spotted by sarah in minneapolis…
related: take out of box, place directly in toilet
and my beef sandwich and my yogurt
February 28th, 2008 · 82 comments
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · FYI · food · minneapolis · office fridge
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82 responses so far ↓
#1
Uncle Smokin' Joe
There’s nothing like a beef sandwich generously slathered with a Boston Market turkey dinner. I can almost feel my arteries clogging. Worth it!
Feb 28, 2008 at 9:44 am rating: 0
#2
AnimalAndy
This is crazy talk: why would you BUY food if you can STEAL it? It’s so much cheaper.
Feb 28, 2008 at 9:56 am rating: +3
#3
park rose
Fuck you Imogen!
Feb 28, 2008 at 9:56 am rating: +2
#4
unholyghost2003
WHAT neighbor do you like enough to allow unsupervised in your home, but you don’t know their name and you can’t just ASK them about the missing food?
If this is a workplace fridge issue WHY call the thief “Neighbor?”
Beef sandwich and yogurt dude, NO POINTS. You were not pissed enough to write your OWN PAN, but you were happy to jump on Miss BM turkey dinner’s PAN to whine about your beef sandwich and your $0.50 yogurt. Either make your OWN PAN about the rampant fridge theft or SHUT THE HELL UP!
Feb 28, 2008 at 9:58 am rating: +4
#5
Summer
this must be the same place where Janice lives, boy they really know how to party!!! beef sandwiches, yogurt, boston market, oh my! there’s no place like home.
Feb 28, 2008 at 10:00 am rating: +1
#6
claw71
People in Minnesota must leave their perishables outside in the winter to save space. Unless “neighbor” is one of those colloquial expressions but here in Ohio a food thief is normally referred to as claw71.
I also find it hard to believe that the Boston Market Turkey Dinner was enjoyable at all. I’ve eaten sponge with more texture than their meat and I’ve seen milk with more viscosity than those potatoes. Chances are the neighbor knew this and made a citizen’s arrest to spare somebody else the misery of eating anything from BM.
And what sort of beef are we talking about? Roast Beef? Corned? Potted? Chipped? Raw? The variation of beef would have a significant impact on the level of enjoyment.
Feb 28, 2008 at 10:20 am rating: +4
#7
Sarah
…and my axe!
I also fail to see why anyone would steal Boston Market food. I ate a chicken caesar salad there once which had a dead cockroach nestled among the greens.
Feb 28, 2008 at 10:28 am rating: 0
#8
amy d
Yes, your Target- purchased Boston Market turkey dinner was quite enjoyable. Some may even say it was fucking enjoyable, but not me.
Thanks for asking.
As to the beef sandwich and yogurt; they left a little to be desired I’m sorry to say. May I request the Yoplait Whips Chocolate Mousse for next time? How do I say this delicately? Your beef was not enough to fill the bread. I would not have said anything but you brought it up.
Thanks for the eats
Feb 28, 2008 at 10:31 am rating: +10
#9
Ida Knowe
I think Mr. Beef Sandwich and Miss Yougart are victims 2 & 3 in this obviously hostile work enviroment. If you cant trust co-workers not to eat your food then I wouldn’t trust them alone and unsupervised with my food.
This PAN writer needs to bring in something really gross from the back of their fridge at home and put a note on it stating this is her Aunt Marg’s very special receipe and PLEASE don’t eat it as she has been looking forward to savoring it.
Or do what my mom did in collage, put some milk of mag in the yougart and see who your culprit is
Feb 28, 2008 at 10:31 am rating: 0
#10
Canthz_B
Wouldn’t one have to buy one’s “own lunch” in order to then be able to “steal it”? Shouldn’t that read “stealing mine”?
Beef sandwich and yogurt guy is a bit shy because his sandwich and yogurt are generic brands that don’t even measure up to Boston Market.
Feb 28, 2008 at 11:12 am rating: 0
#11
spanktastic
Wait, instead of ” Instead of steal it” shouldn’t it be ” instead of stealING it?
Feb 28, 2008 at 12:09 pm rating: 0
#12
secondsout
Why, yes, in fact, your turkey dinner was scrumptious. Thanks for asking. Next time, get the side of Mac & Cheese instead of the side of coleslaw. Oh, and be sure to get extra napkins.
Feb 28, 2008 at 12:29 pm rating: 0
#13
claw71
Interesting legal questions have been posed regarding lunch theft and while I have previously represented myself as an expert on lunch ettiquette I did take a few online courses and now have the certification to practice lunch room law in 14 states, 3 Canadian Provinces and most of South America.
First of all, one can steal one’s own luch under certain curcumstances. In Ohio vs Farrell I successfully established that my client did not steal his own lunch, which was part of an office potluck, but rather borrowed against future consumption. The state was arguning that he had sacrificed ownership of the lunch when he agreed to participate in the potluck. Ultimately I had the case dismissed on the grounds of illegal search, his tupperware was breached without a warrent, but we polled the jury and they were ready to acquit because the rest of the participants had failed to match the quality of his dish.
I have trouble with this particular case because specifics have not been established. The PAN clearly identifies the Boston Market product as a dinner. So it would be difficult to apply lunch laws to this matter. We also don’t know whether or the yogurt and mysterious “beef” sandwich were intended to be consumed or if they were placed in an common area for decorative purposes.
These are important distinctions.
More important is the issue of where this took place. Was there a reasonable expectation of food security? Had the 45 minute grace period expired? Was the food just sitting on the front steps?
At the end of the day, most people choose to be victims. They fail to properly secure their food stuffs or consume them within a reasonable period of time. If we would all take a few steps to proectect ourselves and our food the criminals who prey on our lunches and snacks would have to find a new vocation.
Feb 28, 2008 at 1:01 pm rating: +14
#14
Mishee
whoa, when the hell did claw come back???
what happened to you claw? did you have albino python issues or something???
Feb 28, 2008 at 1:15 pm rating: 0
#15
Harnar
my theory on the “dear neighbour”;-
perhaps it’s college dorms room with a shared kitchen?
Also it seems to me that yogurt guy and beef sandwich guy are two different (but equally passive) people.
I deduce that the culprit is therefore a _serial_ lunch thief.
yikes.
Feb 28, 2008 at 1:52 pm rating: 0
#16
KittyKat
What, he steals cereal too? How dastardly!
Feb 28, 2008 at 2:01 pm rating: +1
#17
Detective Julie
Heh heh, enjoyable beef sandwiches, that skank. Bow chicka bow wow!
Feb 28, 2008 at 2:21 pm rating: 0
#18
Yomama
Claw is an idiot. His posts are too long and he writes too many stupid song parodies.
Less is more, buddy.
Feb 28, 2008 at 2:32 pm rating: 0
#19
Summer
I hate it when things get nasty in here, back to the note people, the real business at hand is group home food theft, and the underlying poor nutrition of those less priveledged.
Feb 28, 2008 at 3:10 pm rating: +2
#20
Mishee
I wonder if the owner of the beef sandwich and yogurt was preggo..
That’s considered starving an unborn child!!
And if I may dust off an old chestnut, “That beef sandwich and yogurt was fucking delicious!”
Oh yeah, I went there dammit!!
Feb 28, 2008 at 3:16 pm rating: 0
#21
Lurker
Thank you for asking, but, alas, your Boston Market™ turkey dinner tasted like ashes in my mouth. Not because I felt guilty, but because I overcooked it in the microwave. And I didn’t clean out the microwave after.
Feb 28, 2008 at 4:10 pm rating: 0
#22
Writerrejected
Rule out all the Office Kosher Jews in this crime. A meal of meat and milk is considered traif. You can kind of see why such an ancient law was established. Roast beef and yogurt: a barfy combo.
Feb 28, 2008 at 5:43 pm rating: +1
#23
GVI
Hell I would steal her food too, Boston Market is my crack.
Feb 28, 2008 at 5:55 pm rating: 0
#24
boone
but but but but stealing is cheaper!
Feb 28, 2008 at 7:10 pm rating: 0
#25
Canthz_B
“All vegans and the lactose intolerant move to the left-hand side of the room…Good, that narrows it down some…Everyone else down to the conference room. Vegans and lactose intolerant, back to work.”
Feb 28, 2008 at 7:54 pm rating: +2
#26
stargirl
wow.
Feb 28, 2008 at 8:42 pm rating: 0
#27
Canthz_B
I’d pack a nice Alpo meatloaf in a Boston Market bag as a decoy lunch for a few days.
When it finally disappeared I’d post my gotcha note.
Bow-wow-wow-yippee-yo-yippee-yay!
Feb 28, 2008 at 11:13 pm rating: +1
#28
bamBAM!!
Those fucking Boston Market dinners are sick. And besides, who fucking grocery shops at Target?
Feb 28, 2008 at 11:26 pm rating: 0
#29
Chipmunk
See Tim? Wilson can only be so nice. There’s a point where that friendly fence-man just can’t take it anymore.
No amount of caveman grunting can make up for it, Mr. “Toolman” Taylor.
Feb 29, 2008 at 2:39 am rating: +1
#30
GhostWriter
Has nobody noticed the note I taped on the fridge more than a week ago? Fer Chrissakes- it’s right above the Boston Market note!
Notice: This fridge will be emptied on Friday! It has become a chilled storage unit for food that expired in ‘07. It is stuffed so full that when you open the door it looks like a huge compressed slice of fruitcake. There’s a yoghurt cup in there that is so old, it has swelled to the size of a Big Red soda. Why are there still Boston Market dinners that we catered in for Thanksgiving??
If you want to retrieve your Tupperware, or what appears to be a softball (but could be an old beef sandwich) Get it before the Weekend!
Feb 29, 2008 at 8:36 am rating: 0
#31
Writerrejected
I voted PAN for people’s choice. You can vote every day.
Go to: https://secure.sxsw.com/peoples_choice/
On topic: Team Don’t Steal My F*ing Beefgurt-Turk-Dinner lunch from Boston Target
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:29 am rating: 0
#32
Stacy
I love this! My office has a bunch of food-thievin’ mo fo’s too. I will have to suggest this type of note to the next victim.
Mar 1, 2008 at 8:08 pm rating: 0
#33
raiseyourglass
Just found this on you-tube and I thought of this note!-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh_yeIdE1OA
Mar 9, 2008 at 6:13 pm rating: 0
#34
Antinous
Somebody stole my lunch from the fridge at work back in the 80s. They got a tofu and mango pickle sandwich. I bet they never stole another lunch after that.
Mar 10, 2008 at 2:17 pm rating: 0
#35
Anthrodiva
Someone kept stealing cigarettes off our front porch, so finally I filled an empty box with butts and dried cat poop. I bet they never stole another pack of cigarettes after that.
Mar 10, 2008 at 3:57 pm rating: 0
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