Roommate fumes; Unilever marketing execs rejoice

February 3rd, 2008 · 66 comments

Curse as much as you want, dude: you’re still bitching about body wash. (Personally, that’s what I’d call a gamekiller.)

Whoever keeps using my fucking shower gel and drinking my fucking beer needs to fucking replace them!!! -Tom

related: I swear this isn’t some sort of stealth viral marketing campaign

FILED UNDER: beer · Brooklyn · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · New York · roommates · stealing · whiteboard


66 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Tim

    that fucking beer was fucking delicious.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 8:47 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   HendrixIsTheCat

    the karl rove chalkboard valentine will probably tell him who did it

    Feb 3, 2008 at 8:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   anglophile bang

      The giant R magnet must then stand for Rove?

      Feb 3, 2008 at 8:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Suhayla

      I say it’s a Republican R. But I do agree that the nice-smelling drunk guy who confessed to their love for Rove is probably the culprit.

      Feb 3, 2008 at 9:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   six58

      http://www.ilovekarlrove.com/

      Feb 4, 2008 at 8:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   fantasy bang

    Whoever must smell very nice. But after drinking your beer he should think about getting into your mouthwash too! At least your fucking Oral B toothbrush.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 9:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   fantasy bang

    Tom,
    Loved the shower and the beer. Please now will you quit FUCKING around and just talk to whoever?
    Thank You,
    Fucking Whoever

    Feb 3, 2008 at 9:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   park rose bang

    There goes one third of February’s exclamation mark quota.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 9:25 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   anglophile bang

      Oh no! I definitely use more than nine a month! Whatever will happen to me?!

      Rose, I need your help!

      Feb 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   SHARKFAN bang

      you just used four right there! I’d loan you some of mine, but I also use way more than nine a month, so I have none to spare. Sorry!

      Feb 5, 2008 at 12:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   park rose bang

    It’s a leap year, too, dangnabit. One extra day to the month, before you can top up. Punctuation penury all ’round, I’m afraid.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 9:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   fantasy bang

    One exclamation point for everytime he says FUCK. *they do kind of resemble penises or is it peni*? Is there some hidden meaning to this? :|

    Feb 3, 2008 at 10:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Wade bang

    Maybe the shower gel and beer are tired of being used by Tom for his own carnal pleasure.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 10:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Tom (The Real Deal)

    Come on, it was a six pack of Heineken Light! And the body wash was that Old Spice combo shampoo! Next time I’m writing in red to make it look more angry! Fuck!

    Feb 3, 2008 at 10:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Heineken LIGHT? And Old Spice? Whoever is doing you a favor . . . and if you want it to look really angry, you’d better use a pink pen and draw lots of penises.

      Feb 3, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Canthz_B bang

      Heineken Light + combo body wash and shampoo = Man Light.

      Feb 3, 2008 at 11:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   ALA bang

      I’m guessing Tom wonders why he’s single. Gay or straight, Tom is single. I can get past the Heinie Light, but Old Spice? Seriously? Old Spice leads me to guess that Tom isn’t gay. I have a veritable smorgasboard of gay friends (such a shame for me that they’re gay…but I digress), all of whom would would rather have their toenails ripped out than wear Old Spice.

      Feb 4, 2008 at 8:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   anglophile bang

      You have a very cogent point there, ALA. But I can’t get past the Heinie Light. :P

      Feb 4, 2008 at 8:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   ALA bang

      Nice use of the word ‘cogent.’ I like a soul with a good vocabulary. :)

      Feb 4, 2008 at 9:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   anglophile bang

      Oh, cogent? That old adjective? Why, I just use that when I don’t care how I’m modifying my noun! ;)

      Feb 4, 2008 at 9:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    Tom: Real men drink beer. Real men do not use shower gel, or, if they do, they call it “soap.” Real men drink other people’s beer and use other people’s soap, but they fucking don’t fucking replace them.
    Signed, Fucking Whoever
    P.S. — That Hollywood magnet? As close as you’re ever gonna get, hombre.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 10:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   S.S.

    Hahaha, I love this one. It’s just so honest.

    Or, in other words, this fucking note is fucking great.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Wade bang

    WTF?!?

    Does that magnetic chalkboard have “heart” Karl Rove on it? And Steve and Julian holding hands in a flower-filled sunlit meadow?

    um, I think after seeing that, I would have to drink the beer and the shower gel.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 10:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Wade bang

      meant to post under comment #2

      all props to TheCat

      Feb 3, 2008 at 11:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   HendrixIsTheCat

      all thx

      Feb 3, 2008 at 11:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Tom (The Real Deal)

    That hollywood magnet is property of my gay roomates who are holding hands in that flower-filled sunlit meadow prancing around looking for karl rove. But maybe if you come over to our house we can run a train on you all the way from New York to Hollywood.

    ::kisses::

    Feb 3, 2008 at 11:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Canthz_B bang

      “My gay roomates” + “we can run a train” = Tom is also gay.

      not that there’s anything wrong with that…

      Feb 3, 2008 at 11:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      thus is explained the girly beer and old spice shower gel.

      But here is the thing Tom … being gay isn’t about the beer you drink or the grooming products you use … it is about enjoying sex with other men. So come on dude! Sack up and drink a REAL beer (Might I suggest Dodfishhead’s Two Hearted Ale) and buy a bar of Zest.

      Feb 4, 2008 at 10:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    I hope Tom has had “The Talk” with his shower gel and his beer because if they get mine pregnant it’s on!!

    Feb 3, 2008 at 11:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Suhayla

      I kind of wish MY shower gel and beer were that ‘active’… well, my beer tends to be capable of making the adjective “fucking” apply to me as well, but as far as I know it itself doesn’t fuck…

      Feb 3, 2008 at 11:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Tom (The Real Deal)

    Actually none of us are gay… I was assuming that Grimfool was one of those super cool hipster chicks from Brooklyn. The three of us want so badly to be part of that cool alt-crowd.

    Feb 3, 2008 at 11:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Canthz_B bang

      It’s the 21st Century, Tom. It’s OK. We’re pleased and proud that you chose to come out on PAN. :-D

      Feb 3, 2008 at 11:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Tom (The Real Deal)

    Oh thank you so much for being supportive. I hope my parents are ok with being the parents of a hipster…

    Feb 3, 2008 at 11:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Suebob

    I blame fucking R

    Feb 4, 2008 at 12:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   six58

      I am R and I approve this message.

      Feb 4, 2008 at 8:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Tyler bang

    This thievery has been brought to you by: the letter “R”. With additional support provided by: Carl Rove, and viewers like you.

    Feb 4, 2008 at 1:37 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   secondsout bang

    Fun Fact: that thing in the top left of the fridge is a chart that converts fucking cups to fucking ounces to fucking teaspoons to fucking tablespoons to fucking milliliters.

    Feb 4, 2008 at 3:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   durian

      In nano-fucking-seconds.

      Feb 4, 2008 at 3:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   mjohnson

    I’m not sure this one falls under the banner of passive aggressive. It’s just aggressive and rightly so. You don’t steal a mans beer. (Let’s overlook the shower gel.) – Whoever, your going to have to buy at least twice the amount of beer you drank before you make up for this one. You might want to think about that before you go round drinking other peoples beer you fine smelling bastard.

    Feb 4, 2008 at 6:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Lurker

    I wonder if the thief is using the beer to wash his hair while he soaps up with the shower gel. Remember Body on Tap™ Shampoo? Or am I the only ancient crone in the room?

    Anyway, it’s obvious that the shower gel and beer were stolen by pirates, who left a note of their own. It says, “R.”

    Feb 4, 2008 at 8:49 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Bellabeastie

    Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Mateys…. avast ye swabs — Karl hand me me beer and you ken use the “gel” when we git to Holleywierd so u r sweet smellin’…. jist a’member 2 FUCKING PUT IT BACK…

    Feb 4, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   JPav

    What they fail to mention is that Tom lives alone.

    Feb 4, 2008 at 9:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   mere bang

      he lives alone but has a zillion ‘myspace’ friends. good ol’ tom.

      Feb 4, 2008 at 10:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   j

    what’re you gonna do, smack me with your loofa?

    Feb 4, 2008 at 2:42 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   btezra

    well, at least the person who posted that noted got right to the fucking point!

    Feb 4, 2008 at 4:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   A.A guy

    No problem with the gay thing……No qualms with mano-a-mano……..queers are okay…….but Tom you are a FAG.

    Feb 4, 2008 at 4:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   bamBAM!! bang

    Is he sure that they weren’t “using” the beer and drinking the shower gel??

    Feb 4, 2008 at 5:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Team Cassandra bang

    Well, I can’t believe it was at #1.

    I would have said: That note is fucking delicious. But that’s just me….actually, that note is a lot like me. People online know it but most people IRL have no idea how much I swear. I swear like a truck driver, in fact. And when I get mad, I think things like that in my head. My favourite swear, when I’m real pissed and all alone:
    FUCK. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck fuckety fucking fuck. FUCK!

    But I wouldn’t have written this note actually. In these kinds of situations, I take it out in trade. Whatever and whenever I feel like it.
    I’m fair tho, so this “user” would be smart to keep an eye on his toothpaste, let’s say, and maybe his hotpockets if he’s got’em. :)

    Feb 4, 2008 at 5:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   SHARKFAN bang

      Fuck is the best fucking swear word ever! I too use it A LOT! You and I think a lot alike T.C. I also would not have written the note, but planned some sneaky counter-attack on the unsuspecting roommate instead.

      Feb 5, 2008 at 12:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Team Cassandra bang

    Holy FUCK! Was that really Tom? If it is, especially – you kinda funny, guy :D
    If it’s not – you only kinda funny. That’s it.
    I don’t know why. It just is.

    ANYHOW!
    I love how you guys are always all over the decor and the stationary. Do you think Tom (the real deal or otherwise) knew that before he sent it…?

    Feb 4, 2008 at 5:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Suhayla

      Actually, around here people are all over how one spells stationary/stationery. Don’t ask me how I know this, but there’s a lot of evidence building up against me…

      Feb 4, 2008 at 8:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Team Cassandra bang

      Ha!

      It took me long enough to figure out what word I was thinking of, to be honest, never mind the spelling. I can’t believe I got narc’d by the spelling nazis!

      Feb 4, 2008 at 9:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Suhayla

      LOL.
      ¿¿¿WHAT HAVE I BECOME???
      Just as long as you don’t get someone pointing out that you’ve commited the gravest of spelling sins by switching two like-sounding vowels… It just keeps happening, and it’s making me paranoid!!!

      Feb 4, 2008 at 9:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Team Cassandra bang

      When I understand that, I’ll respond with something funny. Promise :roll: :D

      Feb 4, 2008 at 9:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   durian

      :roll: :roll: :roll: :D :D :D

      Feb 4, 2008 at 9:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.6   Lurker

      There are no stationary stores in the Wriggly Building.

      Feb 5, 2008 at 10:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.7   park rose bang

      hee-hee, Lurker.

      Feb 6, 2008 at 6:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Carlina

    Lmfao @ “fucking shower gel”. SERIOUS BUSINESS.

    Feb 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   q-tip bang

    This was the best sounding vid I could get, sorry for the content. :-|
    Smokey Robinson: I Second That Emotion.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_offujhg_tc

    Maybe beer tastes to you like kisses sweet,
    Guzzling one right down and then repeat
    Maybe you’d take mo’ away and not recall
    The taste of low alc. is worse than none at all.

    Oh rancid cur

    In that case you owe me a Bud
    I do believe that
    That would hardly break the drought
    Oh
    Well, if you feel like loving me
    If you got the notion
    Replace my fucking lotion
    Say
    If you feel like giving me
    A lifetime of devotion
    Replace my fucking potion.

    Maybe you think that wash could buy you renown
    Cos’ you ain’t got no grime or funk around
    Maybe you think that Rove is really cool
    And so you aim, liaise to break the rules.

    Oh rancid cur

    In that case you owe me a Bud
    I do believe that
    That would hardly break the drought
    Oh,
    If you feel like loving me
    If you got the notion
    Use my fucking lotion
    Say,
    If you feel like giving me
    A lifetime of devotion
    Replace my fucking potion.

    (and repeat)

    Feb 5, 2008 at 7:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Team Cassandra bang

    So, it just occurred to me…

    D’you think he’s so mad because those are his “fucking” tools? You know, he gets himself extra old spicy and then feeds those beers to some unsuspecting undergrad….and voila! Fucking!

    Feb 5, 2008 at 8:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Cassie

    Why is Tom using a Sharpie ON a dry-erase board?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 1:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   maybe you should switch to body wash?

    [...]  at least that would make the roommate situation a little less hairy… [...]

    Mar 31, 2008 at 11:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   three tactics for dealing with soap thieves

    [...] roommate fumes; unilever marketing execs rejoice [...]

    Jun 24, 2008 at 10:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   claire

    he wrote that with sharpie–nice touch.

    Nov 6, 2008 at 6:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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