Why I hate Miami, exhibit a

April 6th, 2008 · 74 comments

The fact that nightclubs have to post notes like this one:

Please do not vomit in the urinals

(Thanks to Jeff in New York for passing along!)

related: going up?

FILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · bathroom · Florida · Miami · not so much passive-aggressive · vomit


74 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Canthz_B bang

    Please confine vomiting to the dance floor. Restrooms are for washing up and changing clothes only!

    Apr 6, 2008 at 9:27 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Lorelie

      Then where are we supposed to have the quickie with the random stranger? The coat room is so passe.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 9:05 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Beth

      That’s why God invented elevators.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 9:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   RunBarbara

      And also why He invented gyms…

      Apr 7, 2008 at 10:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      CB, restrooms are for doing DRUGS … not washing up.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Beth

    First no crapping in the showers, now no barfing in the urinals?? What is this world coming to!?!?!

    Apr 6, 2008 at 9:27 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Tyler bang

      I cringe to think of what we can’t do in the toilets…

      Apr 6, 2008 at 9:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   bellabeastie

      And no pooping in the dressing rooms of thrift stores..

      Team This Is Totally Grossing Me Out

      Apr 7, 2008 at 3:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   aaa

      Can’t poop in the trash cans either. Or when you’re going down the slide in the playground.

      (Yes, I’ve seen both happen. :/ )

      Apr 7, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   The_Great_G

      “Or when you’re going down the slide in the playground.”
      Was it at an Elementary school?

      Feb 18, 2009 at 2:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Wade bang

    … it disturbs the cockroaches.

    Apr 6, 2008 at 9:34 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    Any guy who can aim his puke that precisely deserves a replacement meal, not a PA note!

    *Unless he has a Beetlejuice head. :lol:

    Apr 6, 2008 at 9:37 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   bellabeastie

      heheheheeeeeeeee.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 3:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Sarah bang

    You know you’ve had too many when you even tentatively consider putting your face anywhere near a nightclub urinal.

    Apr 6, 2008 at 9:39 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   fantasy bang

    ….eeerrrgggg! I cannot errg..comment…right erg now I will go now..uuurrhgg…sorry.

    Apr 6, 2008 at 9:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   RALPHY

    I can understand this request. The chunkies and sliders clog the pink strainer/deordorizer. Take it to the toilet and try to puke you socks up!

    Apr 6, 2008 at 10:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Crash bang

    Okay, What if he’s so drunk that he pukes in the urinals, washes his hands in the toilet, then drains the lizard in the sink…
    That’s an awesome scenario…too bad it’s only enough to produce one note though.

    Apr 6, 2008 at 11:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   anglophile bang

      Drain the lizard? Bwahahaha!

      Apr 7, 2008 at 5:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Zorin

    Uhmmm… two things

    a) They’d rather you vomit on the floor, making a huge mess they have to clean up? and…

    b) Is someone who is about to hurl really going to take the time to read a sign? No, he’s going to look for the best possible place to hurl without causing a lot of damage or hurling on someone, and that’s if he’s still sober enough to care!

    Apr 6, 2008 at 11:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Coke-aholic bang

      Is it possible to damage something by hurling on it?

      Apr 7, 2008 at 12:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   amazon bang

      Absolutely! I puked in the VIP section of a club (where my boyfriend was the bouncer, no less), and they had to replace the carpet. Classy, I know.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 12:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   claw71 bang

      I’m sure that the implication is that people should barf into the toilets but what they don’t tell you is that the coke addicts frequenting the clubs tend to get the shits and every stall is coated in a thick veneer of freshly sprayed poo.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 7:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Coke-aholic bang

      They also don’t tell you that it is common for cocaine addicts to do lines on the back of the toilets in clubs. I wonder if they get the shits before or after they do the lines? Either way, its pretty gross. Snorting shit filled cocaine….ewwww in so many ways.

      (By the way I am a Coca Cola-aholic, not a cocaine a holic! Just clearing that up.)

      Apr 7, 2008 at 9:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Beth

      And with that, I am so done with reading for the day!

      Apr 7, 2008 at 10:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   RunBarbara

      I threw up on my friend’s wedding dress while she was wearing it. Talk about damage. She got married in a table cloth toga and heels. Considering that she fed me vodka for about nine hours the night before, I stand by the fact that she totally had it coming. Also, they are divorced now. And she is a lesbian.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 10:11 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   pistola

      that’s a mouthful

      Apr 7, 2008 at 10:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   secondsout bang

      yeah, I’m with Zorin on this one. When you’re about to toss your cookies, you don’t often have time to consider things logically. You just look for the closest target and yak. I was at a club once pretty wasted, and someone had left a stinky deuce in the one toilet, which clogged it up. The rancid smell put me over the top, and I ended up puking in the trashcan. Oh, and I’ve puked in a urinal before, too. College days…

      Apr 7, 2008 at 1:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.9   Bellabeastie

      Wow RB – your friend got married in a table cloth toga & heels? I’ll bet the wedding pics of that disaster-in-the-making must be something else… Did you ever consider that you may have something to do with the whole divorce thing? Just asking.

      Team Nine Hours of Grey Goose Can Tend To Fuck You Up

      Apr 7, 2008 at 1:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.10   RunBarbara

      The table cloth was very nice, Ralph Lauren (ha! no pun intended) I believe. It was white and very soft, we rigged it with some double sided tape and a few safety pins. She looked pretty great, actually. I had nothing to do with the divorce, it was because she was a lesbian and got married to a guy anyway.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 3:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Jean-Luc Turbo

    Their saying “please” makes me question their seriousness with the offense, though…

    Apr 7, 2008 at 3:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Andy bang

    What I like is that the writer attempted to select a vomit-similar color for the font, instead of just black.

    It’s details like this that separate the professionals from the amateurs.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 4:31 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Suhayla

      That’s not black?

      Apr 7, 2008 at 7:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Andy bang

      Dang. It looked purple at home. Damn you, iMac!

      Apr 7, 2008 at 9:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   claw71 bang

    Alternate lyrics to Moon over Miami:

    Moon over Miami
    Shine on my former chili cheese
    let it show so I can blow
    where everybody pees

    Moon over Miami
    illuminate the urinal stall
    I feel queasy a little uneasy
    I need hurl it all

    Feel the cool suface of the gleaming porcelaine
    see, the pink cake invites you in
    bury it in meatloaf and green beans almondine
    then go back out and start over again

    Moon over Miami
    I can again imbibe
    A another shot, a bourbon kiss
    I feel Miami alive.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 7:31 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   GhostWriter bang

    I can’t help it! The sight of my own weiner makes me physically ill.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 8:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   fantasy bang

      Yes, they really aren’t very cute are they?

      hahaha….bodyparts! Funny to look at if you think about it too much ghostwriter! :twisted:

      Salty Balls? Where did that come from?

      Apr 7, 2008 at 8:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Coke-aholic bang

      It came from this, fantasy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ABGCMJPKwo

      Enjoy!

      Apr 7, 2008 at 9:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   park rose bang

      GhostWriter has more than one weiner, fantasy? Or are you talking about something else? I’d like to know what you two get up to ex-PANtheon. ;)

      Cheers, coke! But I’ll leave my comment. :)

      Apr 7, 2008 at 9:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   GhostWriter bang

      Technically, it’s only one, but it can assume multiple personalities. It’s best ones are: Viet Cong soldier, and Lou Costello (we do the whole “Who’s on First?” skit- it’s a gas, gas, gas.)

      Apr 7, 2008 at 9:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   mere bang

    what’s with all of these ‘rules’?
    i may as well just stay home then.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   unholyghost2003 bang

    I am on team Silly note! In the men’s room this can only be for drunks (if it were the ladies I might think it was for the bulimics who could possibly be stone cold sober and puking) any drunk to has it together enough to read and consider the sign when choosing a place to puke is unlikely to puke in the urinals in the first place, except for that RARE puker who knows he is going to blow, COULD wait for a stall to open up, but chooses the urinal instead. I would think that scenario would make up less that 5% of urinal puke.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 10:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   RunBarbara

      Does that consider the people who would rather just be a douche bag and barf in the urinal? ‘Cause if I was a drunk Miami guy in a shiny club shirt with spikey hair I might just want to be that defiant, even when I was wasted.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      As was previously mentioned … that would require putting your face in a nightclub urinal which would have the potential of flattening your spiky hair and getting your shiny shirt damp with urine. I would think that a sign such as this would only serve to INCREASE the number of defiant urinal pukers.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 10:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   RunBarbara

      Yeah, but what if I just shook my spikey hair around, adjusted the sunglasses I was wearing on the back of my neck and said: “Dude, that sign is GAY! HOOOOOOOOOGFFF!”. Then, with sticky fingers smelling of urinal cake, I would high-five my buddy and head back to the bar for Jager bombs.
      Either way, puking in a urinal stems from total douchebaggery OR incoherent drunky-smarts. Both are bad.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 10:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   claw71 bang

    Team moot point…

    Since 99.9% of the people who puke in urinals are too drunk to notice or too sick to notice the only thing this note will accomplish is to convince morons to do it as some sort of sick joke.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 11:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   secondsout bang

      Good point. I might add that it would also accomplish the feat of really grossing out your patrons, who would then never want to use your bathroom, and think twice about coming to your club.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 1:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   GhostWriter bang

    Did you not notice my elongated tail feathers, my auburn plumage, my three-foot wingspan? I’m a Russet Hawk, for Pete’s sake!

    Whenever I see something that even remotely resembles a wide-open white beak, I feel compelled to feed it by regurgitating. I don’t like it any more than you; yesterday I gave up an entire Bloomin’ Onion that way. It was supposed to be for my chicks!

    Apr 7, 2008 at 12:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   RunBarbara

      Maybe you should write a note to the urinal that reminds them not to starve your babies born or unborn of food that was intended for them…….

      Apr 7, 2008 at 1:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   claw71 bang

      Wasn’t Russet Hawk a Bruce Willis movie where he portrays a master burgular who gets black mailed into stealing potatoes from a corrupt rancher in Idaho who unscrupulously markets his bakers as free range?

      Apr 7, 2008 at 1:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   GhostWriter bang

      You’re talking about, “Hudson Hook” starring Rock Hudson. He plays a Master Sergeant blackballed into peeling potatoes on the USS Idaho.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 3:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   marcopuffin bang

    More practical surely to provide a dedicated puke receptacle with a pithy sign reading “Puke here”?

    Apr 7, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   secondsout bang

      Believe it or not, special puke receptacles exist. I saw some thing on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel about horse racing jockeys. Apparently in order for the jockeys to make weight, they often have to pull the trigger and make themselves barf. So they have special toilets called “flipping bowls” for the purpose of puking. Lovely!

      Apr 7, 2008 at 1:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   RunBarbara

      They had those in my highschool. They were called The Girls Bathrooms. You went there after a hardy lunch of saltines, diet Snapple and gum to make weight before The Hot Goth Guy In Your Art Class saw you. They also doubled as a place to put on too much eyeliner and bitch about how much you hated your parents.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 1:53 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Bellabeastie

      “flipping bowls”…. “ramekins”…. “pudding cups”.

      I’m beginning to see a pattern here……

      Apr 7, 2008 at 2:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   claw71 bang

    I’m surprised that more night clubs don’t market urinal barf as their “Happy Hour Buffet”

    Oooh! Look Sweetie, they have chicken noodle cobbler. MMMMM.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 1:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   claw71 bang

    Miami by Will Smith

    Here I am in the place where the chunks do blow
    Stalls all full but there’s a urinal
    Stale empanadas at the bar, happy hour, no pay
    bad beans, not OK get, out of my way
    drinking all day, house drinks cheap swill
    acid reflux in my esophagus spilled
    Now I’m a little ill so I’ll fill
    the first urinal I see, you bet I will
    Can y’all hear me? steaming, heaving
    wobbling and weaving
    Every last libation, kung pao shrimp and some Ken-L-Ration
    Mexican and a sandwich from the gas station
    All coming right up, I’m just sayin
    When I’ve got to puke I just ain’t playin
    My stomach’s flipping, twisting and ragin
    Miami’s got ways of makin you stay in.

    Party all night like you’re really slick
    Eat buffet food and you get sick
    Hurlin’ in Miami
    Vomito en Miami
    Face down sweatin on the urinal cake
    I should’ve known better than to eat that hake
    Puking in Miami
    Vomito en Miami

    Apr 7, 2008 at 1:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   RunBarbara

      You, sir, are GUILTY..of being a GENIUS.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 1:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Sundaeg1rl

    Don’t piss in the pint pots and put them back on the bar either!

    Apr 7, 2008 at 1:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   web diversions bang

    that’s just nasty. i’ll never think of miami the same.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 2:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Writer, Rejected

    It’s a reasonable request. Urinals get clogged up when the vom is chunky. And bar food is always chunky: nachos, tater skins, pretzels, etc. Now, if they started serving apple sauce and cream of cheddar soup, you’d have another story entirely.

    Apr 7, 2008 at 4:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Heidi

    Oh man!! I feel sick…must…make..it..to …thebathroom…..
    wha cant throw BLAHGGHHGGGG…*wipes mouth* up in here. ooops!

    Apr 7, 2008 at 5:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   secondsout bang

      I find it funny that numerous female posters have posted about the possibility of throwing up in a urinal. Beth, Heidi and Sarah seem to not only not be able to puke in the larger toilets, but also managed to run into the men’s rooms, too. Maybe like Lorelie, they’re in the men’s room for a quickie.

      Apr 7, 2008 at 5:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Heidi

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      Apr 7, 2008 at 5:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Sarah bang

      Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure my post was categorically against that possibility.

      Two does not equal numerous, statistically or otherwise.

      Apr 8, 2008 at 1:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   park rose bang

      The queue for the ladies is always so damned long.

      Apr 8, 2008 at 5:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   aykrmela

    Noboby Nobody has dared to say it till now, so…

    That vomit was f***ing delicious!!

    Apr 8, 2008 at 11:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Quite Contrary

      Did you ever stop to think there was a reason no one said this yet?

      Apr 8, 2008 at 12:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Joe

    One time at this rave this guy vomitted on my pants, then after I ran to the bathroom to wash it off he started vomiting in the sink causing it to clog and overflow as I scrambled to wash the last bit off before plunging my hand into that pukey bowl. Should I have left a note?

    Apr 8, 2008 at 5:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   fff.tocliextgilmilm

    You are using an outaged redirection service. There are a lot of them appeared last time.
    I have chosen [url=http://fff.to/]http://fff.to[/url] – especially because of nice redirection statistics,
    traffic distribution and no limitation.

    Oct 18, 2008 at 1:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   no, it’s not passive-aggressive

    [...] related: why i hate miami, exhibit a [...]

    Mar 28, 2009 at 1:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   free to be you and me

    [...] related: why i hate miami, exhibit a [...]

    Apr 12, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   seetumail bang

    I don’t agree with tthe views. i just love MIami.but it’s about personal opinion. i just believe it’s heaven to all
    Eliza
    Fort Lauderdale homes for sale

    May 26, 2009 at 11:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   victor perard

    Am I the only person who found that the slang verb “york” is sometimes used to describe vomitus? So New York had an entirely different connotation to me when I read from whence this sign came?

    Jun 25, 2009 at 5:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   The sausage fest of horrors | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] related: Why I hate Miami [...]

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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