Oh sweetie, I love it when you talk dirty!

June 10th, 2008 · 150 comments

“My friend Katelyn’s roommate left her this note before she went away for Memorial Day weekend last year,” says Monica in Boston. “I love how it starts off so BFF-like…then takes a sharp left into passive-aggressive territory.”

oh sweetie, i love it when you talk dirty!

Adds Monica: “While Katelyn normally likes to avoid confrontation, I think this note pushed her over the edge. She didn’t empty the trash or rinse a dish the entire weekend, and they spent the next three months before their lease ended in a passive-aggressive standoff (purposely being loud when they knew the other had to study…’accidentally’ breaking the other’s belongings, etc.) Good times!”

related: (They match the plastic slipcover on the futon)

FILED UNDER: cleaning · college life · dishes · heart · mean girls · p.s. · roommates · smiley


150 responses so far ↓

  • #1   TuesdayPillow

    Ah yes, the Bostonian passive-aggressive note. Just picture and pronounce all the words without their respective “r”s and you’ll see how it’s much worse than your standard PAN.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 4:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   sommerrainstorm

      i’ve written words along these lines 1,000 times. i don’t see much wrong with it.
      nowadays i’d lean more toward just saying wash the damn dishes.
      am i better?
      lol
      jk

      Oct 10, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   zchamu

    “I lovelovelove you, smoochy kiss! And rinse the fucking dishes before you put them in the dishwasher, you bitch! Kisskiss!”

    Jun 10, 2008 at 4:58 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   English Fail

      I like her use of the smiley faces in the beginning as if she’s hiding her true frustration but instead making it seem as if she’s all happy and has absolutely no worries or concerns at all!!

      Jun 10, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Cricket

      it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 6:31 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   cre8tivewmn

      I pity her future husband so much! Imagine the same p/a note pronounced in a lovey-dovey tone.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Joyful

    The attempt to keep this note lighthearted is so very painful. And maddening!

    Team dirty sink!

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:00 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   GhostWriter bang

    A typical commenter might assume that the passive-aggressiveness starts with the 2nd paragraph.

    The learned eye sees that “drunk-dialing” is simply chore-monitoring in disguise.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:05 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Joyful

      And maybe by ‘drunk dialing’, she really means ‘nanny-cam watching’.

      Jun 10, 2008 at 5:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Quite Contrary

      Please. The PA started with “don’t miss me too much.” If Sam had to write that, she knows damn well that Katelyn will be spending the weekend not cleaning, not rinsing and so not missing Sam.

      Jun 10, 2008 at 8:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   cre8tivewmn

      Maybe she thinks that Katelyn will miss her because of the dirty sink and full trash can.

      So nice to be important!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 10:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Brian

      Yeah, Sam doesn’t strike me as someone who gets out of control drunk, ever. Probably overplays the slightest buzz though.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 12:19 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Canthz_B bang

      Sam probably considers three hot pockets packages a “full can” as well!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   vimandvigor

    “You are so silly the way you leave food all over the plates to be dried on and crusted over in the dishwasher. Oh! Oh! And I LOVE how when I come home I get to see what you’ve eaten in my absence because you leave chunks of salsa in the drain. You go girl! Love and Hugs, Sam”

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:07 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   JesFoolin

      That’s not salsa in the sink. I ate too much pizza and happened to be near the sink when the volcano blew. Good thing it wasn’t five minutes earlier when I was getting boned on your bed.

      Jun 10, 2008 at 9:52 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Mishee bang

    Hmmm, this almost sounds like a note from my mom.

    Just take out the “have a good time”, “don’t miss me too much”, and of course, the under appreciated “Thanks”…

    Other than that, JUST like Mom..

    *sigh*

    I should give her a call… or have RB do it.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TygerAKC bang

      I was just thinking how Sam is probably a Jewish mother in training…all that guilt being thrown at poor Katelyn!

      Jun 10, 2008 at 5:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   HeWhoCannotBeNamed bang

    That kind of talk is bound to incur some spiteful retaliatory wrath. She might as well have written “P.S. Make sure you fuck my boyfriend while I’m away. See ya Tuesday!”

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:10 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   GhostWriter bang

    Everybody knows that Sam really wanted to use the phrase, C-U-Next-Tuesday as her closing.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:11 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   zchamu

      Brilliant.

      Jun 10, 2008 at 5:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   amazon

      I now need to find an excuse to end a letter with “C U Next Tuesday!”

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Lorelie

      I have several coworkers who get every other Monday off . . . hmmm . . . I see possibilities.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Mishee bang

    This should be 8.1, my “Reply To This Comment” isn’t working: GW – it took me like, 5 times reading your comment before I got it.

    Genius! LOLing all the way to the bank! :D

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   GhostWriter bang

      Mishee, don’t you remember the guy with that same name (See U Next Tuesday) commenting here a few months ago? Claw71 and him went at it for a while until he retreated from the site in shame.

      Now that I think about it, it could have been any number of long-lost commenters; that’s usually the way they go.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 9:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Mishee bang

      GW – it’s common knowledge I am a pretty big stoner. I barely remember what I did 10 minutes ago!! :D

      What thread was it on?

      Jun 11, 2008 at 9:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   park rose bang

      GW – I think it was anglophile, amy d and the penguin who had fun with that Tuesday – though Claw might have had a go, too. I think Mishee was on hiatus.

      Mishee, it would have been on anyone of the you didn’t clean up the house properly threads (which of course, is about 60% of the total ;) ).

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Mishee bang

      GW told me – it was (or burn) which was the day after Mr. M got home from vacation… I was on hiatus for about 2 weeks or more…

      Cause we ALL know I would’ve gotten in the middle of that shit storm if I had been here! I LOVE being an instigator!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   unholyghost2003 bang

    *sigh* Fighting passive aggression with passive aggression. When will people learn? What is wrong with some aggression aggression? “Wow! I hope you had as much fun this weekend as I had reading your snotty little note. I’m not retarded, you ARE OCD though. Unless I am SHITTING in it the sink will not need to be cleaned after 3 days. Rinsed? Sure! Cleaned? No. So how about you back the fuck off.”

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:24 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Mishee bang

      (of course NOW the reply to works)

      Ugh, I would LOVE to be your roommate.

      I bet if we got some cameras in there, MTV or VH1 would come calling… I’m what you would call and “Aggressive-Aggressive OCD with Control Issues” – we will get along swimmingly!! :D

      Jun 10, 2008 at 5:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Quite Contrary

      Ugh: Two girls in what I am guessing are their 20′s are physically and emotionally incapable of having that conversation. Now, if it was two women in their 50′s going through the “change,” that’s a whole other story.

      Why do I think Katelyn and Sam are in their 20′s you ask? 1. Sam’s overly stylized writing 2. The submission of this note to PAN. The 50 year olds are still trying to figure out how to turn the internet on.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 3:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Mishee bang

      QC – as long as these girls don’t have a special “cup” I don’t care HOW old they are!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 3:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Joe

    Oh, God that penmanship! I could only IMAGINE what a joy it is to live with this obsessive tyrant. What a control freak you are Samantha.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Mark bang

    If the dishwasher is less than 10 years old or so, RINSING before you put dishes in is most likely UNNECESSARY, and only WASTES water. Kisses!

    THX,
    SANDRA

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:50 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Lorelie

      Think of the children, and the environement we will leave them with!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Lorelie

      Ok, my shitty ass work computer can’t handle the edit comments feature.

      That should be environment.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Mishee bang

      Always with the damn childern…

      WTF.

      Like I care about kids!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Canthz_B bang

      Being too lazy to wash by hand only wastes electricity. Or did they stop making us pay for that while I slept?

      The environment and the children?
      Now I feel as bad as the crying Indian in the old commercial! I am shamed…well I would be if I gave a flying fuck about the environment or my kids!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Canthz_B bang

      Found it!
      PSAs are oh so PA!! :-)

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   staticwarp

      home dishwashers are only powerful enough to degrease and sanitize. if you dont get the chunks off in the sink, they come off in the dishwasher and get thrown everywhere by the jets. and if you use heated dry, they stick to everything so you have to soak them and wash them again.

      i tried to teach my mom this so many times… maybe i should have thrown down some PANs at her ass.

      Jun 14, 2008 at 8:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Brigitte

      put this comment box in wrong spot and now can’t get rid of it – soz

      Jul 14, 2008 at 6:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   KittyKat bang

    Empty the trash? Sure! How about in your bed, Sammie?

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   fantasy bang

      …….Don’t worry, the trash just left for the weekend!

      Jun 10, 2008 at 6:01 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   RALPHY

    This was written by a typical Virgo. I’d like to find out what her plan “B” and plan”C’ was and then, when all else failed, what vailed threats was she going to make in one of her “Drunk Dials”.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Leasyon27

      hey now!

      As a Virgo, I resemble this comment. We can’t all go through life being straightforward and direct.

      Virgos give you PAN world dwellers food to live by.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Mishee bang

      I’m just wondering how the hell RALPHY knows her birthday just by looking at a note she wrote??

      This reminds me of To Kill a Mockingbird, and Jem’s description of Boo Radley’s appearance and diet based soley on his footprints and the measure of his gait.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 10:32 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   GhostWriter bang

      Classic Book Reference FTW!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   vimandvigor

      Virgos don’t have plan B and C because plan A will work.

      MUST. WORK.

      NO. OTHER. PLANS.

      BRAIN. HURT.

      ONLY. PLAN. A.

      (head eh ‘splode)

      Jun 12, 2008 at 1:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   paranoiagirl bang

    “I just wanted to be sure you knew that this is stuff that needs to be done on a regular basis. Thanks!”

    translation: “I’m going to talk to you like you’re 5 and have no concept of what cleaning is, BITCH.”

    A former roommate of mine asked my friend: “now, what do we do when we’re done with our toys?” while she picked up a tape measure he had been fiddling with. GHAA.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 5:59 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Jimmy Straightline

    Sam,
    How dare you leave me a note attempting to remote-control me? To put you in your place, I will spend 3 months “accidentally” breaking your shit. After that I will just badmouth you forever, but we still won’t be even.
    XO Sandra

    Jun 10, 2008 at 6:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   amazon

      aww, this note is making me all sentimental for my ex-roommate. near the end, pissing her off became so much fun!

      i can’t be p.a. with my boyfriend. he grew up with 4 sisters, he’s immune!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Mishee bang

      amazon is a chick?

      wow. The more you know, huh?

      Jun 11, 2008 at 8:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   amazon

      I know! Imagine my surprise!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Quite Contrary

      And mine!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 3:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   RunBarbara bang

      i knew it all along! and i would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasnt for you meddling kids and your wacky dog!

      Jun 15, 2008 at 9:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   claw71 bang

    Whoa, that’s just nasty.

    If I’m Katelyn I’d make sure the trash was emptiued and the dishes were spotless. Sam would come home to a remarkably spotless house and warm welcome home hug.

    We’d order pizza (my treat) and I’d even offer to throw her travel clothes in the laundry as I would be doing a small load of my own. We’d be the best of friends. Giggling as she regaled me with stories of her travels.

    Then we’d turn in for the evening and Sam would come to the grim realization that I had been using her bed as a toilet for the entire duration of her trip. And she’d know why because that note of hers would be stuck to the wall with the very first wipe.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 6:09 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Mishee bang

      I totally thought that story was gonna end with a pillowfight and sexual experimentation…

      You fool me every time claw, that’s why I love you so! :D

      Jun 10, 2008 at 6:27 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   LThrace

      I’ve been a sometimes commenter and all the time lurker here at PAN for some months now.

      But now, I must come from the shadows to let the whole world know this:

      I am absolutely in love with claw71. How can you not love someone who thinks up a scenario like that.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 10:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Mishee bang

      Get to the end of the line! And stay 5 feet away!

      (and watch your back!)

      Jun 11, 2008 at 10:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   GhostWriter bang

      I do not understand how he does it! It’s like he’s the Archangel Michael (from the movie, Michael).

      Does he smell like baked cookies, ladies?

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   Mishee bang

      of course when LThrace came out of the woodwork, I immediately let my dirty lezzie RB know through our special ESP process so she knew that our man was being eyed by a scarlet lipped harlot (whose name should be changed to Jezebel)… this was her response for me to pass on:

      “Tell that bitch that every inch of claw’s python is spoken for, and if she tries to get on secondsout, tell her I have a razor blade in my hair”

      Just a little FYI… :D

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   KittyKat bang

      I miss our sweet, sunshiney Babs. When’s she coming back?

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.7   Mishee bang

      She comes back to CA tomorrow night, but prolly won’t be back to PAN until Friday, unless she is totally swamped at work or has the rest of the week off. Maybe Monday at the latest.

      Thank GOD we have our Lezzie ESP – I would be DYING without her!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.8   RunBarbara bang

      *wipes a little tear, feels warm and fuzzy*
      .
      .
      .
      *thinks it might be claw peeing on her*

      Jun 13, 2008 at 11:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.9   FarSide

      Dang. Sumbish.

      You just intimidated my ass.

      Jul 1, 2008 at 1:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   marcopuffin bang

    Katelyn should have fought pa with pa by ignoring Sam’s instructions, saying nothing about her note but doing lots of extremely annoying things until their tenancy expired and then posting Sam’s note on PAN… oh

    Jun 10, 2008 at 6:39 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   damon

    Why the hell would I even have a dishwasher if I was going to wash the dishes before I washed the dishes? Team Not Rinsing!

    Jun 10, 2008 at 6:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Quite Contrary

      I had this debate with an old roommate on an ongoing basis. What is the point of a dishwasher if you have to WASH the dishes before you put them in?

      Epilogue: I moved out into an apartment without a dishwasher, of course.

      Jun 10, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   amazon

      I used to be on that team. Then our dishwasher broke (it wouldn’t drain). I came home one evening, after the maintenance man had been by to repair it, to find that he’d left me a pile of soggy chunks of food that had been stuck in the drain on our kitchen counter. His message was all too clear, without having to write a single word.

      Team rinse the chunks off!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Canthz_B bang

      I guess I’m just getting old, but when I was young I only ate off of one plate, drank out of one glass, used one knife, fork and spoon and did not live in a barracks.
      Two or three people do not a full wash-load make.

      Team run a sink of water and do the damned dishes.
      I have a dishwasher and rarely do I find a need for it. I can do the dishes in less than 15 minutes by hand and save on my electric bill. The machine takes and hour.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 1:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      But if you have many plates and what not you can save them up and run one load once a week.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 1:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   Mishee bang

      *wondering what kind of well rounded meals CB was eating to neccessitate a fork, knife, AND spoon being used at every mealtime*

      Well rounded meals? That doesn’t sound very “Bachelor-esque” to me!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 1:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   Canthz_B bang

      Saving dirty dishes promotes insect and vermin infestation. I tend to wash as I go. Not saying everyone has to, but I live in an apartment building.

      Mishee…I had a depression era mom. We could go without the latest gizmo or gadget as far as she was concerned, as long as we ate well.
      I think you know me to be a bang-up cook who eats well-rounded meals, even as an AVAILABLE BACHELOR!!!!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 1:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   Mishee bang

      yes, your dinners put my Texas Toast accompaniment to shame! :D

      I guess the spoon is for the tapioca dessert? :)

      Jun 11, 2008 at 1:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.8   Canthz_B bang

      No, Silly! The Jell-O.
      I’m far too old to digest tapioca! :-D

      Jun 11, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.9   Mishee bang

      Wow, tell me you at least put some whipped cream on it or make it with fruit cocktail!

      “cock” “tail”
      *channelling RB*

      Jun 11, 2008 at 1:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.10   Canthz_B bang

      I’m saving the whipped cream for when my cock and your tail meet. We can share a wallbanger! :-P

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.11   Mishee bang

      Ummm.. CB, was that for me or for the RB channelled comment (since we both know that’s what she would say!)

      Not sure…

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.12   bellabeastie

      WOW. Kind of coming in on the tail end of this thread.

      Mishee, RB, I may have to challenge you to a girlie arm-wrestlie thing over CB.

      I’ve had a secret crush on him for a while now.

      It’s a CB Throw Down ! (And as much as I love you two, I can bitch-slap you into the middle of next week). Nicely. I think. maybe. :)

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.13   RunBarbara bang

      Mishee, you underestimate my vulgarity. i totally would have gone for something along the lines of “gumming the jell-o” .

      Jun 13, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.14   Mishee bang

      “gumming”

      bella – it’s all good, CB is like my big brother… now, RB wants to have his mixed race baby, so you guys can arm wrestle, as long as it takes place in said Jell-O and I get to record it for YouTube viewing purposes.

      Jun 13, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.15   RunBarbara bang

      “totally”

      Jun 13, 2008 at 11:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.16   bellabeastie

      Jello-wrestling – I like lime… and don’t forget your dental dam cuz we’re going for the gold.

      I would send a pic of my boobies, but my camera is on the charger, dammit.

      Jun 15, 2008 at 6:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.17   RunBarbara bang

      dont do it.
      you might get too drunk off bad everclear and then accidentally send it to you mom…..

      *hangs head in moderate level of shame*

      Jun 15, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Sarah

    Translation:

    “Hey, Katelyn! Sorry you’re stuck here alone while I have a fantastic weekend of debauchery. I’ll be sure to let you know how much fun I’m having. Oh, by the way, can you take over all my chores? I’d do them, but I’m too busy getting drunk. And you’re not. Sorry! I left you some dirty dishes so you won’t get too bored.

    Love, Sam”

    Jun 10, 2008 at 7:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   fantasy bang

    Cinderella maybe?

    I bet she plays the ugly-fugly step-sis all the time.

    “I am going to go out and party”

    *which means on a three day drunk*

    “You stay home and make sure it smells nice for

    when I come stumbling home.

    ‘Cause I am going to have one whopping

    hangover and I want that sink clean so I can

    puke in it.

    I just cannot tolerate puking in a dirty sink!

    Fooled you,I am not about to call you!

    Just wanted you to feel good about yourself

    while you cleaned for me!

    ♥ Thanks,

    SAM ♥

    Jun 10, 2008 at 7:06 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   gradytripp

    Dear Katelyn,

    When you are done with your events at the Special Olympics…and yes, feel free to wait until after all the hugs and participant ribbons have been given out, could you pleasey pleasey put the garbage in the garbage bags…those are the big black almost shiny things you are not normally allowed to play with because you might choke on them. Don’t get them near your ears, we both know how much you hate anything near your ears. Once you do that, put it out by the street for me dear. I know…I know, you normally aren’t allowed out there, but I think this time you can be a big girl about it. And don’t cook anything in the toaster because I don’t want the alarm to go off and make you get all scared again.

    Love,
    Sam

    PS — Please stay away from my bunnies, because you just hug them so hard!
    Wapner is at 3.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 7:34 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Quite Contrary

    Dear Sam,

    Please go FUCK yourself.

    Heart,
    Katelyn

    Jun 10, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Quite Contrary

    Poor Katelyn. I had a very similar experience with a former roommate. Our PA standoff started with a note from the “cat” telling me that the litter box needed cleaning. At the end of said standoff, the note writer (not the cat) ended up giving me a week’s notice that she was moving out (never mind we had two months to go on a year’s lease), and wanted me out immediately and/or to find someone to take over the lease (she was too busy writing notes from the cat to help).

    The cat and I stayed for the entire eight weeks.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 8:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   amazon

      My damn lazy cats won’t clean their litter box either. Jeez, get a job, you bunch of slackers!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Dr. How

      To whom it may concern,

      I recently negotiated board in this country-estate as a means to restore my constitution after a horrid bout with the deadly consumption. I have found the grounds to be most satisfactory, from the revitalizing morning calisthenics to my evening chair-carriage forays into the hedge-maze. Even as I dictate this letter to my faithful man-servant, I am partaking in a refreshing colonic.

      I am saddened to be forced into the composition of such a missive; I have been left with no recourse. The mongoloid domestics have all but completely disregarded my pleas and quite frankly, I am unsure if they are even able to comprehend my requests. Thus I will leave this note strewn about, in hopes that it reaches a senior grounds-keeper or attendant.

      The state of the commode in my bed-chamber is most unsatisfactory! I request that it be changed without delay and replaced daily thereafter! For a manor-house of such repute this lack of sanitation is unconscionable! I expect my wishes be fulfilled immediately or my hand will be forced into a libelous public campaign aimed at the total ruin of this establishment’s repute. Furthermore, I will not be held responsible for any accidental damages that may befall the contents of this estate due to my current state of muscular fatigue. Undaunted, I will continue the rest of my eight week repose on these grounds. May this situation be rectified with due haste, that we may continue our relationship in mutual amity.

      Sincerely,

      Westinghouse J. Feline III Esq. O.B.E.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:03 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   amazon

      A simple “I can haz kleen litter box?” would have sufficed ;)

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   marcopuffin bang

      not for a feline. “Why settle for a chirrup” is their motto

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Mishee bang

      QC – although you and the cat stayed another 8 weeks, you never told us if you actually ever cleaned the litter box! If so, good for you and your kitty loves you for it!

      If not.. well… yuck. :D

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   Quite Contrary

      Good catch, Mishee. I did clean it. Of course, I did it when the roommate was gone. And, of course, she never acknowledged the clean box. And the PA standoff began!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Lurker

    “Kept” clean? If the sink is clean when she gets back, what does it matter if it’s “kept” clean the whole time she’s away?

    Dear Sam,

    My plan for making sure the trash is emptied is to make sure you empty it when you get back.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 8:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   GhostWriter bang

      Good Point. Any husband knows that the only logical time for cleaning up your house is maybe an hour before the wife returns from her trip. Any time prior to that, you’re still busy messing it up. Same goes for feeding her stupid cat. There’ll be food in the bowl when Mama gets home, so you’d better hope she comes home early, Hendrix!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 9:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   cre8tivewmn

      She’ll know…….her germy sense (a la spidey sense) will tell her.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Zorin

    You’d think it’d be obvious that the trash needs emptying; I mean come on, the trash can will fill up and not magically empty itself anymore.

    Rinsing dishes before putting them in the dishwasher? People still do that? I thought it was necessary for crappy dishwashers from the 70s; mine handles dirty dishes just fine. Get a new dishwasher, sheesh. :)

    Jun 10, 2008 at 8:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Canthz_B bang

      It’s an apartment. You get the dishwasher that comes with the unit and deal with it.
      I know. Difficult concept. :-|

      Jun 10, 2008 at 9:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   secondsout bang

    Katelyn… Does anyone else find the process of taking common names and giving them complicated spellings to be some pretentious shit? What’s wrong with the usual spelling Caitlin? You’ll see these names like Helyn, Ashleigh, or Kati. Seriously, spelling a name in some new way doesn’t make you look sophisticated; it makes you look like an arrogant prick.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 9:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Canthz_B bang

      Seconds, have you ever noticed how some names bring the term “Air-head” to mind?

      I don’t think Sam was beeing nasty here. She just knows that Katelyn is a ditz and needs to be walked through simple tasks.

      Call it Helpful Hints for the Home-Ec. Handicapped.

      Jun 10, 2008 at 9:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   zombieBlanco bang

      Brittany, Brittney, Britnee, Britany, Brittanie, Britainy, Brittani, Brittaney…. Bibs

      Jun 10, 2008 at 10:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   Canthz_B bang

      “being”…sorry about that!

      Jun 10, 2008 at 11:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   zombieBlanco bang

      CB- ‘beeing nasty’ has so much more panache!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 12:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   amazon

      What’s weird is that I have a very normally spelled name, but everyone tries to make it more complicated.

      it ends in a -y. Not -ey, not -i, not -ie, just -y.

      Although, to be fair to Katelyn, the way her parents spelled her name isn’t her fault.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   John in IL

    We have a katlyn and a jaycee and braydon and a wtfkindanameisthat in my family. Future writers of PAN notes in the making.

    Jun 11, 2008 at 1:01 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   John in IL

      PAN notes
      The tree grows pretty close to the fallen apple.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 1:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Canthz_B bang

      LOL, Every County Hall of Records should have a Wtfkindanameisthat file!
      That was great! :-D

      Jun 11, 2008 at 1:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   amazon

      Next to the Department of Redundancy Department!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   grumpygranolagirl

      Had a client who kept telling me about his child and referring to her as “Precious Baby.” After about 20 minutes of this, I finally asked him for the child’s legal name.

      Yep, “Precious Baby” is her legal name.

      Poor little girl.

      I found out a couple years later, there are 2 girls named “Precious Baby” in the same school system.

      This has to stop.

      PS: Hooray for Team “Not my fault my parents can’t spell” as I am stuck with a “y” in my name where most people would put an “e”.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 7:44 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   GhostWriter bang

      I saw this somewhere on the Overheard At The Office website:
      That stupid teacher keeps mispronouncing my daughter’s name. Honestly, why would I have named her ‘Lady Nasty’?? I’ve told her a million times it’s ‘La Dynasty’”

      Jun 11, 2008 at 9:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.6   Mishee bang

      I have a co-worker with a son named Osiris.

      That’s weird, but it’s no Pilot Inspektor, Suri, Shiloh, or Apple….

      Jun 11, 2008 at 9:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.7   paranoiagirl bang

      At the elementary school I worked at, there was a girl named Imunique. As in “I’m unique.”

      Talk about setting your child up for failure in life.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 3:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.8   Mishee bang

      My maiden name is literally the only one of it’s kind (google it and you get ME.. and that’s about it)…

      My parents were “cruel”, I was teased my whole life, and now… well.. I kinda miss it. Yeah, I am able to sign my credit card slip in seconds flat now (the old last name had 12 letters, new one 6)… And when I told my parents that this “wonderful, one of a kind” name was no longer mine, they both (during separate conversations) said “Well, I guess you aren’t unique anymore”…

      Ummm.. ok.

      But at least my first name is Michelle.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.9   Quite Contrary

      You actually sign your last name? After 20 years of signing those damn things, my last name looks like a heart monitor…of a dead person. It’s a very flat line, despite the fact I have lots of L’s and G’s in it.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 3:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.10   Mishee bang

      My old name had 4 Gs (two double whammys) and 4 Ts (also two double whammys)… But I have exquisite penmanship (much like Sam here)… yes, I wrote the whole damn thing out. Every time.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 3:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.11   amazon bang

      4 G’s and 4 T’s? I’m getting very curious as to what your maiden name was!

      Jun 12, 2008 at 12:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.12   Jahzzie

      me too, I’m also dying to know what Mishee’s name is.
      BTW, don’t get me started on “invented” names and creative spelling. I worked as a temp for the Prince George’s County MD department of Welfare and housing. Need I mention it was a predominantly African American county?
      I shall leave you with this one. Sharon. Pronounced “Shay-ron”. Yep, it was a boy.

      Jun 12, 2008 at 4:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.13   park rose bang

      Could be that not everyone feels a connection to names considered ‘standard’.

      Jun 12, 2008 at 6:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.14   unholyghost2003 bang

      Best name I ever heard “Marijuana Pepsi” A friend of mine went to school with her.

      Jun 12, 2008 at 7:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.15   Lurker

      Check out Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing:

      http://notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/

      All kinds of stories about people who think they’re being smart and creative by giving their kids asinine names

      Jun 12, 2008 at 8:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.16   Mishee bang

      I had no idea there was a response some of the double letters in my name (I actually have at least one set of repeating letters in each of my names… isn’t that vierd?)… But if I tell you and you google it you would see a picture of me! That’s scary! You guys are gonna have to convince me to share…

      Jun 12, 2008 at 8:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.17   RunBarbara bang

      My father had a friend named Floppy Meisinnggher. That poor bastard was probably a Jergens/scrambled porn/microwave dinner bachelor until he died on the toilet.

      Jun 13, 2008 at 11:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.18   Mishee bang

      I don’t even want to know how stoned I was in that last post… I actually have TWO G’s (GG) and TWO Fs (FF) and FOUR Ts (TT & TT)…

      I need to lay off the pipe. Plus I guess it’s the fact that I just don’t write it anymore! Thank you Terry!

      Jun 14, 2008 at 9:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.19   Mishee bang

      And my first name has Double Ls (LL) and my middle has double Es (EE)… vierd, huh?

      Jun 14, 2008 at 9:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   TuesdayPillow

    p.s. on your human calendar, June is my hubby-to-be. Teehee! Funny stuff!

    Jun 11, 2008 at 2:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Cricket

    welcome to Awesometown.

    Jun 11, 2008 at 6:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Cricket

    or…

    welcome to Assholetown

    depending on which side of the fence you’re on.

    Jun 11, 2008 at 6:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Cricket

    or for the poor roommate trapped in the middle…

    welcome to ThisFuckingSucksistan

    Jun 11, 2008 at 6:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Ryan

    The most wicked notes I have seen on this page are the ones that the tone changes dramatically.

    I gagged when I looked at those little passive aggressive smiley faces. I puked when I saw the ridiculous heart at the end!

    My favorite part of the note was the author’s underlining of the word CLEAN. It’s as if to say, “Make it clean. My kind of clean – not what you consider clean.”

    Later, rinse is underlined reminding Katelyn that one HAS to rinse!

    With a note like that, you just leave it on the floor like it was blown there by a stray breeze.

    Jun 11, 2008 at 8:40 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   KittyKat bang

      Don’t forget to CLEAN up after all that gagging and puking, Ryan. Or I might drunk dial you!

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   Ryan

      Drunk Dial = “We’re friends enough to talk nice when I’m drunk enough to deal with you.”

      This is especially nasty when you consider that this came in the form of a note and not communicated properly in the first place.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   einekleinetiger

    So Katelyn responded to passive aggression with…. more passive aggression. Golfclaps, Katelyn.

    Jun 11, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   DanOhh

    P.P.S. Katelyn, please don’t forget to wipe your ass and flush the toilet when you done.

    P.P.P.S. Oh, and don’t forget to wash your hands after that.

    P.P.P.P.S. …

    Jun 11, 2008 at 9:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   se

      And Katelyn, I would be very grateful if you didn’t use my decoration towels.

      Jun 11, 2008 at 11:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   shauners

    if only she’d signed off with “see you next tuesday!” instead. so close!
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=See-you-next-Tuesday

    Jun 12, 2008 at 2:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Mishee bang

      OMG shauners! And if only you had posted that comment 29 posts ago, then you would’ve been the first person to say that! so close!

      Jun 12, 2008 at 2:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   KittyKat

      Mishee, I love you for your mean streak.

      Jun 12, 2008 at 2:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.3   Mishee bang

      Kat, even RB says it’s one of my best qualities! :D

      Jun 12, 2008 at 3:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   Jim Beam Whiskey

    It seems like so often these notes are directed at adults who should be capable of basic hygene.
    I’d be ashamed if someone had to remind me not to be a slob.

    Jun 12, 2008 at 2:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Amanda

    Am I the only one on Team Not-Katelyn?

    I’d love a little background refuting Sam’s claim that she’s always the one who does that stuff. The note was PA, but if it’s true, then Katelyn sucks, and her response to the note validates it.

    Jun 12, 2008 at 5:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   June

    Whats wrong with asking your roommate to keep your apt clean? The messy roommate seems like a moocher. Get rid of her!!!

    Jun 13, 2008 at 6:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Jais

    How much of a slob must Katelyn be to elicit a note like this though?

    If I were Sam, I would have left no note, and seen whether Katelyn can look after herself when she knows there’s nobody there to do it for her. Then if I came back to a putrid mess, I’d have evidence right there for a huge aggressive rant… none of this PAN stuff!

    Jul 1, 2008 at 1:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Jesse

    Well thats the most rediculous reaction Ive ever heard of.

    Jul 14, 2008 at 3:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   “so if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that’d be great.”

    [...] oh sweetie, i love it when you talk dirty! extra credit: TPS report cover sheet digg_skin = ‘compact’; reddit!   stumble [...]

    Jul 24, 2008 at 12:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   erin

    aww, how sweet.

    it reminds me of the notes my mom would leave me back in high school.

    Aug 16, 2008 at 12:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   the sink half-empty | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes

    [...] related: oh sweetie, i love it when you talk dirty! [...]

    Sep 4, 2008 at 9:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   best

    Thats right.

    Sep 17, 2008 at 12:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   best

    thank you.

    Sep 17, 2008 at 1:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   premium

    I feel the same.

    Sep 26, 2008 at 7:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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