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The overly friendly coworker: ruining your day since you held the elevator for her that one time

April 21st, 2008 · 137 comments

Homero in Portland had just finished heating up his lunch in the office microwave when he returned to his desk to find this “helpful” note — attached to an ad from the local alt-weekly — waiting on his chair. Though it’s unsigned, he says he’s pretty sure he knows which coworker left it for him. “She’s kind of socially stunted, but seems to think that a) she’s very funny and b) we’re BFF,” Homero says. “Um…no.”

I saw this ad and thought u might find his services helpful :P

related: WoW, indeed

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · office · Portland · smiley

137 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Mishee bang

    I’ve read the Portland Mirror, I’ve seen the people who live in Portland (I used to ride Tri-Met, that is an experience unto intself!), and I’ve seen Portland businesses – this does not surprise me one bit.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Mishee bang

      I actually meant Portland Mercury, and was gonna fix it – but then my post got messed up and I was panicking about fixing it and forgot! My bad!

      Apr 21, 2008 at 10:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   ashlock.k

      I live there…. and most of it is just dandy… but i have recently started riding the tri-met max on a regular basis to attend uni classes…. Tri-Met is one of the funniest scary things I have had the “pleasure” to experience.

      Jun 5, 2008 at 3:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #2   Quite Contrary bang

    I’m not sure what is worse. The note on your chair from the co-worker-who-thinks-they-are-funny- AND-your friend or the note from your boss that says nothing more than “see me.” Ah, work. And they wonder why I took the day off today.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   mere

      UGH, i HATE the ‘see me’ notes. why do that? it’s like a control issue. that, and when someone leaves something in my chair. i don’t like coming back from the potty to see a stack of paper in my chair.
      speaking of which, if i came back and saw this note in/on my chair, i would ‘what the fuck?’ out loud and throw it away. then avoid the freak who left it for me for all eternity (or until i transferred).

      Apr 21, 2008 at 11:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   jiggy-j

      What I hate more than the ‘See me’ note is the often ignored ‘See me’ email.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Quite Contrary bang

      Jiggy: Yes! It’s especially annoying when they aren’t around so you write an email asking for their pov on an issue. You provide concise background and options for moving forward. And you get an effin “let’s talk” or “see me.” Well…it’s a little hard WHEN they aren’t here. Which is why you wrote the effin email in the first place.

      I’m clearly not ready to go back to work yet.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 3:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #3   Gez bang

    Team weird friend. Sending this in to PAN is the most PA way of saying that you don’t want to be friends

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #4   acolyte

    Nice back hand slap I would say. Either she’s being a wise ass or we really need to see Homero’s hair…

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Mishee bang

      acolyte, maybe like this?

      Apr 21, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   kalyke

    Meh. I would be frightened if a friend wannabe left that at my desk. That guy is frightening looking.

    I think this person should find a “find a friend” ad and tape it to the coworkers desk.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #6   zchamu bang

    What is that thing? Is he shaving a ham hock or something? I’m scared.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mishee bang

      It actually looks like a human skull in my opinion…

      Apr 21, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      yup, it is a skull. That ad threatens so much more than a bad haircut.

      Hmmm, what makes Homero so sure that the coworker thinks they are friends? For all he knows she is going home at night and talking to her REAL friends saying “Yeah, I totally left a note for that DOUCHE Homo … oops! I mean Homero … letting him know that his hair looks shitty. I mean what GUY uses that much gel? Freak. HELLO we can tell you are going bald, shave it and get over yourself. I can’t believe he STILL takes shit from me! Dumbass.”

      Apr 21, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   RunBarbara

      That polaroid looks like a bad, emo Myspace photo.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 12:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   HelenKate Coggins


      That’s my stylist, Rob! He’s one of the coolest guys in the Portland metro area, and an amazing stylist to boot. He’ll get the biggest kick out of this.


      Jun 4, 2008 at 8:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #7   anglophile bang

    Oh, poor thing. She has a crush on him, and this was the best way of flirting with him she could think of. I remember back in first grade, when, in a misguided attempt to flirt with the cutest boy in class, I hit him really hard. The teacher yelled at me and I was so embarrassed!

    Of course, Freddy and I ended up being THE couple of the class until sixth grade, so maybe my technique wasn’t so bad after all….

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Lorelie

      Wait, you mean hitting guys isn’t the best way to flirt?
      Crap, that explains all the restraining orders.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 11:32 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Sarah bang

      If she’s leaving PA crush notes, what was wrong with “Do you like me? yes/no”? Why bring Rob into it?

      Apr 21, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   tbunny

      you dated a guy for 5 years before you were even a teenager? damn.

      Jun 26, 2009 at 9:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   Lorrie

    Still less frightening than finding a pair of scissors next to your head in the morning when you wake up.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   Epiphany

    Of course he would be fucking up people’s hair! He doesn’t have any on his head!

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #10   Wade bang

    Is that supposed to be a tongue, or is smiley drooling?

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Mishee bang

      Wade, this is Portland, for all we know it could be an unlit joint!!

      Apr 21, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   claw71 bang

      No. It’s a hipster soul patch.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 11:52 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      like Adnan Ghalib?

      Apr 21, 2008 at 12:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   Mishee bang

      dammit ugh, I thought that too, but I refrained from saying it because I was trying to keep Britney references out of the “fucking up your hair” post! :D but it’s all good, cause GMTA…

      Apr 21, 2008 at 12:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      O.K. I have to say, Homero, if you have a creepy Adnan Ghalib style flavor-saver it is pretty much GUARANTEED that the chick you think is socially stunted and thinks she is your friend ISN’T your friend, she doesn’t even think she is your friend. She doesn’t WANT to be your friend (and she actually IS funny). See, you are too caught up in your hipster asshatery to realize that the WHOLE office thinks you are a tool but she is the only one with the balls to make fun of you to your face. You think she is socially stunted, vaguely creepy, and unfunny … because you are the only one who doesn’t get the joke.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 12:43 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   poochie bang

      I love that. Thank you.

      I spent half of this thread going “aww”, half because I actually thought it was funny, and half because of the cruel way in which Homero dismissed her being a friend in any way. And also, another half because of the mocking. :(

      I mean, the thought couldn’t possibly exist that the recipient is the tool around here…


      Apr 21, 2008 at 1:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   Canthz_B bang

      I’m not a mathematician, but four halves? :???:

      Apr 21, 2008 at 9:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   GVI bang

      See what you get when you leave a child behind.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 10:07 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #11   agatha christie

    I love those “I think I’m your friend” friends. The type that traipses around the eight-floor library in search of you when you don’t answer her calls and then when she finds you, asks why you didn’t answer and wants to hang out.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 11:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   ALA bang

      There’s a guy in my grad program who thinks we’re friends, so before class starts he tells me about his porn addiction & how prayer isn’t working to cure his problem. (Really? Shocking.)
      Thank god he has no idea what my # is, or where I live, or what I drive…

      Apr 21, 2008 at 1:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Set To Evil bang

      Tell him to pray for more porn, his prayers will definatly be answered!

      Apr 22, 2008 at 1:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   claw71 bang

    So you go by the name “Homero” and you think somebody else has social issues?

    Apr 21, 2008 at 11:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   claw71 bang

    My name is Homero
    I drive a Camaro
    I wear a mullet each day
    I’ve grown me a moustache
    and a nice little soul patch
    as a little symbol I’m gay.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 12:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   ryankh05

      Why AA to AB in one verse?

      Should I put a sylvan learning center advert on your desk?

      haha <3

      Apr 21, 2008 at 8:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Canthz_B bang

      Poetic licence.
      Why did you not capitalize Sylvan Learning Center?

      Haha ♥

      Apr 21, 2008 at 10:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   ryankh05

      I don’t consider them to be much more than dirt. They have the most annoying plugs on television. Most of which are just a tad bit racist as far as casting. SLC – FTL

      On the other hand, I can’t pass up a good ode to post to not to throw that out there. After all. Why was she reading an alt magazine to get the clipping to leave in the first place? Is he boring and she alternative? Or does he try much to hard to impress others with his locks?

      Of course, the poem itself was bad, not to mention the gay bomb.

      A poem without flow that isn’t a haiku and lacks significant artistic merit isn’t going to pass for poetic license (unless maybe it had more than one verse – then it’d be a nobel try {see rap/punk/pop music (generally speaking.)})

      {is now probably a troll/flamer – and thus sad}

      ps. realistically it wasn’t even from AA to AB – but my effort was lost I guess -_-

      Apr 22, 2008 at 3:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Canthz_B bang

      Did you mean “Nobel try” or “noble try”?
      Shouln’t that be “…try too hard…”?

      Did you mean to make an ass of yourself?
      You don’t capitalize your name either, do you consider yourself to be not much more than dirt? Welcome to the club!

      Apr 22, 2008 at 12:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   Mishee bang

      How are the Sylvan plugs racist? The one I see all the time is a pretty redheaded white girl… maybe where you live is where all the darker complexioned kids need help, so they adjust their advertising to meet their demographics…

      And as for the alt mag reader… everyone in Portland reads that damn thing.. it’s hilarious, they swear (as you can see), and there are some really funny articles… plus they are just about everywhere in town for free, so it’s good waiting room fare…

      And as for the REST of your post… ummm.. HUH??

      Apr 22, 2008 at 1:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   unholyghost2003 bang

      also, on the whole Sylvan Racism thing, where do you get that? At least in the commercials in my area they say that the lessons at Sylvan are for kids who need extra help AND for the kids who want to study something that their school doesn’t offer or need a more challenging curriculum. Just watching the commercials we have here I can’t tell if “Jesus” is studying calculus and “Sean” is getting tutored in remedial English or vice versa.

      as far as denying poetic license, artistic license(s) can only be applied to those things YOU consider art? REALLY? Who let you escape MoMA? I mean if you have the definitive answer to “What is art?” shouldn’t you be out in the world judging the art works and destroying the “non-art”?!?

      Apr 22, 2008 at 1:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #13.7   Canthz_B bang

      The Sylvan commercial that sticks in my mind is of a young white male playing a Gameboy on his bed when his mom comes in angry about his grades. It sticks out to me because she should be checking his homework, not allowing him to play video games.

      As for artistic merit, speaking as a published poet, I don’t know that you are qualified to judge that.

      Apr 22, 2008 at 1:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.8   ryankh05

      Really? a gameboy??

      I always see the one inside the center with all the minorities (being taught by white tutors) talking to the camera like they are mentally handicapped.

      Though, to be honest, I’m not really ‘pc’ to pick up on that – until I’ve seen it a few hundred times. But they probably ditched that add – because I haven’t watched tv in years -_-

      Apr 22, 2008 at 3:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.9   Canthz_B bang

      I still don’t see the racism.
      Their paying customers surely are not people without financial wherewithal.
      Also, I’m AA and had mostly White teachers, though we never saw them as “White teachers”, just as teachers.

      It’s “that ad”, BTW. Call Sylvan, you need help. ;-)
      Oh look, there is a chip on your shoulder you have forgotten to brush away.

      Apr 22, 2008 at 3:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.10   Crash bang

      # 13.8
      How do you “always” see that ad if you haven’t watched T.V. in years ???

      Apr 22, 2008 at 4:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.11   Mishee bang

      I personally never saw these ads BEFORE a few years ago… is it possible that maybe you live in a stupider part of the country that needs tutoring more than we do, ryan? (“we” being The Greater San Francisco Bay Area for those of you who do not know…)

      That would explain many things.

      Apr 22, 2008 at 4:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.12   claw71 bang

      AA CB? How long have you been sober? I know it’s hard for brothers to stay of the malt liquor so let me be the first to say congratulations.

      If you think those Sylvan ads are racist you should see the flyer I just got from Bob Jones University. I’d be offended but they have a great masters of cross burning program. You just can’t argue with a quality American education.

      Apr 22, 2008 at 5:23 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.13   Canthz_B bang

      You don’t know the half of it, claw.
      I do wish obstetricians would explain bottle feeding more thoroughly to their minority patients!

      I heard gasoline soaked rag tying 202 is a bitch!!!

      Apr 22, 2008 at 7:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.14   ryankh05

      I say years because I didn’t buy cable when I moved to New Jersey from North Carolina two years ago.

      I would def say that NC is a dumber part of the country.

      ps. Grats on sobriety

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.15   Canthz_B bang

      Go back to NC, you are bringing down our proud NJ stats.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 3:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   RunBarbara

    You need to take action, Homero. Next thing you know there will be an unwrapped pair of European boxers with a note attached that says..“I saw these in my brother’s drawer and thought of you. See you at the water cooler, pal!”

    Apr 21, 2008 at 12:08 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #15   Set To Evil

    Going to a bald barber is like going to a mechanic who dosen’t own a car.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 12:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      except for the whole “There are two barbers in town, one has a shitty hair cut the other has a great hair cut. Which one should you go to?” the answer is the one with the bad hair cut, since it is hard to cut your own hair the one with the crappy hair cut GOT the crappy hair cut from the one with the good hair cut (who in turn got his hair cut from the one with shitty hair).

      Apr 21, 2008 at 1:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   claw71 bang

      Unless the one with the bad haircut is actually counting on this line of logic and cutting his own hair with a boning knife to sabotage the other barber’s reputation.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 1:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   secondsout bang

      That, and I think that if I had to bet, Portland probably has more than one barber.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 1:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   secondsout bang

      “Going to a bald barber is like going to a mechanic who doesn’t own a car.”

      This is the statement I once heard about male gynecologists.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 1:35 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #16   secondsout bang

    In many cities, the hair-cutting industry is dominated by gay men. Rob is threatening to buck that trend and start the wave of scary-looking tattooed freak-show type of barbers.

    Go to get a little off the top, and as long as you’re there, you get your cock pierced, and a set of job-stoppers tattooed across your knuckles that reads, “Mom’s Dead!”

    Apr 21, 2008 at 1:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Mishee bang

      Actually sout, I wouldn’t doubt it at all if the guy was gay..

      I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a thousand times – anything is possible in Portland, OR. It’s like The Chocolate Factory & The Land of Oz all rolled up into a seamy, rainy, microbrew drinking ball of weird.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 2:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   secondsout bang

      True that. This guy would be less the “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” prissy, meticulous gay boy, and more of the scary-looking leather daddy type.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 2:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   Tatman

    I don’t know about getting my hair cut by a bald guy, but the trimmings were fucking delicious.

    Sorry to steal someone else’s joke, but it’s fucking hilarious!

    Apr 21, 2008 at 2:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Tyler bang

    One stormy night, Homero comes home after a long day at work. Upon opening his front door he finds his kitchen floor is a little wet; a window is open. Thinking nothing of it he begins to cook dinner. As he begins to gather the ingredients for the rolls he is about to prepare, he realizes he can’t find his flour. “I could have sworn it was in this lower cupboard,” he thinks to himself. Frustrated, he begins searching the entire kitchen, when a hurried knock on the front door echoes throughout the house. “Who could that be? I don’t have any friends,” he says aloud. Reluctantly he goes into the front entry way, and cracks open the door. Suddenly, a push from the other side swings the door open making him lose his balance. In the darkness of the night stood his coworker. “I saw this flour and thought you might find it’s services helpful!” she breathed, in a manical, broken tone. Homero then looked down at what she was carrying. In her hands was the opened, half empty bag of flour from his cupboard….

    Apr 21, 2008 at 2:34 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Homero

      Tyler, that’s the BEST reply I’ve read all day!

      As for the others, I’m kind of amazed at the things people are inferring based on this one note (which, I’ll point out, doesn’t include any representations or descriptions of my actual appearance–this includes my well-trimmed, non-ironic facial hair and a full head of hair that is neither too messy nor overly-styled).

      This note isn’t the only reason I think this person is socially stunted, however. Among other things, she has a habit of making jokes that are generally known to be offensive and doesn’t seem to get that she’s the only one who’s amused by them. The politics of a small office like ours, however, seem to dictate that the most I can do is not respond to her bad bad jokes and engage her only when necessary for work. If someone can’t infer lack of chummyness from that, then what are they but socially stunted? Don’t get me wrong, from an actual *friend*, this would have been pretty effing funny.

      Oh, and I go by “Homero” because that’s my name. It rhymes w/”Romero” and the H is silent. My parents named me after my Grandfather, and besides that, I like my name because it’s pretty unique and is a great representation of my heritage, of which I am proud. I understand that you probably have a tenuous grasp of US English and little familiarity w/non-western-european cultures, though, so thank you for showing how low the lowest common denominator still is.

      As for the gay jokes: funny, classy AND original! Oh wait, that’s not what I meant! O_0 Seriously, if that’s the most original thing you can come up with by knowing only my name, then you should do yourself a favor and get back in bed before you’re faced w/an important decision requiring complex problem-solving skills.

      As for implied hipsterness: my haircut is not awkwardly asymmetrical, my aforementioned is still not ironic, my t-shirts are appropriately sized, and I don’t wear women’s stretch jeans, sooo…. yeah, not so much.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 3:09 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Mishee bang

      are you sure you live in Portland then Homero?? Or are we talking about Portland, Maine?

      And as for the gay jokes – I stand beside them no matter what – I’m from the SF Bay Area, and even I think there’s alot of gays in Portland… if the sylish shoe fits… (besides, I am pretty sure I said that Rob is gay, not you… I believe I likened you to Homer Simpson for the name and also your location).

      Apr 21, 2008 at 3:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   Homero

      Nope, I’m deffo in PDX. Just goes to show what happens when you ASSume. ;o)

      I wasn’t referring specifically to your gay jokes (and yes, there ARE lots of gays in PDX–that’s one of the reasons I like it! :o) ), but there were some pretty dumb ones that were based only on my name.

      As for the Homer Simpson references–also funny, classy and original!! Oh wait…! ;o)

      Apr 21, 2008 at 3:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      O.K. I previously resisted … but now that you are dissing The Simpsons references and Mishee…

      Homero … we don’t KNOW YOU sweetheart. We don’t know the context of the note other than the snippit YOU provided. The whole THING in the PAN Comments is to make jokes. We make up a larger context in which to play out said jokes. My “Homo/Homero” comment was the imaginary dialog of an imaginary bitchy coworker who dislikes you.

      You reply to the comments has been to insult the folks here rather than 1) have a little chuckle at yourself 2) simply clear up some confusion about the back story. (Like simply giving some examples of HOW the coworker is socially stunted without acting like WE are just assholes who should have known just to take your word for it (refer back to how we don’t know you and therefor don’t know that what you say is true))

      Sorry, after your response I am going to stick with Homero is an uppity asshat who can’t laugh at himself.

      Apr 21, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   poochie bang

      Yeah, right mate. Tell you what, for a fair and balanced – like your facial hair, apparently – opinion, point her to this and ask her to give her side of the story.

      YOU think she’s socially stunted. Get the rest of the office to chip in, eh? Otherwise you’re just… well, see many many posts above.

      Better still, leave her a PA note. After all, you obviously can’t say this to her face…

      Apr 21, 2008 at 3:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.6   Mishee bang

      be sure to get a pic of that P/A note before you leave it for her – submit it and we can ASSume some more….

      Apr 21, 2008 at 4:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.7   claw71 bang

      Portly-land might be home to more than its fair share of homosexuals but I would not associate anything stylish with the chain-smoking emogoths that live there.

      I bet Omero rushes to his local stylist with a magazine clipping that features the latest photo of Pete Wentz’s latest do. And where does he get his eyeliner?

      Apr 21, 2008 at 4:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.8   Canthz_B bang

      Homero’s skin is so thin we should make condoms out of it!

      Apr 21, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.9   Crash bang

      Your smileys are funny, classy and original…
      8) :D

      Apr 21, 2008 at 10:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   Mishee bang

    wow, I would have expected you would know something about this site before you submitted your note – if you did then you should know just what was gonna happen once it hit the homepage this morning… if you are unaware of repercussions, I refer you to exhibit a

    and as for your definitely being in PDX – well, sucks for you, but I can’t help you there! I wouldn’t live there again for a million dollars… the only thing PDX has in it’s favor is there is no Sales Tax and that little movie theater I went to with a friend that had beer other Portlandy type munchies that you could take into the theater with you to drink while you watched… fun!

    Oh, and Fred Meyer stores.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 3:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Homero

      I showed the note to a friend of mine and he suggested I submit it. I hadn’t heard of the website before. In retrospect I’m not all that surprised at the commentary (caveat emptor, yo!), and I honestly don’t mind the comments that are clever and funny, but some are just dumb and c’mon, people, YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT!!!

      Apr 21, 2008 at 3:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Mishee bang


      Ummm, I think are are GREATLY overestimating this site’s visitors… but I give you points for saying “You’re” and not “Your”…

      Apr 21, 2008 at 4:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      Sorry you hate my comments and some of the comments of others so much, I hope I/WE have not turned you off PAN forever. Come back and make fun of others WITH us, I bet you will like that part better ;)

      Apr 21, 2008 at 4:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   Canthz_B bang

      Homero, when you submit you’re asking for the good the bad and the ugly.
      Now had you had the foresight to send along a picture of your “well-trimmed, non-ironic facial hair and a full head of hair that is neither too messy nor overly-styled.” we might have something to discuss. ;-)

      Apr 21, 2008 at 10:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   claw71 bang

    I don’t care if the “H” is silent and if you’re named after my grandfather, the name sucks.

    And for the record, I know I’m better than cheap gay jokes…that’s why I wrote a little poem that included references to that post-punk/pre-grunge era where guys with names like Romero dared to combine both Trailer and Euro Trash into one nasty style.

    The only reason I went with a gay reference is that I couldn’t maintain the integrity of my meter by rhyming Members’ Only Jacket with Amyl Nitrate Packet.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #21   Mishee bang

    I do apologize if you feel like you’ve been insulted, but I stand by ALL my remarks about the Tri-County Portland Metropolitan area, and I also thought the Homer Simpson reference was funny… I went to great lengths to find the perfect picture from the episode 7F02 – “Simpson and Delilah” (which incidentally did NOT feature an appearance of Troy McClure just for reference’s sake)… but if you noticed, I did make sure that it was a pic of Homer with a FULL HEAD OF LUSTRIOUS HAIR!

    I regret nothing.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 4:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #22   Heidi

    cool pic though!

    Apr 21, 2008 at 6:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   gordfam

    Team I have a gay co-worker with no sense of humor and bad hair! Socially Stunted FTW!!!
    I wish I had a way to draw pink penises all over this post.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 7:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #24   damon

    My g/f’s passive-aggressive way to get me to shave is to rub my unshaven chin and yell in a really annoying voice, “FUZZYYYYYYY!!!!!!”

    She didn’t like it so much when I started doing the same to her on her legs. :P

    Apr 21, 2008 at 8:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   pilgrimchick

    I get a kick out of people who think they are funny like this–and I always feel bad about that.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 9:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    Team Get a Clue: Homero is “socially stunted” if he still thinks that insults heaped upon him are cries for attention by those doing the insult heaping.
    And to think that the people he thinks are friends, who are familiar with this site, told him to submit it!!!???
    Oh, I bet they are having the mother of all laughs at Homero!!! :twisted:

    It’s also not too smart to be insulted and advertise it to the world.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 10:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #27   Mishee bang

    I still regret nothing.

    Apr 21, 2008 at 11:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   Canthz_B bang

    I wish trichophobia inspired more P/A notes.
    I say shave all Wookiee-people down and make them study English as a second language!

    Apr 22, 2008 at 12:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   bellabeastie

      My name is Amy – and you actually do pronounce the “A”.

      I’m named after no one in particular – except me, and I’m proud of that. My grandfather’s name was George. And we pronounced the “G”.

      I think I have a pretty good grasp of US English, since I was born here. But thanks for bringing that possible lack of knowledge to my attention, ‘Omero. WTF would we do without you and your “full head of hair”?

      P.S. My kids speak Spanish & Lithuanian, too.

      P.P.S. Team You’re A Douchebag And Get Over Yourself Because No One Really Gives A Fuck About You Except Your Stalker Co-Worker

      Apr 22, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #28.2   TP

      where/who did your children learn lithuanian from?

      Apr 22, 2008 at 11:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #29   bellabeastie

    P.P.S.S. And grow an effin Sense of Humor while you’re at it.

    Apr 22, 2008 at 12:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #30   TP

    Team Amy’s Probably A Cunt – But At Least Her Children Know Spanish

    Apr 22, 2008 at 9:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Crash bang

      And You’re Probably A Whore But At Least You Can Spell Cunt…

      Apr 22, 2008 at 9:36 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   TP

      hahaha. i have a confession to make:

      1) i wanted to be as passive aggressive and uncalled for as possible, which, from past reading experience, would make someone be even more passive aggressive and uncalled for.

      2)bella posted last which made her the easiest target. sorry bella!

      3) i added in ‘probably’ because a previous post hinted that subtleties such as that were the best way to negate a comment. obviously that poster was very, very wrong.

      4) i’m slightly ashamed that i posted once, and now twice. not because my comments are hideous, but because i told myself i wouldn’t get pulled in.

      Apr 22, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   TP

      also…i am very, very ashamed that i referred to someone as a cunt. i’m not sure what that really means, and as comical as it is to me, i realize that (if it warrants “whore” as a return comment), it must be pretty low.

      again, sorry bella. you probably aren’t a cunt.

      Apr 22, 2008 at 11:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.4   Mishee bang

      TP, do you live under a rock or something?

      “…if it warrants ‘whore’ as a return comment…”???

      Don’t you realize that the C-bomb is the WORST of the worst things you can call a woman? Cause if you don’t know that, heed my advice now – unless you want to get really fucked up, don’t ever SERIOUSLY call a woman that… hell, most men & other women don’t have the option to use it jokingly with certain women, but some can (I call my good friends that in joking, but have also used it for evil too)… its not something you just know, so I suggest you just don’t use it at all. If you’re smart.

      Apr 22, 2008 at 11:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #30.5   Crash bang

      And a damn proud guinea pig I am damnit !!
      That just wasn’t right.
      She’s pretty cool.

      Apr 22, 2008 at 11:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.6   TP

      thanks mishee. i read it in some passive aggressive note on here the other day, and every one kept referring to it as the c-word; i just ASSumed they were sarcastically making fun of the fact that it wasn’t that bad of a word.

      and thanks crash for stepping it up (or down?) a notch with the whore jab. i wouldn’t have realized my mistake otherwise.

      Apr 22, 2008 at 11:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.7   Mishee bang

      TP, since you didn’ know about cunt and it’s repercussions, I don’t know if you know this one, but one of my three older brothers once told me that calling a woman a “Cunt” is equal to calling a man a “Feltcher”… then he wouldn’t even tell me what it meant, I had to ask my boyfriend (and he looked like he was gonna puke when I did… I had to drag it out of him!)… but that was before the popularity of Google…

      Happy Googling…

      Apr 22, 2008 at 11:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.8   TP

      oh man! i’m temped to ask my fiance if he knows what that means.

      side note: don’t try to google ‘cunt’ to figure out what that means, unless you like porn.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.9   Mishee bang

      That’s when wikipedia comes into play TP…

      *hint: you can’t even find “Feltcher” on wikipedia, and they have “Dirty Sanchez”!!

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.10   TP

      i’m getting married soon and wanted my skin to look amazing for the big day so i went around telling everyone that i wanted a facial, and that i was going to get a facial for the first time…and then i googled “facials” in order to find a spa. i definitely learned something that day.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #31   Quite Contrary bang

    Wow. What have I missed? This seems low, even for us.

    Apr 22, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Crash bang

      Sorry…not trying to offend you…

      Apr 22, 2008 at 10:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.2   Quite Contrary bang

      I know that! I know we tend to go to the lowest level pretty quickly around here, but this just seemed so low. The c-word is just so…harsh. And that is an understatement.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #31.3   TP

      how does everyone know that???

      in my defense i equated the c-word to be less harsh and more humorous than calling someone the p-word.

      gosh! hate my guts why don’t you.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.4   poochie bang

      That’s a dumb assessment. Calling someone a cunt is probably the worst thing you can do. And I mean, calling a woman a cunt… that’s just awful.

      You can’t playfully call someone you don’t know a cunt. Try it in the pub. You’ll be picking up your teeth with a broken arm.

      By the way, didn’t your mother tell you not to use words you don’t understand the meaning of? Or did she wander around calling you a little cunt. Only, you know, in a playful manner.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 11:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #31.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      the p-word the p-word … hmm you say you are religious so Protestant?
      “i wanted to be as passive aggressive and uncalled for as possible

      that belies your claim that you didn’t know you were being horribly offensive. Thanks for playing. Try again!

      Apr 23, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #32   Mishee bang

    I just Homero is happy with what he has started… damn him and damn his not awkwardly asymmetrical haircut!

    Can’t we all just get a bong!?…err… I mean along!

    Apr 22, 2008 at 11:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   poochie bang

      the bong sounds like a good idea. not only would people stop giving a shit, but they probably wouldn’t have the energy to get up and post.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 11:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   Quite Contrary bang

    Dear PAN God: Any chance you have a new PAN for us PAN-philes to dissect and critique? We really need to get off the subject of cunts, whores, other things that Mishee seems to know an awful lot about but even wikipedia eschews, ESL, “the gays,” religion, peanuts, cast iron cookware, etc. I never thought I’d say it but maybe a nice PAN on politics might actually be safe for us! Thanks so much. xoxo, QC

    Apr 23, 2008 at 12:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Crash bang

      Sorry again…
      I just think bella’s cool.
      And someone called her the C-Word…
      So I, in my own way…tried to defend her.
      Oh well…

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.2   TP

      don’t apologize. i started it.

      i’m very, very sorry for all the craziness. in the future, i’ll google/wikipedia any words i’m unfamilar with.

      do delete buttons not exist here?
      and crash…i am not a whore.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.3   Crash bang

      Good for you.
      Maybe you can Google where your kid’s can learn Lithuanian.
      No need to apologize to me ( repeat ME ) either.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.4   TP

      huh? i don’t read internet sarcasm very well.

      i’m really not sure if you’re saying that i owe you an apology…because if i offended you, and disrespected your friend, I am very sorry. From the bottom of my heart. i’m not naturally a mean person, and i actually feel very guilty for what i said about someone who is probably a very amazing person.

      i’m young and stupid, accidently offending the general population is my curse.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.5   Crash bang

      Why not apologize to the person you said was probably a Cunt ?

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.6   TP

      I did – twice.

      oh please, can this just end?

      i am very, very sorry to Amy, aka Bella, for the horrible language i used. i thought my post was just a funny follow up to yours. i was wrong, it’s a horrible word to use EVER, especially to another woman.

      i’m sorry crash that i am so reprehensible to you and i disrespected someone you care about.

      i’m sorry qc that you had to be subjected to my disgusting language.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.7   Crash bang

      Cool, if you already did…but how can you not know that word is offensive ?

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.8   TP

      i don’t know. no one i know has ever used it. i have only church friends (yes, i know) and they don’t really keep me posted on the most offensive language. i just pick stuff up as i go along.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 1:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.9   Mishee bang

      “Mishee seems to know an awful lot about but even wikipedia eschews”

      QC – I try to be well learned in all aspects of the world, even things that wikipedia doesn’t have information on!! :D There is no substitute for the experience (not that I have experienced that, but you know what I mean!! I hope….) of living life….

      *removes foot from mouth*

      So, erm, how ’bout them A’s?? 8)

      Apr 23, 2008 at 1:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #34   TP


    wanna be mortal enemies or something?

    Apr 23, 2008 at 12:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Crash bang

      Wow…I’m scared.
      Le’me pack my bag’s and run into hiding somewhere…
      How old are you…13 ?!?
      That almost sounds like an invitation TP.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #35   TP

    OH MY GOSH!!!!

    i was trying to mend the bridge by saying something light and stupid. and it was an invitation…like a call to arms (but slightly playful).

    it’s late, i’m tired and it’s obvious this isn’t going away anytime soon. blah! i’ll quit posting if you promise to leave me alone.

    (this was supposed to be 34.2)

    Apr 23, 2008 at 12:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Crash bang

      “I can’t read internet sarcasim very well…”
      34.1… 8)
      I’m just cool like that.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 12:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #35.2   TP

      well obviously i’m quite frazzled.

      so are we done? i quit posting, you leave me alone, our lives go on same as before.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 1:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #36   Crash bang

    Ya’ #35…I can back edit too by the way.

    And for the record,
    I’ve never talked to bella,
    I just think she’s cool is all.

    But since you’re “obviously quite frazzled”…
    And…you back edited #35.2 also…Nice.

    Apr 23, 2008 at 1:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   TP

      “i can back edit too by the way” doesn’t seem like you’re leaving me alone.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 1:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #36.2   Crash bang

      Nah…It looks like you’re not as tired as you say you are and YOU’RE continuing this.

      No one is forcing you to reply unless you’re being held captive with a gun to your head and someone telling you to “REPLY”…

      I can’t sleep,
      so this at least gives me something to do.

      But who know’s what you’ll change in your last post…
      You just back edit too much so you can play “victim” and that’s B.S.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 1:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #37   GhostWriter bang

    But I really meant to write, “therapist”! Can’t I back-edit “the rapist” without someone calling BS?

    Why not wait ten minutes before you reply to a controversial post?

    Apr 23, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Mishee bang

      GW: at least you weren’t trying to say a mixure of analyst and therapist… cause I hear that “analrapist” gets a pretty good response from people!! :D loling here…

      (sorry, had to go for the A.D. reference, it was just reverberating in my head!)

      Apr 23, 2008 at 10:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #37.2   Crash bang

      Not to beat a dead horse G.W.
      But I thought I did wait 10 min with #36…
      My clock is three hours behind and two minutes ahead of this sight though.
      And she kept back editing…
      I actually called it quits before her, but she back edited her post before mine after she saw that, and a few more too.
      So I stated in comment #36…
      Dead horse.

      Apr 23, 2008 at 10:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #37.3   GhostWriter bang

      The reason to wait ten (or more) minutes between replies is to allow previous posts to firm up, such that they can no longer be back edited. That’s the only point I was trying to make.

      I am all for late-night intra-commentary feuds. In fact, I am about to start one up with Mishee concerning the nonexistence of a company named “Cingular”.

      Apr 29, 2008 at 12:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #37.4   Mishee bang

      *running for the door*

      I knew I shouldn’t have said anything to defy GW!!

      Dammit dammit dammit!!! Now I am on the “S” List!!!

      Apr 29, 2008 at 1:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #38   Bellabeastie

    Holy Moses !! Number one — thanks a million, Crash for going to bat for me. Number two — TP I forgive you for being a complete peckerhead and not knowing of what or whom you speak.

    Mishee, QC, uhg, GW, poochie — gosh, I didn’t know I had so many PAN friends !!

    My kids learned Lithuanian from their grandparents, if you must know.

    Team Big Prayers For The Impending Nuptials. yikes.

    Apr 23, 2008 at 1:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Canthz_B bang

      What’s a peckerhead? ;-)

      I’m shocked that no one used “snatch” on this crazy thread! 8-O

      Apr 23, 2008 at 4:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #38.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      Maybe “Peckerhead” is the mysterious P-Word …

      Love you too bella!

      Apr 23, 2008 at 4:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #39   Jen

    I love it! You don’t mess with people’s hair.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 9:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #40   Alphabetsocks

    Aw, I’m saddened by all the Rob hate… he works at my favorite salon in Portland and has cut my hair twice. I was happy with the result both times!

    Let’s just ignore the fact that he spent my entire last visit talking about Charles Manson…

    Apr 29, 2008 at 11:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #41   just sayin’

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    May 1, 2009 at 8:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #42   'Do the Bieber! | — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

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