What, no bubble letters?

March 26th, 2008 · 98 comments

Cameron in Hyde Park, New York brings us this “maybe not-so-classic dorm dispute: girl meets boy, girl likes boy, boy has girlfriend, girl obsesses over boy, boy’s female neighbors post rejection note from boy to girl, girl…threatens neighbors, artistically.”

MIND YOUR BUSINESS, BITCH!

FILED UNDER: college life · danger · disturbingly detailed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · MYOB · spurned lover


98 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Izzy

    Beware the five-headed monster…

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   secondsout bang

      `Twas young love, and the childish shite
      Did turn the heart and start the fight:
      All bitchy were the dorm’s young girls,
      And the gossip ’round them oft it swirls

      “Beware the Five-head Monster, son!
      The jaws that bite, the claws (71?) that catch!
      Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
      The gossipy Bee-yatch!”

      She took her purple pen in hand:
      Long time the PAN she wrote –
      Til posted she by the concrete wall,
      And stood awhile in thought.

      And, as in childish thought she stood,
      The Five Head Monster, eyes aflame,
      Came posting rejection on the wood,
      And burbled as it came!

      One, two! One, two! And through and through
      The purple pen went snicker-snack!
      She left the note, and with five heads
      She went galumphing back.

      “And, has thou slain the Five Head Beast?
      Come to my arms, said the taken boy!
      Shout til I’m deaf! I’ll dump my gf!’
      He chortled in his joy.

      `Twas young love, and the childish shite
      Will go off without a hitch:
      All bitchy were the dorm’s young girls,
      So mind your business bitch!

      Mar 26, 2008 at 2:00 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   amy d bang

      Well-done.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 2:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Canthz_B bang

      I’m feeling Jabber-shocky!!

      Pure art, that. :-D

      Mar 26, 2008 at 2:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Jessa

      that was exquisite!

      Sep 12, 2008 at 6:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   rachel loves nonsense

      j’aime j’aime j’aime this.

      Jan 30, 2009 at 9:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   claw71 bang

    OOOH a puzzle! Now do I cut on the dotted lines or connect the dots?

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   web diversions

    “cover your five head”? wha? is that some of the slang you kids are using these days?

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Leah057

      LOL. A five head is a forehead that is so large. it registers as a five on the head-o-meter :)

      May 23, 2008 at 6:11 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   dan

    five head!? what the devil?

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Huh?

    Heee – love the internet – you never have to be uncool while on-line. Thanks, urbandictionary.com.

    Seems like the girl needs some bangs.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   amy d bang

    From UrbanDictionary.com:

    Five head: A very large forehead – 25% larger in fact. Too big to be a four head so we have to call it a five head

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mermaid bang

      As in “you can fit five fingers across your forehead”.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 10:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Lorelie

      My life was absolutely incomplete without that knowledge.

      (No, seriously. I obsess and it was killing me that I didn’t know wtf that meant.)

      Mar 26, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   web diversions

      oh lord. that’s right up there with “cankles”

      Mar 26, 2008 at 11:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   mamason bang

      I can’t get past this whole five head thing. Fivehead makes no sense to me. No one has a fourhead. We have foreheads. Perhaps a before and after head then, for those who are amply blessed?

      Mar 26, 2008 at 1:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   claw71 bang

      It’s a reference to snaps.

      Yeah, well yo’ mamma so bald she don’t even got a fo’ head, bitch be runnin’ ’round wit a five head.

      It’s not a good joke, but when you’re 12 snaps into a battle you take what you can get.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 1:33 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Meagan

      No, Claw isn’t racist at all. Between his so-called jokes in the last post and this gem of prejudice right here I can’t even fathom why you people indulge him.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 3:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   Canthz_B bang

      Oh! Meagan! Thank God!!!
      I knew I’d left my stick somewhere.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 3:29 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   mamason bang

      What stick, CB? ;-)

      Mar 26, 2008 at 3:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   unholyghost2003 bang

      the one used to flog the dead horse mama

      Mar 26, 2008 at 4:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   bob wong

      Silly me. I thought it was a reference to the one up Meagan’s butt.

      Mar 27, 2008 at 5:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   Whyyy?

      Yeah, that was my take. The missing stick, up the wazoo.

      Mar 27, 2008 at 9:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.12   Whyyy?

      Oh, yeah…Mamason-this is Amazon(cvm that is). Glad to see you back.

      Mar 27, 2008 at 9:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.13   mamason bang

      Whyyy? thank you! ;-)

      Mar 27, 2008 at 9:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   amy d bang

    So, if it’s female neighbors, i.e. more than one, shouldn’t it be

    MIND YOUR BUSINESS BITCHES

    ??

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Epiphany

      Isn’t it obvious? They’re not English majors!

      Mar 26, 2008 at 12:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   The Other Commenter

    I love the dancing ants. Really makes that “bitch” pop.

    As for the danger-danger border, that’s just getting the “fire in the Taco Bell” song stuck in my head… which isn’t unpleasant either. All the way around, this is delectable. The addition to my slang vocabulary is just gravy.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   claw71 bang

    The “Five Head” (bald) reference makes me think of Sinead O’Connor…

    It took several hours and felt-tipped pens
    to square this note away
    I snuck in to the dorm and used scotch tape
    to post this note this way

    You dumb bald bitch you can’t do whatever you want
    Fight with me you’ll lose
    So when you wake up you can go and read my taunt
    But nothing, I said nothing can make me defuse.

    Mind your business
    Mind your buiness, you fool.

    Danger Danger Danger, my dear
    with skulls and bones in lines so long
    Can you see the rage that’s bubbling inside me
    I don’t even care if I’m wrong
    I can throw my hands around your skinny neck
    and squeeze until you turn blue
    I talked to my shrink and he said I was crazy
    stone cold crazy
    So I stabbed him in the eye with a sharp little multi tool, that’s what I do

    Mind your business
    Mind your business, you fool.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Juliet bang

      I can hear Sinead singing it so clearly.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Sam

    That…is twelve flavors of special. (P.S. I already knew what a five-head was. I know an unfortunate girl who has one.)

    And the lady who wrote the note spent WAAAAY too much time on that.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   t

    passive? agressive

    Mar 26, 2008 at 9:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    “Danger…hugs and kisses” has got to be rated as, well just plain odd.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 10:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   amazon

      I want to believe that those are tiny representations of skulls and crossbones.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Canthz_B bang

      I think you’re right, amazon.
      Probably shrew skulls.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 12:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   mmm

    I like! This note is classy. It is more than a note, it is like a campaign poster. Clean lines, not too wordy, artistic, nice slam of the opponent at the end. This chic is going places.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 10:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Brian

      Exactly. You don’t want too much copy on your PA note. Liberal use of white space.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 12:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   secondsout bang

      Apparently there’s a fair amount of white space on some young college girl’s forehead.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 4:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Juliet bang

    As P-A notes go, it’s rather fancy. Someone spent some time on it.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 10:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Quite Contrary

      There’s no reason PA notes can’t be fancy. It’s nice to see some class! Honestly, I’m impressed with the layout, design and look and feel of this note. It almost makes me overlook the really pathetic behavior that led up to it.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 11:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   john

      i agree completely. it’s refreshing that she (i’m assuming here) took the time to create a note so full of hate but still pleasing to the eye! and how many times have we seen “you’re” instead of “your” and vice versa. bravo!

      Mar 29, 2008 at 10:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Joe

    I thought the same thing. I guess she was too lazy (and artistically challenged?) to draw a full skull and crossbones a few score times. But the lazy way out makes it look more like Xs and Os.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 10:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   claw71 bang

    Five Head shouldn’t be down on herself. Helen Hunt and Tyra Banks both sport foreheads that just don’t quit. What’s even more amazing is that they’re both extremely annoying. Tyra seems pretty nosey and Helen’s got that pointy face that makes you want to slap her.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   amy d bang

      Good argument for five head not to be down on herself. What?

      Mar 26, 2008 at 10:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   GhostWriter bang

      Director: “I’m trying to cast a real she-devil with a fivehead. Ya got one I can go to?”

      Agent: “Go to Hell, ‘n hunt for one.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   c-lo

    you know it’s serious when she spends time making stitch-work(?) around the word bitch

    Mar 26, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   cre8tivewmn bang

      That’s what I thought. Stitch-bitch. Awesome note. If only it had more exclamation points!

      Mar 26, 2008 at 11:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Sarah bang

    Between the “DANGER”s and the purple skulls, I think there must be more going on with this note. Someone should check it for anthrax, or deadly acid, or something.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 10:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   amy d bang

      You might be on to something. With that reasoning, the “Cover your five head” is a warning. I believe the five head is the target of the acid, since it’s so big and all.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 10:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   se

    I want to see the rejection note that she is responding to…

    Mar 26, 2008 at 10:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Aijaz bang

    I wish my 7-year-old daughter’s poster-board report on Tennessee looked this good. Next year, I should have her just print out this gem and submit it.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Tyler bang

    From the looks of this poster, I think the author probably scrapbooks in her free time…scrapbooks of rage…

    Mar 26, 2008 at 11:25 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   pistola

      LOL, scrapsbooks of rage is going to be my next band name.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 12:46 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Sue Do Nim bang

    Looks like somebody is feeling guilty about her PA note and has to pretty it up to disguise her rage.
    Well, that or she’s psychotic.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 11:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Coke-aholic bang

    This note definitely shows the tendencies of a bunny boiler!

    Mar 26, 2008 at 11:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   GhostWriter bang

    Those are some lame skull and crossbones. Combine that with the lack of the word, “wench” or any sailing terms, and you’ll agree that our not poster’s no pirate.

    …although “cover your fivehead” does sound like a resaonable reply to, “hoist the mizzenmast.”

    Mar 26, 2008 at 11:49 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Quite Contrary

    She’ll make a great Junior Leaguer.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    “Five Head” is considered a high-brow comment in some circles.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 12:07 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   secondsout bang

    The thing warns about impending danger. Danger of what? Hurling a few more insults that people have to look up on the urban dictionary?

    Mar 26, 2008 at 12:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   secondsout bang

    I’m also wondering just exactly what a business bitch is, and why I should mind such a person.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   sprucemoose bang

      Her name is Debbie, and was the site manager where I used to work. If you didn’t mind her, you got fired.

      Mar 29, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   mere bang

    i want to see the other notes that lead to this gigantor note.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 12:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   jean_luc_turbo

    Perhaps there needs to be a 99 level class as to how to make threatening dorm room signs? This has such a 21st Century Peter Pan quality about it…

    Mar 26, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   claw71 bang

    Don’t miss PAN-a-palooza 2008!

    Featuring performances by:

    Anthony Grosso and his international hit: Killing Me Terry

    The Vanishing Teacups

    The Children

    and many others.

    Select engagements will also feature performances by:

    Scrapbooks of Rage and their hit single Danger

    and of course The Business Bitches have reunited and will perform their hits with new lead singer Five Head

    Tickets are on sale now! Don’t miss it.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 1:01 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   amy d bang

      Will Washed in the Blood of Jesus be reuniting for the concert only?

      Mar 26, 2008 at 1:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Mermaid bang

      Special guest appearance on the side stage by HEISA MONSTER, too!

      Mar 26, 2008 at 1:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   anglophile bang

      Isn’t the band name actually The Childern?

      Mar 26, 2008 at 1:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   Wade bang

      I don’t know about all that.

      But apparently there is a group called Fivehead.

      From their myspace page: “Don’t call it a comeback? Call it a humble re-beginning.” :D

      Mar 26, 2008 at 1:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   Canthz_B bang

      Opening act: Impatient Mexicans…?

      They just couldn’t wait.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 2:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.6   ...

      Don’t forget to pick up your souvenir concert unitard…

      Mar 26, 2008 at 5:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.7   ALA bang

      Wait…Garden Gnomes for Jesus was just added to the line-up!

      Mar 27, 2008 at 8:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.8   mere bang

      will it all be fucking delicious?

      Mar 27, 2008 at 1:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.9   Sarah bang

      I didn’t know Five Head was still making music. I mean, everyone’s covering her stuff, but still.

      Mar 27, 2008 at 4:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.10   Jay

      don’t forget “Couchsleeping Molly Hatchet”

      Apr 1, 2008 at 4:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Suhayla

    This really is a lovely note. Aside from what looks like a false start on the B in Business, it’s really well put together. No crappy clipart. Personalization at the end a great touch. The open-ended threat is classic.

    Though, I too would like to see the rejection note.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 1:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Set To Evil

    Danger Danger Danger, Bitch Robinson Danger!!!!!

    Mar 26, 2008 at 1:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Wade bang

      Kudos, Set To Evil!! :D

      I have been trying all day to figure out how to work Lost In Space into a comment.

      come to think of it, the whole cast had fivehead

      Mar 26, 2008 at 1:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Heidi

    Oh cute! She has dotted lines for “Bitch” just in case they wanted to clip it out like a coupon! ;)

    Mar 26, 2008 at 1:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Ana

    Girly writing? Check. Colored sharpies? Check.
    Insane sorority queen? Check. Cute skulls n’ crossbones? Check.

    Gotta give this effort a solid A!

    Mar 26, 2008 at 4:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Quite Contrary

      If she used sharpies, I’d have to give her an A-. Using Martha Stewart craft pens would make it an A+!

      Mar 26, 2008 at 4:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   Martha

      If only she’d put the note on handmade paper. That truly would have been a good thing.

      Mar 26, 2008 at 6:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   TuesdayPillow

    So uh, what is the guy doing in this? Can he not take care of his problems himself – he needs a bunch o’ bitches to do his rejecting for him?

    I’ll bet HE has a threehead.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 11:28 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Agent Inspired

    Oh man, this note is awesome. I think I’d like to meet this girl… IF she didn’t look to be a little bit touched (in the fivehead).

    Mar 27, 2008 at 6:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   YiddischeMama

    I love this one!

    As a Grammar Nazi, I would like to point out that the lack of a comma after “business,” makes the sentence into a delightfully-accurate characterization of the note-writer.

    Viz.:

    “Mind your business, bitch!” =
    “Please do not look over my shoulder, Lassie!”

    but

    “Mind your business bitch!” =
    “Beware of Me!”

    Also, I agree with those who think that the postscript (which, in Paper Correspondence from the World of the Literate, belongs only after the “Signature” component of a letter, but I digress) sounds like a person who’s jealous of someone else’s recording equipment and wishes that the Five-Head Audio/Video Recording Machine were covered.

    This is the kind of note that makes me all misty-eyed with nostalgia for grade school, when I could get away with putting ice cubes down the backs of people like this.

    Apr 5, 2008 at 6:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   jen

    oh my god the little skulls. when she is on her death bed, she’ll wish she had that time back.

    Jun 20, 2008 at 9:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   yellowcroissant541 bang

    aw
    what a cute note.

    Jan 31, 2009 at 11:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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  • #49   squackads

    Brown recently released a video in which he apologizes for his actions: “I had a chance to live those moments again. But, unfortunately, I can’t. I cannot go into what happened and, most importantly, I’m not going to sit here and make any excuses. I take great pride in me being able to exercise self-control and what I did was inexcusable. I am very sad and very ashamed at what I’ve done.”
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    Aug 21, 2009 at 8:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Payoreerohica

    Speeks the truth in my eyes what do you all think?
    [url=http://www.greendoc.net/view/356569/dont_take_the_children_to_the_cinema]Don’t Take The Children To the CInema[/url]

    Sep 22, 2009 at 3:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   lindasussed

    Hi Guys,
    Just joined up, thought i would say Hi

    Sep 29, 2009 at 10:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   Girls gone wild…with colored markers | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] What, no bubble letters? [...]

    Apr 7, 2010 at 12:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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