It always comes down to the toilet paper.

January 16th, 2008 · 69 comments

Our anonymous submitter received this note after playing host to his friend’s band. In his defense, he says, “the house was not messy.” and, besides, “I never leave him notes when I do normal household chores like emptying the dishwasher and taking the trash out.”

I cleaned the kitchen, emptied the dishwasher, and took out the trash. I would appreciate if you clean my with bathroom which got purely abused by your friends.

Adds our submitter: “Oh, and he can’t count — it was seven guys.” (Quite a Michelle-esque touch, no?)

related: Martyr complex much?

FILED UNDER: band · bathroom · paper product fairy · roommates · that's disgusting · toilet paper


69 responses so far ↓

  • #1   park rose bang

    and their names were Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy and Sneezy.

    Snow White was the one purely abusing the bathroom

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:26 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Numinous bang

      Shouldn’t that be Sleezy, Humpy, Gropey, Dumpy, Slappy, Crappy and C@ck?

      Jan 18, 2008 at 9:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   pry

    woah. in my experience, bands are the most well-behaved and grateful guests. until they get drunk.

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    I wonder if they were having Mexican Style, Chicken Flavored Lean Pockets. A whole roll is a lot even for five to seven guys to use up in a night.

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Lala

      my roommate often goes through a double roll of toilet paper in a day or two all by herself. you’d be surprised the toilet paper binges some people can go on.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 8:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   secondsout bang

      A double roll per day? Jesus Christ! Unless she has amoebic dysentery, she might be overdoing it. I’d be tempted to get one of those rolls with pictures on it that is intended to teach little kids when they have enough TP.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 9:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Canthz_B bang

      Sounds like your roommate needs therapy. She has serious hygiene issues!

      Save a tree…don’t obsess over pee!!

      Jan 17, 2008 at 11:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    At least we can take heart in the fact that the bathroom was not impurely abused.
    That would be sick!

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Wade bang

    I hope they didn’t use the towels to dry between their legs.

    Because that would be triflin’.

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:36 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   GVI bang

      But triffles are delicious!

      Jan 16, 2008 at 10:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   anglophile bang

      Not to mention just plain nasty.

      Jan 16, 2008 at 10:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   morpho aurora bang

    you do NOT invite 7 people over without letting your room mate know ahead of time, not to mention if they were submitter’s guests they should have taken turns purely abusing submitters’s bathroom.
    btw – cleaning the kitchen and taking out the trash after having guests is usually a little more work than normal.

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:36 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    This seems kind of backward. I’d clean my personal space (my bathroom) and leave my roommate a note to clean the kitchen, and take out the trash.

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   anglophile bang

      I agree. This smacks a bit of martyrdom.

      Although 7 unexpected guests is way over the line.

      Jan 16, 2008 at 10:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   starburst2185

      Maybe the note writer chose the lesser of two evils, which in my book would be the easier job.

      Jan 16, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Team Cassandra bang

      It really does all come down to the toilet, though.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 12:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      What’s missing from the note . . . I get the feeling that Josh forgot to check his toothbrush for dampness!

      Jan 17, 2008 at 1:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   hamburke bang

      perhaps the roommate was expecting company and wanted the living space to look nice. I know that I clean the kitchen and living room and then worry about the bathrooms and bedrooms.

      Jan 20, 2008 at 9:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   raiseyourglass

    I always love when men(and some females not to be sexist) say “its not messy.” They hung the towel up, and cleaned the toilet. (duhh…I sprayed the blue stuff in and flushed it. BFD!) They forget about cleaning the piss that splashed on the sides of the toilet, floor and wall! Don’t get me started!!!
    Now you know why people wash their hair in the sink at work!!!!
    Not to mention the foot funk that can be left behind in the shower! Expecialy 5 or 7 men. Josh you better wear flip-flops.
    I better stop I could rant for hours on this subject.
    Oooommmm!!!!

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   justhaveto

      Sounds like you’ve been picking losers. Normal people don’t piss freely around the room.
      maybe you just have poor taste in men.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 4:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   raiseyourglass

      Not piss freely. (I have dated some losers before but not that bad) Some people just don’t understand that it splashes when you flush the lid is up.
      …. my guy is good at cleaning.
      Maybe why we get along. Thank goodness he was raised right. Helps he took lab classes in college.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 10:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Team Cassandra bang

    I moved the papers and the trash
    O – And I found your secret stash:)
    It took all day to scrub the floor
    You ain’t gonna rock and roll no more
    Yakety yak (don’t talk back)

    Just finished cleanin’ up my room
    I watched that dust fly with that broom
    I got that garbage out of sight
    I started cleaning Friday night
    Yakety yak (don’t talk back)

    You let your friends use all my towels
    You let them empty out their bowels
    Can’t take this nastiness no more
    Can’t someone clean that bathroom floor?
    Yakety yak (don’t talk back)

    Don’t you give me no dirty looks
    Just wipe that coffee off my books!
    And tell your hoodlum friends inside
    It’s time for them to take a ride!
    Yakety yak (don’t talk back)

    Yakety yak, yakety yak
    Yakety yak, yakety yak
    Yakety yak, yakety yak

    FADE
    Yakety yak, yakety yak

    Jan 16, 2008 at 11:41 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Kelly

    Apparently the whole situation forced him to regress into a childlike state, based on the handwriting. Lordy, learn to write.

    But, I am on Team Let You Roomie Know Before Dirty Musicians Put Your Towels On Their Naughty Bits.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 12:09 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    Wow, flashback . . . to all the times I was host, or host’s housemate, to bands. Today’s musicians must be a gentler breed . . . they took showers? Josh didn’t have to pick up beer cans, cigarette butts, steam out dried vomit and repair scorch marks on the furniture? No bong-water stains on the carpet? No eggshells on the ceiling? They apparently loaded and operated the dishwasher? Josh should count his blessings instead of his toilet paper . . .
    And let’s not feed Josh’s OCD/germophobia about towels. Used towels go into the laundry; bing-bing, they’re okay again; no skankier than after you would use them yourself. Do you people actually burn your towels after you’ve had guests?
    Okay, Josh should have been notified beforehand . . . and he should have been invited (which may actually be the basis of his gripe?) . . . but I’m not totally with Team Josh here (but again, I’ve got 20-year-old vivid memories of a grungier era).
    Two questions: what the hell kind of paper was that note written on? and, most troubling . . . seven guys in a band plus the host, and no girls? Sad . . .

    Jan 17, 2008 at 12:45 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   anglophile bang

      It is my belief that the graphic at the top of the paper is a kitty cat. How I wish we could see the whole thing!

      Jan 17, 2008 at 6:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   fantasy bang

      All girls know that it’s time to leave the party when the toilet paper is gone!

      Jan 17, 2008 at 9:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Ariadne bang

      Anglo – I thought it was Scooby-Do’s legs. Must be the 70′s-orange edging of the paper pushing me in that direction.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 9:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   anglophile bang

      Oh, yeah, Ariadne, I could go with Scooby Doo!

      Jan 17, 2008 at 10:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   Ozymandias bang

      In reply to 11,

      they haven’t graduated from Hotel Trashing 101 yet, and until they do, they are forbidden to practice their skills of wanton destruction.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 6:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   lola bang

    …and once they masturbate into those towels, they’re never soft again.

    Team Jerk Into Your Own Towels

    icky

    Jan 17, 2008 at 12:50 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      The depletion of Cottonelle reserves implies the band members were not hummin’n'strummin’ into the towels!

      Jan 17, 2008 at 1:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Tyler bang

    I don’t know about most people but I don’t have 7 towels in my bathroom, let alone own 7 towels. So I can somewhat side with him on that one of not even having a clean towel to use. (I’d hate to be the 7th guy to shower)

    Jan 17, 2008 at 1:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      That would probably be the drummer.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 1:43 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    More questions!
    Will the band sell the note-to-t-shirts at their next gig?
    If the band becomes famous, will Josh bore his future friends with his embellished accounts of “that time they all stayed at my place for a weekend”?

    Jan 17, 2008 at 1:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Lauren

    I know how awful abused bathrooms can be. My husband and I rented a house from my brother back in the day. Since it was his house, I told him he could hold his buddy’s bachelor party there. BTW, I was 7 months pregnant at the time. The house was disgusting in the morning. Vomit in every sink, luncheon meat floating in the mayo jar that had been left out all night…this was the tip of the iceberg. That was 18 years ago and I’m still not over it yet.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 7:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Writerrejected bang

    Dude’s got no cred whatsoever re: “the house was not messy. ” There just ain’t no way. Seems to me that he was a douche and instead of posting the PAN, he should have apologized to the roommate. Though really where’s the fun in that?

    So here’s my little morning thank you to the PAN-goddess and PAN-posters, whether they are in the right or in the wrong. (Just feeling grateful today.)

    Jan 17, 2008 at 7:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   MJaz

    Sharing toilet paper is nasty. I mean really!

    I don’t mind if people USE my toilet paper (in fact, I rather prefer that they do, versus using my towel), but sharing the TP is gross. So is sharing a kleenex. Yick.

    I am definitely on Josh’s side, other than that.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 8:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   senor subagua

    His name is Josh? Looked like Job to me when I first looked at it — figured a couple of dirty towels beats a face full of boils any day… unless…… can you get face boils from a dirty towel?

    Jan 17, 2008 at 8:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Lala

    what is that fabric underneath the note?? looks like 80s bachelor pad polyester comforter to me

    Jan 17, 2008 at 8:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   amy d bang

      It’s quilted, just like the toilet paper!

      Jan 17, 2008 at 9:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Jamie

    “purely abused”

    That’s great! I need to find a way to work that phrase into conversation somehow.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   JPav

    Dear Josh,
    You ask why I invited 5 guys who would use all the TP and abuse your bathroom to stay over without telling you? C’mon, every one knows it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

    P.S. I would think about buying a new toothbrush

    Jan 17, 2008 at 9:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   gggggggggg

    how do i get my entry to post in green? come on … i must know now …

    Jan 17, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   durian

      ‘youse gotta be punctuated’. See right down bottom of page.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 9:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   amy d bang

      Not true, you just need to get 5 or more positive ratings on your comment.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 9:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   park rose bang

      Hey amy :)
      But you can’t vote or see the thumbs-up unless you are registered.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   amy d bang

      True dat, Rose. Thanks.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Canthz_B bang

      It helps if you have something funny to say. :-)

      Jan 17, 2008 at 10:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   BoggyWoggy

    Sometimes, after a large number of “boys” use our guest bath, I notice that there are yellow-crystally stalactites hanging from the inside edge of the toilet. I have to wonder if this is what Josh found…

    sta·lac·tite (st?-l?k’t?t’)
    n. An icicle-shaped mineral deposit, usually calcite or aragonite, hanging from the roof of a cavern, formed from the dripping of mineral-rich water.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Bellabeastie

    Dear Josh -

    Forgot to tell you I borrowed your ultra soft bristled Oral-B since you threw mine out with the trash. Payback’s a bitch.

    Cha e

    Jan 17, 2008 at 12:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   DrAstroZoom bang

    To get truly pure abuse, one usually has to invite a band of priests over.

    Thank you … I’m here all week.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 12:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   GhostWriter bang

    The note itself wasn’t so bad, but taping it to the back of my black corduroy disco jacket (and having somebody point it out to me on the dance floor) was uncalled for.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 2:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    All of this could be avoided if we could find seven brides for these seven brothers!

    How about the new girl band “The Pleiades”, featuring:

    Maia
    Electra
    Taygete
    Alcyone
    Celaeno
    Sterope
    Merope

    Jan 17, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   STees

    That. Is. Too. Many. Boys. In. One. House.

    Unless you’re mom to quintuplets or something, and then you can’t help it.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Juliet bang

      It must have smelled like goats. Ewwww.

      Jan 17, 2008 at 7:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Lurker

    If the recipient already believes that someone else using your towels is nasty, then it’s implied, and its parenthetical addittion is unneeded.

    If the recipient does NOT already believe that, then the parenthesis is not going to convince him that it is.

    By the way, I used all you guys’ towels to clean up the cat vomit. Seriously, don’t feed her the cheap kibbles again.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 9:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   A.A guy

    I think that we’ve lost sight of some very positive sides of this event.I mean they’re a band that don’t dry off with their own clothing and they actually used the bathroom.Bet those potted ferns are happy.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 9:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Canthz_B bang

    Seven guests and no PA note from the neighbors?
    Sounds like Josh is a lonely and envious man.
    Invite him to come and play next time.

    Jan 17, 2008 at 11:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   sir jorge

    i’d crumple the paper and flush it down her toilet.

    Jan 18, 2008 at 2:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   starburst2185

    Sounds like the roommates have separate bathrooms to me, and it makes me wonder what Josh did to his roommate to make him send the band buddies to Josh’s bathroom. Girls, you know what I mean, no one in their right mind would want to share a toliet with 5 guys, that’s a worse mental picture then the thrift store dressing room!

    Jan 18, 2008 at 6:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   oh, she said it.

    [...] it always comes down to the toilet paper [...]

    Apr 30, 2008 at 9:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   justin

    im a huge fan of jared van fleet. it took me by surprise to see him mentioned on here! good work!

    May 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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