A lesson in crime

March 30th, 2008 · 58 comments

Finding funny-haha Engrish signs in Japan is almost too easy, but Biella from New York didn’t settle for cheap laughs during her trip. “Your English is good,” one might say, but this club’s “advisory” about the Tokyo police is pure paranoiac gold.

a lesson in crime

extra credit: Uniformed vigilantes patrol tokyo streets to intimidate slackers [boingboing.net]

FILED UNDER: Clearly a non-native English speaker · exclamation-point happy!!!! · high on highlighter · Tokyo


58 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Katie

    Team Slacker Cops!

    Mar 30, 2008 at 8:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Stanley Pringle

      Believing Tokyo cops are on the take, thereby turning a blind eye to a loosely-affiliated group of 4chan users-turned-highwaymen run by some neo-Bill Sikes == paranoid

      Believing that Tokyo cops are slackers != paranoid

      Apr 7, 2008 at 12:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   anglophile bang

    Hope the policemen don’t know English and can’t read the sign!

    Mar 30, 2008 at 8:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Wade bang

    I hate it when policemen pat roll.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 8:39 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Suhayla

    Don’t. Trust. ANYONE. Especially today.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 8:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Crash bang

      Can I trust you on that ?
      And does this advice apply when I meet ANYONE tomorrow too…?

      Mar 30, 2008 at 9:17 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Troy McClure bang

    I want to get a job in the Tokyo police, so I can have more time to spend on PAN.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 8:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   anglophile bang

      Like you don’t spend enough time here already? :P

      Mar 30, 2008 at 8:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   park rose bang

      are you pat rolling the thread, ‘glo? or just Troy?

      Mar 30, 2008 at 9:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Troy McClure bang

      Fine. I can take a hint….

      Mar 30, 2008 at 9:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   anglophile bang

      NO! Don’t go! I’m sorry!

      *clings to his ankle desperately as he tries to leave*

      Mar 30, 2008 at 10:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Troy McClure bang

      Hey! Where’d my warret go??

      Stopu zat rady!

      Mar 30, 2008 at 10:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   Canthz_B bang

      So solly! Rook in you reft blest pocket!

      Mar 30, 2008 at 11:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   Troy McClure bang

      Oh yes, false alarm. I was thinking AΦ had an ulterior motive for grabbing my trousers.

      Mar 30, 2008 at 11:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   anglophile bang

      :twisted: I did.

      Mar 30, 2008 at 11:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.9   Troy McClure bang

      What kind of crub is zis?

      Mar 30, 2008 at 11:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Crash bang

    Damn…I knew that little ol’ crippled lady looked suspicious….
    How many pat rolls has she been through anyway ?

    Mar 30, 2008 at 9:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Sary

    Just wanted to point out, “Your English Is Good” is a song by Tokyo Police Club. Funny coincidence that that phrase and the words ‘club’ and ‘tokyo police’ are all in the same sentence :]

    Mar 30, 2008 at 9:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Troy McClure bang

      I doubt it’s a coincidence. The PAN goddess is omniscient.

      Mar 30, 2008 at 9:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Capt. Not-so-obvious

      …especially since the title of the post is also the name of one of their EPs. Random indie rock references FTW!

      Mar 30, 2008 at 9:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Writerrejected bang

      She is very clever, the one who knows all and brings us the PAN blessings. Very clever.

      Mar 30, 2008 at 9:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   amy d bang

      Coincidentally, the sentence Just for the rcord in the sign also fits this theme.

      Mar 31, 2008 at 8:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Canthz_B bang

    Pat deserved to be rolled. She used to steal wallets and other stuffs.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 9:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    Today’s crime rate may be skyrocketing, but that’s just an afternoon delight.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 9:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Crash bang

    Slackers disguising themselves as police men so that they can roll Pat and steal her wallet…

    Mar 30, 2008 at 9:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Writerrejected bang

    The paranoia of everyone around you possibly being a thief does deserve your “attention.” And stuffs.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 10:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Beth

    I’ve been described as a slacker. Does that mean I’m really a Tokyo cop? I do love the sushi.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 10:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Nate

    who taught them to cut their words up like that? pat-rolling? It took me 10 minutes to figure out what they were trying to say

    Mar 30, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Suhayla

    maybe ‘pat’ is another word for spliff… which may explain why they’re such slackers. hmm.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 10:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Chipmunk

    Oh, it’s nothing to worry about. They don’t want my actual attention, they want my “attention”. Which, of course, means they want me to pay attention to it sarcastically.

    Okay SURE, Tokyo, I’ll DEFINITELY watch my stuffs.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 10:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   TuesdayPillow

    I’m a little confused – they are “just slackers”? Does that mean they slack off in a fair and equitable manner or that they are merely slackers?

    Someone please clarify this, as my eyes are bleeding in bewilderment.

    Mar 30, 2008 at 10:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   marcopuffin bang

      it doesn’t feel fair and equitable to Pat.

      Mar 31, 2008 at 7:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   park rose bang

      As they are policemen, the fact that they are just slackers in the first sense that t-pillow details, could set our hearts at ease when they pat roll us.

      Mar 31, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   amy d bang

    Today’s crime rate is skyrocketing!!!

    Maybe so but everyone knows that the sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun.

    And with that, you can not accuse me of being a Pollyanna.

    Mar 31, 2008 at 8:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Sarah bang

      I can’t bet my bottom dollar. I forgot to keep my eye on my wallet, as well as my other stuffs. Now I don’t have a bottom dollar.

      Mar 31, 2008 at 10:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   GhostWriter bang

    I walked into the village tavern, intending to recruit a high-level Cleric for our quest, but everyone around me turned out to be a thief, and I lost my +3 ring of speed to a pickpocket because the knights patrolling the area are just slackers.

    RIP Gary Gygax

    Mar 31, 2008 at 8:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   JPav

    I knew Pat Rolling and you, officer, are no Pat Rolling.

    Mar 31, 2008 at 9:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   park rose bang

    P.A. trolling – from one glorious thread to the next.

    Mar 31, 2008 at 9:05 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   GhostWriter bang

    Upon closer inspection, the blue highlighting is as intricate as an ancient Japanese ivory carving.

    Mar 31, 2008 at 10:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   GhostWriter bang

    After the record is over, you may look at anything you like…

    …but just for the record, keep them on your wallet.

    Mar 31, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   momoff19904 bang

    That’s pretty bad.

    Mar 31, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   dan

    this is actually an old trick by pickpockets. they put up a sign saying “watch your wallets” and then sit near the sign. they casually watch people walk by and upon seeing the sign, reach for their wallets to make sure the wallets are still safe, at the same time showing the pickpocket watching exactly where they keep their wallets in the first place, so they can easily rob them later. also, tourists are the best, which is clearly the target of this little caper. not to assume the store knows about it, the thief probably asked to put the sign up…

    Mar 31, 2008 at 11:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   unholyghost2003 bang

    For me the best bit is that the crime rate in English speaking counties (esp. in major metropolitan areas) is vastly higher than Tokyo. So while it could be supposed that an English language sign is aimed at people from English speaking countries, I think most native English speakers in a major metropolitan area would be pleasantly surprised by the realization that if they ARE unfortunate enough to be victims of street crime it is just their wallet being discretely lifted from their pocket without the application of sharp knives or waving guns.

    I suppose my point is, the Yakuza not withstanding, even crime is more polite there yet the Japanese are so appalled by what is considered a matter of course in the English speaking West, they feel the need to post signs stating what is obvious to westerners: i.e. when wandering in a densely packed metropolitan area, keep an eye on your wallet.

    Mar 31, 2008 at 11:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Freelance Guru

    Wow. now i totally feel safe. I like the idea of a just slacker.

    Mar 31, 2008 at 12:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Heidi

    ;)

    Mar 31, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Kittycat bang

    “Everyone around you could turn out to be a thief . . .” Does that mean when they grow up they’ll turn out to be a thief? Is that a dream held by Japanese youth?

    Mar 31, 2008 at 4:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   secondsout bang

      Even worse, can you imagine being in a crowd, and suddenly, they all turn around and every one of them turns to be a thief. Quite a scary scenario that one.

      Mar 31, 2008 at 5:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Suhayla

      Would that be what they refer to as a mexican standoff?

      Mar 31, 2008 at 5:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   mamason bang

    Where’s the haiku when we need one?

    Mar 31, 2008 at 8:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Wade bang

      Police rolling Pat
      Slacking as crime skyrockets
      And thieves multiply

      Mar 31, 2008 at 8:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Troy McClure bang

    Local cops are just
    Though sadly unvigilant.
    Whither my wallet?

    Mar 31, 2008 at 8:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Olivia bang

    Ha ha. I wonder what the good ol’ men in uniform thought after reading that.

    Apr 1, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   so if i start selling drugs i can drive an escalade, too?

    [...] related: tokyo police club [...]

    Nov 19, 2008 at 8:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Troy

    Lacks orthographical faults
    Not found here lest one counts breaks
    Of which I do not.

    Dec 3, 2008 at 2:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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