Thou dost protest too much, methinks

January 22nd, 2008 · 66 comments

Writes Joe in Denver: “My roommate gets very emotional when someone criticizes him, but will gladly e-mail me or leave notes around the house with dozens of ‘little reminders’” like this one — written after Joe left a broom in the living room overnight.

Please put it back when you are done : Im not being bitchy or talking down — just making nice!

related: How not to housetrain a roommate

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · a little uptight · Denver · smiley


66 responses so far ↓

  • #1   RP

    What’s wrong with leaving it in the living room? Why does he care?

    (Apologies if this is a duplicate post)

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   anglophile bang

    I wonder if the pens and the paper and tape are kept anywhere near the spot the broom is supposed to be?

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:35 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Wow, anglo — so subtle, I actually didn’t get it the first two times I read it, and then had to smack my forehead the third time! Well done.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 4:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   anglophile bang

      ;)

      Jan 22, 2008 at 4:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Stacy

    Hey, at least he was using the broom. He could have left it where it belongs and not swept up the mess. It could be worse.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Karen bang

    Roommate is just showing Joe an example of a proper citicism so as not to hurt another’s feelings. Make nice, say please, don’t patronize.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Wade bang

    Is it just me, or doesn’t that smiley look psychotic?

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   anglophile bang

      8-O

      Jan 22, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Karen bang

      But no clipart – hand drawn for the personal touch.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   WickedLady bang

      It might just be me, but the smiley looks like it’s gonna drool.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 1:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Yeah, that’s one jack-o’lantern smiley — you can practically see the glaring eyes and the clenched teeth! I wish I had THAT emoticon!

      Jan 22, 2008 at 4:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   GVI bang

    He is bitching, how hard is it for him to just pick up the damn broom and move it himself but nooo he decides to leave a note. If I were Joe, I would shove that broom up his ass.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   the sos bang

    so by declaring non-bitchiness that clears you? (not being bitchy or anything but the copy papaer goes over there if you care not to know. thanks terry!) and yes, the smiley face looks a little thrown.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   amy d bang

    If I were Joe, I would write the following response, which would be taped to the roommate’s note, which is taped to the broom, which is still leaning against the living room wall:

    Please stop being such a nitpicker. I left the broom here for ONE day, you fucking ninny! If I wanted to be nagged all the time, I would live with my parents.

    :) I’m not being bitchy or talking down- just being realistic!

    *Epiphany: My mother doesn’t live here.*

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:44 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    EWWWW!…He made nice with a broom handle?
    I sure hope his virginity was put back when the broom was done with it!

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   WickedLady bang

      It sounds a bit old, don’t guys use vacuum cleaners for that nowadays? :P

      Jan 23, 2008 at 6:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   amy d bang

    Lol CB!

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   KittyKat

    I think Joe needs to get a bunch of his musician friends to stay over and purely abuse the broom and use up all the toilet paper and towels. Bitchy Roommate needs to learn things could be a lot worse.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Hey, where’s the thank you note for cleaning up your mess, buddy?

    Not being needy or asking for validation,
    –Joe

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Numinous bang

    What kills me is that it had to take twice as long to write the note and stick it to the broom than to actually put it away.

    Wait, it must be more than twice as long.

    Option 1:
    See broom
    Pick up broom
    Walk to closet (or where ever it is kept)
    Open door
    Put in broom
    Close door
    Go to room and pout

    Option 2:
    See broom
    Have hissy fit
    Plot non-confrontational way to express hissy fit
    Search for note paper
    Bitch and whine because can’t find paper
    Finally find paper
    Write note
    Decide note is too “bitchy”
    Write new note
    Decide note is still too “bitchy”
    Add smiley to note
    Decide note is STILL too “bitchy
    Add ‘I’m not being bitchy…’ disclaimer
    Search for tape
    Bitch and whine because can’t find tape
    Finally find tape
    Tape note to broom
    Bitch and whine while putting away paper and tape and throwing out reject note
    Go to room and pout

    See, definitely waaay longer.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:55 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Team Cassandra bang

      This TOTALLY helped me understand anglo at #2.

      Thanks!

      Jan 23, 2008 at 8:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    Can we really be sure he’s talking about the broom?
    Finally, I need more broke back story! ;-)

    Jan 22, 2008 at 1:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Writerrejected bang

      Hey, cowboy, easy there with the subtle gay inuendo.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 5:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Canthz_B bang

      Politically correct disclaimer:

      “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

      Jan 22, 2008 at 6:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   pry

      heath ledger passed away. wait at least a week before any brokeback jokes.

      RIP

      Jan 22, 2008 at 6:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Canthz_B bang

      Was unaware of the news at the time. I didn’t get the news until the 6 o’clock PM news. Comment was written 4 hours before.
      Anyway, he was straight and the JOKE was not about him. Fact is, I didn’t even know who Heath Ledger was before the news story. Not everyone pays attention to celebrities.
      Lighten up.

      RIP, Heath. :-(

      Jan 22, 2008 at 6:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   Canthz_B bang

      In point of fact he was not found dead until after I wrote that comment:

      “Heath Ledger was found dead at 3:26 pm this afternoon,” a police spokesperson said, saying he was found in an apartment in the posh district of Soho. “We don’t know the cause of the death.”

      Clearly, I was not poking fun at the dead because the man was not yet reported dead.

      Source

      Jan 22, 2008 at 6:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   pry

      woah, i wasn’t being uptight. i just saw the post and thought it was strangely coincidental that i’d just heard on the radio that he passed away. i thought my “no brokeback jokes for at least a week” was ridiculous enough to make it apparent that i wasn’t upset.

      but thanks for the source and all.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 8:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   pry

      p.s., i had to look at his picture to even jog my memory as to who he was. it was then that i remembered having seen “brokeback mountain,” which i thought was great.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 8:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry, sometimes I feel attacked when I’m not being attacked.
      Some IRL things have dampened my sense of humor of late.
      No offense taken, pry. :-D :-D

      In fact, I just got the “cowboy” by WR!….I am slow today! LOL

      Jan 22, 2008 at 8:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   Writerrejected bang

      Yeah, but it’s still weird, all this gay cowboy talk, when Heath Ledger has died so recently. It’s almost like we….oh, never mind. May he rest in peace.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 9:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.10   Canthz_B bang

      Perish the thought!!

      Jan 22, 2008 at 9:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   bellabeastie

    And the next to go is the 42″ TV for playing GH… at least there was an effort to clean up the Breakroom… Now we have ” broomage left unattended will be left in place with a double-stick sticky note (tape included) ” So it’s clean and what’s the prob ? Put it away yourself, not to be bitchy or anything….” just playing nice”…TOTALLY freakazoidal…

    Team Broom In Places You Can’t Imagine

    Jan 22, 2008 at 2:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   RD bang

      Oh, I can imagine where Team Broom can go.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 2:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   mamason bang

    OMG! I would so put that broom back where it belongs. Clearly he usually keeps it in his ass.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 2:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   mamason bang

    Dear roomie,
    I really thought you might enjoy a day sans broomstick in rectum. My mistake. I’ll be more than happy to return said broom to it’s proper place. May I suggest that you unclench? Just asking nice.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 2:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Joe comes home after a long, hard day of work, sees note and glares thoughtfully at roommate’s bedroom door…“Oh, I’m not done with it quite yet, go to sleep, my Pretty!”

    Jan 22, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Karen bang

    Is ‘bitchy’ really a term men use when speaking of themselves or other men ? Seriously ? I would’ve thought the note was written by a female if Joe hadn’t told us his roommate is a guy. In fact, every word of the note resonates effeminate.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Canthz_B bang

      Or just “bitchy”! :-)

      Jan 22, 2008 at 2:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Writerrejected bang

      Except that everyone is everyone’s bitch these days.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 5:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Writerrejected bang

      Like me, for instance, I’m your bitch. And I’m not even a gay cowboy, or an anal retentive broom-in-closet immediately type.

      Jan 22, 2008 at 9:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Alison

    As one who lives with a messy roommate, we have no idea whether Joe consistently “leaves” things out around the house. And the story doesn’t say whether the roommate had put back the broom him/herself and stuck the note on the broom in its proper space. All in all, there’s not enough information provided to call this a “bitchy” note, in my opinion!

    Jan 22, 2008 at 3:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Kelly

    Well with all the anthropomorphic objects that have been moving themselves around lately, perhaps the broom moved itself.

    And now it’s just pissed because it has a shitty note taped to it.

    And yes, if you must say “Not trying to be bitchy” …you are being bitchy.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 4:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    The note is definitely bitchy (although possibly not whiny). The very reason for its existence is bitchiness. Further deconstruction suggests that roommate is not “asking nice” for there is no question, but a directive. And I think whenever someone says “I’m not talking down” or “I’m not condescending,” they obviously are.
    I’m not nitpicking (see what I mean?) but the spacing between lines suggests that the first three lines and the twisted smiley were the original content, and the last three lines a classic PA afterthought.
    The note also shows that roommate doesn’t bother to apostrophize . . . and what does “put it buck” mean, anyway?
    It’s obvious, to me: the roommate is upset because the BROOM is out of the closet.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Canthz_B bang

      I think that the roommates are now both out of the closet! :-P

      Jan 22, 2008 at 4:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    Al Jarreau…Breaking Away

    What have you done for me?
    You’re making more work for me.
    Broom on the wall,
    Look at this sprawl.
    I’m in a haze,
    I hate my days.

    You were my roommate guy.
    Promising me, to help my bills to die.
    Brought me finance,
    Kept me my pants.
    Let you move in,
    We both could win…
    Helping me.

    Put it away!
    Your carelessness
    Is really bothering me!
    Put it away!
    Your crappy attitude’s,
    Disgusting me!

    Now, you know me.
    You know that I’m no brute.
    I’m not bitching,
    Or talking down to you.
    I opened my door,
    We both were poor.
    My nerves are thin,
    Put broom closet in.
    Work with me!

    Put it away!
    Your carelessness
    Is really bothering me!
    Put it away!
    Your crappy attitude’s,
    Disgusting me!

    (repeat out)

    Jan 22, 2008 at 5:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   GhostWriter bang

      I like the songs where you can’t really understand the original lyrics (like this one) so reading along with the YouTube almost seems real.

      Jan 23, 2008 at 11:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Lurker

    That’s like hitting someone and saying, “I’m not being violent.”

    Jan 22, 2008 at 7:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Joe

    My room mate (Hey Im Joe, the victim fo this broom-note) is a GAY guy. That’ll explain the “bitchy.”

    We just had a hell of a fight last weekend where he actually left a VOICE MAIL on my phone telling me not to leave the “deodorizer unplugged in the living room.” I didnt get the Voice Mail on time so then he confronts me at home the next day and says ….

    “Hey I hope you don’t think it was bitchy that I left you a voice mail about the deodorizer … but.. can you please not leave it unplugg…” So I just EXPLODED and told him to F*** Off, and stop acting like a cunt. Then I took the deodorizer and literally through it out the window.

    We haven’t spoken since Friday,

    Jan 22, 2008 at 9:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Suhayla

      Bah! Does he OWN the house??
      And on the cunt remark… did you see that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry David calls that guy at the poker game a cunt and the remark causes the guy to reevaluate his life?

      Jan 22, 2008 at 11:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   Canthz_B bang

      I told you they were both out now!!

      *not that there’s anything wrong with that*

      Jan 22, 2008 at 11:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   raiseyourglass

      I think I seen this episode on Judge Mathis, wow I watch to much tv .If he moves out and your stuck with the rent , he’s not trying to be bitchy. If serves you with a restraining order he’s not talking down. He’s making nice. :)

      Jan 23, 2008 at 7:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   secondsout bang

      You should have thrown him out the window, too.

      Team Defenestration!

      Jan 23, 2008 at 3:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   Sam Jones

      There is no way that I would accept some machine churning out chemicals all day for people to breathe in. It’s bad when you can’t live without artificial fragrances, music etc

      Mar 24, 2008 at 3:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   raiseyourglass

    he didn’t leave the broom out…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUOYi4ppdSU

    Jan 22, 2008 at 10:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   A.A guy

    I just got released from the hospital a few hours ago.I was knocked unconscious by a flying Glade plug in.You should take an anger management course,oh and get a good lawyer.I’m suing.

    Jan 22, 2008 at 10:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   park rose bang

    Who does the broom belong to? The Wicked bitch witch of the West? Don’t worry, Joe. She melts if you throw a bucket of water over her.

    Jan 23, 2008 at 2:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   WickedLady bang

      Or a bucket of deodorizer. :P

      Jan 23, 2008 at 6:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   GhostWriter bang

    I spent my lunch break cleanin’ out my closet and look what I found!

    Where’s my spare?
    I have no spare for my main broom – there you go
    Yeah.. yo, yo

    Have you ever been treated to this visual event?
    I have- and I’m protesting this demonstration of intent.
    Picking brooms out my kitchen rooms, look- it resumes!
    Stickin’ it behind another folding chair by the dryer.
    All this location debatin’ just keeps up Joseph’s berating
    Temporar’ly apparent from throwing out my notation
    for taking something from one room, given how long it’s been missin’
    Keep taking brooms out of storage and leaving them in the kitchen
    Leave ‘em in the place they were- as soon as you finish up
    See you can handle them, but don’t you abandon them out
    Look at me growl; I bet ya hear me bitchin’ real loud, don’t you wanna?
    Won’cha take it to the correct closet now?

    I’m sorry Joey!
    I never meant to irk you-
    Remember when you take our broom, that you might
    return it to the closet.
    (one more time)
    I said, I’m sorry Joey!
    I never meant to irk you-
    Remember when you take our broom, that you might
    return it to the closet.

    (… sorry, but here’s no way I could ever finish this whole song)

    Jan 23, 2008 at 1:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Canthz_B bang

      :-D

      Jan 23, 2008 at 4:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Team Cassandra bang

      mmmmmmEminem.

      PS. re:sorry…

      I know, right? Rappers can be so verbose.

      Jan 23, 2008 at 8:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Erica C

    I hate, hate, hate when people are controlling and insane and still want to come off as the good guy. Newsflash: you can be easygoing, let shit go, and have people like you, or you can have everything precisely as you want it to be at all times and be detested. There’s no in-between.

    Jan 24, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   rt

    It would have taken less time if the bitchy roommate would put the broom back himself. I hope its still there.

    Jan 24, 2008 at 8:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Diane

    IF THERE HAS TO BE A NOTE, THERE HAS TO BE A PROBLEM! THE NOTE WOULDN’T BE WRITTEN IF HE CLEANED AND PUT THINGS BACK. AND FOR ALL OF YOU CONTRIBUTING TO HIS BEHAVIOR ARE ALL PROBABLY MESSY PEOPLE WHO DON’T CARE!

    Jan 30, 2008 at 2:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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