Originally unearthed from outside the hallowed Conde Nast cafeteria in July 2001, this digital-age relic provides a quaint look back at those halcyon days among the New York media elite — back when Gawker was still just a glint in Nick Denton’s eye, young Anna Wintour acolytes were still stuck in the induction phase of the Atkins diet, and print media still seemed to maybe, sort-of matter!
It’s hard to say which seems more charming about this exchange: the amazingly un-snarky response of the cafeteria staff? Or the fact that someone would deign to eat mayonnaise at 4 Times Square?
related: like a rotten sponge
55 responses so far ↓
#1
Mark
That egg salad was fucking delicious!
Apr 7, 2008 at 6:30 pm rating: 3
#2
cranberry
Blech, egg salad. Good riddance, in my opinion.
Who really gets in a frenzy over the lack of egg salad, anyway? It never really seemed like something to get passionate about…
Apr 7, 2008 at 6:32 pm rating: 5
#3
secondsout
The answer doesn’t address the unnecessarily angry customer’s query. If they have eggs, and have mayo, why not egg salad?
Apr 7, 2008 at 6:41 pm rating: 6
#4
Sarah
At least he wrote it in the right place. Egg salad is not food.
Apr 7, 2008 at 6:41 pm rating: 10
#5
secondsout
Dear Page Six,
My life is in shambles. I have come to rely on the fattening offering of Egg Salad. But nay, the threat of salmonella has taken away my hopes and dreams. Please, bring meaning back to my life. Use your authority to restore egg salad. I must have it! For the love of all that is holy, I can’t find anything else to eat. I MUST have egg salad! Help me, oh god, please help me!
Apr 7, 2008 at 6:47 pm rating: 10
#6
secondsout
If this were a crisis now, the person would just storm off and threaten to complain in his/her yelp review. Yelp has empowered an army of hard-to-please pretentious folks to call themselves critics.
Apr 7, 2008 at 6:49 pm rating: 3
#7
Wade
We Hear You!
Restaurant Associates, too lazy and incompetent to prepare and serve it properly, eliminated egg salad due to the high risk of lawsuits.
Apr 7, 2008 at 7:07 pm rating: 10
#8
Andy
Hrm.
Well, doesn’t NYC have like the largest density of delis in the world? And, do some of those said delis deliver? Okay, moving on…
Finally, would I really want to have egg salad from a cafeteria from the leftover boiled eggs from last week?
Well, if you are this guy, then yeah.
Apr 7, 2008 at 7:08 pm rating: 1
#9
pry
mayo smells weird, and boiled eggs smell weird. thanks for not serving egg salad.
Apr 7, 2008 at 7:33 pm rating: 2
#10
damon
Team Crappy Cafeteria on this one. Egg salad makes Baby Jesus cry.
Apr 7, 2008 at 7:34 pm rating: 5
#11
Quite Contrary
Maybe the ramekin in which the egg salad was served was stolen….
Apr 7, 2008 at 7:37 pm rating: 1
#12
secondsout
Just think, if you eat the spoiled egg salad, you might have to run to the nearest restroom to puke, but then find a PA note forbidding you to barf in the urinal.
Apr 7, 2008 at 8:10 pm rating: 5
#13
claw71
Egg salad is one of those things one out of every 228,789 people actually eat on a semi-regular basis. The reason your local lunch counter doesn’t offer it is the same reason they don’t have pickled beef tongue, kimchee and German potato salad.
Make your own damned egg salad, bring it in a brown bag and eat it on the bench across the street because you know damned well you’ll overcook the eggs which will make the whole office smell like sulfur, cat farts and unwiped ass.
Besides, even if somebody actually tries to indulge you, you’ll just bitch about the egg salad not being as good as what you could make on your own. So let’s just skip a step, you stinky, egg-smelling bastard.
Apr 7, 2008 at 9:19 pm rating: 18
#14
Canthz_B
Does Methadone work for an egg salad jones?
Apr 7, 2008 at 9:26 pm rating: 2
#15
goose
Hey – some of us *like* the smell of sulfur, cat farts and unwiped ass!!!
Apr 7, 2008 at 9:46 pm rating: 1
#16
RunBarbara
Egg salad is the food equivalent of a yeast infection.
Apr 7, 2008 at 10:34 pm rating: 6
#17
honeyedhemlock
I used to go to school with a Juan Egg Salad Jones. He was Mexican and always got seated immediately at a booth in the best restaurants across town.
Apr 8, 2008 at 1:48 am rating: 3
#18
claw71
Egg Salad Jones and the Cafeteria of Spoons
“Oh, vee haf vays of making you talk,” the squatty NAZI cook said sneering as he plopped another heaping scoop of luke warm German Potato salad into the bowl. “Soon you vill tell me everyhting I vant to know about the spoons.”
Marmalade Mary struggled against the ropes holding her fast to the chair but it was no use. She was trapped and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to take one bite of that sour potato salad the Germans planned on forcing her to eat but if she gave in and told the NAZIs the secrets of the Cafeteria of Spoons they would be able to control the world. As the sickening aroma of the potato sald wafted up, Mary grew faint but just as she was about to pass out a different smell filled the air.
“No, it can’t be”, the NAZI cook shouted with disdain, curling his nose at the sulfur-based smell settling in from above. He looked up and his fears were realized…it was Jones. Egg Salad Jones.
Apr 8, 2008 at 7:31 am rating: 8
#19
Mung Bean
Dear customers:
We half-heartedly attempted to make egg salad, but soon lost interest in the project.
We would apologize, but we hate lying.
Love,
Restaurant Associates
Apr 8, 2008 at 8:29 am rating: 7
#20
GhostWriter
Note to self: Feed mayonnaise to chickens, so when they lay eggs, instant egg salad.
Apr 8, 2008 at 8:30 am rating: 3
#21
GhostWriter
Prior to 9/11, most contentious issues in NYC were banned and explained away with the nonspecific threat of salmonella.
The list includes public smoking, venomous pets, and Marylin Manson.
see: New York’s Salmonella Wars of the 1990′s
Apr 8, 2008 at 9:28 am rating: 3
#22
KittyKat
When I was a kid, we had to drive down a road with lots of dairy farms to get to grandma’s house. (I know, sounds like some sort of warped fairy tale, but totally true.) Anyway, we called it the egg salad sandwich road. By my reckoning, egg salad = cow shit.
Apr 8, 2008 at 9:40 am rating: 2
#23
GhostWriter
Egg salad is so much more than simply egg and mayo. What about the freshly chopped chives and crushed dill? Dare you leave out the celery and dash of lemon juice?? Perhaps the sweet pickle relish or the mustard need only to be added to taste, but you mustn’t leave out the paprika!
Calling egg and mayo “egg salad” is like calling egg and cheese “quiche”.
Apr 8, 2008 at 9:43 am rating: 7
#24
unholyghost2003
O.K. I REALLY like egg salad. That said, if the caf. has eggs, mayo and presumably bread Why bitch about the lack of egg salad? Buy the ingredients at the caf and assemble it yourself. Not like egg salad is hard to make.
Apr 8, 2008 at 9:47 am rating: 1
#25
Katzndogz
I was trying to find Lloyd Grove’s entire article about the comment cards, and had no success. I was quite surprised at how much people talk about the Conde Nast cafeteria. There seems to be a lot of fascination about that place.
Apr 8, 2008 at 9:50 am rating: 0
#26
GhostWriter
Just how much power do the nameless “Restaurant Associates” wield? I can imagine a response such as, “The Restaurant Associates have reviewed your comment and are giving it all the consideration it deserves.” …and still, they keep providing teaspoons with soup.
Apr 8, 2008 at 10:12 am rating: 0
#27
poindxtr01
Is it really that hard to make egg salad yourself? buy a hard boiled egg, cut it up, stir in mayo, add any other ingredient you like (i.e. relish, pepper, perhaps some onions off of the salad bar)… the options are really endless.
Apr 8, 2008 at 1:19 pm rating: 0
#28
GhostWriter
Damn- new note already, just when I was going Rasta on you.
Restaurant Associate, I don’t like your answer
There was Restaurant Associate took away what I care about,
Stole the egg salad, kept the mayonnaise,
Whitefish on rye bread, fighting salmonella.
If you read my commentary,
Then you would know where I coming from,
You just took it- didn’t ask me,
Mix the egg and the mayo, man!
Mister Restaurant Associate took away what I care about,
Stole the egg salad, kept the mayonnaise,
Whitefish on rye bread, fighting salmonella.
Hey you, Mister Restaurant Associate took away what I care about.
Ready? Oy yoy yoy, oy yoy-yoy yoy,
Oy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Oy yoy yoy, oy yoy-yoy yoy,
Oy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Apr 8, 2008 at 2:12 pm rating: 2
#29
Shieldmaiden96
What, brown bagging is too gauche?
Apr 8, 2008 at 3:11 pm rating: 1
#30
Heidi
Why not order the eggs and mayo on the side? make your own!! hahahaha
Apr 8, 2008 at 3:37 pm rating: 0
#31
Joe
Ok, I understand your point but when was salmonella taken off the menu?
Apr 8, 2008 at 5:59 pm rating: 1
#32
Josh
Wow – I had no idea there was so much hatred directed towards egg salad. It always seemed like an incredibly inoffensive food to me – not remotely exciting, but hardly the cause for such angry rants as seen in these comments.
Oh, and getting salmonella from eggs is very unlikely unless the sanitary conditions are pretty dreadful. Which they may well have been, but that doesn’t explain why they were willing to serve eggs in a non-salad context.
Apr 9, 2008 at 2:26 pm rating: 2
#33 Skimpy Shrimp Scampi and Intimidating Carrots | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] The EGG SALAD BAN [...]
Jun 13, 2010 at 3:09 pm rating: 0
#34 Thank you for your “constructive criticism” | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: The Great Egg Salad Ban of ‘08 at the Conde Nast cafeteria [...]
May 30, 2011 at 11:06 pm rating: 0
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