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“No adult’s going to waste their time doing that”

February 6th, 2008 · 70 comments

Based on the online/canine aging scale (one dog year = one youtube day) this video is pretty much on its last legs, but I love it just the same. Consider this post a mercy shot of euthanasia. (And thanks to Maximilian, Jen, Chris, Willa, Nattie, Cat and Dave for passing along!)

related: Oh, shit!

FILED UNDER: dogs · Jesus · revenge · shit

70 responses so far ↓

  • #1   park rose bang

    unHoly ghost, 2003, have you been playing?

    Feb 6, 2008 at 8:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      hee hee hee. No, not me! I have never stolen a Jesus as retribution for dogs pooing in my yard. There was the incident with the children PEEING in my yard and the St. Francis of Assisi statue ….

      Feb 7, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      I once stole a poster of Pope Benedict because my nazi landlord was getting freaky about the toilet brush . . .

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   park rose bang

      You don’t count, sorry grim. ;) Ain’t seeing nothing (un)Holy about your nom-de-plume there.

      (Relates to the unHarmed Jesus in the note – gotta spelt things out now. I don’t know – all’s going to hell in a handBasket).

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #2   Wade bang

    I wonder what a graspy voice sounds like.

    Feb 6, 2008 at 8:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   park rose bang

      If you heard it, it’d be sure to grab ya’.

      Feb 6, 2008 at 9:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    Wieners crapped…Jesus wept.

    Feb 6, 2008 at 8:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    If she picked up after the wieners, and there were footprints around Jesus…could those have been Jesus droppings?

    Feb 6, 2008 at 8:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Canthz_B bang

      What was I thinking?…Holy crap!

      Feb 6, 2008 at 9:00 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    I wouldn’t stress this one. What are they going to do?…Kill him?
    He’d just come back.

    Feb 6, 2008 at 8:53 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #6   GVI bang


    Feb 6, 2008 at 9:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   anglophile bang

      Well, I guess we won’t know that until they return him, will we?

      Feb 6, 2008 at 9:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   GVI bang

      Did she think that maybe Jesus left and he just felt like leaving a note.

      Feb 6, 2008 at 9:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Writerrejected bang

      Jesus would pick up the wiener poopie. Clearly.

      Feb 6, 2008 at 9:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #7   Robin Claire

    She won’t press charges if Jesus is unharmed…LOOOOOLLL

    Feb 6, 2008 at 9:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #8   Arden Michelle Mullen

    Oh my. That is absolutely HILARIOUS.

    That lady should win an award. She was amazing. *claps*

    I loved the way the i’s were dotted with circles. (Come on, though, if you took the time to make circles, why not smileys? Or hearts?)

    Feb 6, 2008 at 9:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #9   the_maximilian

    wiener poopie? my gosh…

    Feb 6, 2008 at 9:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Jo Mama bang

      I know.. I doubt the existence of two funnier words in combination with each other, especially when said by the newscaster.

      May 18, 2008 at 7:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #10   jnadreau

    She thinks young people did it because they put lines around the word “Jesus”. Dumbass. That’s supposed to be his halo!

    Feb 6, 2008 at 10:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Writerrejected bang

      Yeah, plus think of all the dumbasses on this site who are fully grown adults who dot with smiley faces and fat-letter their punctuation and use pink markers. She has NO idea what we deal with EVERY DAY in the PAN universe. Jesus is just the tip of the iceberg.

      Feb 6, 2008 at 10:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #11   bellabeastie

    Truly I don’t know where to begin…. I think the “holdin Jesus” part of the note had me at the get-go. No “g” — no apostrophe at the end of “holdin”. Tsk tsk. Is Jesus in a Holdin Cell? Is this a Jesus Holdup? Is she under the camera and they will deal with her Personally? If Jesus is returned will she be forgiven the sin of leaving weiner poopie?

    One can only hope. A moment of silence, please.

    Feb 6, 2008 at 10:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   raiseyourglass

    Do you think the FBI has gotten involved?
    New episode for Without A Trace.

    Feb 6, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   bellabeastie

    Bring back, bring back
    Bring back my Jesus to me, to me
    Used to have four dogs,
    but now there’s only three
    Just three

    One was a bad dog,
    Left too much pooooopie, poopie
    All’s left was footprints
    So bring back my Jesus to me….

    Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.

    Feb 6, 2008 at 10:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   EyeHeartA2

    From the WZZM site:

    Sunday night, Jean told WZZM 13 News the statue had been returned, taken not by neighbors but by a family member. She declined to explain further, only that this has now become a family situation.

    Jean says she is happy the statue is back, and says she doesn’t intend to press charges

    Feb 6, 2008 at 10:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Wow. Perhaps one of the wiener dogs took it?

      Feb 6, 2008 at 10:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   jnadreau

      I am SOOOO relieved to hear that Jesus is back! I would’ve lost sleep over that. The family member must have returned him unharmed as she’s not planning on pressing charges.

      I wonder if wiener poopie is a condiment you can use on wieners?

      Feb 7, 2008 at 1:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Was he — uh, He — missing for 3 days?

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #15   WanderingPenguin bang

    An absolute delight. Even though the passive/aggressive “note” submitted wasn’t an actual note, there was a note involved… so I think we can allow it. Judges? Yes?

    Hell, either way… sheer brilliance. My new favourite entry on this site. My personal highlight was when the reporter was reading the note out loud and deadpanned his way through the multiple instances of the phrase “wiener poopie(s)” without missing a beat – as if he was reading an official dispatch from the White House. Never mind Jesus – I actually wept. :)

    I hope she starts receiving pictures of Jesus in front of the Eiffel Tower, Windsor Castle, the Wailing Wall, etc. That would be a perfect ending.

    Feb 6, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   bellabeastie

      ASPCA.. ? PetSmart.. ? PETA??.. The possibilities are endless…

      Go li’l doggie, Go….

      Feb 6, 2008 at 11:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Lena

      Brilliant. That reporter must have some poker face… or rather, poker voice.

      I wonder if Jesus was kept under constant guard while he was kidnapped…

      Feb 28, 2008 at 12:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   Minda

    The best part was the old lady saying “Weiner poopie?” Oh dear, I laughed. Hard.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 12:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   kansas girl

      I laughed harder at the end. “…but it wasn’t. It wasn’t.” In that voice expressing her sadness with the entire world and its sinful statue-stealing.

      Oct 4, 2008 at 7:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #17   adagirl

    so I just realized that this is from my hometown. pretty awesome.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 2:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Ricehead

    Oh where oh where could my Jesus be?
    Oh where oh where can he be?
    He’d be in your in your yard if you cleaned your poopie, and that’s where Jesus would be.

    (two shows nightly; second’s different from the first)

    Feb 7, 2008 at 2:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   ALA bang

    Perhaps Jesus decided he wanted a vacation & is now off with the Expedia garden gnome & it’s likely that someone’s garden Virgin Mary is with them. I bet the garden statuary are whooping it up right now…a few Mai Tais on the beach, maybe a little karaoke & some para-sailing?

    Clearly those crazy kids are just taking advatange of His absence to make a buck & clean up their neighborhood in the process. I’m sure Jesus won’t mind being used as leverage, as cleanliness is next to godliness.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 3:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   GhostWriter bang

      I hold a personal jihad against Travelocity and its branding, so it gives me great pleasure to point out that the traveling gnome is their idiotic gimmick.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 7:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Lurker

      Holy Crud, I’d pay $9.50 to see a movie of Jesus and the Gnome got to Europe.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 3:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #20   GhostWriter bang

    “The first thing I did was walk around my Jesus stand looking for clues, and then I noticed there were footprints behind it, and footprints in front of it.”

    Feb 7, 2008 at 7:53 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Canthz_B bang

      So Ascension was out of the question.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 6:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #21   mere bang

    OMG.. they took jesus!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 9:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #22   mere bang


    Feb 7, 2008 at 9:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   kelmeister

    Those times when you saw one set of footprints? That was when I was carrying you.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 9:33 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   cvp bang

      absolutely the best answer on here! i am cracking up

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   Writerrejected bang

      “Carrying away your statue of Me” is more like it. Now that would be truly divine.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #24   Minda

    At #21…
    Wow. Good catch.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   p'chick

    #24: the most over-quoted saccharine “poem” in the English language…

    Feb 7, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   amy d bang

      Yet strangely appropriate here.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      “And I said, ‘Lord, what about the times when there was only ONE set of footprints?’ And Jesus said, ‘I had to cut out for a few minutes to go clean up weiner poopies, so cut me a break, you needy passive-aggressive freak!’”

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #25.3   Alexandra

      Oh god, I am laughing so hard.

      Feb 8, 2008 at 5:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #26   GhostWriter bang

    Unfortunately for us, the kidnapping of Jesus clearly marks the End of Days. The scrolling newsline shows this: Schools and businesses are shutting down in chaos, and at 1:26, you can see that St. Isidore Catholic School is even cancelling “Freaky Friday”. Only the Rapture would get in the way of Fr. McBerman’s annual salute to Jodie Foster.

    Never have the signs been more clear- repent while there is still time!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #27   stuffed owl

    Here’s a live link (the posted one is broken)…

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   Tom

    C’mon people…Everyone knows that poopie doesn’t come out of your wiener. Only pee-pee comes out of there. Get a life.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #29   JayneDoh

    FOLLOW UP: The note was actually left by her granddaughter. The note was a joke, but Jean Mansel takes everything seriously and called the news. Jean is very unhappy about the situation and she doesn’t think it was funny at all!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 11:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   GhostWriter bang

      Do you mean to tell me that when the gang finally had the “Floating Jesus” tied up in a chair, and Freddie pulled off its mask…

      …it was Jeanie Jr., the granddaughter, who wanted to scare her Grammy to death and inherit the farm?? Zoinks!

      (she would have gotten away with it, too- if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids!)

      Feb 7, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #30   EvilTwin

    Oh man….priceless! The “news” coverage of this is the funniest part. This is a longer news segment than the last murder got here in NY, for pete’s sake! And I love how the reporter goes along with the whole “weiner” thing instead of saying “owns three Dachshunds.”

    Feb 7, 2008 at 6:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #31   A.A guy

    Jesus stayed at my place,I gave him a few nails and put him up for the night.

    Feb 8, 2008 at 12:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   anglophile bang


      You are so going to Hell for that!

      Me too, for laughing. :lol:

      Feb 8, 2008 at 5:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #32   Alexandra


    Feb 8, 2008 at 5:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #33   Heisa the Horrible

    “We’ve seen you walk your wiener around”. Sounds to me like we’ve got a flasher on our hands, boys.

    Feb 8, 2008 at 1:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #34   Danielle

    Bitch is TOTALLY LYING about cleaning that poopie.

    Feb 8, 2008 at 7:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #35   Beej

    I have a weiner dog and never pick up his weiner poops. Sometimes I pretend to pick it up with a plastic bag if someone is looking, becuase realisticy it’s a pretty big fine if you do not pick up the dogs crap. Baiscally it takes one to know one, and this lady is a bold face liar. She is using baby jesus as a lawn ornament for the appearnce of being a good person. She doesn’t deserve him back. Whoever has the baby jesus please donate it to a church where it belongs..on scared ground.

    Feb 13, 2008 at 4:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #36   Nyla

    o.O that’s so weird… a few years ago i lived in a pretty decent neighborhood with my mom and dad, and we were on our way to –i forget where– but we stepped outside, and one of our 3 300 lb statues of Aphrodite was gone o.o Of course my mom freaked out, it was a set of 2 greek statues that somebody just plucked out of our front yard leaving a beer can, truck tire markings and a lighter in it’s place. The next day, the 2nd one was missing, so we decided to move our last statue (the little girl holding a cornucopia and worked as a fountain) into the garage. a week later the padlock on the garage door was cut, and the door left open. not only was our last statue stolen, but half of the belongings in our garage. we’ve still no idea who on earth took the statues o.o


    Feb 25, 2008 at 12:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #37   claw71 bang

    It was Patrick Swayze and he didn’t care about the poopie. Nobody puts Jesus in the corner

    Depeche Mode:

    Your own

    Standing next to your stairs
    and garden chairs

    Your own

    Now he’s no longer there
    noody cares

    Walking the loop but you leave the poop
    no little bag or pooper scoop
    You think nobody sees ya
    but now we got your Jesus

    God never said that thou shalt not
    leave thy poop on the lot but give it shot
    If you reconsider
    we’ll give you the forgiver

    Reach down and grab poop

    Reach down and grab poop

    Feb 28, 2008 at 8:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #38   nycki

    This is the first time i’d seen the video for this! the story was all over a radio station here that just kept playing it because the way she talks is hilarious. seeing it just brought back a fit of laughter and tears!

    Mar 14, 2008 at 11:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #39   Chris

    Okay, so I’m loving this site, but I must admit to doing something similar. I once lived in a complex that allowed dogs (I had one, too). As a responsible dog owner, I always picked up after her; however, lots of people didn’t, so I was forever walking into something. I got fed up and put up a note in every single building in the complex…and, here’s the part that’ really awful…I even attached 3-4 plastic bags to every note.

    Needless to say, it didn’t help and I just finally moved.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 5:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #40   badfae

    That Jesus was fucking delicious.

    May 9, 2008 at 7:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #41   Jo Mama bang

    I feel like that video could be straight from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart..

    May 18, 2008 at 7:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #42   nhbookworm

    This has got to be the most hilarious one I have seen so far…after I got done laughing at the video so hard I couldn’t breathe, then I started reading the comments and started laughing so hard it felt like someone punched me in the stomach!!!

    May 30, 2008 at 10:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #43   hfjxknqui djzaxcvl

    cqlakwj zgst jqbaov wvtl edohlny kpes mxlrk

    Sep 10, 2008 at 6:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #44   Kenny


    weiner poopie

    Feb 3, 2009 at 10:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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