Paul Newman: the Franz Ferdinand of the fridge

January 27th, 2008 · 86 comments

This fridge saga (from a Boston-area university lab building) comes to us with a confession on the part of the anonymous submitter: she started it, sort of.

It all began when she discovered that her salad dressing had been mysteriously disposed of. Sad that she had to eat dry lettuce for lunch, she left a note (1) for the black hand responsible “in the least bitchy way I knew how.” She didn’t realize that her soundoff was actually a declaration of war.

There was a warning note for 1 week before it was cleaned.

Adds our submitter: “Needless to say, I think we have all been spending a little too much time in the lab.”

related: Great, your OCD just caused a diabetic coma. Happy?

FILED UNDER: college life · food · fridge · lab rats · Massachusetts · saga · whiteboard


86 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Tyler bang

    What if they do replace their mustard 1x week?

    Jan 27, 2008 at 6:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Wade bang

    I wonder if the stick figure is a minimalist representation of Edvard Munch’s The Scream?

    Jan 27, 2008 at 6:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   durian

      well, if someone munched on edvard’s lunch, not only would he be screaming, but he’d be stick-figure thin, too.

      I think you’ve got something there.

      *ps, I know it was the dressing that got tossed, and Munch’s painting isn’t a self-portrait, but it’s an opportunity too good to pass up.

      Jan 27, 2008 at 11:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   mere bang

      my first thought when i saw this was ‘what’s the deal with the stick figure?’. but thanks to wade, it all makes sense.
      my second thought was ‘wow, you’d think scientists would have the comments in some sort of order, and not all scattered like that’, but then i realized, scientists are NOT engineers.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 11:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   pry

    salad dressing gets thrown out weekly? i can understand an old moldy sandwich, but….

    Jan 27, 2008 at 6:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Karen bang

    I love Paint by Numbers. Love it !

    So if I take my Sharpie to my screen…1….2…3…4….5…what kind of animal…oh, shit, how do I clean this off ?

    Jan 27, 2008 at 6:44 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Lorelie

      Whiteout.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 9:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      …uh…are you sure you aren’t thinking of “Connect the Dots”? Just sayin’…. if it’s a “Paint by Numbers” and all you have is one Sharpie in (presumably) monochrome format… well, where’s the fun in that? Unless maybe it’s supposed to be an Edward Gorey drawing or something… ;)

      Jan 28, 2008 at 6:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Karen bang

      WP, that’s exactly what I meant. My brain didn’t connect with it. I was hoping no one would notice. But thanks for pointing it out, anyway. ROFL
      ;)

      Jan 28, 2008 at 6:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   WanderingPenguin bang

      Karen, as you may or may not have already noticed…. that is precisely what I am here for. :D

      Nice turn of phrase with “my brain didn’t connect with it”, BTW!

      Jan 28, 2008 at 9:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    These people need a Joan Rivers intervention: “Can we talk”?!

    Jan 27, 2008 at 6:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Denagh

    Honestly..these ppl should stop bickering about their mustard or dry salads..and get back to work!! lol

    Jan 27, 2008 at 6:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    This was a clever plot to steal anonymous’ salad dressing. Everyone but her received the e-mail!

    Jan 27, 2008 at 7:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Luv this site

    Even if you do get the heads-up, what are you supposed to do with half a bottle of salad dressing during fridge-cleaning time? Where are you going to store it while the fridge is being cleaned?

    Jan 27, 2008 at 7:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Amy

      Do you throw away your shampoo every time you clean your shower? It’s not like the dressing is going to go bad in the half hour it takes to clean the fridge. I’m sure there’s a floor somewhere that the bottle can be placed on while the fridge is being cleaned!

      Team don’t-throw-away-good-condiments

      Jan 27, 2008 at 7:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Luv this site

      except the fridges generally get cleaned out at night after everybody is gone…. at least that’s how it was where I worked. And the cleaning people had no interest in deciding what to save and what to throw out— it all got chucked, even unopened bottles.

      Jan 27, 2008 at 7:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    What we got here is . . . failure to communicate.

    Jan 27, 2008 at 7:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Crash bang

      Some men you just can’t reach so you get what we had here last week which is the way he wants it well he get’s it and I don’t like it anymore than you men…
      Sorry, remined me of a good movie and song…had to finish it.

      Jan 27, 2008 at 8:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Canthz_B bang

      What was her dressing doing in Boss Keane’s fridge?

      Jan 27, 2008 at 9:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Who threw out my 50 hard-boiled eggs?

      Jan 28, 2008 at 7:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Writerrejected bang

    I personally try to visit my food in the fridge three times a day. If I’m not going to make it for my regular visit, I call for a chat.

    Jan 27, 2008 at 7:56 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    Or maybe the fridge nazi thought, “sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand.”

    Jan 27, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   analyst

    …exactly why I hold on to all of those extra condiment packets! One salad toss, dip, or spread, and pitch the rest! :)

    Jan 27, 2008 at 8:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    “Someone make sure that salad dressing is still good, please”

    “Shakin’ it over here, Boss!”

    Jan 27, 2008 at 8:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   bellabeastie

    Where does anyone work that they clean the fridge once a day? Is the stick figure the culprit? Aah. Now we know. Jumps in the fridge, throws out any unclaimed salad dressing and runs laughing into the night…. BaaHaa Haa… (not to mention any leftover sammwitches and packettes)… snicker…..

    Jan 27, 2008 at 8:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   bellabeastie

    Maybe the stick figure took the salad dressing to the Lab? Perchance for testing?

    Jan 27, 2008 at 8:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   bamBAM!

    Coloring in the “e”s in sciences really adds a nice touch to whole situation.

    Jan 27, 2008 at 9:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Detective Julie

    I feel bad for that little stick guy; I think he was just minding his own business and got caught in the crossfire.

    Jan 27, 2008 at 9:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   durian

      He was running away from the cranky server threads, and thought a science lab would offer him safe harbor. Poor deluded little twig.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 12:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   A.A guy

    I’d try labeling my salad dressing”urine sample”.That should keep most peoples’ hands off it;especially if you use chunky Italian.

    Jan 27, 2008 at 10:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   gill

      I work in a lab, and I can personally attest that labeling your salad dressing “urine sample” isn’t going to keep anyone’s hands off it. There is way grosser stuff laying around than that. Trust me.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 5:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   S.S.

      Not to mention that everybody knows that lab samples and food samples are kept in two completely different fridges. If you label something “urine sample” and put it in the food-fridge, it’s just a huge label saying “Hey! I’m delicious and my owner is trying to prevent other people from eating me! Eat me! Eat me!”

      Better label it something completely inconspicuous.

      Jan 29, 2008 at 7:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   senor subagua

    was that extra chunky blue cheese? i thought it was creamy italian last time i visited….

    Jan 27, 2008 at 10:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   A.A guy

    Well it gets lonely in the lab late at night……..

    Jan 27, 2008 at 10:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   jnadreau

    Why not put a date on the dressing with a sharpie when you put it in the fridge? Then everybody knows how old it is. After a year, it’s time to chuck it.

    I hope that dressing was fucking delicious.

    Jan 27, 2008 at 11:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Chipmunk

      Hahah, Team Not Michelle FTW!
      So what are we… Team Not Salad Dressing Destroyer?

      Jan 28, 2008 at 7:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   lola bang

    God forbid you throw out those little packs of ketchup and sweet ‘n’ sour sauce that you get from fast food places, too.

    I really love seeing piles of them in the door of the fridge, then someone gets the ingenius idea to put them in a CUP so they can be safe for the rest of eternity because no one would dare use a pack of day old ketchup!!! GASP.

    Sorry, where am I?

    Jan 27, 2008 at 11:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   pickle bang

    Why are there so many different kinds of handwriting? It’s like two sane people left simple, neutral notes… and then six loons leapt out from behind the bins in turn to release all their food-angst and resentment.

    Jan 28, 2008 at 3:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   jean_luc_turbo

    God this is a bipolar lab…wonder what they work on…

    …anti-depressants?

    …energy drinks?

    they all need to join a cannabis club…

    Jan 28, 2008 at 3:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Lizzie

    Just so you know, salad dressing is a privilege.

    Jan 28, 2008 at 7:24 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Karin

    I made a deal with the lady who cleaned out our fridge at work, when I did work – she did it at 2pm on Thursdays and I ordered pizza on Thursdays (enough for lunch on thurs and fri). I gave her a piece of pizza and breadstick on Thursdays and she didn’t throw out my labeled pizza (I had tupperware at work that I put it in so the big box wasn’t taking up so much room) or labeled salad dressing. Now, being a stay-at-home-mom, I wish she would come to my house and clean out my fridge once a week too!

    Jan 28, 2008 at 8:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   GhostWriter bang

      I’m sorry Karin, but if I had just lost a half a Quizo’s sub and saw your pizza still sitting in there, I would be rolling your left-over pizza into the shape of a Quizno’s sub.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 8:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   GhostWriter bang

    To be fair…
    A one-week warning from Dec. 26th to Jan. 2nd doesn’t really count.

    The entire box of left-over holiday party chocolate covered strawberries- Gone!

    Jan 28, 2008 at 8:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   GhostWriter bang

    To be fair…
    A warning siren is quite different (and not as informative) as a warning note.

    Jan 28, 2008 at 9:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   A.A guy

    The answer to this problem is individual fridges.Instead of a bank of little lockers everyone should have little train station sized refrigerators(with combination locks)Once a year a mandatory mass cleaning would occur with the locks being cut off those no longer with the company or not complying.

    If your going to act like your still in high school………

    Jan 28, 2008 at 9:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   GhostWriter bang

      I am having trouble picturing the “little train station sized refrigerators” but I think it’s a great name for a band.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      Thank you. I thought I was the only one on here who kept seeing great band names every place he turned. :)

      Jan 28, 2008 at 9:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Lurker

    So, does the Fridge Cleaner never keep things like salad dressing in her home fridge more than a week?

    Jan 28, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   amy d bang

    Hmm, the fridge cleaner only says “there was a warning for 1 week before it was cleaned”.

    They do not indicate the form or location of the warning. Perhaps the cleaner made a sotto voiced announcement in their cube every morning?

    Jan 28, 2008 at 9:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   amy d bang

    I’m also strangely bothered by note #4. Is it a continuation of or an agreement to note #3? Otherwise, it seems incomplete. Is the stick figure a part of note #4? And what is partially erased to the left of Mr. Figure? Maybe if we could see that, not #4 would make complete sense and be a brilliant statement.

    Jan 28, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Ariadne bang

      I read #4 as “next time YOU clean, how about that?” – (with snarky inflection on the “you”). This would make it a sarcastic reply to #3.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 10:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   amy d bang

      Well, that makes perfect sense and now I feel like an idiot. :D

      Jan 28, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   Ariadne bang

      No – don’t! I had to read it a couple of times to figure it out myself!! It’s really the note-writer’s fault – the word “you” should have been capitalized and scrawled more angrily to make sense.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 10:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   anglophile bang

      And it should have been triple-underlined, too. Obviously a novice p/a note writer. I could give #4 a few tips…..

      Jan 28, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.5   amy d bang

      No, Ariadne it’s okay. Really. I’m used to feeling like an idiot. Seriously, I was just poking fun at myself.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 11:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.6   Ariadne bang

      #32.4 – Like having the stick figure above shaking its angry little fist perhaps, anglo?

      Jan 28, 2008 at 11:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.7   anglophile bang

      With smoke curlicues coming out of his ears!

      Jan 28, 2008 at 4:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Lisa

    OMG! I haven’t visited my dear old Aunt Gertrude in the nursing home since NOVEMBER!

    Jan 28, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      when you do, take her some Sweet’n'Low packets!

      Jan 28, 2008 at 6:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   secondsout bang

      when you visit Aunt Gertrude, be sure to look through her old yearbook and read the lovely comments that Margaret left for her.

      Jan 29, 2008 at 3:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.3   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      NICE pickup, 2ndsout! Bonus soup for you!

      Jan 29, 2008 at 4:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   TreeShaker

    Man, at the office I work, if anyone takes on the disgusting task of cleaning our fridge, they have the RIGHT to throw out anything. We have some serious science experiments growing in there. My fave is the guy in accounting that brings sardines for lunch – but he doesn’t eat them all at once – so he leaves the open can in the fridge….arphhhruggmmph

    Jan 28, 2008 at 11:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   jimmyjimmyjimmyjimmykalamahoo! kalamahee! kalamabringachairplease!

    Jesus H christ

    Jan 28, 2008 at 11:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Writerrejected bang

      I like your name, jimmyjimmyjimmyjimmykalamahoo!kalamahee! kalamabringachairplease!

      But I am sad that you link to a porn site called Porno Tube. That also seems like false advertising, which is a theme for me today.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   ALA bang

      An open tin of SARDINES? I gotta go with a Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ on that one. I think if you work in that office, you get to take the sardines from the fridge & put them in the accounting guy’s desk drawer. Really deep in the drawer…underneath all of his files. You also get to put tacks in his chair, glue on his phone, turn everything on his desk upside-down, and saran-wrap his chair (putting loads of confetti between each saran wrap layer…this is especially cruel, as you can NEVER rid the workspace of all of the confetti). The sardines guy deserves whatever he gets.

      Jan 29, 2008 at 9:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Ariadne bang

    Hmm – since Paul Newman has the salad dressing market cornered, what grocery store items do you suppose Franz Ferdinand would make? (Never mind the fact that he is long dead…)

    Jan 28, 2008 at 12:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Writerrejected bang

      Franz Ferdinand Fluffernutter. Have you ever tasted that fluffy white heaven in a sugary jar? It’s worth fighting the War to End All Wars over. Believe you me.

      (BTW, why didn’t that war end all wars? Seems like false advertising.)

      Jan 28, 2008 at 1:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      I would guess Franz Ferdinand would make some extra-spicy hot sauce called “This Fire” and on the bottle the label would read: “You Could Have It So Much Better if you just Take Me Out.”

      At least that’s how I see it. :D

      Jan 28, 2008 at 6:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.3   amazon bang

      As proof of how MTV has rotted my mind, when I read “Franz Ferdinand” in the title, I immediately thought of the band, and didn’t understand how it connected to this post at all.

      *sigh*

      Jan 29, 2008 at 3:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.4   WanderingPenguin bang

      *blink blink* …. you mean it’s not about the band….? :|

      Jan 29, 2008 at 7:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   GhostWriter bang

    I finally figured it out!

    The whole “Cool Hand Luke” thing threw me off, but here’s the scoop: The death of the Newman’s Own dressing kicked off a note war, just like the death of arch-duke Franz Ferdinand kicked off World War One.

    You mean you already figured it out on your own? …never mind.

    Jan 28, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Lurker

    Franz Perdinand would make Archduke™ cookies.
    Archduke™ cookies would be to Archway™ cookies what Fig Newmans™ are to Fig Newtons™.

    Jan 28, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Brilliant. I hate mine now. Wish I had read this first. :|

      Oh well. At least I spelled “Ferdinand” right. :D

      Jan 28, 2008 at 6:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Franz Ferdinand the man would make Franz Fries . . . or maybe Assassination-Os. Franz Ferdinand the band would do Pop-Tarts (okay, really, they’d do Rock-Tarts, or maybe Guitar Hero sandwiches).

      Jan 28, 2008 at 7:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   amy d bang

      Are you going post-all, Grim?

      Jan 28, 2008 at 7:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.4   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Well, I WANTED to say . . . . “those condom-mints make __________ delicious” but I just really didn’t want to stoop that low. I’m stooping, boss, I’m stooping!

      Jan 29, 2008 at 4:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   bamBAM!!

    It seems like there has been a lot of fridge cleaning troubles lately. If everyone was like me, and left shit in there until spring cleaning once a decade, no one would have these problems. Just think Thoreau- Walden Pond. (wordy sentence alert) You’ll reach the center of fridge etiquette tranquility which will in turn replenish your ability to live happily amongst roomates who must consume food.

    Another solution: Live on SPAM

    or…

    FROOT LOOPS

    or…

    CAMPELL’s CHICKEN NOODLE (possibilities)

    Jan 28, 2008 at 4:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      You leave shit in your refrigerator? (sorry, just having a Happy Gilmore moment)

      Do you have anything that doesn’t have Spam in it?

      Jan 28, 2008 at 7:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   bamBAM!!

    uh… sorry chicken noodle possibilities are hard to live on. I meant soup. okay…

    Jan 28, 2008 at 4:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      No soup for you!

      Jan 28, 2008 at 6:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   bamBAM!!

    Personally, I replace my mustard (X 1 week

    Jan 28, 2008 at 4:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      I say . . . would you have any gray poop on?

      Jan 28, 2008 at 7:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   magickat

    that was an extremely satisfying round of passive aggresiveness. loved the whole numbering thing as well.

    well done.

    Jan 28, 2008 at 4:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   drinless

    I’m all for Team I Replace My Mustard Daily, but if no one wants to join, I guess I’ll be for Team Not Salad Dressing Destroyer.

    And, as for visiting my food in the fridge… Well, I’m afraid I’m not a fan of cold climates, so I suppose I don’t visit quite often enough for The FridgeCleaner.

    Jan 28, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Neil

    Fridge cleaning in an employee environment is a bitch!!!….but come on people if it is a condiment , leave it in the fridge!!!…those things last for eons…..no one is scoring you on how great you cleaned the fridge….and making a point by throwing out condiments makes you a loser….not a hero in your work environment…

    Jan 30, 2008 at 4:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Karsoe

    Bloody hell, it looks like it was written by David Foster Wallace.*

    [* - not that I have anything against him.]

    Nov 6, 2008 at 3:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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