our customers are always right…except when they’re wrong

April 25th, 2008 · 112 comments

heather says this pizzeria in victoria, b.c. has been confounding customers with its customer service “policy” for as long as she can remember. (which i guess means…it’s working?)

our customers are always right...except when they're wrong

related: ps bacon is life

Tags: "customer service" · mixed metaphors · pizza

112 responses so far ↓

  • #1  Crash

    As long as you don’t serve me bad water I’ll be an important customer then, confound it !!
    :D

    Apr 25, 2008 at 1:16 am

     
  • #2  EL CHAVO!

    That’s one of the best finds yet!

    Apr 25, 2008 at 1:27 am

     
  • #3  Carrie

    *snort*

    Apr 25, 2008 at 1:33 am

     
  • #4  Canthz_B

    So does a drink of bad water mean that I am doomed to a bad life? FTW!!

    Apr 25, 2008 at 1:53 am

     
  • #5  Canthz_B

    “We know our food is toxic, but the water is to die for!”

    Apr 25, 2008 at 2:01 am

    • #5.1  Voca Popula

      We could always try reporting them to the Office of Water, but I don’t think they’re an international organization.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 8:15 am

       
    • #5.2  Canthz_B

      I wonder if they have lipstick pizzas.

      Apr 26, 2008 at 2:51 pm

       
     
  • #6  Sarah

    That bad water was fucking delicious.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 2:26 am

    • #6.1  Crash

      First !!!
      And that’s a first…
      And so is me typing this. :D

      Apr 25, 2008 at 2:50 am

       
    • #6.2  Sarcastic Monkey

      OOoooOOooOOooOo You’re smart Sarah! That’s so effin original!

      Apr 25, 2008 at 10:44 am

       
    • #6.3  Mishee

      Sarcastic Monkey, you are so effin classy and original when you attack someone who just tried to make a joke that has been running here on PAN longer than you have… why are you trying to start shit and insult someone because she made the “fucking delicious” reference… it just makes me think that you are not only a bully, but also not too self-assured that you need to attack that comment.

      I remember when it was a race to see who could make the first “fucking delicious” reference on a thread - it was a badge of honor. Ok, Sarah’s fucking delicious reference wasn’t the best, but it certainly wasn’t the worst! I believe I am gonna have to ask you to wear The Unitard for now….

      Apr 25, 2008 at 10:54 am

       
    • #6.4  RunBarbara

      The unitard made me spit coffee out my nose. Today, Mishee, I have decided to love you.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:22 am

       
    • #6.5  Mishee

      Just today?

      I figured a unitard joke would be worth at least 3 days minimum! :D

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:28 am

       
    • #6.6  Canthz_B

      Unitards are fucking delicious! ;-)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:40 am

       
    • #6.7  Sarah

      Yeah, I know it wasn’t original. I wasn’t trying to be original. By this point it’s a meta-comment, anyway.

      To be honest, I’ve got nothing.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:54 am

       
    • #6.8  RunBarbara

      I will love you until next Tuesday at 8pm, Pacific. Then I will just like you a whole lot.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:59 am

       
    • #6.9  Mishee

      I guess it’s a better than Mr. Mishee has offered me, so I will take it!! :D

      Apr 25, 2008 at 12:10 pm

       
    • #6.10  Ricehead

      You got unitarded!! Now get your hands off me you damn dirty ape!!! (go Charlton!)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 7:00 pm

       
    • #6.11  Canthz_B

      He’s gone already. You can now wrest the gun from his cold dead hand. ;-)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 7:18 pm

       
    • #6.12  Total Douche

      …and the souvlakis was fucking delicious!
      And at 2 for 1 it’s also a fucking bargain!
      It’s a fucking delicious bargain!

      Team Fucking Delicious!

      Apr 27, 2008 at 1:39 am

       
     
  • #7  Heather

    Hey! Shout out to Victoria! From another Heather there. :)

    Apr 25, 2008 at 2:56 am

     
  • #8  honeyedhemlock

    I need some asprin.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 3:39 am

     
  • #9  Costas

    “Donairs”?!

    Are these airborne Doner kebabs?

    Apr 25, 2008 at 4:11 am

    • #9.1  Chipmunk

      I was under the impression that “donair” is an acceptable spelling for “doner”. Is this correct, or do you Greeks mock us Yanks for mispelling delicious food?

      (This is of course assuming that you are Greek due to your name ^_^)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 5:19 am

       
    • #9.2  Wibke

      Wikipedia to the rescue.

      I didn’t know the Canadians did that. Sounds kinda … horrible. Probably tastes better than it sounds. (at least I hope so)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 7:26 am

       
    • #9.3  kiltedflower

      On a trip to Canada many years ago, we asked “what is a donair?” and were told “it’s donair meat inside donair bread covered with donair sauce.”

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:15 am

       
    • #9.4  Juliet

      Kiltedflower, LOL!

      Clearly Greeks have been killing and eating the meat of donairs for several millennia (sp?) You don’t want to know what the donair sauce is, ;-)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:37 am

       
    • #9.5  amazon

      Wibke,

      If that sounds gross, don’t go for Brazilian churrasco. There, they bring huge hunks of meat on skewers directly to your table, and slice it right onto your plate.

      mmm…

      Apr 25, 2008 at 12:11 pm

       
    • #9.6  TheFlinFlonDrunk

      We Canadians do a lot of weird things, and now thanks to the internet we have to admit to them.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 2:24 pm

       
    • #9.7  Sue Do Nim

      I’d rather pay for an ambulance than see a donair.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 2:31 pm

       
    • #9.8  Total Douche

      Wasn’t Canada just on strike a few weeks ago. I remember seeing that on TV.

      Apr 27, 2008 at 1:41 am

       
    • #9.9  TheFlinFlonDrunk

      We did go on strike but nobody cared so we all got drunk and had an orgy instead.

      Apr 27, 2008 at 11:49 am

       
    • #9.10  Total Douche

      Damn, I gotta check my mail more often, I JUST got the invitation today!!!

      Apr 27, 2008 at 6:32 pm

       
    • #9.11  TheFlinFlonDrunk

      I would like to apologize for being the one representing Canada. I often get drunk and type. I would like to say Drunken Donair Debauchery 2008. Best orgy ever!! Go Canada!!

      Apr 28, 2008 at 12:46 pm

       
     
  • #10  Chipmunk

    Now, grammatically, I know it means “water -> life as customers ->us”. But I’m reading it as “water ->life as customers -> importance.”

    So it comes out as “Nobody likes bad importance!”

    Apr 25, 2008 at 5:17 am

    • #10.1  Me

      you are a genius!

      Customers would replace water.
      As in “Nobody likes bad customers”.

      Hooray !!!

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:55 am

       
     
  • #11  unholyghost2003

    Perhaps this sign isn’t the only P/A thing about this place. A review I found:
    “best donair in the world
    Athena’s makes them big, bold, and beautiful. Their beef donair is 12 full inches long, and has 4 inches of girth. These things are a tradition within my circle of friends… go ahead and try to eat a whole donair… I dare you.

    The atmosphere inside is appropriately soup-nazi-esque. Just walk in.. pay the man your 10 bucks.. and you’ll be in donair heaven.”

    Apr 25, 2008 at 7:09 am

    • #11.1  claw71

      Everything I’ve ever eaten in Canada had either maple syrup or Clamato in it. I think I’ll pass on a “donair” pizza.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 8:48 am

       
    • #11.2  GhostWriter

      Their beef donair is 12 full inches long, and has 4 inches of girth.

      I think I saw that in a movie once.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 8:50 am

       
    • #11.3  claw71

      I don’t know about a movie but my wife just called me and said she wants to take a weekend trip to Victoria.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 8:57 am

       
    • #11.4  Mishee

      ummmm… wife???? :D

      I swear I didn’t know!

      Apr 25, 2008 at 9:01 am

       
    • #11.5  RunBarbara

      I wonder how big their donair pan is….

      Apr 25, 2008 at 9:28 am

       
    • #11.6  Bellabeastie

      Ooohh, I can only imagine.

      “Go ahead and try to eat a whole donair, I dare you.”

      Team Double Dog Dare Ya, And Don’t Forget to Come Up for Air

      Apr 25, 2008 at 1:13 pm

       
    • #11.7  Mishee

      Triple Dog Dare me and I’ll stick my tongue to a lightpole in winter…

      Maybe.

      But only if you get me a Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas!

      Apr 25, 2008 at 1:19 pm

       
    • #11.8  Bellabeastie

      You’ll shoot your eye out, kid…

      Then the dogs will eat the donairs and we’ll have to have Chinese food for dinner.

      LOL Mishee !!

      Apr 25, 2008 at 1:29 pm

       
    • #11.9  Canthz_B

      Bowm-chicka-wow-wow! ;-)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 2:02 pm

       
    • #11.10  mirandasjoy

      12 full inches long, and has 4 inches of girth.

      I had a boyfriend like this once, had to let him go, actually was forced to because apparently you are sposed to share discoveries and not be greedy …

      Apr 25, 2008 at 3:45 pm

       
    • #11.11  Sarah

      I guess that means Athena’s donair is really 5 inches long with maybe two inches of girth, tops.

      Apr 26, 2008 at 9:47 am

       
     
  • #12  Wade

    Donairs Pizza: Covering Canada from Halifax to Victoria

    (just noticed the link under the photo ;) )

    Apr 25, 2008 at 7:12 am

     
  • #13  claw71

    If you feel the need to post that sentiment I suspect you might be in one of this distant lands where all you have is bad water.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 8:44 am

     
  • #14  GhostWriter

    What is with that weird logo?
    It almost looks like a nude woman in Cheney’s glasses.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 8:53 am

    • #14.1  unholyghost2003

      I *think* it is a Trojan Horse

      Apr 25, 2008 at 8:58 am

       
    • #14.2  Mishee

      I’m thinking it maybe looks like an Easter Island statue head…. but like, one that was left out in the sun and withered like a raisin…

      Apr 25, 2008 at 9:05 am

       
    • #14.3  Joe

      It is rather strange at first glance. It takes some staring to figure out that it’s supposed to be Athena. Outlining the boundaries would have helped a lot more than all the shadows.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 9:06 am

       
    • #14.4  GhostWriter

      Easter Island statue? That’s just what I was thinking, Mishee!

      The more I stare, the more I see Queen Victoria.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 9:07 am

       
    • #14.5  Canthz_B

      It’s a PAN Rorschach test!

      Apr 25, 2008 at 12:04 pm

       
     
  • #15  GhostWriter

    Athena? …wearing a winter parka, maybe.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 9:11 am

     
  • #16  claw71

    I think it’s a badly replicated clip art photo of a bust of the goddess Athena.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 9:12 am

    • #16.1  GhostWriter

      If that’s Athena, why is there a 12-inch beef donair hanging off her?

      Apr 25, 2008 at 9:16 am

       
    • #16.2  claw71

      She’s Greek. DUH!

      Apr 25, 2008 at 9:26 am

       
    • #16.3  Juliet

      I thought it was a profile of a roman soldier, with those goofy horsehair mohawk-style hats… bad clip art would make more sense.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:46 am

       
     
  • #17  Joe

    I’m a little confused by the 2 for 1 deals. I get the 2 for 1 pizza, since it’s on its own line. But I can’t tell if it’s the souvlakis or the pasta that are 2 for 1.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 9:17 am

    • #17.1  bob

      No, no, no… you hand over one pasta, they give you two souvlakis in return.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 10:35 am

       
     
  • #18  RunBarbara

    This sign, roughly translated, means something like….“Give us your money, eat our girthy donair and don’t be an asshole. Don’t even think of bringing your kids in here and don’t throw up in the urinal.”

    Apr 25, 2008 at 9:32 am

     
  • #19  Ron

    I drank bad water in Victoria once. I was so sick that I just laid by the toilet for 2 days only moving to dry heave some more.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 9:54 am

    • #19.1  RunBarbara

      Okay, forgive the ignorance…I live near Tijuana (San Diego). We dont drink the water down there. Ever. Even if youre taking a shower. Is it the same way in Victoria?

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:24 am

       
    • #19.2  Juliet

      I live in Victoria BC and I drank the water as recently as 10 minutes ago and I am suffering no ill effects. I’ve been drinking the water here for years. The quality does seem to vary in different parts of town, however. I hope you didn’t go swimming off Dallas Road.

      I guess I’ve never ordered from Athena’s, because I would remember that. Either that or it is a recent change in their customer service policy.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 11:44 am

       
    • #19.3  Bellabeastie

      Ugh. Me, too. Only it was bad mussels in Toronto instead of bad water in Victoria.

      But I feel your pain nonetheless.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 1:35 pm

       
     
  • #20  Canthz_B

    If they substitute the word “sex” for “water” I’d be willing to wager a goodly sum that business will pick up!

    Apr 25, 2008 at 12:21 pm

     
  • #21  Naomi

    …I hope they can blaim this on Engrish.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    • #21.1  unholyghost2003

      ummm Naomi, hate to break it to you but Canadians speak English. I mean this is B.C. so it isn’t even like they are québécois.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 1:07 pm

       
    • #21.2  Juliet

      Naomi… are you serious???? That’s like saying all Americans talk ‘Mer-can’.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 3:46 pm

       
    • #21.3  Canthz_B

      Was “blaim” part of the joke? Just checking. ;-)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 3:48 pm

       
    • #21.4  claw71

      Naomi couldn’t respond to you guys…she had to “git” to the NASCAR race “orta” Talladega. YEEE HAW!!!

      Apr 25, 2008 at 4:09 pm

       
    • #21.5  known unknown

      …lost me at “blaim.”

      Apr 28, 2008 at 7:23 am

       
     
  • #22  Sarah

    They have a point, though. You really don’t want to mess with Athena. She wears a bloody Medusa head over her clothes!

    (British *and* literally!)

    Apr 25, 2008 at 1:15 pm

     
  • #23  OutOfTopic

    given the tone of certain comments here for a while, I’m wondering: is tmhq rule #1 applying out of tmhq?
    Please stop to be PA to new commenters (or even just aggressive sometimes) or someone will have to post one of your own comments as a PAN…
    This is so ironical that even this comment apply to this rule, it probably proves it doesn’t have to be answered but just meditated.

    Apr 25, 2008 at 2:44 pm

    • #23.1  Juliet

      ??? Are you Engrish??? Sorry I don’t know what you’re trying to say.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 3:48 pm

       
    • #23.2  Summer

      What the fuck was that??!!??!! My head hurts and I only read it twice, is this like a puzzle or something?

      Apr 25, 2008 at 4:11 pm

       
    • #23.3  claw71

      DICK!

      (not up to my usually pithy standards, but why bother?)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 4:11 pm

       
    • #23.4  GhostWriter

      I love this new guy! Keep on Keepin’ ON!

      The OutOfTopic Customer is Always Right.

      Now, off to meditate on the 1st Rule…

      Apr 25, 2008 at 4:19 pm

       
    • #23.5  Mishee

      Ummmm, I believe the FIRST rule of TMHQ, is Don’t Talk About TMHQ!

      Actually, technically that is the first rule, cause Kerry didn’t post the existing ones (which doesn’t have the revolving last rule that I loved so much!) until a little while after TMHQ’s conception.

      But as for this person’s comment(their comment, if you will), all I have to say is… “Huh?”

      Apr 25, 2008 at 4:27 pm

       
    • #23.6  amazon

      Actually, the first rule of TMHQ is “don’t be an asshole. seriously, don’t be that guy.”

      So is it odd that I kinda get what OOT is saying?

      He wants to know if “don’t be an asshole” applies to comments as well as TMHQ. He’s also pointing out the “ironical”ness of the fact that we’re all passive-aggressive to each other here in the comments.

      Honestly, I disagree. We’re flat out dicks to one another here ;)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 6:18 pm

       
    • #23.7  Mishee

      ok amazon, what I said was totally lost on you… but the people I wanted to get it understood what I was saying…

      Apr 25, 2008 at 6:26 pm

       
    • #23.8  Canthz_B

      FTW?
      Amazon, if you lurk there please do us the courtesy of saying hello and introducing yourself there, not here. After all, you are minding our business, not too much to ask I would think.

      Mishee, shame on you!! Understood what you were saying, just could not fathom why.

      OutOfTopic obviously does not care where he/she/it is an asshole so why bother?

      Apr 25, 2008 at 6:49 pm

       
    • #23.9  OutOfTopic

      Sorry guys my post was pretty obscure… But most of you got it totally right, this is:
      I’m Angrysh, true. It looks like a logical puzzle with no solution. I was trying to be a dick, no offence taken.
      Just to add a little to my initial point, GhostWriter’s comment is really funny but Canthz_B I’m sorry but you really “sound” mean, is it meant to be humorous?
      I don’t want to be an asshole seriously, just saying sometimes it is tiring to read certain comments, you guys used to be funnier before :)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 8:05 pm

       
    • #23.10  Mishee

      Don’t get me wrong, I knew exactly what you were saying, but I am saying that the first first rule of TMHQ was the rule that I already stated, and it is an inside joke with the regulars - so chill out everyone! :D

      Apr 25, 2008 at 8:18 pm

       
    • #23.11  Canthz_B

      Again, why?

      Don’t tire yourself, OOT…no, it was not a joke. I can be mean, don’t like to be, but I know how.
      I’m really a nice guy if you take the time to get to know me. Try reading my blog (just click on my name) ;-)

      Apr 25, 2008 at 8:49 pm

       
    • #23.12  Canthz_B

      As a show of good faith I will answer your question, OOT…No, that rule does not apply here.

      Apr 25, 2008 at 9:17 pm

       
    • #23.13  Bellabeastie

      Ok, I’m kinda new here, so I have absolutely no clue as to what TMHQ is.

      Or why you guys are arguing about it…

      Help?

      Apr 26, 2008 at 9:42 am

       
    • #23.14  RunBarbara

      Bella, I am also new. So I will join you in the dark on TMHQ. Maybe we can make shadow puppets and tell ghost stories.

      Apr 26, 2008 at 11:54 am

       
    • #23.15  Juliet

      The Main Headquarters?

      Too Many Horrible Questions

      The Man-Happy Queue?

      I’m not that new here… TMHQ? WTF?

      Apr 26, 2008 at 1:25 pm

       
    • #23.16  Crash

      LMAO !! 8)

      Apr 26, 2008 at 1:42 pm

       
    • #23.17  known unknown

      lost me at “tmhq”

      …developed an eye twitch at “ironical.”

      Apr 28, 2008 at 7:38 am

       
     
  • #24  Summer

    Engrish 101 for you!

    Apr 25, 2008 at 4:12 pm

     
  • #25  Mishee