The word “newsflash,” like the phrase “no offense,” is an early indicator that what follows is probably going to be something pretty bitchy. Unless, of course, you’re watching TV news, in which case the word “newsflash” more likely heralds the announcement of a hard-hitting segment about the household product in your kitchen that could be killing your children. Either way: proceed with caution.
Exhibit a) from roommate to roommate, Chicago
Exhibit b) from mother to daughter, Irving, Texas
Exhibit c) the pointed use of song lyrics in a Facebook status update
Exhibit d) stating the obvious
related: No offense! (just kidding) No worries! (just kidding)
62 responses so far ↓
#1
cre8tivewmn
Newsflash: the word ‘newsflash’ is more aggressive than the phrase ‘no offense.’ Newsflash doesn’t care if it offends because the news is the truth!
Nice use of all caps in the last few notes.
May 25, 2008 at 2:17 pm rating: 90
#2
zombieBlanco
shocking newsflash: your hastily written passive-aggressive note can get you on the internets, where you will be ruthlessly mocked and, if you are lucky, your catchphrase will live in perpetuity.
May 25, 2008 at 2:27 pm rating: 90
#3
Cat Skyfire
Here’s a bit of passive-aggressive notemaking: Thanks for tossing in a political point of view, rather than a passive-aggressive note at the end.
May 25, 2008 at 2:31 pm rating: 90
#4
megskathy
thanks for drinking a bottle i never got to…tey???
can i get a translation, please?
May 25, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: 90
#5
zombieBlanco
Those dear, dear bags could not handle the weight, unlike secondsout’s favorite bag .
May 25, 2008 at 2:43 pm rating: 90
#6
Lurker
I think that Mom’s got plenty of whine left.
May 25, 2008 at 2:46 pm rating: 90
#7
Sarah
There is no Ice Fairy? Then what am I supposed to do with the fire bombs I just spent all my gold on? The FAQ told me it’d be at the end of this dungeon!
May 25, 2008 at 3:01 pm rating: 90
#8
morpho aurora
newsflash: trash DOES take itself out – haven’t you ever seen ladies’ night in a redneck bar?
May 25, 2008 at 3:18 pm rating: 90
#9
kchick
that wine was fucking delicious!
May 25, 2008 at 3:37 pm rating: 90
#10
Total Douche
The bags, wine and ice, ALL of them were fucking delicious!
May 25, 2008 at 3:40 pm rating: 90
#11
secondsout
Aww, man, I was hoping that Newsflash meant that Barbara Walters was getting nekkid. Or maybe that fox Candy Crowley on CNN.
May 25, 2008 at 3:44 pm rating: 90
#12
secondsout
The random word “green” at the top of the first note is perplexing. I wonder if she’s used to communicating in HTML and forgot the /green at the end.
May 25, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: 90
#13
NoPunIntended
I’m a little perplexed… if the ice doesn’t refill itself, and the trash doesn’t take itself out, and the dishes don’t wash themselves… then how the fuck does shit get done around here?
May 25, 2008 at 4:07 pm rating: 90
#14
lfroland
If Jessi can afford to buy a green white-board marker, why can’t she buy the “kitchen (black) type” garbage bags herself? WTF?
For that matter, why isn’t she doing the dishes herself? Is she lazy?
Team Do It/Buy It Yourself Lazy Bitch
As an aside, I thought it said “those dear bags” instead of “those clear bags.” Team I Yearn for Plastic
May 25, 2008 at 4:29 pm rating: 90
#15
jfruh
I like the interrobang (!?) after “GROSS” in note #1. It seems to imply that just maybe not taking the garbage isn’t gross! There’s only one to find out…
May 25, 2008 at 5:10 pm rating: 90
#16
Resident Grammarian esq
I love how she added the paper towels to the end of the note. As in, “and I told you to pick up paper towels you douche”
May 25, 2008 at 6:42 pm rating: 90
#17
TuesdayPillow
I’m gonna join Team I Yearn for Plastic and combine with Team I Yearn for My Wine, bitch.
Hey, you raised her! See what a crappy job you did?
May 25, 2008 at 7:26 pm rating: 90
#18
pixie
Passive-aggressive AND mildly alcoholic, real class.
May 25, 2008 at 7:41 pm rating: 90
#19
Quite Contrary
Yes, I agree. Bush is one of the worst national disasters to hit the United States. I am surprised, however, that has been categorized as a news flash.
May 25, 2008 at 8:37 pm rating: 90
#20
bellabeastie
Preternatural Disasters. The worst kind.
May 25, 2008 at 11:14 pm rating: 90
#21
cricket
NewsFlash! if you ever leave me a note like this, I will punch you in the face.
May 26, 2008 at 3:37 am rating: 90
#22
Charlotte
Luckily for me, I don’t steal my mom’s wine. I steal her beer. Once again I am saved from the throes of passive-aggressiveness! Well, the receiving end, anyway.
I’m confused about the “100 degree weather” comment on the Ice Fairy note. Do you mean it’s one-hundred degrees inside the actual building? If so, then it might be time to invest in some air-conditioning, dude.
May 26, 2008 at 4:07 am rating: 90
#23
appleheart
NEWSFLASH! cab-u-lous 2005 North Coast Cabernet Sauvignon is worth exactly $10.
May 26, 2008 at 4:21 am rating: 90
#24
jabbadabbaduu
So, Jessi wants Green to use clear plastic bags for the bathroom garbage. GROSS?! Who wants to see what’s getting thrown away in the bathroom?
Also, she says she can “fill you in or give me money (…)” How very british of you, Jessi. And by the way, I’m glad “tey” is not me mom.
May 26, 2008 at 6:20 am rating: 90
#25
coolhand
newsflash: if the bottle says “cab-u-lous” at the top, you can probably afford another one…
May 26, 2008 at 9:02 am rating: 90
#26
marcopuffin
Newsflash, mother: your daughter is probably drowning the sorrows of her alco-upbringing – it’s cheaper than therapy, so shut up.
May 26, 2008 at 4:35 pm rating: 90
#27
fantasy
…..will you please take out the garbage, fill the ice trays and do the dishes?
…..not right now, I am watching a Newsflash and having a glass of wine.
Maybe later after it gets cooler in here!
May 26, 2008 at 9:13 pm rating: 90
#28
RALPHY
About the wine mom, I’m going to give it back as soon as I strain it thru my kidneys.
May 26, 2008 at 10:42 pm rating: 90
#29
zenvelo
wow! talk about PA! I can’t comment on the next post!
May 27, 2008 at 12:23 am rating: 90
#30
claw71
I’m not a big fan of the “newsflash” preface device. It’s like a much less creative and humorous version of David Spade’s snark from SNL. 1993 called….it wants its wit back
I would be on TEAM MOM regarding the wine issue except for the fact that I have no respect for parents who resort to PAN Post-its. Obviously, I’m not the only one with a limited supply of reverence for these sorry bags of meat.
Kick that mooching whore out and change the locks.
May 27, 2008 at 9:44 am rating: 90
#31
GhostWriter
Back in 1985, Mom caught me sneaking out the back door with a bottle of Manischewitz. For the next 23 years, she has continually insisted that she won’t “buy my wine”, even though she drinks the majority of it.
It’s gotten to the point where, if I try to split a bottle with my wife, and Mom finds out, she’s pissed that she didn’t get to “try” it with us.
May 27, 2008 at 10:15 am rating: 90
#32
GhostWriter
To Be Fair…
…the last pic is more of a News Lash.
May 27, 2008 at 10:21 am rating: 90
#33
Jessi
Aw, sorry to ruin the fun and give the backstory here. This was last summer, subletting an apartment with a couple of people I did not know at all, much less SAW. No idea where the “green” at the top came from, but I didn’t write it. The marker was there when we moved in, as was the white board. The problem here was there were two very very smelly, very very bug-attractive bags of trash just sitting by the door. For a week.
And yes, I’m that poor that buying all of the household products for the entire summer was a bit of a burden, especially when roomie #1 told me (in a rare encounter) that she did not know WHERE to buy paper towels or garbage bags.
The dishes note is not mine.
May 31, 2008 at 4:20 pm rating: 90
#34
deathsentence
RUSS!!!
STOP TROLLING!!!
ASSWIPE!!!!
Jun 7, 2008 at 3:19 am rating: 90
#35
Russ
Sorry. I was having a blast reading all of these. Didn’t mean to come off that way.
Great blog.
Jun 7, 2008 at 3:33 am rating: 90
#36
Russ
I’m bookmarking this site. It’s a great idea for a blog, and I’ll lessen my number of comments.
Keep up the good work.
(Talk about passive aggressive exchanges huh?)
Jun 7, 2008 at 3:44 am rating: 90
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