From the Zagat Guide to Threatening Signage

January 31st, 2008 · 88 comments

“Beware,” indeed: Walking along “West 25th or so” in Manhattan, this “work of art” was enough to make Eric “personally” “shit his pants.”

extra credit: The Zagat history of my last relationship [The New Yorker]

FILED UNDER: New York · not-so-veiled threats · unnecessary "quotation marks"


88 responses so far ↓

  • #1   miss muffet bang

    “got” enough “tape there?”

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:05 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   bamBAM!!

      they just wanted to make sure that no one stole their note. I hate it when that happens

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Detective Julie

    I’m “afeared”!

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   rubberducky75

    Damn the quotation marks!!! I can just see her making little “air quotes” (ha ha) with her fingers…

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   bigduh

    Personally speaking, I am afraid of anyone that makes unprovoked threats, and feels the need to tape all activity. Isn’t that the government’s job?

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   miss muffet bang

    Sting wrote this one ; he recorded it on vinyl, cd and tape (sorry).

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   anglophile bang

      Er, miss muffet. Shouldn’t you be working instead of trolling the internets for bootlegged Sting material? ;)

      Jan 31, 2008 at 10:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   miss muffet bang

      just taking a break from making my curds and whey . ;)

      Back to it you say then? Okay.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 10:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    WOW!!! A free watch just for standing underneath the camera!

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   bamBAM!!

      that wasn’t too punny.

      or whatever the hell it wasn’t.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    My knees knocked upon my first reading of this one. Then I realized that it is directed at “you” not aimed at “me”!

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   pingu

    1. Love that “someone” else added the apostrope and ‘e’ to “your”

    2. under camera seems to be an animation style – could it be Wallace & Gromit are behind (or under )the sign?

    This would explain the huge strips of tape (no opposable thumbs to speak of).

    3. How did they know it was my doppelganger and not me walking along the street, huh CB? (“you”).

    4. I guess that is why I must beware.

    5. I don’t know wether I’m looking forward to, or scared of, being dealt with – very soon – personally.

    Jan 31, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   fantasy bang

    “Candid Camera” (theme song)
    “Beware” when you least expect it,
    You’ll regret it
    Very soon’s My lucky day “Beware”,
    You’re under camera
    Hocus, Pocus, You’re the “Focus”,
    It’s My “Lucky” Day,
    “Beware” You’re being “Watched”
    You’re under camera,
    If you think I’m foolin’
    I’ll “Deal” with “you’ and
    “In Person”too,
    So “Beware”,
    It’s my “Lucky” Day
    So when you least expect it, you’ll regret it,
    I’ll be seein’ you
    “Personally”I’ll enjoy it,
    On that very Day
    So “Beware” You’re under “Camera”! ;)

    Jan 31, 2008 at 11:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   GhostWriter bang

      That makes me think that the note might just be the obligatory disclaimer that Candid Camera has to display these days, to avoid litigation.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 10:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    Apparently, the PANuary quota of exclamation points was maxed out on the previous not. This one screams for a few! :-P

    Jan 31, 2008 at 11:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      Edit function malfunction…That’s “note” in place of “not”

      Jan 31, 2008 at 11:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   jan

      I am happy that the note poster is conscientious enough to deal with me personally instead of delegating that task to an underling. I feel important.

      Jan 31, 2008 at 11:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Kelly

    Oh wait…so as long as I’m not UNDER the camera, I’m not being watched? Sweet.

    Jan 31, 2008 at 11:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   DrAstroZoom bang

    Oh yes, I’ll deal with “you” — if, in fact, that is your real name.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 12:49 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Team Cassandra bang

      Word!

      I green you! :D

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   DrAstroZoom bang

      Thank “you.” :D

      Feb 2, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Canthz_B bang

      Congrats, Doc! :-D

      Feb 2, 2008 at 9:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Team Cassandra bang

      O “damn”. I did “it” “wrong”.

      Feb 4, 2008 at 5:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Questionnert

    “My” my, “what” did “I” do “wrong” “?”

    Feb 1, 2008 at 3:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Tyler bang

    I’ll add a comment -very soon-

    Feb 1, 2008 at 3:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Ozymandias bang

      We’ll deal with “you” – personally – when you do.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 4:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   PandoraWombat bang

      Ozymandias? Aren’t you the King of Ants? (sorry, gratuitous Monty Python reference)

      Aug 3, 2008 at 2:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   RALPHY

    My, My–We’re being a little testy today-Aren’t we? Oh, by the way-I stole your camera!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 6:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Lurker

    Do the triple euphemisms cancel each other out, like double negatives?

    Feb 1, 2008 at 8:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   GhostWriter bang

    So that’s where that cue card went! There we were, filming scene 8 of our James Bond spoof, and suddenly the vixen and the villian are searching for their next lines- Thank you, Mr. Cue Card Taper-Upper, and now, on with the show!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 8:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   mere bang

    i don’t understand.
    how do you watch someone under a camera? is the person being watched under camera, or is it the watcher? either way, it’s got to be uncomfortable.
    the watcher says ‘i’ll deal with you later’. what are you going to deal? cards? the watcher and watchee are going to play poker?
    so many quotation marks… so little time….

    Feb 1, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   GhostWriter bang

    Doesn’t the scribble under “Beware” look like a cursive “Crime“?

    In fact, doesn’t the whole note seem like something a superhero would say??

    Team UnderCameraMan!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   KittyKat

      I think it looks like MMMMM.

      I can just hear Homer Simpson saying it, looking at a doughnut. Puts a whole new angle on things.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 11:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   GhostWriter bang

    Coincidentally, this note happens to the same script Office Depot employees are taught to greet customers with.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   unholyghost2003 bang

    At first I was afraid, I was petrified … kept thinking “I’m watched by you when I’m outside” …

    Sorry song parodies are not my thing … anywho further reflection on this sign … I am not afraid of the sign maker. People worth being afraid of personally do not leave signs warning of cameras and PERSONAL dealings, they lean against walls with baseball bats rolled in broken glass. I have $5 that says the sign maker is 5’2″ 85lbs and a 7th level magic user.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 10:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Suhayla

      I agree wholeheartedly. I think that with all the words in quotation marks in this sign, it’s a shame that signmaker neglected to mark his euphamistic use of the word ‘personally’.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 1:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Beware of 7th level magic users (especially if they’ve learned the “deal with” spell)!

      Feb 2, 2008 at 11:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   secondsout bang

    I think this is just a sad attempt for someone to try to get attention for himself by getting posted on the blog of unnecessary quotation marks. (see blogroll). Good site, btw, but doesn’t have as many funny, snide comments as this one.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 12:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   KittyKat

      I can’t imagine to what you are referring. I’ve never seen a snide comment on this site.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   boris

      “I’ve” never “seen” a “snide” comment on this site, either.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 8:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   bamBAM!! bang

      go fuck yourself

      Feb 2, 2008 at 8:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   bamBAM!! bang

      obviously you didn’t see that one

      Feb 2, 2008 at 8:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   tipper moore

      bamBAM!!:

      1) Find large rock.

      2) Slither beneath it.

      3) Wait until we call you.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 8:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   bamBAM!! bang

      nice one!! I gave you a thumbs up

      p.s. any snide comments i post are completely sarcastic to all involved

      Feb 3, 2008 at 2:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Heather

    Do you think she used the quotes because she means those words ironically?

    Feb 1, 2008 at 12:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   RALPHY

      No Heather–She used them because she is a vendictive, evil, malcontent that is either on the wrong medication or her pills haven’t kicked in yet.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 4:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   bamBAM!! bang

      That, or since someone has already said them, she wanted to give credit to the sayer. Maybe below, it says,
      -Ralph Waldo Emerson

      or perhaps
      -”Ralph” “Waldo Emerson”

      Feb 2, 2008 at 6:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Bellabeastie

    I wonder where was the note posted? The corner Convenient store? The entrance to your apartment building? (That WOULD freak me out). A bus stop? Is that a camera over your head or are you just glad to see me “Personally”? So many questions, so few answers… So much tape wasted. sigh

    Feb 1, 2008 at 12:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   manhattnik

      Hi Bella. I sent in the photo. It was on a rather nondescript, industrial-looking doorway on West 25th St., or near there. It was next to an antiques/junk store, and I noticed it while looking at the goods outside on the sidewalk.

      There must be some sort of interesting (or at least violent) backstory here. I read the sign and thought “Holy shit!” and backed away, carefully. I love this site, so I had to take a picture of the sign and send it, although I half-expected the door to slam open and some lug wielding a baseball bat to start beating the crap out of me.

      Art won out over safety.

      Feb 1, 2008 at 7:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      So, Manhattnik, the description above the photo says that you “personally” shit your pants . . . I’m just wondering if anyone has ever “impersonally” shit their pants?
      Now that I think about it, I guess I have now vicariously shit mine!

      Feb 1, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   bamBAM!!

      one could shit their pants without knowing it…?

      personal expierience

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   Canthz_B bang

      It is possible that someone else has shit this guy’s pants for him in the past.
      Spoiled Manhattan kids!

      Feb 2, 2008 at 9:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Set To Evil

    I like a company that promises prompt and personal service!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 1:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   WickedLady bang

    Hey guys, I just popped by to say I’m going away for a while. Read my blog about it, if you feel like it, but it’s no big deal or anything. Have fun!

    Feb 1, 2008 at 1:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   JaiJai

      Be well WL. It will pass.

      Feb 12, 2008 at 6:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   sitboaf

    You guys should be happy that something is being done – Rockwell’s on the loose again!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD21JDMp86c

    Feb 1, 2008 at 3:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Adele

    what the heck is with the different styles of the letter E (and some other letters too)? It’s like 2 or 3 different people wrote this letter by letter.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 6:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Juliet bang

    I love the quotation marks! It love it when they are used in signs especially. My favourites are:

    “Fresh” Seafood
    Lampshade “Sale”

    I haven’t ever come across “you” written anywhere. I don’t know what that means.

    Feb 1, 2008 at 8:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   raiseyourglass

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ibRNJsCTyg

    Feb 1, 2008 at 8:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   bamBAM!!

      wtf?? that wasn’t “FUNNY”

      Feb 2, 2008 at 12:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   SHARKFAN bang

      yes it “was”

      Feb 5, 2008 at 12:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   ALA bang

    I feel this note should read ‘I’ll get “you” my pretty, and “your” little “dog” too.’

    Feb 2, 2008 at 9:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   A.A guy

    Damn;

    I can’t see any way to fit “urine sample” into this.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 9:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   durian

      If you pissed your pants instead of shittin’ them, you might get there.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 10:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   bamBAM!! bang

      “Beware” I’ll deal with “you” and your “urine sample” very soon. Personally.

      Feb 2, 2008 at 6:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   A.A guy

    Well I’m glad that he is going to deal with me personally, cause the other guy scares the shit out of me.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 9:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   bamBAM!!

    I guess “you” muther-”f-@$%^!s” couldn’t “think” of a good “comment” that would deserve to “be”
    g”ree”n.

    my “brain” hurts

    Feb 2, 2008 at 12:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Canthz_B bang

      I missed yours…what number is it again? ;-)

      Feb 2, 2008 at 9:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Now “THAT” is a “snide” comment!

      Feb 2, 2008 at 11:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Team Cassandra bang

    My friend was just telling me that they actually “hose-down” shoplifting hobos who live in the area at her neighborhood grocery store. And they apologize first. Apparently, you can catch the action on any given day:

    “Waddayagotta steal for?! Just go to the back! You just go to the back door, we give you there! Ach! Now, I gotta give you the hose.”

    It’s the hose they use on the vegetables.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 12:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   bamBAM!! bang

      Does it make them too wet to steal??

      Feb 2, 2008 at 6:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Cool! Fresh veggies and a free shower!

      Feb 2, 2008 at 11:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.3   Team Cassandra bang

      LOL! It makes them run….before that, they’re, like, too stunned.

      Feb 4, 2008 at 5:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   thegirlfromtheghetto

    What a great blog, I’ve enjoyed stumbling across it.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 2:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Sue Do Nim bang

    Dear “Personally,”

    Thanks for the fair warning. I won’t stand under camera.

    Very soon,
    “Beware”

    Feb 2, 2008 at 3:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   bamBAM!! bang

    this is gonna sound kinda “dumbass” but how do the comments get green?? Is it a rating of “+5″ or “what?”

    Feb 2, 2008 at 6:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   pebBLES!!

      “kinda”?

      Feb 3, 2008 at 2:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   bamBAM!! bang

    I’ve got it!! She does mean the quotes ironically. Instead of “beware” she means, “Be Happy” and instead of “watched” she means “listened to” and instead of “you” she means “your brother-in-law”

    Feb 2, 2008 at 6:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   bamBAM!! bang

    Could she mean, “you’re being ‘watched’ under camera, i’ll deal with you. Very soon, Personally.”

    like, while standing under the camera, she’ll beat the shit out of you?

    ”I’ll deal with you” is so very vague, she couldn’t have described what kinds of things she would do to you?

    Feb 2, 2008 at 6:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   A.A guy

    Hey;
    Maybe the hose has something to with urine samples.All may not yet be lost.

    Feb 2, 2008 at 9:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Canthz_B bang

      Are catheters allowed on PAN?
      Sure! Why not! :-D

      Just to fulfill Godwin’s Law: It’s the shop-lifter Nazis doing the “Hosing”, of course they wear hose while doing it, but that’s a story for another day. ;-)

      Feb 2, 2008 at 10:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Ach, so it’s mit der German accent that makes with the sign confusing, ja, no? And vat it means is in der correct English “you are being vashed” instead of der “you are being vatched” and mit all der “quotation marks” is really der each mark is a sign for how many Sopwith Camels der Red Baron shooting down was, no, ja?

      Feb 2, 2008 at 11:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   Ange

    I love the combination of unnecessary quotations AND passive aggression. Classic and rich.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 5:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Team Cassandra bang

    That “very soon” bothers me. (no – it’s not the lack of quotation marks)

    It’s just, like, …when?
    Now? In five minutes? Tomorrow?
    I don’t got all day, you know.
    Can I just pay for this stuff and go?

    Feb 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Ali

    Has anyone else noticed the e sneakily added to the “they’re” in a different widthed marker. It’s almost as if “they” had forgotten how to “spell”

    Apr 28, 2008 at 5:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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