Our submitter found this glorious piece of work on the door to the common room at her Oxford University dorm. “The guy who left it was a 6′5 redheaded dude who wore cravats,” she says. “No one was gonna fuck with him.” (I don’t really understand the causality there, but I’m gonna let that one go.)
I will give Dustin this much, though: through the pain, he always tells the truth.
related: come get some
134 responses so far ↓
#1
Grimfool_Reluctant
Don’t mess around with a cravat-wearin’ redhead.
Mar 2, 2008 at 10:20 pm rating: +11
#2
Agargara
The phrase “I would apologize, but I hate lying” is an excellent way to be cool and make lots of friends.
Mar 2, 2008 at 10:27 pm rating: +44
#3
park rose
Oh, Dustin’s ennui is almost too much too bear…
Mar 2, 2008 at 10:29 pm rating: +19
#4
Troy McClure
He broke a qlass?
He has the energy to curve the tails of his “y”s round to the left, but when it comes to distinguishing his “g”s from “q”s, he loses interest in the project.
Mar 2, 2008 at 10:36 pm rating: +47
#5
park rose
Jean-Paul Sartre meets the Incredible Hulk.
Mar 2, 2008 at 10:53 pm rating: +58
#6
jenechka
he doesn’t want to apologize because he hates lying, but then why did he sign it as “love, dustin”? does he honestly love them?
Mar 2, 2008 at 11:18 pm rating: +5
#7
Crash
Wow…And that glass is behind a fire door too, I’m sure no one would actually pay attention to that note if there were a fire.
Dustin might end up with some blood on his hands, but as long as he’s sorry it’s all good.
This guy kicks ass though…
love the honasty
Mar 2, 2008 at 11:53 pm rating: +1
#8
canadalicious
“Wear shoes and play it safe” … isn’t that a given? It was at least where I lived when I went to school. If you wanted to walk around the common area/hallway, w/out your shoes on, proceed at your own risk. Who knows what was on that floor… dried up puke stains, probably some piss, and may some small little glass shards. You never knew.
Mar 3, 2008 at 12:16 am rating: +2
#9
melissa
I love the effort and time that went into the note. Clearly the composition of the note was a far more interesting project than cleaning up glass from the floor. I can see that.
Mar 3, 2008 at 12:22 am rating: +12
#10
vimandvigor
I half-heartedly attempted to comment, but soon lost interest in the project.
Mar 3, 2008 at 12:38 am rating: +14
#11
julia
Is it just me, or is this not the least bit passive aggressive?
Actually, I dig this guy already and want to be his friend. Who doesn’t appreciate a bit of amusing honesty?
Re: cravat:
If his name is Colin Firth (and especially if he jumps into ponds fully clothed)… that cravat = dead sexy.
Mar 3, 2008 at 12:40 am rating: +9
#12
Canthz_B
Better that Dustin left the glass shards on the floor once he’d lost interest in cleaning them up.
He may have gotten angry with himself for making this mess in the first place and snapped the broomstick like a toothpick.
Team Oxford athletic scholarships.
Mar 3, 2008 at 1:42 am rating: +10
#13
Canthz_B
Apathy, thy name is Dustin.
Mar 3, 2008 at 2:01 am rating: +3
#14
Alison
Wow, I think I love Dustin.
Mar 3, 2008 at 4:20 am rating: +2
#15
Toasty
Hmm, i’m almost worried. what with living in Oxford and all…
Mar 3, 2008 at 5:02 am rating: 0
#16
Hubbers
What a twat
Mar 3, 2008 at 7:56 am rating: +3
#17
unholyghost2003
Maybe it is something with being a 6′5″ redhead and the type that might wear a cravat, but until I got to the signature I honestly wondered which one of the 3 6′5″ redheads I know who I could see wearing cravats (really DOES sound like any one of them) wrote this. I am now even MORE shocked to realize that clearly this is a TYPE and many such beasts roam the world.
Mar 3, 2008 at 7:57 am rating: +6
#18
Lurker
Y’know, I played it back in my mind in Hugh Grant’s voice, and rather than being pissed at Dustin I wanted to invite him home for a cuppa.
Mar 3, 2008 at 8:12 am rating: +9
#19
claw71
Dustin’s the kind of guy who doesn’t stop at not crying over spilled milk, the gangly goober won’t even reach for the roll of Bounty on the counter. It’s disturbing because he’s not even existential about it. You could give him a pass if he has some Zen logic for leaving it the mess behind. It is not the glass that breaks, but your heart.
Of course, it’s easy to lose interest when you come down from that emotional glass-smashing high.
Other things Dustin might lose interest in:
Ass Wiping…he’d apologize for smelling like shit but he hates lying.
Toilet Flushing…if you lose interest in scraping out your ass crack pressing the lever is pointless.
Mar 3, 2008 at 8:20 am rating: +6
#20
john
he’s sure it will be cleaned up soon – just not by him.
something tells me he gets away with this kind of crap all the time.
Mar 3, 2008 at 8:47 am rating: +4
#21
L'Emmerdeur
So he wrote a whole page on this to express how little he cares. Sounds very French Myspace emo (MonEspace?)
Mar 3, 2008 at 9:06 am rating: +7
#22
claw71
It’s been bugging me that the note is so cryptic.
…sometimes I get pissed off … then yadda yadda yadda, a glass gets broken and I don’t feel like cleaning it up? Not good enough, Dustin. You leave me no choice but to speculate:
Does Dustin harbor latent rage over being a red headed step child?
Is he insecure over the striking disproportionate relationship between his long, pasty legs and his tiny pink member, framed by a thin smattering of kinky red rocket pubes?
Perhaps Dustin is perpetually angry because he is always the first person selected during pick up basketball only to play so poorly that teams opt to sit him out and finish games short-handed.
Chances are Dustin was just angry because he had failed in bringing the delightful cravat back into fashion, just as his father and his father’s father before him had failed.
Mar 3, 2008 at 9:48 am rating: +16
#23
GhostWriter
boouiing-dadoinga-doinnnnnggghaaa-diiiinghaa-doooiiinnng
note- that is the sound of Eastern sitar music…
Swami: “Students, today we will identify the areas in our life where we feel the most powerful, and learn to grow these areas, and pull strength from them. Ashley, in what area do you feel strong?”
Ashley: “Well, I am very optimistic- I can see the bright side of almost any situation…”
Swami: “Excellent- we will work on that together. How about you, Eric?”
Eric: “I am pretty good at mental math; you know, adding and subtracting things in my head…”
Swami: “Very Good! What a powerful strength! We shall expand that. Now, how about you, Dustin?”
Dustin: “Uhh, …what? I can’t even get into the lotus position… damn it!”
Swami: ” Dustin, is there an area where you feel powerful or strong?”
Dustin: “No, not really, in fact, I can’t really stay focused on even the simplest of tasks these days, which is why I am attending your seminar, Swami… I have no idea what I am strong in, and it’s pissing me off!”
Swami: “Dustin, are you telling me that you do not know your own strength?”
Dustin: “Yes, Swami- I just said that! damn!”
[Dustin throws water glass against the wall]
Swami: “Everybody stay relaxed.
Now, did anybody wear their shoes to today’s session?”
boouiing-dadoinga-doinnnnnggghaaa-diiiinghaa-doooiiinnng
Mar 3, 2008 at 9:50 am rating: +12
#24
claw71
Maybe the submitter was intimidated by Dustin because he wore cravats and nothing else.
Mar 3, 2008 at 10:03 am rating: +1
#25
any may
are we sure that dustin actually wrote this and that it’s not a P-A note TO dustin from someone with bleeding soles?
Mar 3, 2008 at 10:29 am rating: +2
#26
claw71
To the tune of Leroy Brown:
Well, the Oxford dormitory
is a place where feet have bled
And if you go in there
you better best beware
about man called Dustin Red
Now Dustin, he tall guy
he stands about 6 foot 5
All the college ladies he call him pasty mother
all the men just call him dork
And he’s mad, mad, Dustin Red
Maddest man skin like wonder bread
Mad enough to break a glass
and then he’ll sit right on his ass.
Now Dustin, he wear cravats
cause he like them fancy clothes
And if the glasses break he takes a break
and leaves everyone a note
He won’t stoop to do the house work
he won’t do no sweeping too
Be careful he say when people play
be sure to wear those indoor shoes
And he’s mad, mad, Dustin Red
Maddest man skin like wonder bread
Mad enough to break a glass
and then he’ll sit right on his ass
Mar 3, 2008 at 10:42 am rating: +9
#27
Karen
Don’t throw your glasses in a stone house, Dustin.
Mar 3, 2008 at 11:10 am rating: +4
#28
Writerrejected
I make it a personal rule never to cross tall, glass-breaking carrot tops wearing neckerchiefs. I don’t think I have to tell you why.
Mar 3, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 0
#29
Sarah
All he needs is a blue ox.
Mar 3, 2008 at 11:22 am rating: 0
#30
KittyKat
What’s up with not cleaning up after yourself? Dustin’s mom needs to be slapped for raising such a worthless pig. Even my 9 year old would clean up a broken glass.
Team I’m a mom, not a maid!
Mar 3, 2008 at 11:51 am rating: +1
#31
GhostWriter
Yeeeah, kids these days. Everything’s a “project” to them.
Back in my day, we had real projects. Like the Manhattan project.
Mar 3, 2008 at 12:06 pm rating: +11
#32
well-played
Wahoo, Vampire Weekend rocks! Too bad the note didn’t include any oxford commas — that woulda been *too* perfect. But the line “All your diction dripping with disdain” definitely applies here too. (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/vampireweekend/oxfordcomma.html)
Mar 3, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: 0
#33
secondsout
You know what Dustin should do? Marry a Jewish girl! At least he’ll be good at the ceremony.
Mar 3, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: +2
#34
Erica C
Why are the Brits so goddamned funny and suave? FUCK THEM.
Mar 3, 2008 at 12:12 pm rating: +2
#35
Juliet
This morning when I got to work there was broken glass on the floor behind the bar. I looked around for any super tall redheads and any notes left explaining why the glass wasn’t swept up, but didn’t find any.
Mar 3, 2008 at 12:48 pm rating: +1
#36
claw71
I’m going to send a note like this to everybody I owe something to.
I started to make the car payment but I lost interest…I’m sure it will get paid soon. I’d apologize for any inconvenience but I hate lying.
In that regard this note is like an Afroman ditty:
I was gonna clean it up but then I got high…
Mar 3, 2008 at 1:03 pm rating: +5
#37
GhostWriter
Bono and the crew say, “Hola!”
Glass
falls down, it busts
The jumble on the floor – won’t sweep it up
The clean-up’s so much harder than
I thought – God knows I tried to follow through,
but had to stop; my mind will wander
Hello, hello…
I had a glass, now where’d it go?
It fell, I think- I wish it didn’t though
Extra News: There are some things
I can’t sweep, sweep
The floor is full of shards
Asshole! It rips my feet right through the sole
I think the mess will all be cleaned up soon.
You know my super strength – oh please! You know.
I can’t stand to clean
glass-on-floor projects
The girl with crimson heels
Swears “Jesus! What the Heck?”
Lying ‘bout the pity
Lying ‘bout the pity
Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa
Hello, hello…
I had a glass, now where’d it go?
It fell, I think- I wish it didn’t though
Extra News: There are some things
I can’t sweep, sweep
Mar 3, 2008 at 1:45 pm rating: +5
#38
gambrinus
I admit I had to look up what a cravat was. For some reason I thought it was some sort of shoe. Is this a popular current fashion in the UK?
But to point out the obvious…it probably took longer to write the note than it would’ve to just clean up the glass.
Mar 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm rating: 0
#39
Heidi
I dont think that was Dustin that really wrote that. hahaha I think someome getting even.
Mar 3, 2008 at 4:42 pm rating: +1
#40
Quite Contrary
I wonder if I could get away with this approach to offload some of my work projects.
Mar 3, 2008 at 4:43 pm rating: +1
#41
Canthz_B
Dustin:
Your Honor, I am truly sorry for trashing that bar. I don’t know my own strength and when I get angry I attack glassware.
Judge:
You are ordered to complete an anger management course and use plastic cups. You are further restrained from being within 50 feet of any glassware.
Mar 3, 2008 at 4:56 pm rating: +3
#42
posty
He may be a lazy asshole, but damn I wish I had his handwriting. It’s pretty badass.
Mar 3, 2008 at 6:16 pm rating: +4
#43
bamBAM!!
If he hates lying so much, why’d he sign it with love??
Mar 3, 2008 at 6:56 pm rating: 0
#44
Khak
I submit that possibly all the brooms and whatnot were locked up in some janitorial supply room or something and Dustin got tired of trying to clean it up with whatever ineffectual tools he had at hand.
Mar 3, 2008 at 7:53 pm rating: +1
#45
RALPHY
Could this be a reincarnation of “Eric the Red” with a mentally incapacating loathing that he has to tie a string around his member to find it when he has to pee or is it just an ordinary rendition of Connan O’brian on an off night? Questions-questions and no real answers! Can’t we just all get along?
Mar 3, 2008 at 8:17 pm rating: 0
#46 Oh, I needed that « Jill’s Place
[...] the day, I decided to take a break from my project of the moment to give my brain a rest. I went to PAN, and I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. [...]
Mar 3, 2008 at 8:28 pm rating: 0
#47
summer
I want that font! Especially because of those f’s. Dustin is a complete asshole with a really small penis, huh?
Mar 3, 2008 at 8:45 pm rating: 0
#48
Costas
He goes to Oxford and spells “apologise” with a “z”?!
Mar 4, 2008 at 4:07 am rating: +1
#49
Will4You
My boyfriend leaves notes like this whenever he’s done something wrong. Perhaps this was meant to be funny? My boy would have finished cleaning up the big pieces though.
Mar 4, 2008 at 9:17 am rating: 0
#50
Mishee
omg I just looked up cravat…
wow. does this guy hang out with daphne and shaggy?
no wait, that’s a neckerchief… nevermind.
Mar 4, 2008 at 10:35 am rating: +1
#51
tanyetta
Dustin for governor!
Mar 4, 2008 at 1:07 pm rating: 0
#52
Summer
He’s like Javier Bardem in No Country, he should have signed the note, “Friendo”. psycho! Though an annoying/fake one who tries too hard to be scary and cool.
Mar 4, 2008 at 1:08 pm rating: 0
#53
Donna in Mid MIchigan
Dustin,
Don’t worry. I was motivated and cleaned up the glass shards you left on the floor. I put all the pieces for you in your bed sheets.
Thanks,
Roomie
Mar 4, 2008 at 4:02 pm rating: +6
#54 Passive Aggressive Fame « Sassafras Junction
[...] http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/03/02/oxford-drama/ Published in: [...]
Mar 5, 2008 at 7:26 pm rating: 0
#55
The Grammarphile
This looks to be a fairly well-written passive-aggressive note. I always love to see semicolons used properly! (Yeah, I’m a nerd…)
Mar 5, 2008 at 8:45 pm rating: +1
#56
Shelllley
I am so glad he lost interest in the “project” and dedicated his time to this note because it made me laugh out loud. For real.
Love this guy!
Mar 7, 2008 at 5:06 pm rating: 0
#57
Olivia
Oh my god! This one is HILARIOUS! I laughed SOOOOO hard!
Also, everyone shouldn’t take this dude so seriously and call him an ass. I don’t think he’s a bad person (although I certainly understand why everyone is calling him a douche bag).
Mar 11, 2008 at 11:24 pm rating: 0
#58 Ian in the Tubes! » Blog Archive » Passive Aggressive Notes (.com)
[...] http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/03/02/oxford-drama/ [...]
Apr 5, 2008 at 2:47 pm rating: 0
#59
Hooray!
ahhhh! 1hen i saw the name k was like “oxford drama sounds like oxford comma.”
so i read it and BAM, “through the pain, he always tells the truth.”
man… i love you guys.
Apr 16, 2008 at 9:08 pm rating: +2
#60
CB
I mainly enjoyed the vampire weekend reference.
Nov 11, 2008 at 6:50 pm rating: 0
#61
static
What an upperclass wanker…
Nov 14, 2008 at 11:18 am rating: 0
#62
J
someone’s been listenting to Vampire Weekend!
Nov 25, 2008 at 11:08 am rating: 0
#63 untitled (broken glass)
[...] related: oxford drama [...]
Feb 6, 2009 at 12:34 pm rating: 0
#64
Chris
In the time it took to find a marker pen and piece of paper, he could have probably finished the clean-up ‘project’. Also, while his honesty is commendable, if he’s not sorry then the chances of him sincerely wishing to transmit to random strangers any love is most unlikely.
Feb 15, 2009 at 2:42 pm rating: 0
#65 phil the vampire slayer
[...] related: oxford drama [...]
Feb 23, 2009 at 12:00 pm rating: 0
#66 phil the vampire slayer
[...] related: oxford drama [...]
Feb 23, 2009 at 12:00 pm rating: 0
#67 on jamming
[...] related: oxford drama [...]
Apr 1, 2009 at 12:02 pm rating: 0
#68 on jamming
[...] related: oxford drama [...]
Apr 1, 2009 at 12:02 pm rating: 0
#69 clearly seeking his master’s in diplomacy
[...] related: oxford drama [...]
Jun 15, 2009 at 8:00 am rating: 0
#70
Xenobiologista
Wow…I would have gone to his room and screamed at him until he cleaned it up, and I’m a 5′4″ girl. People who leave dangerous things lying around for other people to step on are jerks.
If screaming didn’t work, I do have a bolo from the Philippines.
Jun 16, 2009 at 12:08 am rating: +2
#71
christian
I could have cleaned it full-heartedly in the time it has taken to pen this conceited missive, but given that I consider manual labour to be beneath me, I though it better to inform you that you’re living with a child. Love, Dustin.
PS: I’m in Room 1 just in case you have a flamethrower to hand and are willing to do the decent thing and put me out of my misery because as this note proves I am a complete c***
Jun 16, 2009 at 5:07 am rating: +2
#72
Ed
Vampire Weekend?
Oct 5, 2009 at 9:09 pm rating: 0
#73
HugsandKisses101
I can relate to Dustin! Sometimes I don’t realize my own strength. I am known for breaking wine glasses while drying them…
But I ALWAYS clean up broken glass thoroughly, even though it can be quite a project. (But, I was taught by my OCD dad how to do so, so maybe I make too much of it.)
Ed- Vampire Weekend is a band with song called “Oxford Comma” (my favorite).
Oct 10, 2009 at 7:34 pm rating: 0
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