i really thought it couldn’t get more egregious than this clip-art catastrophe from a church in boston (left), which made this one (right) look downright tasteful in comparison.
but then, at a friend’s recent wedding, carey in northern virginia spotted this note — complete with that same punchy little yellow smiley — on several doors of the church. (there are more than one, i suppose, so that when you do a double-take and ask yourself “wait…did they really just go there?” you can be rest assured that yes, they really did.)
the kicker? before the service started, “we spotted the priest up near the altar,” carey says — “chatting on his razr.”
meanwhile in guatemala, boingboing’s xeni jardin spotted a sign one might consider either more or less blasphemous depending on whether you’re a follower of christ or of the principles of good design
(translation: “TO TALK WITH GOD/YOU DON’T NEED A CELLPHONE/TURN IT OFF PLEASE”)
and if you’re of a faith that prefers to talk directly to god’s intermediaries, you might prefer the approach of this guatemalan church also documented by xeni:
“Talk to me personally,
I [will] listen to you.
You do not need a cellphone.
Yours truly,
GOD.”
related: stop! in the name of clip art
extra credit: crummy church signs
67 responses so far ↓
#1
zchamu
Well shite. Who have I been spending $0.99 a minute calling then? He totally said he was God. But I did wonder what was going on when he asked what I was wearing.. I mean, shouldn’t God know that?
Apr 28, 2008 at 5:53 pm rating: +16
#2
anglophile
Look, I really appreciate the everlasting salvation deal and all, but would it really kill Him to hook me up with a sweet cellular contract?
Apr 28, 2008 at 5:59 pm rating: +1
#3
Mishee
But who wants to talk to Jesus on the phone anyways? He’s kinda boring, always talking about the same subject, telling me to drink his blood and taste his body… I swear that guy is hitting on me sometimes! And he babbles on for like, ever and runs up my anytime minutes! That’s when I start putting all of his calls through to voicemail.
Apr 28, 2008 at 5:59 pm rating: +2
#4
Mishee
Would Jesus Talk On a Cellphone During Church?
You bet your sweet ass he would! It’s his house!!
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:09 pm rating: +5
#5
Canthz_B
This would not be a problem if Jesus had read the fine print in his two year cell phone contract!
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:15 pm rating: +1
#6
Canthz_B
Do you really want God to show up as a “missed call” on your cell phone?
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:23 pm rating: +10
#7
Canthz_B
But Pastor, don’t you remember the Hymn…“When He calls me, I will answer”?
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:29 pm rating: +6
#8
Quite Contrary
Is the Walmart greeter actually gagging? Again, who thinks this clip art up?
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:30 pm rating: +1
#9
Canthz_B
Damn-it! You’re the one who told me to “Heed His call!” Make up your mind for Heaven’s sake!!
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:32 pm rating: +3
#10
Mishee
There are somethings that CafePress makes you just wonder about…
This is one came up under a google of “jesus cell phone” – apparently he is cradled in Mary’s arms holding a cell phone…
http://www.cafepress.com/virgin_mary.15830478
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:39 pm rating: +1
#11
Canthz_B
Sign #2: DEEP…Jesus uses a phone number!!
Is there a Yellowbook among the books of the Bible, or is He only in the White Pages?
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:39 pm rating: 0
#12
Andrew
Taking the lord’s name in vain much?
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:48 pm rating: 0
#13
se
wow, do people really answer their cell phones in church? Do they change the ring tone to “When the saints go marching in”?
Apr 28, 2008 at 6:56 pm rating: +1
#14
TootsNYC
I’m the organist at my church, and I cracked up a few months ago when the guy who was subbing for our regular pastor had his cell phone go off during communion.
It was set to a loud, lively jazz tune.
Apr 28, 2008 at 7:01 pm rating: 0
#15
Canthz_B
When I go to Church I have people call me at certain times so I can speak in tongues!
The congregants never know whether to stop me or to bless me!
Apr 28, 2008 at 7:04 pm rating: +3
#16
zenvelo
#1 zchamu, don’t you mean “shi`ite”? you can use a cell phone at the mosque, five times a day! just make sure it has a GPS so you know you’re facing Mecca!
Apr 28, 2008 at 7:15 pm rating: 0
#17
Lorrie
The Church: guilting you out of all of life’s fun since The Inquisition. True blasphemy – using the name of the Lord to pursue your own agenda. God probably couldn’t care less about cell phone use in church. The pastor isn’t even paying attention anymore.
Apr 28, 2008 at 8:16 pm rating: +4
#18
Wade
Apr 28, 2008 at 8:29 pm rating: +6
#19
amazon
For some reason, the Lolcat Bible seems appropriate about now.
http://www.lolcatbible.com
“At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz”
Amen.
Apr 28, 2008 at 8:58 pm rating: +2
#20
Lorrie
Yea, though I walk through the Valley of no Signal, I fear no evil, for I have Cingular. Thy bars and clear tone, they comfort me. For thine is the ringtone and the vibrations forever. Amen.
Apr 28, 2008 at 8:59 pm rating: +15
#21
secondsout
Does anyone else like the mullet with peroxide frosting that Jesus is wearing in the 2nd pic? Now, say, is that a typical haircut for a Red Sea pedestrian, or does this Jesus look somehow really European?
Apr 28, 2008 at 9:41 pm rating: 0
#22
secondsout
Anyone else wonder what the priest was chatting about on his Razr?
“…yeah, the altar boys today are fugly. Christ almighty! Get caught once jerking off in the confessional while the nuns are asking for penance, and you get stuck in the worst parishes for the rest of your life. I swear, if it weren’t for all the communion wine, I’d have quit and become a porn film director years ago.”
Apr 28, 2008 at 9:46 pm rating: +1
#23
aaa
What would Jesus do? He would be on his iPhone with Buddha and Moses ‘cuz he knows that going to church totally blows.
Apr 28, 2008 at 10:29 pm rating: 0
#24
aaa
P.S.
Is this not the shit?
http://mcphee.com/items/11537.html
Apr 28, 2008 at 10:29 pm rating: 0
#25
Canthz_B
I’ll accept you as my personal saviour when you pay your half of this cell phone bill, Jesus! And stop the “Gee-sus” crap, I met your sorry ass in Tijuana!!
Apr 28, 2008 at 10:39 pm rating: 0
#26
Canthz_B
Forgive them, Father. They care not what they spew! Besides, you could be a
Hellava, I mean, a Righteous P/A dude yourself, Pops!Apr 28, 2008 at 10:44 pm rating: 0
#27
zombieBlanco
Perhaps the more righteous amongst us should print up a more churchy version of these:
http://www.glarkware.com/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idcategory=5&idproduct=2095
That, or just attack church-attending cell-phone users with our bibles.
Apr 28, 2008 at 11:59 pm rating: 0
#28
TuesdayPillow
Wait.
Jesus died for me.
ME.
Me personally.
So is it just MY cell phone that needs to be silenced?
Apr 29, 2008 at 2:21 am rating: 0
#29
ian in hamburg
Those are brilliant. You know that soon it will be possible to yack-yack-yack-yack on your cellphone from your seat on the plane? Ryanair is rolling it out really soon, others bound to follow. Another reason to hate flying.
Apr 29, 2008 at 2:48 am rating: 0
#30
claw71
With GOD being all powerful and everyhting why don’t we stow the signs and let HIM handle it?
Apr 29, 2008 at 8:31 am rating: 0
#31
RALPHY
Well–since God, in his infinite wisdom, gave us the ability to invent cell phones and preachers, I consider the phone to be an interesting and welcome diversion in church. What better way to spead the “Word”. —just saying
Apr 29, 2008 at 9:26 am rating: 0
#32
GhostWriter
Interesting cultural note: In Guatemala, gigantic beehives, gathered from the Sierra Madre mountains, are converted to places of worship by covering them with a paste similar to Elmer’s glue. Because of the amplification properties of honeycomb structures, cell phones are not permitted inside.
Apr 29, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: 0
#33
Sarah
The Spanish sign would have been so much better if they made it a haiku.
Apr 29, 2008 at 10:46 am rating: 0
#34
GhostWriter
Sanford is a respectful, frequent churchgoer, and can really belt out a Perry Como version of “The Lord’s Prayer”.
He’s still waiting to hear back from his agent, but I fear he missed his calling.
Apr 29, 2008 at 10:50 am rating: 0
#35
claw71
Our father who art in Heaven,
prefers phones on vibrate
And texting done,
from anyone
will not be answered until seven
Do not leave the blue tooth on your head
and no down loading hot asses
Even if Kim Kardashian’s ass is ready for us
And don’t answer that pocket vibration
because it’s rude and evil
For mine is a Razr, on full power and it’s shiny
forver. Amen.
Apr 29, 2008 at 11:08 am rating: +4
#36
Deanna
This reminds me of the appalling, yet amusing, floral arrangement that I’ve seen more than once at funerals here in the south. It has a plastic telephone in the middle and a glitter festooned ribbon that reads (for instance) “Jesus Called. Deanna Answered.”
I’ll be SO disappointed if none of my friends know me well enough to send one to MY funeral!
Apr 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm rating: 0
#37
MJ
Your website made me laugh ’til I cried!!! Love it. I linked you on my blog.
Apr 29, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: 0
#38 He Died For Your Clip Art « Order of Santa Ignora
[...] He Died For Your Clip Art Jump to Comments Y’all need to see this collection of church notices over at Passive Aggressive Notes (dot) Com. [...]
Apr 29, 2008 at 3:41 pm rating: 0
#39
Heidi
What is with the smiliy face frenching the phone like the old Freddy Kreugar movie?? Scary!
Apr 29, 2008 at 4:00 pm rating: 0
#40 Pajiba Love 04/29/08 | Gozelim.info-Celebrity Gossip
[...] If Jesus were around today, I can tell you that he would have fucking hated cellphones. (PA Notes) [...]
Apr 29, 2008 at 4:39 pm rating: 0
#41
Ben
I love how the angry one handed Wal-mart clip art has a circle with a red line through it. Just in case anyone is confused and they think it’s telling them to talk.
Although to me it looks like the clip art is telling people not to swallow their cell phones’ while sweating profusely.
Apr 29, 2008 at 6:22 pm rating: +1
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