laid back? i’ll give you laid back. in fact, i’ll spell it out for you: janice will break your legs.
(thanks to peter in milwaukee for documenting — you’re my number one guy!)
related: be informed, homeland security will be
over and over – the warning (passive-aggressive remix)
February 21st, 2008 · 156 comments
FILED UNDER: crazypants · milwaukee · pure poetry · say wha? · smoking · spelling and grammar police · you call that punctuation?
156 responses so far ↓
#1
claw71
I swear this is the rough draft for Britney’s latest song. My eyes usually glaze over when it comes on over the inane top 40 station the fat office cows groove to but I think this is the song.
Feb 21, 2008 at 10:58 pm rating: +24
#2
IV:XX
Team Janice, even if her grammar and punctuation are a little off. Cigarettes linger for a while and it’s not pleasant at all.
But I hope she’s not talking about herb…’cause pot smoke is fucking delicious.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:02 pm rating: +11
#3
Sarah
…”Using me for a place to smoke your cigarettes”?
Whatever goes on in that house is something I want no part of.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:13 pm rating: +22
#4
Canthz_B
Watch carefully, as the aneurysm progresses the handwriting tilts further and further from the horizontal.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:16 pm rating: +28
#5
Coke-aholic
For some reason this reminded me of Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents when the stewardess (yeah I still call them that) tried to take his bag. Don’t know why, but it did.
Or, in a different perspective, it looks like the handwriting practice paper of a 7 year old in school.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:19 pm rating: +1
#6
ER
My impression is that Janice is someone whose first language is not English. And it’s odd how everything’s in cursive except for the “I’m tired of it” at the top..
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:23 pm rating: +2
#7
cre8tivewmn
Penmanship: 6 of 10
Spelling: 10 of 1o
Composition: 0 of 10.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:28 pm rating: +11
#8
Troy McClure
Facing clear evidence of illiteracy, we cannot wait for the final proof—the smoking room—that could come in the form of a mushroom trip.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:28 pm rating: +1
#9
Coke-aholic
Janice needs to invest in lined paper.
And a grammar handbook.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:29 pm rating: +3
#10
Canthz_B
Janice must be one big, scary b*tch if this girl has to write a note and run rather that just put a no smoking sign on the door of the room she apparently owns.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:32 pm rating: +1
#11
Canthz_B
I love the afterthought…“what if they want to know why(?)”… “I’m tired of it”
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:34 pm rating: +10
#12
IV:XX
Probably convinced the smokers no to light up anymore though…although if she had a problem with it and didn’t say anything about it until this PA outburst they might just stay clear altogether.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:35 pm rating: +3
#13
S.S.
Apparently, his room is a No Punctuation zone as well.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:38 pm rating: +5
#14
Canthz_B
my room is no smoking room it is my room so don’t smoke
periodFeb 21, 2008 at 11:46 pm rating: +7
#15
cass
Drunk? Nice script if so.
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:47 pm rating: +2
#16
DrAstroZoom
To the tune of “Numb” by U2
No more
Smoking for no one
Not at all
But me
And my room is
No smoking room
Or using me
For a place to smoke
Your cigarettes at
No more
My room is
My room and
No one else’s room
So don’t
Demand me what to
Do in my room
Either
Janice
…
…
I feel numb
Feb 21, 2008 at 11:56 pm rating: +13
#17
meg
atrocious
Feb 22, 2008 at 12:19 am rating: +1
#18
Will4You
Scary thought: Based on the look of that door I think this note was posted on the door to a dormroom. I shudder to think what Janice’s application essay might read like.
Feb 22, 2008 at 1:20 am rating: +2
#19
Tyler
It’s too late, so I can’t even understand what she is trying to get across if she wants no smoking or if her room is no smoking but you can smoke if you want to in her room.
Feb 22, 2008 at 1:34 am rating: +1
#20
Khak
WTF? I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that made LESS sense. I almost want to believe that the paper was bigger, and half (or a 1/3?) of the page got ripped off or something. At least then I assume that it would make sense if the rest of the words were there. If I could just figure out if Janice smokes or not. Almost sounds like somebody said no smoking and she is saying “you can’t tell me what to do in my room”
Feb 22, 2008 at 2:27 am rating: +1
#21
mamason
Yeah! You can’t demand me what to do either!
Girl power rocks!
Feb 22, 2008 at 2:32 am rating: +10
#22
mamason
No more smoking for no one not at all but me…
Ummm… okay.
Feb 22, 2008 at 2:35 am rating: +2
#23
mamason
Maybe what she meant was…
No more smoking for no one? Not at all! Butt me!
Feb 22, 2008 at 2:36 am rating: +5
#24
Grimfool_Reluctant
not no more passive-aggressive notes for no one or everyone but my door this is my door and my door is no notes so no one but me puts notes and dont use my door for notes but me so using me as a place for notes but for so and therefore why I’m tired of it fucking delicious whew!
Feb 22, 2008 at 3:37 am rating: +27
#25
park rose
put that at your pipe and smoke it! I demand you.
Feb 22, 2008 at 3:55 am rating: +6
#26
amy d
Maybe if they demand her to make her room a non-smoking room?
Feb 22, 2008 at 6:48 am rating: +1
#27
Rumblefish
Read the note like Captain Kirk would read it, line for line. It kind of makes sense.
Also since the text is leaning to the right I am guessing that Janice is a conservative.
Feb 22, 2008 at 7:31 am rating: +14
#28
aaa
Don’t demand me what to do? I’m seriously hoping that English is Janice’s second language.
Feb 22, 2008 at 8:05 am rating: 0
#29
Team Cassandra
Yeesh. This is hard. For me, a little too sobering.
It sounds like someone with a limited education and/or mental capacity is being mistreated. I hope Peter took a minute to knock on that door and see if that girlie needs any help.
Feb 22, 2008 at 8:26 am rating: +1
#30
Lurker
Spluh?
It might make sense without the “but me.” What it looks like is: Janice wants to be the only person in the house to smoke, but she has to do it outside her room, but other people are going into her room to smoke?
MY BRAIN HURTS!
Feb 22, 2008 at 8:27 am rating: +1
#31
RALPHY
This note sounds like something that Janice Joplin wrote during a moment of– lets say– chemically induced subconcience streaming. I want some of the same shit she’s been smoking.
SOOO THERE!
Feb 22, 2008 at 8:50 am rating: 0
#32
Jaybird
That is the longest sentence I have ever seen. It sounds like Miss South Carolina wrote it too.
Feb 22, 2008 at 8:50 am rating: +1
#33
Smack
She’s like, a retarded e.e. cummings.
Feb 22, 2008 at 9:17 am rating: +11
#34
the dawd
This one time at band camp… i tried some amphetamines and the rest of the night was one long run on sentence spoken at about 180 words per minute, but they were really long minutes, because if you stared at the clock, the clock doesn’t change, look at it, it isn’t changing, wow was that something shinny…hi name is darren, and this is my first time trying this stuff wow i can see throughtimedidyouknowthata;lskdjf;f…. [/heartattack]
Feb 22, 2008 at 9:18 am rating: +6
#35
claw71
Yeah, English is her second langauge because Janice is from a little place call Crazy Town. It’s in the heart of a state known as Psychotic.
Run, Peter, Run. All smoke and no more make Janice go crazy.
Feb 22, 2008 at 9:39 am rating: +5
#36
Ben
I’ve figured it out! Janice is actually 8 years old and bitching at her parents to stop smoking in her room. Only Janice is allowed to smoke in her room!
Feb 22, 2008 at 10:36 am rating: +1
#37
iheartalexis
omg this note totally does sound like a hot chip song!
Feb 22, 2008 at 10:48 am rating: +3
#38
brinkofacomplex
that does not make any sort of sense! one can garner from the repetition of the words “smoking”, “no”, and “room” the general idea, of course, but…
really, this is horrific.
Feb 22, 2008 at 11:05 am rating: 0
#39
hoopla
this note is best read aloud in two styles:
Slam Poetry
William Shatner
Feb 22, 2008 at 11:06 am rating: +1
#40
sarcastic monkey
You’ve all missed the point. Janice has been coming into the note-writer’s room and telling him/her what to do. Read the latter part again,
… my room is my room and no one else’s room so don’t demand me what to do in my room either Janice
Clearly, Janice has been telling the note writer that he/she must allow her to smoke in his/her room and on his/her person.
It all makes sense.
Not.
Feb 22, 2008 at 11:15 am rating: +1
#41
claw71
I can’t believe nobody mentioned the possibility that this is a Tori Amos song. I was thinking that Suzanne Vega could have penned it but the line about “using me for a place to smoke” is clearly right out of Tori’s angry white girl song writing manual. Page 33, in fact.
Feb 22, 2008 at 11:17 am rating: +1
#42
Huh?
Sooooo, is the note *from* Janice or *to* Janice? If she’d put in that missing piece of punctuation between the last two words, it would all be perfectly clear, wouldn’t it?
Feb 22, 2008 at 11:47 am rating: 0
#43
jimmyjimmyjimmyjimmykalamahoo! kalamahee! kalamabringachairplease!
everyone loves hot chip
Feb 22, 2008 at 11:53 am rating: +1
#44
Emily
janice, arrest yourself
Feb 22, 2008 at 12:24 pm rating: 0
#45
amy d
Why does everything remind of a song today?
Arrest yourself
Janice you’ve go to
Arrest yourself
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Feb 22, 2008 at 12:43 pm rating: +2
#46
Eilis
This one almost makes me worry about my karma. I want to make fun of the poor little mentally retarded/elderly/medicated/psychiatrically enhanced/ESL woman, but somehow it just doesn’t feel right. Maybe she just needs a good smack. Or some Haldol.
Feb 22, 2008 at 1:41 pm rating: +3
#47
Sandy
“no more no more!” Isn’t that part of an Aerosmith song???
Feb 22, 2008 at 1:43 pm rating: 0
#48
Juliet
Janice needed this sign to hang on her door:
http://engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=smoked-visitor.jpg&category=Signs/Posters&date=2008-01-16
But in the absence of it she had to write a note.
Feb 22, 2008 at 1:52 pm rating: +1
#49
mere
why do i get visions of milton from the movie ‘office space’ when i read this?
Feb 22, 2008 at 2:08 pm rating: +2
#50
claw71
artist: AMOS, TORI
track: Smoke Me
this is my rooom it’s mine I can smoke here
don’t demand me to make you smoke in here too
this is my room you smoke here but no more
no more can you smoke it’s for no one in here
Smoke Me no more, no more can you smoke me my room is my room no more will you smoke me
it’s my room demand not to smoke me no more.
No
More
No
More
Using me for a place to smoke I can’t stand it no more.
At
My
Room
Smoke
Me
(long paino creshendo followed by dramatic silence)
no more
Feb 22, 2008 at 2:34 pm rating: +5
#51
GhostWriter
That note doesn’t sound like Shatner.
This sounds like Shatner.
Attention, CrewOfTheEnterprise,
ThisIsTheCaptain,
OneOfTheCrew has TAKEN, the LIBERTY
of Smoking………………………………….InMyCABIN!
Now, IWantThe Entire Crew,
to Understand,
There-WILL-BE-NO-SMOKING!
InMyCabin!
I HOPE
this makes things,
PerfectlyClear … ToAllOfYou
and Yeoman RAND -
Yeoman JANICE RAND -
PleaseReportToTheBridge
…
ThatIsAll.
Feb 22, 2008 at 2:55 pm rating: +10
#52
Sarah
To the tune of “This Land Is Your Land”:
My room is my room
And no one else’s room
So don’t demand me
What to do in my room
And I am tired of it
My room is no smoking
For no one, no, not at all but me
Feb 22, 2008 at 3:12 pm rating: +6
#53
T-Bar
Wow, I feel compelled to post if only to express my love of the Hot Chip references. Janice will also snap off your head.
Feb 22, 2008 at 3:58 pm rating: +2
#54
bamBAM!!
I no more want no one to leave me notes that are nonetheless passive aggressevive no more than the same.
Feb 22, 2008 at 9:10 pm rating: +1
#55
bamBAM!!
So, does Janice smoke and it’s only her whose allowed to smoke in her room? Or is no one, no more including her.
Feb 22, 2008 at 9:12 pm rating: +1
#56
Anastasia Beaverhausen III
I’ve taught high school English for many years, and believe it or not, I’ve seen worse.
I typed it up in Word and then took the liberty of adding punctuation and had to strike through a few words (the strike-throughs didn’t work here, so I just took the two words out) and add a few words (in parentheses) to make more sense of it, but hopefully I kept the spirit of the…..thing:
“I’m tired of it”
By anonymous
No more smoking for no one! Not (anyone) at all but me. And my room is (a) no smoking room. Also, no using me for a place to smoke your cigarettes! (At no more) my room is my room and no one else’s room, so don’t demand what to do in my room either, Janice!
Feb 23, 2008 at 12:58 am rating: 0
#57
Neil
Judging by the note it seems Janice has been smoking something…and I don’t think it is cigarettes.
Feb 23, 2008 at 4:44 am rating: +2
#58
six58
she spelled cigarette correctly. shrug.
at least.
Feb 23, 2008 at 9:40 am rating: +1
#59
katherine
My clinical impression is that the syntax here just screams “schizophrenia”. However, research (done at Duke University, so it, uh, might be biased) shows that nicotine does reduce some of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia, so maybe Janice should be encouraged to light up? if she isn’t doing so already?
Feb 23, 2008 at 1:54 pm rating: +2
#60
summer
those smiley faces help convey the message, what, do you have to pay like 9.99 per month to use fancy fonts and smileys or what!
Feb 23, 2008 at 10:09 pm rating: 0
#61
geekay
I hate to admit this, but it reminds me of one of Mojo Jojo’s rants from “Powerpuff Girls”
Feb 24, 2008 at 1:56 am rating: +1
#62
summer
Feb 24, 2008 at 9:14 am rating: 0
#63
summer
8-(
Feb 24, 2008 at 9:19 am rating: 0
#64
summer
:-0
Feb 24, 2008 at 9:23 am rating: 0
#65
summer
8-0
Feb 24, 2008 at 9:23 am rating: 0
#66
summer
am i having fun yet? i need to find better things to do with my sunday morning.
Feb 24, 2008 at 9:24 am rating: 0
#67
Writerrejected
Janice Joplin? (Lyrics could make sense if shooting or snorting H.)
Feb 24, 2008 at 1:16 pm rating: 0
#68
Lurker
Here’s one for the Beatles fans:
I’m so tired, I haven’t had a smoke,
I’m so tired, and this is not a joke,
I wonder should I write up a nnote for you folks,
No,no,no.
I’m so tired, can’t even write by hand,
I’m so tired of all your room demands.
I wonder should I call you but I’m too tired to stand.
You’ve all been having a ball,
But now no one not at all.
You know I can’t sleep, I’m not feeling fine.
You know I can’t even write a straight line.
You know I’d give you everything I’ve got
for a little peace of mind
I’m so tired, I’m feeling so upset
Although I’m so tired I’ll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git.
I’m so tired…
Feb 24, 2008 at 1:29 pm rating: +3
#69
Crash
Damn…everyone else has said it all…but damn…
WTF ???
Holy Shit !!!
and OMG !!!
Feb 24, 2008 at 6:28 pm rating: 0
#70
summer
i am getting the hang of this. Janice is great, she identified her feelings, and effectively told those around her how she felt, asserted herself as passively as possible by leaving a note. team Janice all the way!
Feb 24, 2008 at 8:03 pm rating: 0
#71
TC
For the love of God! Can someone please just track down Janice and ask her what the fuck this note means? Clearly, we are all loosing sleep over the riddle, so it must be solved. Could forensics somehow decode it? Those clowns on CSI would already have this figured out.
Someone please, hop on this! Just not me…
Feb 25, 2008 at 2:22 pm rating: +1
#72
Anne
just like a monkey with a miniature cymbal….
Feb 27, 2008 at 9:52 pm rating: 0
#73
Stephanie
Nice Hot Chip reference, props
Apr 2, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 0
#74 roomba’s revenge
[...] over and over – the warning (passive-aggressive remix) extra credit: daft hands [...]
Feb 27, 2009 at 6:07 pm rating: 0
#75
Helen Skor
I have used my magic decoder ring on this PA note and have translated it so that those of you who are still waiting to collect the last 2 UPCs from your cereal boxes will know what in the hell is going on.
1.) Janice is the writer of the note and owner of the room.
2.) She is a smoker.
3.) Everyone else comes to her room to smoke and then leaves – they are not there for the pleasure of her company.
4.) Janice is tired of feeling like everyone just uses her because her room has become the “smoking lounge.”
5.) She is telling people that they can no longer smoke in her room.
6.) She, however, can continue to smoke in there because it’s HER room – and no one can tell her otherwise.
I hope this has helped to clarify things. In addition to having the decoder ring, it helps that I’m fluent in Crazy – it’s actually my native tongue.
Jul 29, 2009 at 3:09 pm rating: 0
#76
ajoyfuldawn
reading her note made my brains hurt!!
Aug 20, 2009 at 1:40 am rating: 0
#77
MsManners
Thanks to Helen Skor for the translation, unfortunately my Crazy skills are a little rusty.
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:51 am rating: 0
#78
leena
my frnd wants to update sumthin kewl on fb..
any suggestions guyz ?
Sep 29, 2009 at 3:43 am rating: 0
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