“Working in a university library, you get used to a lot of ‘quirky’ personalities,” says our anonymous submitter in Manhattan, Kansas. “So far, this is the only one that has decided to put pathology to paper.”
We all need somebody to hate on
June 4th, 2008 · 152 comments
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · college life · exclamation-point happy!!!! · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Kansas · nonsensical spacing · touching
152 responses so far ↓
#1
grammargrandma
What does “ONLY” mean in this sentence?
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:37 am rating: 1
#2
Canthz_B
Libraries usually make me sleepy but not if there are pods around!
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:42 am rating: 2
#3
Delurker
That plant was fucking delicious.
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:43 am rating: 2
#4
Canthz_B
I wonder if she’s growing peas in her pod.
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:43 am rating: 2
#5
secondsout
…and if I don’t want to talk to you??
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:43 am rating: 0
#6
secondsout
Holy shit, pod people!!
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:44 am rating: 1
#7
zombieBlanco
Even zombies know to be afraid of the pod people. We know what they would do to you. DO NOT MAKE AN APPOINTMENT, DO NOT TALK TO THE POD PEOPLE!!
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:45 am rating: 9
#8
secondsout
I was just about to climb on this guy’s plant. Good thing he stopped me. Banzai trees aren’t terribly sturdy. In hindsight, that was just a bad idea.
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:45 am rating: 9
#9
secondsout
It used to be that young college students were weary of growing up to work in a cubicle farm. Cubicle is one of those words that sounds cold and uninviting. Pod just sounds goddamn strange. I hope I never work in one of those.
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:47 am rating: 4
#10
secondsout
Shouldn’t the plants be in containers that have more than water only? Like, maybe, some potting soil?
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:48 am rating: 0
#11
Canthz_B
♫ “Hey! You! Don’t lean on my pod!” ♫
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:00 am rating: 13
#12
known unknown
… plants in containers of water and pod people…
there’s a Soylent Green joke in here somewhere…
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:02 am rating: 3
#13
Crash
Can you imagine having to make an appointment to fire this person ??
Boss man : “We need to talk. ”
Pathological Librarian Pod Person : “Sorry, I’m booked till the 5th of next month, come back then, and we can talk…
AND DON’T TOUCH MY POD !!!”
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:06 am rating: 4
#14
Fnnkybutt
She should paint her pod lime green. That’d keep the triflers away.
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:15 am rating: 19
#15
Zsa
Ah~ this is one of those people… when I walk by her pod, I will scritch my fingernails across her fabric walls and lean on her “doorway” when chatting with her pod-mate. Lucky me~ she’ll hate me so much she won’t even THINK of asking me to water her plants when she goes on vacation.
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:20 am rating: 1
#16
known unknown
IF YOU WANT “TO” TALK TO ME SEE CASEY IN HUMAN “RESOURCES”!!!
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:23 am rating: 48
#17
known unknown
I iz en ur pod
leenin’ on ur plantz
& soaken up ur archival payperz!!1!11!
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:25 am rating: 29
#18
Crash
Funny thing is…
I think bamboo is a plant that just sits in water, no soil.
And I think it’s supposed to bring good luck or something too.
Guess it works better for drenching archival papers though.
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:26 am rating: 2
#19
fantasy
“Urban dictionary” defines this note very interesting!
” Stay off my uterus and don’t lean on my
vulva! If you want to talk about it make an
appointment!”
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:32 am rating: 1
#20
Canthz_B
I’d like to see the inside of this pod. It must be covered with notes to self because she’s clearly used all of her push-pins!
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:45 am rating: 1
#21
Sarah
She has her plants in water? Like out of the toilet? I’ve never seen no plants grow out of no toilet!
Jun 4, 2008 at 2:36 am rating: 1
#22
Michael Aivaliotis
I don’t see anything wrong with this note.
Jun 4, 2008 at 2:56 am rating: 2
#23
Audrey II
FEED ME!!
Jun 4, 2008 at 3:21 am rating: 8
#24
TuesdayPillow
Gratuitous amounts of exclamation points bother me. I wonder if she is capable of screaming that loud?
Jun 4, 2008 at 3:29 am rating: 0
#25
park rose
Let’s see how it goes.
To the tune of Bowie’s
Suffragette City
(hey man) oh stay offa my plant you know
(hey man) oh I gotta an archival grant, I gotta
(hey man) I gotta straighten my face
This yellow bound book just put its spine out of place
(hey man) I may be insane
(hey man) my work’s down the drain
(hey man) well I’m a total blam-blam
She said she had to reach it but she..and then she..
Oh don’t lean on my pod, cause you can’t afford to tick me (off)
I’m back and I’m feeling shitty
Oh don’t lean on my pod
Cause you ain’t got my permission
You know I’m a suffering biddy
Stay outta sight…I’m always right
(hey man) ah someone knocked all my plants, go away
(hey man) I can’t take you this time, no way
(hey man) I wouldn’t do this to you
The only time to talk to me is at one is at one
Oh don’t lean on my pod, cause you can’t afford to tick me (off)
It’s a veiled threat absolutely
Oh don’t lean on my pod
Cause you gotta ring and book me
Don’t m*f wet my hist’ry
Stay outta sight…I’m always right
Oh don’t shit me!
Oh don’t lean on my pod, etc. x3
Ohhh, wham bam…?
Jun 4, 2008 at 4:36 am rating: 27
#26
hibousoir
Oh, I can vouch for the fact that library employees–particularly FEMALE library employees–are mutha-effin’ bonkers. I’ve worked with women who forgo pod notes and speak to each other like this in staff meetings.
Jun 4, 2008 at 5:49 am rating: 2
#27
cricket
you must KNEEL before POD!
Jun 4, 2008 at 5:52 am rating: 6
#28
RALPHY
Staying off plants=2 exclamation marks
Reaching across pad=3 exclamation marks
Making an appointment=4 exclamation marks
I guess shitting in her trash can would get at least 6 or 7.
Jun 4, 2008 at 8:15 am rating: 7
#29
Sundaeg1rl
Well, call me a stickler for good old-fashioned Health & Safety, but is sticking containers full of water on a desk that contains a myriad electrical items and precious documents really a good idea? In fact, isn’t it some kind of violation of the workplace’s policy?
What a muppet!
Jun 4, 2008 at 8:31 am rating: 1
#30
GhostWriter
“Look, Boss, somebody’s done it again! One of my plants is knocked over, and there’s water all over the archival papers.”
“Gwen, remember what I told you about your pots?”
“Look, I know you don’t think ice pots are appropriate here in the library, but my orchids thrive best in a container of water only. But LOOK- my ice pot is all gone, the orchid is lying there on my desk, and there’s water everywhere!!”
“Gwen, just clean it up and use a plastic pot from now on. You can set it over there on the windowsill…”
“DON’T LEAN ACROSS MY POD!!”
Jun 4, 2008 at 8:37 am rating: 11
#31
Kevin
You missed the “already” (all ready) – or has that changed in grammer rules, too?
Jun 4, 2008 at 8:40 am rating: 0
#32
reclusivemonkey
NO APPOINTMENT FOR YOU!
(With apologies to the Soup Nazi)
Jun 4, 2008 at 8:42 am rating: 4
#33
Kev Orng
Someone knocked my coffee onto my keyboard once. Call me crazy, but I took that as a sign that maybe I shouldn’t keep coffee next to my keyboard. I hope her archival documents were as easy to replace as my keyboard.
Jun 4, 2008 at 9:05 am rating: 10
#34
Mishee
I bet you anything this note was written by Dr. Evil.
He is really possessive over his escape pod.
And he always mutters how he’s surrounded by frickin’ idiots.
Jun 4, 2008 at 9:07 am rating: 5
#35
Jim
And quit moving my stapler.
Jun 4, 2008 at 10:08 am rating: 11
#36
Lorelie
I suppose “Stay the fuck away from me!” was too short?
Jun 4, 2008 at 10:24 am rating: 2
#37
Sheepish
just because you wouldn’t do something to me is not a good enough reason why i can’t do the same thing to you.
that reasoning does not fly with me.
what if i’m just not a nice person and i enjoy knocking over pots of water just to make your life miserable?
Jun 4, 2008 at 10:27 am rating: 0
#38
NoPunIntended
I’d take this PAN as a sign to stay the F’ out of this library… someone’s on the verge of going postal… I mean podal.
Jun 4, 2008 at 10:42 am rating: 4
#39
gradytripp
So let me just keep my archival papers under these precariously hanging cups of water attached to a cubicle wall….la la la…let’s see: Howard Hughes’s Will…check….the original draft of the Constitution…check…..stamp with plane printed upside down….check….and finally, my Honus Wagner tobacco card….check.
O.k. everything seems to be in order here….let me just leave this Fabergé Egg holding open the door, while this endangered black rhino guards everything.
Time for a Vitamin water.
Jun 4, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: 30
#40
unholyghost2003
I am with everyone who has said she should not keep plants in a fuckin library! There is nothing (nor should there be anything) in a library that is improved by the application of water, potting soil, or fertilizer. All things that are good for plants are not good for the microfiche, the books, the archival papers, and the french fries .
Jun 4, 2008 at 11:40 am rating: 9
#41
KittyKat
Plant (i.e. marijuana)
Archival papers (i.e. rolling papers)
Make an appointment (i.e. bring me some fucking tacos to appease the munchies!)
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:19 pm rating: 15
#42
Sarah
She could just be a really, really obsessive fan of The Breeders.
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:29 pm rating: 0
#43
Moon
How do you know it’s a she? When I read it, I just assumed it was a guy.
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:40 pm rating: 2
#44
Dr. How
Knocking water only on my archival papers is KILLING ANTHONY GROSSO!
Thank you Terry
Jun 4, 2008 at 12:42 pm rating: 6
#45
Quite Contrary
I actually think she would do this to you. Especially if you didn’t make an appointment.
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:04 pm rating: 2
#46
Tad
I’d throw a fit, too, if someone clumsily spilled water on archival documents I was using…
That part I understand.
What I don’t understand is the addendum about requiring an appointment to speak to people.
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:18 pm rating: 0
#47
Sue
I’m willing to cut slack on this one. I’ve got a coworker who has absolutely no regard for my personal space and not only steps into my cube to talk with me, but sits on the edge of my desk! And once he had the nerve to put his foot ON my desk to tie his laces. WTF?? I not only told him directly to get the fuck out of my space, but then strung yellow tape across the opening of my cube with a sign saying “Dave-Free Zone.”
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:24 pm rating: 3
#48
Quite Contrary
If you want me to respond, make an appointment!
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:25 pm rating: 0
#49
Miss Grace
What is a pod? And, as a librarian I have to ask, why do you have large open containers of water near your archival papers?
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:41 pm rating: 3
#50
mrs mls
Whew. I’m glad the water missed the cat figurines and the knitting that just got started….
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:44 pm rating: 8
#51
KittyKat
“I’d like to talk to you.”
“Make an appointment.”
“How do I make an appointment?”
“Ask me when I’m available.”
“Okay, when are you available?”
“Don’t talk to me. Make an appointment.”
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:51 pm rating: 13
#52
Canthz_B
I have a pretty good idea where they can find the office label-maker…
“Jane’s” pod
“Jane’s” plant
“Jane’s” monitor
“Jane’s” CPU
“Jane’s” desk
“Jane’s” chair
“Jane’s” stapler
etc, etc, etc…
Jun 4, 2008 at 2:16 pm rating: 3
#53
ErikaBlare
Stay off my plant? Don’t lean on my pod? This note has sexual frustration written ALL over it.
Jun 4, 2008 at 3:32 pm rating: 12
#54
Quite Contrary
If they were sexually frustrated, as you say, wouldn’t they want their pod leaned on and someone on their plant?
I’m just sayin…
Jun 4, 2008 at 4:46 pm rating: 0
#55
claw71
Quirky personalities?
I thought libraries were staffed by egocentric jerks. I guess I was wrong.
Jun 4, 2008 at 5:21 pm rating: 0
#56
claw71
And why would they have a library in Kansas? When did they start reading?
Jun 4, 2008 at 5:22 pm rating: 7
#57
Lurker
Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait.
KANSAS has a Manhattan, too?
Jun 4, 2008 at 5:34 pm rating: 2
#58
Dr. How
Seriously though, what library has pods? Pods are for peas and spaceships.
DO NOT LEAN ON MY POD!!!
STAY OFF MY PLANET!!!
I would not do this to you.
Jun 4, 2008 at 5:51 pm rating: 4
#59
marcopuffin
gone are the days when library workers just said “shhhh”
Jun 4, 2008 at 7:18 pm rating: 1
#60
GVI
Looks like someone is growing some hydophonic marijuana and is a bit paranoid.
Jun 4, 2008 at 7:57 pm rating: 1
#61
rhelian
GET OFF MY POD!! …Yup. It still sounds dirty.
“What are you doing? Don’t lean on my pod!!!”
“I wasn’t, I just -”
“IF YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE ME EXCUSES, MAKE AN APPOINTMENT!!!!!”
I wonder if she makes EVERYONE make an appointment to talk to her. Like… her mom, her credit card company, the guy she passes on the street who asks for the time…
Jun 6, 2008 at 12:32 am rating: 0
#62
Quite Contrary
Sheesh. No “please,” “THX,” or “ppl.”
Jun 6, 2008 at 1:59 pm rating: 0
#63
Quite Contrary
And didn’t like lying either…
Jun 6, 2008 at 2:43 pm rating: 0
#64
libworker
In this case I know the person. This sign was up because her pod is right next to the elevator. People always disrupt her when she is working and nose around in her stuff while waiting for the elevator. Since this was posted the sign had to be taken down.
Jun 13, 2008 at 12:48 pm rating: 0
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