Amanda spotted this on the door of the post office in Milford, Pennsylvania. (Confidential to the fecal matter general: Dude, I know recycling can be a hassle sometimes, but this seems like a little much.)
Perhaps the Brooklynites who issued this poetical preemptive warning knew what they were doing all along…
related: this is why your server is cranky
75 responses so far ↓
#1
SHARKFAN
There is no punctuation on the first sign. That’s almost as offensive as feces in their trash cans. Oh…and don’t they have security cameras in their lobby like other post offices? Couldn’t they catch the customer that way?
I like how the second one rhymes – very catchy.
Jan 14, 2008 at 11:47 pm rating: 8
#2
fantasy
This why is the post office has sooo many employees going postal! They are tired of all the shit they put up with!
Jan 14, 2008 at 11:49 pm rating: 24
#3
Canthz_B
All feces must be properly disposed of in the inner office trash cans! Do not use the lobby trash cans for feces disposal.
What are you, animals?!
Jan 14, 2008 at 11:54 pm rating: 8
#4
lola
What if I happen to eat a lot of paper?
Sometimes it’s still paper on the way out.
Jan 15, 2008 at 12:05 am rating: 9
#5
Canthz_B
Well, if they’d just stop putting wastebaskets in the lobby…
Jan 15, 2008 at 12:13 am rating: 8
#6
Canthz_B
That’s what you get when you ask people to log in at usps.com!
Jan 15, 2008 at 12:16 am rating: 5
#7
Canthz_B
How do they know that it’s one customer? Have the Postal Inspectors…umm… inspected the feces in question and made a positive match?
Jan 15, 2008 at 12:22 am rating: 1
#8
Canthz_B
What I’d really like to see is the associated Wanted Poster.
Have you seen this shit?
Jan 15, 2008 at 12:24 am rating: 8
#9
Team Cassandra
Please help us -
Customer that is
in our lobby trash
is only for paper.
Catch the
Depositing FECES
cans. Lobby trash.
Trash.
Mix and Match sound bytes for beatniks!
Jan 15, 2008 at 12:26 am rating: 10
#10
RALPHY
Sorry about that-tried the rest room across the street, but the door wouldn’t open,which probably means sombody was in there and, well, it was late and nobody was around and paper was handy in your lobby. Damn, Ive never seen somebody so upset about a little shit in their can.
Ummmmm-sorry sorry-am I bad.
Jan 15, 2008 at 3:16 am rating: 1
#11
amy d
To be fair, the lines at the post office are long .
Jan 15, 2008 at 6:41 am rating: 10
#12
park rose
Just a snippet. Tears for Fears
Shout
Shout, Shout, keep a look out,
feces are things we can do something about,
come on, I’m asking you to, come on.
Shout, Shout, don’t let it all out,
feces are things we can do without,
come on, I’m talking to you, come on.
The video takes a while to start.
Jan 15, 2008 at 7:00 am rating: 6
#13
pickle
I wonder how long it’ll take the mystery crapper to stop pooing in the trash cans and drop it in the mailboxes instead.
But the real question is: will they stick on enough stamps?
Jan 15, 2008 at 7:37 am rating: 4
#14
Luv this site
that second sign is just asking for trouble. I can see a guy with an armload of trash saying to himself,”Well, now– feces! Hadn’t thought of that, but now that you mention it……”
Jan 15, 2008 at 7:44 am rating: 4
#15
Lurker
“The reason you can’t put poop in the lobby trash isn’t because it’s unsanitary and disgusting; it’s because those cans are only for paper.”
Jan 15, 2008 at 8:43 am rating: 6
#16
DrAstroZoom
“Even feces”? How about especially feces?!?
Jan 15, 2008 at 9:27 am rating: 8
#17
mere
well, this is what happens when you eat those damn lean pockets..
when you have to go .. you have to GOOOOO!!
Jan 15, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: 2
#18
fantasy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuGgWRyhPsI
Jan 15, 2008 at 10:05 am rating: 1
#19
KittyKat
Maybe the post office needs to hang up a baggie full of’ “poop baggies”. Then the customers could just do their business and pick it up. Nah, some n’er-do-well would probably just cut holes in the bottom . . . ewww.
Jan 15, 2008 at 10:08 am rating: 1
#20
Writerrejected
New postal motto: “Neither snow, nor sleet, nor shit in the trash shall stay these courageous couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”
Jan 15, 2008 at 10:23 am rating: 6
#21
fantasy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuGgWRyhPsI
“Mr. Postman” by The Beatles
Oh Yes, Wait a minute Mr. Postman
Wait, Waaiiit Mr. Postman
Mr. Postman look and see, Oh Yeahhh
There is something in the trash just from me
Please, Please Mr. Postman
Wait a minute,Wait a minute,Mr. Postman
I’ve been waiting so patiently
Looking for the facilities OOOOHHH Mr. Postman this really didn’t have to be
Wait a minute , Wait a minute Mr. Postman
Iam sorry you see,You didn’t stop to see the tears in my eyes
You didn’t stop to make me feel better!
I was just here a postn’ a letter OOOHHH YEA
Look and see That feces is just from me
Oh Yeah Mr. Postman look and see
The bathroom was just too far for me Mr. Postman
I hate to do this one more time
But can’t stand it no more I’ve waited a very long time
I’m sorry it had to be me
But wait a minute, wait a minute, there should be a place to gooo Then I wouldn’t treat you soo
Mr.Postman, I’m sorry you see
Be careful but that feces’ is just from me, It’s not just paper to me YEAH, Mr. Postman look and see, You do need facilities, YEAHHH,That would make it all right, You wouldn’t see such a sight
OOOOHHHH YYEEAAAHH, Mr. Postman, I’m sorry you see,that I left more than a letter you see
I’m so sorry it had to be meee. Oh, Mr. Postman Look and see this is my apology OOOHHHHYYYEEEAAHHHH I am sorry you see! OOOOhhhhh YYYEEEAAHHH!
Jan 15, 2008 at 10:40 am rating: 7
#22
Canthz_B
On picture two, are they still accepting “Odd Feces”?
Jan 15, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: 1
#23
Karen
So what are they telling us with the all caps FECES in the first note ?
I’m almost bothered that they didn’t use underline, quote marks and the exclamation point there.
Jan 15, 2008 at 1:11 pm rating: 1
#24
Karen
And, much as I’d like to, I really don’t have the time to hang out and help you catch the poop perp.
Jan 15, 2008 at 1:12 pm rating: 4
#25
GVI
How is this person “depositing” FECES, are the doing a direct “deposit” or bringing it from home?
Jan 15, 2008 at 1:19 pm rating: 1
#26
Felicia
LOL Oh my gosh thats just sad!
Jan 15, 2008 at 1:19 pm rating: 0
#27
Canthz_B
This gives a new and disturbing meaning to “Special Delivery”!
Jan 15, 2008 at 1:57 pm rating: 1
#28
Canthz_B
The first note really has me tempted to go there and add a:
M
Y
F
I
N
G
E
R
sign under the “PULL”!
Jan 15, 2008 at 2:33 pm rating: 1
#29
mamason
Sorry! I just couldn’t hold it until I got to the thrift store. I tried…
Jan 15, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: 1
#30
Lurker
And who could forget that old Bobby Vinton classic:
So we gotta say goodbye for the summer.
Baby, I promise you this:
I’ll send you all my poo every day in a letter
Sealed with some piss.
Yes it’s gonna be a cold, lonely summer,
The lobby is really a mess.
I’ll send you all my scat every day in a letter
Sealed with some piss.
Jan 15, 2008 at 4:06 pm rating: 6
#31
Shieldmaiden96
Creepy as that sounds, I’m envisioning a ‘walk the dog, get the mail, deposit whatever the dog produced on the way’ scenario.
As for security cameras in the Milford PO….you ever been to Milford? I’m thinking no.
Jan 15, 2008 at 4:59 pm rating: 0
#32
Canthz_B
*Wishes he had the time to parody*: It’s Too Funky In Here.
Jan 15, 2008 at 5:07 pm rating: 0
#33
Canthz_B
I do not like crap in a box.
I do not like crap with a fox.
I do not like crap in a house.
I do not like crap with a mouse.
I do not like crap here or there.
I do not like crap anywhere.
I do not like crappy trash cans.
I do not like crap, Sam-I-am.
Jan 15, 2008 at 5:59 pm rating: 3
#34
Canthz_B
Turds are in the trash can,
“Find the creep”, asks ‘The Man’.
Asses,
Asses,
Whose pants are down?!
Jan 15, 2008 at 6:22 pm rating: 0
#35
Canthz_B
duplicate, sorry
Jan 15, 2008 at 6:26 pm rating: 0
#36
Lurker
Peter Pooper and Friends
Ep. 1:01 – “Peter Pooper Goes in the Post Office”
Cue theme music. Scene opens on a pleasant suburban post office. Waiting in line are a priest, a sweet old lady, a mother with two rosy-cheeked children in tow, and a tweedy librarian with horn-rimmed glasses.
CHEERY POSTAL WORKER:
One book of “Love” Stamps. That’s seven dollars and forty cents, Father.
PRIEST:
There you go. Bless you, my child.
Enter PETER. PETER looks around and approachs a wastebasket. Elaborate, drawn-out business of unfastening and pulling down trousers. He squats over the wastebasket, grabs a ZIP Code Directory, and begins to read. The POSTMASTER, a friendly, middle-aged African-American gentleman, approaches.
POSTMASTER:
Sir, How are you doing today?
PETER:
Well, truth be known, friend, I’ve got a bad case of the Plotskis. How about yourself?
POSTMASTER:
Fine, fine. Sir, I have to ask you, are you defecating in that wastebasket?
PETER:
Defecating?
POSTMASTER:
Uncomfortable. You know. Defecating. Going number two. You know. Whispers. Pooping.
PETER:
Loudly. POOPING?
POSTMASTER:
Shhhhhhhh!
PETER:
Well, honestly, I can’t see where that’s any of your business. But if enquiring minds want to know, I do happen to be evacuating my bowels at this particular moment. And it’s not an easy job with all these questions flying around, Four-eyes.
Cut to close-up of confused POSTMASTER, who is obviously not wearing glasses. Cue laugh track.
POSTMASTER:
Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to stop pooping in the wastebasket. I know public restrooms are harder to find these days…
PETER:
Now, now, now, my good man! Unless I’ve suddenly gone blind or forgotten how to read my native language, there is no sign saying, “No sh—ing in this receptacle. Now is there, honky?
POSTMASTER:
Well, no, but…
PETER:
I didn’t think so. Now, if you’ll kindly excuse me… He returns to the ZIP Code Directory. Aaronsburg, Aaronston, Acheson…
By now the other PATRONS have noticed PETER and display assorted horrified facial expressions. Cue laugh track.
POSTMASTER:
Er… wait a minute! That wastebasket is FOR PAPER ONLY!!
ETER:
Closing the Directory with a snap, and raising one eyebrow in the direction of Camera 2. Well played, Fu Manchu.
POSTMASTER:
Visibly relieved. Thank you, sir. To show my appreciation, you can use the staff washroom.
Pade out. Fade back in to PETER leaving the restroom.
PETER:
Paper only, you say, my fine feathered friend?
POSTMASTER:
Nodding vigorously. Oh, yes. Paper only. Nothing but paper, paper, paper.
PETER:
Depositing a wad of visibly soiled toilet paper in the wastebasket. Have a nice day.
Exit PETER. The POSTMASTER pulls an M-16 from behind a rack of Express Mail envelopes and open fire on the PATRONS and CHEERY POSTAL WORKER. Cue laugh track. Cue theme music.
ANNOUNCER:
Join us next week, when PETER visits the local thrift shop.
Jan 15, 2008 at 6:57 pm rating: 8
#37
Canthz_B
Catch the customer?…Who threw the SOB?
Jan 15, 2008 at 7:31 pm rating: 0
#38
Canthz_B
Guess someone wanted to leave the Postmaster General some junk mail!
Jan 15, 2008 at 7:34 pm rating: 0
#39
starburst2185
OMG Lurker, I think my eyes almost got stuck cross-eyed on that one! Anyone else have the Family Guy theme songs playing in the background for that one??
Jan 15, 2008 at 7:38 pm rating: 1
#40
Canthz_B
There once was a man from Milford,
Who too often had his mail pilfered.
The complaint lodged by him,
Received a response grim,
So he filled postal trashcans with dog turd.
Jan 15, 2008 at 8:32 pm rating: 3
#41
secondsout
My bad, I didn’t mean to take a dump in the post office trash can. I was going to use my office’s throne, but the sign warned me that everyone could hear my bathroom noises. So I crapped in the alley until I saw the second note (note #2?), then spotted the Post Office can.
Jan 15, 2008 at 8:46 pm rating: 0
#42
subliculous
Dude. The second one? – is a HAIKU.
Feb 2, 2008 at 6:30 pm rating: 0
#43
bamBAM!!
yeah, too bad you’re commenting like 2 months after the post… and if it were a haiku, the second line would end in the middle of the word species. Sorry, babe.
Feb 2, 2008 at 8:10 pm rating: 0
#44 this!! is how!! you know!! we mean it!!!
[...] desiree: “this is a note at the express (stamps-only counter) at a very busy post office in washington, d.c. they are apparently!! very!! uptight!! like everyone else in d.c. (myself [...]
Mar 31, 2009 at 12:51 pm rating: 0
#45 The thrill of thrifting | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled [...]
Feb 27, 2010 at 11:40 am rating: 0
#46 You are on Uncle Paul's list — and you'd better believe he knows where you live. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] This is why your postal worker is disgruntled [...]
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:00 pm rating: 0
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