If we give up our exclamation points, the terrorists win!!!

January 30th, 2008 · 62 comments

“The tiny Sioux City, Iowa airport had a jaw-droppingly comprehensive intro to what one could or could not take on board a plane,” reports Timoni from San Francisco, including actual sample-sized bottles of toiletries taped up, show-and-tell style. “The corker, though, was this vehement note near the end (which, yes, had a plastic QUART-SIZE BAG!!!!!!!!! taped underneath).”

You need to separate your QUART SIZE BAG and have it X-RAYED BY IT'S SELF!!!!!!!!!

related: If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge

FILED UNDER: airport · apostrophe abuse · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Sioux City · spelling and grammar police


62 responses so far ↓

  • #1   anglophile bang

    The red, white and blue theme represents the glory of the United States, while the yellow lying-down D-shape represents what happens to Democracy if we try to smuggle too much shampoo on board.

    I’m pretty sure Rudy Giuliani designed this notice.

    Jan 30, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Suhayla

      Good to see that the local Airport Authority isn’t immune to colour-coded block lettering and manic punctuation.

      Jan 30, 2008 at 10:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   secondsout bang

    I could state the obvious and say it should be “itself,” not “it’s self.” But that would be rude. oh wait, too late.

    Jan 30, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Miss Muffet bang

      it’s self-evident ;) . But thanks anyway. :)

      Jan 30, 2008 at 11:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   mere bang

      actually, it IS ‘itself’. the bag does not need to be x-rayed by ‘it is self’, however ‘IT IS self-evident’.
      says the girl who doesn’t use caps….

      Jan 31, 2008 at 12:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   richard

      I am loving that while the word “itself” was horribly mutilated, the author (artist?) got “separated” right.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 4:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   miss muffet bang

      twas just a feeble pun, mere – taken to new heights in 2.2? ;)

      and richard, I think the spellcheck got separated right (and it’s self). :)

      Jan 31, 2008 at 6:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   secondsout bang

    Does the quart-sized bag need to be x-rayed by itself, or would it make more sense if it had the approved toiletries inside?

    Jan 30, 2008 at 10:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Suhayla

      I wonder if they call homeland security on you for asking too many questions about proper security screening procedures…

      Jan 30, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      That was my question. Considering you need to “separate your quart sized bag” I think removing all objects inside is the safest route. Perhaps also separating the zip-top from the actual BAG portion is a good idea as well, since I have no idea how to separate a bag. Perhaps if they included WHAT one needs to separate the bag FROM … no, better to separate the bag into its parts.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 8:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   GVI bang

    Awesome move TSA. X-ray those clear plastic bags, lord knows what someone might have in them.

    Jan 30, 2008 at 10:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   mamason bang

    Holy crap! What if you don’t have a quart size bag? Did I miss the memo? NO ONE TOLD ME I HAD TO HAVE A QUART SIZE BAG!

    *just breathe… breathe*

    Jan 30, 2008 at 10:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Sue Do Nim bang

    If I separate it, my quart size(d) bag will no longer be a bag.

    Jan 30, 2008 at 10:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Max

    You got to keep ‘em separated.

    Also, I’ve found that if you put SOME liquids in your quart-sized bag, and keep the others in your purse/briefcase/whatever, you get through. It’s like they stop looking once they see the ziplock.

    In addition, my eyebrow tweezers have been on my carry-on for two years with zero stops. I consider them my terrorism-fighting tweezers, right up there with the plastic knives they give you to eat.

    Jan 30, 2008 at 11:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      They want you to eat plastic knives? Man, flight crews are getting tough!

      Jan 31, 2008 at 2:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Max

      Well, they’re more easily digestible than the stainless steel ones. So I’m told.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 7:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      I forgot and left my large multi-tool in my carry-on several times when flying in and out of LAX. No one cared. But hellfire and damnation rained down when I attempted to carry-on a Bic lighter so I could have a smoke at my destination.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 8:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Karin

      both funny and scary – they stop looking after you show them your ziploc bag… my husband just said that he accidentally left his ziploc bag in his carry-on and no one said anything to him.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 9:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Team Cassandra bang

    Zis ART! Eet ees so BREFTAKINGUE!
    Zis cutteenand zis paysteen! Magnifique!
    Zees plenty plenty esclamassions!
    Zis rred vis zis blu! And zee yello vis zis vaite!

    I moost find zis signmakerr!
    I moost have zis SIGN!
    I have travelllled so farr and so vaide and neffer – NEFFER! – haf I seen such BEAUTAY!

    Jan 30, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Morticia . . . you’re speaking French! Cara mia!

      Jan 31, 2008 at 2:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   raiseyourglass

    just sayin’…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuq0Rlll3cE

    Jan 30, 2008 at 11:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   secondsout bang

      Holy crap! I know the guy who made this youtube video. He’s this guy who calls himself Chingo Bling, and makes a living pretending to be some ghetto Mexican rapper.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 2:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   shane

      please place your kangaroo in a quart sized plastic bag to be X-rayed by itself!!!!!!!!!!

      Jan 31, 2008 at 9:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   park rose bang

      that’d be a damn small kangaroo, then! ;)

      Jan 31, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Kelly

    I want to bring a bag that is like a quart and an ounce size. Just to piss them off.

    And I won’t pull it out for them to x-ray either.

    Jan 30, 2008 at 11:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   secondsout bang

    Is it just me, or would the picture have been better if the whole scene had been included, and not just the note? Maybe what this person finds jaw-droppingly comprehensive should be on display, too.

    Jan 31, 2008 at 12:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   timoni

      It was definitely an opportunity lost. I can’t believe I didn’t just photograph the whole thing, especially since I was stuck there for about eight hours. I think I mainly didn’t want to attract attention (they are pretty uptight, those Sioux City TSA guys).

      Jan 31, 2008 at 1:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Tyler bang

    Can I substitute four cup sized bags for the one quart size bag?

    Jan 31, 2008 at 12:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Sure, and they’ll Taser you!

      Jan 31, 2008 at 2:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   shane

      don’t Tase me bro!!!

      Jan 31, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   secondsout bang

    If I were more ambitious, I might attempt a song parody of “Keep ‘em Separated” by the Offspring, but I’m waaay too lazy.

    Jan 31, 2008 at 12:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Mystic

    I wonder how many condoms you can fit in a clear quart-sized bag?

    Jan 31, 2008 at 1:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Questionnert

    And I gots’ a do it by my’s self??????

    Jan 31, 2008 at 2:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Emily

    I love the excessive exclamation points. But in all honesty, I sort of sympathize with the security people…I’ve waited a LONG time in a lot of short security lines because people just couldn’t figure this one out, despite the near CONSTANT announcements playing.

    Jan 31, 2008 at 4:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   park rose bang

    Please especially forgive (me for) the third verse!
    fine young cannibals, suspicious minds

    We’re caught in a trap, we can’t walk out,
    Because the queue’s too much crazy,
    Why can’t they see, what they’re doin’ to me,
    When they don´t believe a word we’re sayin´?

    You can’t get on the airliner – with suspicious vials
    Must decant, instill our creams (in bags), or leave them behind.

    I brought an odd compound I know;
    lye, eardrops hairspray, jello
    Will I see suspicion in their eyes?
    Here they go again,
    ask me to pare and screen
    They can’t see the tears I’ve skived – tears I – tears I’ve skived.

    We can’t get on the airliner, with suspicious vials
    Must decant, instill our creams (in bags) or leave them behind.

    Oh, wildflower Dove, Pamolive,
    You’ll lose the gear you buy.
    Don´t let these good things behind, you know,
    Have a quart-sized issue, to-go, car-go!

    We’re caught in a trap, we can’t walk out,
    Because the queue’s too much crazy,
    Why can’t they see, what they’re doin’ to me,
    When they don´t believe a word we’re sayin´?

    We can’t get on the airliner, with suspicious vials
    Must decant, instill our creams (in bags) or leave them behind…

    and so on

    Jan 31, 2008 at 5:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   amy d bang

      Nicely done, Rose, but how can you credit the FYC over The King? Just wondering.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 9:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   park rose bang

      roland gift is a ♥cutie♥ and I’ve always had a massive crush on him, and I like his voice -
      check him out in a film called ‘Sammy and Rosie Get Laid’

      you should youtube that song – you wouldn’t believe how many people have covered it!

      Jan 31, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Ozymandias bang

    If we give up our exclamation points, we’ll no longer be able to see why the comments turn green. ;)

    Jan 31, 2008 at 5:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   amy d bang

    I feel like the sign is speaking directly to, nay, screaming at me and only me. *Scurries to the kitchen, removes the quart sized bags from the box and begins covering the counters with them, making sure that no bags encroach the boundaries of another. *

    Jan 31, 2008 at 7:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Shanoney

      You comment made me giggle!

      What if someone put four regular sandwich bags (the one cup variety) inside an one quart bag? would taht be allowed?

      Feb 3, 2008 at 9:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   kcb

    This should be reported to http://apostrophe-abuse.blogspot.com. Is there a site for exclamation point-abuse?

    Jan 31, 2008 at 9:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   amy d bang

    Since this airport is all about show and tell , perhaps the number of exclamation points (9) represents the total number of liquid containers one is allowed to carry on to the plane, as long as they are properly bagged and x-rayed?

    Jan 31, 2008 at 9:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   unholyghost2003 bang

    They must have seen this flier
    http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/011508/apostrophes-for-sale.gif
    (Thanks Toothpaste For Dinner!)

    Jan 31, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Sister Sassy

    Good thing they TYPED ALL IN CAPS SO EVERYONE COULD KNOW THEY WERE SCREAMING

    That note was probably meant for someone like me who hasn’t flown since Spring of 2000 and has no clue what to do at the airport.

    Jan 31, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      oooh seasoned travelers HATE you and the airport gift shops LOVE you. Stuck behind you in the line we glare daggers at your back while you fumble with the overly complex laces on your shoes only to realize once you have them off that you have NO clear quart size bags or tiny plastic bottles, and are trying to carry 4 bottles of wine and enough personal grooming products (in their original containers) to start a salon. So you fight your way BACK through the line to purchase such plastic bags and tiny bottles at the airport store, meanwhile all of this has taken up 45 min of line time and everyone behind you has to RUN to make their gate on time.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 10:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   mere bang

      you had me at ‘wine’…. :)

      Jan 31, 2008 at 12:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   ALA bang

      My brother-in-law & I fly often for work; we call the holiday travel season “amateur hour.” Damn infrequent flyers!

      I do have to give my local TSA agents some credit, as they have a basket full of the correct size baggies AND they help the novices among us to quickly pack the little baggie & be on their way…all while not skipping a beat in their lecture about what is & is not allowable in carry-on luggage.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 9:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Ariadne bang

    Hmm – the “kindergarten cut-and-paste” quality of this notice is hardly a comforting indication of the level of professionalism at this airport. Yikes. 8O

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   KittyKat

    What if I just have a lowercase quart-sized bag? Does that need to be separated too?

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   amy d bang

    The Red, White and Blue colors represent patriotism. The yellow represents urine. Therefore, the subliminal message here is:

    You are pissing on America if you do not follow this rule.

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Lurker

    “Well, yes, my wife’s a petite lady, but people usually call her ‘pint size,’ not ‘quart size.’”

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Suhayla

      do you have her separated and x-rayed at the airport?

      Jan 31, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Lurker

      Not if she behaves herself.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 2:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   durian

      But if she doesn’t behave herself she gets hung, drawn and quartered.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 8:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   ALA bang

      If we’ve got someone so hung up on grammar that s/he turns into the the stationary/stationery police, how is it that ‘hung, drawn, and quartered’ made it past our censors?? Particularly given this ‘hung’ is in reference to a woman?

      Feb 4, 2008 at 8:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   durian

      My grammar must be out of date.

      Feb 4, 2008 at 9:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Carlina

    Nothin’ more aggravating than people who still don’t know the FAA airport safety rules.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 6:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   eepp

    Then there’s the announcement I heard at O’Hare: “Once again, this is the last and final boarding call for flight XXXX…” Wait, last _and_ final–and once _again_?!? And they said it at least five times. Each time it got on my last (and final) nerve.

    Jul 21, 2008 at 4:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Gavelect

    I know some people feel victimised by security measures at airports, and the thought of being profiled is not nice either but after witnessing some of the terror scenes from one of the Ramada Jarvis Glasgow Airport hotels in Scotland I feel a little safer knowing that security measures at all airports across the globe have been beefed up since. After all if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to worry about.

    Nov 20, 2009 at 5:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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