while waiting for the coffee maker to do its job, nickster2000 wandered over to the university notice board, where this musician-wanted ad caught his eye. he’s not a drummer, but says he considered ringing them up anyway. “i really need to know what was so bad about graham.”
related: i used to be your biggest fan
extra credit: katlama on myspace
This post is favorited by 0 registered users
FILED UNDER: band · birmingham · u.k. · university
— Kris
"customer service" "helpful" advice a little patronizing actions speak louder actually totally reasonable all-staff e-mail anthropomorphism art austin australia bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach boston brooklyn bullet points california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe confusion??? crazypants d.c. die bitch die dishes dogs e-mail ellipses-crazed ex drama excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family florida food frenemies fridge garbage gloriously redundant group bitchfest guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene illinois irregular capitalization jersey jesus kids kitchen landlord laundry london los angeles martyr complex massachusetts mean girls meta michigan microwave moms & dads money more aggressive than passive music neighbors new york noise north carolina not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh no you didn't oh snap old folks ontario opening/closing p.s. parking piss pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell rhetorical question roommates saga san diego san francisco sarcasm say wha? seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley smoking spelling and grammar police stealing temperature texas thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting toilet toronto touching u.k. university unnecessary "quotation marks" virginia visual aids water whiteboard wtf? you call that punctuation?
104 responses so far ↓
#1
zombieBlanco
Graham thought his style of air drumming would be much appreciated by the members of Katlama, but apparently it was not meant to be. If only his regular gigging kit had not been at the cleaners the fateful day of the first audition.
Jun 17, 2008 at 12:46 am rating: +23
#2
Ashley
Graham told them their band name sucked.
Jun 17, 2008 at 1:04 am rating: +37
#3
What?
Their MySpace page shows that each member has a nickname: ‘Kat’, ‘Pink’, ‘Rolling’, etc.
Graham didn’t like his nickname: ‘The Cracker’
Jun 17, 2008 at 1:38 am rating: +54
#4
Canthz_B
It must be difficult to snare a good drummer!
*don’t hit subm
Jun 17, 2008 at 1:48 am rating: +42
#5
Tanya
that’s amazing
Jun 17, 2008 at 1:57 am rating: +1
#6
G.Pat
Graham died in a bizarre gardening accident…
Authorities said… best leave it… unsolved.
PS: love the title!
Jun 17, 2008 at 2:43 am rating: +8
#7
César
hahahaha, EXCEPT GRAHAM.
So, who else hates the music?
Jun 17, 2008 at 3:12 am rating: +2
#8
TuesdayPillow
Graham had one arm.
Jun 17, 2008 at 3:17 am rating: +9
#9
Cricket
downloads or free cd for serious candidates…because that’s the only way you’ll willingly listen to our music.
many styles will be played…except for the style Graham likes. fuck that guy.
Jun 17, 2008 at 3:57 am rating: +18
#10
Jsmoke
Why do I fell like I’m taking an eye exam when I read that flier.
Jun 17, 2008 at 5:32 am rating: +15
#11
Ambie
I think you felled the eye exam.
Jun 17, 2008 at 6:18 am rating: +19
#12
toni
Awww poor Graham. His MC Hammer moves must not have impressed the band.
Jun 17, 2008 at 6:35 am rating: +2
#13
Captain Quirk
I know a one-armed drummer and he’s really good. His name’s not Graham, though.
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:12 am rating: 0
#14
RALPHY
After suffering mild rejection in the coffee shop, Graham noticed the ultimate humulation on his way out, his former band had bannished him from their applicants list. Completely disheartened, he decided to accept the position as lead drummer with the little known foreign band Chicago, just to see how it went.
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:44 am rating: +4
#15
LeishBlog
Graham will never rock this town again. Such a waste of talent.
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:49 am rating: +1
#16
GhostWriter
As the ancient Incan priests gathered around the idol, in hopes of improving this year’s maize harvest, they heard an unearthly voice- the idol was speaking to them:
Katlama – - – Require – - – Drummer!!
“Hmmm,” said the high priest (who didn’t speak English).
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:53 am rating: +6
#17
claw71
After listening to Katlama’s playlist on MySpace I can confidently say that no matter how bad Graham was on the skins he was the least of this bands worries.
If you can imagine post Natalie Merchant 10,000 Maniacs covering Lorretta Lynn that’s what Katlama sounds like.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to stab my ear drums with paper clips.
Jun 17, 2008 at 8:56 am rating: +9
#18
Mishee
It looks as though Graham started to rip off one of the phone number tags… and then he saw that he wasn’t able to re-apply for the position.
Head hung in shame, he walks back to his dorm and decides drumming isn’t for him… what he really wants to do is dance!
Jun 17, 2008 at 9:10 am rating: +14
#19
Sheepish
Maybe when Graham brought in his ‘Rock Band’ drum set and asked where the red, blue , green and yellow lights were to follow along they realized that he may not be what they’re looking for.
Jun 17, 2008 at 9:13 am rating: +17
#20
Dr. How
Relations in the band degenerated quickly after he put his foot down. Graham had enough of paying for all the drugs.
Jun 17, 2008 at 9:29 am rating: +8
#21
Nickster2000
I am loving this thread!
Jun 17, 2008 at 9:36 am rating: 0
#22
Bev
My mother might have liked this band.
Graham should be thanking his lucky stars he didn’t get to audition.
Jun 17, 2008 at 9:47 am rating: 0
#23
se
Their MySpace page shows they use rotating cast of drum- mers, saxophonists, flautists…
What the hell is a flautist?
Jun 17, 2008 at 9:58 am rating: 0
#24
Mishee
Soooo, who here is gonna be the one to send them a MySpace message with a link to this page?
Jun 17, 2008 at 10:12 am rating: 0
#25
claw71
Graham was a good drummer but his bluegrass-inspired vibe didn’t fit with Katlama’s Susan Vega-meets-The Cure theme.
Graham is now working with Kid Rock’s former DJ on a country album. It was rough going at first but Graham gets first billing in the act. Still I’d have gone with something a little less cheeky than Graham Kracker.
Jun 17, 2008 at 10:17 am rating: +12
#26
Sheepish
I was going to mention something about how Graham probably banged the lead singer (pun intended) and then broke her heart somehow. But I looked on their MySpace page and saw the scrolling pictures of the band, that lead singer is nasty! She’ll never make it in the ‘biz’, if you’re not a knockout your music better rock-out.
Jun 17, 2008 at 11:06 am rating: +2
#27
freedomcows007
I can’t even concentrate on the “Except Graham”. I’m hung up on the “regular gigging”. Is this an actual verb? The only context I’ve ever heard it in (unfortunately) is “gigging frogs” and I have no idea what that meant because as soon as it came up I realized that this was a conversation I wanted no part of…
Jun 17, 2008 at 11:07 am rating: +5
#28
Bikerbabee
Ok, I will be the one to say it;
that Graham was fucking delicious!
Jun 17, 2008 at 11:25 am rating: 0
#29
TC
I think the problem was that Graham kept doing his big jobs all over the drum kit. The whole fucking “gigging” room ended up smelling like Mongolia barbeque.
“How in the hell can we practice playing You Outta Know with these stupid paper hats on!”
Jun 17, 2008 at 12:04 pm rating: +12
#30
Quite Contrary
Poor Graham. Last I heard, he took this rejection really hard and was last seen going on tirades about pre-paid legal services and identity theft being a serious crime.
Jun 17, 2008 at 12:16 pm rating: +6
#31
claw71
This is why I hate MySpace. Before the internet idiots with bad taste were scattered to the four corners. A lousy band had to tour for years before they could unite them all. That’s why it took KISS so long to find recording success.Seriously people, from a purely musical perspective KISS sucks).
Now these dorks get on and friend themselves into moderate popularity. Record companies see a couple hundred downloads and figure they can cash in. That’s why we have garbage like Natasha Bedingfield Dude, if this tartlet writes another song qabout not being able to write a song I think I’m going to kill myself, Flyleaf, Colby Calait and Dane Cook. Yes, I know he’s not a musician but he’s not much of a comic either .
Now we have Katlama, a droning mishmash of weak musical flirtations influenced by the goofy playlists of people who spend way too much time personalizing their MySpace pages. I wonder if the number of hits their site gets from PAN will land them a record deal. Keep your eyes open for them on the top 20 countdown.
Jun 17, 2008 at 1:43 pm rating: +13
#32
Ryan
ALL DRUMMERS (EXCEPT GRAHAM) WILL BE INVITED TO THE MONGOLIAN POTLUCK SUPPER. PLEASE BE ON TIME.
THX SANDRA
Jun 17, 2008 at 1:53 pm rating: +20
#33
secondsout
This is the sort of thing you see someone like Cartman doing. I watched an episode recently where he says something like, “if we don’t get out of this alive, I just want you to know, I love you guys. Except Kyle.”
Similarly, when Homer Simpson was asked which was the true religion, he replied, “Well, not the Unitarians. If that’s the one true faith, I’ll eat my hat.”
I should really watch fewer cartoons, I think.
Jun 17, 2008 at 2:27 pm rating: +1
#34
Phat girl
I really have no idea why, but when I saw the pan I automatically started reading it in an indian (from India) accent. I guess it was the strange verb usage. But when you read it like that it actually sounds better. (or at least funnier)
Jun 17, 2008 at 3:15 pm rating: +1
#35
Kev Orng
Hey, what’s the difference between Graham and a Drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
7,000 drummer jokes on the internet and that’s the best I can do.
What’s the difference between Graham and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.
What do you call a drummer who’s just been dumped by his girlfriend?
Homeless!
Jun 17, 2008 at 3:52 pm rating: +3
#36
PassionateZephyr
Wow, I think you guys have said just about everything, but boy, that music is just GD awful!
Jun 17, 2008 at 9:30 pm rating: +1
#37
Army of Douche-ness aka the Doucheface Killa
When I myspace friended Katlama, I asked about Graham and here’s what I got back:
“Well, he couldn’t keep time very well (which is paramount for a drummer), wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the box, but worst was the fact that he left us in the lurch about 10 mins before our biggest gig at the time because “all the people scared him”, so he packed up his drums and left, never to be seen again…thankfully..”
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:20 pm rating: +9
#38
Kat
Yes he was . and he was also very VERY scared of festival people.
Jun 22, 2008 at 5:20 pm rating: +1
#39 graham, this means you
[...] bizarre pardoning accident digg_skin = ‘compact’; reddit! stumble it! function fbs_click() { [...]
Jul 6, 2008 at 9:13 pm rating: 0
#40
kat
I have Graham’s kit…..am I hired?
oh and……what’s the first thing a drummer says when he gets to his gig?….”D’you want fries with that?”
Jul 7, 2008 at 1:17 am rating: +1
#41 especially deborah | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes
[...] related: bizarre pardoning accident [...]
Aug 17, 2008 at 7:13 pm rating: 0
#42
kryztyne
Maybe Graham was later found out to be the neighb who didn’t want to hear squeaking bed springs…
Feb 6, 2009 at 10:44 pm rating: 0
#43
COURTNEY
Hahaha that is amazing.
Jun 15, 2009 at 1:31 pm rating: 0
Leave a Comment