But who’s counting?

March 16th, 2008 · 73 comments

Writes an anonymous New Yorker: “Our neighbors hate us because we are the youngest in the building. Thus, any malfunction that occurs in the building results in notes directed towards us. And yes, this note was a follow-up to another note (seen at left) also directed at us.”

PULL THE DOOR SHUT! THE GREEN DOOR has been LEFT OPEN 3 times since last note.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, kids!

related: infinite note project

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · kids today · neighbors · New York · opening/closing


73 responses so far ↓

  • #1   claw71 bang

    Oh, the GREEN door. I thought you’d said screen.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 7:26 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   fantasy bang

    “”STEEERRIKE THREE YOU’RE OUT!!”

    Mar 17, 2008 at 7:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   park rose bang

    Maybe the number of notes has a symbiotic relation with how many times the door is left open. Before the red-penned note was put up, there were 3 notes (view the photo large). Now that a 4th note has been put up, the door needs to be left open one more time, then a new note appears.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 7:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Lurker

      During those cold Northeastern winters, you have to layer your clothing AND you P/A notes.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 12:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   The Neighbors

    It’s not that we’re old and grouchy. We don’t hate our new neighbors because they’re young. The problem is that they’re stupid, inconsiderate and apparently illiterate. Close the fucking door! It’s cold and more importantly this is New York City! There are robbers, rapists and Jehova’s Witnesses running around out there looking for an open door.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 7:43 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Drunkbunny

    Why would you think the note was directed at you, unless you are the ones leaving the door open? There’s nothing that says, “HEY YOUNG PEOPLE” so methinks it’s your guilty conscience that is causing you to think the note-leaving effort was inspired by you. So hey, just shut the door. It takes much less effort than, say, photographing the notes and sending them in to a website.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 7:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   pry

      i agree…or maybe you’re just paranoid….how do you know the notes are for you?

      Mar 17, 2008 at 10:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Suhayla

      That was my question… and of the four notes that I see there, how is it that they know that those two are directed at them specifically? It must have been in response to something that they thought no-one saw them do.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 3:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   goose

      EXACTLY!

      Team elderly door-nazis.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 5:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   claw71 bang

    As stupid as these notes are, not pulling the door shut is worse. Hopefully Karma’s paying attention when those rape-happy Jehova’s Witnesses sneak in.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 7:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   se

    It is a magic door. If left open, it turns into a jar.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 7:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Lorelie

      Holy jesus, I got enough of that this weekend, when my 7yo got the “Super-Duper Joke Book!!”

      Mar 17, 2008 at 8:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   se

      cherish the child in all of us and thank you for recognizing me

      Mar 17, 2008 at 9:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   anglophile bang

    The added weight of all those notes on the outside of the door is making it harder to pull the door closed. They need to post a corresponding number of notes on the inside as well, just to balance things out.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 8:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Bellabeastie

      I agree . Maybe a friendly reminder like “Hey Dumbass !! Close the freakin’ door when you come back in !” And the Apts. For Rent section of the newspaper….. hint hint

      Mar 17, 2008 at 11:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   amy d bang

      Oooh, door hecklers!

      Mar 17, 2008 at 1:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   GhostWriter bang

    Installing a hydraulic door closer would be cheaper than the heating bill spikes.

    Team The-Right-Tool-For-The-Job

    Mar 17, 2008 at 8:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   anglophile bang

      Aw, GW, I was just going to say $69.99 and a few screws later, and all your problems are solved!

      That’ll teach me to do the research before I make the joke! ;)

      Mar 17, 2008 at 8:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   GhostWriter bang

      Being the type of landlord I know I would be, I would opt for the Wright Products model, which saves me $35 for secret spycams. There’s some sexy young tennants in Apt. 8.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 9:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   kelmeister

    Hey! I want to know what’s BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 8:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   park rose bang

      there’s an old piano and they play it hot…

      Mar 17, 2008 at 8:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   mere bang

      crap, i thought i was original. i guess i wasn’t. this is what happens when you skim the comments before adding one.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 11:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   amy d bang

    How do they know it’s been left open exactly 3 times since the first note was posted?

    Has someone been appointed to be the door-watcher? And if som can’t they just shut the door securely whilst on post?

    Mar 17, 2008 at 8:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   park rose bang

      Someone’s been appointed as an independent body to sit outside and tally every time the door is left open, and to report to the neighbs the minute it hits 3. It’s not in the job description to actually close the door. :)

      Mar 17, 2008 at 8:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   anglophile bang

      Door closer is a completely different union than door watcher. Don’t mess with the unions.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 8:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Total Douche bang

      Yes, only watch the door, NOT to notice the schmuck who actually leaves it open and save the necessity to leave all those damn PA notes.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 5:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   claw71 bang

    I used to live with Jesus Christ and he left the door open all the time. On the rare occasion he closed it he’d immediately open a window. I got tired of it and left a note on the door. It read: Why is it so hard to keep the door closed? Were you born in a barn? Of course the smart ass couldn’t resist scribbling “yes” at the bottom of the note.

    I know, the whole water into wine thing is cool but it was always cheap wine. He couldn’t turn water into a nice Shiraz or a Malbec. It was always an acidic Merlot that could have used more time on the vine.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 8:37 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   park rose bang

      There weren’t so many harsh winter winds, though. He wondered why you were kicking up a fuss.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 8:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Liz

      Jesus’ cheap Merlot is fucking delicious.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 10:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   claw71 bang

      That’s the problem rooming with Jesus. Everybody thinks he walks on water. I was the one walking on water because somebody could raise the dead but couldn’t get his BM to go down without a fight. It’s called a courtesy flush!

      And trust me, when he told me to eat him it had nothing to do with the eucharist. Everytime you’d ask the guy to pull his weight with a chore or two he’d throw the whole “dying for your sins” routine. Eat ME! I’m dying for your sins. He was such a martyr.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 11:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Canthz_B bang

      That martyr stuff is a complex thing, claw. ;-)

      Personally, I would only accept white wine from Him. That blood joke got old fast, but I hear they’re still talking about it!

      Mar 17, 2008 at 7:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   tragically mep bang

      Customers who laughed at the jokes in this thread also laughed at:

      http://www.amazon.com/Lamb-Gospel-According-Christs-Childhood/dp/0380813815/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1205870764&sr=8-1

      Mar 18, 2008 at 3:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   bamBAM!! bang

      You would think he’d be able to close the door with his mind or something.

      Mar 19, 2008 at 6:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Katzndogz bang

    You haven’t been raped and stabbed until you’ve been raped and stabbed in New York.

    (inside joke)

    Mar 17, 2008 at 8:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Strideo

    when all else fails, post more notes!

    Mar 17, 2008 at 8:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   GhostWriter bang

    Pull Shut the Green Door

    Moody Blues sing-along link
    worth the click regardless

    A wonderful day for casting my blame.
    An open green door, three times before
    Do you mind -

    Closing the green door again my friend?
    Such a long Winter blows a brisk wind.

    Dollars from heat are blowing away.
    Notes that you’ll read, you’re going to pay
    Can ya-

    Pull shut the green door again my friend?
    Such a long Winter blows a brisk wind.

    They tell us that you’re teens, a long-ago, forgotten time.
    Our memories have vanished; too sad.

    A wonderful day for casting my blame.
    An open green door, three times before
    Do you mind -

    Closing the green door again my friend?
    Such a long Winter blows a brisk wind.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 9:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Nathaniel

    Why do you think either note is directed at you, and where does either note mention age? You’re either incredibly narcissistic, or you have a guilty conscience.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 9:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   GhostWriter bang

    Isn’t it weird how the first note on the right actually came from a fortune cookie? I’ve heard of people playing lucky lottery numbers off their fortunes, but antagonizing fellow tenants based on a fortune’s direction is too much!

    …reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode where Will Shatner was transfixed by a cafe ‘s penny fortune machine.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 9:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Katzndogz bang

      I always thought it was funny that the devil had Vulcan ears and eyebrows.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 10:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   claw71 bang

    How about a little Crossfade? To the tune of Cold…

    Looking back at me I see
    that I never really shut the door
    I never stopped to pull it hard
    I’m always walking in
    with things under my chin

    You left a note that I just walked right by
    I’m acting like an asshole guy—iiiieee.

    What I really want to say
    is I’m sorry for the way…I am
    I never meant to make it cold
    I never meant to make it cold.

    For you I’m sorry about all the flies
    Maybe they come to the light
    If only I could reach out and pull it shut
    Then maybe I could see

    You don’t hate me cause I’m the young guy
    I’m just a jerk who won’t say hi—iiiieee

    What I’d really like to say
    Is I’m sorry for the way…I am
    Leaving the door cracked makes it cold.
    I never mean to make it cold

    I never really wanted you to see
    The selfish side of me, the creep
    Who makes it hard for you to sleep
    It’s always seems so hard for me
    to pull the green door closed
    I guess I really should have known
    and that’s why I’m such a dope
    I never meant to make it cold.

    What I’d really like to say,
    Is I’m sorry for the way…I am
    I know I made the room cold
    I never meant to make it cold.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   claw71 bang

    You’re killing Anthony Grosso with your draft!

    Thank you Terry.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 10:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Sarah bang

    Well, damn, all this time I’ve been closing the magenta door. Who knew?

    Mar 17, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Meagan

    Two things. Close the door and stop taking the name of Jesus in vain.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 11:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Suhayla

      What in the son-of-god’s name is that supposed to mean?

      Mar 17, 2008 at 2:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Chipmunk

      And what in the son-of-Mary’s name is THAT supposed to mean?

      Mar 17, 2008 at 11:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   mere bang

    what’s going on
    behind the green door….

    Mar 17, 2008 at 11:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   park rose bang

    I think the neighbs’ are compulsive note-posters, and it is indeed something they need to do.

    I wonder if the ‘last note’ is the tricksy little note on the right. Imagine the neighbs’ rubbing their hands together as they mull over their dastardly plot.

    We’ll make the note small enough so that they can’t see it, then when they’ve left the door open 3 times we’ll be able to post this whopping red beauty with its nicely aligned masking tape on the door.

    We know that half the residents are colourblind, so they won’t be able to see red print, especially near a green background. Then when the door has been left open another few times, we’ve got the message hobbytex(t)ed onto a bit of black felt. After that…

    Mar 17, 2008 at 11:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Mishee bang

    Maybe the door got left open inadvertently when a resident came home late and ended up regurgitating to no extent somewhere outside..

    Once I regurgitate to no extent, pulling a door closed behind me is the last thing on my mind!

    Mar 17, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Bellabeastie

      Then that would occasion another note to chastise said regurgitater.

      “Team Hey Dickweed – Quit Puking On My Stoop”

      Mar 17, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Summer

    The second note is in scary, angry red ink, coincidence? I think not.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 1:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   john

      I agree. There’s a lot of anger in that red ink! And it kind of looks like someone else wrote “Pull the Door Shut” because the letters aren’t nearly as psycho-looking. I would say that maybe one person is the good cop and the other one is the bad cop but they both seem kind of crabby…

      Mar 17, 2008 at 6:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Centaurea

    Eventually they will just keep scooting the notes over until they tape over the doorway.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 1:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   damon

    That actually looked like a follow up note to the follow up note to the original note way in the left hand corner. Fucking amazing. I wanna know what that small strip of paper says though.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   park rose bang

      The small strip says
      Please be sure the green door is closed as you go out and come in.
      (Cold weather?) keeps door ajar.
      (Thanxxx?)

      I can make that out, but also had a chance to see it large size in flickr, but that option isn’t there now. It is along those lines.

      Mar 17, 2008 at 7:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Lurker

    Here’s an oldie from the Beatles Heatles:

    Close the door and I’ll kiss you,
    Then pass me a tissue;
    It’s cold and we’ve all got the flu.
    And when you go away,
    Close the door every day,
    Or I’ll send all my heat bills to you.

    All my heat bills I will send to you.
    All my heat bills, ’cause the’re overdue.

    Both the kids and the seniors,
    Say, “Please shut the green door,
    Or we’ll send all our heat bills to you.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 2:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Troy McClure bang

      I love it, Lurker!

      Mar 17, 2008 at 5:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   bellabeastie

      Truly inspired… sniff. Feel a cold coming on. Must be the draft. Can I send all my heat bills to you??

      Same tune– :)

      Tomorrow may be forty
      Can’t wear any shorties
      Gotta wear those long pants and boots

      And while you’re at Rite-Aid
      PLEASE Get me a Band-Aid
      Cuz I blame all this flu-stuff on you.

      All this coughin’ I will blame on you
      All this wheezin’ – it comes straight from you

      All my coughin’, all my wheezin’ oh yeah
      All my coughin’ all my wheezin’
      It comes straight from you!

      SO CLOSE THE DOOR !!

      Love, your neighbors

      Mar 17, 2008 at 9:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   Canthz_B bang

      Is that bellabeastie, or bellabeatle?! :-D
      Great tune!

      Mar 17, 2008 at 10:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Crash bang

    I’ll bet it’s the building poltergeist…
    You know how they like to make a lot of noise and break things all the time,
    with the occasional haunting here and there…
    It can’t be the noisy youngsters that come in late every night and have the wild parties without inviting anyone, that’s not rational.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 3:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   secondsout bang

    The last two or three notes clearly haven’t worked. You know what might work? Another note! Yes, that’s the ticket!

    Mar 17, 2008 at 3:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Heidi

    My Bad! I’m color blind! I didn’t even KNOW there was a door!

    Mar 17, 2008 at 3:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Crash bang

      Ya’ personally I crawl through the windows all the time, once in a while the air ducts if the windows are locked but thats a really tight squeeze…

      Mar 17, 2008 at 4:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   TygerAKC bang

    Carly Simon anyone?

    You walked into the appartment and you forgot to close the green door.
    You young people have no idea,
    What a doorknob is for.
    I’ve been keeping track since the last note and you’ve left it open thrice!
    You better start keepin’ the green door shut,
    the green door shut….

    You’re so vain,
    You probably think this note is for you.
    You’re so vain,
    I bet you think this note is for you.
    Don’t you? Don’t you?

    Mar 17, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Canthz_B bang

      Nice, Tyger! :-D

      “Your mother’s door had a spring attached,
      And her door naturally closed.
      Well you’re on your own now why can’t you see,
      the thieves are eyeing me?!
      Yet you walk around with the keys in your pocket, keys in your pocket ’cause…
      You’re so vain, I bet you think this note is about you.
      You’re so vain, I bet you think this note is about you,
      Don’t you, Don’t you, Don’t you?”

      …anyone care to help? :-)

      Mar 17, 2008 at 7:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Epiphany

    Paranoid much? or maybe dyslexia?…. color blind?…hmm I think you should be more concerned if they put the note on your apartment door directly… It’s not like the UPS guy really knows to shut the green door all the way… I mean HE doesn’t live there too does he?

    Mar 17, 2008 at 4:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Canthz_B bang

    CLOSE THAT DOOR!!

    XXX Things happen…

    Behind the Green Door!

    Mar 17, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Suhayla

    Okay, seriously, is the green door next to a door of another colour? If not, that repeated reference to the colour of the door is not just bizarre, but frightening.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 5:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Writer, Rejection

    El puerto verde.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 6:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Canthz_B bang

    Maybe your neighbors are angry because, as the youngest tenants, you have the cheesiest shit to steal when the burglars waltz in through the open green door.
    If you had more than milk crate furniture to protect you’d be more responsible.

    Mar 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Canthz_B bang

    Close The Door. Thanks Teddy Pendergrass…I miss those 8-tracks, oh, but did they work miracles?!

    Close the door,
    Let me reiterate, it’s the green door.
    Baby I have so many notes to write,
    And I wanna write ‘em all to you.

    Close the door,
    Let’s leave it open no more.
    Let’s pull the knob till the tab clicks in,
    Or it’s me and you now.

    I’ve waited all day long,
    Just to get you in my palms.
    And it’s exactly like I want it to be,
    Me punching you,
    And you begging me.

    Close the door.
    Let me kick your back low and make it sore.
    Come on get closer and close so I can work my knee,
    I’m tired of you, Brother.

    Come here youngblood!

    I’ve waited all day long,
    Just to get you in my palms.
    And it’s exactly like I want it to be,
    Me punching you,
    And you begging me.

    Close the door, neighbor,
    And let me speak my mind.
    A verbal bludgeon through the night,
    And then again, and then again,
    When the morning comes.

    Come here, neighbor!

    Come here, neighbor,
    Let me brake your nose,

    Let me do,
    What I’m wont to do.

    Let me put whoop ass on you, neighbor!

    Mar 17, 2008 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Lurker

    In New York, where the winters are chilly
    (Much colder than Pittsburgh or Philly),
    I left the door open,
    And now I am hopin’
    My neighbors don’t gang up and kill me.

    Mar 18, 2008 at 7:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Jerke Wadde

    Notes to “close the door” piss me off. Uh, if you want the door to close completely, fix the fucking hydraulics on the door, cheapskate!

    Mar 26, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Andy bang

    This sign needs to be designed like the McDonald’s main sign… where they have the counter that shows how many hamburgers they’ve sold.

    Just put a little wheel with numbers on the back of the sign, and you’d be set. If you’re going to be crazy, might as well enjoy it.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 4:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     

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