writes an anonymous submitter in peterborough, ontario: “this past year my roommates and i had a stranger rent the extra room in our house, and he turned out to be a socially oblivious slob we spent the entire year picking up after.” as frustrating as the situation was, his roommate andrew can’t seem to fully distance himself from his inborn canadian niceness, even in this final send-off.
related: 2 good 2 be 4gotten
116 responses so far ↓
#1
Canthz_B
Doing dishes in the back bathroom?
That’s a novelty.
You know things have gotten bad when your kitchen sink privileges are revoked!
Jun 12, 2008 at 7:57 pm rating: +3
#2
just me
first! ohhh I had to do it after: (but if you feel the urge to post “first!” — resist.)
see what PA’s do to one?
why are there dishes in the bathroom??? Does he make his salad while he showers?
Jun 12, 2008 at 7:57 pm rating: 0
#3
zombieBlanco
Perhaps the problem was that in the past Steve had only been cleaning frivolously?
Jun 12, 2008 at 7:57 pm rating: +7
#4
just me
damn you Canthz_B ruined my first and first bathroom comment
Jun 12, 2008 at 7:58 pm rating: 0
#5
Brian
Odds that the guy did any of those things … nil.
Jun 12, 2008 at 8:00 pm rating: +4
#6
Michael
Gotta be nice to someone who still has a key to your house! Good call by the Canuck.
Jun 12, 2008 at 8:05 pm rating: +5
#7
Mishee
I saw a note like this one time, it started:
Cinderella…
We will be out late since we are going to the King’s Ball, this is what we want done….
WTF?
Jun 12, 2008 at 8:08 pm rating: +3
#8
ErikaBlare
It appears there is a note written on the back side of this letter. PAN readers demand to know!
Jun 12, 2008 at 8:24 pm rating: 0
#9
secondsout
Clean the upper back fridge? How many fridges do these guys have? It would seem that at least nine are stacked together, like on Hollywood Squares. Don’t worry about cleaning the other eight, just make sure the upper back fridge is cleaned out. That’s the one where the salmon rotted, and it smells like a dead whore.
Jun 12, 2008 at 8:27 pm rating: +11
#10
ErikaBlare
PAN writers should learn to not split infinitives.
Jun 12, 2008 at 8:39 pm rating: +4
#11
se
Steve should leave the key in the oldest foulest thing in the refrigerator.
maybe the year old mac and cheese.
Jun 12, 2008 at 9:25 pm rating: 0
#12
John in IL
I love how Andrew is so grossed out by Steve, his upper back fridge and his bathroom dishes that he took the time to draw that purple force field around Steve’s name. You wouldn’t want any of that nasty Steve to get on your PAN.
Jun 12, 2008 at 9:45 pm rating: +26
#13
TuesdayPillow
Bathroom dishes? That’s a GREAT idea!
Jun 12, 2008 at 10:12 pm rating: 0
#14
cre8tivewmn
I’m so confused. What was this supposed to say?
“Seriously, dude, clean the fridge….” or “No f*ing around this time, really clean the fridge…”
Now, about the upper back fridge (and assuming they don’t have 9 of them). Do they divide the fridge into quadrants, or is he talking about cleaning the outside in an area previously missed?
The rest is no better. Can he just get the dishes from the bathroom and wash them in the kitchen sink? Why would you leave keys on the stairs?
The note finishes with a classic good wish, to negate all the micromanaging that has gone on before, or perhaps just to say something that made sense after all the confusing verbiage.
Jun 12, 2008 at 10:44 pm rating: +5
#15
Quite Contrary
STEVE. SERIOUSLY, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN “BETTER” IF YOU HADN’T HAD THE MONGOLIAN BBQ POTLUCK, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE BACK BATHROOM IS NOW SEVERELY “BACKLOGGED” FROM ALL THE GIRLS “THROWING UP.” UNFORTUNATELY, CASEY IN HUMAN RESOURCES IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND, SO SHE CAN’T HELP. YOU REALLY NEED TO CLEAN IT ALL UP AND GET THE “F” OUT OF HERE. THX, SANDRA.
Jun 12, 2008 at 10:58 pm rating: +19
#16
bellabeastie
To: Seriously Steve -
I’m not effin around this time. The nasty dishes left in – well, wherever you left them – 2 places – am I am counting. Clean up your shit, and leave a number, because I am sick of you and will hunt you down. Be sure you leave your room nicey-nice.
Oh, and the keys go on the stairs. Thank you.
From: Good Luck Next Year Andrew
Jun 12, 2008 at 11:16 pm rating: +6
#17
Bikerbabee
Katelyn obviously told them about the other roomate Sam and how she freaks out when the kitchen sink is not clean. This is why all the boys do the dishes in the bathroom.
–This has nothing to do with the post but after lurking for several weeks and reading all the regular posters, I got up the courage to try my luck on the scooter post. Thanks for all your thumbs up. Great welcome and you all sound like it would be one hell of a keger if we all got together.
Jun 12, 2008 at 11:27 pm rating: +3
#18
bellabeastie
Rock On BB — same as me . Well sorta. Bellabestie… Bikerbabee…..
Welcome.
Luuuv from the B-grrrllzzz
Just wait ’til U meet RB & Mishee.
Chicks Rule.
Jun 12, 2008 at 11:49 pm rating: 0
#19
Captain Quirk
Active aggressiveness and passive politeness?
Jun 13, 2008 at 12:22 am rating: 0
#20
paranoiagirl
“Leave your keys on the stairs with a phone contact # should I need for some reason to get a hold of you(r neck to throttle you for not cleaning. Seriously.)”
Jun 13, 2008 at 4:23 am rating: +2
#21
Neil
I am a Criminologist…and his writing style is indicative of a very unstable person….the frontward slants in addition to the the backward slanks in this persons writing is very unsettling…I truly hope the receiver of this note is okay….
handwriting typically in common writing style ,slants in one direction…the person writing this note slants front and back…I truly hope the recipient is okay!!!
Jun 13, 2008 at 5:01 am rating: +2
#22
gradytripp
Did he write this in blood?
Use a pen, Sideshow Bob.
Jun 13, 2008 at 8:16 am rating: +5
#23
claw71
Andrew:
I was going to clean the fridge but I quickly lost interest in the project. I’d apologize but I hate lying.
As for the dishes, I just threw them out…the window on top of your car. I don’t feel as though leaving the keys on the stairs is appropriate so I’ll be back to deliver them in person. I’m not sure if I’ll be leaving my foot in your ass with the keys but you should know that this is a possibility.
If you feel the need to contact me via phone you wont need a number. Just pick up the hand set and whack yourself in the face repeatedly until the handset breaks or you black out. This will save me the hassle of doing it myself if I ever hear your whiny, vaguely homosexual voice again.
One other thing you should know: I banged your mom when she came down homecoming weekend. Yeah, she’s a little chubby and doesn’t do much in the way of grooming but she let me watch Top Chef while I plugged her from behind on your bed.
Thanks, and go to hell next year.
—Steve
Jun 13, 2008 at 9:08 am rating: +21
#24
Bellabeastie
omg — Crying… That made me snort coffee out of my nose.
I’m gonna get fired, I swear. LOL
Jun 13, 2008 at 9:55 am rating: +1
#25
Dr. How
Seriously, how naïve is Andrew?
It seems Steve has been composting in his room all year long. He failed to control bacterial populations in his tier of fridge(s), and chooses to pile dishes in the bathroom, instead of bathing in it.
So our PAN writing hero leaves a note and heads out for the evening. I only hope he doesn’t forget to ask the cleaning fairy to come by and sprinkle magic dust on Steve.
The only thing he is going to find on the stairs is a steaming-fresh pile.
And some semen in the dishes.
Jun 13, 2008 at 10:10 am rating: +2
#26
shane
“After you wash the dishes in the bathroom, don’t forget to run the garbage disposal in the shower. Also, please use oven cleaner on the toilet to get the burnt grease stains off.”
Jun 13, 2008 at 11:18 am rating: +5
#27
Kenzie
I’ll add myself to the list of lurkers who’ve never before posted *dodges rotten vegetables*. I felt the need to speak up when I saw where the submitter was posting this from. I understand his plight. Having once resided in Peterborough for 2 years before transferring to another university to escape the crazy (I can only assume that these people are students, and if that’s the case, they llikely attend the same school I once did – Peterborough’s only so big), I can fully identify with Steve’s need for a good ol’ PAN. It must be something in the water – before you know it, people you once new to be perfectly sane have gone completely round the bend, and traded in their laptops for a vegan diet, hemp pants, misguided activism, and a complete inability to clean up after themselves.
Jun 13, 2008 at 1:16 pm rating: +2
#28
bluelanugo
“All this note needs is a little extra zing,” thought Andrew as he pulled a lavender crayon from the box…
Jun 13, 2008 at 2:08 pm rating: +10
#29
Joy
I had a boyfriend once who, before I started dating him, washed his dishes in the bathtub. He and his roommate would just use all the dishes until there weren’t any left, and then move them into the bathtub, pour Clorox on them, and run the shower.
I should have known better than to get involved with someone like that.
Jun 13, 2008 at 4:06 pm rating: +2
#30
Dr. How
Steve,
Good luck next year!
= ) Leave your keys on the stairs with a phone contact #. Beware my drunk dials! =)
Seriously _CLEAN_ the upper back fridge also any dishes downstairs. I’m usually the one to do this so I just wanted to be sure you knew that this is stuff that needs to be done. Thanks!
I will be back late tonight!
<3 Andrew
*PS Make sure you also do the dishes in the back bathroom.
Jun 13, 2008 at 4:15 pm rating: +1
#31
Canthz_B
Andrew,
Seriously tell me this is not the note for this whole weekend?!
–Steve
Jun 14, 2008 at 3:01 am rating: +2
#32
Canthz_B
Passive Aggressive Gays Gone Wild, only $19.95!!
Call now and get Scooter Chicks Loose It and Mongolian BBQ Bloopers at no extra charge!!!
Jun 14, 2008 at 4:40 am rating: +3
#33
Lurker
Don;t just clean it; clean it seriously. No writing dirty limericks with Soft Scrub this sime.
Jun 14, 2008 at 2:56 pm rating: +1
#34
madlib challenge!
(name)
Seriously (verb) the (direction) back (noun) also any (plural noun) downstairs and leave your (noun) in the condition you (verb) it in.
(Verb) your (noun) on the stairs with a (noun) should I (verb) for (adj) reason to get a hold of you.
I will be back (adj) (time). Also (verb) the (noun) in the (direction) (room name).
(common phrase) and (common phrase)
(Name)
Jun 14, 2008 at 6:15 pm rating: +3
#35
pilgrimchick
Yes, obviously a prime sign of a nice guy. The rest of us would have ripped the slob’s balls off and claimed it as part of the security deposit.
Jun 14, 2008 at 10:34 pm rating: 0
#36
Blaise
I’ve never heard of a guy telling another GUY what basically amounts to “Get your ass back in the kitchen”
Jun 15, 2008 at 4:21 pm rating: 0
#37
Phat girl
I’d rather mad lib claws #23 letter more than Andrews. That one might actually get used.
Jun 16, 2008 at 4:25 pm rating: 0
Leave a Comment