Our anonymous submitter spotted these notes in the shared kitchen of a “professional building” — one our submitter says is full of shrinks. Perhaps one of them could deduce whether “i.e. me” fits the DSM’s criteria for a diagnosis…or whether she’s just having a little trouble with her Latin.
related: eau dear
extra credit: “food odors at work” [chowhound.com]
111 responses so far ↓
#1
César
nope, that’s not egomanical at all : )
May 19, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: 3
#2
RunBarbara
If you are ethnic, you can’t be professional. Boiled hot dogs and white bread for everyone!
May 19, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: 32
#3
claw71
The smell of ethnic food cooking doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the smell of ethnic food digesting.
May 19, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: 20
#4
jfruh
Ha ha, everyone knows that “ethnic” and “professional” don’t mix. If your clients smell curry and/or salsa, they will immediately assume that they have wandered into some kind of bazaar run by illegal immigrants rather than a upstanding office building. Please, only non-odiferous WASP food, like baloney-and-mayo sandwiches, or delicious, nourishing unflavored gruel, from here on in.
Josh
Update: Argh, beaten to the punch by the much pithier RunBarbara!
May 19, 2008 at 4:52 pm rating: 17
#5
KittyKat
All I will say is . . .
Indian Hospital Cafeteria Food
Use your imagination.
May 19, 2008 at 4:56 pm rating: 0
#6
Quite Contrary
Condescending and hypocritical. Yet no pink penises (or is it peni?) or clip art.
Who here thinks a woman wrote it? And why?
May 19, 2008 at 5:24 pm rating: 1
#7
secondsout
Me, I like ethnic food. So I like the smell of an ethnic food fair. It beats the smell of a co-worker’s cheapshit cologne anyday.
May 19, 2008 at 5:27 pm rating: 12
#8
amazon
I’m starting to think that office kitchens should be hermetically sealed with a double air lock to prevent noxious odors from escaping. Then we can cook all the fish and ethnic food we want, woo hoo!
If we include a retinal scan at the entrance, we may even reduce some of that lunch theft. Maybe instead of one large fridge, we can get a bunch of individual mini-fridges with fingerprint ID. Then you can be as anal-retentive about the appearance of your fridge as you wish.
World peace would surely follow.
May 19, 2008 at 5:28 pm rating: 24
#9
Sarah
Think of me,
all my dear colleagues
when you make your food.
Remember me,
didn’t I tell you
smelling it ain’t good?
When you find
that once again you long
to cook your pungent ethnic meals,
if you value your employment,
spare a thought for me.
I told you this place is professional,
and, you know, I am guilty too,
but if you don’t want to be fired,
stop and think of me.
May 19, 2008 at 5:29 pm rating: 5
#10
secondsout
“In the meantime, please tell all the ‘ethnic’ people who might be coming to the office, that there is a freight elevator by the loading dock. We have an image to maintain.
Love, [black smudge]“
May 19, 2008 at 5:30 pm rating: 22
#11
Zsa
Anyone else notice that “I’m guilty too” is just different enough…
Personality #2 is totally the guilty one and had to pop in with a comment.
May 19, 2008 at 5:57 pm rating: 2
#12
Brat
That intolerance was fucking delicious.
May 19, 2008 at 6:04 pm rating: 3
#13
Cricket
what the f, asshole note writer?
P.S. EVERY food is “ethnic”, you dumbfuck.
May 19, 2008 at 6:09 pm rating: 7
#14
NoPunIntended
Dear colleagues,
Since we are no longer able to cook our “ethnic foods” I stole your whitebread sandwich. It was fucking delicious. I am not sorry, and you don’t get the smiley either.
Thanks,
Former “ethnic food” eater
May 19, 2008 at 7:29 pm rating: 7
#15
zenvelo
no ethnic food, just microwave popcorn and microwave tuna casserole- THAT smells professional!
May 19, 2008 at 7:55 pm rating: 3
#16
Crash
So limburger chesse is professional !!
May 19, 2008 at 8:09 pm rating: 0
#17
Agent Inspired
I actually think that “i.e.” is the correct Latin and that the “think of others” is semi-sarcastic.
“I actually just mean for you to think of me, but I’m trying to sound as politically correct as possible, so if you call me on it I’ll pretend I just screwed up the Latin.”
May 19, 2008 at 10:11 pm rating: 3
#18
raiseyourglass
Your mother does not cook here. So until she does lay the hell off my lunch!
May 19, 2008 at 10:47 pm rating: 0
#19
TuesdayPillow
What the hell is the point of this note? Please don’t eat anything that has an odor? What’s next – please don’t say anything that produces noise?
May 20, 2008 at 12:04 am rating: 9
#20
Canthz_B
Is Top Ramen ethnic smelling or is it just a starch and chemical-scented food-like substance?
May 20, 2008 at 5:04 am rating: 3
#21
Canthz_B
Could everyone please only heat up my Mom’s tuna-noodle-casserole in our professional building? It reminds me of my childhood and makes my practice of proctology so much more bearable. Dad said it was a shitty choice, but who listens!
May 20, 2008 at 5:11 am rating: 6
#22
Canthz_B
Ethnic food = Soylent Green made of Third-Word people.
May 20, 2008 at 5:38 am rating: 8
#23
MJaz
My solution was to bring one of those teeny spray cans of air freshener from Bath & Body works. Interestingly, more people bitched about the cucumber-melon (which WAS kind of nasty, ergo the reason I took it to work), than the ethnic food aroma.
The can is small enough that no one knew who the culprit was, and I perfected the “innocent look”.
Funny thing is, I got the idea from a pothead neighbor who used those sprays to cover up when she would light up in the ladies room. They work!
May 20, 2008 at 8:19 am rating: 1
#24
Sheepish
Team Safety Orange Post It!
May 20, 2008 at 10:16 am rating: 2
#25
Garcy
Things I learned here today:
New expression I intend to torture my friends and family with:
“Whatever curries your goat.”
And note to self: Continue never working at an office. When I’m in my jammies at three in the afternoon diddling around on the Internets, nobody gives a flying *&#$ if I microwave me up some ethnic foods.
The cats beg for some, but that’s about it. Depends on how ethnic the food is, though. There are some foods so ethnic even my tubbo cats won’t eat them. SNOBS.
May 20, 2008 at 10:54 am rating: 3
#26
GhostWriter
The notewriter’s problems stem from her hubris. “Please think of me when you bring food into the building.”
Sounds a little too much like, “Take and eat, do this in remembrance of me,” for my liking.
May 20, 2008 at 11:47 am rating: 8
#27
GhostWriter
Keeping with the ecumenical theme…
Sister Gloria was worn out. She had labored in the gardens from sun-up to Noon. The lot of them were covered with sweat, dirt and straw.
“Quickly, sisters!” implored Mother Angelica. “We must get back to the convent, and into clean garments.” Angelica constantly worried that the Monsignor might see the sisters with black smudges on their clothes, and disapprove.
Sister Gloria wondered why it was so important to return to the convent, when each sister already had a change of clothes with them in the cart. …one of the odd rules Mother Angelica enforced. Gloria hadn’t eaten since last evening, and she was well aware of a villager’s market just around the corner. Whenever nuns wandered through the market, they were offered gifts of fine fruits and vegetables, even cuts of chicken and beef. Gloria couldn’t recall the last time they served beef at the convent.
Sister Gloria turned to the stern Mother, and hesitatingly spoke. “I think I speak for all the Sisters, Mother, when I ask, Please- lets change our habits around food here?
May 20, 2008 at 12:18 pm rating: 10
#28
JohnnyB
Agent Inspired”
“I actually think that “i.e.” is the correct Latin and that the “think of others” is semi-sarcastic.” I believe the writer was thinking of himself (or herself, but intended to put “e.g.” The “i.e.” was a Fruedian slip.
May 20, 2008 at 1:59 pm rating: 4
#29
bando
We’re not allowed to have a microwave at my office for this very reason. Yet – the bossman smokes in his office all day. Go figure!
May 20, 2008 at 2:14 pm rating: 1
#30
aaa
If I saw this, I would eat nachos (Americanized version, meaning the plastic-cheese kind you get at sports events) at least twice a day every day and camp out in the bathroom closest to this tool’s office.
May 20, 2008 at 2:46 pm rating: 0
#31
aaa
P.S.
I think the Food Nazi definitely means “i.e.” and not “e.g.” It’s obvious they only give a shit about themselves, so why would they use themselves only as an example? That would imply that there were others bothered and surely the Food Nazi is too self-absorbed to give thought to anyone else.
May 20, 2008 at 3:01 pm rating: 4
#32
erik
the i.e. is correct, but the writer doesn’t know the difference anyway, so it doesn’t matter.
May 20, 2008 at 6:03 pm rating: 0
#33
summer
people are so fucking weird about food smells. I am one of those white people who eat food from trader joes with no trans fat, but believe you me when i crack open anything in my office there is one woman who bugs out about the smell. EATING IS HEALTHY!!! She doesn’t eat a thing all day so maybe she’s just jealous. TEAM EAT ANYFUCKINGTHINGYOU WANT at WORK!!
May 20, 2008 at 9:52 pm rating: 7
#34
summer
ooohh this note hit a nerve in me, i’ll take you up on that group therapy!!!
May 20, 2008 at 9:56 pm rating: 0
#35
aaa
I bet that the person who wrote the note was this chick. She doesn’t have enough money to fix her awful boob job since she spent all her cash on getting the implants and is thusly relegated to eating Wonderbread and off-brand macaroni and is jealous of all the delicious ethnic food she can’t afford to eat.
May 20, 2008 at 11:23 pm rating: 0
#36
tom
There’s nothing wrong with the writer of that first note that a few punches to the throat couldn’t straighten out.
May 23, 2008 at 9:39 pm rating: 0
#37
Kristi
The use of the word “around” in such a shrinky way (“let’s change our habits around food…”) adds the perfect finishing P-A touch to this hilarious note.
Club Roasted Goat with Anchovies!
Jun 1, 2008 at 10:19 am rating: 1
#38
cricket
wait, no ethnic food?
I guess this means I can’t eat your brains with fava beans and a nice chianti?
Jun 1, 2008 at 1:09 pm rating: 0
#39
cabezon
well, thank god it wasn’t fish sticks
Jun 1, 2008 at 8:27 pm rating: 2
#40
jenn
um WT F does this crack pot poorly used grammar fiend think he-she is doing? I say this person is a persona non grata oh and a big fuck you to the “ethnic foods” ill eat my chicken tikka masala whenever and wherever i want, thats including your stupid office!
Jun 4, 2008 at 3:50 am rating: 0
#41
Olivia
I have to side with Pissed-Off Shrink #1. I can just imagine the smells that waft into her/his office.
Jun 9, 2008 at 3:25 am rating: 0
#42
Kate
I once had a boss that banned us from making popcorn in the microwave during work hours. He said it reminded him of a skeezy movie theater. It sort of made me wonder what sort of theaters he was frequenting…
I do hate it when people in my office heat up fish in the microwave. Luckily, microwaves are banned on our floor anyway, but there is always that wonderful person who heats up their food on another floor and brings it back to ours. There’s nothing like the pungent tang of day-old halibut to awaken your senses in the middle of the day.
Jul 9, 2008 at 4:25 pm rating: 0
#43 fight or flight | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes
[...] perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy? digg_skin = ‘compact’; reddit! stumble it! function fbs_click() { [...]
Jul 28, 2008 at 10:31 pm rating: 0
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