spotted by weston in the backroom of a dallas starbucks: the coffee chain’s recipe for the “keep-our-employees-locked-in-petty-arguments-so-they-won’t-unionize-accino”!
(add one pump “disgruntled english lit ph.d.s” + one pump “functional illiterates”; shake well.)
related: an extra bold request
extra credit: starbucks gossip
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FILED UNDER: bathroom · group bitchfest · say wha? · spelling and grammar police · starbucks · towels · you call that a comeback?
— Wade
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160 responses so far ↓
#1
Mark
Ugh, that wall color is horru/ible. Looks like a hospital. Or maybe a kitchen in 1960.
Somebody set up us the bomb. It was probably D man. Or maybe the heisa monster.
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:00 pm rating: +1
#2
zchamu
Hmm. Everyone jumped on “are they won’t take them” but nobody seemed to notice the “unless they are ‘rung’ out 1st.” Rungs are on ladders. Towels are wrung. Snark FAIL.
Bonus points for getting the sexual harassment policy in the pic, though.
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:03 pm rating: +16
#3
secondsout
What they didn’t mention is that they’re putting these wet towels in the coffee machines. So when your coffee tastes a bit like a sweat sock, you know why.
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:08 pm rating: +1
#4
secondsout
D Man – he’s always holding D people down.
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:10 pm rating: +20
#5
Canthz_B
Are they losing their HS and college rings in the towel bin?
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:10 pm rating: +1
#6
orangetiki
Who is this Towel Man? Is he a super hero?
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:11 pm rating: +2
#7
Quite Contrary
They’re just pissy because they had to clean the bathrooms which were all messed up from the massive drug use. God knows what is on those towels.
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:13 pm rating: +1
#8
morpho aurora
“are they want take them”
that’s just pitiful
who’s D-man?
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:14 pm rating: 0
#9
Quite Contrary
I know what D Man told me too. He thinks these people are effin crazy.
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:15 pm rating: +1
#10
secondsout
I just want to read the poster about sexual harassment. Is it a tutorial poster? I want to make sure I’m doing it right.
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:15 pm rating: +14
#11
marissa
A+ for the title PAN
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:22 pm rating: +7
#12
secondsout
“How about U dont make sense”
How about you learn the magic of complete words, apostrophes, and a question mark?
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:28 pm rating: +8
#13
zombieBlanco
reason # 2 -to avoid Starbucks: disgruntled, lazy, illiterate employees
reason # 1 -shitty coffee
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:29 pm rating: +8
#14
fantasy
Is that how the male of the species writes a P/A Note? All arrows and clouds?
Not one smiley or heart. ♥
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:29 pm rating: +4
#15
secondsout
So what does it say that the foreign guy with the limited grasp of English is somehow higher up the managerial ladder than all the people correcting his grammar?
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:31 pm rating: +8
#16
Canthz_B
If the towels are that bad they need a policy on consent, not sexual harassment.
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:37 pm rating: 0
#17
Canthz_B
Since when does Starbucks “Frappuccino” Coffee care about proper terminology?
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:51 pm rating: +1
#18
se
We have a new super hero duo
Katoya and towel man
their slogan could be down, down and away
Jun 17, 2008 at 7:51 pm rating: +9
#19
fantasy
Keep your order simple just go to the barista and say,
“I Can Has Cheezburger?”
That’s right, they sell coffee don’t they?
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm rating: +7
#20
vivitop
“are they want take them”
WTF???? Does Sandra works at Starbuck too?
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:06 pm rating: +2
#21
Jimmy Straightline
D-man to coffee-jockey: would you please add a line to my note, saying “Or they won’t take them”
Coffee-jockey: done!
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:09 pm rating: +6
#22
RunBarbara
For once, this is a note that I sympathize with. Having worked for years at The ‘Buck I can vouch for how trifling and nasty those towels get if they arent wrung out. The towel people (not Arabs) only come once every two weeks so they have to deal with these sweating, stinky, soiled-milk towels rotting in canvass bags. And these arent your average designer hand towels, either.
Team Rinse The Fucking Towels!
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:14 pm rating: +13
#23
Sheepish
so, i’m not pretentious enough to only go to Starbucks for coffee but i’m also not a self-righteous hippy who can only buy coffee grown organically and served by some mom and pop coffee shop. i do both and enjoy both.
that said i would like to make a comment on how it seems pretty nasty that the ‘baristas’ use that same nasty towel over and over again to wipe that steamer nozzle that goes in the milk that i’m going to drink. i’ve never had the pleasure of being a coffee-jockey so maybe i’m missing something about the process.
i’m on team iced coffee… yumm!
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:25 pm rating: 0
#24
fantasy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHUAAg1xSg4
Put da towels inda bucket rinse them all up’
You put the towels in the bucket ring dem all together wooo woo!
are they want take
put da towel in da bucket ring thim all up
I say D man, are they want to gonna take
whoo whooooo I say D man is dar nothin they are take.
Let me get this straight
ya put da towels inda bucket swish dem around
ring dem in da mornin whoo whooooo whhoooo
see if they are take
I say D man is der nuthin else ta do I say whoo whoooo.
I say D man I be a manager sooooon,
I are take your job an see are you want take it
whoo whooooo, no correction will I take D Man
see ya in da mornin, see if dis want to take
Yes, I got a bellyache…..
I said Doctor, Why did I go to this crazy place
Doctor, remove my bellyache. yyeeaaa
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:42 pm rating: +17
#25
Olivia
Aw! Poor Katoya and his/her crappy English.
I must say, though, I side with the “That doesn’t make sense!” writer. Olivia always sides with proper English.
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:46 pm rating: +1
#26
hungrygrrl
“Or they won’t take them”???
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:48 pm rating: +3
#27
Cricket
coming soon to your local Cineplex:
The Adventures of Katoya & Towel Man, Episode One: “Are They Want Take Them”
Jun 17, 2008 at 10:02 pm rating: +1
#28
snee
what? no one? okay.
that towels are fucking delicious!
Jun 17, 2008 at 10:37 pm rating: +4
#29
ErikaBlare
God, I just now realized our pitiful writer was trying to say Or they won’t take them. Where the hell is the spelling police when you need them???
Jun 17, 2008 at 11:23 pm rating: +2
#30
Lori Ann
RunBarbara:
The bags holding the towels were made of CANVAS. (tightly-woven cloth) Police canvaSS a neighborhood, looking for suspects.
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:16 am rating: +2
#31
Dr. How
List in pee-pole,
Hive red den oat, hand eye doughnut sea widthy probe lemmings. Tits purr factory ledge-a-bull. Goat back tusk cool, tri-great won, reed in gamed right aim.
Bun shove more ahnks.
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:47 am rating: +11
#32
ian in hamburg
Forget the crap english sign, I want to read what Starbucks has to say about sexual harassment
Jun 18, 2008 at 5:34 am rating: 0
#33
Jsmoke
We have to remember where this note was found. Trust me, in Dallas, TX this note would make sense to the locals. Except for the dedicated employees of this Starbuck’s it seems.
Jun 18, 2008 at 6:14 am rating: +1
#34
Phalange
Do we have to wring (ring?rung?rang?) out the decorative bathroom towels as well?
Jun 18, 2008 at 9:32 am rating: 0
#35
claw71
Wear eye cum from that note makes perfect cents. Wee ring are towels bee for they go in the hamper. Their are people out they’re who don’t care about throwing whet towels in the hamper butt you never see them when its time to scrub the moled.
Of coarse, it is polite to start a note with a salutation like “Deer ______”.
Jun 18, 2008 at 10:09 am rating: +5
#36
claw71
You know it’s time to stop commenting when people mistake you for claw71.
Jun 18, 2008 at 5:04 pm rating: +1
#37
Canthz_B
I resemble that remark, claw!
After reading what went on last night I’ve learned my lesson. I’m never going to darken these halls again!
Jun 18, 2008 at 5:49 pm rating: +1
#38
Weston
That note drove me crazy for weeks before I had to comment…”Are they want take them” wtf.
Jun 18, 2008 at 8:42 pm rating: +1
#39 french roast black, with a dash of deference | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes
[...] the logo on this breakroom note, nikki in fresno doesn’t work at starbucks. (she just wishes she [...]
Aug 26, 2008 at 6:20 pm rating: 0
#40 it’s pat
[...] all your baristas are belong to us extra credit: [...]
Nov 5, 2008 at 11:22 pm rating: 0
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