terri in d.c. found this sign-bedecked scooter outside her apartment hilarious for three reasons. first off, “the fact that one of those little squirrely-looking scooter guys got out his most aggressive art supply and wrote “fuck off and die” to a stranger.”
second, she says: “i live between two churches, a library, an elementary school, and a high school. classy place to curse at passersby!” and the best part, says terri? “the neighborhood i live in in d.c. is named mount pleasant.”
related: nice try










140 responses so far ↓
#1
English Fail

Aww, the irony!!
Jun 9, 2008 at 6:53 pm rating: +1 
#2
ErikaBlare

Don’t be a bitch? Sorry, pretty rich for a man who drives a scooter. Fail.
Bonus points for the multi-colored paper, though.
Jun 9, 2008 at 6:56 pm rating: +15 
#3
park rose

Well, the good thief has been granted redemption already. Considering the scooter is between two churches, there may be hope for the bad thief’s soul yet.
Jun 9, 2008 at 6:59 pm rating: +4 
#4
Canthz_B

Another refugee from the motivational speaker circuit.
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:03 pm rating: +6 
#5
Canthz_B

I’d leave the scooter a mangled heap of scrap with a note saying “I may be a poor thief, but I’m a damned good vandal!”
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:09 pm rating: +42 
#6
Canthz_B

Of course he’s a poor thief.
Rich thieves don’t steal scooters.
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:11 pm rating: +18 
#7
secondsout

I wouldn’t sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars!
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:15 pm rating: +7 
#8
JoeInLA

Okay, Canthz_B, time to put the coffee pot down.
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:16 pm rating: +1 
#9
Canthz_B

There is no rhyme or reason to when the writer chooses to use capital letters.
All I can think of is that their health insurance changed for 2008 and they no longer see a therapist.
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:18 pm rating: +4 
#10
secondsout

You might have your scooter still, but you still ride a scooter, and have to really search for your lost dignity.
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:19 pm rating: +14 
#11
secondsout

Does the scooter owner actually drive around with all those signs still attached?
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:22 pm rating: +1 
#12
secondsout

You are a *bad* grammarian. So many tries - fuck off and learn some grammar. - SecondsOut of the Greater PAN Grammar Nazi Society.
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:29 pm rating: +10 
#13
GVI

I had something really smart to say about this note but I decided to kill myself, just like what mr. scooter needs to do.
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:42 pm rating: +3 
#14
Mishee

This is the point where the would-be thief goes to a biker bar, slashes some tires, and then tells the pissed off Hell’s Angels that is was the scooter guy.
We will see who is the bitch then, won’t we??
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:46 pm rating: +7 
#15
secondsout

I once made the mistake of calling one of those scooters a moped. The guy I knew who drove it was offended. Jeez, sorry…
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:50 pm rating: +4 
#16
Joyful

Maybe she should park her scooter somewhere else?
*She? He?*
Jun 9, 2008 at 7:57 pm rating: 0 
#17
losfunkyst

Oh yes, next time the little scooter is definatly going down the drains. As if the poor thief is not already in deep sorrow over his many failed attemps. Now he has to deal with being mocked in public ?
I say get a shed.
Jun 9, 2008 at 8:07 pm rating: +3 
#18
Terri

Updates!
1. Turns out it IS a she. My roommate saw her locking up her bike.
2. She changed all the signs into Spanish (I live in a predominantly Latino neighborhood.). Race!
3. She DOES drive around with all the signs on.
4. She is cray.
Jun 9, 2008 at 8:08 pm rating: +18 
#19
se

thief must not have really tried to hard. The post that chain is around could be cut through in about 2 minutes. Bye,Bye Scootie into the back of a pickup
Jun 9, 2008 at 8:10 pm rating: +3 
#20
Quite Contrary

Even if she had insurance, no one would want to treat her.
Jun 9, 2008 at 8:56 pm rating: +1 
#21
Olivia

I’m really digging the “steal it or don’t, but don’t be a bitch” at the end. I can always appreciate it if someone is just bluntly honest.
Jun 9, 2008 at 9:15 pm rating: +10 
#22
Gordon

I see that driving down 16th street all the time! Glad you posted it!
Jun 9, 2008 at 9:31 pm rating: +3 
#23
mike

bottle of water in the gas tank would work wonders
Jun 9, 2008 at 10:49 pm rating: +1