Homero in Portland had just finished heating up his lunch in the office microwave when he returned to his desk to find this “helpful” note — attached to an ad from the local alt-weekly — waiting on his chair. Though it’s unsigned, he says he’s pretty sure he knows which coworker left it for him. “She’s kind of socially stunted, but seems to think that a) she’s very funny and b) we’re BFF,” Homero says. “Um…no.”
related: WoW, indeed
137 responses so far ↓
#1
Mishee
I’ve read the Portland Mirror, I’ve seen the people who live in Portland (I used to ride Tri-Met, that is an experience unto intself!), and I’ve seen Portland businesses – this does not surprise me one bit.
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:05 am rating: 1
#2
Quite Contrary
I’m not sure what is worse. The note on your chair from the co-worker-who-thinks-they-are-funny- AND-your friend or the note from your boss that says nothing more than “see me.” Ah, work. And they wonder why I took the day off today.
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:06 am rating: 2
#3
Gez
Team weird friend. Sending this in to PAN is the most PA way of saying that you don’t want to be friends
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:06 am rating: 11
#4
acolyte
Nice back hand slap I would say. Either she’s being a wise ass or we really need to see Homero’s hair…
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:11 am rating: 1
#5
kalyke
Meh. I would be frightened if a friend wannabe left that at my desk. That guy is frightening looking.
I think this person should find a “find a friend” ad and tape it to the coworkers desk.
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:17 am rating: 1
#6
zchamu
What is that thing? Is he shaving a ham hock or something? I’m scared.
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:18 am rating: 2
#7
anglophile
Oh, poor thing. She has a crush on him, and this was the best way of flirting with him she could think of. I remember back in first grade, when, in a misguided attempt to flirt with the cutest boy in class, I hit him really hard. The teacher yelled at me and I was so embarrassed!
Of course, Freddy and I ended up being THE couple of the class until sixth grade, so maybe my technique wasn’t so bad after all….
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:21 am rating: 5
#8
Lorrie
Still less frightening than finding a pair of scissors next to your head in the morning when you wake up.
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:28 am rating: 1
#9
Epiphany
Of course he would be fucking up people’s hair! He doesn’t have any on his head!
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:39 am rating: 0
#10
Wade
Is that supposed to be a tongue, or is smiley drooling?
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:41 am rating: 3
#11
agatha christie
I love those “I think I’m your friend” friends. The type that traipses around the eight-floor library in search of you when you don’t answer her calls and then when she finds you, asks why you didn’t answer and wants to hang out.
Apr 21, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: 0
#12
claw71
So you go by the name “Homero” and you think somebody else has social issues?
Apr 21, 2008 at 11:51 am rating: 3
#13
claw71
My name is Homero
I drive a Camaro
I wear a mullet each day
I’ve grown me a moustache
and a nice little soul patch
as a little symbol I’m gay.
Apr 21, 2008 at 12:05 pm rating: 5
#14
RunBarbara
You need to take action, Homero. Next thing you know there will be an unwrapped pair of European boxers with a note attached that says..“I saw these in my brother’s drawer and thought of you. See you at the water cooler, pal!”
Apr 21, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: 6
#15
Set To Evil
Going to a bald barber is like going to a mechanic who dosen’t own a car.
Apr 21, 2008 at 12:54 pm rating: 1
#16
secondsout
In many cities, the hair-cutting industry is dominated by gay men. Rob is threatening to buck that trend and start the wave of scary-looking tattooed freak-show type of barbers.
Go to get a little off the top, and as long as you’re there, you get your cock pierced, and a set of job-stoppers tattooed across your knuckles that reads, “Mom’s Dead!”
Apr 21, 2008 at 1:39 pm rating: 2
#17
Tatman
I don’t know about getting my hair cut by a bald guy, but the trimmings were fucking delicious.
Sorry to steal someone else’s joke, but it’s fucking hilarious!
Apr 21, 2008 at 2:06 pm rating: 1
#18
Tyler
One stormy night, Homero comes home after a long day at work. Upon opening his front door he finds his kitchen floor is a little wet; a window is open. Thinking nothing of it he begins to cook dinner. As he begins to gather the ingredients for the rolls he is about to prepare, he realizes he can’t find his flour. “I could have sworn it was in this lower cupboard,” he thinks to himself. Frustrated, he begins searching the entire kitchen, when a hurried knock on the front door echoes throughout the house. “Who could that be? I don’t have any friends,” he says aloud. Reluctantly he goes into the front entry way, and cracks open the door. Suddenly, a push from the other side swings the door open making him lose his balance. In the darkness of the night stood his coworker. “I saw this flour and thought you might find it’s services helpful!” she breathed, in a manical, broken tone. Homero then looked down at what she was carrying. In her hands was the opened, half empty bag of flour from his cupboard….
Apr 21, 2008 at 2:34 pm rating: 9
#19
Mishee
wow, I would have expected you would know something about this site before you submitted your note – if you did then you should know just what was gonna happen once it hit the homepage this morning… if you are unaware of repercussions, I refer you to exhibit a…
and as for your definitely being in PDX – well, sucks for you, but I can’t help you there! I wouldn’t live there again for a million dollars… the only thing PDX has in it’s favor is there is no Sales Tax and that little movie theater I went to with a friend that had beer other Portlandy type munchies that you could take into the theater with you to drink while you watched… fun!
Oh, and Fred Meyer stores.
Apr 21, 2008 at 3:31 pm rating: 2
#20
claw71
I don’t care if the “H” is silent and if you’re named after my grandfather, the name sucks.
And for the record, I know I’m better than cheap gay jokes…that’s why I wrote a little poem that included references to that post-punk/pre-grunge era where guys with names like Romero dared to combine both Trailer and Euro Trash into one nasty style.
The only reason I went with a gay reference is that I couldn’t maintain the integrity of my meter by rhyming Members’ Only Jacket with Amyl Nitrate Packet.
Apr 21, 2008 at 4:21 pm rating: 12
#21
Mishee
I do apologize if you feel like you’ve been insulted, but I stand by ALL my remarks about the Tri-County Portland Metropolitan area, and I also thought the Homer Simpson reference was funny… I went to great lengths to find the perfect picture from the episode 7F02 – “Simpson and Delilah” (which incidentally did NOT feature an appearance of Troy McClure just for reference’s sake)… but if you noticed, I did make sure that it was a pic of Homer with a FULL HEAD OF LUSTRIOUS HAIR!
I regret nothing.
Apr 21, 2008 at 4:55 pm rating: 3
#22
Heidi
cool pic though!
Apr 21, 2008 at 6:44 pm rating: 0
#23
gordfam
Team I have a gay co-worker with no sense of humor and bad hair! Socially Stunted FTW!!!
I wish I had a way to draw pink penises all over this post.
Apr 21, 2008 at 7:50 pm rating: 2
#24
damon
My g/f’s passive-aggressive way to get me to shave is to rub my unshaven chin and yell in a really annoying voice, “FUZZYYYYYYY!!!!!!”
She didn’t like it so much when I started doing the same to her on her legs.
Apr 21, 2008 at 8:58 pm rating: 1
#25
pilgrimchick
I get a kick out of people who think they are funny like this–and I always feel bad about that.
Apr 21, 2008 at 9:28 pm rating: 0
#26
Canthz_B
Team Get a Clue: Homero is “socially stunted” if he still thinks that insults heaped upon him are cries for attention by those doing the insult heaping.
And to think that the people he thinks are friends, who are familiar with this site, told him to submit it!!!???
Oh, I bet they are having the mother of all laughs at Homero!!!
It’s also not too smart to be insulted and advertise it to the world.
Apr 21, 2008 at 10:41 pm rating: 4
#27
Mishee
I still regret nothing.
Apr 21, 2008 at 11:21 pm rating: 0
#28
Canthz_B
I wish trichophobia inspired more P/A notes.
I say shave all Wookiee-people down and make them study English as a second language!
Apr 22, 2008 at 12:15 am rating: 1
#29
bellabeastie
P.P.S.S. And grow an effin Sense of Humor while you’re at it.
Apr 22, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: 3
#30
TP
Team Amy’s Probably A Cunt – But At Least Her Children Know Spanish
Apr 22, 2008 at 9:15 pm rating: 0
#31
Quite Contrary
Wow. What have I missed? This seems low, even for us.
Apr 22, 2008 at 10:34 pm rating: 0
#32
Mishee
I just Homero is happy with what he has started… damn him and damn his not awkwardly asymmetrical haircut!
Can’t we all just get a bong!?…err… I mean along!
Apr 22, 2008 at 11:14 pm rating: 4
#33
Quite Contrary
Dear PAN God: Any chance you have a new PAN for us PAN-philes to dissect and critique? We really need to get off the subject of cunts, whores, other things that Mishee seems to know an awful lot about but even wikipedia eschews, ESL, “the gays,” religion, peanuts, cast iron cookware, etc. I never thought I’d say it but maybe a nice PAN on politics might actually be safe for us! Thanks so much. xoxo, QC
Apr 23, 2008 at 12:16 am rating: 1
#34
TP
crash,
wanna be mortal enemies or something?
Apr 23, 2008 at 12:34 am rating: 0
#35
TP
OH MY GOSH!!!!
i was trying to mend the bridge by saying something light and stupid. and it was an invitation…like a call to arms (but slightly playful).
it’s late, i’m tired and it’s obvious this isn’t going away anytime soon. blah! i’ll quit posting if you promise to leave me alone.
(this was supposed to be 34.2)
Apr 23, 2008 at 12:54 am rating: 0
#36
Crash
Ya’ #35…I can back edit too by the way.
And for the record,
I’ve never talked to bella,
I just think she’s cool is all.
But since you’re “obviously quite frazzled”…
G’Night
And…you back edited #35.2 also…Nice.
Apr 23, 2008 at 1:10 am rating: 0
#37
GhostWriter
But I really meant to write, “therapist”! Can’t I back-edit “the rapist” without someone calling BS?
Why not wait ten minutes before you reply to a controversial post?
Apr 23, 2008 at 10:03 am rating: 0
#38
Bellabeastie
Holy Moses !! Number one — thanks a million, Crash for going to bat for me. Number two — TP I forgive you for being a complete peckerhead and not knowing of what or whom you speak.
Mishee, QC, uhg, GW, poochie — gosh, I didn’t know I had so many PAN friends !!
My kids learned Lithuanian from their grandparents, if you must know.
Team Big Prayers For The Impending Nuptials. yikes.
Apr 23, 2008 at 1:39 pm rating: 3
#39
Jen
I love it! You don’t mess with people’s hair.
Apr 25, 2008 at 9:36 pm rating: 0
#40
Alphabetsocks
Aw, I’m saddened by all the Rob hate… he works at my favorite salon in Portland and has cut my hair twice. I was happy with the result both times!
Let’s just ignore the fact that he spent my entire last visit talking about Charles Manson…
Apr 29, 2008 at 11:36 am rating: 1
#41 just sayin’
[...] related: the overly friendly coworker: ruining your day since you held the elevator for her that one time [...]
May 1, 2009 at 8:41 am rating: 0
#42 'Do the Bieber! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people
[...] related: The overly-friendly coworker: ruining your day since you held the door for her that one time [...]
Apr 15, 2010 at 4:43 pm rating: 0
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