85 responses so far ↓

• #1  Questionnert

  My, my. I don’t think I want to “Come In”. There might be friendlier places down the street.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 6:21 am   rating: 0  
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• #2  leelou

  There’s something so charming about the lower note: something cutesy and pandering. I guess I *will* keep my fingies out of ice…if I knew which body part fingies were.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 6:23 am   rating: 0  
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  • #2.1  park rose

    Yeah, I think it’s cutesy and pandering in a keep your fingies out of the ice before you need to keep them in the ice because I’ve just lopped them off with a machete cos’ you pissed me off kind of a way.

    Except for maybe the thanx.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 6:43 am   rating: +1  
     

  • #2.2  anon

    I wouldn’t have stuck my fingers in that ice chest…the beardo dudes who work at Emo’s look like they enjoy punching.

    Mar 16, 2008 at 9:59 pm   rating: 0  
     

  • #2.3  Ben

    “They called them fingers but I never see them fing, Oh there they go!”

    Mar 22, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #3  park rose

  Well I’ll be damned. Who knew that shitbirds could count?

  Mar 14, 2008 at 6:39 am   rating: +1  
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• #4  claw71

  Two dollars isn’t so cheap when there’s a good chance my ice will have sweaty ass residue on it. I wasn’t really comfortable with the place anyway. Why is come in in quotation marks? Is this some sort of “euphemism”

  Mar 14, 2008 at 6:44 am   rating: +1  
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• #5  MJaz

  Sign 1 started out so well.. then they had to toss in the little wizard, but I guess I can live with that. What blew it though is the use of the words “bean-counters” and “cheap charlie”. Those two lame insults sound like something my grandpa would have said - or maybe the dad on My Three Sons.

  Why do I get the idea that this “club” is a haven for 40 year old World of Warcraft fans, who still live in their mom’s basements and drive gremlins?

  (And, yeah, dude - two bucks is a big “chunk of change” when you don’t have a job!)

  Mar 14, 2008 at 6:49 am   rating: +1  
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  • #5.1  MaryOGrady

    No, the Scoot Inn is a fairly rough place, actually. (It was once robbed by David Ruiz, of Ruiz vs. Estelle fame, the prisoners’ rights lawsuit which resulted in the Texas prison system being taken over by the federal courts because of its insanely, unconstitutionally inhumane conditions.)

    Mar 19, 2008 at 12:54 am   rating: 0  
     
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• #6  fantasy

  ” Cheap-Charlie Turdsickles”! Those are sooo delicious!
  I can imagine all the “Bean-counting Shitbirds” will be wearing unitards!!!!

  Mar 14, 2008 at 6:57 am   rating: 0  
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• #7  RALPHY

  I got to ask myself-Do I really want to pay $2.00 to be insulted and eat the frozen sweat off some guys balls? Hell, I can be insulted for free at home and I sure can do without the tainted ice. This old over-40World of Warcraft fan is going to move it a little further on down the line folks. Hummm-basements and gremlins. Maybe I should rethink my life’s choices.
  Just saying——

  Mar 14, 2008 at 7:07 am   rating: 0  
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• #8  Stacy

  Those are great. At least they’re not pulling any punches, for fear of *offending* somebody. I love Austin. Home sweet home.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 7:21 am   rating: 0  
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• #9  Lurker

  All glory to the Two-Dolla-Wizzid!

  Mar 14, 2008 at 7:23 am   rating: 0  
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• #10  claw71

  http://www.meshsf.com/blog3/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/two_dollars_BOD.jpg

  You always worry about what might become of those child stars.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 7:31 am   rating: 0  
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  • #10.1  Mishee

    To this day every time someone says something about “Two dollars” that creepy, obssessive kid still comes to mind…

    In my opinion that is probably John Cusack’s BEST movie from the 80’s…

    Mar 14, 2008 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  
     

  • #10.2  claw71

    Say Anything was pretty good too but I think he showed some decent skill in Eight Men Out. That’s why he’s not stuck in the rut as Molly Ringwald. He showed a desired to broaden his range early.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 9:35 am   rating: 0  
     
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• #11  jenechka

  “Bean counting shitbirds”, “Cheap-Charlie Turdsickles”? Was the author of the note born in the 20’s?

  Mar 14, 2008 at 8:08 am   rating: 0  
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  • #11.1  Centaurea

    What’s a classy dame like you doing in a suck ass, cheap charlie turdsickle eating place like this?

    Mar 14, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: +6  
     

  • #11.2  secondsout

    Well, the Cheap-Charlie bit seems a bit old-fashioned, and one could picture Mr. Burns saying something like that. But mixed with Turdsickles?…

    Mar 14, 2008 at 11:48 am   rating: +2  
     

  • #11.3  Lurker

    I’m reminded of an old SNL skit where Mike Myers was a fruity old English stage actor interviewing Christopher Walken, and he called himself “Cucumber” and Walken “Ching-Ching Charlie.”

    I can’t get the sound of Walken saying, “Kookumbah, I’m not comftahble with you cawling me Ching-Ching Chawlie,” out of my head.

    (I honestly can’t remember whether it was Walken himself or somebody impersonating him.)

    Mar 14, 2008 at 12:26 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #12  Voca Popula

  Two dollars, okay, that’s pretty cheap, but two wizard dollars?!? Who would risk carrying that much cash around with them? I sure wouldn’t.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 8:30 am   rating: +6  
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• #13  inothernews

  Also one for the Excessive Quotation Marks blog!

  Mar 14, 2008 at 8:44 am   rating: 0  
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• #14  claw71

  I wish we could have had Cheap Charlie Turdsicles when I was a kid. We were poor so we had to settle for the store brand.

  Let me tell you something, IGA’s Poop Pops and Valu-Time’s Crap on a Stick weren’t nearly as good. You never saw chunks of corn in Cheap Charlie’s Turdsicles. Poppy Seeds on occasion but never corn.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 9:00 am   rating: +9  
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  • #14.1  KittyKat

    Hahahahahahaha . . . . That’s so wrong, claw.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 0  
     
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• #15  KittyKat

  I like it! Sounds like my kind of place. I wonder if they would take the $2 in quarters, because at my job as a waitress, somebody left me $2 in quarters as a tip (you know who you are GW!)

  Mar 14, 2008 at 9:37 am   rating: 0  
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  • #15.1  claw71

    That’s interesting. I don’t tip waitresses but I give the strippers dollar coins insted of bills. I’m sure that makes for an interesting visit to the gynecologist.

    “You’ve got to be carefull with those Sacajawea coins, Bambi. They can slide all the way up to the cervix because they don’t have ridges on the sides.”

    Mar 14, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 0  
     

  • #15.2  claw71

    Meanwhile, at the bank…

    There’s something fishy about these coins.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 10:24 am   rating: 0  
     

  • #15.3  Nate

    WTF? Is it even necessary to go there? What does that have to do with the note?

    Mar 14, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: +4  
     

  • #15.4  KittyKat

    re: Not tipping waitresses - That’s why you get the sweaty-ass fingered ice in your drinks!

    Mar 14, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: 0  
     

  • #15.5  KittyKat

    “Is it necessary to drink my own urine? No, but it’s sterile and I like the taste.”

    Patches O’Houlihan

    Mar 14, 2008 at 10:49 am   rating: +1  
     

  • #15.6  claw71

    See, KittyKat, ass is why the strippers get my money and the waitresses don’t. I’ll take my chances on the ice. It can’t be any dirtier than that glass you gave me.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 11:01 am   rating: 0  
     
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• #16  Writerrejected

  But if you really think about it, people who have to think about it really are suck-ass.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 9:38 am   rating: +3  
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• #17  Writerrejected

  I mean that for people who have to “think about it,” too.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 9:38 am   rating: +2  
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• #18  portorikan

  ahhh, that nice texas hospitality.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 0  
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  • #18.1  Max Dropout

    Funny you mention Texas hospitality. I’m a Beerland door guy, and yeah, I did write that one sign that sits at the front of our club. But having people constantly argue with you about how it SHOULD BE LEGAL to walk out with drinks is a waste of my time. Besides, 80% of the people I dealt with this SX were from out of town, AND RUDE. By the way, the sign I did where I threatened to pee on people was way better than that one.

    Mar 19, 2008 at 12:42 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #19  Centaurea

  That wizard has +5 smiting abilities on your fingies.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 10:20 am   rating: +6  
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  • #19.1  claw71

    But I’m a Level 11 Shitbird with a +5 bean counting factor.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: +5  
     

  • #19.2  Crash

    That could make for some good sized bean shitting claw 71…
    You can put Cheap Charlie and his Turdsickles out of buisness.
    Serve it with a glass of ass sweat and clean ice with a twist of srimey finges and you could charge 2 wizzard dollars a pop to every suck ass person who has to “think about it” .

    Mar 15, 2008 at 1:47 pm   rating: +2  
     

  • #19.3  Crash

    Might have to make it free for anyone who doesn’t think about it though…

    Mar 15, 2008 at 6:45 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #20  doeseatoats

  I really don’t think he should be trash talking the shitbirds like that. Every week I go to the park with my bag of bread crumbs and feed my little avian friends - they are tame as can be. Now I haven’t actually seen the bean-counting variety, but I’m betting if they’re anything like the common shitbird, they are worthy of more respect than that. I’ll take my $2 elsewhere.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 10:26 am   rating: 0  
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• #21  claw71

  Wasn’t Eric Clapton in the Shitbirds?

  Mar 14, 2008 at 10:32 am   rating: 0  
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  • #21.1  secondsout

    No, Clapton was in the Yardbirds. If you want to know who was in the Shitbirds, perhaps it was a collaborative of Yanni, Kenny G, Justin Timberlake, Joey Lawrence, and Ricky Martin.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 11:52 am   rating: +7  
     
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• #22  AnimalAndy

  You persnickety swackwalligans! The American Shitbird faces extinction and you squabble over these signs! It’s time to act!

  Mar 14, 2008 at 11:05 am   rating: +3  
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  • #22.1  Writerrejected

    Unfortunately, the American Shitbird exists in plentitude.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 3:58 pm   rating: +4  
     
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• #23  unholyghost2003

  Along the lines of what Voca Popula said, Sign one becomes a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. I am the sort of person who would have her $2 American clutched in a sweaty palm along with my ID … up until the point when I saw the sign with the Wizard on it. Even if the sign JUST had a wizard drawn on it I wouldn’t be thrown BUT the drawing is then LABELED “Wizard.”

  Seeing this sign would cause me to stop, think about it, turn to my friends and ask “What the fuck are WIZARD dollars? Where do we GET wizard dollars? CAN we even get wizard dollars? Will they take regular cash?” By this point the staff has started calling us “Suck ass bean-counting shit birds” and “Cheap Charlie turdsicles” and we would just move on.

  WAY TO LOSE MONEY Club one!

  Mar 14, 2008 at 11:21 am   rating: +4  
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  • #23.1  cre8tivewmn

    Frankly, my first guess for the drawing was Santa Claus. That’s probably why they had to label it wizard. Too many people thought it was a different bearded man in a funny hat.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: +1  
     

  • #23.2  unholyghost2003

    I am also the sort of person who, if I did attempt to enter with my plain ol’ $2 and was given entrance, would say “You know that wizard on the sign is stupid and confusing. You people should get a new sign.”

    I don’t go out much.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 11:58 am   rating: 0  
     

  • #23.3  Lurker

    Yeah, if he’s going for a Rincewind parody, he needs another “Z.”

    Mar 14, 2008 at 12:22 pm   rating: 0  
     

  • #23.4  unholyghost2003

    oooooh! SOMEONE has been reading their Disc World!

    Mar 14, 2008 at 1:40 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #24  Sarah

  “Come Together”, destroyed and reassembled:

  Here come the suckass, he come to the doorway
  He don’t got two dollars, he one dirty shitbird
  He asks his friends, but then, you’ll see
  That cheap charlie turdsickle won’t pay up to me

  He use no lotion and no sanitizer
  He got filthy, sweaty-ass and grimey fingers
  He don’t give a damn or stop to think
  I don’t want your dirty hands on the ice I drink

  Get the fuck out
  Right now
  To the street

  Mar 14, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: +5  
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  • #24.1  sdkfj;

    bravo
    the first song ive recognized on these sing alongs

    more classic rock parody songs

    Mar 15, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #25  cre8tivewmn

  Obviously these two bars were doing so well during SXSW that they didn’t feel the need to draw in customers, or to be nice to them.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: +1  
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  • #25.1  Stacy

    All bars do well during SXSW. It’s freaking 90 degrees outside today. Anywhere you can get a cold beer, or a soda (dirty ice and all), is completely overrun right now. They don’t have to be polite; they just have to offer cold beverages and shelter from the sun.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 5:39 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #26  Summer

  That Wizard must be friends with the fridge fairy from the last note!

  Mar 14, 2008 at 2:12 pm   rating: 0  
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• #27  mmm

  KEEP AUSTIN SUCK - ASS!

  Mar 14, 2008 at 2:23 pm   rating: 0  
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• #28  claw71

  You can’t think of Austin without think of Stevie Ray Vaughn: Crossfire

  Day after Day, another bad sign
  This bar’s getting sick of your line
  bean-counting shitbirds, won’t pay two bucks
  Cheap Charlie Turdsickle, you’re shit out of luck

  I’m standing, I can’t gain entrance
  Stranded…”come in” means enter.

  Got in for free…another place
  you should’ve seen the look on my face
  I got a drink that tasted like ass
  It was the ice…I had a clean galss

  I was poisoned… by grimy fingies

  poisoned…sweaty ass fingies

  Mar 14, 2008 at 2:40 pm   rating: +3  
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  • #28.1  Canthz_B

    You got my vote and you know I ♥ you, claw, but…”Oh, look! A preview button!”

    But, then again, clean galss are a good thing!

    Mar 15, 2008 at 1:21 am   rating: +1  
     
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• #29  Heidi

  The wizard!!! How creative!

  P.S. Military slang. A shitbird was a guy who slept on watch, stole from his buddies, offended the Vietnamese and generally shirked his duties.
  http://www.capmarine.com/cap/glossary.htm

  Mar 14, 2008 at 3:24 pm   rating: 0  
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• #30  Canthz_B

  As persons of color, my friends and I are not discussing the $2.00 per head. We are discussing the wisdom of entering the Kitty Kat Klub in Texas with a pointy hat wearing wizard prominently displayed.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 4:51 pm   rating: +10  
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  • #30.1  Suhayla

    And I don’t think that’s a beard the wizard’s sporting there… looks more like something’s covering his face, what with the eye-holes and all.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 5:59 pm   rating: 0  
     

  • #30.2  sdkfj;

    how do you get your comment to be green? please someone tell me

    Mar 15, 2008 at 3:45 pm   rating: 0  
     

  • #30.3  park rose

    You need to register, then you can vote on the comments. If a comment gets 5 votes or more, it goes green.

    You can register by going to the very bottom of this page and clicking on the ‘i wanna get punctuated button’, or there is a link to getting registered when you write a comment.

    Mar 15, 2008 at 6:30 pm   rating: 0  
     

  • #30.4  jdskfjfkj

    thank you for the explanation. i have asked before, but it was always difficult to find my original post. thanks again for taking the time to explain.

    Mar 15, 2008 at 8:20 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #31  cre8tivewmn

  I love that they they felt the need to translate “gain entry!”

  Mar 14, 2008 at 6:00 pm   rating: +1  
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• #32  Insanity Is Peaceful

  That ice was fucking delicious!

  Mar 14, 2008 at 7:57 pm   rating: 0  
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• #33  summer

  That ice was fucking dirty! I got a visual reading that sign.

  Mar 14, 2008 at 10:09 pm   rating: 0  
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• #34  Canthz_B

  Who are we people?
  We are the people who wonder just how great this place could be with only a $2 cover!
  We didn’t come here to have some suck-ass, cheap-Charlie, shit-bird try to sell us turd-sickles.

  Mar 15, 2008 at 12:29 am   rating: 0  
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• #35  Canthz_B