Ellen in San Francisco says this note is but the latest development in what has become a toilet paper-thin relationship with her passive-aggressive roommate. It started two months ago, she says, when her roommate “decided after six months of sharing that I was no longer allowed to use her toilet paper. I should mention that she never once asked me to chip in for toilet paper, and I never really had an opportunity to buy more because she bought it in bulk and we always had a huge supply.”
Ellen obliged “until this morning, when nature called and I had just run out.” When Ellen got home, this work of art (my favorite line: “now that we’ve settled this”) was waiting for her.
Adds Ellen: “Funnier still is that this roommate freaked out on another roommate for leaving a note. She yelled at her, ‘If you have a problem with me, talk to me, don’t leave me a note. Be an adult about it!’ Nice to see she followed her own advice.”
related: it always comes down to the toilet paper
129 responses so far ↓
#1
Quite Contrary
Really? It’s settled? I think not.
Apr 30, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: 1
#2
Quite Contrary
What needs to be cleaned is the author’s head when it comes out of her ass. I really don’t think that Ellen should have to do that.
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:00 pm rating: 6
#3
Quite Contrary
My version of Ellen’s roommate was Laura. Not only did Laura leave me notes about the condition of the cat box (under the pseudonym of the cat of course), she had very strict rules about what what was communal food (nothing) and what was her food (everything). We also had the same “chat” about what needed to be cleaned upon move out. She expected me to clean, and paint, even though she was the one moving out….with a week’s notice. Would it shock you to hear we no longer keep in touch?
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:06 pm rating: 3
#4
The Great Joe Bivins
This note should be made into a Lifetime original film.
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:08 pm rating: 7
#5
anglophile
It makes me sad to think of the tree that gave its life for the unnecessary second page. A simple font size change could have saved it.
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:13 pm rating: 17
#6
Sheepish
It feels like she’s talking to someone as she’s writing and inserting the other side of the conversation on her own.
“Obviously nothing is settled yet bitch, you wrote me a note.
I’ll read it and then write my own note in reply but mine will have clip art.
Also, I’ll choose a font size that will allow me to put everything one one page.
So there.”
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:16 pm rating: 10
#7
galileosfinger
What makes this really passive-aggressive is the smiley at the end. WTF?
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:27 pm rating: 17
#8
unholyghost2003
Back in MY college days NO ONE paid for TP. Know how we bought it (when we were not stealing it from the classroom buildings and the dorms)? Bottle returns from hosting parties with the underage. Not only could we keep the change from their booze but they had no way of returning their empties. Sad to think a great roommate relationship was ruined by a lack of parties.
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:33 pm rating: 8
#9
morpho aurora
oh my god, what a moronic psycho-bitch. first off, who begrudges someone toilet paper? and second if the writer is that worried about someone else using up her TP, why not just keep it locked away?
ellen and the other roommate should get together and give ms. smiley face something special on move out day.
btw, she didn’t say it, she typed it.
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: 2
#10
se
she never asked you to “chip in for the toilet paper”? what, you think toilet paper grows on trees? oh wait, it does…
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:36 pm rating: 5
#11
karin
why is bulk tp becoming an issue? At most, it’s going to cost you $10/semester if you go A LOT! In my college apt, one roommate bought her plush but non-dusty tp, I bought the name brand paper towels and our third bought a 6 pack per week (2 beers or ciders per week per roommate – not a lot but we all (a) were geeks, 2 science and 1 computer and (b) supplemented with something a bit harder mixed with something fruity).
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:43 pm rating: 0
#12
Ben
Yet another note that could be made stronger with the use of the C-word.
Apr 30, 2008 at 10:58 pm rating: 1
#13
amazon
How does she know her TP has been used? Does she count the sheets left? Leave a little mark where she left off?
Unless Ellen used a TON, how can psychobitchroommate tell the difference?
Apr 30, 2008 at 11:10 pm rating: 1
#14
TuesdayPillow
The man who eventually marries this woman should see this note prior to their wedding day.
Apr 30, 2008 at 11:12 pm rating: 4
#15
Ross
Actually I think the note was pretty funny in its own self-absorbed kind of way. And submitter should have at least offered to chip in on the TP supply! That shit gets expensive.
Apr 30, 2008 at 11:14 pm rating: 4
#16
Melanie
God, I just do not even miss having roommates.
If the TP is that big an issue, at least be clever about it and leave a big pickle jar out marked TiP Jar. At least you’d get your point across without being a psycho bitch about it. Or, here’s a thought — be a grownup and use your words.
And what is all that shit hanging off the towel rack in the background? People! Pick up after yourselves!
(Clearly I’ve moved from the roommate phase to the mommy phase.)
Apr 30, 2008 at 11:16 pm rating: 0
#17
Crash
Ellen : “Oh ! You’re moving, how nice…Can you leave some toilet paper on your way out too…? Thanks”
Apr 30, 2008 at 11:17 pm rating: 1
#18
Sarah
Simple solution for Ellen: don’t use toilet paper. Her roommate will never have to complain again!.
Apr 30, 2008 at 11:19 pm rating: 0
#19
Ryan
I wonder what the note’s author charges guests who use the bathroom for toilet paper? Do they get to take the roll in with them? What if the guest is wasteful with the TP….? Is there an “up-charge” – ?
I would pay this person back in toilet paper.
Apr 30, 2008 at 11:26 pm rating: 1
#20
fantasy
Since they both know she uses toilet paper she
can’t play her ace in the hole!
Apr 30, 2008 at 11:42 pm rating: 2
#21
Akita
Wow, wow, Ellen!!!! I got info of this earlier in the day and was just like wtf? Angel(is that her name? haha) needs to grow a life!
May 1, 2008 at 12:09 am rating: 1
#22
Canthz_B
Obviously a Foghorn Leghorn fan…“I keep my bathroom tissue sheets numbered for just such an emergency!”
True artistry indeed, to be OC and PA about TP at the same time!
May 1, 2008 at 1:26 am rating: 2
#23
LeishBlog
People like this should be put on a rocket and sent to another universe where they can create their own anally retentive world away from the rest of us.
I love that she put a smiley face at the end. What a mentalist.
May 1, 2008 at 1:27 am rating: 0
#24
paranoiagirl
Why the hell would she wait six months to finally make her toilet paper “officially” off limits? Ugh, people are crazy.
May 1, 2008 at 1:38 am rating: 0
#25
Jinx
I like how she assumes her roommate will in some way be shocked by this. “Oh yes I said it!” I assume this is just one of the many “joys” of living with her and the roommate is no way shocked. I love how she ended with a smiley face. Just shows how stable she seems to be.
May 1, 2008 at 1:49 am rating: 1
#26
Jinx
I also secretly hope this get taken to a tv court. Just because I’d like to see what a person who wrote this looks like.
May 1, 2008 at 1:51 am rating: 2
#27
Nerdyradiogirl
Ellen should point out how much toilet paper could have been made in exchange for this ranty letter! Also when she moves out, she should take all the T.P. with her.
May 1, 2008 at 2:17 am rating: 0
#28
Nerdyradiogirl
Did anyone else think of Seinfeld? “No I can’t. I just can’t spare a square.”
May 1, 2008 at 2:20 am rating: 6
#29
Canthz_B
The Toilet Paper Card?
Even given Quilted Charmin I think I would stick with the Race Card.
May 1, 2008 at 3:19 am rating: 0
#30
Cobriel
I must admit, I’ve left a note not entirely dissimilar to this (although mine was actually written on the toilet paper, slighty less aggressive and the smiley was bigger). We never shared to start with, and I kept my paper in the bathroom for my convenience, while my housemates kept theirs in their room – I assume so that no one else would use theirs, god forbid.
So I slightly empathise with the note-leaver. But only slightly.
May 1, 2008 at 3:55 am rating: 1
#31
Nicole
It would be funny if Ellen responded to this note on her roomie’s toilet paper. That’s a pretty clever and effective way of saying “Bitch, please”.
I share a toilet with 4 other girls and we have no toilet paper issues. It gets restocked every Friday and we make it last the whole week. Go us.
May 1, 2008 at 4:11 am rating: 5
#32
Lorrie
Ellen must have grown up with a TP Fairy – illuminated in yellow, with chestnut hair – who eliminated the cost of TP.
Roommate is overreacting, but Ellen should have OFFERED to pay for TP that she uses if her roommate always buys it. I think the average, considerate human being would have.
May 1, 2008 at 6:51 am rating: 5
#33
Izzy
When I was living on my own, a 12 pack of loo roll lasted over three months. Now I have a roomie, it still seems to be lasting 3 months. But we share. It’s just toilet paper! It’s not like you have to re-use it!
May 1, 2008 at 6:53 am rating: 0
#34
Lorrie
Best response: wipe ass with note, put it back up. Act like you have no idea.
May 1, 2008 at 7:02 am rating: 7
#35
Nina
Love the stream of consciousness! And the general psychosis of it all.
May 1, 2008 at 7:23 am rating: 0
#36
muddgirl
We used to go down to the academic bathrooms and steal TP. Yeah, they were locked up, but you could just roll em up off the rolls with a pencil or a cardboard tube.
*Ahem*, I mean, the end of the semester is not the time to ask for compensation. Keep the shit in your room if it’s not communal.
May 1, 2008 at 7:52 am rating: 0
#37
zchamu
You’re a douchebag and we both know you are, so you can’t play any card like that.
May 1, 2008 at 9:04 am rating: 1
#38
xenon
This is why I live alone…
May 1, 2008 at 9:12 am rating: 1
#39
Sheepish
• I’m having flashbacks to my own roommate days.
I remember one girl moved in who had only ever lived at her parents’ house before then.
I remember she was confused and shocked at how often toilet paper needed to be purchased as her dearest mommy would take care of it.
I’m guessing her mom was very stealth about when she swapped out the rolls or purchased a new package.
May 1, 2008 at 9:14 am rating: 1
#40
GhostWriter
Yes, the “You Use My Toilet Paper” card is strong stuff, but once Ellen lays down her Black Lotus, it’s all over.
May 1, 2008 at 9:35 am rating: 3
#41
Voca Popula
“Why, no, I am not going to pay for the toilet paper I have used this year and fall semester, because I don’t keep detailed records of the number of squares I use. Consider this settled, then.”
May 1, 2008 at 9:40 am rating: 0
#42
hoopla
Team Take a Dump on Her Rug!
I swear I lived with this same idiot in college.
May 1, 2008 at 10:36 am rating: 0
#43
claw71
I’d respond with a note of my own written on her precious toilet paper.
May 1, 2008 at 10:38 am rating: 1
#44
Brian
As others have noted, love the smilie face at the end.
Anyway, one fond college memory, as we too used to scavenge TP from various campus buildings. Then one day my roomie hit up the library. Upon leaving he set off the detector. They had put one of those strips on the inside of the roll. Overkill on their part, sure, but man was it hilarious to watch him start pulling TP out of his backpack with the scowling librarian standing over him.
May 1, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: 2
#45
RP
In the name of all that is not made out of suck and fail, HOW and WHY would people living together end up buying separate packs of toilet paper?
Please tell me there’s a rare, life-threatening allergy or other medical malady involved.
May 1, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: 0
#46
Neil
The room mate using the toilet paper should have offered to chip in for the bulk toilet paper.
Also the person posting the note refers to “we always had a huge supply”…actually the huge supply was the room mates, not theirs.
The person posting this notes sounds very discourteous…..and should realise as a room mate you have to pay your part.
May 1, 2008 at 12:16 pm rating: 4
#47
pistola
I had a roommate once that let me keep buying all the commonly used stuff like dish soap, t.p., etc. and after a couple months I got tired of it so one day when he got home from school when he least expected it…. I asked him to buy it for the next month or so. Later that night we went to a bar and saw a band, and that was that. Some people (especially college kids newly on there own) just don’t give the little things any thought, it doesn’t make them bad people, they just need a little reminder. Just goes to show you that if you don’t confront problems when they arise they only get worse.
p.s.
move out soon, this chick is one drink out of the milk carton away from sliting your throat.
May 1, 2008 at 12:50 pm rating: 0
#48
TL
Ellen should smear a melted chocolate bar all over that note and tape it back up.
May 1, 2008 at 1:32 pm rating: 1
#49
kendra
I had a really odd roommate situation once… he was riddled with PA, but sadly never dished it out in note form… he’d walk right past me as i sat on the couch, and then walk out to the porch (in my direct vision) and call me to discuss any issues he might have had.
Anyways, he always bought TP in bulk at Costco. However, we had two bathrooms, so I just bought the TP for mine and he used his for himself. I’m curious as to whether Ellen and her roomie had 2 BR or one… cuz, to me, that’s a bit different… taking rolls out of someone else’s supply for your own BR is a little worse than just using what’s already on the roll… especially considering that there are so many other things in the world to worry about that it seems as though thinking about TP usage is kinda ridiculous. I guess I’m just saying that I can totally understand it being an oversight, but something that could have easily been remedied by the other roommate saying, “hey, can you get the TP this time?” instead of waiting 6 months until she was insanely pissed over such a small issue.
May 1, 2008 at 2:17 pm rating: 0
#50
secondsout
Here’s another idea. You leave out a roll of the sort of really uncomfortable, cheap TP that you find in the abrasive section of the hardware store. Keep your own good stuff hidden. For an added bonus, put tabasco sauce in a spray bottle, and spray the TP down. Feeling even more devilish? Grind up poison ivy and spray that on the TP instead.
May 1, 2008 at 2:47 pm rating: 1
#51
GhostWriter
“Well, Massa- itlooks like am fixin’ to leave the plantation tidday, Sah.”
Yess, Elly, it would appear so… and lemme just tell you how grateful I am for your 25 years of service.”
“Thank yee, Sah”
“Now, fust- we gonna make sure all your debts are paid, an’ then, well- off ya go!”
“Yassir!”
“Lessee, you done paid your room and board fees, your uniform fees, your health fees, your plantation fees, uhh, …what about those toilet paper fees, Elly?”
“Toilet paper fees, Sah??”
“Toilet paper fees, Elly! We both know you use it, so don’t be playing that there race card on me. I’m not here to wipe your dirty black butt, now am I?”
“No sah…”
“After I get back today, we’ll have us a conversation about your so-called “movin’ out” and see what needs to be settled, right?”
“Yessah… …Sah?”
“Yes, Elly?”
“I won’t be movin’ out anytime soon, will ah?”
“No Elly, you will not.”
May 1, 2008 at 3:15 pm rating: 1
#52
claw71
Bitch, you better slow your roll.
May 1, 2008 at 3:40 pm rating: 0
#53
Heidi
Soooooo, does she get to keep her tp on the roll? a bathroon is just not set up for multiple rolls. So confusing. Hey, she can write her name on each sheet!
May 1, 2008 at 4:07 pm rating: 0
#54
secondsout
“I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt.”
This is a wonderful sentence. This belongs up there with “fuckin’ delicious,” “rocket pubes,” and wiping between the legs.
May 1, 2008 at 5:04 pm rating: 0
#55
ShizzStirrer
When I lived off campus – I too had a roommate. Items began disappearing from my room – deodorant, nail files, my porn. Roomie disavowed all knowledge as to their location.
That is until I came home early and I found him nuking a hot pocket while wearing my best WonderBra.
Me: So I’ll be moving out at the end of the month then.
Him: Ok – are you sure?
Me: You can keep the bra.
Him: Uh, ok.
Punch line? He was straight and didn’t have to stuff a DDcup.
He’s the first and last roommate I ever had.
May 1, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: 1
#56
KiKi
The smiley face at the end was a little creepy, but added a nice touch. Really drove the point home.
May 1, 2008 at 10:48 pm rating: 0
#57
NoPunIntended
To pee or not to TP?
That is the question.
May 2, 2008 at 8:57 am rating: 1
#58
poochie
Maybe I’m a little extreme, but I would have taken all the toilet roll left and set fire to it out front.
Then made sure I was standing there with the can of gas when she came back so I could claim I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about.
May 2, 2008 at 2:32 pm rating: 1
#59
Joe
I like the “Oh yes I said it” part. Way to tell her.
May 5, 2008 at 5:46 pm rating: 0
#60
PlanetPerfecto
Girls actually have to poop?
This is a travesty.
You ladies should fund medical research that will rectify this deplorable situation.
Excrement is *very* unfeminine.
May 23, 2008 at 9:03 am rating: 0
#61
daphne
A good way to deal with buying household goods in a room mate situation is to use the color system. Each room mate gets a color, and when something runs out, the color of the empty article tells you who bought last. The other person has to buy next.
On the occasion that your room mate is a douchebag, you hoard your stuff and smile.
Jun 15, 2008 at 12:53 am rating: 0
#62
sarah
um, i don’t know if anyone mentioned this already, but a good roommate would have OFFERED to chip in for toilet paper after a few weeks. something tells me ellen’s not the most considerate person to live with either.
Aug 26, 2008 at 4:53 pm rating: 2
#63
h!
Ellen, buy your own fucking toilet paper. Privileged college asswipe. Pun, meh.
Oct 14, 2008 at 5:23 am rating: 3
#64 The Toilet Paper Wars | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt. [...]
Jul 12, 2010 at 10:12 pm rating: 0
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