Bun — er, pizza — in the oven

February 29th, 2008 · 125 comments

Zakir in Montreal came home one night to find his roommate, Tristan ferociously scribbling this note for his other roommate, Vincent.  Apparently, Tristan was baking cookies on Saturday night (aww) and when he turned on the stove, the entire apartment filled with smoke from the charred cardboard from Vince’s frozen pizza.

Says Zakir: “Vincent’s reply to the note was gold. He yelled: ‘Well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”

Vince. Let this be a message to your other pizza cardboards. Take your cardboards out of the oven! -Tristan

Adds Zakir: “I’m not sure if those are hearts or flames all over the note, but I do know Tristan‘s face was scrunched with anger as he wrote it.”

Meanwhile, in Clemson, S.C…there is a baby in that oven.

This [redacted]'s pizza. [Redacted] is pregnant. If you know what is best for you, you will not eat a pregnant women's [sic] food. :) Love, ME!!

related: must have been a pretty big bite

FILED UNDER: double-entendre alert · heart · Montreal · oven · pizza · preggers · smiley · South Carolina · spelling and grammar police


125 responses so far ↓

  • #1   the dawd bang

    This one time at band camp…my wife was pregnant and had a craving for cucumber. I came home to find my sometimes neurotic wife didn’t even close the fridge after her frantic attempt to satisfy her craving.

    Go team pregnant wife trumps all.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   amy d bang

      She didn’t actually eat the cucumber, though, right?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   the dawd bang

      That cucumber was never found again. :)

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   amy d bang

      *shudder*

      That’s scary.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Canthz_B bang

      Stay away from the pizza if you value your life.
      Speaking of life, my pregnant wife got a craving for Life cereal, walked to the grocery store, grabbed a box of Life, a carton of milk and tore into it right in the aisle!

      Team pregnant wife trumps all grows!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Cozy

      Men Beware!! My husband told me that my pregnancy moods were just like my PMS…..multiplied by TEN!!!!!
      BTW, my PMS was dangerous enough, lol!!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   sarcastic monkey

      The running joke using the lame band camp line isn’t funny or original.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Mishee bang

      I thought that band camp line was…. wait for it….

      FUCKING DELICIOUS

      But then again, I might be baised, my name is Michelle and I like you to say my name BITCH!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 6:10 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Canthz_B bang

      Someone here sounds like the kid at band camp that we made pee in the bed! :evil:

      Feb 29, 2008 at 6:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   Troy McClure bang

      Sarkey, I love the band camp line. The dawd trots it out with just the right frequency. Always makes me giggle.

      Mishee … I think we’re on the same side of this issue, but … if your name happened to be “Bandcamp” rather than Michelle, I would see what you meant. (Also, if you go to France, try to avoid claiming to be baised in polite company!)

      Mar 1, 2008 at 6:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   GVI bang

    Is Tristan a bit fruity? (not that there is anything wrong with that). What’s up with the baking of cookies and all the little curls and stuff in his name?

    A pregnant women’s :? She needs some learning.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   the dawd bang

      [/inserttargetonchest]
      Isn’t women’s possessive, ie Darren’s food?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      Yes, “women’s” is plural possessive hence the confusion when the noun marker(“a”) is singular.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   amy d bang

      How much for the womens ?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:55 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Suhayla

      Yes. The apostrophe-s is possessive, not plural.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   karin

      yes, but it’s womAn’s not womEn’s

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   amy d bang

    Since the posting of this note on Flickr and PAN, cardboards the world round bristle in fear.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:48 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   the dawd bang

      I used to work under this guy with a really bad temper and a good imagination. I was over at his house when his DVD player broke down. In a fit of rage he decided to use the DVD player to punish one of the trees in the back yard ( i am not sure what the tree did????) When he was done he brought his broken DVD player back inside to show the other electronics in his house what happens when they are disobedient.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      that sound like something my father would do. He recently threatened the snowblower that if it did not allow him to change its blades he would leave it for dead on the side of the road.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:13 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Lorelie

      I’ve found that threatening a computer with a dip in the nearest river often works.

      And people say they’re just machines. Pshaw.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   zale

      nah… for the computer you threaten to reprogram it with an axe

      Apr 7, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   jelloegg bang

      Yes, but I have a demon in my computer. Do demons listen to reason?

      Jul 9, 2008 at 2:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Naks

    My fav part is the smiley face after the not-so-subtle threat, the heart, and the command to love in caps… :) LOVE ME! (or else..)

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   amy d bang

    As to note #2, that’s some jacked-up tape that black mark used to post her note, ain’t it?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   park rose bang

    I’m in awe of the ferocity with which Tristan signed his name. :)

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:52 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   bamBAM!! bang

      He must have been pretty pissed.

      Mar 1, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Naks

    I hope Vince remembers to give the message to his other pizza cardboard friends.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   amy d bang

      Is there an echo in here? Or, maybe I’m experiencing deja vu?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Suhayla

    I love Tristan’s “message” to the other cardboards! He sure is a cold-hearted bitch displaying that pizza-cardboard carnage like that!

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   CJ

    Aren’t you never supposed to put the cardboard in the oven in the first place? Don’t these people know how to cook pizza?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      agreed CJ, I was very confused at first, I thought perhaps there were pizza BOXES, like from a take out of delivery order still sitting in there. WHO someone would want to infuse their pizza with waxy paper glue is beyond my mental scope.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 9:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   RD

    Wait, how many people are pregnant again in Clemson?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   se

    what sort of person even thinks about the possibility that there could be a baby in the oven?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   claw71 bang

    What’s a pregnant woman going to do to me, tell everybody I’m the daddy? Please.

    What really irks me is that the note seems to be written by one of the quasi-lesbian, overly protective BFFs. You know who I’m talking about, the office harpy who thinks she must protect all the other women. At night she becomes the fat friend who can’t even be distracted by the best wing man.

    By the way, Tristan is not a good wing man. Somebody who draws doodles on his own name is barely a man at all. Not that somebody named Tristan has a shot in the first place.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Mishee bang

      claw, we all know you are the father.

      that damn albino python strikes again.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Writerrejected bang

      Hey, when you think about it, this comment is offensive on every gender/sexual orientation level. Nice thorough work!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Mishee bang

      looks like claw’s work is done WR. he can sit back on his laurels for the rest of the day.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Canthz_B bang

      Tristan baking cookies on Saturday night signing his name with curly-ques sounds like a “wing man” to me! ;-)

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Alix

      Mishee and writerrejected said everything I would have said about claw’s post, and much more cleverly than I could have done. Me thinketh that claw must not only be the father, but also the eater of the pizza.
      Trisitan is clearly an art student or should be one, what with his illustrative signature.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 12:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   Mishee bang

      an art student? hell, i’ve seen 8 year old girls with more manly signature than that!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   claw71 bang

      First of all, I am not the father. I irradiated ny junk when I was 15… a full 20 years before I had sex.

      Now I would dcertainly eat the pizza. The 45 minute rule will not be compromised. If you wanted that pizza you should have waddled your fat, baby-laden ass to the kitchen and eaten it in a timely fashion.

      Tristan is clearly NOT an art student. He should stay as far away from art school as he possibly can.

      And keep that heart-doodling freak off the internet. Guys like Tristan use wingdings.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Alix

      The point wasn’t that his signature was manly, it wasn’t. I interpreted his doodles as flames, alluding to the fire that nearly happened.
      And I hope for his own sake that claw never does get a woman pregnant. If I was carrying some man’s baby and he called me fat……. Let’s just say that I’m a member of Team Pregnant Woman Trumps All, aside from it being just plain shitty to eat someone else’s food.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   Canthz_B bang

      Tristan is flaming all right… :-P

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   anglophile bang

      I was kind of disappointed claw failed to bring race into the equation. But maybe he’s still a little rusty from his long hiatus?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   Writerrejected bang

      Not only Claw, though. I notice that Canthz B is joining in the homoerotic thread here. Methinks everyone is protesting quite a lot about Tristan with some fine titillation. What’s up with that, dudes?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.12   claw71 bang

      Tristan encrusted his name with tiny little hearts. I’ve never seen that before. It’s a little twisted.

      But the dude’s name is Tristan. That tells me that his mother was probably a big fan of General Hospital and simply adored the actor who played Robin Scorpio.

      That’s a Fruedian mess right there.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.13   Canthz_B bang

      I just callthz ‘em as I theethz ‘em, WR ;-)

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.14   Numinous bang

      Um, I think you’ve picked the wrong GH character. Robin Scorpio is female and played by Kimberly McCullough. She’s very petite and her character is self-righteous.

      Tristan Rogers plays her father, Robert Scorpio. His character plays it fast and loose and has been a secret agent since before I was born. Combine that with his Australian accent and it’s no wonder women in the 1980′s thought he was hot.

      Personally, I was much too young to be caught up in such things. However, I do remember enough to know that if this Tristan’s mother was an obsessive fan during the GH era where Robert Scorpio (and Luke and Laura Spencer) defeated the Cassadines from things like the “weather machine”… Well, let’s just say there wasn’t much hope for this Tristan to turn out normal.

      Mar 1, 2008 at 7:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   KittyKat

    I hope all those roommate guys are gay and never decide to adopt. I mean, come on, a baby in the oven?

    Or, having heard the phrase “a bun in the oven”, perhaps Vince thinks that’s where babies come from? Maybe THAT explains the cookie-baking on a Saturday night instead of the usual drinking and whoring of most single young men.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   KittyKat

    And women!

    *sigh* Damn, I miss single life!

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   unholyghost2003 bang

    pshhhh I know what is best for me! A belly full of pizza and empty of offspring. What a glutton! filling her belly with a fetus AND all the pizza.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   nerdabilly

    “Let this be a message to your other pizza cardboards.” It’s almost poetic, but really sounds more like something randomly-generated, like so many Spam email subjects.

    I’ve never heard of the box pizza comes in referred to as a “pizza cardboard”, but I guess it makes sense.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Mishee bang

      i think it’s the cardboard that the pizza sits on – like a tombstone, but you aren’t supposed to cook the pizza on it, I usually keep it around and use it to get the pizza off of the oven rack when done, then I don’t have to dirty a cutting board…

      but I don’t believe I have ever put it back in the oven when done… hmmm… maybe vince was a little stoned or something?

      Feb 29, 2008 at 10:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Mishee bang

    the next step tristian will take is to leave a pizza cardboard in vince’s bed… right next to the severed horse’s head…

    Feb 29, 2008 at 10:36 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   claw71 bang

    Honestly though, if a person really knows what’s best for them would they be eating pizza at all?

    For god’s sake, fatso, have a salad.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   tragically mep bang

    The second note makes me question my decision not to have kids. Why should we let stupid people produce the next generation?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   GhostWriter bang

    A Pizza Cardboard

    sing-along with Janis!

    Come on… Come on… Come ON! COME ON!
    Didn’t I make it clear to scour the oven, man? well yeah,
    An’ didn’t I catch you reading everything that I wrote out awfully candid?
    Honey, you know I did!
    And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I’ll call your bluff,
    But I’m gonna show you, buddy, that this Tristan can be tough.

    I want you to- come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
    Take your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
    Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
    Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
    You know you got it, if your fingers burn good,
    Oh yes indeed.

    Your chow’s on the plate, cookin’ food, you leave it,
    deep down on the grate- I guess you know that it ain’t right,
    Never never never never never never never heed my cry, that’s right.
    Bubby, I pile on the blame!
    And each time I tell myself, that you’re constantly lame,
    And when I open up the oven door, I see it’s still the same.

    I’ll say come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah take it!
    Take your your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
    Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
    Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
    You know you got it, if your fingers burn good,

    ~~ guitar solo ~ ~

    So come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
    Take your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
    Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
    Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
    You rarely got it, … WAAAAAAAH!
    Take it! Take your your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, (make it..)
    Make your motherfucking pizza and cardboard disappear. (grab it..)
    Hey! Grab your motherfucking pizza and cardboard, baby, yeah.
    You know you got it, if your fingers burn good.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   KittyKat

      Man, this was so long, at first I thought claw wrote it :)

      Feb 29, 2008 at 11:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Alix

      Heh heh. Ghostwriter, you’ve officially made my day with this Janis Joplin paragraph. Thank you.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 12:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Alix

      Um, I meant parody before, even though I typed paragraph, and for some reason, it won’t let me edit what I wrote.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   anglophile bang

      I can just see Tristan belting it out, leaving nothing behind, just like Janice would!

      Most excellent, GW! :D

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.5   Writerrejected bang

      I don’t usually like the song segments on PAN, but the Janice tribute I liked.

      Mar 1, 2008 at 11:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Katzndogz bang

    So the message to the other pizza cardboards is that they should take their cardboards out of the oven?

    When you think about it [too much] a cardboard belonging to a pizza cardboard would perhaps be it’s child…or baby. Unless it’s just a pet, in which case the whole thing is moot.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Sarah bang

    Team Tristan. I’d want my roommate to tell me if there’s even a remote chance of his fathering children and leaving them in the oven.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Tyler bang

    Who stores their cardboard boxes in the oven?

    Team Recycle

    Feb 29, 2008 at 12:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      I know in MY house pizza delivery is popped in a warm (OFF) oven while still in its box to keep it hot through the evening. SOMETIMES when the beer consumption is in excess of the pizza consumption it is forgotten. It is not a cardboard storage location issue.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 12:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Canthz_B bang

      That’s what I was thinking happened. I pop the delivery box in the oven too.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 12:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   Alia bang

      ~raises her hand~ i store pizza boxes in my oven… ive even forgotten one was in there, turned the oven on – and set one on fire.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 4:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   claw71 bang

    ….Welcome back to Iron Chef America . At the break we saw Bobby Flay writing something on a scrap of paper…Let’s throw it down to Kevin Bosch and see if he can tell us what it was.

    (Kevin) : Well, Alton, Iron Chef Flay was pretty upset because sous chef Danny Riven apparently left a cardboard pizza disc in the oven.

    (Alton): Oooh. No wonder he was so angry. In a tight battle like this you don’t want acrid smoke from burnt cardboard permeating the flesh of fresh baby. It’s…

    (Kevin): Sorry Alton, our challenger has taken what we thought was baby tartare and put it in the ice cream maker!

    (Alton): Ah, yes, fresh baby sorbet. I don’t know where that will fit in with his menu selection but I’m sure it won’t be dessert…

    (Kevin):WOW! Bobby Flay just threw a live baby in a vat of hot oil! Look at it writhe!

    (Alton): That must be a something similar to Peking Duck. A lot of people don’t know that the original dish was prepared by throwing a live duck into very hot oil. Cruel? Perhaps. Delicious? Oh yes. The enzymes secreted during extreme pain change the flavor.

    Since babies do have a very thick layer of subcutaneous fat, I suspect that this will prove to be an excellent course. Crispy on the outside and tender on the inside.

    (Kevin) :Now the challenger has turned up the heat on the oven he put the baby in at the start of the show.

    (Alton) HMMM. That sounds like a Malaysian dish known as slow roasted baby. But that normally takes days to execute. It’s odd because they normally use a toddler and not a newborn. Toddler’s have more conective tissue. Chef Otswa might run out of time on this one…unless he finishes it in a pressure cooker.

    Kitchen Stadium is filled with the sweet aroma of simering baby stew. Bobby Flay is going back to the Ming Dynasty for an authentic take on Peking Duck. Baby sorbet and baby carpaccio are already on the plates. Can Chef Otswa pull off the impossible? Will Bobby Flay be undermined by scorched cardboard? The answers to these questions and more when Iron Chef: Battle Baby returns.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      Oh claw … I … I LOVE YOU!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   GhostWriter bang

      If only he would use his superpowers for good…

      Word of the Day: subcutaneous

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   claw71 bang

      Besure to check out http://www.foodnetwork.com for some fantastic baby recipes like Mario Batali’s roasted baby ravioli or Rachel Ray’s oven fried baby tenders.

      And don’t mess the next episode of Everyday Italian where Giada DiLaurentis will wash her hands fourteen times!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   Canthz_B bang

      :lol: :lol: :lol:

      Guest judges: Fine Young Cannibals!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   KittyKat

      Mmmmm, that baby was fucking delicious!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   claw71 bang

      She drives me crazy.

      Giada, I’d love to pit your olives.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.7   Mishee bang

      claw, i swear one day you will get me fired and then it’s on!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.8   SHARKFAN bang

      I think I love claw too!

      Mar 1, 2008 at 3:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   secondsout bang

    Wow, I’m glad I’m male and can never be pregnant. What hormonal raging causes someone to write an angry note threatening hinted-at consequences for eating a pregnant women’s {sic} pizza, complete with hearts, smileys, and yellow highlighting, is not something I ever care to experience. But yes, for the love of God, stand out of the way of this pregnant women {sic} and her feedbag.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 1:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Mishee bang

      it’s not just pregnant women sout – it’s all women, the only difference is usually a preggo woman will keep you around and torture the shit out of you for eating her pizza, cause she needs the lamaze coach and someone to open the pickle jar.

      A PMSing woman will more than likely just get it over with and kill you.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   secondsout bang

    Hey, I just noticed that there will be a PAN book – see the link at the bottom of the page. PAN Goddess, will some of the choice comments be included? That’s really the best part of this website – reading the snide replies that we all post.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   claw71 bang

      All comments posted by claw71 are the sole property of claw71 Enterprises. Any use of comments posted by claw71 without the express written consent of claw71 Enterprises and the National Football League are prohibited.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Canthz_B bang

      Secondsout, yes…the book will contain comments.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   secondsout bang

      Awesome! I’ve always wanted to be published. Too bad my posts usually suck.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 1:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   claw71 bang

      Bingo!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   Mishee bang

      claw, I think Kerry should use 26.1 as the Preface of her book.

      That would crack me up.

      And I sure hope I get a mention in the acknowledgments for making PAN such an exciting place (esp when boggy was still around.. kinda miss sparring with her medicated, overly uptight personality!)

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   claw71 bang

      I never said that I wouldn’t provide express written consent but I never should have signed a licensing agreement with the NFL. I can’t even use the words Super and Bowl and the same sentence. Of course the number 71 will be universally retired in 2011 so I got something out of the deal.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Chip

    Those cookies were fucking delicious!

    Feb 29, 2008 at 1:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Canthz_B bang

    Vincent’s mom is the witch from Hansel and Gretel. He’s just relating to his comfort foods.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 2:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   claw71 bang

    What if Kerry publishes our comments and then subjects us to a scathing analysis? We could all be characterized as embittered ne’er do wells who hurl snarky barbs at strangers from the seemingly anonymous cloak of invisibility our user names provide. Some of us are stupid enough to have a link attached to our user names. Some of us are desperate enough to publish links to our personal blog sites. I think this book could come back to hurt us all. Exposing us for the shallow, callow trolls we are

    http://claw71.blogspot.com
    http://stevevc.blogspot.com
    http://sportsscribe.blogspot.com

    Feb 29, 2008 at 2:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Canthz_B bang

      I feel naked :-|

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   claw71 bang

      Yeah, CB, and you look cold.

      Funny, I guess those stories about black men aren’t true. Unless you’ve got a touch of Irish in you.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Canthz_B bang

      It’s just that you don’t turn me on like that, claw! But Tristan is looking your way and… 8-O

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Writerrejected bang

      Where there’s life there’s hope. I’ve always wanted to be characterized as something unsavory.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Otto E. Roddick

    While we’re on the topic of babies in ovens… a friend of mine recently told me that one of her uncles, who was born prematurely, had to be incubated in the oven (this was back in the ’40′s or ’50′s).
    Strangely, this also would have happened in Montreal so maybe this is a regional hazard?

    Feb 29, 2008 at 2:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Mishee bang

      I hear that most of the people in America’s Hat (whatever happened to Team Cass???) do put their babies in the oven, just for safekeeping and to keep out the chill of the “Great White North”.

      I think it’s just a regional thing, cause here in the SF Bay Area the kid would just cook, literally and figuratively!!

      Feb 29, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Canthz_B bang

    That wasn’t a pizza cardboard. That was a cardboard-flavored frozen pizza!

    (thanks, playa)

    Feb 29, 2008 at 2:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Wade bang

    I have heard that consuming pizza near the due date can induce labor. Maybe she was saving it in case her HMO doesn’t cover Pitocin.

    Feb 29, 2008 at 3:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Writerrejected bang

      I thought that was eggplant parm with lots of spices.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   claw71 bang

      I’ve got an Albino Python that’s been known to poke that fetus right on out of there.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   Canthz_B bang

      I’ve heard that Castor Oil will do the trick as well.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   secondsout bang

      And roller coasters. Or punching a pregnant girl in the stomach.

      Feb 29, 2008 at 6:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.5   Canthz_B bang

      Never mind. :???:

      Feb 29, 2008 at 7:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Heidi

    a baby!!!!! hahahahahahaah classic!

    Feb 29, 2008 at 4:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   bamBAM!! bang

    I don’t know about you, but I usually don’t write messages to cardboards, refer to multiple carboards as “cardboards,” or store my babies in the oven.

    Mar 1, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   bamBAM!! bang

    Based upon the signature of Tristan, can we assume that they are more than just roomates??

    Mar 1, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   sprucemoose

      Not necessarily. Two gay men can be roommates without being lovers. Yes, that’s legal, and socially accepted.

      Apr 16, 2008 at 6:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Iris

    HI ZAKIR!
    Nice find. I’m jealous.
    Peace,
    Iris

    Mar 1, 2008 at 11:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   aaa

    I had my pizza eaten before. But then again, my roomates’ parents didn’t love them enough to teach them not to be immature, entitled dicks, so it’s okay. I was supposed to expect that. :/

    Mar 1, 2008 at 5:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Team Cassandra bang

    says zakir: “vincent’s reply to the note was gold. he yelled: ‘well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”

    Ok – no word of a lie. My mother used to say that. She actually gave us an entire back story for it too.

    It wasn’t like anyone ever left anything in the oven so I guess it worked…somehow… :roll:

    Mar 1, 2008 at 7:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   sprucemoose

      Well, maybe this is a lame story, but my grandfather once left the TV remote in the oven (the roof leaked and he tried to save it by gently drying it at low temperature). My grandmother turned the oven on, and there was no saving the remote.
      Since that incident, I always check the oven before turning it on, and I live alone!

      Apr 16, 2008 at 6:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   bamBAM!! bang

    did the baby somehow crawl into the oven? damn childlocks don’t work like they used to.

    Mar 1, 2008 at 11:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Crash bang

      Only if you’re an adult…then they work fine…

      Mar 2, 2008 at 12:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Lauren

    That baby was fucking delicious.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 3:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Lurker

    1. Tristan is a tenor. A heldentenor, no less.He can’t help being flamboyant.

    2. I am totally stuffing a pillow up my shirt so I can do whatever I want and people will give me food and not mind me being a total shrew.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 9:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Hellbound Alleee

    Tristan is gay, and obviously much more intelligent than a roomie who puts cardboard in the oven. What a moron.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 6:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Quite Contrary

    Unlike Duncan, Tristan clearly didn’t lose interest in this project and saw it through its completion. Whaddya want to bet that he is still obsessing on it?

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Strepsi

    She’s gonna have a mean baby. A grammatically incorrect, obese-because-of-processed-pizza, mean, stupid baby.

    Mar 12, 2008 at 12:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Nick

    Yeah, I saw a pregnant girl eating a pizza last night. I thought she was going to throw the crust away and I almost lost an arm.

    I didn’t know she was saving it!! Lesson learned.

    Mar 13, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   andrew

    I’d be pissed off too if my name were Tristan

    Mar 14, 2008 at 11:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   forsoothsayer bang

    re note 2 – it makes me genuinely sad when someone with such poor grammar is allowed to breed.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 4:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   the womb that would birth a thousand excuses

    [...] bun — er, — pizza in the oven [...]

    Jul 8, 2008 at 10:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   BuyViagra

    yes! do you speak english? :)

    Jun 4, 2009 at 10:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Pentcelve

    Your blog is so interesting! I have subscribed on rss and I will read it regullary/

    Jul 2, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Undetspes

    Excellent blog! Very interesting themes. I will regularly read it.

    Jul 6, 2009 at 6:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   Wandering Seeker

    Who bakes their frozen pizzas on the cardboard? Isn’t that what pizza pans are for? And HOW do you leave that in the oven? How’s you get the pizza out?

    As for the second, it really is very dangerous to eat a pregnant woman’s food.We’re always hungry. If you take our food, we will cook you and eat you.

    Aug 25, 2009 at 10:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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