Our anonymous submitter lives in what she says is a typical college apartment, one that is “not decorated according to any theme.” And yet, in a transformation a college freshman taking Lit 101 might describe as “Kafkaesque,” one of her roommates has been replaced by your [fill-in-your-own-ethnic-stereotype-here] grandmother.
Adds our submitter: “These weird towels wouldn’t dry two fingers, much less two hands, so we don’t use them anyway! (Maybe if they weren’t so ugly…)”
related: Text me at work if you want to talk!!
142 responses so far ↓
#1
Jinx
Well, the next time I’m decorating something, I’ll keep towels in mind.
Seriously, though, those are some ugly towels and they’re the color of shit.
May 7, 2008 at 9:45 pm rating: 13
#2
anglophile
No, no, no, Marissa’s Roommate. You are wrong. The entire point of a decorative hand towel is to designate it for use in drying your hands. Miss Manners says so.
May 7, 2008 at 9:52 pm rating: 15
#3
Cady
OK, I don’t get the point of decorative hand towels. I mean, what is the fucking point? It’s just shit in your house with no purpose. And it really has no place in a college apartment. You’re supposed to be scraping by on Ramen noodles and beer, ladies!
May 7, 2008 at 9:55 pm rating: 11
#4
Canthz_B
The hand-writing screams “I’m special!”
May 7, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: 2
#5
goose
The submitter is lying when she says they haven’t used the towels.
Clearly someone has used the top one to wipe their arse.
May 7, 2008 at 10:00 pm rating: 2
#6
Wade
Any supposed style points scored by placing decorative towels in the bathroom are instantly negated by the US magazine article on Ashlee Simpson’s life changing makeover.
May 7, 2008 at 10:00 pm rating: 22
#7
Nerdyradiogirl
Well at least she has an option if her room mate does not want her to use all of her toilet paper!
May 7, 2008 at 10:04 pm rating: 4
#8
secondsout
You know what else makes great decoration? A stupid PAN! Seriously, it’s like hanging a “Don’t Touch” sign around the Statue of David’s neck.
May 7, 2008 at 10:10 pm rating: 19
#9
secondsout
Every college dorm has someone like this. I had two friends who were total opposites but stuck as roommates. One guy was trying to watch cartoon network at 2 in the morning, and the other guy was trying to change the channel to check the stock market returns in Japan. Seriously, it’s 2 in the fucking morning. Live a little! And fuck off with your Nikkei-checking Twerpy self.
May 7, 2008 at 10:15 pm rating: 1
#10
secondsout
If they want to decorate, maybe they should start by trying to hide the ugly cracks on the wall where the building is falling apart.
May 7, 2008 at 10:19 pm rating: 1
#11
RunBarbara
Ashlee Simpson says:
You thought nothing was as ugly as my nose job? Check out these hand towels!
May 7, 2008 at 10:58 pm rating: 4
#12
Love Jesus
I’d smear feces all over them. That’s just how I roll!
May 7, 2008 at 11:11 pm rating: 3
#13
Zorin
I have a neighbor with the clear plastic covers on ALL her furniture. It makes the furniture uncomfortable as hell to sit in, and it looks like utter SHITE on top of that.
What’s the point in covering things to “keep them looking nice” if they look like ASS the entire time they’re covered? And you never uncover them?
As for the towels… If they ARE supposed to be decorative, the big ugly *sign* sort of ruins the effect…
May 7, 2008 at 11:17 pm rating: 8
#14
Ben
I wonder why Marissa was singled out?
Is it because Marissa wipes her grimy paws on anything she can get her mitts on or did the person catch Marissa defacing the towels with her slightly damp hands after using the facilities?
May 8, 2008 at 1:55 am rating: 1
#15
annonymous
that is personalized stationary….an appropriate touch i’d say
May 8, 2008 at 2:00 am rating: 1
#16
Set To Evil
If I’m in someones house and I have the common decency to wash my hands, I will use the towels provided, decorative or not! And the same goes for those little soaps in the shape of seashells or cherubs or some such tacky crap!
I bet her toilet has a furry cover on it too.
May 8, 2008 at 3:47 am rating: 6
#17
Super Tash
Fab, Iv’e been wondering what my home needs to add a ‘touch of class’ – decorative hand towels might just do it. I might also buy ornamental food and display it in the kitchen with a PAN note on it to make sure no one eats it.
May 8, 2008 at 6:22 am rating: 1
#18
shirky
this is one instance where escalating PANs would be appropriate. This food is meant to be decoration food…please don’t eat! This couch is decoration couch…please don’t sit! This dog is decoration dog…please don’t feed!
May 8, 2008 at 6:41 am rating: 8
#19
Brian
What’s with everyone ending their “I’m being a bitch/dick notes” with a smiley face. Like that makes it all good.
May 8, 2008 at 6:47 am rating: 2
#20
claw71
Decorative
They are either decorations or they are decorative towels. I hate when trailer park bimbettes try to sound classy.
I’m surprised that these are tacky 1970s-era ornamental towels rather than something out of the NASCAR bin at WAL*MART.
May 8, 2008 at 8:34 am rating: 4
#21
GhostWriter
My Mom will place notes on pies around Christmas that say, “Don’t Eat”. When I ask why, she tells me she’s saving them for guests.
I live about a thousand miles from my Mom.
She will also stick a note on a freshly cleaned toilet that says “broken” so it will be spotless for imaginary visitors.
May 8, 2008 at 9:08 am rating: 7
#22
se
I have to disagree wit ya’all.
there’s nothing worse that starting to dry your hands on a decoration towel and coming across a huge fresh gob of snot.
May 8, 2008 at 9:20 am rating: 0
#23
Sheepish
Why did the note leaver put Marissa’s last name on the note? How many Marissa’s live in this place? Is it like middle naming someone… maybe she didn’t know her middle name.
May 8, 2008 at 9:32 am rating: 0
#24
Quite Contrary
If Marissa was really good, she wouldn’t have to write a note. Really, to be a true decorating (if that’s what you want to call it) control freak, all it takes is one good look to let the offending party know they’ve offended.
May 8, 2008 at 10:10 am rating: 0
#25
Decorative Candy
@23.2: My grandmother had those candies! Except they weren’t candy… They were wax. Unflavored wax.
May 8, 2008 at 10:19 am rating: 0
#26
Katzndogz
I hope someone dries their hands with the PAN and puts it back on top of the decorative towel.
May 8, 2008 at 10:20 am rating: 9
#27
Quite Contrary
Can I just say those are some of the ugliest towels I have ever seen?
May 8, 2008 at 10:39 am rating: 0
#28
secondsout
I suppose if Marissa doesn’t want anyone to use her decorative towels, she could pre-emptively wipe btwn her legs with them.
May 8, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: 1
#29
toocoolforschool
WickedLady. You are annoying. And probably on the wrong website. Or at least the wrong PAN.
May 8, 2008 at 12:37 pm rating: 0
#30
Mishee
Marissa should just try to do what I do with Mr. Mishee – I threatened him with certain torture and a slow death if he uses my decorative towels (or my nice mixing bowl to fill the car with water – I could’ve KILLED him dead right then!)…
It seems to have worked as I currently have a fine layer of dust covering my beautiful towels that nobody but me sees.
May 8, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: 2
#31
Quite Contrary
Of course! I have multiple sets of measuring spoons so I can measure out tablespoons of various ingredients without having to wash and dry said tablespoon in between measuring. I put each individual ingredient in a small glass bowl. I have sets of different sized bowls to account for various ingredients (it’s the Barefoot Contessa in me).
Did I mention I live alone? And that I clear the microwave timer when I’m done with it?
May 8, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: 3
#32
Agent Inspired
…Who the hell has “decorative” towels? I thought design was supposed to be functional as well as… well the towels are hideous, so why have them serve a valid purpose?
Ugh.
May 8, 2008 at 11:52 pm rating: 1
#33
fallopian
Decorative functionality: the rack is portable for passing around at anal-probe parties.
May 10, 2008 at 12:20 am rating: 2
#34
Canthz_B
At least now we know who keeps the Home Shopping Network on the air selling class and style to the lower-middle class.
May 10, 2008 at 6:57 pm rating: 0
#35
merey
Well, shit. I read that at ‘devotional’ towels at first…not quite as funny now.
May 21, 2008 at 1:25 am rating: 0
#36
Olivia
That note was actually very nice. Although I know this website broadens the definition of “passive-aggressive” to “anything remotely angry” (which isn’t a bad thing; it would be hard to find material otherwise) I really don’t see any ill will coming out of Note Writer.
On a side note, ugh. I hate towels like those; we have some in my mother’s house. Why make towels that aren’t absorbent? Are the towels mocking us?
Jun 17, 2008 at 9:24 pm rating: 1
#37
Stephanie
I had a crazy roommate go nuts about decorative towels too. My boyfriend was taking a shower and used one of the “decorative towels” to dry himself off (since they were the only towels in the bathroom) and she went all crazy on him. She was a passive aggressive bitch.
Jun 29, 2008 at 12:30 pm rating: 0
#38
fluffy8u
Well the sign makes a loverly addition to the decorative towels. Who is your interior designer?! I must have her number!
Mar 22, 2009 at 12:57 am rating: 0
#39
Michele in CA
Doesn’t putting a note on the towels preclude them from being an item of decoration?
Apr 12, 2009 at 9:10 pm rating: 0
#40
patricia
I hate people who write their “R’s” and it looks like “Vs”.
Aug 27, 2009 at 3:18 am rating: 0
#41
JetJackson
Are those custom printed post-it notes? If they are then this one hell of a pre-meditated pan.
Sep 20, 2009 at 9:37 pm rating: 0
#42
Renagade676
How decorative are they with a note attached? Unless Martha Stewart all of a sudden started using notes, I’d say they weren’t doing their job.
Oct 5, 2009 at 7:58 am rating: 0
#43
esther
damn those towels are UGLY!!! why the **** would u want those ugly ass pieces of shit to be “decorative” when they’re just eyesores? someone has very bad taste.. and what is the point in “decorative towels?”the point in towels are to dry yourself with, not SIT THERE AND GATHER DUST like a useless piece of shit. geez someone’s an anal bitch about their their ugly ass “decorative” towel.
Oct 25, 2009 at 1:31 am rating: 0
Comments are Closed