you gotta love my grandma cookie — she’s always looking out for my figure!
(this is why the seder calls for the drinking of four cups of wine.)
related: too many
extra credit: our stomachs, ourselves [heeb]
why is it that on this night we’re, like, allowed to eat carbs?
April 20th, 2008 · 46 comments
FILED UNDER: animated fucking e-card · holiday spirit · jewish grandma
46 responses so far ↓
#1
Canthz_B
My, what tiny animals!
Apr 20, 2008 at 1:05 am rating: 0
#2
aflirtycatastrophe
Nothing better than getting an e-card from your grandmother wishing you a Happy Passover and realizing she slipped in a snarky weight comment as well.
Apr 20, 2008 at 1:16 am rating: 0
#3
Canthz_B
“this is why the seder calls for the drinking of four cups of wine”.
That’s nothing, after a holiday with my family it’s “take two 40’s and call me in the morning”!
Apr 20, 2008 at 1:20 am rating: +2
#4
Canthz_B
Flammable matzo balls are the fondue of the 21st century!
Apr 20, 2008 at 1:23 am rating: 0
#5
TuesdayPillow
I am on a quest for a good matzoh ball recipe, myself. Make them light, eh? Like make them glow or make them cloud-like? You never know what she REALLY meant.
Apr 20, 2008 at 3:52 am rating: +1
#6
marcopuffin
True, classic passive aggression. Haven’t we all had some apparently loving message like this that actually makes us feel far more depressed than before we opened it. I had a birthday card recently from my mum saying “don’t count the years! Enjoy the days!”
Apr 20, 2008 at 5:40 am rating: +1
#7
RALPHY
Give grandma her due. She “Cared enough to send the very best”, you fat slob! I’d send her a card right back saying “Since your so old, I’m sending this greeting by e-mail instead of U.S. mail.”
Apr 20, 2008 at 6:20 am rating: 0
#8
Wade
I am pretty sure that after being handled by a rabbit and a mouse, that matso wafer is no longer kosher.
Apr 20, 2008 at 7:30 am rating: +10
#9
park rose
Happy Passover-Aggressive: A sentiment created for ♥ Kerry ♥ by Cookie and Mike ♥
Apr 20, 2008 at 7:53 am rating: +6
#10
Wade
At this year’s Seder, it won’t just be the herbs that are bitter.
Apr 20, 2008 at 7:56 am rating: +8
#11
ALA
In my family, it would have said “Make the matzo balls light, and maybe you’ll find a husband this year.”
Apr 20, 2008 at 8:11 am rating: +12
#12
RunBarbara
Maybe she will get you a gym membership, some Slim Fast and a pair of jeans two sizes too small for Hanukkah .
Apr 20, 2008 at 9:34 am rating: +2
#13
summer
Grannies like this one cause eating disorders.
Apr 20, 2008 at 9:46 am rating: +1
#14
Quite Contrary
We need to introduce Cookie to Jake’s mom.
Apr 20, 2008 at 10:21 am rating: 0
#15
TuesdayPillow
Is it just me, or are those tiny woodland creatures really STRONG?
What is IN that matzoh anyways?
Apr 20, 2008 at 2:55 pm rating: 0
#16
poochie
Is this a Jewish thing?
Apr 20, 2008 at 3:45 pm rating: 0
#17
secondsout
Turnabout is fair play. This is when for Hannukah, Grandma gets a tube of denture cream, some adult diapers, and flyers about the ideal casket. Try not to overdo it, though, so you stay in the will.
Apr 20, 2008 at 7:26 pm rating: +5
#18
secondsout
In a situation like this, it leaves the question. what would God do? The answer, plagues of locusts, boils, and the murder of firstborn children. This may not work for Kerry, as Grandma’s firstborn could easily be Kerry’s Dad. But then again, revenge is revenge.
Apr 20, 2008 at 7:31 pm rating: +3
#19
Kaysox
I received a birthday card from my grandma a couple years ago. After some pleasantries she told me that I should get a job because, “that’s how the world works, you know.” Bonus: because we don’t speak often, she didn’t know that I’d been working full time for a month prior to my birthday. Now that I’ve seen this site I wish I’d kept it instead of ripping it to pieces.
Apr 20, 2008 at 10:19 pm rating: +2
#20
claw71
Have yourself a nice healthyPassover
Make your matzo light
Use a blender so the matzo comes out right
Have yourself a nice healthy Passover
all the seven days
I hope you took the time to scrub the filth away
Oy my dear are still single
will you please mingle
this year
You’re not so young, get your self a man
a nice Jewish man
my dear
Have yourself a nice healthy Passover
no leaven allowed
buir chametz until sweat forms upon your brow
And have your self a nice happy Passover, now.
Apr 21, 2008 at 8:38 am rating: +6
#21
Set To Evil
Ofcouse while God was busy striking down the first born of the heathens, he was concerned about the waistlines of his chosen people. Amen!
Apr 21, 2008 at 2:02 pm rating: +2
#22
Robin
Ha. Oh Cookie. At least yours don’t repeat, “You ARE going to keep doing this once we’re dead, right?” after every prayer.
Apr 25, 2008 at 3:11 pm rating: +1
#23 how i “did” my grandma
[...] related: why is it on this night we’re like, allowed to eat carbs? [...]
Sep 30, 2008 at 7:31 pm rating: 0
#24
Haley
I guarantee I would have gotten this if I were Jewish… grandma loves talking about my fat and other perceived flaws
Oct 24, 2008 at 12:44 pm rating: 0
#25
Nonny
You eat matzo balls on Passover? Aren’t the copious amounts of matzo that already must be eaten enough? Where will the madness end?
Mar 26, 2009 at 3:05 pm rating: 0
#26 definitely not kosher for passover
[...] related: why is it that on this night we’re, like, allowed to eat carbs? [...]
Apr 2, 2009 at 5:08 pm rating: 0
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