bun — er, pizza — in the oven

February 29th, 2008 · 120 comments

zakir in montreal came home one night to find his roommate tristan ferociously scribbling this note for his other roommate, vincent. apparently, tristan was baking cookies on saturday night (aww) and when he turned on the stove, the entire apartment filled with smoke from the charred cardboard from vince’s frozen pizza. says zakir: “vincent’s reply to the note was gold. he yelled: ‘well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”

bun in the oven

(adds zakir: “i’m not sure if those are hearts or flames all over the note, but i do know tristan’s face was scrunched with anger as he wrote it.”)

meanwhile, in clemson, s.c…there is a baby in that oven.

bun in the oven

related: it must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: double-entendre alert · heart · montreal · oven · pizza · smiley · south carolina · spelling and grammar police

120 responses so far ↓

  • #1  the dawd

    This one time at band camp…my wife was pregnant and had a craving for cucumber. I came home to find my sometimes neurotic wife didn’t even close the fridge after her frantic attempt to satisfy her craving.

    Go team pregnant wife trumps all.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:40 am   rating: +1  

    • #1.1  amy d

      She didn’t actually eat the cucumber, though, right?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:46 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.2  the dawd

      That cucumber was never found again. :)

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.3  amy d

      *shudder*

      That’s scary.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.4  Canthz_B

      Stay away from the pizza if you value your life.
      Speaking of life, my pregnant wife got a craving for Life cereal, walked to the grocery store, grabbed a box of Life, a carton of milk and tore into it right in the aisle!

      Team pregnant wife trumps all grows!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:07 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.5  Cozy

      Men Beware!! My husband told me that my pregnancy moods were just like my PMS…..multiplied by TEN!!!!!
      BTW, my PMS was dangerous enough, lol!!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:40 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.6  sarcastic monkey

      The running joke using the lame band camp line isn’t funny or original.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:57 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #1.7  Mishee

      I thought that band camp line was…. wait for it….

      FUCKING DELICIOUS

      But then again, I might be baised, my name is Michelle and I like you to say my name BITCH!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 6:10 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #1.8  Canthz_B

      Someone here sounds like the kid at band camp that we made pee in the bed! :evil:

      Feb 29, 2008 at 6:17 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.9  Troy McClure

      Sarkey, I love the band camp line. The dawd trots it out with just the right frequency. Always makes me giggle.

      Mishee … I think we’re on the same side of this issue, but … if your name happened to be “Bandcamp” rather than Michelle, I would see what you meant. (Also, if you go to France, try to avoid claiming to be baised in polite company!)

      Mar 1, 2008 at 6:21 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #2  GVI

    Is Tristan a bit fruity? (not that there is anything wrong with that). What’s up with the baking of cookies and all the little curls and stuff in his name?

    A pregnant women’s :? She needs some learning.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: 0  

    • #2.1  the dawd

      [/inserttargetonchest]
      Isn’t women’s possessive, ie Darren’s food?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:49 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #2.2  unholyghost2003

      Yes, “women’s” is plural possessive hence the confusion when the noun marker(”a”) is singular.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #2.3  amy d

      How much for the womens ?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:55 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #2.4  Suhayla

      Yes. The apostrophe-s is possessive, not plural.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #2.5  karin

      yes, but it’s womAn’s not womEn’s

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:19 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #3  amy d

    Since the posting of this note on Flickr and PAN, cardboards the world round bristle in fear.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:48 am   rating: +3  

    • #3.1  the dawd

      I used to work under this guy with a really bad temper and a good imagination. I was over at his house when his DVD player broke down. In a fit of rage he decided to use the DVD player to punish one of the trees in the back yard ( i am not sure what the tree did????) When he was done he brought his broken DVD player back inside to show the other electronics in his house what happens when they are disobedient.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #3.2  unholyghost2003

      that sound like something my father would do. He recently threatened the snowblower that if it did not allow him to change its blades he would leave it for dead on the side of the road.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:13 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #3.3  Lorelie

      I’ve found that threatening a computer with a dip in the nearest river often works.

      And people say they’re just machines. Pshaw.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #3.4  zale

      nah… for the computer you threaten to reprogram it with an axe

      Apr 7, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #4  Naks

    My fav part is the smiley face after the not-so-subtle threat, the heart, and the command to love in caps… :) LOVE ME! (or else..)

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #5  amy d

    As to note #2, that’s some jacked-up tape that black mark used to post her note, ain’t it?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #6  park rose

    I’m in awe of the ferocity with which Tristan signed his name. :)

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:52 am   rating: +6  

    • #6.1  bamBAM!!

      He must have been pretty pissed.

      Mar 1, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #7  Naks

    I hope Vince remembers to give the message to his other pizza cardboard friends.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: +2  

    • #7.1  amy d

      Is there an echo in here? Or, maybe I’m experiencing deja vu?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #8  Suhayla

    I love Tristan’s “message” to the other cardboards! He sure is a cold-hearted bitch displaying that pizza-cardboard carnage like that!

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #9  CJ

    Aren’t you never supposed to put the cardboard in the oven in the first place? Don’t these people know how to cook pizza?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: +1  

    • #9.1  unholyghost2003

      agreed CJ, I was very confused at first, I thought perhaps there were pizza BOXES, like from a take out of delivery order still sitting in there. WHO someone would want to infuse their pizza with waxy paper glue is beyond my mental scope.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:57 am   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #10  RD

    Wait, how many people are pregnant again in Clemson?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #11  se

    what sort of person even thinks about the possibility that there could be a baby in the oven?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:13 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #12  claw71

    What’s a pregnant woman going to do to me, tell everybody I’m the daddy? Please.

    What really irks me is that the note seems to be written by one of the quasi-lesbian, overly protective BFFs. You know who I’m talking about, the office harpy who thinks she must protect all the other women. At night she becomes the fat friend who can’t even be distracted by the best wing man.

    By the way, Tristan is not a good wing man. Somebody who draws doodles on his own name is barely a man at all. Not that somebody named Tristan has a shot in the first place.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: +3  

    • #12.1  Mishee

      claw, we all know you are the father.

      that damn albino python strikes again.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:26 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #12.2  Writerrejected

      Hey, when you think about it, this comment is offensive on every gender/sexual orientation level. Nice thorough work!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:03 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.3  Mishee

      looks like claw’s work is done WR. he can sit back on his laurels for the rest of the day.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.4  Canthz_B

      Tristan baking cookies on Saturday night signing his name with curly-ques sounds like a “wing man” to me! ;-)

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.5  Alix

      Mishee and writerrejected said everything I would have said about claw’s post, and much more cleverly than I could have done. Me thinketh that claw must not only be the father, but also the eater of the pizza.
      Trisitan is clearly an art student or should be one, what with his illustrative signature.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 12:34 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.6  Mishee

      an art student? hell, i’ve seen 8 year old girls with more manly signature than that!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:05 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #12.7  claw71

      First of all, I am not the father. I irradiated ny junk when I was 15… a full 20 years before I had sex.

      Now I would dcertainly eat the pizza. The 45 minute rule will not be compromised. If you wanted that pizza you should have waddled your fat, baby-laden ass to the kitchen and eaten it in a timely fashion.

      Tristan is clearly NOT an art student. He should stay as far away from art school as he possibly can.

      And keep that heart-doodling freak off the internet. Guys like Tristan use wingdings.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:45 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #12.8  Alix

      The point wasn’t that his signature was manly, it wasn’t. I interpreted his doodles as flames, alluding to the fire that nearly happened.
      And I hope for his own sake that claw never does get a woman pregnant. If I was carrying some man’s baby and he called me fat……. Let’s just say that I’m a member of Team Pregnant Woman Trumps All, aside from it being just plain shitty to eat someone else’s food.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:09 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #12.9  Canthz_B

      Tristan is flaming all right… :-P

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.10  anglophile

      I was kind of disappointed claw failed to bring race into the equation. But maybe he’s still a little rusty from his long hiatus?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:19 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #12.11  Writerrejected

      Not only Claw, though. I notice that Canthz B is joining in the homoerotic thread here. Methinks everyone is protesting quite a lot about Tristan with some fine titillation. What’s up with that, dudes?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #12.12  claw71

      Tristan encrusted his name with tiny little hearts. I’ve never seen that before. It’s a little twisted.

      But the dude’s name is Tristan. That tells me that his mother was probably a big fan of General Hospital and simply adored the actor who played Robin Scorpio.

      That’s a Fruedian mess right there.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:13 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.13  Canthz_B

      I just callthz ‘em as I theethz ‘em, WR ;-)

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:29 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.14  Numinous

      Um, I think you’ve picked the wrong GH character. Robin Scorpio is female and played by Kimberly McCullough. She’s very petite and her character is self-righteous.

      Tristan Rogers plays her father, Robert Scorpio. His character plays it fast and loose and has been a secret agent since before I was born. Combine that with his Australian accent and it’s no wonder women in the 1980’s thought he was hot.

      Personally, I was much too young to be caught up in such things. However, I do remember enough to know that if this Tristan’s mother was an obsessive fan during the GH era where Robert Scorpio (and Luke and Laura Spencer) defeated the Cassadines from things like the “weather machine”… Well, let’s just say there wasn’t much hope for this Tristan to turn out normal.

      Mar 1, 2008 at 7:52 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #13  KittyKat

    I hope all those roommate guys are gay and never decide to adopt. I mean, come on, a baby in the oven?

    Or, having heard the phrase “a bun in the oven”, perhaps Vince thinks that’s where babies come from? Maybe THAT explains the cookie-baking on a Saturday night instead of the usual drinking and whoring of most single young men.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #14  KittyKat

    And women!

    *sigh* Damn, I miss single life!

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #15  unholyghost2003

    pshhhh I know what is best for me! A belly full of pizza and empty of offspring. What a glutton! filling her belly with a fetus AND all the pizza.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #16  nerdabilly

    “Let this be a message to your other pizza cardboards.” It’s almost poetic, but really sounds more like something randomly-generated, like so many Spam email subjects.

    I’ve never heard of the box pizza comes in referred to as a “pizza cardboard”, but I guess it makes sense.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: +1  

    • #16.1  Mishee

      i think it’s the cardboard that the pizza sits on - like a tombstone, but you aren’t supposed to cook the pizza on it, I usually keep it around and use it to get the pizza off of the oven rack when done, then I don’t have to dirty a cutting board…

      but I don’t believe I have ever put it back in the oven when done… hmmm… maybe vince was a little stoned or something?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:49 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #17  Mishee

    the next step tristian will take is to leave a pizza cardboard in vince’s bed… right next to the severed horse’s head…

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:36 am   rating: +3  

     
  • #18  claw71

    Honestly though, if a person really knows what’s best for them would they be eating pizza at all?

    For god’s sake, fatso, have a salad.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:09 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #19  tragically mep

    The second note makes me question my decision not to have kids. Why should we let stupid people produce the next generation?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #20  GhostWriter

    A Pizza Cardboard

    sing-along with Janis!

    Come on… Come on… Come ON! COME ON!
    Didn’t I make it clear to scour the oven, man? well yeah,
    An’ didn’t I catch you reading everything that I wrote out awfully candid?
    Honey, you know I did!
    And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I’ll call your bluff,
    But I’m gonna show you, buddy, that this Tristan can be tough.

    I want you to- come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
    Take your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
    Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
    Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
    You know you got it, if your fingers burn good,
    Oh yes indeed.

    Your chow’s on the plate, cookin’ food, you leave it,
    deep down on the grate- I guess you know that it ain’t right,
    Never never never never never never never heed my cry, that’s right.
    Bubby, I pile on the blame!
    And each time I tell myself, that you’re constantly lame,
    And when I open up the oven door, I see it’s still the same.

    I’ll say come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah take it!
    Take your your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
    Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
    Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
    You know you got it, if your fingers burn good,

    ~~ guitar solo ~ ~

    So come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
    Take your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
    Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
    Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
    You rarely got it, … WAAAAAAAH!
    Take it! Take your your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
    Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
    Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
    You know you got it, if your fingers burn good.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: +8  

    • #20.1  KittyKat

      Man, this was so long, at first I thought claw wrote it :)

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:41 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #20.2  Alix

      Heh heh. Ghostwriter, you’ve officially made my day with this Janis Joplin paragraph. Thank you.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 12:28 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.3  Alix

      Um, I meant parody before, even though I typed paragraph, and for some reason, it won’t let me edit what I wrote.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:15 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #20.4  anglophile

      I can just see Tristan belting it out, leaving nothing behind, just like Janice would!

      Most excellent, GW! :D

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.5  Writerrejected

      I don’t usually like the song segments on PAN, but the Janice tribute I liked.

      Mar 1, 2008 at 11:13 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #21  Katzndogz

    So the message to the other pizza cardboards is that they should take their cardboards out of the oven?

    When you think about it [too much] a cardboard belonging to a pizza cardboard would perhaps be it’s child…or baby. Unless it’s just a pet, in which case the whole thing is moot.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:37 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #22  Sarah

    Team Tristan. I’d want my roommate to tell me if there’s even a remote chance of his fathering children and leaving them in the oven.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #23  Tyler

    Who stores their cardboard boxes in the oven?

    Team Recycle

    Feb 29, 2008 at 12:26 pm   rating: +1  

    • #23.1  unholyghost2003

      I know in MY house pizza delivery is popped in a warm (OFF) oven while still in its box to keep it hot through the evening. SOMETIMES when the beer consumption is in excess of the pizza consumption it is forgotten. It is not a cardboard storage location issue.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 12:29 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #23.2  Canthz_B

      That’s what I was thinking happened. I pop the delivery box in the oven too.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 12:32 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #23.3  Alia

      ~raises her hand~ i store pizza boxes in my oven… ive even forgotten one was in there, turned the oven on - and set one on fire.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 4:55 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #24  claw71

    ….Welcome back to Iron Chef America . At the break we saw Bobby Flay writing something on a scrap of paper…Let’s throw it down to Kevin Bosch and see if he can tell us what it was.

    (Kevin) : Well, Alton, Iron Chef Flay was pretty upset because sous chef Danny Riven apparently left a cardboard pizza disc in the oven.

    (Alton): Oooh. No wonder he was so angry. In a tight battle like this you don’t want acrid smoke from burnt cardboard permeating the flesh of fresh baby. It’s…

    (Kevin): Sorry Alton, our challenger has taken what we thought was baby tartare and put it in the ice cream maker!

    (Alton): Ah, yes, fresh baby sorbet. I don’t know where that will fit in with his menu selection but I’m sure it won’t be dessert…

    (Kevin):WOW! Bobby Flay just threw a live baby in a vat of hot oil! Look at it writhe!

    (Alton): That must be a something similar to Peking Duck. A lot of people don’t know that the original dish was prepared by throwing a live duck into very hot oil. Cruel? Perhaps. Delicious? Oh yes. The enzymes secreted during extreme pain change the flavor.

    Since babies do have a very thick layer of subcutaneous fat, I suspect that this will prove to be an excellent course. Crispy on the outside and tender on the inside.

    (Kevin) :Now the challenger has turned up the heat on the oven he put the baby in at the start of the show.

    (Alton) HMMM. That sounds like a Malaysian dish known as slow roasted baby. But that normally takes days to execute. It’s odd because they normally use a toddler and not a newborn. Toddler’s have more conective tissue. Chef Otswa might run out of time on this one…unless he finishes it in a pressure cooker.

    Kitchen Stadium is filled with the sweet aroma of simering baby stew. Bobby Flay is going back to the Ming Dynasty for an authentic take on Peking Duck. Baby sorbet and baby carpaccio are already on the plates. Can Chef Otswa pull off the impossible? Will Bobby Flay be undermined by scorched cardboard? The answers to these questions and more when Iron Chef: Battle Baby returns.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm   rating: +10  

    • #24.1  unholyghost2003