before i pass out, i bring you a few of my favorite more-aggressive-than-passive notes from the music clubs of austin.
first, from the scoot inn…
more bouncer sass from (i think) beerland…
and lastly, from emo’s…
related: i used to be your biggest fan
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85 responses so far ↓
#1 Questionnert
My, my. I don’t think I want to “Come In”. There might be friendlier places down the street.
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:21 am rating: 0 
#2 leelou
There’s something so charming about the lower note: something cutesy and pandering. I guess I *will* keep my fingies out of ice…if I knew which body part fingies were.
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:23 am rating: 0 
#3 park rose

Well I’ll be damned. Who knew that shitbirds could count?
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:39 am rating: +1 
#4 claw71

Two dollars isn’t so cheap when there’s a good chance my ice will have sweaty ass residue on it. I wasn’t really comfortable with the place anyway. Why is come in in quotation marks? Is this some sort of “euphemism”
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:44 am rating: +1 
#5 MJaz
Sign 1 started out so well.. then they had to toss in the little wizard, but I guess I can live with that. What blew it though is the use of the words “bean-counters” and “cheap charlie”. Those two lame insults sound like something my grandpa would have said - or maybe the dad on My Three Sons.
Why do I get the idea that this “club” is a haven for 40 year old World of Warcraft fans, who still live in their mom’s basements and drive gremlins?
(And, yeah, dude - two bucks is a big “chunk of change” when you don’t have a job!)
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:49 am rating: +1 
#6 fantasy

” Cheap-Charlie Turdsickles”! Those are sooo delicious!
I can imagine all the “Bean-counting Shitbirds” will be wearing unitards!!!!
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:57 am rating: 0 
#7 RALPHY
I got to ask myself-Do I really want to pay $2.00 to be insulted and eat the frozen sweat off some guys balls? Hell, I can be insulted for free at home and I sure can do without the tainted ice. This old over-40World of Warcraft fan is going to move it a little further on down the line folks. Hummm-basements and gremlins. Maybe I should rethink my life’s choices.
Just saying——
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:07 am rating: 0 
#8 Stacy
Those are great. At least they’re not pulling any punches, for fear of *offending* somebody. I love Austin. Home sweet home.
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:21 am rating: 0 
#9 Lurker
All glory to the Two-Dolla-Wizzid!
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:23 am rating: 0 
#10 claw71

http://www.meshsf.com/blog3/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/two_dollars_BOD.jpg
You always worry about what might become of those child stars.
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:31 am rating: 0 
#11 jenechka
“Bean counting shitbirds”, “Cheap-Charlie Turdsickles”? Was the author of the note born in the 20’s?
Mar 14, 2008 at 8:08 am rating: 0 
#12 Voca Popula
Two dollars, okay, that’s pretty cheap, but two wizard dollars?!? Who would risk carrying that much cash around with them? I sure wouldn’t.
Mar 14, 2008 at 8:30 am rating: +6 
#13 inothernews
Also one for the Excessive Quotation Marks blog!
Mar 14, 2008 at 8:44 am rating: 0 
#14 claw71

I wish we could have had Cheap Charlie Turdsicles when I was a kid. We were poor so we had to settle for the store brand.
Let me tell you something, IGA’s Poop Pops and Valu-Time’s Crap on a Stick weren’t nearly as good. You never saw chunks of corn in Cheap Charlie’s Turdsicles. Poppy Seeds on occasion but never corn.
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:00 am rating: +9 
#15 KittyKat
I like it! Sounds like my kind of place. I wonder if they would take the $2 in quarters, because at my job as a waitress, somebody left me $2 in quarters as a tip (you know who you are GW!)
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:37 am rating: 0 
#16 Writerrejected

But if you really think about it, people who have to think about it really are suck-ass.
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:38 am rating: +3 
#17 Writerrejected

I mean that for people who have to “think about it,” too.
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:38 am rating: +2 
#18 portorikan
ahhh, that nice texas hospitality.
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:54 am rating: 0 
#19 Centaurea
That wizard has +5 smiting abilities on your fingies.
Mar 14, 2008 at 10:20 am rating: +6 
#20 doeseatoats

I really don’t think he should be trash talking the shitbirds like that. Every week I go to the park with my bag of bread crumbs and feed my little avian friends - they are tame as can be. Now I haven’t actually seen the bean-counting variety, but I’m betting if they’re anything like the common shitbird, they are worthy of more respect than that. I’ll take my $2 elsewhere.
Mar 14, 2008 at 10:26 am rating: 0 
#21 claw71

Wasn’t Eric Clapton in the Shitbirds?
Mar 14, 2008 at 10:32 am rating: 0 
#22 AnimalAndy
You persnickety swackwalligans! The American Shitbird faces extinction and you squabble over these signs! It’s time to act!
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:05 am rating: +3 
#23 unholyghost2003

Along the lines of what Voca Popula said, Sign one becomes a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. I am the sort of person who would have her $2 American clutched in a sweaty palm along with my ID … up until the point when I saw the sign with the Wizard on it. Even if the sign JUST had a wizard drawn on it I wouldn’t be thrown BUT the drawing is then LABELED “Wizard.”
Seeing this sign would cause me to stop, think about it, turn to my friends and ask “What the fuck are WIZARD dollars? Where do we GET wizard dollars? CAN we even get wizard dollars? Will they take regular cash?” By this point the staff has started calling us “Suck ass bean-counting shit birds” and “Cheap Charlie turdsicles” and we would just move on.
WAY TO LOSE MONEY Club one!
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:21 am rating: +4 
#24 Sarah

“Come Together”, destroyed and reassembled:
Here come the suckass, he come to the doorway
He don’t got two dollars, he one dirty shitbird
He asks his friends, but then, you’ll see
That cheap charlie turdsickle won’t pay up to me
He use no lotion and no sanitizer
He got filthy, sweaty-ass and grimey fingers
He don’t give a damn or stop to think
I don’t want your dirty hands on the ice I drink
Get the fuck out
Right now
To the street
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: +5 
#25 cre8tivewmn

Obviously these two bars were doing so well during SXSW that they didn’t feel the need to draw in customers, or to be nice to them.
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:30 am rating: +1 
#26 Summer
That Wizard must be friends with the fridge fairy from the last note!
Mar 14, 2008 at 2:12 pm rating: 0 
#27 mmm
KEEP AUSTIN SUCK - ASS!
Mar 14, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: 0 
#28 claw71

You can’t think of Austin without think of Stevie Ray Vaughn: Crossfire
Day after Day, another bad sign
This bar’s getting sick of your line
bean-counting shitbirds, won’t pay two bucks
Cheap Charlie Turdsickle, you’re shit out of luck
I’m standing, I can’t gain entrance
Stranded…”come in” means enter.
Got in for free…another place
you should’ve seen the look on my face
I got a drink that tasted like ass
It was the ice…I had a clean galss
I was poisoned… by grimy fingies
poisoned…sweaty ass fingies
Mar 14, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: +3 
#29 Heidi
The wizard!!! How creative!
P.S. Military slang. A shitbird was a guy who slept on watch, stole from his buddies, offended the Vietnamese and generally shirked his duties.
http://www.capmarine.com/cap/glossary.htm
Mar 14, 2008 at 3:24 pm rating: 0 
#30 Canthz_B

As persons of color, my friends and I are not discussing the $2.00 per head. We are discussing the wisdom of entering the Kitty Kat Klub in Texas with a pointy hat wearing wizard prominently displayed.
Mar 14, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: +10 
#31 cre8tivewmn

I love that they they felt the need to translate “gain entry!”
Mar 14, 2008 at 6:00 pm rating: +1 
#32 Insanity Is Peaceful

That ice was fucking delicious!
Mar 14, 2008 at 7:57 pm rating: 0 
#33 summer
That ice was fucking dirty! I got a visual reading that sign.
Mar 14, 2008 at 10:09 pm rating: 0 
#34 Canthz_B

Who are we people?
We are the people who wonder just how great this place could be with only a $2 cover!
We didn’t come here to have some suck-ass, cheap-Charlie, shit-bird try to sell us turd-sickles.
Mar 15, 2008 at 12:29 am rating: 0 
#35 Canthz_B
