Zakir in Montreal came home one night to find his roommate, Tristan ferociously scribbling this note for his other roommate, Vincent. Apparently, Tristan was baking cookies on Saturday night (aww) and when he turned on the stove, the entire apartment filled with smoke from the charred cardboard from Vince’s frozen pizza.
Says Zakir: “Vincent’s reply to the note was gold. He yelled: ‘Well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”
Adds Zakir: “I’m not sure if those are hearts or flames all over the note, but I do know Tristan‘s face was scrunched with anger as he wrote it.”
Meanwhile, in Clemson, S.C…there is a baby in that oven.
![This [redacted]'s pizza. [Redacted] is pregnant. If you know what is best for you, you will not eat a pregnant women's [sic] food. :) Love, ME!!](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2137/2102775376_5541950a1d_b.jpg "This [redacted]'s pizza. [Redacted] is pregnant. If you know what is best for you, you will not eat a pregnant women's [sic] food. :) Love, ME!!")
related: must have been a pretty big bite
125 responses so far ↓
#1
the dawd
This one time at band camp…my wife was pregnant and had a craving for cucumber. I came home to find my sometimes neurotic wife didn’t even close the fridge after her frantic attempt to satisfy her craving.
Go team pregnant wife trumps all.
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:40 am rating: 6
#2
GVI
Is Tristan a bit fruity? (not that there is anything wrong with that). What’s up with the baking of cookies and all the little curls and stuff in his name?
A pregnant women’s
She needs some learning.
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:43 am rating: 1
#3
amy d
Since the posting of this note on Flickr and PAN, cardboards the world round bristle in fear.
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:48 am rating: 6
#4
Naks
My fav part is the smiley face after the not-so-subtle threat, the heart, and the command to love in caps…
LOVE ME! (or else..)
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:50 am rating: 1
#5
amy d
As to note #2, that’s some jacked-up tape that black mark used to post her note, ain’t it?
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:50 am rating: 0
#6
park rose
I’m in awe of the ferocity with which Tristan signed his name.
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:52 am rating: 12
#7
Naks
I hope Vince remembers to give the message to his other pizza cardboard friends.
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:53 am rating: 3
#8
Suhayla
I love Tristan’s “message” to the other cardboards! He sure is a cold-hearted bitch displaying that pizza-cardboard carnage like that!
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am rating: 1
#9
CJ
Aren’t you never supposed to put the cardboard in the oven in the first place? Don’t these people know how to cook pizza?
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am rating: 1
#10
RD
Wait, how many people are pregnant again in Clemson?
Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am rating: 0
#11
se
what sort of person even thinks about the possibility that there could be a baby in the oven?
Feb 29, 2008 at 10:13 am rating: 4
#12
claw71
What’s a pregnant woman going to do to me, tell everybody I’m the daddy? Please.
What really irks me is that the note seems to be written by one of the quasi-lesbian, overly protective BFFs. You know who I’m talking about, the office harpy who thinks she must protect all the other women. At night she becomes the fat friend who can’t even be distracted by the best wing man.
By the way, Tristan is not a good wing man. Somebody who draws doodles on his own name is barely a man at all. Not that somebody named Tristan has a shot in the first place.
Feb 29, 2008 at 10:19 am rating: 6
#13
KittyKat
I hope all those roommate guys are gay and never decide to adopt. I mean, come on, a baby in the oven?
Or, having heard the phrase “a bun in the oven”, perhaps Vince thinks that’s where babies come from? Maybe THAT explains the cookie-baking on a Saturday night instead of the usual drinking and whoring of most single young men.
Feb 29, 2008 at 10:21 am rating: 2
#14
KittyKat
And women!
*sigh* Damn, I miss single life!
Feb 29, 2008 at 10:23 am rating: 0
#15
unholyghost2003
pshhhh I know what is best for me! A belly full of pizza and empty of offspring. What a glutton! filling her belly with a fetus AND all the pizza.
Feb 29, 2008 at 10:30 am rating: 2
#16
nerdabilly
“Let this be a message to your other pizza cardboards.” It’s almost poetic, but really sounds more like something randomly-generated, like so many Spam email subjects.
I’ve never heard of the box pizza comes in referred to as a “pizza cardboard”, but I guess it makes sense.
Feb 29, 2008 at 10:33 am rating: 1
#17
Mishee
the next step tristian will take is to leave a pizza cardboard in vince’s bed… right next to the severed horse’s head…
Feb 29, 2008 at 10:36 am rating: 5
#18
claw71
Honestly though, if a person really knows what’s best for them would they be eating pizza at all?
For god’s sake, fatso, have a salad.
Feb 29, 2008 at 11:09 am rating: 1
#19
tragically mep
The second note makes me question my decision not to have kids. Why should we let stupid people produce the next generation?
Feb 29, 2008 at 11:20 am rating: 0
#20
GhostWriter
A Pizza Cardboard
sing-along with Janis!
Come on… Come on… Come ON! COME ON!
Didn’t I make it clear to scour the oven, man? well yeah,
An’ didn’t I catch you reading everything that I wrote out awfully candid?
Honey, you know I did!
And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I’ll call your bluff,
But I’m gonna show you, buddy, that this Tristan can be tough.
I want you to- come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
You know you got it, if your fingers burn good,
Oh yes indeed.
Your chow’s on the plate, cookin’ food, you leave it,
deep down on the grate- I guess you know that it ain’t right,
Never never never never never never never heed my cry, that’s right.
Bubby, I pile on the blame!
And each time I tell myself, that you’re constantly lame,
And when I open up the oven door, I see it’s still the same.
I’ll say come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah take it!
Take your your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
You know you got it, if your fingers burn good,
~~ guitar solo ~ ~
So come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
You rarely got it, … WAAAAAAAH!
Take it! Take your your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
You know you got it, if your fingers burn good.
Feb 29, 2008 at 11:34 am rating: 9
#21
Katzndogz
So the message to the other pizza cardboards is that they should take their cardboards out of the oven?
When you think about it [too much] a cardboard belonging to a pizza cardboard would perhaps be it’s child…or baby. Unless it’s just a pet, in which case the whole thing is moot.
Feb 29, 2008 at 11:37 am rating: 1
#22
Sarah
Team Tristan. I’d want my roommate to tell me if there’s even a remote chance of his fathering children and leaving them in the oven.
Feb 29, 2008 at 11:38 am rating: 2
#23
Tyler
Who stores their cardboard boxes in the oven?
Team Recycle
Feb 29, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: 2
#24
claw71
….Welcome back to Iron Chef America . At the break we saw Bobby Flay writing something on a scrap of paper…Let’s throw it down to Kevin Bosch and see if he can tell us what it was.
(Kevin) : Well, Alton, Iron Chef Flay was pretty upset because sous chef Danny Riven apparently left a cardboard pizza disc in the oven.
(Alton): Oooh. No wonder he was so angry. In a tight battle like this you don’t want acrid smoke from burnt cardboard permeating the flesh of fresh baby. It’s…
(Kevin): Sorry Alton, our challenger has taken what we thought was baby tartare and put it in the ice cream maker!
(Alton): Ah, yes, fresh baby sorbet. I don’t know where that will fit in with his menu selection but I’m sure it won’t be dessert…
(Kevin):WOW! Bobby Flay just threw a live baby in a vat of hot oil! Look at it writhe!
(Alton): That must be a something similar to Peking Duck. A lot of people don’t know that the original dish was prepared by throwing a live duck into very hot oil. Cruel? Perhaps. Delicious? Oh yes. The enzymes secreted during extreme pain change the flavor.
Since babies do have a very thick layer of subcutaneous fat, I suspect that this will prove to be an excellent course. Crispy on the outside and tender on the inside.
(Kevin) :Now the challenger has turned up the heat on the oven he put the baby in at the start of the show.
(Alton) HMMM. That sounds like a Malaysian dish known as slow roasted baby. But that normally takes days to execute. It’s odd because they normally use a toddler and not a newborn. Toddler’s have more conective tissue. Chef Otswa might run out of time on this one…unless he finishes it in a pressure cooker.
Kitchen Stadium is filled with the sweet aroma of simering baby stew. Bobby Flay is going back to the Ming Dynasty for an authentic take on Peking Duck. Baby sorbet and baby carpaccio are already on the plates. Can Chef Otswa pull off the impossible? Will Bobby Flay be undermined by scorched cardboard? The answers to these questions and more when Iron Chef: Battle Baby returns.
Feb 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm rating: 13
#25
secondsout
Wow, I’m glad I’m male and can never be pregnant. What hormonal raging causes someone to write an angry note threatening hinted-at consequences for eating a pregnant women’s {sic} pizza, complete with hearts, smileys, and yellow highlighting, is not something I ever care to experience. But yes, for the love of God, stand out of the way of this pregnant women {sic} and her feedbag.
Feb 29, 2008 at 1:36 pm rating: 1
#26
secondsout
Hey, I just noticed that there will be a PAN book – see the link at the bottom of the page. PAN Goddess, will some of the choice comments be included? That’s really the best part of this website – reading the snide replies that we all post.
Feb 29, 2008 at 1:38 pm rating: 0
#27
Chip
Those cookies were fucking delicious!
Feb 29, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: 0
#28
Canthz_B
Vincent’s mom is the witch from Hansel and Gretel. He’s just relating to his comfort foods.
Feb 29, 2008 at 2:12 pm rating: 2
#29
claw71
What if Kerry publishes our comments and then subjects us to a scathing analysis? We could all be characterized as embittered ne’er do wells who hurl snarky barbs at strangers from the seemingly anonymous cloak of invisibility our user names provide. Some of us are stupid enough to have a link attached to our user names. Some of us are desperate enough to publish links to our personal blog sites. I think this book could come back to hurt us all. Exposing us for the shallow, callow trolls we are
http://claw71.blogspot.com
http://stevevc.blogspot.com
http://sportsscribe.blogspot.com
Feb 29, 2008 at 2:17 pm rating: 1
#30
Otto E. Roddick
While we’re on the topic of babies in ovens… a friend of mine recently told me that one of her uncles, who was born prematurely, had to be incubated in the oven (this was back in the ’40′s or ’50′s).
Strangely, this also would have happened in Montreal so maybe this is a regional hazard?
Feb 29, 2008 at 2:18 pm rating: 1
#31
Canthz_B
That wasn’t a pizza cardboard. That was a cardboard-flavored frozen pizza!
(thanks, playa)
Feb 29, 2008 at 2:53 pm rating: 1
#32
Wade
I have heard that consuming pizza near the due date can induce labor. Maybe she was saving it in case her HMO doesn’t cover Pitocin.
Feb 29, 2008 at 3:15 pm rating: 1
#33
Heidi
a baby!!!!! hahahahahahaah classic!
Feb 29, 2008 at 4:24 pm rating: 0
#34
bamBAM!!
I don’t know about you, but I usually don’t write messages to cardboards, refer to multiple carboards as “cardboards,” or store my babies in the oven.
Mar 1, 2008 at 10:17 am rating: 0
#35
bamBAM!!
Based upon the signature of Tristan, can we assume that they are more than just roomates??
Mar 1, 2008 at 10:18 am rating: 0
#36
Iris
HI ZAKIR!
Nice find. I’m jealous.
Peace,
Iris
Mar 1, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: 0
#37
aaa
I had my pizza eaten before. But then again, my roomates’ parents didn’t love them enough to teach them not to be immature, entitled dicks, so it’s okay. I was supposed to expect that. :/
Mar 1, 2008 at 5:48 pm rating: 0
#38
Team Cassandra
says zakir: “vincent’s reply to the note was gold. he yelled: ‘well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”
Ok – no word of a lie. My mother used to say that. She actually gave us an entire back story for it too.
It wasn’t like anyone ever left anything in the oven so I guess it worked…somehow…
Mar 1, 2008 at 7:23 pm rating: 3
#39
bamBAM!!
did the baby somehow crawl into the oven? damn childlocks don’t work like they used to.
Mar 1, 2008 at 11:58 pm rating: 1
#40
Lauren
That baby was fucking delicious.
Mar 2, 2008 at 3:01 am rating: 0
#41
Lurker
1. Tristan is a tenor. A heldentenor, no less.He can’t help being flamboyant.
2. I am totally stuffing a pillow up my shirt so I can do whatever I want and people will give me food and not mind me being a total shrew.
Mar 2, 2008 at 9:28 am rating: 2
#42
Hellbound Alleee
Tristan is gay, and obviously much more intelligent than a roomie who puts cardboard in the oven. What a moron.
Mar 2, 2008 at 6:52 pm rating: 0
#43
Quite Contrary
Unlike Duncan, Tristan clearly didn’t lose interest in this project and saw it through its completion. Whaddya want to bet that he is still obsessing on it?
Mar 3, 2008 at 8:14 pm rating: 0
#44
Strepsi
She’s gonna have a mean baby. A grammatically incorrect, obese-because-of-processed-pizza, mean, stupid baby.
Mar 12, 2008 at 12:49 pm rating: 1
#45
Nick
Yeah, I saw a pregnant girl eating a pizza last night. I thought she was going to throw the crust away and I almost lost an arm.
I didn’t know she was saving it!! Lesson learned.
Mar 13, 2008 at 10:06 am rating: 1
#46
andrew
I’d be pissed off too if my name were Tristan
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: 0
#47
forsoothsayer
re note 2 – it makes me genuinely sad when someone with such poor grammar is allowed to breed.
Mar 26, 2008 at 4:00 am rating: 0
#48 the womb that would birth a thousand excuses
[...] bun — er, — pizza in the oven [...]
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:20 pm rating: 0
#49
BuyViagra
yes! do you speak english?
Jun 4, 2009 at 10:41 pm rating: 0
#50
Pentcelve
Your blog is so interesting! I have subscribed on rss and I will read it regullary/
Jul 2, 2009 at 1:52 pm rating: 0
#51
Undetspes
Excellent blog! Very interesting themes. I will regularly read it.
Jul 6, 2009 at 6:07 am rating: 0
#52
Wandering Seeker
Who bakes their frozen pizzas on the cardboard? Isn’t that what pizza pans are for? And HOW do you leave that in the oven? How’s you get the pizza out?
As for the second, it really is very dangerous to eat a pregnant woman’s food.We’re always hungry. If you take our food, we will cook you and eat you.
Aug 25, 2009 at 10:40 pm rating: 0
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