an anonymous submitter in portland, maine is currently chafing under one of the most common irritants of communal living: a roommate “who has never once bought toilet paper.”
she and her other roommate tried some of the more subtle manuevers in the passive-aggressive playbook — up to and including the ol’ hide-and-carry — to no avail. (”when we run out, he uses our paper towels instead,” she says.) that is, until her roommate, who’d “had enough of plunging his shit,” decided to up the ante with this note.
related: oh, she said it
EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!
142 responses so far ↓
#1 park rose
His ability to clog the toilet, though? We’re down with that.
Jun 5, 2008 at 6:07 am rating: +6
#2 park rose
Well, Maxime has noted that there is more than one Dave. The high toilet paper usage isn’t so inexplicable then
Jun 5, 2008 at 6:11 am rating: +8
#3 RALPHY
The handwriting is lovely-and the little heart that she dots her name with is precious. Well Dave, it looks like the jig is up. No more wiping(one less thing to do). You’ll just have to sit around the community living room stinking.
Jun 5, 2008 at 6:34 am rating: +6
#4 park rose
RestaurantGuide reports that Maxime’s of Portland (Maine) has officially downgraded to a BYO-toilet paper venue.
In the past diners and potential users of the restrooms were greeted with candles flickering in tastefully adorned toilet rolls, 2 complimentary full toilet rolls (extra soft), and a marvellous origami crane made from paper towels. However, due to Mooching Dave’s inexplicable high toilet paper usage and his inability to unclog the toilets, (all customers at Maxime’s are expected to have this ability, and in fact, it is usually expected that they demonstrate it just before their mains are served), the proprietor, Maxime, found it necessary to put this restrictive BYO measure in place.
Sorry for the inconvenience, she said, But a trip to our toilets will still be the trip of a lifetime, and better yet, as you can cater to your own wants and needs, individual satisfaction is guaranteed.
Though RestaurantGuide is sad to see Maxime’s creativity no longer on display in the toilet, or the surrounding areas, we are looking forward to a brand new era of BYO-toilet and tissue paper ingenuity.
Any customers upset at the loss of toilet and tissue paper products are encouraged to contact Dave.
Jun 5, 2008 at 6:49 am rating: +34
#5 G.Pat
Maxime should have removed all tissue + paper products - except for a newspaper or magazine!… or is that passive aggressiveness gone wrong?
Jun 5, 2008 at 7:04 am rating: +5
#6 Sundance
He’ll probably use a Swiffer pad. That’s how those things get so dirty.
He really should use the note though, you know, for good measure.
Jun 5, 2008 at 7:09 am rating: +24
#7 Mishee
Maxime, I don’t know what you are talking about… Daves not here, man.
Jun 5, 2008 at 8:15 am rating: +13
#8 Mishee
Duct Tape: It’s like the force.
It’s got a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
And it apparently helps hold up PANotes also. Interesting.
Jun 5, 2008 at 8:18 am rating: +6
#9 Joe
Leave just the scented pine cones in the bathroom — and nothing else. He’ll get the picture real soon. (I hope.)
Jun 5, 2008 at 8:28 am rating: +6
#10 claw71
My brother has been known to skip the wiping process on bigger jobs and proceed directly to the shower. I’d imagine Dave’s the kind of guy who might see that as a logical alternative to supplying his own TP.
Jun 5, 2008 at 8:30 am rating: +7
#11 Kev Orng
I’m with Maxime on this one. I’ve been in her shoes, and I’ve written a similar note, but for me it was three ladies (scientifically proven to be cleaner, I hear) who were letting me buy all the household sundries. Unfortunately the toilet paper note was on a whiteboard and it was 9 years ago, so it’s too late to snag a photo, sorry. Now that was a year rich in PA notes that have been lost to the ages, what a crime.
The roommates finally capitulated and went to the corner store and bought a four-pack of toilet paper. For two dollars more they could have gone to the grocery store and bought a 24-pack, which is about how much they could go through in a week, but no. I guess they didn’t know you could get TP at the grocery store since their mommies usually brought their groceries to them.
After that, I realized they were a hopeless case, and resorted to the Hide-and-carry method you mentioned. But since I was already doing that with my dishes and dish soap, it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience.
My passive aggression on the dish soap wasn’t in the form of a note though. After I refused to buy anymore for these ladies, I started keeping a bottle of dish soap in my closet with my toilet paper and dishes, and when I was finished eating, I’d put a bit of soap in my glass. Then I’d take my dishes out to the sink and start washing them, and after about three weeks of murmuring and confused looks, they finally asked how I was able to produce dish soap out of thin air.
Jun 5, 2008 at 8:33 am rating: +29
#12 claw71
Team Dave.
Not that I condone his failure to provide his share of the TP and habitual toilet cloggers are some of the lowest forms of life on the planet, it’s just that I have a hard time taking that side of anybody named Maxime and I despise people who dot an “i” with a heart.
Jun 5, 2008 at 8:41 am rating: +12
#13 Maxime
BAHAHAHA I can’t believe this made it up here. GJ roommate.
You guys you don’t even know how crap it was, lol literally. We hid our toilet paper, we even kindly spoke to him saying “You really need to chip in if you use so much toilet paper” and he just refused. We are right next door to a store. And then he started using our paper towels which kept clogging the toilet. So out of spite he’d leave the clogged toilet for us. I have unclogged the toilet more for that boy in just one week than I have for myself in the past 6 months.
It got so bad before he moved out (4 days ago, thank goodness, my other roommate and I are still on the same roll and loving it) that we removed even the hand towels lol.
xoxo, Maxime bahaha
Jun 5, 2008 at 8:47 am rating: +19
#14 Mishee
After just going to use my very own bathroom, my very own husband (ironically, Dave) blocked up my damn toilet again.
I feel Maxime’s pain.
Jun 5, 2008 at 8:51 am rating: +2
#15 einekleinetiger
It would probably be easier to just kick the dude out. Maxime has the power to “officially” remove paper products, does she not? Do those powers also grant her the ability to kick out unpleasant house members?
I used to live with some foul, disgusting roommates. At least they didn’t tie up the shower. Showering more than once a semester = totally environmentally unfriendly.
Jun 5, 2008 at 9:27 am rating: +1
#16 KittyKat
What kind of piece of crap PAN note is this? For the love of God, where are the pink penises? The crazy, sketchy handwriting? The ubiquitous WTF? WTF?!!!! For pete’s sake, there’s only one fucking (delicious) exclamation point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jun 5, 2008 at 9:28 am rating: +6
#17 What?
You leave a “paper product” to announce the removal of all “paper products”? Don’t you think Dave might wipe his ass with your note? And when you leave a note complaining that he wiped his ass with your previous note, he’ll use that one as well. I bet notebook paper can really clog a toilet.
Jun 5, 2008 at 9:52 am rating: +9
#18 claw71
Women own the ultimate trump card in bathroom battles: menstrual blood.
A few drops on the seat and every bathroom demand will be honored.
Jun 5, 2008 at 10:01 am rating: +13
#19 Ryan
The RETURN of the SUPER Passive Aggressive notes - SWEeeeet! This one is classic!
Friendly writing style ——————— CHECK!
Pastel Ink and or ornate writing ——– CHECK!
Rant about relatively small matter
(in this case toilet paper use) ————- CHECK!
Public Notice - Casting Blame ———- CHECK!
False Apology Within the Note———- CHECK!
Ridiculously False Cute Ending ——— CHECK!
Use of hearts or Bubble Text ————CHECK!
This one has it all!
Jun 5, 2008 at 10:12 am rating: +15