before i pass out, i bring you a few of my favorite more-aggressive-than-passive notes from the music clubs of austin.
first, from the scoot inn…
more bouncer sass from (i think) beerland…
and lastly, from emo’s…
related: i used to be your biggest fan
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FILED UNDER: austin · ice · money
— Canthz_B
"customer service" "helpful" advice a little patronizing actually totally reasonable all-staff e-mail anthropomorphism austin australia bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach boston brooklyn california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe confusion??? crazypants d.c. dishes dogs e-mail ellipses-crazed etiquette ex drama excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family florida food frenemies garbage group bitchfest guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene illinois irregular capitalization jesus kids kitchen london los angeles martyr complex massachusetts mean girls meta michigan microwave moms & dads money more aggressive than passive music neighbors new york noise north carolina not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh no you didn't oh snap old folks p.s. parking piss pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell rhetorical question roommates saga san francisco sarcasm seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley spelling and grammar police stealing texas thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting TLDR toilet touching u.k. university unnecessary "quotation marks" unsolicited feedback virginia visual aids whiteboard wtf? you call that punctuation?
89 responses so far ↓
#1
Questionnert
My, my. I don’t think I want to “Come In”. There might be friendlier places down the street.
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:21 am rating: +2
#2
leelou
There’s something so charming about the lower note: something cutesy and pandering. I guess I *will* keep my fingies out of ice…if I knew which body part fingies were.
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:23 am rating: +2
#3
park rose
Well I’ll be damned. Who knew that shitbirds could count?
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:39 am rating: +1
#4
claw71
Two dollars isn’t so cheap when there’s a good chance my ice will have sweaty ass residue on it. I wasn’t really comfortable with the place anyway. Why is come in in quotation marks? Is this some sort of “euphemism”
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:44 am rating: +1
#5
MJaz
Sign 1 started out so well.. then they had to toss in the little wizard, but I guess I can live with that. What blew it though is the use of the words “bean-counters” and “cheap charlie”. Those two lame insults sound like something my grandpa would have said – or maybe the dad on My Three Sons.
Why do I get the idea that this “club” is a haven for 40 year old World of Warcraft fans, who still live in their mom’s basements and drive gremlins?
(And, yeah, dude – two bucks is a big “chunk of change” when you don’t have a job!)
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:49 am rating: +1
#6
fantasy
” Cheap-Charlie Turdsickles”! Those are sooo delicious!
I can imagine all the “Bean-counting Shitbirds” will be wearing unitards!!!!
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:57 am rating: 0
#7
RALPHY
I got to ask myself-Do I really want to pay $2.00 to be insulted and eat the frozen sweat off some guys balls? Hell, I can be insulted for free at home and I sure can do without the tainted ice. This old over-40World of Warcraft fan is going to move it a little further on down the line folks. Hummm-basements and gremlins. Maybe I should rethink my life’s choices.
Just saying——
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:07 am rating: 0
#8
Stacy
Those are great. At least they’re not pulling any punches, for fear of *offending* somebody. I love Austin. Home sweet home.
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:21 am rating: 0
#9
Lurker
All glory to the Two-Dolla-Wizzid!
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:23 am rating: 0
#10
claw71
http://www.meshsf.com/blog3/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/two_dollars_BOD.jpg
You always worry about what might become of those child stars.
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:31 am rating: 0
#11
jenechka
“Bean counting shitbirds”, “Cheap-Charlie Turdsickles”? Was the author of the note born in the 20’s?
Mar 14, 2008 at 8:08 am rating: 0
#12
Voca Popula
Two dollars, okay, that’s pretty cheap, but two wizard dollars?!? Who would risk carrying that much cash around with them? I sure wouldn’t.
Mar 14, 2008 at 8:30 am rating: +7
#13
inothernews
Also one for the Excessive Quotation Marks blog!
Mar 14, 2008 at 8:44 am rating: 0
#14
claw71
I wish we could have had Cheap Charlie Turdsicles when I was a kid. We were poor so we had to settle for the store brand.
Let me tell you something, IGA’s Poop Pops and Valu-Time’s Crap on a Stick weren’t nearly as good. You never saw chunks of corn in Cheap Charlie’s Turdsicles. Poppy Seeds on occasion but never corn.
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:00 am rating: +10
#15
KittyKat
I like it! Sounds like my kind of place. I wonder if they would take the $2 in quarters, because at my job as a waitress, somebody left me $2 in quarters as a tip (you know who you are GW!)
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:37 am rating: 0
#16
Writerrejected
But if you really think about it, people who have to think about it really are suck-ass.
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:38 am rating: +3
#17
Writerrejected
I mean that for people who have to “think about it,” too.
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:38 am rating: +2
#18
portorikan
ahhh, that nice texas hospitality.
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:54 am rating: 0
#19
Centaurea
That wizard has +5 smiting abilities on your fingies.
Mar 14, 2008 at 10:20 am rating: +6
#20
doeseatoats
I really don’t think he should be trash talking the shitbirds like that. Every week I go to the park with my bag of bread crumbs and feed my little avian friends – they are tame as can be. Now I haven’t actually seen the bean-counting variety, but I’m betting if they’re anything like the common shitbird, they are worthy of more respect than that. I’ll take my $2 elsewhere.
Mar 14, 2008 at 10:26 am rating: 0
#21
claw71
Wasn’t Eric Clapton in the Shitbirds?
Mar 14, 2008 at 10:32 am rating: 0
#22
AnimalAndy
You persnickety swackwalligans! The American Shitbird faces extinction and you squabble over these signs! It’s time to act!
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:05 am rating: +3
#23
unholyghost2003
Along the lines of what Voca Popula said, Sign one becomes a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. I am the sort of person who would have her $2 American clutched in a sweaty palm along with my ID … up until the point when I saw the sign with the Wizard on it. Even if the sign JUST had a wizard drawn on it I wouldn’t be thrown BUT the drawing is then LABELED “Wizard.”
Seeing this sign would cause me to stop, think about it, turn to my friends and ask “What the fuck are WIZARD dollars? Where do we GET wizard dollars? CAN we even get wizard dollars? Will they take regular cash?” By this point the staff has started calling us “Suck ass bean-counting shit birds” and “Cheap Charlie turdsicles” and we would just move on.
WAY TO LOSE MONEY Club one!
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:21 am rating: +4
#24
Sarah
“Come Together”, destroyed and reassembled:
Here come the suckass, he come to the doorway
He don’t got two dollars, he one dirty shitbird
He asks his friends, but then, you’ll see
That cheap charlie turdsickle won’t pay up to me
He use no lotion and no sanitizer
He got filthy, sweaty-ass and grimey fingers
He don’t give a damn or stop to think
I don’t want your dirty hands on the ice I drink
Get the fuck out
Right now
To the street
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: +5
#25
cre8tivewmn
Obviously these two bars were doing so well during SXSW that they didn’t feel the need to draw in customers, or to be nice to them.
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:30 am rating: +1
#26
Summer
That Wizard must be friends with the fridge fairy from the last note!
Mar 14, 2008 at 2:12 pm rating: 0
#27
mmm
KEEP AUSTIN SUCK – ASS!
Mar 14, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: 0
#28
claw71
You can’t think of Austin without think of Stevie Ray Vaughn: Crossfire
Day after Day, another bad sign
This bar’s getting sick of your line
bean-counting shitbirds, won’t pay two bucks
Cheap Charlie Turdsickle, you’re shit out of luck
I’m standing, I can’t gain entrance
Stranded…”come in” means enter.
Got in for free…another place
you should’ve seen the look on my face
I got a drink that tasted like ass
It was the ice…I had a clean galss
I was poisoned… by grimy fingies
poisoned…sweaty ass fingies
Mar 14, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: +3
#29
Heidi
The wizard!!! How creative!
P.S. Military slang. A shitbird was a guy who slept on watch, stole from his buddies, offended the Vietnamese and generally shirked his duties.
http://www.capmarine.com/cap/glossary.htm
Mar 14, 2008 at 3:24 pm rating: 0
#30
Canthz_B
As persons of color, my friends and I are not discussing the $2.00 per head. We are discussing the wisdom of entering the Kitty Kat Klub in Texas with a pointy hat wearing wizard prominently displayed.
Mar 14, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: +11
#31
cre8tivewmn
I love that they they felt the need to translate “gain entry!”
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:00 pm rating: +1
#32
Insanity Is Peaceful
That ice was fucking delicious!
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:57 pm rating: 0
#33
summer
That ice was fucking dirty! I got a visual reading that sign.
Mar 14, 2008 at 10:09 pm rating: 0
#34
Canthz_B
Who are we people?
We are the people who wonder just how great this place could be with only a $2 cover!
We didn’t come here to have some suck-ass, cheap-Charlie, shit-bird try to sell us turd-sickles.
Mar 15, 2008 at 12:29 am rating: 0
#35
Canthz_B
Note 2: I don’t know about you if you cannot invest in a pair of tongs!
Thanks for your advertisement to the health department though.
Mar 15, 2008 at 12:57 am rating: 0
#36
Troy McClure
Everybody send me $2 and check out my blog.
Mar 15, 2008 at 12:57 am rating: 0
#37
amazon
Threadjack:
Has anyone see these???
http://www.glarkware.com/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idcategory=5&idproduct=2096
There were things on there to be upset over that I’ve never even thought of!
Mar 15, 2008 at 1:03 am rating: 0
#38 Mostly Offline for SXSW Music : Point Oh!
[...] (Image via Passive Aggressive Notes) [...]
Mar 15, 2008 at 11:56 am rating: 0
#39
PandoraWilde
I’m waiting for another sign getting added to #1. It’s just not complete without “…And GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN! lousy damn kids…”
Mar 15, 2008 at 1:07 pm rating: +1
#40
Lurker
From the glarkware product page:
“Assholes rarely know why they are the way they are, so here’s a clue for you on your journey of self-improvement”
So, so untrue. Assholes know exactly why they are assholes; they just don’t care. ‘Cause they’re assholes.
Mar 16, 2008 at 3:30 pm rating: 0
#41
tragically mep
Clean ice I drink /w? What the hell does that mean?
I now notice that this abbrviation is used in both notes. Do these 40 year old World of Warcraft fans all take shorthand or something?
Mar 17, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: 0
#42 the chav’s guide to sxsw
[...] reporting not-exactly-live from sxsw [...]
Mar 18, 2008 at 9:35 am rating: 0
#43
Sundaeg1rl
Hahaha, these SXSW notes are great. As an ex-bartender I can understand the frustration – people in bars are arseholes at the best of times, but a bar full of showbiz showcase types HAS to be even worse. Wall-to-wall chocolate starfish, in fact.
Mar 18, 2008 at 3:51 pm rating: 0
#44 Solid Gold Passive Aggressive from SXSW — Reid Carlberg: Misc. Notes
[...] as they were] are now largely behind me) but the geniuses over at PassiveAggressiveNotes.com have some brilliant pictures that you should really take a moment to read. Esp the first one. [...]
Mar 18, 2008 at 7:02 pm rating: 0
#45
franco
I would never go back to SXSW. The local shitbirds and losers have ruined it for me. They clearly don’t want the money and attention it brings, so why have the festival there at all?
Mar 19, 2008 at 4:42 am rating: 0
#46
forsoothsayer
looks like bad spelling and grammar are infallible indicators of assholehood.
Mar 26, 2008 at 3:05 am rating: 0
#47
Miol
Assholes know exactly why they are assholes
Mar 31, 2008 at 6:25 pm rating: 0
#48
Hilarity
I had tears rolling down my face as I read these notes.
“bean counting shitbirds”?
Hilarious.
May 28, 2008 at 9:10 pm rating: 0
#49
jen
Since when were we expected to pay to pay to drink?
Jun 20, 2008 at 10:05 pm rating: 0
#50
BrigetRose
Gosh, they’re all serious about their business aren’t they?
Jul 1, 2008 at 11:37 pm rating: 0
#51
bobby
God, these notes are all so annoying. I’ve dealt with a lot of shitty door people in my day and it always confuses me as to why they think that they are so much better than everyone else? They are a door guy at a dive bar. Why the tude?
Jul 23, 2008 at 2:04 pm rating: 0
#52
Sara
Awesome. I love Austin. Of course, I can explain the scoot sign. That bar sucks. It’s awful. That is why so people deliberate on spending $2 to go inside. Beerland + Emos = awesome, though, and I laughed when I first saw the ice sign (it’s since come down)
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:59 pm rating: 0
#53
Russ
$2? If i dropped $2 I probably wouldn’t turn around to pick it up.
Aug 19, 2009 at 8:16 pm rating: +1
#54
Julia
Two bucks? That’s insanely cheap for any day of the week, SXSW or not! When I first moved to Austin in 1992, most weekend shows at places like the Hole in the Wall were at least $3, and more like $8-10 to see the Ugly Americans or Sister Seven at Steamboat. If you can’t pony up that much for a show during SX, you should probably wait until the visitors are gone and hit up an open mic night. If you’ve paid for airfare and lodgings to come to Austin, and still can’t afford $2 to hear some music, then you need to work on your budgeting skills.
I like the Scoot Inn; it had some awesome parties this summer, including “Raspberry Criminal,” a Prince/MJ DJ battle/mash-up. It’s a low-key place in East Austin that attracts all ages and types. During SXSW, every venue is mobbed, even the ones that are not official showcase clubs, and the focus is on how to get people in and out efficiently, so fewer people are stuck waiting in line outside while people shilly-shally over a $2 cover. The individual ticket price to get into a showcase club is usually $15-25, depending on who’s playing, and availability is limited, so trust me, the Scoot Inn’s a bargain.
Sep 22, 2009 at 5:11 am rating: 0
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