This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

January 14th, 2008 · 75 comments

Amanda spotted this on the door of the post office in Milford, Pennsylvania. (Confidential to the fecal matter general: Dude, I know recycling can be a hassle sometimes, but this seems like a little much.)

Please help us catch the customer that is depositing FECES in our lobby trash cans lobby trash is only for paper trash

Perhaps the Brooklynites who issued this poetical preemptive warning knew what they were doing all along…

a legionnaire's idea of epigrammatic wit

related: this is why your server is cranky

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · garbage · going postal · more like crazy · Pennsylvania · shit


75 responses so far ↓

  • #1   SHARKFAN bang

    There is no punctuation on the first sign. That’s almost as offensive as feces in their trash cans. Oh…and don’t they have security cameras in their lobby like other post offices? Couldn’t they catch the customer that way?

    I like how the second one rhymes – very catchy.

    Jan 14, 2008 at 11:47 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   oldman

      Usually, the deposit of feces is done by someone ignorant. Most of the people in this country know how to use flush toilets. Most new Illegals coming to this country haven’t a clue, and therefore deposit their droppings where ever they feel the need. Or maybe they wanted to mail a peace of themselves home and it wouldn’t fit in the letter box.

      Sep 1, 2008 at 9:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   fantasy bang

    This why is the post office has sooo many employees going postal! They are tired of all the shit they put up with!

    Jan 14, 2008 at 11:49 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Team Cassandra bang

      Ha! I just realized I hadn’t rated you out of jealousy.

      I will rise above it.

      Jan 15, 2008 at 6:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    All feces must be properly disposed of in the inner office trash cans! Do not use the lobby trash cans for feces disposal.
    What are you, animals?!

    Jan 14, 2008 at 11:54 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   lola bang

    What if I happen to eat a lot of paper?

    Sometimes it’s still paper on the way out.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 12:05 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    Well, if they’d just stop putting wastebaskets in the lobby…

    Jan 15, 2008 at 12:13 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    That’s what you get when you ask people to log in at usps.com!

    Jan 15, 2008 at 12:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    How do they know that it’s one customer? Have the Postal Inspectors…umm… inspected the feces in question and made a positive match?

    Jan 15, 2008 at 12:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Canthz_B bang

    What I’d really like to see is the associated Wanted Poster.
    Have you seen this shit?

    Jan 15, 2008 at 12:24 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Team Cassandra bang

    Please help us -
    Customer that is
    in our lobby trash
    is only for paper.

    Catch the
    Depositing FECES
    cans. Lobby trash.
    Trash.

    Mix and Match sound bytes for beatniks!

    Jan 15, 2008 at 12:26 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   park rose bang

      fantasy ‘done it again’, TC :)

      Jan 15, 2008 at 9:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Team Cassandra bang

      That’s it! Next time I’m gonna be number 2!~

      And then I’ll be sure to stay out of the lobby trash ;)

      Jan 15, 2008 at 12:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   RALPHY

    Sorry about that-tried the rest room across the street, but the door wouldn’t open,which probably means sombody was in there and, well, it was late and nobody was around and paper was handy in your lobby. Damn, Ive never seen somebody so upset about a little shit in their can.
    Ummmmm-sorry sorry-am I bad.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 3:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   amy d bang

    To be fair, the lines at the post office are long .

    Jan 15, 2008 at 6:41 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   park rose bang

    Just a snippet. Tears for Fears
    Shout

    Shout, Shout, keep a look out,
    feces are things we can do something about,
    come on, I’m asking you to, come on.
    Shout, Shout, don’t let it all out,
    feces are things we can do without,
    come on, I’m talking to you, come on.

    The video takes a while to start.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 7:00 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Team Cassandra bang

      The lobby trash…
      Well, that’s no place to put your poop
      Just paper trash
      That’s just no place to put your po-op!

      Shout, Shout…

      (the bridge :) )

      Jan 15, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   park rose bang

      Hey TC,
      I’m a bit scared to post just at this point in case someone wants a go at the next two lines!

      This one was hard. I couldn’t get past the chorus/first verse, though god knows I tried!

      I was working it into a story about Violet Times (In violent times), and Pettigrew (that took you ;) ). Contrived, meh, what can you do?

      I like your addition a whole lot better.
      :P

      Jan 15, 2008 at 8:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   pickle bang

    I wonder how long it’ll take the mystery crapper to stop pooing in the trash cans and drop it in the mailboxes instead.

    But the real question is: will they stick on enough stamps?

    Jan 15, 2008 at 7:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Luv this site

    that second sign is just asking for trouble. I can see a guy with an armload of trash saying to himself,”Well, now– feces! Hadn’t thought of that, but now that you mention it……”

    Jan 15, 2008 at 7:44 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Lurker

    “The reason you can’t put poop in the lobby trash isn’t because it’s unsanitary and disgusting; it’s because those cans are only for paper.”

    Jan 15, 2008 at 8:43 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   DrAstroZoom bang

    Even feces”? How about especially feces?!?

    Jan 15, 2008 at 9:27 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Lorelie

      Must preserve scansion at all costs!

      Jan 15, 2008 at 10:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   park rose bang

      learn a new word every day! a plus for expanding my vocabulary and making me laugh. :)

      Jan 15, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   RALPHY

      I had a scansion one time, but it ran off and died.

      Jan 15, 2008 at 1:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   mere bang

    well, this is what happens when you eat those damn lean pockets..
    when you have to go .. you have to GOOOOO!!

    Jan 15, 2008 at 9:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   fantasy bang

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuGgWRyhPsI

    Jan 15, 2008 at 10:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   fantasy bang

      How did that happen, it is supposed to be at #21??????? I guess it jumped ahead of me! :D

      Jan 15, 2008 at 11:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   KittyKat

    Maybe the post office needs to hang up a baggie full of’ “poop baggies”. Then the customers could just do their business and pick it up. Nah, some n’er-do-well would probably just cut holes in the bottom . . . ewww.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 10:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Writerrejected bang

    New postal motto: “Neither snow, nor sleet, nor shit in the trash shall stay these courageous couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

    Jan 15, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   KittyKat

      Beautiful.

      Jan 15, 2008 at 12:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   fantasy bang

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuGgWRyhPsI
    “Mr. Postman” by The Beatles
    Oh Yes, Wait a minute Mr. Postman
    Wait, Waaiiit Mr. Postman
    Mr. Postman look and see, Oh Yeahhh
    There is something in the trash just from me
    Please, Please Mr. Postman
    Wait a minute,Wait a minute,Mr. Postman
    I’ve been waiting so patiently
    Looking for the facilities OOOOHHH Mr. Postman this really didn’t have to be
    Wait a minute , Wait a minute Mr. Postman
    Iam sorry you see,You didn’t stop to see the tears in my eyes
    You didn’t stop to make me feel better!
    I was just here a postn’ a letter OOOHHH YEA
    Look and see That feces is just from me
    Oh Yeah Mr. Postman look and see
    The bathroom was just too far for me Mr. Postman
    I hate to do this one more time
    But can’t stand it no more I’ve waited a very long time
    I’m sorry it had to be me
    But wait a minute, wait a minute, there should be a place to gooo Then I wouldn’t treat you soo
    Mr.Postman, I’m sorry you see
    Be careful but that feces’ is just from me, It’s not just paper to me YEAH, Mr. Postman look and see, You do need facilities, YEAHHH,That would make it all right, You wouldn’t see such a sight
    OOOOHHHH YYEEAAAHH, Mr. Postman, I’m sorry you see,that I left more than a letter you see
    I’m so sorry it had to be meee. Oh, Mr. Postman Look and see this is my apology OOOHHHHYYYEEEAAHHHH I am sorry you see! OOOOhhhhh YYYEEEAAHHH!

    Jan 15, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Lurker

      Bravo! Bravo!

      The only thing that could have improved it would be a strategic set of quotation marks:

      I was just here a “postn’ a letter”

      ‘Cause then “postn’ a letter” would look like a euphemism for “taking a crap.”

      Jan 15, 2008 at 11:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   DrAstroZoom bang

      I figured that would be “makin a delivery.”

      Jan 15, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   fantasy bang

      I guess I just can’t help but comment, sorry for you that the song did not meet your expectations!!!! hehheeheee :D :D

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-fev20voMc

      Jan 15, 2008 at 11:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Karen bang

      True story, fantasy….He didn’t write that song ! Can’t remember who did, but it wasn’t him.

      Ironic, eh ?

      Jan 15, 2008 at 12:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   Canthz_B bang

      The song was written by Georgia Dobbins of “The Marvels”, later “The Marvelettes”.

      “Georgia liked the title and wanted to change the tune from what Garrett had initially intended to be a blues song into something more favorable for a young girl group. Garrett agreed, as long as he was given songwriting credit along with Georgia. Georgia, who had no previous songwriting experience, took the tune home and reconstructed it into a song whose lyrics pointed to a girl missing her boyfriend who has been far away for a long time. That song turned out to be their first single and greatest hit, “Please Mr Postman.” The group returned to Motown with the song…”

      Jan 15, 2008 at 1:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.6   Team Cassandra bang

      How can any artist be so painfully boring? No offense if you love him but seriously, I got to “forever” when I was, like, “boring – gotta go.” Honestly, I had to work to get that far.

      PS. I know that song anyway – It’s kinda better when it sneaks up on you at the – wait for it – post office!

      LOVED Mr. Postman though!

      Jan 15, 2008 at 1:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.7   Karen bang

      Oh, thanks so much for that, CB, but I was referring the Barry Manilow’s “I Write The Songs” in post 21.3. Look that one up for me, would ya ?

      :D

      Jan 15, 2008 at 1:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.8   Canthz_B bang

      “I Write The Songs”! . Written by: Bruce Johnston.

      Just couldn’t help myself! :-D

      Jan 15, 2008 at 1:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.9   Karen bang

      Yep, thanks.

      So shouldn’t Barry have called that “I Write Some Songs, But Not This One” ?

      Jan 15, 2008 at 2:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.10   fantasy bang

      Remark about Barry Manilow and “I Write The Songs” was a JOKE!!!!! heeheehee :D :D About my own ability to write or rewrite SONGS! :P

      Jan 15, 2008 at 4:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.11   Karen bang

      Got your joke, fantasy, way back then.
      But I had to go way off off topic with the fact that Barry didn’t even ….. aaaargh….forget it.

      :P

      Jan 15, 2008 at 4:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    On picture two, are they still accepting “Odd Feces”?

    Jan 15, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Karen bang

      You worked really hard for that one, didn’t you, CB ? ;)

      Jan 15, 2008 at 1:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Karen bang

    So what are they telling us with the all caps FECES in the first note ?

    I’m almost bothered that they didn’t use underline, quote marks and the exclamation point there.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 1:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Karen bang

    And, much as I’d like to, I really don’t have the time to hang out and help you catch the poop perp.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 1:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   GVI bang

    How is this person “depositing” FECES, are the doing a direct “deposit” or bringing it from home?

    Jan 15, 2008 at 1:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Felicia

    LOL Oh my gosh thats just sad!

    Jan 15, 2008 at 1:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    This gives a new and disturbing meaning to “Special Delivery”!

    Jan 15, 2008 at 1:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Canthz_B bang

    The first note really has me tempted to go there and add a:

    M
    Y

    F
    I
    N
    G
    E
    R

    sign under the “PULL”!

    Jan 15, 2008 at 2:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   mamason bang

    Sorry! I just couldn’t hold it until I got to the thrift store. I tried…

    Jan 15, 2008 at 2:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Lurker

    And who could forget that old Bobby Vinton classic:

    So we gotta say goodbye for the summer.
    Baby, I promise you this:
    I’ll send you all my poo every day in a letter
    Sealed with some piss.

    Yes it’s gonna be a cold, lonely summer,
    The lobby is really a mess.
    I’ll send you all my scat every day in a letter
    Sealed with some piss.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 4:06 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Canthz_B bang

      That’s old?
      My, where does the time go?

      Nice piece, Lurker!

      Jan 15, 2008 at 4:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Team Cassandra bang

      EW!

      But nicely done :)

      Jan 15, 2008 at 6:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Shieldmaiden96

    Creepy as that sounds, I’m envisioning a ‘walk the dog, get the mail, deposit whatever the dog produced on the way’ scenario.
    As for security cameras in the Milford PO….you ever been to Milford? I’m thinking no.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 4:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Canthz_B bang

    *Wishes he had the time to parody*: It’s Too Funky In Here.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 5:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Canthz_B bang

    I do not like crap in a box.
    I do not like crap with a fox.
    I do not like crap in a house.
    I do not like crap with a mouse.
    I do not like crap here or there.
    I do not like crap anywhere.
    I do not like crappy trash cans.
    I do not like crap, Sam-I-am.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 5:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Canthz_B bang

    Turds are in the trash can,
    “Find the creep”, asks ‘The Man’.
    Asses,
    Asses,
    Whose pants are down?!

    Jan 15, 2008 at 6:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Canthz_B bang

    duplicate, sorry

    Jan 15, 2008 at 6:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Lurker

    Peter Pooper and Friends
    Ep. 1:01 – “Peter Pooper Goes in the Post Office”

    Cue theme music. Scene opens on a pleasant suburban post office. Waiting in line are a priest, a sweet old lady, a mother with two rosy-cheeked children in tow, and a tweedy librarian with horn-rimmed glasses.

    CHEERY POSTAL WORKER:
    One book of “Love” Stamps. That’s seven dollars and forty cents, Father.

    PRIEST:
    There you go. Bless you, my child.

    Enter PETER. PETER looks around and approachs a wastebasket. Elaborate, drawn-out business of unfastening and pulling down trousers. He squats over the wastebasket, grabs a ZIP Code Directory, and begins to read. The POSTMASTER, a friendly, middle-aged African-American gentleman, approaches.

    POSTMASTER:
    Sir, How are you doing today?

    PETER:
    Well, truth be known, friend, I’ve got a bad case of the Plotskis. How about yourself?

    POSTMASTER:
    Fine, fine. Sir, I have to ask you, are you defecating in that wastebasket?

    PETER:
    Defecating?

    POSTMASTER:
    Uncomfortable. You know. Defecating. Going number two. You know. Whispers. Pooping.

    PETER:
    Loudly. POOPING?

    POSTMASTER:
    Shhhhhhhh!

    PETER:
    Well, honestly, I can’t see where that’s any of your business. But if enquiring minds want to know, I do happen to be evacuating my bowels at this particular moment. And it’s not an easy job with all these questions flying around, Four-eyes.

    Cut to close-up of confused POSTMASTER, who is obviously not wearing glasses. Cue laugh track.

    POSTMASTER:
    Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to stop pooping in the wastebasket. I know public restrooms are harder to find these days…

    PETER:
    Now, now, now, my good man! Unless I’ve suddenly gone blind or forgotten how to read my native language, there is no sign saying, “No sh—ing in this receptacle. Now is there, honky?

    POSTMASTER:
    Well, no, but…

    PETER:
    I didn’t think so. Now, if you’ll kindly excuse me… He returns to the ZIP Code Directory. Aaronsburg, Aaronston, Acheson…

    By now the other PATRONS have noticed PETER and display assorted horrified facial expressions. Cue laugh track.

    POSTMASTER:
    Er… wait a minute! That wastebasket is FOR PAPER ONLY!!

    ETER:
    Closing the Directory with a snap, and raising one eyebrow in the direction of Camera 2. Well played, Fu Manchu.

    POSTMASTER:
    Visibly relieved. Thank you, sir. To show my appreciation, you can use the staff washroom.

    Pade out. Fade back in to PETER leaving the restroom.

    PETER:
    Paper only, you say, my fine feathered friend?

    POSTMASTER:
    Nodding vigorously. Oh, yes. Paper only. Nothing but paper, paper, paper.

    PETER:
    Depositing a wad of visibly soiled toilet paper in the wastebasket. Have a nice day.

    Exit PETER. The POSTMASTER pulls an M-16 from behind a rack of Express Mail envelopes and open fire on the PATRONS and CHEERY POSTAL WORKER. Cue laugh track. Cue theme music.

    ANNOUNCER:
    Join us next week, when PETER visits the local thrift shop.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 6:57 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Team Cassandra bang

      Peter, Peter Postman Eter!

      Jan 15, 2008 at 7:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   Canthz_B bang

      East Troy Electric Railroad? … :-)

      Jan 15, 2008 at 7:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   Canthz_B bang

    Catch the customer?…Who threw the SOB? :-)

    Jan 15, 2008 at 7:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Canthz_B bang

    Guess someone wanted to leave the Postmaster General some junk mail!

    Jan 15, 2008 at 7:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Canthz_B bang

      Or would that be a bulk mailing? :-P

      Jan 15, 2008 at 9:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   starburst2185

    OMG Lurker, I think my eyes almost got stuck cross-eyed on that one! Anyone else have the Family Guy theme songs playing in the background for that one??

    Jan 15, 2008 at 7:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Canthz_B bang

    There once was a man from Milford,
    Who too often had his mail pilfered.
    The complaint lodged by him,
    Received a response grim,
    So he filled postal trashcans with dog turd.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 8:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   secondsout bang

    My bad, I didn’t mean to take a dump in the post office trash can. I was going to use my office’s throne, but the sign warned me that everyone could hear my bathroom noises. So I crapped in the alley until I saw the second note (note #2?), then spotted the Post Office can.

    Jan 15, 2008 at 8:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   subliculous

    Dude. The second one? – is a HAIKU.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 6:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   bamBAM!! bang

    yeah, too bad you’re commenting like 2 months after the post… and if it were a haiku, the second line would end in the middle of the word species. Sorry, babe.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 8:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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    Mar 31, 2009 at 12:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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