oxford drama

March 2nd, 2008 · 108 comments

our submitter found this glorious piece of work on the door to the common room at her oxford university dorm. “the guy who left it was a 6′5 redheaded dude who wore cravats,” she says. “no one was gonna fuck with him.” (don’t really understand the causality there, but i’m gonna let that one go.) i’ll give dustin this much: through the pain, he always tells the truth.

oxford drama

related: come get some

Tags: just an asshole · signed with love · u.k. · university · warning

108 responses so far ↓

  • #1  Grimfool_Reluctant

    Don’t mess around with a cravat-wearin’ redhead.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:20 pm   rating: +1  

    • #1.1  park rose

      A cravat-wearin’ redhead superhero, obviously.

      Mar 2, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.2  anglophile

      For the love of god, don’t let Dustin tend the rabbits!

      Mar 2, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: +7  

       
    • #1.3  secondsout

      Awesome reference, anglophile. Thumbs-up to you!

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #1.4  anglophile

      Gee, thanks. I feel better now knowing 8th grade English didn’t go to waste! ;)

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:50 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #2  Agargara

    The phrase “I would apologize, but I hate lying” is an excellent way to be cool and make lots of friends.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #3  park rose

    Oh, Dustin’s ennui is almost too much too bear…

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:29 pm   rating: +5  

     
  • #4  Troy McClure

    He broke a qlass?

    He has the energy to curve the tails of his “y”s round to the left, but when it comes to distinguishing his “g”s from “q”s, he loses interest in the project.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:36 pm   rating: +7  

    • #4.1  park rose

      :)

      Mar 2, 2008 at 10:37 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #4.2  amy d

      Well, check out those “f”s, dude. What’s up with them? Too lazy to finish the cursive version?

      Mar 2, 2008 at 10:42 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #4.3  Wade

      Despite the cravat caveat, Dustin deserves to be kicked in the qlass.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: +7  

       
    • #4.4  Juliet

      I like that the amount of time it took him to write the note is more than the amount of time to sweep up a bit of glass (as he already swept up some of it).

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #5  park rose

    Jean-Paul Sartre meets the Incredible Hulk.

    Mar 2, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: +12  

    • #5.1  Troy McClure

      You nailed him, Rose! I’m voting this comment for the next “Word!”

      Mar 2, 2008 at 11:10 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #5.2  Writerrejected

      I don’t think we get to vote on that selection.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:13 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #5.3  secondsout

      Don’t get him existential. You wouldn’t like him if essence precedes existence.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:58 am   rating: +5  

       
    • #5.4  Sarah

      secondsout wins.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 12:47 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #5.5  amy d

      Well, we can vote if we want to. It just doesn’t count, is all. ‘Cept to the voter and votee.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:01 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #6  jenechka

    he doesn’t want to apologize because he hates lying, but then why did he sign it as “love, dustin”? does he honestly love them?

    Mar 2, 2008 at 11:18 pm   rating: 0  

    • #6.1  park rose

      Best Regards was another 5 letters and a space. Imagine the energy and commitment it would have taken to languidly scrawl that out :) .

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:48 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #6.2  Troy McClure

      Park Rose half-heartedly attempted to count the letters in “Best Regards,” but soon lost interest in the project. ;-)

      Mar 3, 2008 at 2:17 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #6.3  park rose

      Saved my arse, Troy :lol: I got the space right, at least. Wonder where 5 came from…

      Mar 3, 2008 at 5:18 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #6.4  amy d

      Olivia Newton John does. :P

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #6.5  acennes

      I’m thinking it was more of a command. Like, “LOVE DUSTIN.” I mean, after all he’s Dustin from Room 1, and he’s 6′5, and he’s got red hair, and he wears a cravat…jesus.

      Mar 5, 2008 at 2:34 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #6.6  bradlea

      if it was a command, i do love dustin, i want his selectively lazy cravat-wearing nuts.

      what a strange image i have just created.

      Mar 5, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #7  Crash

    Wow…And that glass is behind a fire door too, I’m sure no one would actually pay attention to that note if there were a fire.
    Dustin might end up with some blood on his hands, but as long as he’s sorry it’s all good.

    This guy kicks ass though…
    love the honasty

    Mar 2, 2008 at 11:53 pm   rating: +1  

    • #7.1  Lurker

      Dustin might end up with some blood on his hands

      And feet…

      Mar 3, 2008 at 8:10 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #7.2  ALA

      Doesn’t everyone love a nasty ho, Crash?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #8  canadalicious

    “Wear shoes and play it safe” … isn’t that a given? It was at least where I lived when I went to school. If you wanted to walk around the common area/hallway, w/out your shoes on, proceed at your own risk. Who knows what was on that floor… dried up puke stains, probably some piss, and may some small little glass shards. You never knew.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:16 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #9  melissa

    I love the effort and time that went into the note. Clearly the composition of the note was a far more interesting project than cleaning up glass from the floor. I can see that.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:22 am   rating: +4  

    • #9.1  Juliet

      Indeed! It was the better use of his time wasn’t it? ;-)

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:10 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #10  vimandvigor

    I half-heartedly attempted to comment, but soon lost interest in the project.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:38 am   rating: +5  

     
  • #11  julia

    Is it just me, or is this not the least bit passive aggressive?

    Actually, I dig this guy already and want to be his friend. Who doesn’t appreciate a bit of amusing honesty?

    Re: cravat:
    If his name is Colin Firth (and especially if he jumps into ponds fully clothed)… that cravat = dead sexy.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 12:40 am   rating: +2  

    • #11.1  Troy McClure

      Colin Firth had a pretty good excuse for wearing a cravat, viz, acting in a period drama. I think that’s the key difference.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:23 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #11.2  zoe

      Are you kidding? One needs no excuse to wear a cravat. If I saw someone on the street sporting one, I’d probably buy them chocolates or something.

      Mar 4, 2008 at 9:30 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #12  Canthz_B

    Better that Dustin left the glass shards on the floor once he’d lost interest in cleaning them up.
    He may have gotten angry with himself for making this mess in the first place and snapped the broomstick like a toothpick.

    Team Oxford athletic scholarships. :-)

    Mar 3, 2008 at 1:42 am   rating: +3  

     
  • #13  Canthz_B

    Apathy, thy name is Dustin.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 2:01 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #14  Alison

    Wow, I think I love Dustin.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 4:20 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #15  Toasty

    Hmm, i’m almost worried. what with living in Oxford and all… :-|

    Mar 3, 2008 at 5:02 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #16  Hubbers

    What a twat

    Mar 3, 2008 at 7:56 am   rating: 0  

    • #16.1  Agatha

      On a completely unrelated note, I was taking a train from New York City to Connecticut and there were four British guys on the same car. One of them was extremely drunk and acting like such and by the time the whole party got off the train, his friends were calling him all sorts of names that included the word “twat”. I was amused because I can’t remember the last time I heard someone use that word. Is using “twat” as an insult more common in the UK than in the US?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 10:03 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #16.2  hannah

      When i briefly lived stateside, the only people I heard use the word ‘twat’ as an insult were British. So yes, I’d say it was more common in the UK than the US.

      Mar 5, 2008 at 4:25 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #17  unholyghost2003

    Maybe it is something with being a 6′5″ redhead and the type that might wear a cravat, but until I got to the signature I honestly wondered which one of the 3 6′5″ redheads I know who I could see wearing cravats (really DOES sound like any one of them) wrote this. I am now even MORE shocked to realize that clearly this is a TYPE and many such beasts roam the world.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 7:57 am   rating: +2  

    • #17.1  Lurker

      Quick! Check Conan O’Brien’s dressing room for ascots!

      Mar 3, 2008 at 8:14 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #17.2  Shane

      Tried checking Conan’s dressing room but my ascot caught!!!!!

      Wait for it……………You got it. I knew you would.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:26 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #18  Lurker

    Y’know, I played it back in my mind in Hugh Grant’s voice, and rather than being pissed at Dustin I wanted to invite him home for a cuppa.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:12 am   rating: +3  

     
  • #19  claw71

    Dustin’s the kind of guy who doesn’t stop at not crying over spilled milk, the gangly goober won’t even reach for the roll of Bounty on the counter. It’s disturbing because he’s not even existential about it. You could give him a pass if he has some Zen logic for leaving it the mess behind. It is not the glass that breaks, but your heart.

    Of course, it’s easy to lose interest when you come down from that emotional glass-smashing high.

    Other things Dustin might lose interest in:

    Ass Wiping…he’d apologize for smelling like shit but he hates lying.

    Toilet Flushing…if you lose interest in scraping out your ass crack pressing the lever is pointless.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:20 am   rating: +1  

    • #19.1  RALPHY

      Hey Claw–You know those comments were “rude, crude and socially unacceptable”. You sound like my kind of guy. Can we be friends?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 8:34 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #19.2  claw71

      I’d say yes, but I hate lying.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 8:47 am   rating: +5  

       
    • #19.3  PixelPerfect

      I’m crushing on Claw now… *blushing*

      Mar 3, 2008 at 12:51 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #19.4  Mishee

      claw once again I reiterate… it’s great to have you back.

      no one else can offend everyone on so MANY levels as you can do so effortlessly… you make it look so easy!

      keep it up good buddy….

      Mar 4, 2008 at 10:44 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #20  john

    he’s sure it will be cleaned up soon - just not by him.

    something tells me he gets away with this kind of crap all the time.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 8:47 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #21  L'Emmerdeur

    So he wrote a whole page on this to express how little he cares. Sounds very French Myspace emo (MonEspace?)

    Mar 3, 2008 at 9:06 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #22  claw71

    It’s been bugging me that the note is so cryptic.
    …sometimes I get pissed off … then yadda yadda yadda, a glass gets broken and I don’t feel like cleaning it up? Not good enough, Dustin. You leave me no choice but to speculate:

    Does Dustin harbor latent rage over being a red headed step child?

    Is he insecure over the striking disproportionate relationship between his long, pasty legs and his tiny pink member, framed by a thin smattering of kinky red rocket pubes?

    Perhaps Dustin is perpetually angry because he is always the first person selected during pick up basketball only to play so poorly that teams opt to sit him out and finish games short-handed.

    Chances are Dustin was just angry because he had failed in bringing the delightful cravat back into fashion, just as his father and his father’s father before him had failed.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 9:48 am   rating: +4  

     
  • #23  GhostWriter

    boouiing-dadoinga-doinnnnnggghaaa-diiiinghaa-doooiiinnng
    note- that is the sound of Eastern sitar music…

    Swami: “Students, today we will identify the areas in our life where we feel the most powerful, and learn to grow these areas, and pull strength from them. Ashley, in what area do you feel strong?”

    Ashley: “Well, I am very optimistic- I can see the bright side of almost any situation…”

    Swami: “Excellent- we will work on that together. How about you, Eric?”

    Eric: “I am pretty good at mental math; you know, adding and subtracting things in my head…”

    Swami: “Very Good! What a powerful strength! We shall expand that. Now, how about you, Dustin?”

    Dustin: “Uhh, …what? I can’t even get into the lotus position… damn it!”

    Swami: ” Dustin, is there an area where you feel powerful or strong?”

    Dustin: “No, not really, in fact, I can’t really stay focused on even the simplest of tasks these days, which is why I am attending your seminar, Swami… I have no idea what I am strong in, and it’s pissing me off!”

    Swami: “Dustin, are you telling me that you do not know your own strength?”

    Dustin: “Yes, Swami- I just said that! damn!”
    [Dustin throws water glass against the wall]

    Swami: “Everybody stay relaxed.
    Now, did anybody wear their shoes to today’s session?”

    boouiing-dadoinga-doinnnnnggghaaa-diiiinghaa-doooiiinnng

    Mar 3, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: +4  

     
  • #24  claw71

    Maybe the submitter was intimidated by Dustin because he wore cravats and nothing else.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: +1  

    • #24.1  GhostWriter

      Yeah- and guess where he wore it?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:07 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #24.2  claw71

      I think we’d guess wrong. Remember people were intimidated. And it’s not because of size.

      The sad reality of red hair is that it results in genes that also contribute unfortunate freckling and an unusually pallid complexion. Some women can pull it off but red headed men too often look contagious. My guess is that people didn’t want to mess with Dustin because they fear catching what he has.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #24.3  KittyKat

      Claw, if he has a tiny pink member, as you so speculated, no one would be intimidated. Maybe he’s pissed because people won’t quit laughing?

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:47 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #25  any may

    are we sure that dustin actually wrote this and that it’s not a P-A note TO dustin from someone with bleeding soles?

    Mar 3, 2008 at 10:29 am   rating: 0  

    • #25.1  secondsout

      Excellent point! Given that he’s 6′5″ and kinda scary, a passive-aggressive note might be a little more palatable than a face-to-face confrontation.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 12:04 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #26  claw71

    To the tune of Leroy Brown:

    Well, the Oxford dormitory
    is a place where feet have bled
    And if you go in there
    you better best beware
    about man called Dustin Red

    Now Dustin, he tall guy
    he stands about 6 foot 5
    All the college ladies he call him pasty mother
    all the men just call him dork

    And he’s mad, mad, Dustin Red
    Maddest man skin like wonder bread
    Mad enough to break a glass
    and then he’ll sit right on his ass.

    Now Dustin, he wear cravats
    cause he like them fancy clothes
    And if the glasses break he takes a break
    and leaves everyone a note
    He won’t stoop to do the house work
    he won’t do no sweeping too
    Be careful he say when people play
    be sure to wear those indoor shoes

    And he’s mad, mad, Dustin Red
    Maddest man skin like wonder bread
    Mad enough to break a glass
    and then he’ll sit right on his ass

    Mar 3, 2008 at 10:42 am   rating: +4  

    • #26.1  Maryssissy

      That was my very favorite comment yet! I love that song and your version does very well. It’s just a shame he didn’t get his comeuppance like Leroy did in the song. LOL

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:27 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #26.2  Huh?

      That song parody *almost* healed the breakage in my heart that occurred upon reading that my sad reality of red hair is that it results in genes that also contribute unfortunate freckling and an unusually pallid complexion. Unusually pallid people, such as myself are sensit…..oh look, a woodpecker! It’s awfully pale looking. Anyway, I was sayi

      Mar 4, 2008 at 11:16 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #26.3  Mishee

      I actually heard recently that Red Heads are in danger of becoming extinct if they don’t start procreating with each other soon. As soon as like 30 years from now… Dustin needs to ditch the cravat, clean up the glass, and go ask Lindsey Lohan out! (Possibly they could meet in rehab, her for drinking, and he because he doesn’t know his own strength; she likes those kinds of guys!)

      Mar 4, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #27  Karen

    Don’t throw your glasses in a stone house, Dustin.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 11:10 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #28  Writerrejected

    I make it a personal rule never to cross tall, glass-breaking carrot tops wearing neckerchiefs. I don’t think I have to tell you why.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 11:16 am   rating: 0  

    • #28.1  claw71

      Set the scene circa 1881.

      A lone man rides into town. Tall and skinny to the point of being gaunt the pale rider draws stares from the fearful townies. Some wonder where he’s been, others wonder where he’s going, but nobody trusts him. In these parts there are only to kinds of men: those who take what they want and those have it taken from them.

      He dismounts his horse at the saloon. As he’s tying up his trusted steed, three ruffions seem to materialize on the dirt road between the rider and the saloon.

      “Where to you think yer goin’, stranger, ” the fat thug says, while his fingers dance on the heel of his ivory-handled Colt.

      The ghostly stranger says not a word, but looks the hooligans right in the eye, his frilly white cravat flitting whimsically in the hot breeze slitthering in from the wasteland to the west.

      Seeing something in the stranger’s eyes the fat man goes for his gun but it’s too late. The stranger is faster and from the holster next to his cod piece procures a tall water glass that he squeezes with tremendous force.

      Shard of glass explode into the air, blinding all three of the ruffions. They fall to the ground in pain. Bleeding from the eyes.

      As he walks past the men he so handily defeated the stranger glares. “I’d apologize,” he hisses through crooked teeth, “but I hate lying.”

      Mar 3, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #28.2  Lurker

      That story triggered an LSD-type flashback to Amada Blake’s preternaturally Technicolor hair as Miss Kitty in Gunsmoke. You never would have caught her man in a cravat, though.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  

       
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