oh, she said it.

April 30th, 2008 · 121 comments

ellen in san francisco says this note is but the latest development in what has become a toilet paper-thin relationship with her passive-aggressive roommate. it started two months ago, she says, when her roommate “decided after six months of sharing that i was no longer allowed to use her toilet paper. i should mention that she never once asked me to chip in for toilet paper, and i never really had an opportunity to buy more because she bought it in bulk and we always had a huge supply.”

ellen obliged “until this morning, when nature called and i had just run out.” when ellen got home, this work of art (my favorite line: “now that we’ve settled this”) was waiting for her.

oh yes, she said it.

adds ellen: “funnier still is that this roommate freaked out on another roommate for leaving a note. she yelled at her, ‘if you have a problem with me, talk to me, don’t leave me a note. be an adult about it.’ nice to see she followed her own advice.

related: it always comes down to the toilet paper

Tags: bathroom · money · paper product fairy · san francisco · smiley

121 responses so far ↓

  • #1  Quite Contrary

    Really? It’s settled? I think not.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 9:59 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #2  Quite Contrary

    What needs to be cleaned is the author’s head when it comes out of her ass. I really don’t think that Ellen should have to do that.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:00 pm   rating: +2  

     
  • #3  Quite Contrary

    My version of Ellen’s roommate was Laura. Not only did Laura leave me notes about the condition of the cat box (under the pseudonym of the cat of course), she had very strict rules about what what was communal food (nothing) and what was her food (everything). We also had the same “chat” about what needed to be cleaned upon move out. She expected me to clean, and paint, even though she was the one moving out….with a week’s notice. Would it shock you to hear we no longer keep in touch?

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:06 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #4  The Great Joe Bivins

    This note should be made into a Lifetime original film.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:08 pm   rating: +2  

     
  • #5  anglophile

    It makes me sad to think of the tree that gave its life for the unnecessary second page. A simple font size change could have saved it.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:13 pm   rating: +3  

    • #5.1  Shanoney

      That is exactly what I thought. Sheesh, ya don’t need to yell on paper, save a tree . . . branch.

      Apr 30, 2008 at 10:52 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #5.2  cre8tivewmn

      Me too. She could have used that extra page for…

      Apr 30, 2008 at 11:56 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #5.3  Katzndogz

      The tree is just going to have to understand that it’s sacrifice is necessary so that she can get her point across. If she uses smaller font, she might not be taken as seriously.

      May 1, 2008 at 9:57 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #5.4  Numinous

      Maybe she’s like my dad. He can’t read the smaller fonts on screen, so rather than adjust the zoom level in Word, he changes the font to something insanely huge. It never occurs to him how ridiculous it will be when printed.

      May 2, 2008 at 4:06 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #6  Sheepish

    It feels like she’s talking to someone as she’s writing and inserting the other side of the conversation on her own.
    “Obviously nothing is settled yet bitch, you wrote me a note.
    I’ll read it and then write my own note in reply but mine will have clip art.
    Also, I’ll choose a font size that will allow me to put everything one one page.
    So there.”

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:16 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #7  galileosfinger

    What makes this really passive-aggressive is the smiley at the end. WTF?

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: +2  

     
  • #8  unholyghost2003

    Back in MY college days NO ONE paid for TP. Know how we bought it (when we were not stealing it from the classroom buildings and the dorms)? Bottle returns from hosting parties with the underage. Not only could we keep the change from their booze but they had no way of returning their empties. Sad to think a great roommate relationship was ruined by a lack of parties.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:33 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #9  morpho aurora

    oh my god, what a moronic psycho-bitch. first off, who begrudges someone toilet paper? and second if the writer is that worried about someone else using up her TP, why not just keep it locked away?
    ellen and the other roommate should get together and give ms. smiley face something special on move out day.
    btw, she didn’t say it, she typed it. :D

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:35 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #10  se

    she never asked you to “chip in for the toilet paper”? what, you think toilet paper grows on trees? oh wait, it does…

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:36 pm   rating: +2  

     
  • #11  karin

    why is bulk tp becoming an issue? At most, it’s going to cost you $10/semester if you go A LOT! In my college apt, one roommate bought her plush but non-dusty tp, I bought the name brand paper towels and our third bought a 6 pack per week (2 beers or ciders per week per roommate - not a lot but we all (a) were geeks, 2 science and 1 computer and (b) supplemented with something a bit harder mixed with something fruity).

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:43 pm   rating: 0  

    • #11.1  Canthz_B

      Lemme get this straight. Roommate #1 wiped with plush non-dusty tp, Roommate #2 with name brand paper towels and Roommate #3 scraped her coochie with beer cans or bottles and they all occasionally slept with gay men??

      May 1, 2008 at 1:43 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #11.2  unholyghost2003

      I have never heard gay men called “ciders.” See you in the place with the thing?

      May 1, 2008 at 1:47 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #11.3  Meaghan

      As in hell, with the unitard?
      :D
      (I kid, I kid.)

      May 1, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #11.4  Katzndogz

      plush but non-dusty tp? There is such a thing? Inquiring minds who can’t stand Charmin want to know!

      May 1, 2008 at 10:00 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #11.5  Summer

      me too, me too!

      May 1, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #11.6  karin

      katzndogz - I can’t remember what brand she bought since I didn’t have to buy the TP. I know the year before, we went thru about 6 different brands before we found one she liked. used the remainder of the packs to trade for more beer and fruity drinks!

      May 1, 2008 at 10:48 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #11.7  Mark

      I despise Charmin. Cottonelle is good (ridgy), Quilted Northern is good (quilty). Neither is dusty like Charmin (ARGH!). Also, Costco (Kirkland Signature) is acceptable — slightly less plush, but not scratchy or dusty, and a lot cheaper, though it only comes in like 40-packs.

      May 1, 2008 at 12:21 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #11.8  PJsMom

      Ooh, ooh, ooh! I hate Charmin! Not only does it leave butt crumbs, but it plugs the toilet. And don’t believe the hype about new “Ultra Strong” Charmin… it’s just thicker regular Charmin - with the same level of butt crumbs and toilet pluggy-ness.

      Anyway, I found the perfect toilet paper - Cottonelle! No butt crumbs or dustyness, but still soft, strong and absorbent!!!

      May 1, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #11.9  Resident Grammarian esq

      Cottonelle is the best by far. Even the soft type is still really strong, its tremendous.

      May 1, 2008 at 4:26 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #11.10  amazon

      Cottonelle is the best brand around.

      But for the love of god, whatever you buy, make sure the roll is facing the correct way!

      Unless you own cats, then the “wrong” way is acceptable. Unless you want to come home to this:
      http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/01/the-toilet-papr.html

      May 1, 2008 at 5:55 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #12  Ben

    Yet another note that could be made stronger with the use of the C-word.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 10:58 pm   rating: +1  

    • #12.1  amazon

      what note couldn’t?

      Apr 30, 2008 at 11:11 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.2  Resident Grammarian esq

      Thats true. The use of clip-art WOULD help

      May 1, 2008 at 12:02 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #12.3  Mishee

      My fingers are just itching to find this note and draw a few pink penises on it! I think that would actually make it complete.

      May 1, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #13  amazon

    How does she know her TP has been used? Does she count the sheets left? Leave a little mark where she left off?

    Unless Ellen used a TON, how can psychobitchroommate tell the difference?

    Apr 30, 2008 at 11:10 pm   rating: +1  

    • #13.1  zombieBlanco

      bathroom cam?

      May 1, 2008 at 12:20 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #13.2  RP

      She started a new roll?
      She used up the current roll?

      May 1, 2008 at 12:08 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #14  TuesdayPillow

    The man who eventually marries this woman should see this note prior to their wedding day.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 11:12 pm   rating: +2  

    • #14.1  Quite Contrary

      The sad thing is is that she WILL find someone to marry. I would love to see how her divorce case goes. I don’t think one side saying that something is settled before the other side has a chance to throw a law book at them counts.

      May 1, 2008 at 10:05 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #15  Ross

    Actually I think the note was pretty funny in its own self-absorbed kind of way. And submitter should have at least offered to chip in on the TP supply! That shit gets expensive.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 11:14 pm   rating: +2  

    • #15.1  unholyghost2003

      That shit gets expensive.
      Rimshot!

      Apr 30, 2008 at 11:16 pm   rating: +5  

       
    • #15.2  park rose

      She should have written it on Winsoft toilet paper, then it could have been pretty funny in a self-absorbent kind of way :) *groans*

      Apr 30, 2008 at 11:51 pm   rating: +6  

       
    • #15.3  unholyghost2003

      GROAN!

      See you in the place with the thing miss rose?

      Apr 30, 2008 at 11:55 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #15.4  Canthz_B

      Would self-absorbent TP ultimately implode creating a rift in the space-time continuum?

      May 1, 2008 at 2:22 am   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #16  Melanie

    God, I just do not even miss having roommates.

    If the TP is that big an issue, at least be clever about it and leave a big pickle jar out marked TiP Jar. At least you’d get your point across without being a psycho bitch about it. Or, here’s a thought — be a grownup and use your words.

    And what is all that shit hanging off the towel rack in the background? People! Pick up after yourselves!

    (Clearly I’ve moved from the roommate phase to the mommy phase.)

    Apr 30, 2008 at 11:16 pm   rating: 0  

     
  • #17  Crash

    Ellen : “Oh ! You’re moving, how nice…Can you leave some toilet paper on your way out too…? Thanks” :D

    Apr 30, 2008 at 11:17 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #18  Sarah

    Simple solution for Ellen: don’t use toilet paper. Her roommate will never have to complain again!.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 11:19 pm   rating: 0  

    • #18.1  aaa

      Exactly! This is the point where you start using their washcloth. >:D

      May 1, 2008 at 12:18 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #18.2  zombieBlanco

      Team Next Time Use The Shower

      May 1, 2008 at 12:24 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #18.3  Wade

      Or drive over to Berkeley and steal towels used to wipe btwn legs out of the Slottman dorm laundry room.

      Wait. I guess not. That would be trifling.

      May 1, 2008 at 6:43 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #18.4  Mishee

      Wade, that’s just NASTY!

      May 1, 2008 at 10:56 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #19  Ryan

    I wonder what the note’s author charges guests who use the bathroom for toilet paper? Do they get to take the roll in with them? What if the guest is wasteful with the TP….? Is there an “up-charge” - ?

    I would pay this person back in toilet paper.

    Apr 30, 2008 at 11:26 pm   rating: +1  

     
  • #20  fantasy

    Since they both know she uses toilet paper she

    can’t play her ace in the hole!

    Apr 30, 2008 at 11:42 pm   rating: +2  

    • #20.1  Crash

      Well…We all know who the royal flush is between the two, now don’t we ?
      8)

      Apr 30, 2008 at 11:46 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #20.2  fantasy

      ….Must be kinda bad when they have a “full house”! Who pays then?

      Apr 30, 2008 at 11:57 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #20.3  Crash

      LOL !
      Black Jack does…cause his dueces are wild man…

      May 1, 2008 at 12:00 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #20.4  Resident Grammarian esq

      She clearly isn’t playing with a full deck though

      May 1, 2008 at 12:04 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #20.5  fantasy

      What a Joker! :twisted:

      May 1, 2008 at 12:06 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #20.6  Sarah

      Her roommate needs to get a heart. And stay away from clubs.

      May 1, 2008 at 12:07 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.7  Crash

      Ya’…or she might find a spade up her sleeve.

      May 1, 2008 at 12:22 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.8  zombieBlanco

      Perhaps roommate knows: thecardtoplay

      May 1, 2008 at 12:29 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.9  Crash

      Or !!
      If she’s wearing her pokerface…

      May 1, 2008 at 12:39 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.10  Crash

      She can get her roomate hooked on a little rummy man…then give her the ol’ 52 card pick up.
      :D

      May 1, 2008 at 12:47 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.11  Crash

      I’m on a straight with this man…
      Okay, I’ll stop now…
      :D

      May 1, 2008 at 1:05 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.12  Canthz_B

      Bah. Cards bite.

      The real money is in toilet rolling at craps!

      May 1, 2008 at 2:30 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #20.13  Canthz_B

      Add to the list of those PAN has flipped in their graves:

      Edmund Hoyle. :-)

      May 1, 2008 at 2:48 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #20.14  GhostWriter

      Is it my turn for the toilet? Nah, Yu-Gi-Oh; seriously, you’re the one with the Pokemon.

      May 1, 2008 at 9:13 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #20.15  secondsout

      The card game that gets played in too many bathrooms? WAR!

      I just hope it all happens Solitaire, though. Nobody’s hoping for two of a kind.

      May 1, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #21  Akita

    Wow, wow, Ellen!!!! I got info of this earlier in the day and was just like wtf? Angel(is that her name? haha) needs to grow a life!

    May 1, 2008 at 12:09 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #22  Canthz_B

    Obviously a Foghorn Leghorn fan…“I keep my bathroom tissue sheets numbered for just such an emergency!”
    True artistry indeed, to be OC and PA about TP at the same time!

    May 1, 2008 at 1:26 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #23  LeishBlog

    People like this should be put on a rocket and sent to another universe where they can create their own anally retentive world away from the rest of us.
    I love that she put a smiley face at the end. What a mentalist.

    May 1, 2008 at 1:27 am   rating: 0  

    • #23.1  park rose

      Because the rest of us, including Ellen, are anal expulsive. That’s what kicked this whole ruckus off in the first place :D

      May 1, 2008 at 6:21 am   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #24  paranoiagirl

    Why the hell would she wait six months to finally make her toilet paper “officially” off limits? Ugh, people are crazy.

    May 1, 2008 at 1:38 am   rating: 0  

    • #24.1  Summer

      a simple “hey throw me a few bucks I’m going on a tp run”, and this would have been avoided.

      May 1, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #25  Jinx

    I like how she assumes her roommate will in some way be shocked by this. “Oh yes I said it!” I assume this is just one of the many “joys” of living with her and the roommate is no way shocked. I love how she ended with a smiley face. Just shows how stable she seems to be.

    May 1, 2008 at 1:49 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #26  Jinx

    I also secretly hope this get taken to a tv court. Just because I’d like to see what a person who wrote this looks like.

    May 1, 2008 at 1:51 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #27  Nerdyradiogirl

    Ellen should point out how much toilet paper could have been made in exchange for this ranty letter! Also when she moves out, she should take all the T.P. with her.

    May 1, 2008 at 2:17 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #28  Nerdyradiogirl