A friend of a friend is our enemy

February 7th, 2008 · 83 comments

Tina is Los Angeles didn’t have any problem with her roommate‘s friend couchsurfing at their apartment for a month, but both she and her roomie started to get irked when the friend started inviting other friends to stay over — and then kept doing it, even after the roomie expressly asked her not to.

“The first friend we encountered killed one of my fish and put gum in my aquarium,” Tina says. When another friend-of-a-friend started “subtly and sarcastically deriding” their taste in fashion/entertainment/blah blah blah…well, the roommates decided enough was enough.

NOTE: Because of the discomfort associated with Lana, we (the residents of 305) have agreed that the best course of action is to NOT ALLOW LANA BACK INTO THE APARTMENT. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. Her personal effects may be retreived [sic] by an approved person (Ashley). If the aforementioned is violated, law enforcement will be called to mediate the situation. Best wishes

related: Some suggestions for the comfort of your guest

FILED UNDER: excessive underlining · guests · Los Angeles · not-so-veiled threats · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates


83 responses so far ↓

  • #1   LK

    Team 305 all the way!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Black Bellamy

    By the way, Ashley is also authorized to post for me.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   dan

    we had some gutter punks in their early 20′s who came along for a visit as a friend of a friend once. the first thing they did after walking in our apartment door (the hell with introductions, apparently) was to head to our fridge and start opening things up and scarfing them down with their filthy hands. forget the utensils! to make matters worse, both had dirt tans and smelled horribly. having not even gotten their names, i made the executive decision to haul their asses out and tell them to hit the rocky road. fucken “guests of guests!”

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:25 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   unholyghost2003 bang

    WOW. ummm I bet the freeloader isn’t friends with ANYONE in 305 anymore.

    When couch surfing for an extended amount of time inviting a guest over for the AFTERNOON should be O.K. … but overnights? Brass balls my friend!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Cubicle Mom

    Love the ‘Best Wishes’

    That’s not PA at all! :O)

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   ms. m. m.

    I hope they post the inevitable follow-up PA note from *Lana*!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Lorelie

      Will “fuck you” scrawled across the page count as a separate note?

      Feb 7, 2008 at 12:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Suhayla

      yes. as will the pink penises and the inevitable
      retort.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 6:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   park rose bang

    Well, if Ashely is violated, it is only right to call in law enforcement.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   secondsout bang

      Damn! This is the joke I was going to make. I need to get here sooner, before all the good jokes are taken.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 12:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      Nice call! I, for one, would like to see how they “mediate” in that sort of situation.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 3:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   park rose bang

      I saw the potential, WP, but I wasn’t going there!

      Feb 8, 2008 at 7:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    Sorry, couldn’t find a youtube link, but the Beach Boys said it best . . .

    Lana Lana oh Lana dear
    Please go away from me

    Just go (Lana dear) just go (Lana dear)
    So far away (Lana dear) (Lana dear)
    So happy (Lana dear) we will be (Lana dear)

    I’ll show (go away) I’ll show (go away)
    You another couch (go away) (go away)
    Alone (go away) with dead fish (go away)
    and gum (Lana dear)

    (Gooooooooooo)
    (Gooooooooooo-ooooo)

    Don’t dear (Lana dear) please don’t (Lana dear)
    Don’t come back (Lana dear) (Lana dear)
    To 305 (Lana dear) we’ve called
    cops (Lana dear) (Lana dear)

    Lana (go away) Lana (go away)
    Oh Lana dear (go away)
    Please (go away) get your shit (go away)
    from Ashley (Lana dear)

    Lana (Lana dear) Lana (Lana dear)
    oh Lana dear (Lana dear) (Lana dear)
    Please (Lana dear) go away (Lana
    dear) from here (Lana dear)

    Feb 7, 2008 at 10:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   minkynopants bang

    In my home state they might have had to start court proceedings to get her out of there. Something about if you hang around somewhere long enough then you live there.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   DrAstroZoom bang

    Preparation PAN: for the discomfort associated with the condition known as “Lana.”

    Seriously, though, this may be the first time in history a restraining order has been filed on behalf of an apartment.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   RP

    The room mate’s friend should get kicked out along with the friend of the friend. Look, you know your friends. You know which ones know how to behave and have manners and which ones don’t. So the friend knew the people she was inviting over were going to cause trouble. At the very least she should have figured it out when the first one killed their pet.

    Put them both out on the street. Change the locks. Call the police if they get back in. Team 305!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 11:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Uh, I believe the roommate’s friend is “Lana”. So, “Mission Accomplished”, it would appear.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 3:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   secondsout bang

    So could the poster please elaborate on the dead fish? Did this person over or under-feed the fish, knock him onto the floor, cook him when s/he was hungry?

    Feb 7, 2008 at 12:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   S.S.

    This isn’t occurring on the set of “Smallville”, is it?

    I always thought that Lana was a bit annoying.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 12:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   seeyounexttuesday

    Lana is a cunt.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 12:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Canthz_B bang

    “Best Wishes” = “Go To Hell, Lana!”

    Feb 7, 2008 at 12:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Olivia bang

      Ha ha! Funny, Canthz. :)

      Mar 28, 2008 at 6:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Lorelie

    I personally love how the note isn’t addressed to Lana. Do the friends of Lana come around more than Lana herself?

    Feb 7, 2008 at 12:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      “Friends of Lana” – yet another great name for a band!

      Feb 7, 2008 at 3:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   secondsout bang

      Or code for something hush-hush, like Friends of Dorothy.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 6:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Writerrejected bang

      Right, or Friends of Bill.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 8:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Writerrejected bang

      But rather than being gay or a recovering alcoholic, Friends of Lana are card-carrying douche bags.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 8:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   Total Douche bang

      Just consider me the CEO of the Friends of Lana Organization. Our first weekly meeting will be Thursday night, anyone want to voluteer to take minutes. Probably not, since we’re ALL douche bags. And what a cluster fuck it is trying to find parking amongst a bunch of douche bags. Every time you turn around you hear, “Holy shit! you park like a DOUCHE BAG!”

      Apr 1, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   tanyetta

    ditto what canthz b said!!!! ;)

    Feb 7, 2008 at 1:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Naomi

    I find it funny that they just kicked someone out on the curb and leave the note with a hearty “beat wishes”.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 1:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   GhostWriter bang

    Billy Joel used to write about a girl like that…

    She shouldn’t come back
    Wait in the hall !
    Leading us to replace the lock
    Quit answering
    rings on our line

    We gave her a night
    That’s all it was
    What will it take until she stops
    Bringing her pals
    Tasting our wine?

    There’s nothing else we can do
    Posting notes in the hall for Lana
    We don’t want anyone new
    just removal of all of Lana
    There’s nothing in it for you
    Cops are getting a call for Lana

    We later would preach
    watching her whine
    She couldn’t tell us where she stuck,
    all of her pay
    Rent due the fourth.
    While up on the stand
    Fishy alive
    Kill it! the undertaker spat
    adding some gum into the bowl

    There’s nothing else we can do
    Posting notes in the hall for Lana
    We don’t want anyone new
    just removal of all of Lana
    There’s nothing in it for you
    Cops are getting a call for Lana

    She laid here since June
    Losing her rent
    Giving her family constant strife
    I don’t want her suite
    I don’t mind Ashley
    I only want Lana out my life

    Now I’m in my room
    Reading PAN notes
    Telling myself she still may drop
    Over to say
    She’s needs a dime

    So, I wait in the dark
    Listening for her
    While steadily aiming silenced Glock
    Killing her swift
    Wasting her life

    There’s nothing else we can do
    Posting notes in the hall for Lana
    We don’t want anyone new
    just a removal of all of Lana
    There’s nothing in it for you
    Cops are getting a call for Lana

    Feb 7, 2008 at 1:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Billy Joel Fan

      GW, that is absolutely hilarious! That’s one of my favorite songs, and to read your entire parody made me laugh ’til I cried. Thanks!

      Feb 7, 2008 at 3:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   EvilTwin

      I just cried.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 5:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Team Cassandra bang

      FUN-NAY! :lol:

      Feb 8, 2008 at 8:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   tragically mep bang

    I love the box around non-negotiable. You don’t see that very often. When underlining isn’t enough, it’s like a poor man’s highlighter.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 1:54 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Heather

    Here’s hoping that “mediate” is code for something else entirely.

    Best wishes!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      I think “mediate the situation” means “scrape what’s left of Lana off of the hall carpet”!

      Feb 7, 2008 at 2:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Lurker

    This comment is Ashley-Approved™.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 3:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Ashley

    Fuck that! I ain’t touchin’ Lana’s shit! That girl is NASTY, yo!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 3:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   WanderingPenguin bang

    Personally, I love how the gals can spell “aforementioned” and “non-negotiable” (complete with hyphen)… but not “retrieved”. That’s a work of art. :)

    Feb 7, 2008 at 3:30 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   anglophile bang

      …The lark’s on the wing;
      The snail’s on the thorn;
      The Penguin is snarking—
      All’s right with the world!

      :P

      (Apologies to Robert Browning)

      Feb 7, 2008 at 4:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Canthz_B bang

      I knew that WP’s i-before-e-dar would have fun with that one! :lol:

      Feb 7, 2008 at 4:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   aaa

      But at least they didn’t confused “effect” with “affect”.

      Feb 8, 2008 at 8:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   GhostWriter bang

    I would love to see a set of wedding reception seating tags labeled,
    Lana” and “the discomfort associated with Lana

    Feb 7, 2008 at 3:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   cookiemunstahh bang

    (I’m Tina btw) The fish was killed because the drunk guy put the fish in his pocket and when Ashley was giving him a ride home he put the fish in the side pocket of the car door. We had been wondering what happened to the fish until we found the fish carcass in the car door a few days later.

    Also, loler when Ashley came in to get Lana’s stuff, we overheard some guys next door who were bonding/crying and they thought Ashley was Lana: “Man I just saw her pick up her bags and leave. Sad, she doesn’t have any friends.”

    Feb 7, 2008 at 3:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      So which is it? Are you “Tina IS Los Angeles” or “Tina BTW”? Both are kinda cool stage names, I guess.

      Don’t really get your second paragraph. Who were the guys bonding with? Ashley/Lana? Each other?

      As for the fish carcass, I hope you saved it to include in the return of Lana’s “stuff”. :)

      Feb 7, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Canthz_B bang

      Real men would have offered their apartment. Ashley must be a regular bow-wow. :roll:

      Feb 7, 2008 at 4:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   cookiemunstahh bang

      btw means BY THE WAY lol…

      Feb 7, 2008 at 5:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   WanderingPenguin bang

      *rolls eyes*

      Uh, thanks? That’s not what I asked. And FTR I already knew what BTW meant, IRL. :)

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      Drunks once killed one of my roommates fish. Since the drunks were mutual friends this only resulted in a large (rather PA, now that I think of it) sign posted on the fish tank during parties. “DO NOT FEED THE FISH. The fish do NOT eat: Pretzels, bottle caps, beer, hard liquor, wine coolers, pizza bites, Top Ramen, or anything else you might find in your pockets.”

      Feb 8, 2008 at 8:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   mamason bang

      You mean there are people who carry pizza bites and Top Ramen in their pockets? Well, I never!

      Feb 8, 2008 at 11:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Oveta bang

    First rule of drunken hook-ups is never let them know where you live.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 4:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Canthz_B bang

      Second is don’t let a drunken fisherman near your aquarium!

      Feb 7, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Kelly

    Wait…so how many people live in the apartment? Because that is weird if it is just Lana’s friend and Lisa addressing the note….to themselves?

    Feb 7, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      1) How on earth did you come to that conclusion with the information at hand?

      2) Who in the hell is “Lisa”?

      Feb 7, 2008 at 5:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Carrie

      I’m Carrie (the person actually wrote the note).
      There are 3 people living in our apartment. Ashley is the couch crasher not included in the 3. The guys in the hallway live across/down the hall from us, not with us.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 5:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   Plain Jane

      This is why I never wanted roommates.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 6:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Canthz_B bang

    I thought Lana was the friend of a roommate of tina’s and Lana invited friends over :?:

    Link this to #28, BTW.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 5:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   cookiemunstahh bang

      Just to clarify. Tina (me) and Carrie are roommates (there is a third unmentioned as she wasn’t there at the time). Ashley is Carrie’s friend, she stayed over for vacation which was cool… Ashley’s nice (Love ya Ashley). Ashley brought friends over (Lana and the drunk dude… Lana was gonna invite herself to stay for a few nights).

      Feb 7, 2008 at 5:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Canthz_B bang

      So the friend of the roommate (Ashley) was fine, but the friend of Ashley (Lana’s) drunken friend gummed the fish to death.
      Now that makes perfect sense. Carry on carrying on.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 6:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   machead

    That notes just screams “I’m taking pre-law!” Just sayin.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 5:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Carrie

      Ha, actually I’m an engineering student. But it still doesn’t explain why I can spell some things decently but fail to remember the “I before E except after C…” rule.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 5:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      I beg to differ. That explains it precisely. I have several friends and relatives who are engineers. ;)

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   ALA bang

      Also, Sharpies don’t come with spell check. Microsoft has rooined meny a gud speler. :)

      Feb 8, 2008 at 4:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Dj Tenn.

    Bitches would find my# 10 foot dead square in the crack of their slagged out useless arse.

    Go flop with momma and daddy , fuck dat. \

    gas, grass or ass bitches , no free rides.

    Again, Im reminded that nothing is wrong anymore, anything goes.

    A nations leaders being its moral and social compass.

    Feb 7, 2008 at 6:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Canthz_B bang

      Forgot your meds today?

      Feb 7, 2008 at 6:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   mamason bang

      I find it ironic that someone who has adopted a code of “gas, grass or ass bitches , no free rides”, and apparently only refers to women as bitches, has something to say about anyone’s moral compass. I’m just sayin’. :-|

      Feb 7, 2008 at 7:07 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   Ricehead

      If I may…Yo’ Mama, Son!

      Feb 7, 2008 at 8:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   bellabeastie

      Well, I too, wear a size 10 — so what is to stop me from planting that on YOUR worthless ass? If you think that you’re All That you better have a fucking job — and your momma didn’t “teach you no manners”. Or correct grammar.

      Team If You Want To See Worthless….
      (look in the mirror)

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   bellabeastie

      BTW — size 10 is not that big.

      Size matters.

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.6   WanderingPenguin bang

      Isn’t a size 10 shoe kind of big for a gal? Just askin’… :D

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.7   Suhayla

      size 10 Men’s is big for a woman. size 10 women’s is a little large, but all the better for stomping bitchy men. Size 10 men’s is not that big for a man, all the better for running away.

      Feb 8, 2008 at 7:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.8   unholyghost2003 bang

      Yes WP 10 is big for a girl. Bella must be a pretty big girl (no insult there Bella. I too wear a size 10 shoe.) GIRLS who wear size 10 or bigger are USUALLY pushing 6′ or taller and more than happy to whip the ass of any disrespectful *coughDJTenncough* runty, size 10 wearing guy. ;)

      Feb 8, 2008 at 8:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.9   WanderingPenguin bang

      I think I’m in love! :D I would pay to watch that ass-kickin’…

      Feb 8, 2008 at 11:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.10   Bellabeastie

      Well, get in line WP… I am 5’10″ barefoot, 150 lbs.. all girl, believe me. But runty foulmouthed disrespecting size 10 wearin’ fools beware.

      Team Daddy didn’t Raise No Doormat

      Feb 8, 2008 at 11:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.11   RP

      I think I flagged mamason’s comment when I wanted to reply to it.

      All I wanted to say was that I had the exact same reaction to the “moral compass” bit too.

      Feb 8, 2008 at 2:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Katy

    I had a roommate so bad that I had to sneak-move out of the house one day while she was at work. This girl was a pathological liar, a closeted lesbian (trying to get my other roommate, a very much heterosexual girl, to replace her ex-roommate/ex-bisexual panderer), and also a thief. Can anyone say “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”? We were so hateful of her that for a year, we couldn’t say her name and only referred to her as TAC, short for The Anti-Christ.

    Go Team Tina and Carrie!

    Feb 7, 2008 at 9:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      I can only say “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” one time in a row. Then I want to pass out. Just FYI, of course, since you asked and all. :)

      Feb 7, 2008 at 10:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   ALA bang

      I can say it, but I can’t spell it. ;)

      Feb 8, 2008 at 4:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   Suhayla

      I can spell it, but I can’t think it. :(

      Feb 8, 2008 at 8:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   Team Cassandra bang

      I can say “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” AND type it over and over and over again with ease. You know why? Because if you invite people like that into your life often enough, you find that you are saying it and typing it ALL the time. And practice makes perfect :)

      Which brings me to my next point, which is, I can’t even begin to discuss this note because it’s just too close to home and kinda painful. It’s really hard when a situation comes to this. Don’t get me wrong, tho. You guys are still funny :lol:

      Look at me with all the melodrama this week. It MUST be February.

      Feb 8, 2008 at 8:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   bamboo blitz

    This is bloody hilarious! I wonder if they got to see the look on Lana’s face after seeing this note for the first time–priceless, I’m sure!

    Feb 8, 2008 at 10:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Olivia bang

    I love the notes where they say their names; it makes it more personal.

    Also, am I the only one who thinks that the entire note sums up to “Stay Out, Scuzzball”?

    Mar 28, 2008 at 6:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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