A little bit of psycho-therapy

June 8th, 2008 · 66 comments

“This is from my shrink’s office,” explains our anonymous submitter in Wisconsin. “Ironically, I was going to them to help me resolve issues with my spouse’s passive-aggressive tendencies.”

Since we really hate working for free, please notify your psychologist of any changes in insurance coverage for 2008 THANK YOU

Can’t you just feel the repressed anger in the sudden drop-off in punctuation?  (After all, if you’re not gonna use three exclamation points, why bother?)

related: perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy?

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · money · shrinks · Wisconsin · You call that punctuation?


66 responses so far ↓

  • #1   zombieBlanco bang

    Translation: We do not give a xxxx about your problems.4
    Unless we’re getting paid to give a xxxx.

    Jun 8, 2008 at 11:46 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   zombieRojo

      That is totally not a random 4. My psychologist has identified four different zombie personalities. Lucky us, I have insurance!

      Jun 9, 2008 at 12:01 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Mishee bang

    I wonder if they will work for Cheese.

    Jun 9, 2008 at 12:08 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   zombieVerde

      We’ll work for Wensleydale!

      Jun 9, 2008 at 12:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   known unknown bang

      … all I have is this day-old Outback bread…

      Jun 9, 2008 at 12:57 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   fantasy bang

      ….do you perhaps have something that is gluten-free?
      I have terrible allergies. …….oh, i think i am in the wrong office, why is everyone tied to a chair?

      Jun 9, 2008 at 1:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   known unknown bang

    Suicide Risks,

    If you’re not covered by xxxx, you’re wasting our time, and the world’s oxygen

    go die

    THX

    Jun 9, 2008 at 12:13 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   claw71 bang

      I don’t care if they have insurance. have you ever been around somebody who is suicidal? Most of them aren’t a lot of fun.

      I mean no disrespect to anybody here who is suicidial but the sad reality of life is that some of you don’t have anything to live for and nobody would care if you offed yourselves.

      The exception to this theory of mine is hot chicks. Hot chicks always have something to live for…especially when they have low self esteem and are so eager to please.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 2:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   JoeInLA

      “I mean no disrespect to anybody here who is suicidal but the sad reality of life is that some of you don’t have anything to live for and nobody would care if you offed yourselves.”

      As someone who has considered suicide more than once (and tried it once, when I was 16), I can tell you that no one is more aware of that fact than the person considering suicide.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 5:23 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   ErikaBlare bang

      yes, those hot chicks are always eager to “fill that void” aren’t they? ;)

      Jun 9, 2008 at 5:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   RunBarbara bang

      hey claw, i have low self esteem and a clean thong. wanna meet behind the bowling alley and do some “dumpster diving”? i really need to feel pretty.

      Jun 13, 2008 at 1:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   known unknown bang

    dear anonymous in Wisconsin,

    If I’ve learned anything about P.A. behavior from this site, it’s that all P.A. tendencies can be assuaged with a potluck, a proper garbage bag and a unitard.

    I’d say there’s no need to thank me, but I hate lying.

    Jun 9, 2008 at 12:23 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   amazon bang

    Don’t they have a front office for matters like that? Why would you waste your psychologist’s time with that?

    Jun 9, 2008 at 12:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Lurker

      No therapist I’ve ever been to has had a front office. I don’t know if they’re cheapskates, or just trying to keep the atmosphere intimate, or what. They contract out for their billing.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 11:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   fantasy bang

    I hate notes like this, they make me crazy!

    Jun 9, 2008 at 12:31 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   ErikaBlare

      Is it the caps locked Times New Roman? I always develop an involuntary facial tic whenever I am forced to read such lurid type face.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 2:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   ErikaBlare

    Hmm, yes, but how does that make you feel? Betrayed? Unloved? Perhaps this is something we should devote some time to. . .

    Jun 9, 2008 at 12:45 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   fantasy bang

    Within the last year, my insurance premiums

    have more than doubled!

    I now pay $890.00 each and every God Damn

    month , I think I know you don’t work for free.

    Anything else you would like to know?

    Jun 9, 2008 at 1:18 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   fantasy bang

    I do think the note in question was written by one of the many personalities they call patients.

    Why else would they think that they actually do work there!

    Jun 9, 2008 at 1:32 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   paranoiagirl bang

    I wonder if they’d accept the Charmin I’m hiding from my roommates…

    Jun 9, 2008 at 1:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   globalnole

    You should see “Casey” in Human Resources to inform us about your change in coverage.

    Jun 9, 2008 at 1:43 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Erin

    This is pretty depressing. I can’t even come up with a snarky comment because I feel guilty for the patients who would have to fess up to stealing therapy.

    Jun 9, 2008 at 1:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   zombieAzul

    diagnosis: whoever wrote this note is a complete and utter wanker

    treatment: psychologist, heal thyself

    Jun 9, 2008 at 1:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   fantasy bang

      …..Sybil?

      Is that you?

      Or you?

      Or you?

      Or you?

      Jun 9, 2008 at 1:55 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Set To Evil bang

    Maybe if these quacks could charge less we wouldn’t need to have insurance!

    Jun 9, 2008 at 1:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   vimandvigor

    that free therapy was fucking delicious.

    Jun 9, 2008 at 2:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   fantasy bang

    To anonymous in Wisconsin, who had passive agressive issues with her husband. Give him some felt tip pens, some large paper and show him this sight. Then send him downtown to see what he comes up with.

    *….we always need fresh notes! I think Hubby could use the therapy! Free for the making….*

    Jun 9, 2008 at 2:33 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   ZombieToo

    Lucy Vanderpelt only charged 5 cents for this service. I wonder how much this quack charges?

    Jun 9, 2008 at 7:53 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   secondsout bang

      Chas: Dr. VDP, my issues all start with a girl pulling the football away from me. It symbolizes rejection from females, failure in what I hope to accomplish, and other people having no confidence in me.

      Dr. VDP: and how does this make you feel?

      Chas: a mixture of frustration, anger, and sadness

      Dr. VDP: and what do you intend to do about it?

      Chas: next time she does it, I’m going to kick that bitch in the mouth!

      Dr. VDP: umm, session’s over, here’s some Paxil, and it’s time for me to pack for my Aruban vacation.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 2:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Quite Contrary

    And you wonder why these patients might have some issues??

    Jun 9, 2008 at 9:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   KittyKat bang

    It’s probably your mother’s fault.

    Jun 9, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Mishee bang

      Kat everything is my mother’s fault. That is why I have RB crank call her once a week.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   KittyKat bang

      I can only pray my daughter loves me as much.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Mishee bang

      You better hope she does Kat, otherwise you might be looking at nursing homes after the first time you wet the bed!

      I do love my mama, that’s why I will wait until she shits the bed before I turn her into the elder care facility! :D

      Jun 9, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   RunBarbara bang

      i sent my mom a pic of my boobs when i was on vacation. i think this not only qualifies as her weekly prank call but as one of the most disturbing things ive done while drunk.
      i hope her therapist accepts unwrapped gum from the bottom of a purse and warm pennies otherwise moms is SOL.

      Jun 13, 2008 at 1:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Bellabeastie

    PSYCHOLOGISTS

    WE KNOW YOU HATE WORKING FOR FREE, SO DO WE. AND WE PRETTY MUCH HATE EVERYBODY OR WE WOULDN’T BE HERE. AND THAT MEANS YOU. SO PLEASE KEEP THE SNARKY NOTES TO A MINIMUM TO ENSURE THAT WE DON’T GO POSTAL ON YOUR ASS.

    THANK YOU

    Jun 9, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    PSYCHOLOGIST

    SINCE WE REALLY HATE PAYING YOU WHAT WE TAKE HOME IN ONE DAY FOR 50 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME,
    WE THE PATIENTS HAVE DECIDED TO TALK THINGS OUT WITH OUR FRIENDS INSTEAD

    THANK YOU

    Jun 9, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   JoeInLA

      P.S. Of course, we’ll blithely ignore the advice we get from our friends, even though it’s identical to the advice we were getting from you, because we’re not paying them for it. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

      Jun 9, 2008 at 1:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   JoeInLA

      P.P.S. Mind you, that doesn’t mean we’ll stop “talking things out” with our friends, we’ll just continue to pretend we don’t hear what they say.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   RP

    “Since we really hate working for free”

    Please, like they won’t bill you if your insurance doesn’t pay!

    If they can’t even manage to be polite in a reminder about changes to insurance then it is time to find a new doctor. For crying out loud, if you’re going to a shrink then you obviously have enough problems without having to deal with some asshat every time you see your doctor.

    Jun 9, 2008 at 10:22 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    Any shrink worth his shingle should be able to get this information out of his patients during a therapy session:

    “Well Ms. Jones, have there been any stressful changes in your personal relationships lately? How about your health insurance, any anxiety causing changes there or same benefits as last year?”

    Jun 9, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Canthz_B bang

    I wanted to be a psychologist but I couldn’t pass Concerned Look 101.

    Jun 9, 2008 at 10:38 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Mishee bang

      Yeah CB – I kept doodling my boyfriend’s last name with my first name in my notebook, so they failed me.

      Apparently you are supposed to play hangman or do crosswords.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 10:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Tracy

      Now see, I have my degree in psych… but I couldn’t pass the internship requirement that I avoid saying things like, “JEEBUS H in a Handtruck – you are the biggest whiney spoiled entitled windbag that I have seen all day! Get out of your own way! Sheesh!”

      Since while that may be the best advice in the long run, it doesn’t really encourage any follow-up appts….

      Jun 10, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Lurker

    The repressed punctuation is clearly a sign of sublimated sexual anxiety. The writer has a paralyzing fear of running across that most phallic of grammatical symbols, the exclamation mark. The fact that only the word “free” is punctuated indicates a desire to break free from sexual repression, while the unrelievedly erect capital letters illustrate deep sexual frustration.

    As Dr. Freud said, “Sometimes a cigar is just fucking delicious.”

    Jun 9, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   claw71 bang

    Well, doc, it all started with a note in the break room that said my mother doesn’t work here. Then they canceled our insurance, cut our bonuses and stopped springing for coffee.

    And how did that make you fee—WAIT! They canceled your insurance?

    Yep. They said it was too expensive.

    You’re cured!

    Jun 9, 2008 at 11:48 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Mishee bang

      Not to mention that HR was messing with you and hiding the bathroom key in Casey’s office!

      Who effin does that?! :D

      Jun 9, 2008 at 11:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   claw71 bang

      I don’t mind having to see Casey when I need to got to the bathroom.

      I make it rain

      Jun 9, 2008 at 1:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Mishee bang

      well she is in New Orleans right now, so you know she’s down for ANYTHING at the moment… wait, who the heck am I talking about? She’s ALWAYS down for ANYTHING…

      That’s why I love the dirty lezzie!

      Jun 9, 2008 at 1:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   Mishee bang

      I just text messaged her with that comment of yours claw, and she wrote back that she doesn’t mind getting a little rain on her face.

      And she sent me a pic message with a boob shot. But I am keeping that to myself! :D

      Jun 9, 2008 at 2:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   claw71 bang

      That’s OK, I’m an ass man anyway.

      If she sends you a moon shot let me know if she still has that tat that reads “python parking”.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   RunBarbara bang

      i still have the tattoo but its lacking something….a red hand print from a firm slap, maybe?

      Jun 13, 2008 at 1:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Ryan

    TO OUR BELOVED PATIENTS
    PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR INSURANCE WITH YOU BEFORE YOU CHECK IN – WE APPRECIATE IT!!!!!

    THX – SANDRA

    Jun 9, 2008 at 12:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Quite Contrary

    But…couldn’t you see Miles or Frasier posting this very sign?

    Jun 9, 2008 at 1:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   GhostWriter bang

    I’m afraid that one of the patients might Stop Making Sense and turn into a Psycho Killer.

    We haven’t seen you since your last attack
    Insurance coverage was revoked by fax
    You can’t keep letting payments slide
    Keep in touch now, so long, bye bye!

    Psycho Killer, Aetna says,
    Fa fa fa free sessions, fa fa fa free sessions have
    All gone gone gone gone gone gone away

    Why start a 12-step program if you can’t reimburse it?
    You come here a lot, But you’re not payin’ anything
    Insurance 2008! Your claims expired.
    Co-payments suck! Why pay ‘em again?

    Psycho Killer, Aetna says,
    Fa fa fa free sessions, fa fa fa free sessions have
    All gone gone gone gone gone gone away

    Jun 9, 2008 at 2:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Phat girl

      Great. Now I’ll have that earworm all day!

      Jun 9, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   claw71 bang

      I had an ear worm once. It put me under the control of Khan.

      Jun 9, 2008 at 5:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   KittyKat bang

      The Star Trek guy or Chaka?

      Jun 9, 2008 at 5:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   marcopuffin bang

    hate + caring/sharing = psycho-therapy indeed; good title! Glad I’m not at the mercy of these soul-shredders.

    Jun 9, 2008 at 3:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   jaywalke

    Well, if they’re not getting paid, it’s not really work, is it?

    Therefore, all help is on a volunteer basis. Please speak to the lamp post outside about your next appointment.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 3:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Russ

    If this were my doctor, I’d turn around and leave. There are much more classy and professional was to state this sort of thing. Pretty offensive, in my opinion.

    http://death-sentences.blogspot.com

    Jun 10, 2008 at 11:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   deathsentence

    Hey Russ! Your name still links to your blogspot. No reason to look like a troller. :wink:

    Jun 10, 2008 at 11:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Lulu

    How is this passive aggressive? I don’t get it.

    Jun 12, 2008 at 1:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   RunBarbara bang

      it includes sarcasm, all capital letters, zero puncutaion and, if im not mistaken, is written in times new roman. all direct signs of a shitty passive aggressive note.
      it translates to:
      “fuck hypocrates! ass, grass or gas no one rides for free!”

      Jun 13, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
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    Jun 23, 2009 at 3:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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