Well, our anonymous contributor in Pompano Beach, Florida has one for you.
He explains: “I keep a gym membership so that I can feel good about my financial commitment to my health — not so much for the actual health benefits per se. I hadn’t been to the gym in at least two months when I came across this note posted by the showers. (My shower at home was being worked on.) I’m glad I make it a habit to wear sandals in the shower during my quarterly visits.”
related: The Mad Bomber
99 responses so far ↓
#1
Chipmunk
This is why you don’t go to the gym and do an hour of cardio after eating two plates of Nachos Bell Grande and downing a Mega Gulp gallon bucket of cola.
Mar 28, 2008 at 2:12 am rating: 10
#2
stefanynina
Ok THAT is restraint!
Mine would say ” Are you fucking kidding me?? Who shit in the shower? Asshole!”
But that’s just me..
ok maybe there wouldn’t be punctuation
Mar 28, 2008 at 2:24 am rating: 16
#3
Glad 2 B N Tennessee
Ewww! That’s why I don’t go to the gym at all.
Makes me want to ask the really stupid question…”Why would anyone want to do that?” But I really don’t want to know the answer.
Mar 28, 2008 at 2:25 am rating: 0
#4
Troy McClure
Wow. Who’s that sign going to stop? The culprit will see the sign and think, what, “oh no, they’re onto me”?
Mar 28, 2008 at 2:34 am rating: 6
#5
honeyedhemlock
Yikes. If he shit in the shower, I’m sure all that grunting while on the machines produced some Hershey squirts on the equipment. Clorox, anyone?
Mar 28, 2008 at 4:51 am rating: 7
#6
amy d
I can think of several more reasons they could have added to the note:
…this is not the place for defecation, the toilet is.
…it’s disgusting.
…nobody likes cleaning up someone else’s shit.
…that shit is trifling.
Mar 28, 2008 at 5:40 am rating: 5
#7
Wade
Maybe someone was singing the shower and hit the brown note.
Mar 28, 2008 at 6:16 am rating: 8
#8
Olivia
Oh, God, this is outrageously funny.
I’m a bit worried that the stupid Cro-Magnon – the kind who would actually poo in a public shower – will be a bit confused by the wordier second sentence.
Mar 28, 2008 at 6:22 am rating: 1
#9
pry
hmm…now this seems like the appropriate time to not leave such a polite note. defecation? go ahead, curse a little.
Mar 28, 2008 at 7:12 am rating: 1
#10
JPav
I like that the explanation of ‘why’ someone shouldn’t poo in the shower is longer than the actual request. Something like ‘no pooing in the shower’ should really be self expanitory.
Mar 28, 2008 at 7:28 am rating: 2
#11
Grimfool_Reluctant
If you really need to post a sign telling people not to shit in public showers . . . aren’t you just wasting your writing time and my reading time?
Mar 28, 2008 at 7:43 am rating: 1
#12
RALPHY
This person must be an idiot! Every here knows that you should go to the office and shit in the trash can.
Mar 28, 2008 at 7:58 am rating: 4
#13
GhostWriter
OK, it’s unsanitary, but to truly be considered hazardous waste, you have to have eaten one of Zapata’s Nuclear Diablo burritos.
…or a vial of mercury.
Mar 28, 2008 at 8:12 am rating: 2
#14
Bwahahahaha
Sweet Jesus! I can’t stop laughing.
Mar 28, 2008 at 8:15 am rating: 2
#15
Coke-aholic
Gee and I was just worrying about catching Athlete’s foot when I went to the gym! This note makes me want to wear a biohazard suit the next time I go to the gym.
Mar 28, 2008 at 8:18 am rating: 10
#16
park rose
Okay, I’ve got the two lines, and hope that all the song-writing genii can improve and finish it off – of course I’ve done hardly any work – but to the tune of
The Teddy Bears’ Picnic
If you go into the shower today, be sure of a great surprise,
If you go into the shower today, you won’t believe your eyes…
Mar 28, 2008 at 8:43 am rating: 3
#17
Quite Contrary
I’m not clear why they weren’t even more direct, as in, “would you do this at home?” Wait, never mind. I don’t want to know.
Mar 28, 2008 at 8:45 am rating: 0
#18
GhostWriter
On a totally unrelated note, my bottle of pumice body scrub cracked open in the shower the other day. What a waste of $6.99.
Mar 28, 2008 at 8:47 am rating: 1
#19
Beth
Holy crap!
That’s worse than the sign in the locker room at our gym that said, “Please throw away your nail clippings.” The nasty stuff people do. :/
Mar 28, 2008 at 8:58 am rating: 1
#20
Katzndogz
A good April Fool’s Day joke at that gym would be to leave an Almond Joy on the floor of the shower.
Mar 28, 2008 at 9:28 am rating: 3
#21
Jen
I worked in college administration for years – overseeing dorm life… Not only did this occur more than once – but they actually fingerpainted with it on the shower stalls… I have come to accept that some human behavior is unexplainable…
Mar 28, 2008 at 9:37 am rating: 2
#22
thrall38
Why do people insist on writing things that cannot be unread and saying things that cannot be unheard? Yikes.
Mar 28, 2008 at 10:55 am rating: 0
#23
Brian
I have to agree with several others – this sign isn’t likely to change a shower shitter’s mind. I can’t see them saying, “Oh, it’s unsanitary? My bad. I didn’t know. I’ll stop.”
Mar 28, 2008 at 11:05 am rating: 4
#24
Bellabeastie
These must be the same people from the thrift store dressing room…
OMG I am completely grossed out.
Mar 28, 2008 at 11:08 am rating: 1
#25
Jim - Just a Guy
What in the blue hell is some one doing shitting n a public shower?
Holy fuck sticks! Can imagine walking in to the shower and seeing a fresh pile on the floor.
Mar 28, 2008 at 11:19 am rating: 0
#26
Detective Julie
“Okay team, how can we make sure membership declines drastically?”
“Make them think about our showers being polluted with poop?”
“Great idea, make the sign, Billy.”
Mar 28, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: 4
#27
Bellabeastie
I kinda wonder about our note-submitter. He makes a “financial commitment to his health” ??? WTF – just so you can say you belong to a gym?
Team All Show And No Go Poo In The Shower
Mar 28, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: 1
#28
Tyler
Hmm, maybe it is an issue of the author using the wrong word. Perhaps they wanted to sound smart and used the word “defecate” when they just wanted people to stop peeing in the shower. (Which would lead you to the next question: Do they think mankind will ever stop peeing in the shower?)
Mar 28, 2008 at 11:43 am rating: 3
#29
carolm0108
I have been reading pan for a while and I had to chime in for this one. I just joined a gym that has a locker room with lots of amenities but no showers. I was wondering why but now I am kinda thankful!
Mar 28, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: 1
#30
Animal Andy
Bah, you Americans are crazy. Shit in the sink like everybody else.
Mar 28, 2008 at 1:08 pm rating: 2
#31
Sarah
Don’t Speak, by No Doubt.
Every day
I used to take a shower
After working out in the gym
I really feel
They’re now unsanitary
I can’t believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you’re pooping there
And if it’s real
Well I don’t want to know
Don’t shit
I know just what you’re doing
So please stop defecating
Onto the shower floor
Don’t shit
I don’t want to see it
I don’t need to clean it
Don’t shit there anymore
Mar 28, 2008 at 1:10 pm rating: 11
#32
writer, rejected
Once in college I visited a friend at Cornell University during one crazy party weekend, and some dude got rip roaring drunk and took a shit in the shower. It was disgusting. I guess that’s what people learn at the Ivy Leagues. Scatological Studies. No wonder it’s happening in gyms all over America. Where do you think those old Cornell Frat Brothers end up?
Mar 28, 2008 at 2:11 pm rating: 2
#33
GhostWriter
Today’s Game: Replace the word, “defecating”
(a) defoliating
(b) fornicating
(c) lighting firecrackers jammed into turds
(d) …?
Mar 28, 2008 at 2:17 pm rating: 4
#34
Canthz_B
Did not have time to read all of the comments, so I hope I am not repeating…
Any shower shitter is by definition an asshole!
Mar 28, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: 1
#35
Mishee
I do have to say, that I sure hope it wasn’t Rocket Poo
Mar 28, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: 1
#36
Phishisgr8
No one yet? Really?
That shit was fucking delicious!
Mar 28, 2008 at 3:37 pm rating: 5
#37
tlyzer
hmm, hmm, hmm… I think I’ll check out the PAN website and see what’s new.
What’s this? An excuse for not going to the gym? I’m always looking for a good excuse not to go to the gym.
WTF?????
*calls to husband*
“Honeeeee, call the gym. We’re cancelling our membership NOW!”
Mar 28, 2008 at 5:20 pm rating: 1
#38
Heidi
That warrents an ASS kicking!!!! That sign is too passive aggressive! I would seriously punch someone who did that! WTF!!!
Mar 28, 2008 at 6:02 pm rating: 0
#39
Canthz_B
When you allow shitheads loose in your gym, you end up with loose shit in the heads!
Mar 28, 2008 at 7:14 pm rating: 2
#40
vamessedup
If they really wanted to be PA about it, they’d remove the shower curtains/doors and put up a sign saying, “Want your privacy back? Take it up with whomever is shitting in the showers.”
Mar 29, 2008 at 5:00 am rating: 3
#41
summer
When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. One should only shit down a drain though, if it can be determined beforehand that said shit will be loose enough to go down, every last scrap of it.
Mar 29, 2008 at 10:16 am rating: 0
#42
rather be fishing
I think this is a fake. It’s stolen from an R.E.M song called It’s the end of the gym as we know it (and I feel fine):
That’s great it starts with a hip shake
Turds and snake and turtle heads
Lenny Bruce is not ashamed…
Eye of a brown star
listen to your guts churn
world serves its own stink
don’t forget your own stink
shower curtain closed think
grunt, no, grin
bladder, not your bladder
this is straight up sphinc
Burning like a fire
while you’re trying to get cleaner
a gymnasium for hire
and a hot dump site
Lay some cable
grow a stinger
in the shower
press it down the drain.
Other members sick and baffled
trumped infected crapped
on uh oh overflow population self control
squat yourself strain yourself
world serves its own stink
listen to your fart free
dummy with the colon and you
never need to flush. Flush?
you encorpretic enema
slam fart brown drain brain
feeling pretty shite
It’s the end of the gym as we know it
It’s the end of the gym as we know it
It’s the end of the gym as we know it
and i feel fine
Six o’clock BM shower
Don’t get caught
Diarrhea
Splash and burn return listen to your guts churn…
that’s all I have time for. you’re welcome.
Mar 29, 2008 at 4:06 pm rating: 6
#43
aaa
Jesus wouldn’t poop in the shower, and he was born in a barn.
Mar 29, 2008 at 9:45 pm rating: 1
#44
b13
Why, why, why would you even have to think that this would need to be mentioned? One to many squats perhaps?
Mar 30, 2008 at 12:40 am rating: 0
#45
summer
Jesus poops?!
Mar 30, 2008 at 10:59 am rating: 1
#46
Writerrejected
Yes. Isn’t that the shortest sentence in the Bible? “Jesus pooped.”
Mar 30, 2008 at 3:06 pm rating: 1
#47
Ange
omg this is so gross
Mar 30, 2008 at 3:52 pm rating: 0
#48
unholyghost2003
I am with the poster who said that this indicates the type of membership this gym has. ALSO it indicates the type of administration this gym has. Back in my days running a gym if I found a turd in the shower there would be no signs. There would be a quiet HUNT for the miscreant and then the rain of hellfire and brimstone, not to mention the revocation of the person’s gym membership.
HELLO gym admins! You know the person was MALE and approx. when it happened. (I HOPE that the shit wasn’t sitting there for HOURS before staff did a cleaning check and/or a client mentioned it. With this info you should be able to figure out who it was.
Mar 31, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: 0
#49
mamason
Shit happens.
Mar 31, 2008 at 8:29 pm rating: 0
#50
DH
To the person/people they had to write that sign for….Congratulations! Noone on earth is lazier than you & you’re probably going to hell.
That is all.
Apr 3, 2008 at 3:38 pm rating: 0
#51
izzy
solid with solid.
poop with toilet.
liquid with liquid.
piss with water
pissing is to be done in shower, it is liquid!
Apr 6, 2008 at 10:25 am rating: 0
#52 i do, however, have a very charming coat rack
[...] if you needed an excuse to skip the gym today [...]
Jul 17, 2008 at 12:30 am rating: 0
#53
Lady
I think its amazing when my CAT shits in the shower when his box is too dirty for his tastes. He barfs in there too, and it is so easy to clean up as opposed to the rugs. But a people should know better- a toilet is the ONLY place to go. Unless you are the pope in the woods with the Charmin bears.
Aug 2, 2008 at 3:22 pm rating: 3
#54 the joker
[...] related: if you needed an excuse to skip the gym today [...]
Jan 5, 2009 at 10:00 am rating: 0
#55
Admiral Ganja
I used to work on a ferry between Sweden and Germany, sometimes i took an extra shift cleaning cabins, I can say that if there had been a german truckdriver in there, the chanse of shit in the shower was around 65%.
May 4, 2009 at 1:59 am rating: 0
#56
Matthew
SHIT!
Aug 27, 2009 at 5:16 am rating: 0
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