All your baristas are belong to us

June 17th, 2008 · 160 comments

Spotted by Weston in the back room of a Dallas Starbucks…the coffee chain’s recipe for the “keep-our-employees-locked-in-petty-arguments-so-they-won’t-unionize-accino”!

(Add one pump “disgruntled English Lit Ph.d.s” + one pump “functional illiterates”; shake well.)

Please do not put towels in unless they are ring out 1st thanks

related: An extra bold request

extra credit: Starbucks gossip

FILED UNDER: bathroom · group bitchfest · Say wha? · spelling and grammar police · Starbucks · towels · You call that a comeback?


160 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Mark bang

    Ugh, that wall color is horru/ible. Looks like a hospital. Or maybe a kitchen in 1960.

    Somebody set up us the bomb. It was probably D man. Or maybe the heisa monster.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   wright

      If that really is a kitchen from 1960, they had a helluva progressive management for the day, what with the sexual harassment policy.

      Of course, maybe Claw is (as usual) closer to the mark: sexual harassment policies in workplaces in the 60s were there to make sure it was done ‘right’…

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   secondsout bang

      Dammit, how did Claw get credit for my jokes? He hasn’t even touched this note yet.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   RunBarbara bang

      every time claw touches my note he leaves a wet spot.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   wright

      Apologies, secondsout.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Naomi

      Maybe the manager of Sol Food painted it.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 10:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   zchamu

    Hmm. Everyone jumped on “are they won’t take them” but nobody seemed to notice the “unless they are ‘rung’ out 1st.” Rungs are on ladders. Towels are wrung. Snark FAIL.

    Bonus points for getting the sexual harassment policy in the pic, though.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:03 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Mark bang

      It looks like someone corrected “rung” to “ring” as well. That’s just rong.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:07 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Canthz_B bang

      That’s entertainment!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   TuesdayPillow

      It’s actually “wrung”. Yes there is a “w” in there. If you have any questions, set us up the bomb with Casey in Human Resources.

      Jun 19, 2008 at 1:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   park rose bang

      How about “rong”, TP? I think Mark might have beaten you to the punch ;)

      Jun 19, 2008 at 4:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   TuesdayPillow

      Rong? Isn’t that code for a penis in Japanese or something?

      Jun 19, 2008 at 6:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   secondsout bang

    What they didn’t mention is that they’re putting these wet towels in the coffee machines. So when your coffee tastes a bit like a sweat sock, you know why.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   secondsout bang

    D Man – he’s always holding D people down.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:10 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    Are they losing their HS and college rings in the towel bin?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   orangetiki

    Who is this Towel Man? Is he a super hero?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   zchamu

      He isn’t a super hero, but he knows what D man told him.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:13 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Mishee bang

      The Towel Man hangs out on the sidelines… an unsung hero… with his faithful sidekick, The Waterboy…

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:07 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   riot

      an unrung hero…

      Jun 22, 2008 at 11:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Quite Contrary

    They’re just pissy because they had to clean the bathrooms which were all messed up from the massive drug use. God knows what is on those towels.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   morpho aurora bang

    “are they want take them”
    that’s just pitiful
    who’s D-man?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Canthz_B bang

      So much for our experiment in spelling phonetically.
      That just won’t work in some regions of the “countreh”!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   fantasy bang

      D Man is the smart one!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Canthz_B bang

      “First you speekee plopa Engrish, then I spellee plopa Engrish.
      Dom Texas Clackas!”

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:29 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   WhyAren'tUDeadYet

      Holy fuck. How in the fuck is this idiot still here and still getting his harem to vote him into the green with comments as disgusting as the one he posted here? Are there really this many fucked-up twats registered on this site? My thought is that this dolt has registered himself 15 times and just votes for his own pathetic shit. I stopped reading this site about 3 months ago because he is so annoying but saw my bookmark tonight and thought I would pop ’round to see if he finally got tired of reading his own idiotic crap. Guess not. So I’ll check back again in 3 months or so. What a bunch of losers you are, whoever is voting for his disgusting and racist comments – which seem kind of ironic coming from a black man from NJ. Get a fucking grip, people.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:18 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   the harem

      Perhaps you could just skip the ‘checking back’ part?

      Seriously, please don’t come back.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:23 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   WhyAren'tUDeadYet

      Perhaps you could just blow it out your ass?

      Seriously, please go fuck a duck.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   the harem

      yawns

      we’ll really miss you when you go back to whatever slime pit you crawled out of

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:29 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   ErikaBlare bang

      Oh hi there! This particular loser pathetic twat voted for this comment.

      So :ppppbbbllllhhhh!

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   WhyAren'tUDeadYet

      applauds@ the harem

      Wow. How witty. Pretending to be bored and yet you just can’t help responding over and over and over and….

      Yup. It’s easy to see why you find that piece of shit witty. Yet another internet site taken over by the lowest-common denominator. What a shame.

      What on earth will you come up with next? I am all a’twitter waiting…

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.10   WhyAren'tUDeadYet

      Not something to be crowing about, Erika. Your momma must be so proud of you.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.11   ErikaBlare bang

      As must yours.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:36 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.12   the harem

      “Yet another internet site taken over by the lowest-common denominator.”

      lowest-common denominator = whyaren’tudeadyet

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:36 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.13   WhyAren'tUDeadYet

      Wow, Erika. What an amazing comeback. Are you rubber and I am glue, too? I bow to your superior sparring skills.

      *sigh*

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.14   WhyAren'tUDeadYet

      Well, “harem”, at least I have no illusions remaining as to why you find that piece of shit funny. To wit: you’re a fucking moron.

      This isn’t even a challenge. At least if you had put up a decent fight, maybe, but …. see ya.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.15   Crash bang

      WhyAren’tUDeadYet ??

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:41 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.16   WhyAren'tUDeadYet

      Crash?

      See? I can do it too. Anyone with an IQ over 30 want to join in?

      ….

      Didn’t think so.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.17   ErikaBlare bang

      I think someone needs a hug.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:46 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.18   Crash bang

      Wow…You’re so smart !!
      Teach me how to spell Crash !!
      With your IQ over 30.
      You must be a quantum physics expert :roll:

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.19   Mishee bang

      Damn, I can’t believe I missed the fun!

      Erika, I seriously agree that someone needs an Advocacy Hug…

      I didn’t particularly laugh at CB’s joke at first (the Retard Bus had me giggling for hours though… well done my friend!)…

      I just don’t understand why you are so butt-hurt over not getting plussed… just cause people like CB and what he has to say, doesn’t mean that you should lash out at him. Apparently HE fits in here, and you should just go find a new blog to go torture the people who frequent it…

      and as for the racist comment, I think if anyone has the right to be racist, it would be a black man from New Jersey! (double whammy!)

      So take my advice, click on your bookmarks, right click over “passiveaggressivenotes.com” and select “delete” from the menu that pops up. Then empty your recycle bin for good measure.

      I have a feeling we will all be a little happier.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.20   unholyghost2003 bang

      “Then empty your recycle bin for good measure.” made me giggle out loud!

      Jun 18, 2008 at 11:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.21   RunBarbara bang

      So, who is the bigger retard? Those of us that have fun posting here, passing our work days, making some stupid sex jokes…or the people that actually take the time to write rants about it?
      Your comments will totally get us all to rethink our obsession with PAN, with CB and with sexually harassing each other on our gay little HQ. Bravo. Youve changed lives today, WhyDontU.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.22   Mishee bang

      you find our sex jokes stupid??

      *sobbing uncontrollably*

      Jun 18, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.23   PandoraWombat bang

      I’m no expert, but maybe WhyDont was just in a drunken stopper?

      Aug 3, 2008 at 9:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Quite Contrary

    I know what D Man told me too. He thinks these people are effin crazy.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   secondsout bang

    I just want to read the poster about sexual harassment. Is it a tutorial poster? I want to make sure I’m doing it right.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:15 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   morpho aurora bang

      sout – you’re doing it right – rb says so :)

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   secondsout bang

      Well, if anyone’s an expert on sexual harassment, it’s RB.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   fantasy bang

      2nds don’t worry, you will learn with age.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   ErikaBlare bang

      Rule #1: Nothing says “Good work!” like an open hand slap on the ass.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:49 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   secondsout bang

      Rule #2: Nice tits = highly qualified to hire.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:51 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   Quite Contrary

      Rule #3: Nothing wrong with copping a feel when coworker is leaning over your shoulder.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   RunBarbara bang

      sout, if you really have questions about sexual harassment you are more than welcome to meet me at a hotel around the corner from my office. i find learning is always done best on one’s knees….
      see you in a few hours?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   secondsout bang

      Rule #4: Raises are dependent on employee’s stance on putting out.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.9   RunBarbara bang

      You bet your sweet ass.
      Rule #5: Time off requests and bathroom keys will only be given after oral favors have been completed. This includes holidays and having to “go real bad”.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:17 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.10   Mishee bang

      But what if I have a “big job”? Oral favors could possibly hurry the process along… then there would be a mess…

      I mean, I’ve heard people actually like rainbow showers, but I’ve never met anyone so willing to get one until now!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.11   RunBarbara bang

      Team Blumpkin!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   marissa

    A+ for the title PAN

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:22 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   secondsout bang

    “How about U dont make sense”

    How about you learn the magic of complete words, apostrophes, and a question mark?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:28 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Quite Contrary

      And your position on ellipses is?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Kev Orng

      dot dot dot!

      Jun 18, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Quite Contrary

      * sigh.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 10:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   zombieBlanco bang

    reason # 2 -to avoid Starbucks: disgruntled, lazy, illiterate employees

    reason # 1 -shitty coffee

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:29 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   ErikaBlare bang

      “Friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks.”

      Team Independent Coffee Shop!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:46 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Total Douche bang

      reason 1.1 -shitty coffee that’s $10.95 for a 3 ounce cup.

      Jun 19, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   fantasy bang

    Is that how the male of the species writes a P/A Note? All arrows and clouds?

    Not one smiley or heart. ♥

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   ALA bang

      No rocket penises. No use of multiple colors. Someone is just a PAN slacker.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 8:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   secondsout bang

    So what does it say that the foreign guy with the limited grasp of English is somehow higher up the managerial ladder than all the people correcting his grammar?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   secondsout bang

      And before I just plagiarize the Onion, like I did on the last note, here’s a link to an article that reflects on this point.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   amazon bang

      Our local Vons supermarket employs a few developmentally disabled people as checkers and baggers (one even has a prosthetic arm), and they are the best damn checkers and baggers ever! They actually put the cold stuff together, and don’t put a loaf of bread under a gallon of milk, etc.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   fantasy bang

      Developmentally disabled are born without a superior attitude and have spent their time learning more than your average Starbucks employee.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:17 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   RunBarbara bang

      There is a DD employee at the Vons by my place. He is hysterical, a very hard worker and he is only too delighted to shout: “IM WEETODIT!!! YOU WAN PAPAH OR PLASTIK?”
      I dont know who told him it was okay to say that, and I dont know if I will ever stop finding the line he is working on purpose, but damn it, I love that kid!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   Mishee bang

      And people were surprised that Forrest Gump was so good in the Army…

      “Now for some reason I fit in the army like one of them round pegs. It’s not really hard. You just make your bed real neat and remember to stand up straight and always answer every question with ‘Yes, drill sergeant.’”

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   Canthz_B bang

      The Developmentally Disabled are the ones on the “Retard Bus”, right?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   RunBarbara bang

      licking the windows and playing with their nuts….

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   Mishee bang

      I hope none of them are allergic!

      It’s just amazing, the Snozberries taste like Snozberries!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   RunBarbara bang

      snozberries? who ever heard of a snozberry?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.10   Canthz_B bang

      Is that a booger from Mr. Planters Peanuts’ nose?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.11   Mishee bang

      Maybe Capt’n Crunch?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.12   Canthz_B bang

      I think I remember that one.. Google it, Mish.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.13   RunBarbara bang

      capt’n crunch had crunchberries.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.14   Canthz_B bang

      No…I’m thinking of the Crunchberry beast!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.15   Canthz_B bang

      jinx, RB! :-D

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.16   Mishee bang

      *sigh*

      It was an extension of the snot joke CB made…

      I guess I have lost my touch. I was suggesting the Capt’n instead of Mr. Peanut…

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.17   RunBarbara bang

      are you gonna pinch me or what, cb?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.18   Canthz_B bang

      You had a touch, Mishee?! :-D

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.19   Canthz_B bang

      just looking for a free spot there, RB.
      You seem to have been pinched like a ripe peach around here lately! LOL

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.20   RunBarbara bang

      oh, dont worry cb, im just a fad.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.21   Mishee bang

      Just ask RB about my touch

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.22   Canthz_B bang

      Oh! That’s a ‘d’…whew, RB!! :-P

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.23   RunBarbara bang

      im the wrong person to ask, mishee. i got a rash the size of a dinner plate after you touched me.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.24   Canthz_B bang

      You know, sometimes they spray that stuff with periquat, Mishee! LOL

      Better have that looked at by a doctor, RB!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.25   Mishee bang

      well, next time don’t insist on using the hot candle wax. I told you it would leave a mark!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.26   RunBarbara bang

      i guess i couldnt feel the sizzling pain after all of that amyl nitrate and boxed wine….

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.27   Canthz_B bang

      Don’t know what you girls are up to now. I always use amyl nitrite.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.28   Mishee bang

      not like I could do anything – you had me in the bodysuit with the zipper mouth… I couldn’t even say the safe word if I had remembered it!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.29   WhyAren'tUDeadYet

      Yawn. Don’t you morons have a forum for posting your stupid-ass comments? Why do you insist on adding hundreds of inane bullshit comments on every fucking thread? Isn’t the troublemakers area enough to keep you busy? Holy fuck, what a life you must lead. Losers.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.30   fantasy bang

      Who the fuck do you think you are? The president of Starbucks?

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:32 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.31   WhyAren'tUDeadYet

      Duh….huh? This would be so much easier if you only said things that actually made sense. And especially if you said them on the sex chat thread you people so jealously guard. But hey – whatever floats your boat, sweetheart.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.32   fantasy bang

      Well sweetheart, I don’t go for the sex chat thing but if I was going to be in anyones Harem it would be the man of the “Night Train” Crash! ♥

      With Love, Everyone’s fantasy ♥

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:55 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.33   Crash bang

      :oops: 8) ;) :D

      Jun 18, 2008 at 2:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.34   secondsout bang

      “Don’t you morons have a forum for posting your stupid-ass comments?”

      Yes, we do. It’s located at http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com. I enjoy posting my stupid-ass comments there on a regular basis.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 12:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    If the towels are that bad they need a policy on consent, not sexual harassment. :-P

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   RunBarbara bang

      they also need rubber gloves and clothes pins….but that could just go back to a sexual harassment policy.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    Since when does Starbucks “Frappuccino” Coffee care about proper terminology?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   se

    We have a new super hero duo
    Katoya and towel man

    their slogan could be down, down and away

    Jun 17, 2008 at 7:51 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Total Douche bang

      Who the fuck names their kid Katoya?

      Jun 19, 2008 at 10:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   fantasy bang

    Keep your order simple just go to the barista and say,

    “I Can Has Cheezburger?”

    That’s right, they sell coffee don’t they?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Canthz_B bang

      No coffee! Pepsi!!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Quite Contrary

      And chips!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   vivitop

    “are they want take them”

    WTF???? Does Sandra works at Starbuck too?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Jimmy Straightline

    D-man to coffee-jockey: would you please add a line to my note, saying “Or they won’t take them”

    Coffee-jockey: done!

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   RunBarbara bang

    For once, this is a note that I sympathize with. Having worked for years at The ‘Buck I can vouch for how trifling and nasty those towels get if they arent wrung out. The towel people (not Arabs) only come once every two weeks so they have to deal with these sweating, stinky, soiled-milk towels rotting in canvass bags. And these arent your average designer hand towels, either.
    Team Rinse The Fucking Towels!

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:14 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   zombieBlanco bang

      reason #3…

      *wtf -Starbucks can’t afford daily/weekly laundry service?*

      Jun 17, 2008 at 11:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Fnnkybutt bang

      Maybe if they used some nice decoration towels the employees would take better care of them.

      Jun 19, 2008 at 9:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Cady

      “The towel people (not Arabs) …”

      Hahahahahahahaha!

      Jun 20, 2008 at 4:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Sheepish bang

    so, i’m not pretentious enough to only go to Starbucks for coffee but i’m also not a self-righteous hippy who can only buy coffee grown organically and served by some mom and pop coffee shop. i do both and enjoy both.

    that said i would like to make a comment on how it seems pretty nasty that the ‘baristas’ use that same nasty towel over and over again to wipe that steamer nozzle that goes in the milk that i’m going to drink. i’ve never had the pleasure of being a coffee-jockey so maybe i’m missing something about the process.

    i’m on team iced coffee… yumm!

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   RunBarbara bang

      you dont use the same towel for that long. you make buckets of sanitized water that you test with little PH strips. then you take a towel from the bucket, use it for a little while, throw it in the dirty pile and get a new clean towel. you change the bucket every couple of hours. i guess i worked at a remarkably clean store- but even so, those towels get funky like an ass filled with salt and cream cheese. they sit in the backroom for about two weeks before the towel man comes to take the dirties and leave the cleans.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   se

      You know that those baristas keep 2 towels for wiping that nozzle. One kept wrung out and somewhat clean for the good tippers and one not wrung out for the customers that don’t tip.

      Or, maybe rinsed and wrung out in the toilet…

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   Mishee bang

      Only when the barista is in a bad mood due to dirty bathrooms though.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   RunBarbara bang

      i just use to lick the rim of the cups or stick my finger in the drink while i was making it.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   Sheepish bang

      hold up! PH strips?
      so the towels are soaked in sanitized water that relies on someone dipping a PH strip to make sure it’s still working?
      that’s something i didn’t know before.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.6   RunBarbara bang

      its just to make sure that there are the proper levels of sanitizer in there. i dont know if its precisely a PH strip, but its some kind of new-fangled technology that says “yessir, this is some clean water”.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.7   Jahzzie

      no worries, it’s a PH strip, a lot of chain establishments use them.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.8   Shane

      That Ass with Cream Cheese and salt was Fucking del…… oh wait. that doesn’t fly anymore……please NOT THE UNITARD!!!!

      Jun 19, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   fantasy bang

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHUAAg1xSg4

    Put da towels inda bucket rinse them all up’

    You put the towels in the bucket ring dem all together wooo woo!

    are they want take

    put da towel in da bucket ring thim all up

    I say D man, are they want to gonna take

    whoo whooooo I say D man is dar nothin they are take.

    Let me get this straight

    ya put da towels inda bucket swish dem around

    ring dem in da mornin whoo whooooo whhoooo

    see if they are take

    I say D man is der nuthin else ta do I say whoo whoooo.

    I say D man I be a manager sooooon,

    I are take your job an see are you want take it

    whoo whooooo, no correction will I take D Man

    see ya in da mornin, see if dis want to take

    Yes, I got a bellyache…..

    I said Doctor, Why did I go to this crazy place

    Doctor, remove my bellyache. yyeeaaa

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:42 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   ErikaBlare bang

      Fantasy, that was beautiful! PAN has been long overdue for a good ol’ musical parody. Plus I friggin’ LOVE that song. :)

      Jun 17, 2008 at 11:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Olivia bang

    Aw! Poor Katoya and his/her crappy English. :(

    I must say, though, I side with the “That doesn’t make sense!” writer. Olivia always sides with proper English. ;)

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   hungrygrrl

    “Or they won’t take them”???

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Cricket

    coming soon to your local Cineplex:

    The Adventures of Katoya & Towel Man, Episode One: “Are They Want Take Them”

    Jun 17, 2008 at 10:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   snee

    what? no one? okay.

    that towels are fucking delicious!

    Jun 17, 2008 at 10:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   ErikaBlare bang

    God, I just now realized our pitiful writer was trying to say Or they won’t take them. Where the hell is the spelling police when you need them???

    Jun 17, 2008 at 11:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Quite Contrary

      How many of you often get confused are upset when Sandra want shut up about her damn potlucks?

      Jun 18, 2008 at 12:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   bob

      Spell checker wouldn’t help

      Jun 18, 2008 at 9:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Lori Ann

    RunBarbara:

    The bags holding the towels were made of CANVAS. (tightly-woven cloth) Police canvaSS a neighborhood, looking for suspects. :)

    Jun 18, 2008 at 12:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Dr. How bang

    List in pee-pole,

    Hive red den oat, hand eye doughnut sea widthy probe lemmings. Tits purr factory ledge-a-bull. Goat back tusk cool, tri-great won, reed in gamed right aim.

    Bun shove more ahnks.

    Jun 18, 2008 at 12:47 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Crash bang

      Dude !!

      You had to be the one who wrote the note…right ??

      The grammar is pretty close.
      Anyway…

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Jahzzie

      Litsten people,
      I’ve read the note, and I don’t see what the problem is. It’s perfectly ledgable. Go back to school, try grade one. Read in……. DAMNIT, I can’t get the last part!!!!
      OMG, my brain hurts now. This was almost as bad when I was a copy checker for The Pennysaver in Pgh. My all time favorite was when a woman was looking to sell an older but still working VCR. the ad read
      “High-Five, forehead VCR for sale, $5.”
      My co-workers thought I finally lost my mind when I couldn’t stop laughing.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 1:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   get figgy with it

      …go back to school, try grade one …reading …

      bunch of morons ? (last part)

      can’t get the part after grade one either- something about reading.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 6:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   Dr. How bang

      …reading and writing.

      I actually had to get out of bed to write that damn thing, just couldn’t stop thinking about it. That’s what I get for checking this site before going to sleep. Need to leave it alone ’till the morning, with a coffee. ;)

      Jun 18, 2008 at 8:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   park rose bang

      How now, Dr. How .

      Well, it wouldn’t have been as pertinent if you hadn’t penned it when you did.

      Tell us, is the last ‘a bunch of moronks’?

      Must know.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 8:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   ian in hamburg

    Forget the crap english sign, I want to read what Starbucks has to say about sexual harassment

    Jun 18, 2008 at 5:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Jeffrey

      Hmm…read previous comments much?

      New content: will the I Quit Reading This Site Because You’re All Bastards and It’s Still True technique ever really work? What is the goal of said trolling?

      Jun 18, 2008 at 8:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   Mishee bang

      ian – Then Google it… it took me about 3 seconds…

      http://www.starbucks.com/aboutus/US_English_full_kit.pdf

      Jun 18, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Jsmoke

    We have to remember where this note was found. Trust me, in Dallas, TX this note would make sense to the locals. Except for the dedicated employees of this Starbuck’s it seems.

    Jun 18, 2008 at 6:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   paranoiagirl bang

      As a Dallas local, I must say ewe r sew rong.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 4:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   harmonicpies bang

      Me to. Ah cant fig your out wet yawl has a gains us Texans. Jell us, Ah speck.

      Jun 18, 2008 at 10:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.3   Shane

      Texan is just another way of saying the “Chosen Ones”.

      We might speak with a drawl, but we don’t write with one.

      Jun 19, 2008 at 5:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.4   Mishee bang

      Chosen by Lucifer…

      like my cats.

      Jun 19, 2008 at 5:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.5   Canthz_B bang

      #33.3: Yes, that’s why I’m moving to Jasper…NOT!!!

      Jun 19, 2008 at 6:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.6   Mishee bang

      There’s a reason I reside in Tennessee….

      Only one good thing ever came out of Texas (no, not the Dixie Chicks) – and I’d like to refer to my friends for the answer to that one….

      Jun 19, 2008 at 6:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.7   Canthz_B bang

      What are all of the good Texans, Alex?

      They’ve all left Texas.

      Jun 19, 2008 at 6:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Phalange

    Do we have to wring (ring?rung?rang?) out the decorative bathroom towels as well?

    Jun 18, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   claw71 bang

    Wear eye cum from that note makes perfect cents. Wee ring are towels bee for they go in the hamper. Their are people out they’re who don’t care about throwing whet towels in the hamper butt you never see them when its time to scrub the moled.

    Of coarse, it is polite to start a note with a salutation like “Deer ______”.

    Jun 18, 2008 at 10:09 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   claw71 bang

    You know it’s time to stop commenting when people mistake you for claw71.

    Jun 18, 2008 at 5:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Mishee bang

      actually claw, I think people are mistaken for being you because you are getting a little soft

      I swear I haven’t heard an offending, racist, sexist, animalist rant out of you in at LEAST a month (I think the last time was when we were talking about Mexicans… my favorite subject)…

      You’re losing your edge man. Getting comfortable in your reign at the top… but sout is giving you a run for your money… DO SOMETHING!!! :D :D

      I still have undying, murderous (*gives icy stare to all who wait in “The Line”*) love for you… no matter what. That is why I had to tell you the truth!

      Jun 18, 2008 at 5:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   Canthz_B bang

    I resemble that remark, claw!
    After reading what went on last night I’ve learned my lesson. I’m never going to darken these halls again! :-|

    Jun 18, 2008 at 5:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Weston

    That note drove me crazy for weeks before I had to comment…”Are they want take them” wtf.

    Jun 18, 2008 at 8:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   french roast black, with a dash of deference | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes

    [...] the logo on this breakroom note, nikki in fresno doesn’t work at starbucks. (she just wishes she [...]

    Aug 26, 2008 at 6:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   it’s pat

    [...] all your baristas are belong to us extra credit: [...]

    Nov 5, 2008 at 11:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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