writes simon from richmond, virginia: “i was combing through my facebook newsfeed and came across this note posted by someone on my friend list. i have no idea who the note is referring to, but i think it’s kind of interesting that he’s putting out his dirty laundry for all to see.”
related: meet my new therapist: the cable guy
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69 responses so far ↓
#1 anglophile
I’m so puzzled. How could anyone so ambitious, so educated, so obviously destined for success have so much trouble with inconvenient situations and failed friendships? It couldn’t have anything to do with an uncontrollable urge to air his dirty laundry in public and a raging paranoia, could it?
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:19 pm rating: +9
#2 hoopla
bum-like attitudes?
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:21 pm rating: +3
#3 secondsout
All talk and no walk… Has anyone ever been about 25% walk? Semi-partial walk?
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:28 pm rating: +3
#4 secondsout
I’m just wondering if James would like some cheese with his whine.
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:29 pm rating: +1
#5 Timmsterr
I’d like to see the Notes About James. What is it that he’s so not worried about that caused him to post this note for all to read? Interesting. I hope he has good benefits at his future career for the counseling thats sure to be needed.
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:32 pm rating: +1
#6 mamason
As God is my witness, as God is my witness they’re not going to lick me! I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again! No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill! As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again!
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:34 pm rating: +3
#7 Sue Do Nim
James, dude, what’s with all the random commas? Perhaps as you pursue an education, you can learn a few comma usage rules.
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:35 pm rating: +2
#8 Canthz_B
first draft…
“I’m not saying that I’m better than you will ever be…but I am better than you will ever be!”
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:36 pm rating: +3
#9 pry
dye his eyes and call him pretty.
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:38 pm rating: +2
#10 SHARKFAN
I bet James would just cringe if he knew we’re all talking shit about him here on PAN.
Feb 12, 2008 at 9:53 pm rating: +5
#11 Canthz_B
Some sorry day James will find that his “career” is just another name for a “job” and miss his friends. The ones that probably told him to stop acting so damned superior in the first place.
The little snot-nose!
Feb 12, 2008 at 10:18 pm rating: +2
#12 Suhayla
James… Get out of the Ivory Tower before it plagues you with delusions of grandeur!
Feb 12, 2008 at 10:24 pm rating: 0
#13 starburst2185
Didn’t everyone have a “friend” like this in school? I can remember how smug they were going to college right after graduation, and now where are they? The drive thru at Hardee’s, asking me if I want extra ketchup. Me, I have an office job baby, no grease stains for me anymore!
Not that I’m better than them or anything…;)
Feb 12, 2008 at 10:24 pm rating: 0
#14 Troy McClure
Say what you want, I don’t care
Our friendship’ gone beyond repair
Here’s a pro tip:
Get some scholarship
‘Cause attitudes bum-like go nowhere
Feb 12, 2008 at 10:42 pm rating: +3
#15 KiKi
Aww, poor James!
Feb 12, 2008 at 10:45 pm rating: +1
#16 Shane
TEAM Bum-Like Attitude!!!!
Feb 12, 2008 at 11:13 pm rating: +1
#17 park rose
A life can have a lack of ambition? Help me out with this one.
Maybe he means in a karmic, reincarnation kind of a way?
Nope, didn’t quite reach nirvana this time around, back you go to the cash register
Feb 12, 2008 at 11:37 pm rating: +1
#18 WanderingPenguin
Hmm. I really enjoyed the glimpse into James’ life a whole lot more when he was played by Jason Lee in Clerks 2 - and his nickname was “Picklefucker”.
Feb 13, 2008 at 12:11 am rating: +5
#19 TygerAKC
Hopefully James doesn’t go through all that trouble of getting the fine education that will get him his dream career, and his future dream employer googles him and finds the facebook/myspace/whatever that we all know has incriminating photos of him and realizes what they DON’T want at their place of dream employment, therefore wasting all that hard work James went through to prove to his friends how much better he is than them.
Feb 13, 2008 at 12:29 am rating: +3
#20 Tyler
These are the kind of people that I remove from my friends list. And although rewriting lyrics can describe situations, I think “Basket Case” by Green Day fits perfectly without changing things around!
Feb 13, 2008 at 12:36 am rating: +2
#21 fantasy
I wonder if any of his inconvenient situations were “bumlike?”
Feb 13, 2008 at 12:37 am rating: +3
#22 Canthz_B
Dear James, we are so very proud of you! We wish you well as you obtain your education, land your dream job, marry your dream bride, purchase your dream home, start your 2.3 child and 1.5 dog household only to find yourself downsized out of your job and working the register here at Arby’s under my supervision!
Feb 13, 2008 at 12:41 am rating: +1
#23 amy d
I’m glad you have something to keep your life worth living because God knows you have nothing else to live for. The life you have lived and are living is lifeless and needs the lifeblood of a career. How else will you get life insurance to cover your life-form when your life cycle is no longer lively? It’s a life or death situation. In closing, I don’t want to give you my life story, but my education has been a lifesaver to me and helped improve my life-style. Get a life!
Feb 13, 2008 at 7:09 am rating: +5
#24 Shagnbag
OH - I thought he said like-bum attitudes
Feb 13, 2008 at 9:11 am rating: 0
#25 aaa
Holy flying monkey crackers, I love “Laid!” Although now I’ve got “Frankly Mr. Shankly” kicking around in my head too… Hmmm… Having two songs competing for attention in your head is weird…
Anyways, posting bitchy, oblique shit like this on a public forum like the Facebook, Myspace, Livejournal, or whatever is lame. Especially using your real name. :/ It’ll be even lamer when a potential employer googles this dude and comes across this and decides he doesn’t want to hire bitchy dicks. >:D
A friend of mine had crap like this directed at him at the hands of a mutual ex-friend. Although I’m not surprised, since the ex-friend has a habit of pissing people off.
Feb 13, 2008 at 11:45 am rating: +1
#26 GhostWriter
Winning Sentence:
“You go on living your superficial lives where the most fun you have is talking about the “wrong” things going on (only in YOUR heads mind you) between people that want nothing to do with you.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have finally found Romeo’s Suicide Note!
Feb 13, 2008 at 3:03 pm rating: +1
#27 Team Cassandra
It’s true - it’s too boring. I’ve come back twice today and I can’t get through it.
If it was written in my general direction the only thing I could say is: Well, I’m glad you worked that out for yourself then - it’s good to have a little self-confidence. I guess. because I’m polite like that
Feb 13, 2008 at 5:56 pm rating: +1
#28 damon
He forget one last thing to add to this to make it perfect:
“BEE-YOTCH!!!”
Feb 13, 2008 at 6:40 pm rating: +1
#29 bamBAM!!
See, kids? This is why you shouldn’t smoke crack!!
Feb 13, 2008 at 6:53 pm rating: 0
#30 bamBAM!!
how does He know that God knows?
Feb 13, 2008 at 6:56 pm rating: 0
#31 Lurker
“I will reprieve myself from my inconvenient situations” sounds like something Hamlet’s little brother’s accountant’s cousin would say.
Feb 13, 2008 at 8:52 pm rating: +3
#32 Team Judge Others
Gotta love how someone can judge someone else and makes themselves out to be holy and perfect?
I also love that because there isn’t a college education involved that equals bum! Well shot my ass off Bill Gates ain’t no kolige gradi-ate. If that is failure I’d sure like a slice of that pie.
Feb 14, 2008 at 3:27 am rating: 0
#33 Gez
Has someone already mentioned that the title brilliantly references ‘Laid’ by James? I’d read the comments but I just don’t want to.
Feb 14, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: 0
#34 facebook schoolyard smackdown
[...] course, as new york magazine reported this week, facebook is taking run-of-the-mill classroom sniping to a whole new level. if you have the patience (or the [...]
Apr 1, 2008 at 4:53 pm rating: 0
#35 thou shalt honor thy facebook newsfeed, and keep it holy