Julie spotted this amazing note on New York’s Lower East Side…
(Dude, how ominous are those ellipses?)
related: Movin’ out (Anthony’s song)
You can do it. We can’t help.
February 25th, 2008 · 91 comments
FILED UNDER: crazypants · money · not-so-veiled threats · Say wha?
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91 responses so far ↓
#1
Grimfool_Reluctant
I’m posting sighs, too, over the future of Ellington Woodard’s punkass shit.
Feb 25, 2008 at 9:24 pm rating: 10
#2
gingerE
Sucks to be Ellington Woodard
Feb 25, 2008 at 9:28 pm rating: 1
#3
Canthz_B
So…Roberta does not care if she posts signs all over Home Depot screaming, “I was played for my money by Ellington Woodard!”
She’s got some moxie!
Feb 25, 2008 at 9:32 pm rating: 3
#4
boone
…
Feb 25, 2008 at 9:55 pm rating: 0
#5
Troy McClure
Is that like, good money after bad? “The first half, that your brother gave my horse, sucked! So pay up with the rest!” Anyways….
I worked hard to get you the first half.
My bro gave you it on my behalf.
But you called me a knave!
Fine! Spend what I gave
You on posters while I have the last laugh.
Feb 25, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: 7
#6
mamason
That’s some real punkass shit. Not the fake, low-fat shit the man be trying to force on us.
Feb 25, 2008 at 10:09 pm rating: 8
#7
pry
next week she’s posting signs all over lowe’s. the week after that—–signs all over ace hardware. don’t fuck with roberta.
Feb 25, 2008 at 10:23 pm rating: 10
#8
wutevah.
the best notes read like a harry potter screamer.
Feb 25, 2008 at 10:23 pm rating: 1
#9
Coke-aholic
You know, I was reading it as Robert A., not Roberta. See how she capitalizes her A’s in the middle of some words but the one at the end of Robert is a lowercase a? Somehow the fact that it is a lady makes this way more hilarious.
Feb 25, 2008 at 10:29 pm rating: 2
#10
bellabeastie
Okay.. she is going to post “sighs” all over Home Depot. That’s like I feel every time I walk in there.. “Hi Welcome to Home Depot… ken I hep u find sum punk ass shit ) U O Me Money.
Team I Will Mess You Up. Pay Up.
And how dare you send your brother in with half. wtf…
Be afraid of the wrath of Robert- a
-
Feb 25, 2008 at 10:32 pm rating: 6
#11
Aijaz
Punkin’ my place with his brother
Dissing my debt with just half
Bilking me softly for so long
Bilking me softly for so long
Telling Home Depot with my sighs
Bilking me softly, for so long…
I heard him talk a good talk, I saw him walk with style.
And so I let him grovel and beg me for a while.
And there he was, this “E. Dub”, a stranger to my eyes.
Punkin’ my place with his brother
Dissing my debt with just half
Bilking me softly for so long
Bilking me softly for so long
Telling Home Depot with my sighs
Bilking me softly, for so long…
I felt all flushed with anger, embarrassed by the crowd,
Like he found my P.A. Notes and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would pay up but he just kept right on …
Punkin’ my place with his brother
Dissing my debt with just half
Bilking me softly for so long
Bilking me softly for so long
Telling Home Depot with my sighs
Bilking me softly, for so long…
He started in the summer: “Bro, I’ll pay you next week.”
But then he’d walk right past me as if I wasn’t there.
Ellington Woodard’s just a leech, leeching clear and strong
Punkin’ my place with his brother
Dissing my debt with just half
Bilking me softly for so long
Bilking me softly for so long
Telling Home Depot with my sighs
Bilking me softly, for so long…
He was punkin’, oh, he was dissing me strong,
Bilking me softly for so long
Bilking me softly for so long
Telling Home Depot with my sighs
Bilking me softly, for so long…
For so long…
Feb 25, 2008 at 10:39 pm rating: 18
#12
Canthz_B
Forgive me Paul, John, George and Ringo for this short parody of Eleanor Rigby:
Ahhh, there are signs
All ‘round Home Depot.
Ahhh, there are signs
All ‘round Home Depot.
Ellington Woodard,
You owe me money,
I posted a sign,
Please remit.
No punk ass shit!
You sent your brother
Over to my home
With half of what’s owed,
I need more.
Even this score.
Signs all ‘round Home Depot.
Don’t make me put up more.
Signs all ‘round Home Depot.
They’re all over the store.
Feb 25, 2008 at 10:53 pm rating: 11
#13
bamBAM!!
Well if she doesn’t care if he or she doesn’t care, then why would Ellington pay her back?
Feb 25, 2008 at 11:42 pm rating: 1
#14
Sara
That punkass shit was fucking delicious.
Feb 26, 2008 at 12:08 am rating: 2
#15
amina
WOW, sending the brother? with only half? that is some real punk ASS shit!
Feb 26, 2008 at 12:55 am rating: 0
#16
Sarah
This makes the second Eleanor Rigby, because I’m overeager…
Ah, look at all the angry flyers!
Ellington Woodard pissed off Roberta by keeping her money too long
And that’s just wrong
He won’t return it; he sent his brother to visit with just half of it
That punk-ass shit
All of the angry flyers
Where do they all come from?
All of the angry flyers
Where do they all belong?
Ripped-off Roberta, writing her words on a posted sign no one will heed
Or even read
Look at her cursing, leaving her notes in Home Depot when nobody’s there
What does she care?
All of the angry flyers
Where do they all come from?
All of the angry flyers
Where do they all belong?
Ellington Woodard fled from the town once he saw what a scene he had made
He never paid
Pissed-off Roberta kept leaving signs in department stores asking for pay
Day after day
All of the angry flyers
Where do they all come from?
All of the angry flyers
Where do they all belong?
Feb 26, 2008 at 1:26 am rating: 11
#17
Tyler
I bet Ellingtons brother is enjoying that other half of the money right now.
Feb 26, 2008 at 1:28 am rating: 8
#18
Crash
Guess he’s gotta find some way of gaining a reputation with a name like that though…
This way he looks a little more notoriouse at least, it might be some childhood payback lesson for his brother…
Or he’s just…well…you know…with that name anyway…They could call him Elli for short…
Feb 26, 2008 at 2:00 am rating: 2
#19
Chipmunk
But… why Home Depot? Does he work there or something? I need backstory, Julie!
Oh and Team Punk-Ass Shit FTW.
Feb 26, 2008 at 2:43 am rating: 1
#20
secondsout
the mafia sends guys out with baseball bats and brass knuckles to collect their money. This loser just posts signs all over Home Depot. Which is more effective…?
Feb 26, 2008 at 3:24 am rating: 2
#21
Writerrejected
I love the: “If you don’t care, neither do I.”
Also, it looks like Roberta is threatening to post sighs (not signs) all over Home Depot, which seems appropriate because the old HD is so overwhelming and towering with crap that I do always sigh whenever I happen in that place. Sigh postings would be comforting.
Also, it is punk-ass shit to send your bro with half the dough. That Ellington, what a mole!
Feb 26, 2008 at 7:25 am rating: 1
#22
Rumblefish
I believe that Ellington sent his half brother with half the money. The irony is completely lost on Roberta.
Feb 26, 2008 at 7:54 am rating: 3
#23
Sandy
Roberta Roberta Roberta … it saddens me you could not be more creative. And if you don’t care either, why the hassle??
Feb 26, 2008 at 7:58 am rating: 1
#24
claw71
TWO DOLLARS!!!!
Feb 26, 2008 at 8:32 am rating: 7
#25
claw71
Well the sigh says gimme my money if you don’t I’ll do this all day
So I took my pen out of my pocket and I wrote out what I wanted to say
Go ahead it don’t bother me, it’s punk ass shit I wouldn’t do
But send your brother for half, that’s low, Huh! even from you
WHOA!
Sighs, sighs, Roberta’s written sighs
blocking out the price tags, posted in the lines
pay me, I can’t spell, can’t you read the sighs.
Feb 26, 2008 at 8:39 am rating: 8
#26
Nekomimi
claw71, that was awesome!
Feb 26, 2008 at 8:45 am rating: 0
#27
claw71
The tune of Mama Said Knock you Out:
Don’t call it an invoice
I’m collecting a debt
You thought you could take money and jet
But I’m not nice like other people
I found you at Home Depot
Posting signs, yeah I know I wrote sighs
is this spelling class, you can kiss my ass
Punk ass…
Shit I’m slinging, mad lyrics I’m singing, for the money your bringing
I’m gonna post this sign, Huh,
Roberta gonna post this sign
I’m gonna post this sign
Roberta gonna post this sign
Feb 26, 2008 at 8:59 am rating: 6
#28
unholyghost2003
“If I don’t get it by today” Sorry Roberta, it cost half the money for Ellington to send his brother BACK THROUGH TIME just to give you half!
Feb 26, 2008 at 9:17 am rating: 3
#29
Lurker
In honor of Ellington Woodard, a Duke Ellington song…
In the Home Depot you haunt me
With P.A. notes and heavy sighs.
In the Home Depot you taunt me:
“If you don’t care, neither do I.”
I walk through the store;
Can’t take it no more.
There’s no one could be so sad.
I’ll send you my bro
With ten dollars mo’.
I won’t be a punkass cad.
In the Home Depot, I’m praying,
Dear Lord above, pay back my love.
In the Home Depot…
Feb 26, 2008 at 9:18 am rating: 5
#30
Kate
Is there a reason why I can’t see about 75% of these posts?
Feb 26, 2008 at 9:31 am rating: 0
#31
GhostWriter
It’s a little late, but that’s the way Turtles are…
You gotta think about it
You just can’t stiff Roberta
You really need to, Ellington, hear me
My notes in publication
Posted at people’s stations
Here, no one likes you, Ellington Woodard
Ellington, cheater’s stink; you smell
And my eerie posts will dwell
at Home Depot, Lowes, et cetera
Ellington, does not pay you back
Punk-ass shit too weak-by half
Sending me your brother Edgar
I really think you’re stupid
I’m gonna take your moped
If you don’t care now, Ellington, do I?
I’ll ruin your name and we know
Signs all over Home Depot
I think you’ll pay me, Ellington, today!
Ellington, cheater’s stink; you smell
And my eerie posts will dwell
at Home Depot, Lowes, et cetera
Ellington, does not pay you back
Punk-ass shit too weak-by half
Sending me your brother Edgar
Feb 26, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: 3
#32
claw71
The one thing about this note that impresses me is the fact that Roberta or Robert 2 clearly struggles with some sort of learning disability but yet has the presence of mind and sense of professionalism to date the note.
If only Roberta would have included the disclaimer:
This is an attempt to collect a debt…
Feb 26, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: 3
#33
Mark
My bitch better have my money
Through rain, sleet, or snow
My whore better have my money
Not half, not some, but all my cash
‘Cause if she don’t,
I’m gonna put my foot in her ass.
Feb 26, 2008 at 12:52 pm rating: 1
#34
Heidi
hahahahaha all over Home Depot? Why stop there?
Feb 26, 2008 at 1:55 pm rating: 0
#35
mere
my question:
does the home depot hold magical powers that posting signs there would be more effective, than, say, the lowe’s or the circuit city?
Feb 26, 2008 at 1:57 pm rating: 0
#36
Max
I think there’s a future for Ellington and Rene Hall.
Thanks Terry.
Feb 26, 2008 at 2:39 pm rating: 1
#37
the dawd
to the tune of Wintersleep’s Weighty Ghost.
Your brother showed up today, but he had only half my pay,
Your brother showed up today, that’s the punkass way.
Wouldn’t give me the rest of my pay,
Where’d my money go?
Where did my money go,
I’ve posted sighs all over home depot,
Where oh where did my money go,
Where’d my money go?
Have you seen my money
This really isn’t funny,
Have you seen my money,
That’s some real punkass shit.
Are you some kind of uncaring man
This is gonna end up on PAN,
Ellington Woodward is a punkass man.
Just leave him alone,
Don’t you give that dog a bone.
He doesn’t care and neither do I,
He won’t bring my money by,
He won’t even pick up the phone.
Feb 26, 2008 at 3:01 pm rating: 2
#38
bamBAM!!
Nov 2
Dearest Duke Ellington of Woodward,
I fucking freed your people from the communists. Give me my fucking money, or I won’t care Mr. Ellington. Don’t make your brother come here and kiss the ass off of your fancy pants. Just give me my fucking money that I don’t care about.
Most sincerely,
Roberta
Feb 26, 2008 at 6:01 pm rating: 2
#39
bamBAM!!
why did she date the letter? if she was trying to be formal, she could have just signed her full name and typed the damn thing.
Feb 26, 2008 at 6:03 pm rating: 0
#40
bamBAM!!
Wouldn’t it be great if neither of them actually ever go to Home Depot? and like, all the passersby would read the letters that were intended for Duke Ellington?
Feb 26, 2008 at 6:04 pm rating: 0
#41
Lurker
He’s shopping for coffin nails.
Feb 27, 2008 at 8:21 am rating: 3
#42
Chris
ELLINGTON WOODARD
GIVE ROBERTA BACK HER MONEY
YOUR KILLING
ANTHONY GROSSO
THANKS TERRY
Feb 27, 2008 at 9:04 pm rating: 1
#43
stargirl
wtf
Feb 28, 2008 at 8:47 pm rating: 0
#44
Katzndogz
*sigh*
Feb 29, 2008 at 11:31 am rating: 0
#45
Hellbound Alleee
Cy.
Mar 2, 2008 at 6:57 pm rating: 0
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