Two birds with one snowman

February 20th, 2008 · 57 comments

While other passive-aggressives plow through post-its with wild abandon, the caretaker of Kale‘s building in Winnipeg has a more economical style.

Wishing you a warm and wonderful Christmas. Have a great holiday season + happy wishes for the coming year. Vetta  P.S. please get your garbage off the fire escape

P.S. Vetta, I think the only thing that would make me love this note more is if your postscript began with “I wish…

related: And what’s your Christmas wish?

FILED UNDER: Christmas · garbage · holiday spirit · landlords and property managers · most popular notes of 2008 · p.s. · Winnipeg


57 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Writerrejected bang

    This is some fine PAN holiday spirit. Get your damn garbage off the fire escape because:
    1) I want to string some lights up
    2) Santa won’t have room for the reindeer out there
    3) Need to build some fire-escape snowpeople
    4) I’m a warm and wonderful holiday douche

    Feb 20, 2008 at 11:27 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   park rose bang

      Thanks for clearing that up, WR. I read it as
      “get your sentax (?)”
      or
      “get your sandbox
      off the fire escape. Even with the big flickr version. :)

      Feb 20, 2008 at 11:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Neil

      Hilarious!!!!…thanks for the laugh!!!!

      Feb 23, 2008 at 4:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Canthz_B bang

    You know you’re a slow runner when the garbage gets out before you do in a dire emergency!

    Feb 20, 2008 at 11:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    Don’t they usually depict a walking snowperson with the other, uh… flank facing the viewer?

    Feb 20, 2008 at 11:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Eilis bang

      He’s a yoga snowman.

      Feb 20, 2008 at 11:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   zenvelo

    oh Vetta, you say that to ALL the girls!

    Feb 20, 2008 at 11:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Suckers!

    By deciphering this note you can tell that it actually says “fuck Christmas, just move your stank ass garbage before I get sued”…gotta love landlords and liabilities!

    Feb 20, 2008 at 11:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   c

    Nothing says “Season’s Greetings” like a tip about handling your garbage!

    Feb 21, 2008 at 12:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Troy McClure bang

    The worst Noel the landlord did say
    Was “be certain to take all your garbage away;
    If you leave it on the fire escape in a heap,
    I’ll get it taken, and you’ll foot a bill not so cheap.
    Noel, noel, noel, noel,
    Worn is my patience, please don’t make me yell.”

    Feb 21, 2008 at 12:33 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Alco-Holler!

      Two-points, troy. My new favorite Christmas carol.

      Nov 17, 2008 at 4:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Tyler bang

    I wonder what her Hanuka card was like…

    Feb 21, 2008 at 1:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   secondsout bang

    The snowman has junk in the trunk, all right.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 2:25 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Detective Julie

    Oh, that’s a Hall of Famer right there.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 3:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Naks

    I like how the person wrote the garbage comment at the bottom in smaller print, as in: Notice this but dont notice it TOO much.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 6:54 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   claw71 bang

    FAKE!

    The PS is in different ink and was written by someone else. But in Keeping with the Holiday spirit:

    Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas
    Clear your trash tonight
    From now on could you keep it out of sight?

    Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas
    but throw garbage away
    we could die because your bags of crap were in the way

    Here we are sharing holidays
    Happy Holidays to you
    But your trash is bothering us
    please listen to us or we’ll sue

    Through the years
    we’ll live next to each other
    Rent control is how
    Throw away your empty bags of Puppy Chow
    and have yourself a Merry Little Christmas, now.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 7:01 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Writerrejected bang

      Not sure it’s a different person’s handwriting, as much as it’s a different handwriting for every purpose. I don’t get the sense that this one is faked.

      Feb 21, 2008 at 7:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   claw71 bang

      Or a different peronality.

      Vetta is the kindly old lady who bake you cookies but sometimes Ester comes out and Ester doesn’t like it when people aren’t tidy. Ester also hates leftover time on microwaves.

      And we haven’t even talked about Vanessa, the promiscous old lioness who seduces her strapping young neighbors with flabjack boobies and the alluring scent of Super Poly Grip.

      It’s all very confusing.

      Feb 21, 2008 at 8:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   cre8tivewmn bang

      Or kindly Vetta wrote the card and curmudgeonly hubby came by and demanded the PS. Vetta made it as small and far away from the happy sentiments as she could.

      Feb 21, 2008 at 12:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Sue Do Nim bang

      The letter g is written the same in the p.s. as in the note. Vetta’s handwriting is sorta chicken-scratchy.

      Feb 21, 2008 at 4:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Numinous bang

      For a lot of people, handwriting can change a bit depending on their mood. Vetta probably went through and signed 50 or more cards all happy and relaxed. Then she was stuffing envelopes and noticed it was this person with the annoying garbage. Naturally she was more ticked, hence the tight, angry script.

      Feb 22, 2008 at 8:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   bubbagump bang

      eh – i don’t think so

      same g’s and h’s – just looks diff because it IS in that cramped little spot and tiny

      Jan 1, 2009 at 3:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   amy d bang

    Frosty the Trashman is displeased with your garbage placement. He does not climb stairs of any kind. Let’s face it, he’s not exactly the poster boy for athletic prowress. Trash pick-up has been canceled until further notice. Happy Holidays!

    Feb 21, 2008 at 7:18 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Rumblefish

    The whole clothing thing is wrong!!

    I don’t get why snowmen need hats and not pants. Sorry, but I want my junk warm and toasty. For all we know this could be a snowwoman. He/she has a jacket with no buttons and several piercings that look like buttons on he/she’s chest (ouch!). Why the scarf? I saw Frosty the Snowman and the concept was to keep snowmen/snowwomen cold not warm. Who wants a warm snowman? Gloves? Why? Are he/she’s hands cold? IT’S A SNOWMAN!!!!!

    I’d rather see a naked snowman. This PC stuff is crap!!!

    Sorry, I’m on caffeine this morning.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 7:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   SouthernCat

      Actually Mythbusters tested this theory and proved that Snowmen in jackets melt slower than naked snowmen

      Feb 22, 2008 at 8:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   GhostWriter bang

    Vetta tries her best, but her mistake was letting her crabby husband Angus stuff the envelopes.

    He recently retired from the Fire Dept., and could use a hobby.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 7:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   claw71 bang

    So It’s OK for Donald Duck to run around with a shirt and no pants but snowmen have to go with all or nothing?

    I hate double standards and I have had my caffine.

    Funny story about that. I said I was giving it up for lent just so I could drink my coffee with a hearty dose of spite. Take that, GOD!

    Feb 21, 2008 at 8:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Lurker

    Hey, Vetta, great way to get rid of the garbage problem by GIVING ME MORE GARBAGE.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 8:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   amy d bang

    Undertone of Vetta’s note:

    The only reason I sent you this Christamas card was to prompt you to remove the trash from the fire escape. I care not if you have a happy holiday season.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   TreeShaker

    OMG – I sent those Christmas cards two years ago. But mine didn’t include a ‘qualifier’.
    I saved that for the juicy Valentines.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 9:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   claw71 bang

    Let’s assume that the PS is legit, either from Vetta or somebody else who had access tot he card and an ax to grind over the trash, which is more likely. Vetta left the card on the door and a neighbor scribbled the PS on the card. Plus they dotted something in the word escape. That’s creepy. Are we dotting the letter “p” now? James Kilpatrick didn’t tell me about it.

    Count me in for TEAM CLEAN. Sorry, but if your trash is too offensive to keep in the house it’s too offensive to leave on the escape. Put on your slippers and haul the crap to the dumpster, you lazy bastards.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 10:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   KittyKat

    That’s not garbage! That’s my Christmas present to YOU, Vetta!

    Feb 21, 2008 at 11:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Sarah

    Garbage roasting on the fire escape,
    Trash cans sitting by the stairs,
    Paper bags being crushed in a box,
    And food trash scattered by the chairs.

    Everybody knows old turkey and soup to go,
    Help to make the building smell.
    Frowning tots with their noses aglow,
    Will find that they can’t sleep so well.

    They know that Vetta’s on her way;
    She’s loaded lots of cards and presents on her sleigh.
    And every resident is going to spy,
    To see if odors really can make you die.

    And now I’m offering this simple phrase,
    To tenants one to ninety-two,
    Although it’s been said many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you!

    (Now get your damn garbage off the fire escape.)

    Feb 21, 2008 at 12:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Lurker

      The Velvet Fog would be proud!

      Feb 21, 2008 at 1:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Shuni

    It’s the same handwriting- look at the G’s.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 12:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Quite Contrary

    My aunt’s version of the card would be: “Merry Christmas. Looking forward to seeing you at Christmas dinner. Love, Aunt Jane. PS Still waiting for the thank you note for your birthday present.”

    Feb 21, 2008 at 12:54 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   sitboaf

    Yeah, Porky Pig and Daffy Duck can get all gussied up in their Sunday best, with their dapper little hats and their bowties and crested jackets, and go about their daily routines without pants, but GOD FORBID if I should “forget” to put pants on when I drive thru the local Dunkin’ Donuts for a cruller and coffee.
    No wonder the cops hang out there.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 1:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   claw71 bang

    Doesn’t everybody get doughnuts sans pants?

    If I wore pants I wouldn’t have anywhere to put them, you know, with the coffee and everything.

    Of course today was a bummer. Cold weather limits the capacity. Damn you, shrinkage!

    Feb 21, 2008 at 3:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   bamBAM!! bang

      I don’t quite know what you’re talking about…

      Feb 21, 2008 at 6:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Canthz_B bang

      I was going to say ” resemble that remark” but I suppose being a “dead “ringer” is more apropos!

      Feb 21, 2008 at 6:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Numinous bang

      If your hands are too full, how exactly do you eat them? Are you that flexible? Isn’t the steering wheel in the way? Or is this just a mode of transport? And are you sharing them with other people?

      I don’t think I’d eat any doughnuts that came to me that way. Also, isn’t the hole in them kinda small? What does this say about you?

      Gah! I can’t shake these images. I think they’ll haunt me all day.

      Feb 22, 2008 at 8:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   Rumblefish

      BUSTED!!!!!

      YORKTOWN, N.Y. — Careful with that coffee! Police say a man placing an order in a suburban New York doughnut shop’s drive-through lane didn’t have any pants on.

      They say a Dunkin’ Donuts worker saw John Greco’s exposed genitals in the Feb. 27 stunt and then noted the make of his car and his license plate number.

      Police say the 46-year-old Croton-on-Hudson resident was arrested last week and has been charged with misdemeanor public lewdness. He’s due in court March 27.

      Police released a statement Thursday saying it was “unknown how Mr. Greco took his coffee that day.”

      Greco says by telephone from his home that he has no comment on the police report.

      Mar 14, 2008 at 6:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Lurker

    I’ll be home for Christmas;
    You will see me there.
    Please have have bags
    Of trash and rags
    Out on the fire stairs.
    Christmas Eve will find them
    Bursting at the seams.
    I’ll be home for Christmas,
    If only in my dreams!

    Feb 21, 2008 at 3:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   mamason bang

    jingle bells
    garbage smells
    Santa’s on his way
    the garbage bag
    it makes me gag
    so make it go away! Hey!
    Dashing through the house
    with garbage in the way.
    O’er the the fire escape
    Should I? What the hay.
    Vetta’s at the door
    with a Christmas wish or two
    oh what fun it is to write
    this parody for you!
    Oh, jingle bells
    garbage smells
    Santa’s on his way
    the garbage bag
    it makes me gag
    so make it go away! Hey!

    Feb 21, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   bamBAM!! bang

    Husband: You’re sending a christmas card to the Jensons?

    Wife: Yeah, why?

    Husband: Well, Doug left his garbage on the fire escape and it’s still there.

    Wife: I can’t just not send them a card.

    Husband: Okay, fine.

    (Wife walks away.)

    Husband: I’m just gonna add a little bit down here… okay. good.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 4:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   bamBAM!! bang

    The snowman looks pissed.

    Feb 21, 2008 at 4:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   bamBAM!! bang

    I always leave the garbage on my neighbor’s fire escape. Is that a bad thing??

    Feb 21, 2008 at 6:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   bamBAM!! bang

    Last christmas, I gave you my trash,
    but the very next day you told me to move it………??

    Feb 21, 2008 at 6:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   summer

      silver bells…
      garbage smells…
      it’s christmas time in Winnipeg.

      Feb 21, 2008 at 8:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   tragically mep bang

      Hmmm, December in Winnipeg. The garbage won’t smell, it’s frozen rock solid. However, it does pose a serious tripping hazard.

      Come springtime though, all those thawing bags of garbage start stinking to high heaven…

      Feb 22, 2008 at 4:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Sarah

    This is fun.

    Bags of garbage, dirty garbage
    On the fire escape
    In the air there’s an unpleasant odor.

    People passing seek de-gassing
    And they whine, whine and whine
    So below your well-wishes you’ll read:

    Garbage bags, garbage bags
    Do not belong on the fire escape.
    Please remove, PDQ,
    Or you won’t see Christmas day.

    Scores of neighbors
    home from labors
    Will encounter the smell
    And embark on a search for new housing.

    Hear them shouting
    See them pouting
    This is Vetta’s pet peeve
    And in her correspondence you’ll read:

    Garbage bags, garbage bags
    Do not belong on the fire escape.
    Please remove, PDQ,
    Or you won’t see Christmas day.

    Or you won’t see Christmas daaaaaaaaay!

    Feb 21, 2008 at 10:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   stargirl

    that was stupid. i couldn’t even read that

    Feb 24, 2008 at 7:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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