Shittiest secret admirer ever?

April 10th, 2008 · 154 comments

“My roommate thinks I took her dry erase board when I was 40 miles away the week it was taken,” says an anonymous college student in Tampa, Florida. “She has been leaving me notes like this ALL YEAR.”

God help our poor submitter, but I’m nominating this crazy rainbow of a note for the passive-aggressive hall of fame. (Prize: a year’s worth of anger-management therapy?)

You don't know me...and to be honest I don't think you want to...but there is an issue that I need to address with you...and I'm not gonna be passive-aggressie about it. It has come to my attention that you have taken the white board that I gave Emily!!! And that angers me!!! I am not a child and I don't play childish games so let me put this as simply as I can...don't take shit that doesn't belong to you!!! I am writing this to you telling you to give Emily her shit back before I have to take matters into my own hands and get people involved that don't need to be in this...The next step in this little game is to go to our housing authority and I don't think you really want them to know about your skeeze-ball boyfriend living with you...or having to deal with the penalties and fines that come along with your ignorant acts! So stop being a cunt and give us the board back immediately. Thanks :) Your Secret Admirer

related: Which one of these is not like the other?

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · crazypants · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gloriously redundant · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2008 · not-so-veiled threats · oh the irony · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · stealing · whiteboard


154 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Dave

    OMG…thank you for adding me on twitter. Really digging the Site ya’ll.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Agargara

    The irony runs deep in this one. An instant classic.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:08 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   secondsout bang

    The little gay mafia is planning a hit, apparently.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:12 pm   rating: 151  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Coke-aholic bang

      Or the Insane Clown Brigade! When she says, “Give us the board back” she means Daisy, Flopsy, and Bobo.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:31 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Spelling Bee

      LMFAO!!! I was thinking the same thing!!!

      Apr 11, 2008 at 4:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Heidi

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I was having similar thoughts secondsout!

      Apr 11, 2008 at 5:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Orange Tyrant

    “I . . . don’t play childish games . . . the next step in this game . . . ” wait a minute, I thought there were no games being played, hrm?! I hope that Emily secretly wrote that as big bad friend of herself. Awesome. and why is it three hole punched? So she can save her death threats in a convenient binder for court?

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:12 pm   rating: 160  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   amazon bang

      This is the same person who said she didn’t want to be passive aggressive, but wrote a note that is the pinnacle of passive aggression.

      I *heart* people who use catchy phrases such as “passive aggressive” or “childish games,” but clearly have no idea what they mean.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: 87  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Shanoney

      I know, I love it to. Makes me smile when I see them contradict them selves. When I point it out to them . . . they get all pissy and flustered, yell, and flap their arms like penguins.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:47 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   bellabeastie

      Gotta love the three hole punch.

      Came right out of her math homework.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 10:38 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   DirtyOldLady bang

      This one isn’t a *childish* game. This one is a very adult game. With name-calling and rules that the author makes up as she goes. :D

      Apr 11, 2008 at 6:10 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   meh

      I think it’s time that someone make a public service announcement about the definition of the word ignorant and its proper uses. Hell, it’s probably used out of context more often than in context. Here’s an example, secret admirer:

      The use of the word ignorant in your passive agressive note is quite ignorant.

      Jul 1, 2009 at 6:15 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   Sandi

      True.. no childish games – but I do love typing out passive/aggressive notes in a rainbow hue with cute lil hearts at the top! But childish?.. no no no

      Aug 24, 2009 at 10:08 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Mishee bang

    whoa, she went STRAIGHT for the “C” word!

    Usually only girls who use that word are actually describing themselves!

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:12 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   fantasy bang

      Usually, they start with a “B”, and then you have

      to raise them a “C”, just to keep the game going!

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:28 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   pistola

      there was a time when i used the c word because it got a rise out of people, now it’s lost its flair to me. shame really.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 6:15 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   KittyKat

      Yeah, the “c” word is the ultimate insult . . . I hate when people call me “childish”

      Oh, wait, Mishee, did you mean the other “c” word? My bad.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 8:49 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   secondsout bang

    I am not a child. But the little hearts and the smiley face might tell you otherwise.

    Really, how seriously can you take a threat like this, when it has rainbow hearts, and rainbow-colored text?

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:16 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Shanoney

      Yea, all the note leaver needed was glitter and a kitten tied to one of the holes.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:50 pm   rating: 80  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   secondsout bang

      Maybe a little sunshine that features a smiley face? Flowers, and puppies with wagging tails.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Juliet

      I think the person who wrote the note is 12 years old. This reminds me of some of the notes I received in junior high. I should have kept them, but there was no way I could imagine the internet when I was in grade 7 (1986).

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:05 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   aaa

    So she doesn’t want to get people involved that don’t need to be in it, yet she’s involving herself in tracking down an item that doesn’t even belong to her?

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Sofia

    Seriously… how much could a white board in a dorm room possibly cost? Is it really worth calling someone a cunt over?

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   amy d bang

    And I’m not gonna be passive-aggressive about it …

    Really?

    Rainbow hearts, threatening paragraphs printed in alternating colors, vague threats, bringing skeltons out of the closet, calling the subject of the letter a cunt and then signing off as a secret admirer.

    If that’s not p/a, nothing is or ever will be.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 53  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   aaa

      I wonder if the people who write these notes ever see them on this site…

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:24 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   amazon bang

      If I ever get a passive aggressive note, I’m going to submit it to this site. If it gets posted, I’ll print it out with all the comments, and give it back to the person.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:33 pm   rating: 75  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Shanoney

      I will to. I wonder what the look will be like on their face(s)? . . . . *sigh* priceless!

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   aaa

      I’m always hoping to hear stories of people doing that, amazon. You need to make yourself a PA magnet for our entertainment. :D

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:02 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   bellabeastie

      It’s the Mack Daddy of All p/a notes.

      Scary. Please leave your UZI at home, I think I can find you a whiteboard. In black and white.

      Team Don’t Hurt Me No More

      Apr 10, 2008 at 10:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   amazon bang

      aaa, to be perfectly honest, I’m surprised I haven’t been left a PA note on my apartment door yet. My boyfriend and I can get, uh… loud, at times, if ya know what I mean. The neighbors below us must be pervs, deaf, or very very forgiving.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 12:59 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   Numinous bang

      My college neighbors would have had the same complaint. Never got any PA notes. My boyfriend did get a few dirty (or perhaps jealous?) looks though.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 6:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Katy

    What can I say, this is a masterpiece. The all caps, the rainbow print, the excessive use of ellipses and exclamation points, the smiley face at the end, the random indentation of “AND THAT ANGERS ME!!!” and “IMMEDIATELY,” and of course, the c-word at the end. I think I might weep.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    …And I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and…

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:22 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Carrie

    AHHH!! I KNEW my college roommate would take 10 years to graduate… glad to see she’s still torturing people!!!

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:22 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   aaa

    P.S.

    I’ll bet $10 that we’re gonna see the roommate either on one of those high-speed chase shows on Spike, on Court TV (er, truTV now), or on that Snapped show on Oxygen.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:23 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   agatha christie

    If stealing a white dry-erase board is considered an “ignorant act”, I wonder what the writer considers the Holocaust, the Armenian Genocide, and Darfur to be…

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:25 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      Crimes against Humanity.
      Let’s go to the next caller. :roll:

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:50 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   agatha christie

      I’m new to the commenting on p/a stuff, I’ll admit that wasn’t very good of me.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:27 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   GhostWriter bang

      Actually, the nutty notewriter might consider those things to be, “A GOOD START!” His/her next step isn’t “going to the housing authority”, it’s gassing the building with Sarin.

      I told you, he/she’s nutty!

      Apr 11, 2008 at 9:13 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   damon

    In Soviet Russia, dry erase board takes YOU!

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:27 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   amazon bang

      *groan*

      hehe ;)

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   douchegirl

    I love the intro “YOU DON’T KNOW ME… AND I DONT THINK YOU WANT TO…”
    It really sets the tone for the rest of the letter. Why are there so many ellipses? I don’t get it. There could be commas, colons, semi colons, periods…

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Shanoney

      yaaaay for grammar!

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   aaa

      “You don’t know me, but I know where you live…”

      http://imdb.com/title/tt0620301/

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    You don’t know me, but I feel I have the right to judge you a thief, tell you what to do and threaten to spread details of your personal life (which I only have on hearsay) around.

    Ever notice that when someone feels the need to stress what they are not that something is usually just what they are?

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:30 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   mamason bang

      Yeah… and I’d like to stress that I’m NOT beautiful and sexy! ;-)

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:34 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Canthz_B bang

      I know you’re not, but what aren’t I? ;-)

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:57 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   bellabeastie

      Ooooh – Snap.

      Play Nice PeeWee. :) Time for the secret Word of the Day –

      Apr 10, 2008 at 11:00 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Wade bang

    Wait… the submitter says that her roommate thinks she took the dry erase board, and left this note.

    The note accuses the submitter of taking Emily’s dry erase board, that was given as a gift by the “you don’t know me” notewriter.

    So, if Emily is the roommate, then either she is out-sourcing her passive-aggression… or is Sybil.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:32 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   aaa

      Either that or she’s too much of a wussy-man to send her own PA notes and has to get a lackey to do it for her. So that’s like, PA-squared.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:06 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Juliet

      Yes, I think she is out-sourcing her aggression. I thought it was especially passive aggressive of her to do so.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:10 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   aaa

      But it is cheaper to outsource your PA to another person, you know. That and the labor laws are laxer.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   aflirtycatastrophe

    Someone must have been deprived of a white board as a child and now is clinging to this one, blaming whomever is in her reach. Poor roomie.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    Technicolor should be sited as an aggravating factor in the upcoming libel suit!

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Suhayla

      And the restraining order.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 6:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Crash bang

    I’m hoping that dry erase board was framed in 24 karat gold and had a secret stash door on the back where all her F’ing secret med’s were stashed…
    I mean that’s less crazy than this note.
    Anyway…
    I’d actually take it as a compliment, you know, if one could be 40 miles away and still manage to steal the dry erase board she must have some kind of super human abilities…which in that case I’d say, BRING IT ON BITCH !!!
    And that’s still less crazy of an idea than this note.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Shanoney

      Yea, you would most likely have super speed. So if the note writer tries to bitch slap you . . . just keep whizzing out of the way! And giggle at them getting flustered and flapping their arms like penguins!

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Crash bang

      Or….The ability to teleport objects from 40 miles away… And people too !!!
      Oh ya’
      8)

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Lindsey

    Um, this person sounds a little stalker-ish to me! “You don’t know me…you don’t want to know me…” -but apparently, the letter-writer knows all about the perpetrator, and the “skeeze ball boyfriend.” S/he’s probably jealous of said skeeze ball.

    And what is skeeze anyways? Is it a physical form of sleaze, kind of like waxy buildup in your ears?
    I imagine that, when you are sleazy, you start producing skeeze, which can then be formed into a ball once you have enough.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   secondsout bang

      I thought Skeeze Ball was the game you see at arcades and places like Chuck E. Cheese, where you roll the wooden ball up the ramp and try to land it in the cups for points. You then get tickets which you can turn in for some shitty prizes like a stuffed Chuck E. Cheese doll.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 4:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Canthz_B bang

      The writer is not a child, therefore, “skeeze ball” must be the mature form of “doody-head”. :mrgreen:

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:00 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   lfroland bang

      Or maybe it’s a severe typo, and the writer meant to say “cheese ball,” in which case, it sounds like the boyfriend plays too much Kenny G.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Bellabeastie

      Then you’ll have a skeeze dough ball which can be used for making skeeze bread, skeeze sticks, skeeze dip…

      Well, you get the idea.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Canthz_B bang

      You could even make little skeeze soufflés in ramekins!

      Apr 10, 2008 at 6:04 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   bellabeastie

      But only the oval ones…. because the “others” were purchased in Petaluma.

      And obviously Not Worthy.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 10:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   bellabeastie

      And don’t take the Pyrex. Mine.

      ahahahahhaaaaaaa

      Apr 10, 2008 at 11:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   jenna

    that whiteboard was fucking delicious.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Crash bang

      Wha ??
      Are you a goat …?
      They eat anything, I assume…

      Apr 10, 2008 at 11:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   yesssiree

      i kept waiting to see this one in the comments!
      those ignorant acts were fucking delicious

      Apr 11, 2008 at 8:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   GhostWriter bang

      Always saying “fucking delicious” is a childish game. I am not a child, and I don’t play childish games, so let me put this as simple as I can:

      Put on that Unitard, you pumpkin-pie-hair-cutted freak!

      Apr 11, 2008 at 9:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   eddy

      I was going to do one of those “delicious” posts too, but I concluded that it would have been really inappropriate, considering the word from the note I would have used.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 9:28 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   park rose bang

      Ooh, the unitard resurfaces… how very, f.d. You’ve got to link here too, of course. :)

      Apr 11, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.6   Gez bang

      Oops I added an fd below. I do think it’s been long enough that we can revisit. It depends on the context.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 10:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   EvilTwin

    I’d buy a new dry erase board, walk straight up to her with her little note, hand the note to her, tell her I didn’t steal her shitty dry erase board, break the brand new board over my knee in front of her, hand it to her, and walk away. What a stupid petty thing to argue over…must be college.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   agatha christie

      Best.Idea.Ever.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 5:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   pistola

      my thoughts exactly, i might throw in a “you don’t know who you’re messing with!” caped with a index finger poke in the chest.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 6:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   secondsout bang

    “you don’t know me… And to be honest, I don’t think you want to.”

    You’re damn right! Anyone who writes notes this stupid is not worth me knowing.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 5:19 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Quite Contrary

    Only college girls could use the c-word, “thanks” AND a smiley within eight words of each other.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 5:21 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Andy bang

    Wow. This is a hall-of-famer.

    OK, first off, how can you NOT be passive-agressive when you are signing a note with a smiley and “Your Secret Admirer”?

    I like how they centered “And that angers me!!!”

    I’m glad she mentioned that, as that end statement calling out the alleged offender as a cunt might’ve been taken out of context.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 5:23 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   KatieMB bang

      And we all know how easily calling someone a cunt can be taken out of context….

      Mar 22, 2009 at 9:41 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   fantasy bang

    Of course to be a p/a note they always have hearts and smilies! ;)

    This one is really “special” with the rainbow theme. :lol:

    Apr 10, 2008 at 5:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   mamason bang

    Where’s a pink penis when you need one? :-P

    Apr 10, 2008 at 5:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Bellabeastie

    Don’t forget about the “penalties and fines associated with your ignorant acts”.

    Like what? Stay in from recess and no allowance for a week? Write “I will not steal Emily’s whiteboard” 100 times?

    Apr 10, 2008 at 5:45 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Sue Do Nim bang

      Maybe do not pass go, do not collect $200? Or would that be a childish game?

      Apr 11, 2008 at 12:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   bellabeastie

      Sort of like our note.. ??

      Sue Do — gimme my whiteboard or I’m gonna tell my Mom. And She’ll Leave You A Big Note.

      In Color Letters. All Capitals .

      (But mom doesn’t use the “c” word)

      Apr 11, 2008 at 6:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   TuesdayPillow

    If I got a note like this, I would laugh and get someone big and scary to write a similar note, except they would write it in blood and describe some very sick and painful things they will do to anyone that threatens me. They would also include pictures a la the movie “Seven” and I would deliver it personally.
    When you take things way too far and get graphic and creative, people tend to back off.

    And that angers me!!!
    is another one of those great non-sentences.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 5:45 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   mamason bang

    It’s obvious that Rebecca Gayheart authored this gem.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 5:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Suhayla

    Wow, I thought that those hearts were actually part of the note, but they were photoshopped in (or something) to cover submitter’s name. It’s a short name, looks like it starts with “A”. It is kind of funny though that the hearts match the colour scheme of the note.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 5:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Andy bang

      Awesome catch. I really want to see that name in all its’ weird font glory. Then again, the mystery might be better. :)

      Apr 10, 2008 at 6:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   secondsout bang

      Mmm, damn, good catch, Suhayla. Fitting the theme, though, is that the name appears to have been done in WordArt, which makes me wonder about the notewriter.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 6:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Suhayla

    This is Emily’s girlfriend, right?

    That’s why she’s getting so protective about her whiteboard?

    It must be a token of Secret Admirer’s support for young Emily’s scholastic aspirations. Perhaps she sees this gift as an investment in an education that will create a bright future for the two of them, but their dreams were ruined by some inconsiderate cunt who stole said whiteboard. No wonder she’s so pissed.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 6:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Louisa

      Definitely Emily’s work, as the submitter states…that’s the most fundamentally PA thing about it; she doesn’t even have the guts to stand behind her aggressive statement. Hilarious. Wonder what she’ll write when some one takes her food when she’s pregnant or uses her shower gel.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 6:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   bellabeastie

      Funny :) She’ll be pissed and hungry and stinky. And Pregnant. Been there.

      All I can say is Take Cover – it won’t be Pretty.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 11:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   claw71 bang

    I can’t resit the Doobie Brothers on this one…Taking it to the Streets:

    You don’t know me, don’t think you wanna
    I just might have to start raising hell
    We don’t play childish games in my world
    But there’s something that I need to tell

    YOU, taking the white board I bought for Emily
    It’s not your shit and that really sort of angers me

    Housing Authorities (yeah, the authorities)
    Housing Authorities (gonna call and rat you out)
    Housing Authorities (making it tough for you)
    Housing Authorities (yeah, yeah, that’s how I play)

    Read this message I printed in color
    Rainbow hearts make it clear I really care
    I used all caps and exclamations
    So you know that you should best beware

    YOU, need to know I stand up for Emily
    You’re a cunt with boyfriend who lives rent free

    Housing Authorities (yeah, the authorities)
    Housing Authorities (gonna call and rat you out)
    Housing Authorities (making it tough for you)
    Housing Authorities (yeah, yeah, that’s how I play)

    Apr 10, 2008 at 6:20 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   bellabeastie

      Yowza… **thanks, claw** :)

      Michael McDonald would thank you as well.

      Hey — gotta run — someone’s knocking…??

      Apr 11, 2008 at 5:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Lurker

    Third-person passive-aggressive behavior? Impressive! That Emily’s so PA she was admitted to statehood in 1802.

    Note receivee should put her skeeze ball boyfriend to good use and sic him on the writer.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 7:18 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   summer

    “You don’t know me”…uh you gave away your identity as Emily’s butch dyke girlfriend with that crazy rainbow note.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 8:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Canthz_B bang

      Also a dead giveaway is the last sentence wherein the board stops belonging to Emily alone, but suddenly should be returned to them both, as if it is community property.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 9:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   tinkerbell2

      I’m not sure you can decide that she’s ‘butch’ – seems to me that PA behaviour is decidedly un-butch..

      Apr 11, 2008 at 7:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   snookpie

    In the beginning of the year my roommate kept leaving me a bunch of passive aggressive notes on my other roommate’s white board. She also accused me of hanging up on her friends and unplugging the phone whenever they’d call the room phone. Apparently I did this while I was still sleeping, yet managed to crawl from the top bunk and hobble over to the phone on my highly infected foot (I couldn’t even touch it without it hurting… I had been in the hospital the same week), all under 10 seconds. I am amazing.

    When I told her she was accusing me, she shouted at me “I’m not accusing you! But if you have a problem with the phone then I wish you’d tell me! My mother calls me on that phone! Blahblaghdsg”, while simultaneously having her friend, who I hadn’t even met before that, telling me it must have been me, since the other roommate knew the friend’s voice. Kay, so much for logic.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 8:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Izzy

    Long time lurker, never posted.

    I just had to say this is the best. note. ever.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 8:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   steve

    “You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry!”

    Apr 10, 2008 at 8:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Troy McClure bang

      The devil’s hands write PA things.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 9:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   steve

      hahahaha nice.

      Apr 10, 2008 at 9:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Colleen

    Sheesh. If that’s the note that got the rainbow and hearts, I’d hate to see what the note with the skulls and blood says. Reading that makes me very happy I lived at home during my college years.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 9:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   The White Board Bandit

    Hey hey. I’m the person who submitted the gem above. Thanks for all the positive comments!

    For clarification: Emily lives in my dorm, this was typed up and slid under my door in the middle of the night by one of her friends. Supposedly.

    I highly intend on taking the suggestion of printing this all out and handing it to her (once I move out in 2 weeks).

    Might I add: she’s the particular kind of desperate person that goes to “Makeout Parties”, and walks around in her bra around my “skeezeball boyfriend” to try and get him to check her out. Sadly, her boobies are like teeny mosquito bites and she has a mustache.

    Seriously. I want to be like “Get some Sally Hansen Facial Bleach for yourself, girl.”

    Thanks everyone. (Especially the song. I’m dying here!)

    Apr 10, 2008 at 9:28 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   agatha christie

      May I suggest doing what EvilTwin suggested in #24 in addition to printing out and distributing our responses.

      Normally, I’d feel sorry for someone who has tiny boobs and a mustache, but certainly not in this case. And who, other than middle schoolers, even throws a “makeout party”? Oh yeah, girls with tiny boobs and mustaches.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 12:11 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   Gez bang

      Can you clarify whether or not you are an actual cunt?

      Apr 11, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   The White Board Bandit

      No way I’m not.
      Nanny-nanny-poo-poo!!!!!

      I’m telling mommy… :D

      Apr 11, 2008 at 5:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.4   amazon bang

      And please describe your boyfriend. I want to know what a “skeeze ball” is! Thanks! =)

      Apr 11, 2008 at 5:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Canthz_B bang

    Dear Angry Rainbow Brite,

    I hope I’m not being childish if I point out that getting other people involved to solve your problems can hardly be considered taking matters into your own hands.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 10:06 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Gez bang

      Do you think there is someone else? It could be that the flatmate posted this to add to the fear-factor.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 10:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   Canthz_B bang

      Gez, The writer threatens to bring in the housing authorityand perhaps others who “don’t need to be in this”.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 1:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   morpho aurora bang

    someone is wasting a lot of money sending emily and her note-writing friend to college.
    the two of them should drop out and go back to tag-team pole dancing at the local suck’n'spit.

    this is almost as good as anthony’s song.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 10:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   Caitlin

      ohhhhhhh and there are tons of tag-team pole dancers at the local suck’n'spit(s). This is Tampa we’re talking about… strip club capital of the world.

      There’s even a porn camp here!
      http://tampabay.com/features/popculture/article433680.ece

      Apr 11, 2008 at 11:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.2   pistola

      I think Tampa’s real estate value just went up.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   ms. m.m.

    I may have said it before, but here goes anyway: The bat-shit writers of these notes convince me that some of the minor disputes I’ve had with people (neighbors, roommates) over the years have been relatively normal by comparison. In other words, I’m not as crazy as I once perceived myself and people of my acquaintance to be. So, yay!

    G’damn, I’ve probably jinxed myself now.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Uri

    OMG!!! The best note this year so far.

    Apr 10, 2008 at 11:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   hoopla

    According to the writer, screaming in Lucky Charms colours and not signing your name to an all-caps note is neither PA nor childish.

    This snatch should give lessons!

    Question for the crowd: would The White Board Bandit’s strategy of dropping these comments off after she moves out be considered PA? What I want to see is a video of her reading this wisdom out loud to the chick’s face. But that’s just me. Work it. OWN it!

    Apr 11, 2008 at 12:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   bellabeastie

      Thanks.

      Sincerely,

      Tyra

      Apr 11, 2008 at 5:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #48   The White Board Bandit

    I hope that waiting isn’t passive aggressive of me, I just kind of want to choose the path of least resistance. I prefer to live in peace, without having to listen to this bitch constantly, and to do that, I’m willing to wait until I’m leaving to strike.

    Also, forgot to add, I confronted her about this, and she claimed she had no idea what it was about, but got her to say that she wouldn’t write any more notes and suck it up and deal with it.

    But a video….maybe I can get my skeeze-ball b/f to tape it for me!!

    Apr 11, 2008 at 1:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   Troy McClure bang

      I think that’s not PA, it’s just sane. Play hardball with Emily now, & you could end up sporting the Penalty Rainbow Heart Tattoo.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 2:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #49   Michelle B

    A lifetime nonsmoker, I lit up a cigarette after reading this masterpiece (thought first it was a parody of PA). Reading this note was that fulfilling.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 3:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   geoff

    Nobody justifies anymore. I felt my moods shift as the rainbow text flipped about – alarmed, then passive, then calmed, and finally, purpled.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 6:45 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   nicole

      Oh, I agree. Just one tap of that little button and your PA-ness is that much easier on the eye.

      Team justify :o

      Apr 11, 2008 at 8:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.2   Suhayla

      Ooh, I was going to say something about that! Hmm, I wonder what my style-guide says about formatting PA notes.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 9:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #51   Sybil

    How many of the author’s personalities did it take to write this note?

    Apr 11, 2008 at 8:12 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   Wade bang

      LOL. There you are, Sybil! Exactly my point back at comment #18 (and borne out by the submitter at #42). ;)

      Apr 11, 2008 at 8:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   Jaybird

    AAAAAAAHHHH! SHOUTING RAINBOWS!

    Apr 11, 2008 at 8:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   c-lo

    I figured you would be really angry, but then go aww multi colored hearts and rainbow text.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 8:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   GhostWriter bang

    Am I truly the first one to deduce:

    (1) The White Board Bandit actually did steal Emily’s whiteboard. The “40 miles away” alibi doesn’t cover the time she stole it; i.e., the night before. Fake alibis are easy to spot- they are given when no one is asking for them.

    (2) The P/A notewriter is Emily’s dad. He gave Emily the whiteboard, and has a creepy obsession with the White Board Bandit. This one is so obvious; labeling her boyfriend with a 50′s term like “skeeze ball” out of jealousy, ending his emotional note with “your secret admirer”.

    Our Bandit should be extremely wary at this point. Her skin is this close to ending up as a lampshade. Even if you’ve already chucked the stolen whiteboard, now is the time to fix this problem, before you find yourself trapped at the bottom of a dry well, with Emily’s Dad lowering lotions down to you to soften up your skin.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 8:57 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #54.1   KittyKat

      Hmmm. . . . sounds suspicious GW. Just exactly where were YOU when the White Board was stolen?

      I’ve got my eyes on you GW! :)

      Apr 11, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.2   bellabeastie

      And playing “American Girl” by Tom Petty.

      Still makes my skin crawl.

      Apr 11, 2008 at 5:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #55   RP

    Feel the rainbow.
    Taste the rainbow.

    Apparently the note writer thinks “rainbow” is code for LSD because this is clearly the result of taking hallucinogens.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 9:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   mia

    OMG… I don’t think I have ever seen a P/A/N with so many comments. Well I think the submitter is going to take the taker on a little road trip, let’s just call it a “blanket party”.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   tracy

    Definite HOF inductee, 1st ballot. Every other PA note is a pretender next to this… fabulous.

    Just wow.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 10:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   Roger

    Hahaha and she says she is not being passive aggressive. LOL. Denial, the first step to pass-agg.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 10:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   KittyKat

    If she’s just in college, can you imagine what the writer will be like when she’s faced with the world of lunch-stealing, lipstick-stain-leaving, desk-pilfering co-workers? The P/A note possibilities are mouth-wateringly delicious.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 10:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #59.1   Quite Contrary

      How do you think she will handle the microwaves with time still left on the timer? I’m eagerly awaiting her treatise on that one!

      Apr 11, 2008 at 10:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #60   Gez bang

    Those pastel hues are fucking delicious.

    It’s been a while now; time for a FD rebirth.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 10:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   unholyghost2003 bang

    I have an honest question. Is it even possible to STEAL something that cannot be consumed from someone you are currently sharing living space with? The WHITE BOARD is still THERE (even if the submitter took it) at WORST it has been MOVED not stolen.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 11:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   Samantha

    Has anyone who actually WROTE one of these notes that ended up on this site came and commented?
    That would be precious.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 12:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   Canthz_B bang

    I blame it on a late-night Skittles buzz.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 1:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   Sundaeg1rl

    Well done on the restrained use of the C-word. You nearly made it all the way to the end without having to use it, but OH NO, it slipped out there in the last line.

    No childish games, eh? What a cunt.

    Apr 11, 2008 at 3:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   Agent Inspired

    I didn’t think anything would top the note with the little skulls and crossbones that looked like Xs and Os.

    Oh, but how life always out-performs all my expectations. This is truly an achievement. Well done, obsessive rainbow stalker– well done. I am now taking care to be very sparing with my use of ellipses!

    Apr 11, 2008 at 6:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #66   raiseyourglass

    Here’s an idea,buy one at the dollar store and write on it in perm. marker.

    To my Secret Admirer…
    You are a freak’n psycho.
    I did not take your shit. Check your ass.

    Hugs and kisses you freak!

    Apr 11, 2008 at 10:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   p.g. wodehouse

    I don’t think they are being passive aggressive.

    Apr 13, 2008 at 9:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #68   jeremy

    So torn between love and hate, must… punch… something… KIDNEY! (ouch) I will cry blood out of my bladder now.

    Apr 14, 2008 at 9:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   machead

    I love that this entry was tagged “crazypants”.

    Apr 14, 2008 at 7:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #70   Amber Love

    Whoa, if I got a note like that I would probably cry. And then go take a dump on those bitches’ pillows.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 6:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #71   too late but anyway

    why why why she is not chosen as a queen of PAN?Why why? I am crying my eyes out here. She is not being PA at all, She is not childish and she does not wan to play games either! All she does is name calling, vague threats, leaves colorful and smiley/heart filled good cop bad cop notes to strangers and contradicts herself. You call that PA behavior? pffffft! shame on you

    Mar 17, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #72   Robert

    Strawberry Shortcake IS PISSED! I believe the “someone” who will get involved are the Care Bears!

    Jul 27, 2009 at 9:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #73   And your mosaic sucks | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] Worst secret admirer ever? Share0mail it! This post is favorited by 0 registered [...]

    May 19, 2010 at 9:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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