the zagat guide to threatening signage

January 31st, 2008 · 88 comments

“beware,” indeed: walking along “west 25th or so” in manhattan, this “work of art” was enough to make eric “personally” “shit his pants.”

from the zagat guide to threatening signage

tangential: the zagat history of my last relationship [the new yorker]

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FILED UNDER: new york · not-so-veiled threats · unnecessary "quotation marks"

88 responses so far ↓

  • #1  miss muffet

    “got” enough “tape there?”

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:05 pm   rating: +10  

    • #1.1  bamBAM!!

      they just wanted to make sure that no one stole their note. I hate it when that happens

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:42 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #2  Detective Julie

    I’m “afeared”!

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:08 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #3  rubberducky75

    Damn the quotation marks!!! I can just see her making little “air quotes” (ha ha) with her fingers…

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:09 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #4  bigduh

    Personally speaking, I am afraid of anyone that makes unprovoked threats, and feels the need to tape all activity. Isn’t that the government’s job?

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:09 pm   rating: +3  

     
  • #5  miss muffet

    Sting wrote this one ; he recorded it on vinyl, cd and tape (sorry).

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:11 pm   rating: +1  

    • #5.1  anglophile

      Er, miss muffet. Shouldn’t you be working instead of trolling the internets for bootlegged Sting material? ;)

      Jan 31, 2008 at 10:35 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #5.2  miss muffet

      just taking a break from making my curds and whey . ;)

      Back to it you say then? Okay.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 10:51 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #6  Canthz_B

    WOW!!! A free watch just for standing underneath the camera!

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:28 pm   rating: +1  

    • #6.1  bamBAM!!

      that wasn’t too punny.

      or whatever the hell it wasn’t.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #7  Canthz_B

    My knees knocked upon my first reading of this one. Then I realized that it is directed at “you” not aimed at “me”!

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:31 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #8  pingu

    1. Love that “someone” else added the apostrope and ‘e’ to “your”

    2. under camera seems to be an animation style - could it be Wallace & Gromit are behind (or under )the sign?

    This would explain the huge strips of tape (no opposable thumbs to speak of).

    3. How did they know it was my doppelganger and not me walking along the street, huh CB? (”you”).

    4. I guess that is why I must beware.

    5. I don’t know wether I’m looking forward to, or scared of, being dealt with - very soon - personally.

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #9  fantasy

    “Candid Camera” (theme song)
    “Beware” when you least expect it,
    You’ll regret it
    Very soon’s My lucky day “Beware”,
    You’re under camera
    Hocus, Pocus, You’re the “Focus”,
    It’s My “Lucky” Day,
    “Beware” You’re being “Watched”
    You’re under camera,
    If you think I’m foolin’
    I’ll “Deal” with “you’ and
    “In Person”too,
    So “Beware”,
    It’s my “Lucky” Day
    So when you least expect it, you’ll regret it,
    I’ll be seein’ you
    “Personally”I’ll enjoy it,
    On that very Day
    So “Beware” You’re under “Camera”! ;)

    Jan 31, 2008 at 11:15 pm   rating: +2  

    • #9.1  GhostWriter

      That makes me think that the note might just be the obligatory disclaimer that Candid Camera has to display these days, to avoid litigation.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 10:01 am   rating: +5  

       
     
  • #10  Canthz_B

    Apparently, the PANuary quota of exclamation points was maxed out on the previous not. This one screams for a few! :-P

    Jan 31, 2008 at 11:18 pm   rating: +2  

    • #10.1  Canthz_B

      Edit function malfunction…That’s “note” in place of “not”

      Jan 31, 2008 at 11:25 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #10.2  jan

      I am happy that the note poster is conscientious enough to deal with me personally instead of delegating that task to an underling. I feel important.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 11:39 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #11  Kelly

    Oh wait…so as long as I’m not UNDER the camera, I’m not being watched? Sweet.

    Jan 31, 2008 at 11:59 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #12  DrAstroZoom

    Oh yes, I’ll deal with “you” — if, in fact, that is your real name.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 12:49 am   rating: +8  

    • #12.1  Team Cassandra

      Word!

      I green you! :D

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:46 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.2  DrAstroZoom

      Thank “you.” :D

      Feb 2, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.3  Canthz_B

      Congrats, Doc! :-D

      Feb 2, 2008 at 9:44 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.4  Team Cassandra

      O “damn”. I did “it” “wrong”.

      Feb 4, 2008 at 5:26 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #13  Questionnert

    “My” my, “what” did “I” do “wrong” “?”

    Feb 1, 2008 at 3:03 am   rating: +3  

     
  • #14  Tyler

    I’ll add a comment -very soon-

    Feb 1, 2008 at 3:49 am   rating: +3  

    • #14.1  Ozymandias

      We’ll deal with “you” - personally - when you do.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 4:40 am   rating: +5  

       
    • #14.2  PandoraWombat

      Ozymandias? Aren’t you the King of Ants? (sorry, gratuitous Monty Python reference)

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:07 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #15  RALPHY

    My, My–We’re being a little testy today-Aren’t we? Oh, by the way-I stole your camera!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 6:45 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #16  Lurker

    Do the triple euphemisms cancel each other out, like double negatives?

    Feb 1, 2008 at 8:27 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #17  GhostWriter

    So that’s where that cue card went! There we were, filming scene 8 of our James Bond spoof, and suddenly the vixen and the villian are searching for their next lines- Thank you, Mr. Cue Card Taper-Upper, and now, on with the show!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 8:54 am   rating: +4  

     
  • #18  mere

    i don’t understand.
    how do you watch someone under a camera? is the person being watched under camera, or is it the watcher? either way, it’s got to be uncomfortable.
    the watcher says ‘i’ll deal with you later’. what are you going to deal? cards? the watcher and watchee are going to play poker?
    so many quotation marks… so little time….

    Feb 1, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #19  GhostWriter

    Doesn’t the scribble under “Beware” look like a cursive “Crime“?

    In fact, doesn’t the whole note seem like something a superhero would say??

    Team UnderCameraMan!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: +3  

    • #19.1  KittyKat

      I think it looks like MMMMM.

      I can just hear Homer Simpson saying it, looking at a doughnut. Puts a whole new angle on things.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 11:33 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #20  GhostWriter

    Coincidentally, this note happens to the same script Office Depot employees are taught to greet customers with.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #21  unholyghost2003

    At first I was afraid, I was petrified … kept thinking “I’m watched by you when I’m outside” …

    Sorry song parodies are not my thing … anywho further reflection on this sign … I am not afraid of the sign maker. People worth being afraid of personally do not leave signs warning of cameras and PERSONAL dealings, they lean against walls with baseball bats rolled in broken glass. I have $5 that says the sign maker is 5′2″ 85lbs and a 7th level magic user.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 10:24 am   rating: +5  

    • #21.1  Suhayla

      I agree wholeheartedly. I think that with all the words in quotation marks in this sign, it’s a shame that signmaker neglected to mark his euphamistic use of the word ‘personally’.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 1:58 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #21.2  Grimfool_Reluctant

      Beware of 7th level magic users (especially if they’ve learned the “deal with” spell)!

      Feb 2, 2008 at 11:30 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #22  secondsout

    I think this is just a sad attempt for someone to try to get attention for himself by getting posted on the blog of unnecessary quotation marks. (see blogroll). Good site, btw, but doesn’t have as many funny, snide comments as this one.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 12:24 pm   rating: 0  

    • #22.1  KittyKat

      I can’t imagine to what you are referring. I’ve never seen a snide comment on this site.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #22.2  boris

      “I’ve” never “seen” a “snide” comment on this site, either.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 8:44 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #22.3  bamBAM!!

      go fuck yourself

      Feb 2, 2008 at 8:36 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #22.4  bamBAM!!

      obviously you didn’t see that one

      Feb 2, 2008 at 8:37 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #22.5  tipper moore

      bamBAM!!:

      1) Find large rock.

      2) Slither beneath it.

      3) Wait until we call you.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 8:50 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #22.6  bamBAM!!

      nice one!! I gave you a thumbs up

      p.s. any snide comments i post are completely sarcastic to all involved

      Feb 3, 2008 at 2:57 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #23  Heather

    Do you think she used the quotes because she means those words ironically?

    Feb 1, 2008 at 12:31 pm   rating: 0  

    • #23.1  RALPHY

      No Heather–She used them because she is a vendictive, evil, malcontent that is either on the wrong medication or her pills haven’t kicked in yet.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 4:59 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #23.2  bamBAM!!

      That, or since someone has already said them, she wanted to give credit to the sayer. Maybe below, it says,
      -Ralph Waldo Emerson

      or perhaps
      -”Ralph” “Waldo Emerson”

      Feb 2, 2008 at 6:05 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #24  Bellabeastie

    I wonder where was the note posted? The corner Convenient store? The entrance to your apartment building? (That WOULD freak me out). A bus stop? Is that a camera over your head or are you just glad to see me “Personally”? So many questions, so few answers… So much tape wasted. sigh

    Feb 1, 2008 at 12:45 pm   rating: +1  

    • #24.1  manhattnik

      Hi Bella. I sent in the photo. It was on a rather nondescript, industrial-looking doorway on West 25th St., or near there. It was next to an antiques/junk store, and I noticed it while looking at the goods outside on the sidewalk.

      There must be some sort of interesting (or at least violent) backstory here. I read the sign and thought “Holy shit!” and backed away, carefully. I love this site, so I had to take a picture of the sign and send it, although I half-expected the door to slam open and some lug wielding a baseball bat to start beating the crap out of me.

      Art won out over safety.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 7:27 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #24.2  Grimfool_Reluctant

      So, Manhattnik, the description above the photo says that you “personally” shit your pants . . . I’m just wondering if anyone has ever “impersonally” shit their pants?
      Now that I think about it, I guess I have now vicariously shit mine!

      Feb 1, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #24.3  bamBAM!!

      one could shit their pants without knowing it…?

      personal expierience

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:39 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #24.4  Canthz_B

      It is possible that someone else has shit this guy’s pants for him in the past.
      Spoiled Manhattan kids!

      Feb 2, 2008 at 9:51 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #25  Set To Evil

    I like a company that promises prompt and personal service!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 1:42 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #26  WickedLady

    Hey guys, I just popped by to say I’m going away for a while. Read my blog about it, if you feel like it, but it’s no big deal or anything. Have fun!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 1:51 pm   rating: 0  

    • #26.1  JaiJai

      Be well WL. It will pass.

      Feb 12, 2008 at 6:10 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #27  sitboaf

    You guys should be happy that something is being done - Rockwell’s on the loose again!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD21JDMp86c

    Feb 1, 2008 at 3:18 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #28  Adele

    what the heck is with the different styles of the letter E (and some other letters too)? It’s like 2 or 3 different people wrote this letter by letter.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 6:45 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #29  Juliet

    I love the quotation marks! It love it when they are used in signs especially. My favourites are:

    “Fresh” Seafood
    Lampshade “Sale”

    I haven’t ever come across “you” written anywhere. I don’t know what that means.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 8:21 pm   rating: +3  

     
  • #30  raiseyourglass

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ibRNJsCTyg

    Feb 1, 2008 at 8:57 pm   rating: 0  

    • #30.1  bamBAM!!

      wtf?? that wasn’t “FUNNY”

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:37 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #30.2  SHARKFAN

      yes it “was”

      Feb 5, 2008 at 12:28 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #31  ALA

    I feel this note should read ‘I’ll get “you” my pretty, and “your” little “dog” too.’

    Feb 2, 2008 at 9:23 am   rating: +4  

     
  • #32  A.A guy

    Damn;

    I can’t see any way to fit “urine sample” into this.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 9:37 am   rating: +1  

    • #32.1  durian

      If you pissed your pants instead of shittin’ them, you might get there.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 10:51 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #32.2  bamBAM!!

      “Beware” I’ll deal with “you” and your “urine sample” very soon. Personally.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 6:14 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #33  A.A guy

    Well I’m glad that he is going to deal with me personally, cause the other guy scares the shit out of me.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 9:41 am   rating: +1