the more you know

May 15th, 2008 · 173 comments

this public service announcement is brought to us by tully’s coffee, courtesy of megan in seattle.

the more you know

related: “if it wasn’t for the toilet, there’d be no books”

Tags: "customer service" · bathroom · drugs · highlighter · p.s. · seattle · spelling and grammar police · stars

173 responses so far ↓

  • #1  zchamu

    Holy crap. This is the first time ever a note has left me utterly speechless. The nuances of the passive aggressiveness…the multifaceted points of the note (”I’ll shit in your coffee if you shit on the floor… go shoot up elsewhere, slimebag”) This is truly a PA work of art.

    May 15, 2008 at 9:10 am   rating: +5  

    • #1.1  pry

      wow…by reading the first sentence, i thought the note was going in a completely different direction…

      May 15, 2008 at 9:25 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #1.2  amazon

      Yeah… I think they threatened more than they intended to threaten. Unless they wanted us to think they’d put feces in our coffee. At least then they’d be more like Starbucks.

      May 15, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #2  NoPunIntended

    That coffee is fucking delicious!!!

    May 15, 2008 at 9:12 am   rating: +1  

    • #2.1  Sundance

      Those drugs were fucking delicious as well!!!

      May 15, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #2.2  Mishee

      Sundance, see #27

      May 15, 2008 at 1:44 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #2.3  Sundance

      Yes, I saw when I got down there. It was only a few minutes before me, but it took me a little while to read down. Sorry.

      May 17, 2008 at 6:19 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #3  Mishee

    Dammit! Now where the hell am I gonna go to do my drugs?

    (This one just had to be about coffee!!

    I hope the barista doesn’t want to know who won the game, cause they fuck with my coffee they will find out that the Celtics were handed their asses on the court.

    May 15, 2008 at 9:12 am   rating: +4  

    • #3.1  pistola

      shouldn’t be a problem, the sonics suck.

      May 15, 2008 at 11:46 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #4  amy d

    Point of Interest:

    The barista who cleans this restroom does not wash her hands and her mood is determined by your willingness to share your drugs.

    Thank you :)

    May 15, 2008 at 9:16 am   rating: +21  

     
  • #5  Quite Contrary

    Highlighters…check
    “Thanks!”…check
    Thinly veiled threat…check
    Separate and almost worse post script…check
    Stars or clip art…check
    Virtually impossible to remove…check

    Yup. It’s a passive aggressive note and, let me tell you ppl, they mean it!

    May 15, 2008 at 9:18 am   rating: +23  

     
  • #6  Quite Contrary

    This note also confirms my theory that, in order to be a barista (especially in Seattle), you must have a chip, no a rock, on your shoulder.

    May 15, 2008 at 9:19 am   rating: +5  

    • #6.1  Mishee

      I believe they actually hand residents of Seattle a chip when they enter city limits…

      Being angry is a prereq for living up there…

      May 15, 2008 at 9:27 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #6.2  claw71

      Most cities have welcome signs, Seattle just glares at you when you arrive.

      What I want to know is how long do you live there before the EMO squad sneaks into your house and pierces your nose?

      May 15, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: +11  

       
    • #6.3  Quite Contrary

      EMO?

      May 15, 2008 at 10:32 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #6.4  RunBarbara

      *is on the emo squad*
      .
      .
      *pushes bangs into eyes and judges you all*

      May 15, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: +11  

       
    • #6.5  Epiphany

      boulders. definitely boulders.

      May 16, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #7  unholyghost2003

    Why can’t I do drugs in here? The barista does!

    May 15, 2008 at 9:26 am   rating: +7  

    • #7.1  pistola

      Being a barista must be hard. Listening to taking back sunday while you sip coffee as black as your soul must be such a drag; and I thought hanging sheetrock was tough

      May 15, 2008 at 12:10 pm   rating: +8  

       
    • #7.2  unholyghost2003

      Slinging coffee until my hands were black and bleeding.
      Back as is my need, bleeding as is my heart.

      May 15, 2008 at 1:17 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #7.3  secondsout

      A guy I know worked at a guitar store, and this lame-o goth girl we knew walked in.

      LGG: “I’m looking for a bass guitar that’s black.”
      Guitar dude: “ok”
      LGG: “Black as my SOUL”
      Guitar dude: “umm, well just how black is your soul? Is it this black, or just this black?”

      May 15, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: +7  

       
    • #7.4  RunBarbara

      nothing is as un-goth as mismatching blacks. get some RIT dye and some fucking self respect.

      May 15, 2008 at 1:27 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #7.5  claw71

      I know what you mean about mismatched blacks but that’s what made Fresh Prince of Bel Air so funny. Carlton was such a dweeb and Will was cool. Funny stuff. Black people be funny.

      May 15, 2008 at 1:56 pm   rating: +14  

       
    • #7.6  Canthz_B

      ROTFL…But only if Jews write the dialogue. They’re really good at that. They know about ghettos! LOL

      May 15, 2008 at 2:18 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #7.7  unholyghost2003

      Hmm? My Heeb sense is tingling. Is someone in need of witty repartee?

      May 15, 2008 at 2:29 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #7.8  karin

      my aunt worked in textiles until retiring a couple months ago and never buys black. Apparently, if something goes wrong with a dye batch or a fabric doesn’t sell, the manufacturer just dyes that fabric black and sells it. Hence, the mismatched blacks…

      May 15, 2008 at 11:39 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #8  Toomuchfreetime

    What kind of shitty-ass establishment posts a notice admitting that the quality of their product fluctuates with an employee’s mood? And who wants it pointed out that the same person who cleans shit and piss also makes the drinks?
    They just may as well include the E. Coli Cappuccino on the menu and forget about it.

    May 15, 2008 at 9:49 am   rating: +18  

     
  • #9  claw71

    I think it’s great that a guy can mop up urine and scrub splattered feces from the rim of the commode and still have enough self-esteem to call himself a barista.

    Being the pessimist I am, being assigned to latrine duty would drive home the fact that I’m just a loser who works in a coffee shop.

    May 15, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: +17  

    • #9.1  fdas0pufasd

      You’re a dick.

      May 15, 2008 at 10:20 am   rating: +8  

       
    • #9.2  Mishee

      From what I heard he has quite an impressive one…

      May 15, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #9.3  claw71

      Hey look, everybody! Our grad student’s back and as you can see by his post that education is really paying off. Bravo…if you were registered I’d plus you. I’d plus you hard.

      May 15, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: +11  

       
    • #9.4  Quite Contrary

      fdas0pufasd: if you step away now, no one will get hurt.

      May 15, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #9.5  GhostWriter

      Hold on. I’d like to hear what Fdasopuf has to say. He may actually be a barista, or know one personally. His/her/their viewpoint should be heard!

      May 15, 2008 at 10:39 am   rating: +5  

       
    • #9.6  unholyghost2003

      I am CERTAIN fdas0pufasd is or knows a barista. fdas0pufasd is a put upon, bitter grad-student at Binghamton University. Isn’t being over educated and angry also a pre-req for being a barista?

      May 15, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #9.7  Mishee

      claw, re 9.3: yes, the education MUST be paying off, he did use the correct form of “You’re” when calling you a dick!

      May 15, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: +8  

       
    • #9.8  RunBarbara

      fdas0pufasd is actually Latin for “everything hits too close to home”.

      May 15, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #9.9  aaa

      Naw man, he’s just anal retentive, as in somebody broke their dick off in his anus and he retained it. He just wishes it was claw’s dick. (I’m sure I would, too.)

      May 15, 2008 at 10:50 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #9.10  Mishee

      Me three

      (but probably not in my ass)

      May 15, 2008 at 10:54 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.11  RunBarbara

      im sure there is enough for both of us, mishee, claw being the lengthy lad that he is.

      May 15, 2008 at 10:57 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.12  Mishee

      well, RB, you know how possessive I am over certain things, but if I am willing to let you use “ugh” then I guess I could share claw with you…

      Let’s go to the costume store and get our Wilma and Betty outfits! :D Which one do you wanna be?

      May 15, 2008 at 10:59 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.13  RunBarbara

      Wilma.
      I already have red hair and Im sure Claw has a pearl necklace I can borrow.

      *keeps straight face*

      May 15, 2008 at 11:01 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #9.14  unholyghost2003

      Huh? I’m being used? Why that is my favorite way to be!

      May 15, 2008 at 11:01 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.15  aaa

      I’m not sure you’d get a choice of where claw’s dick would end up, Mishee. We’d all be lucky to have any of his dick at all in whatever orifice we could get it in.

      May 15, 2008 at 11:01 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.16  Mishee

      RB - I swear you are gonna get me fired!

      That’s fine about Wilma, cause Betty is the one he wants to sit on his face anyways! :evil:

      May 15, 2008 at 11:15 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.17  RunBarbara

      Sit on his face all you want, it shuts him up. I’m not in it for the conversation.

      May 15, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #9.18  Canthz_B

      What happens there stays there!

      May 15, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.19  Brian

      Claw, clearly you pissed off fdas0pufasd, so you know what that means … don’t drink your coffee.

      May 15, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: +4  

       
     
  • #10  Elizabeth

    If you can’t control yourself, don’t fucking work in the food service industry, and don’t threaten customers with threats of unsanitary drinks. People like this are white trash pieces of shit.

    May 15, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: +2  

    • #10.1  aaa

      Now what if this barista was black? I don’t think they’d appreciate you calling them white trash.

      P.S. Are you the one who broke the dick off in fdas0pufasd’s anus?

      May 15, 2008 at 10:53 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #10.2  RunBarbara

      There are no black baristas, no matter what the Work Place Tolerance poster tells you.

      May 15, 2008 at 11:02 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #10.3  aaa

      I know, that was just some wishful thinking. *sigh*

      May 15, 2008 at 11:10 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #10.4  RunBarbara

      Wait…if you don’t threaten them with threats, then what can you threaten them with?

      May 15, 2008 at 11:29 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #10.5  Mishee

      sunshine and farts?

      May 15, 2008 at 11:44 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #10.6  Canthz_B

      Sorry, we don’t do toilets anymore for less than $11/hr. and hot pockets. ;-)

      May 15, 2008 at 11:55 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #10.7  Quite Contrary

      RunBarbara: oh yes there are. Starbucks on Lincoln Blvd in Santa Monica, California. Mans the drive through window in the am. And he is the epitome of a laid back barista (no sarcasm intended). I heart him, even though I don’t know his name.

      May 15, 2008 at 12:53 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #10.8  Mishee

      QC - just make sure you don’t marry a toothless waitress….

      sorry, pitiful Alan Jackson joke… I will retreat again now.

      May 15, 2008 at 12:56 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #10.9  Quite Contrary

      I’ve learned so very much from you Mishee. I’m never quite sure how to thank you.

      May 15, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #10.10  Mishee

      Funny, alot of people have been telling me that lately…

      May 15, 2008 at 2:24 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #11  GhostWriter

    Normally, I like to take a family snapshot at a “Point of Interest”. I crowded my kids into the stall, broke out my camera, and was immediately arrested under suspicion of child pornography. The cops had been staking out the site for dopers.

    Typical Wednesday.

    May 15, 2008 at 10:09 am   rating: +17  

     
  • #12  Quite Contrary

    Between pink t-shirts and drugs, doesn’t anyone use a bathroom to shit anymore??

    May 15, 2008 at 10:22 am   rating: +2  

    • #12.1  Mishee

      That’s what the showers are for silly!

      May 15, 2008 at 10:24 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #12.2  RunBarbara

      The showers are for sex, Mishee. The elevator is for shitting.

      May 15, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #12.3  Mishee

      Well, personally I have used elevators for both!
      lol

      And don’t forget to clean up after shooting any pornos!

      May 15, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #12.4  RunBarbara

      “You can only imagine what happens next…”
      “He fixes the cable?”
      “Don’t be fatuous, Jeffery.”

      May 15, 2008 at 10:49 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #12.5  KittyKat

      Is that what the decorative spooge towels are for?

      May 15, 2008 at 10:50 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #12.6  karla

      No, you’re all wrong. Fitting Rooms are for shitting. Haven’t you been paying attention?

      May 15, 2008 at 12:31 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #12.7  Mishee

      Wait… that sign said “Fitting Rooms”??

      Oh silly me, I thought it said “Shitting Rooms”!

      yea yea yea, I know… groan!

      May 15, 2008 at 12:42 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #13  morpho aurora

    unless the barista is checking the bathroom after every customer, she’s not going to have any idea which one trashed the bathroom. and if the trashers have already gotten their coffee, she’s not going to be able to take it out on them. she’s probably just going to cut loose on random customers.
    so the only thing this sign says is “i’m a bitch and everyone is going to suffer because i have to do my job.” i don’t think i’d buy anything at this place, i don’t want my coffee ruined because the barista’s mother told her to clean her room.

    May 15, 2008 at 10:25 am   rating: +9  

    • #13.1  unholyghost2003

      Because of the universal effect of coffee on the colon odds are that the person who sprayed the bowl HAS already had their coffee.

      May 15, 2008 at 10:29 am   rating: +8  

       
     
  • #14  GhostWriter

    ‘”Venkman, come quickly! I’ve discovered the secret method of brewery electrokinetics!”

    “What’s that?”

    “Watch as I place an electronic scullcap on our student subject, while he watches an episode of “America’s next Top Model”.

    “…so?”

    “Now, taste this coffee.”

    “Mmm, sultry, smooth- almost like a shot of Disaronno has been added…”

    “Yes! Quite tasty, but watch now as I force our subject to view “Oprah” instead…”

    “Wow, those PkE needles are jumping!”

    “…and taste the coffee.”

    “Yuck- it’s turned into a soapy, sour mush!’

    “Exactly- his mood determines the quality of your coffee!”

    “I’m going to take back some of the things I said about you, Egon.”

    May 15, 2008 at 10:32 am   rating: +17  

     
  • #15  Ana

    Christ on a bike - this has to win PA note of the Year so far. UBER-GROSS.

    Who is the manager who would let this stay up? An 18 yr old slacker who thinks this is funny?
    One more reason to avoid Seattle and its denizens.

    May 15, 2008 at 10:36 am   rating: +1  

    • #15.1  GhostWriter

      The manager posted the sign, simply as a warning to customers. Everybody knows that Seattle baristas really run their cafes, their ‘hoods, even the whole town. Heck, their mood determines the Seahawks win/loss record!

      May 15, 2008 at 10:42 am   rating: +6  

       
    • #15.2  aaa

      Well, as we all know, there is only one type of person who works at a coffee shop. Because all coffee shop employees are the “cultured” “I like being different and reading Kerouac and wearing these crappy plastic-framed glasses” types (Yes, they are all exactly like this), of course the manager will allow this to stay. Hell, I bet the manager wrote it. It’s “ironic.” Somehow…

      May 15, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #15.3  unholyghost2003

      Lord knows Holmgren has nothing to do with it! DIE traitor DIE!

      May 15, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #15.4  RunBarbara