Oxford drama

March 2nd, 2008 · 132 comments

Our submitter found this glorious piece of work on the door to the common room at her Oxford University dorm. “The guy who left it was a 6’5 redheaded dude who wore cravats,” she says. “No one was gonna fuck with him.” (I don’t really understand the causality there, but I’m gonna let that one go.)

I will give Dustin this much, though: through the pain, he always tells the truth.

I broke a glass because I don't always know my own strength

related: come get some

FILED UNDER: college life · just an asshole · most popular notes of 2008 · signed with love · U.K. · warning


132 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    Don’t mess around with a cravat-wearin’ redhead.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:20 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   park rose bang

      A cravat-wearin’ redhead superhero, obviously.

      Mar 2, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   anglophile bang

      For the love of god, don’t let Dustin tend the rabbits!

      Mar 2, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 120  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   secondsout bang

      Awesome reference, anglophile. Thumbs-up to you!

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   anglophile bang

      Gee, thanks. I feel better now knowing 8th grade English didn’t go to waste! ;)

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Natalie Jo

      honestly….never F*ck with gingers, especially over the height of 6 feet.

      Feb 24, 2009 at 3:45 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   mmm

      i don’t get anglophiles reference of

      For the love of god, don’t let Dustin tend the rabbits!

      can someone please explain?!?!

      Apr 5, 2009 at 10:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   park rose

      Steinbeck. Of Mice and Men. She’s clever that way and we love her ♥

      Apr 5, 2009 at 12:21 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Canthz_B bang

      Lennie (Dustin) is big, strong and a bit dim-witted. He loves small animals, especially rabbits, but he tends to squeeze the life out of them.
      Maybe, mmm, you saw the Bugs Bunny cartoon… “I will hug him, and squeeze him and call him George!”?

      Apr 5, 2009 at 2:06 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   Anniee451

      Sinise and Malkovich were so awesome in the remake that I think it was better than the original. (Though I love Burgess Meredith.) I even think it’s as good as the book, which doesn’t happen often.

      And if any cats get near ‘dem rabbits, he’ll break ‘dem goddam cats’ necks!

      Apr 5, 2009 at 7:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   icpinksheep

      I think it’s “I will hug him and kiss him and call him Roger!”

      Jul 17, 2009 at 5:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Agargara

    The phrase “I would apologize, but I hate lying” is an excellent way to be cool and make lots of friends.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   park rose bang

    Oh, Dustin’s ennui is almost too much too bear…

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:29 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Troy McClure bang

    He broke a qlass?

    He has the energy to curve the tails of his “y”s round to the left, but when it comes to distinguishing his “g”s from “q”s, he loses interest in the project.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:36 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   park rose bang

      :)

      Mar 2, 2008 at 10:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   amy d bang

      Well, check out those “f”s, dude. What’s up with them? Too lazy to finish the cursive version?

      Mar 2, 2008 at 10:42 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Wade bang

      Despite the cravat caveat, Dustin deserves to be kicked in the qlass.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Juliet bang

      I like that the amount of time it took him to write the note is more than the amount of time to sweep up a bit of glass (as he already swept up some of it).

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Anniee451

      “He has the energy to curve the tails of his “y”s round to the left, but when it comes to distinguishing his “g”s from “q”s, he loses interest in the project.”

      Never question a large redhead in a cravat, you know?

      Apr 5, 2009 at 7:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   park rose bang

    Jean-Paul Sartre meets the Incredible Hulk.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Troy McClure bang

      You nailed him, Rose! I’m voting this comment for the next “Word!”

      Mar 2, 2008 at 11:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Writerrejected bang

      I don’t think we get to vote on that selection.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   secondsout bang

      Don’t get him existential. You wouldn’t like him if essence precedes existence.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:58 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Sarah bang

      secondsout wins.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 12:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   amy d bang

      Well, we can vote if we want to. It just doesn’t count, is all. ‘Cept to the voter and votee.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   jenechka

    he doesn’t want to apologize because he hates lying, but then why did he sign it as “love, dustin”? does he honestly love them?

    Mar 2, 2008 at 11:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   park rose bang

      Best Regards was another 5 letters and a space. Imagine the energy and commitment it would have taken to languidly scrawl that out :) .

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:48 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Troy McClure bang

      Park Rose half-heartedly attempted to count the letters in “Best Regards,” but soon lost interest in the project. ;-)

      Mar 3, 2008 at 2:17 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   park rose bang

      Saved my arse, Troy :lol: I got the space right, at least. Wonder where 5 came from…

      Mar 3, 2008 at 5:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   amy d bang

      Olivia Newton John does. :P

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   acennes

      I’m thinking it was more of a command. Like, “LOVE DUSTIN.” I mean, after all he’s Dustin from Room 1, and he’s 6’5, and he’s got red hair, and he wears a cravat…jesus.

      Mar 5, 2008 at 2:34 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   bradlea

      if it was a command, i do love dustin, i want his selectively lazy cravat-wearing nuts.

      what a strange image i have just created.

      Mar 5, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   Jako

      …you just destroyed my mind. I wish I’d never read that comment… But then, reading the comments is half the fun! So, downward!
      :D

      Jul 19, 2009 at 4:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   Sandi

      Of course! Because of his love, he’s protecting their tender toes from glass shards. Now THAT’S love!

      Aug 20, 2009 at 2:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Crash bang

    Wow…And that glass is behind a fire door too, I’m sure no one would actually pay attention to that note if there were a fire.
    Dustin might end up with some blood on his hands, but as long as he’s sorry it’s all good.

    This guy kicks ass though…
    love the honasty

    Mar 2, 2008 at 11:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Lurker

      Dustin might end up with some blood on his hands

      And feet…

      Mar 3, 2008 at 8:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   ALA bang

      Doesn’t everyone love a nasty ho, Crash?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   canadalicious

    “Wear shoes and play it safe” … isn’t that a given? It was at least where I lived when I went to school. If you wanted to walk around the common area/hallway, w/out your shoes on, proceed at your own risk. Who knows what was on that floor… dried up puke stains, probably some piss, and may some small little glass shards. You never knew.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   melissa

    I love the effort and time that went into the note. Clearly the composition of the note was a far more interesting project than cleaning up glass from the floor. I can see that.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:22 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Juliet bang

      Indeed! It was the better use of his time wasn’t it? ;-)

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   vimandvigor

    I half-heartedly attempted to comment, but soon lost interest in the project.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:38 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   julia

    Is it just me, or is this not the least bit passive aggressive?

    Actually, I dig this guy already and want to be his friend. Who doesn’t appreciate a bit of amusing honesty?

    Re: cravat:
    If his name is Colin Firth (and especially if he jumps into ponds fully clothed)… that cravat = dead sexy.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:40 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Troy McClure bang

      Colin Firth had a pretty good excuse for wearing a cravat, viz, acting in a period drama. I think that’s the key difference.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   zoe

      Are you kidding? One needs no excuse to wear a cravat. If I saw someone on the street sporting one, I’d probably buy them chocolates or something.

      Mar 4, 2008 at 9:30 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Better that Dustin left the glass shards on the floor once he’d lost interest in cleaning them up.
    He may have gotten angry with himself for making this mess in the first place and snapped the broomstick like a toothpick.

    Team Oxford athletic scholarships. :-)

    Mar 3, 2008 at 1:42 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    Apathy, thy name is Dustin.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 2:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Alison

    Wow, I think I love Dustin.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 4:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Toasty

    Hmm, i’m almost worried. what with living in Oxford and all… :-|

    Mar 3, 2008 at 5:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Hubbers

    What a twat

    Mar 3, 2008 at 7:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Agatha

      On a completely unrelated note, I was taking a train from New York City to Connecticut and there were four British guys on the same car. One of them was extremely drunk and acting like such and by the time the whole party got off the train, his friends were calling him all sorts of names that included the word “twat”. I was amused because I can’t remember the last time I heard someone use that word. Is using “twat” as an insult more common in the UK than in the US?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 10:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   hannah

      When i briefly lived stateside, the only people I heard use the word ‘twat’ as an insult were British. So yes, I’d say it was more common in the UK than the US.

      Mar 5, 2008 at 4:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   unholyghost2003 bang

    Maybe it is something with being a 6’5″ redhead and the type that might wear a cravat, but until I got to the signature I honestly wondered which one of the 3 6’5″ redheads I know who I could see wearing cravats (really DOES sound like any one of them) wrote this. I am now even MORE shocked to realize that clearly this is a TYPE and many such beasts roam the world.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 7:57 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Lurker

      Quick! Check Conan O’Brien’s dressing room for ascots!

      Mar 3, 2008 at 8:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Shane

      Tried checking Conan’s dressing room but my ascot caught!!!!!

      Wait for it……………You got it. I knew you would.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:26 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Lurker

    Y’know, I played it back in my mind in Hugh Grant’s voice, and rather than being pissed at Dustin I wanted to invite him home for a cuppa.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:12 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   claw71 bang

    Dustin’s the kind of guy who doesn’t stop at not crying over spilled milk, the gangly goober won’t even reach for the roll of Bounty on the counter. It’s disturbing because he’s not even existential about it. You could give him a pass if he has some Zen logic for leaving it the mess behind. It is not the glass that breaks, but your heart.

    Of course, it’s easy to lose interest when you come down from that emotional glass-smashing high.

    Other things Dustin might lose interest in:

    Ass Wiping…he’d apologize for smelling like shit but he hates lying.

    Toilet Flushing…if you lose interest in scraping out your ass crack pressing the lever is pointless.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:20 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   RALPHY

      Hey Claw–You know those comments were “rude, crude and socially unacceptable”. You sound like my kind of guy. Can we be friends?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 8:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   claw71 bang

      I’d say yes, but I hate lying.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 8:47 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   PixelPerfect

      I’m crushing on Claw now… *blushing*

      Mar 3, 2008 at 12:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Mishee bang

      claw once again I reiterate… it’s great to have you back.

      no one else can offend everyone on so MANY levels as you can do so effortlessly… you make it look so easy!

      keep it up good buddy….

      Mar 4, 2008 at 10:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   john

    he’s sure it will be cleaned up soon – just not by him.

    something tells me he gets away with this kind of crap all the time.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   L'Emmerdeur

    So he wrote a whole page on this to express how little he cares. Sounds very French Myspace emo (MonEspace?)

    Mar 3, 2008 at 9:06 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   claw71 bang

    It’s been bugging me that the note is so cryptic.
    …sometimes I get pissed off … then yadda yadda yadda, a glass gets broken and I don’t feel like cleaning it up? Not good enough, Dustin. You leave me no choice but to speculate:

    Does Dustin harbor latent rage over being a red headed step child?

    Is he insecure over the striking disproportionate relationship between his long, pasty legs and his tiny pink member, framed by a thin smattering of kinky red rocket pubes?

    Perhaps Dustin is perpetually angry because he is always the first person selected during pick up basketball only to play so poorly that teams opt to sit him out and finish games short-handed.

    Chances are Dustin was just angry because he had failed in bringing the delightful cravat back into fashion, just as his father and his father’s father before him had failed.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 9:48 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   GhostWriter bang

    boouiing-dadoinga-doinnnnnggghaaa-diiiinghaa-doooiiinnng
    note- that is the sound of Eastern sitar music…

    Swami: “Students, today we will identify the areas in our life where we feel the most powerful, and learn to grow these areas, and pull strength from them. Ashley, in what area do you feel strong?”

    Ashley: “Well, I am very optimistic- I can see the bright side of almost any situation…”

    Swami: “Excellent- we will work on that together. How about you, Eric?”

    Eric: “I am pretty good at mental math; you know, adding and subtracting things in my head…”

    Swami: “Very Good! What a powerful strength! We shall expand that. Now, how about you, Dustin?”

    Dustin: “Uhh, …what? I can’t even get into the lotus position… damn it!”

    Swami: ” Dustin, is there an area where you feel powerful or strong?”

    Dustin: “No, not really, in fact, I can’t really stay focused on even the simplest of tasks these days, which is why I am attending your seminar, Swami… I have no idea what I am strong in, and it’s pissing me off!”

    Swami: “Dustin, are you telling me that you do not know your own strength?”

    Dustin: “Yes, Swami- I just said that! damn!”
    [Dustin throws water glass against the wall]

    Swami: “Everybody stay relaxed.
    Now, did anybody wear their shoes to today’s session?”

    boouiing-dadoinga-doinnnnnggghaaa-diiiinghaa-doooiiinnng

    Mar 3, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   claw71 bang

    Maybe the submitter was intimidated by Dustin because he wore cravats and nothing else.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   GhostWriter bang

      Yeah- and guess where he wore it?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   claw71 bang

      I think we’d guess wrong. Remember people were intimidated. And it’s not because of size.

      The sad reality of red hair is that it results in genes that also contribute unfortunate freckling and an unusually pallid complexion. Some women can pull it off but red headed men too often look contagious. My guess is that people didn’t want to mess with Dustin because they fear catching what he has.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   KittyKat

      Claw, if he has a tiny pink member, as you so speculated, no one would be intimidated. Maybe he’s pissed because people won’t quit laughing?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   any may

    are we sure that dustin actually wrote this and that it’s not a P-A note TO dustin from someone with bleeding soles?

    Mar 3, 2008 at 10:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   secondsout bang

      Excellent point! Given that he’s 6’5″ and kinda scary, a passive-aggressive note might be a little more palatable than a face-to-face confrontation.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 12:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   claw71 bang

    To the tune of Leroy Brown:

    Well, the Oxford dormitory
    is a place where feet have bled
    And if you go in there
    you better best beware
    about man called Dustin Red

    Now Dustin, he tall guy
    he stands about 6 foot 5
    All the college ladies he call him pasty mother
    all the men just call him dork

    And he’s mad, mad, Dustin Red
    Maddest man skin like wonder bread
    Mad enough to break a glass
    and then he’ll sit right on his ass.

    Now Dustin, he wear cravats
    cause he like them fancy clothes
    And if the glasses break he takes a break
    and leaves everyone a note
    He won’t stoop to do the house work
    he won’t do no sweeping too
    Be careful he say when people play
    be sure to wear those indoor shoes

    And he’s mad, mad, Dustin Red
    Maddest man skin like wonder bread
    Mad enough to break a glass
    and then he’ll sit right on his ass

    Mar 3, 2008 at 10:42 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Maryssissy

      That was my very favorite comment yet! I love that song and your version does very well. It’s just a shame he didn’t get his comeuppance like Leroy did in the song. LOL

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Huh?

      That song parody *almost* healed the breakage in my heart that occurred upon reading that my sad reality of red hair is that it results in genes that also contribute unfortunate freckling and an unusually pallid complexion. Unusually pallid people, such as myself are sensit…..oh look, a woodpecker! It’s awfully pale looking. Anyway, I was sayi

      Mar 4, 2008 at 11:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Mishee bang

      I actually heard recently that Red Heads are in danger of becoming extinct if they don’t start procreating with each other soon. As soon as like 30 years from now… Dustin needs to ditch the cravat, clean up the glass, and go ask Lindsey Lohan out! (Possibly they could meet in rehab, her for drinking, and he because he doesn’t know his own strength; she likes those kinds of guys!)

      Mar 4, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Karen bang

    Don’t throw your glasses in a stone house, Dustin.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 11:10 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Writerrejected bang

    I make it a personal rule never to cross tall, glass-breaking carrot tops wearing neckerchiefs. I don’t think I have to tell you why.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 11:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   claw71 bang

      Set the scene circa 1881.

      A lone man rides into town. Tall and skinny to the point of being gaunt the pale rider draws stares from the fearful townies. Some wonder where he’s been, others wonder where he’s going, but nobody trusts him. In these parts there are only to kinds of men: those who take what they want and those have it taken from them.

      He dismounts his horse at the saloon. As he’s tying up his trusted steed, three ruffions seem to materialize on the dirt road between the rider and the saloon.

      “Where to you think yer goin’, stranger, ” the fat thug says, while his fingers dance on the heel of his ivory-handled Colt.

      The ghostly stranger says not a word, but looks the hooligans right in the eye, his frilly white cravat flitting whimsically in the hot breeze slitthering in from the wasteland to the west.

      Seeing something in the stranger’s eyes the fat man goes for his gun but it’s too late. The stranger is faster and from the holster next to his cod piece procures a tall water glass that he squeezes with tremendous force.

      Shard of glass explode into the air, blinding all three of the ruffions. They fall to the ground in pain. Bleeding from the eyes.

      As he walks past the men he so handily defeated the stranger glares. “I’d apologize,” he hisses through crooked teeth, “but I hate lying.”

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Lurker

      That story triggered an LSD-type flashback to Amada Blake’s preternaturally Technicolor hair as Miss Kitty in Gunsmoke. You never would have caught her man in a cravat, though.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   Writerrejected bang

      Started to read Claw’s post….but…..lost…..inter…..

      (Oh, gotta go, something better just came along.)

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   Karina

      I heard Clint Eastwood’s voice at the end there as Dustin.

      Nicely done

      Feb 15, 2009 at 4:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   Renagade676

      Wow. Now, other than being really tall HOW is Dustin intimidating again?

      Claw’s short story just made that absurd observation even more obvious.

      Nice job, Claw! Reading it made me spit pop out of my nose. Too bad I’m out of glasses….

      Oct 2, 2009 at 10:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Sarah bang

    All he needs is a blue ox.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 11:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   KittyKat

    What’s up with not cleaning up after yourself? Dustin’s mom needs to be slapped for raising such a worthless pig. Even my 9 year old would clean up a broken glass.

    Team I’m a mom, not a maid!

    Mar 3, 2008 at 11:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   GhostWriter bang

    Yeeeah, kids these days. Everything’s a “project” to them.
    Back in my day, we had real projects. Like the Manhattan project.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:06 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   well-played

    Wahoo, Vampire Weekend rocks! Too bad the note didn’t include any oxford commas — that woulda been *too* perfect. But the line “All your diction dripping with disdain” definitely applies here too. (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/vampireweekend/oxfordcomma.html)

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   secondsout bang

    You know what Dustin should do? Marry a Jewish girl! At least he’ll be good at the ceremony.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Erica C

    Why are the Brits so goddamned funny and suave? FUCK THEM.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Juliet

    This morning when I got to work there was broken glass on the floor behind the bar. I looked around for any super tall redheads and any notes left explaining why the glass wasn’t swept up, but didn’t find any. :-)

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   claw71 bang

    I’m going to send a note like this to everybody I owe something to.

    I started to make the car payment but I lost interest…I’m sure it will get paid soon. I’d apologize for any inconvenience but I hate lying.

    In that regard this note is like an Afroman ditty:

    I was gonna clean it up but then I got high…

    Mar 3, 2008 at 1:03 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   GhostWriter bang

    Bono and the crew say, “Hola!”

    Glass
    falls down, it busts
    The jumble on the floor – won’t sweep it up
    The clean-up’s so much harder than
    I thought – God knows I tried to follow through,
    but had to stop; my mind will wander

    Hello, hello…
    I had a glass, now where’d it go?
    It fell, I think- I wish it didn’t though
    Extra News: There are some things
    I can’t sweep, sweep

    The floor is full of shards
    Asshole! It rips my feet right through the sole
    I think the mess will all be cleaned up soon.
    You know my super strength – oh please! You know.

    I can’t stand to clean
    glass-on-floor projects
    The girl with crimson heels
    Swears “Jesus! What the Heck?”
    Lying ‘bout the pity
    Lying ‘bout the pity
    Whoooaaa
    Whoooaaa

    Hello, hello…
    I had a glass, now where’d it go?
    It fell, I think- I wish it didn’t though
    Extra News: There are some things
    I can’t sweep, sweep

    Mar 3, 2008 at 1:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   gambrinus

    I admit I had to look up what a cravat was. For some reason I thought it was some sort of shoe. Is this a popular current fashion in the UK?

    But to point out the obvious…it probably took longer to write the note than it would’ve to just clean up the glass.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   tragically mep bang

      But there are only two kinds of men: those who clean up after themselves and those who whine about doing it until someone else gives up and does it for them.

      Dustin falls into the second group.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   Quite Contrary

      And, based on that, Dustin is an excellent candidate for upper management of any major corporation.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 4:41 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Heidi

    I dont think that was Dustin that really wrote that. hahaha I think someome getting even.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Quite Contrary

    I wonder if I could get away with this approach to offload some of my work projects.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 4:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Canthz_B bang

    Dustin:
    Your Honor, I am truly sorry for trashing that bar. I don’t know my own strength and when I get angry I attack glassware.

    Judge:
    You are ordered to complete an anger management course and use plastic cups. You are further restrained from being within 50 feet of any glassware.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   posty

    He may be a lazy asshole, but damn I wish I had his handwriting. It’s pretty badass.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 6:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   bamBAM!! bang

    If he hates lying so much, why’d he sign it with love??

    Mar 3, 2008 at 6:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Khak

    I submit that possibly all the brooms and whatnot were locked up in some janitorial supply room or something and Dustin got tired of trying to clean it up with whatever ineffectual tools he had at hand.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 7:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   RALPHY

    Could this be a reincarnation of “Eric the Red” with a mentally incapacating loathing that he has to tie a string around his member to find it when he has to pee or is it just an ordinary rendition of Connan O’brian on an off night? Questions-questions and no real answers! Can’t we just all get along?

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   RALPHY

    Hey Jill–I think I love you! Can I have your baby???Oh crap-Well something like that. Never mind!

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   summer

    I want that font! Especially because of those f’s. Dustin is a complete asshole with a really small penis, huh?

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   Huh?

      Plus….he’s really FAT!! Right? Don’t forget that. It seems to be your motto.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 8:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #47.2   Summer

      My motto for you only.

      Mar 4, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #48   Costas

    He goes to Oxford and spells “apologise” with a “z”?!

    Mar 4, 2008 at 4:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   maurice

      Sure – we swing both ways at Oxford.

      Mar 4, 2008 at 5:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #49   Will4You

    My boyfriend leaves notes like this whenever he’s done something wrong. Perhaps this was meant to be funny? My boy would have finished cleaning up the big pieces though.

    Mar 4, 2008 at 9:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   Summer

      The little pieces are the most slivery and dangerous!!

      Mar 4, 2008 at 1:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #50   Mishee

    omg I just looked up cravat…

    wow. does this guy hang out with daphne and shaggy?

    no wait, that’s a neckerchief… nevermind.

    Mar 4, 2008 at 10:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   tanyetta

    Dustin for governor!

    Mar 4, 2008 at 1:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   Summer

    He’s like Javier Bardem in No Country, he should have signed the note, “Friendo”. psycho! Though an annoying/fake one who tries too hard to be scary and cool.

    Mar 4, 2008 at 1:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   Donna in Mid MIchigan

    Dustin,
    Don’t worry. I was motivated and cleaned up the glass shards you left on the floor. I put all the pieces for you in your bed sheets.

    Thanks,
    Roomie

    Mar 4, 2008 at 4:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   The Grammarphile

    This looks to be a fairly well-written passive-aggressive note. I always love to see semicolons used properly! (Yeah, I’m a nerd…)

    Mar 5, 2008 at 8:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #54.1   Clancy

      I know, right! I knew I couldn’t have been the only one impressed by his two beautifully connected independent clauses. I guess he lost interest in the full conjunction and resorted to a simple punctuation mark instead.

      Sep 3, 2009 at 2:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #55   Shelllley

    I am so glad he lost interest in the “project” and dedicated his time to this note because it made me laugh out loud. For real.
    Love this guy!

    Mar 7, 2008 at 5:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Olivia bang

    Oh my god! This one is HILARIOUS! I laughed SOOOOO hard!

    Also, everyone shouldn’t take this dude so seriously and call him an ass. I don’t think he’s a bad person (although I certainly understand why everyone is calling him a douche bag).

    Mar 11, 2008 at 11:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Hooray!

    ahhhh! 1hen i saw the name k was like “oxford drama sounds like oxford comma.”
    so i read it and BAM, “through the pain, he always tells the truth.”
    man… i love you guys.

    Apr 16, 2008 at 9:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   CB

    I mainly enjoyed the vampire weekend reference.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 6:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   static

    What an upperclass wanker…

    Nov 14, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   J

    someone’s been listenting to Vampire Weekend!

    Nov 25, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   untitled (broken glass)

    [...] related: oxford drama [...]

    Feb 6, 2009 at 12:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   Chris

    In the time it took to find a marker pen and piece of paper, he could have probably finished the clean-up ‘project’. Also, while his honesty is commendable, if he’s not sorry then the chances of him sincerely wishing to transmit to random strangers any love is most unlikely.

    Feb 15, 2009 at 2:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   phil the vampire slayer

    [...] related: oxford drama [...]

    Feb 23, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   phil the vampire slayer

    [...] related: oxford drama [...]

    Feb 23, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   on jamming

    [...] related: oxford drama [...]

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #66   on jamming

    [...] related: oxford drama [...]

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   clearly seeking his master’s in diplomacy

    [...] related: oxford drama [...]

    Jun 15, 2009 at 8:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #68   Xenobiologista

    Wow…I would have gone to his room and screamed at him until he cleaned it up, and I’m a 5’4″ girl. People who leave dangerous things lying around for other people to step on are jerks.

    If screaming didn’t work, I do have a bolo from the Philippines.

    Jun 16, 2009 at 12:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   christian

    I could have cleaned it full-heartedly in the time it has taken to pen this conceited missive, but given that I consider manual labour to be beneath me, I though it better to inform you that you’re living with a child. Love, Dustin.
    PS: I’m in Room 1 just in case you have a flamethrower to hand and are willing to do the decent thing and put me out of my misery because as this note proves I am a complete c***

    Jun 16, 2009 at 5:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #70   Ed

    Vampire Weekend?

    Oct 5, 2009 at 9:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #71   HugsandKisses101 bang

    I can relate to Dustin! Sometimes I don’t realize my own strength. I am known for breaking wine glasses while drying them…

    But I ALWAYS clean up broken glass thoroughly, even though it can be quite a project. (But, I was taught by my OCD dad how to do so, so maybe I make too much of it.)

    Ed- Vampire Weekend is a band with song called “Oxford Comma” (my favorite).

    Oct 10, 2009 at 7:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #72   Re: My "slaming [sic] the door" | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] idea of what it said based on the carefully worded response from the recipient, John (who, like Dustin, simply isn’t aware of his own strength at [...]

    Nov 11, 2010 at 3:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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