maybe “no teenagers” would have been simpler

June 2nd, 2008 · 136 comments

our anonymous submitter spotted this signage at a homemade water park somewhere near cherry point, south carolina.

pool rules

pool rules

related: and pull up your pants

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FILED UNDER: crazypants · sex sex sex · south carolina · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks" · you know who you are

136 responses so far ↓

  • #1  Bryant

    FIRST mua hahahahaha

    Jun 2, 2008 at 7:33 am   rating: 0  

    • #1.1  Mishee

      Good to know the pre-teens are waking up early these days.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 10:26 am   rating: +20  

       
     
  • #2  Cai

    your kids learn it all from tv anyway

    Jun 2, 2008 at 7:33 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #3  MJaz

    5. NO FUN

    Bubba the Bouncer will expell you on your filthy ass!

    Jun 2, 2008 at 7:35 am   rating: +1  

    • #3.1  vndlfan

      Permently!

      Jun 2, 2008 at 11:21 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #3.2  Bellabeastie

      Actually vndlfan, I believe it’s “Permantly”.

      Just sayin’… :)

      Jun 2, 2008 at 2:51 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #3.3  HojoMojo

      “GASP!”
      You said “ass”.
      That clearly goes against rule #1 of the C.O.D.
      No pool for you.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #3.4  Ashley Paige

      Permanently. Seriously guys. Get a dictionary.

      Jun 4, 2008 at 10:10 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #3.5  Mishee

      or they can just log on to http://www.m-w.com

      Duh.

      Jun 4, 2008 at 10:29 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #4  alapickles

    Be told.

    Jun 2, 2008 at 7:37 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #5  jabbadabbaduu

    I would worry more about those little, innocent kids risking permanent damage from all those “quotation marks”! If they’re exposed to this at such an early age, who knows when they’ll start using…

    Jun 2, 2008 at 7:40 am   rating: +25  

     
  • #6  john

    there’s a lot going on with these signs! someone took a lot of time to make the official ones with perfectly spaced letters, etc. but there’s real beauty in the hand-scrawled sign below it. maybe it was after that sign was posted that the original sign was amended to include the no drug reference…

    and if you can’t go to the community pool for sex play, where can you go?!

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:00 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #7  Mishee

    Well, after seeing the bottom sign, I am glad to know that Anthony Grosso is NOT dead from Rene Hall’s smoking, and that he is alive in well in South Carolina.

    *sigh*

    (Spider on crack writing… it’s just beautiful!)

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:21 am   rating: +7  

    • #7.1  claw71

      I’m much more disturbed by the use of orange Simplex nails to attach the sign. This is clearly the work of one of those contractors who incorporates a Jesus fish in his business logo. Creepy.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 8:31 am   rating: +9  

       
    • #7.2  southern girl

      My sentiments exactly Mishee. When I just SAW it, without even reading it, I thought, “Wow, that handwritten note REEKS of Anthony Grosso!”

      Now if only we could locate Terry and/or Rene.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:21 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #7.3  Shane

      @claw71 - What’s Jesus got to do with it? I’m pretty sure a majority of Muhammad’s followers disapprove of this type of behavior as well.

      Jun 5, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #8  Mishee

    I love how the bottom sign on the right tells you if you don’t plan to obey just leave, “before you are ejected rudely” - at least they don’t want to be rude!

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:23 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #9  claw71

    Sex Play.

    What is “Hair”?

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:28 am   rating: +8  

    • #9.1  Mishee

      Hey now claw, Hair was about the Vietnam War, Draft Dodging, the 60s counterculture, and friendship! (oh, and drugs)

      Jun 2, 2008 at 8:30 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #9.2  claw71

      We also would have accepted Caligula.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 8:34 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #9.3  GhostWriter

      GhostWriter wagered $5700 on, “What is ‘Equus’“?

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #9.4  cre8tivewmn

      Don’t forget “Oh, Calcutta!”

      Jun 2, 2008 at 12:48 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #9.5  Canthz_B

      So, sex play with a horse is definitely out, right?
      Are donkeys and mules fair game?
      Getty-up there, mule!!!

      Hey, check out that ass!!! :twisted:

      Jun 2, 2008 at 8:51 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #10  Mishee

    #3 on the sign got cut off, it actually says “No Alcohol or Drugs outside - Take that shit to the coffee house bathroom!

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:31 am   rating: +3  

    • #10.1  jayne.

      that made me laugh because as soon as i read it, i just knew someone was going to make the reference.
      you all remember everything. it’s rather impressive.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #10.2  Mishee

      well thank you jayne, you know, when you spend more of the day on here than with your loved ones (or actually getting work done!) you tend to remember a thing or two…

      I’m no Steel Trap like Wade, but I do okay!

      *walks away humming a Beck song*

      Jun 2, 2008 at 10:51 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #11  Gez

    Those teenage teasers make me cuss.

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:33 am   rating: 0  

    • #11.1  claw71

      Yeah, and if you’re worried about Sex play, wouldn’t you want the teasers to stick around.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 8:38 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #11.2  RunBarbara

      Tasers? Oh, damn. You said teasers. I got all aflutter.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #12  claw71

    Since so much work went into this sign I have to assume they have addressed all the pertinent issues… so feel free to relieve your bowels and bladders in the water as you see fit.

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:37 am   rating: +12  

    • #12.1  Mishee

      claw, I am two steps ahead of you. Already done.

      *sigh of relief*

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:08 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #12.2  amazon

      *taps Mishee on the shoulder, and points to a different sign*

      http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1231/1092030106_361f6e106f.jpg?v=0

      Jun 2, 2008 at 11:20 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #12.3  Mishee

      Claw, maybe the “Not Responsible for Accidents” is referencing using the pool as a toilet then…?

      Jun 2, 2008 at 1:40 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #13  claw71

    And by the way, ladies. claw71 does not engage in any sex play. For me it’s strictly business. Dirty, sweaty, stinky business.

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:39 am   rating: +15  

    • #13.1  RandyinReno

      Momma, what’s sex play?

      Jun 2, 2008 at 12:17 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #13.2  GhostWriter

      “A sex plays its own gender-specific games. Females play Barbies, and males play Hot Wheels.”

      “I want a Barbie too, Momma!”

      ((smackkk!))

      “Here’s your Hot Wheel.”

      Jun 2, 2008 at 12:26 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #13.3  claw71

      Do you suppose it’s just a coincidence that those Hot Wheels are perfectly sized to fit up the ass of your average 7 year-old boy?

      Jun 2, 2008 at 12:32 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #13.4  RunBarbara

      Barbie legs are great for bustin’ a hymen. Also not a coincidence.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 12:40 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #13.5  secondsout

      I don’t know about 7 yo boys, but God Damn, was that funny when the guy did it on the Jackass movie. Oop, I cussed. I might be “permanently “expelled.”

      Jun 2, 2008 at 1:26 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #14  lieberhaeschen

    first of all, i worked for a Jesus contractor and it was the best job i ever had. second, is it just me, or have there been a lot of “unnecessary” quotes lately?
    Love,
    Lauren

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:53 am   rating: +1  

    • #14.1  claw71

      The problem with religious employers is they don’t believe in providing benefits like health insurance or vacation time. God will heal you and heaven is all the vacation a true Christian needs.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:10 am   rating: +11  

       
    • #14.2  secondsout

      A Jesus contractor? Umm, yes, I need a Jesus. We have a possessed young boy here who needs the devil cast out. Please send a Jesus over. Oh, and a Mary Magdalene. We have a bachelor party later.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 1:28 pm   rating: +11  

       
     
  • #15  Mishee

    I love “filthy and illegal acts” - sure beats “Clean and Legal Acts”…

    Jun 2, 2008 at 9:04 am   rating: +1  

    • #15.1  claw71

      Mishee, how many times have I told you?

      The Dirty Sanchez is perfectly legal. So’s that Cleveland Steamer you love so much.

      And would it kill you to give Mr. Mishee a blumpkin when he’s doing his “paperwork”.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:08 am   rating: +4  

       
    • #15.2  Mishee

      Damn you google and your thorough search results!

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:11 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #15.3  Lorelie

      Damn you work computer with the net nanny!

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #15.4  RunBarbara

      I really have been craving some sex play with a total lack of respect. I guess its time to haul my cookies to South Carolina.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #15.5  Mishee

      or just up here to my bathroom…

      Jun 2, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #15.6  RunBarbara

      We cant use the bathroom Mishee, I fear it will be a big job.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 10:49 am   rating: +8  

       
     
  • #16  RALPHY

    The hand written sign is totally by an impotent life guard that’s too ugly to attract a “partner” and can’t stand the thought that any one else can. IMHO

    Jun 2, 2008 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  

    • #16.1  Mishee

      So RALPHY, did you write the second note yourself, or did your mother help you with that?

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:09 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #16.2  KittyKat

      Well, let’s see, there’s no lifeguard on duty, so they must just hang around to pick-up “partners.”

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:44 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #16.3  unholyghost2003

      good theory! except for the big sign that says “No Lifeguard on Duty”

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:45 am   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #17  Aijaz

    Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold. What’s that? “Teasers?” Never mind, then.

    Jun 2, 2008 at 9:05 am   rating: +3  

     
  • #18  Quite Contrary

    It’s an interesting evolution. First, clear instructions. When those are ignored, they are followed by sanctimonious, angry and guilt-intended clarifications. When those failed (and they usually do), we moved to a more modern pre-emptive threat.

    Sounds and feels like my office.

    Jun 2, 2008 at 9:09 am   rating: +12  

     
  • #19  einekleinetiger

    The “won’t somebody please think of the children” argument kills me. I love the way people think kids have never heard or seen bad language before.

    Jun 2, 2008 at 9:15 am   rating: 0  

    • #19.1  secondsout

      I agree. In fact, kids should just be exposed to everything as early as possible. Who else is on Team “Porn for children?” Not porn with children, you sicko!

      Jun 2, 2008 at 1:30 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #19.2  Mishee

      I am definitely joining your Team sout - I mean, imagine how much easier the Birds & the Bees talk will be if they have already been watching Porn for a few years?!

      Jun 2, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #19.3  Sheepish

      i’m on team corrupt-the-children-early.
      but really, who says they’re so innocent anyway?
      i’ve been disrespected by too many 5 year olds with their sense of entitlement and shit.
      teach them to be self-sufficient as early as possible so they stop asking me for things.
      just ’cause they’re small doesn’t mean they can’t take care of themselves.
      fuck your 5 year olds; you ask for too much. if you can’t handle a little filthy language and alcohol then don’t raise your kids in South Carolina!

      Jun 2, 2008 at 1:58 pm   rating: +2  

       
    • #19.4  Canthz_B

      If kids didn’t repeat the latest dirty deeds slang how would adults ever learn?

      Jun 2, 2008 at 9:00 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #20  KittyKat

    If they’re really worried about the little kids, wouldn’t it be a good idea to hire a lifeguard?

    Jun 2, 2008 at 9:42 am   rating: +18  

    • #20.1  RunBarbara

      A convicted sex offender can monitor swimming just as well as your average life guard.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: +7  

       
    • #20.2  amazon

      If they’re worried about the kids, don’t take them to a “homemade” water park!

      Jun 2, 2008 at 11:24 am   rating: +7  

       
    • #20.3  KittyKat

      Hey, the pedophiles gotta pick-up “partners” somewhere!

      Jun 2, 2008 at 11:27 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.4  RunBarbara

      yeah, because for some reason they cant lurk outside of jr. high schools anymore.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 12:19 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.5  secondsout

      It’s OK, RB, you can lurk at the kiddy park at Burger King.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 1:31 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.6  RunBarbara

      *longs for the ball pit*

      Jun 2, 2008 at 2:01 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.7  Mishee

      I’m pretty sure you long for ANY kind of balls RB

      Jun 2, 2008 at 2:44 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.8  RunBarbara

      totally. especially your mom’s. let her know i will be over later, make sure she takes a shower. last time she smelled like a fish tank.

      Jun 2, 2008 at 2:54 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #20.9  Mishee

      honey, she can’t afford to use her expensive brass polish every time you come over!!

      Jun 2, 2008 at 3:03 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #21  GhostWriter

    This is what happens when Clear Channel Communications diversifies, and buys up the Weeki Watchee mermaid show. Damn- things were so much simpler when the Mob ran Vegas.

    Jun 2, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #22  Lorelie

    Notice the obviously added in S on Bad Mouths. This was initially directed at a specific person. Curious that one person could raise so much ire, out of an entire water park.

    Jun 2, 2008 at 9:57 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #23