bizarre pardoning accident

June 17th, 2008 · 102 comments

while waiting for the coffee maker to do its job, nickster2000 wandered over to the university notice board, where this musician-wanted ad caught his eye. he’s not a drummer, but says he considered ringing them up anyway. “i really need to know what was so bad about graham.”

except graham

related: i used to be your biggest fan
extra credit: katlama on myspace

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FILED UNDER: band · birmingham · u.k. · university



102 responses so far ↓

  • #1   zombieBlanco

    Graham thought his style of air drumming would be much appreciated by the members of Katlama, but apparently it was not meant to be. If only his regular gigging kit had not been at the cleaners the fateful day of the first audition.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 12:46 am   rating: +13  

     
  • #2   Ashley

    Graham told them their band name sucked.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 1:04 am   rating: +20  

    • #2.1   reece

      Graham was told that he sucked harder than his mother.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 1:11 am   rating: +3  

       
    • #2.2   Emma

      Suck it, Graham.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:51 am   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #3   What?

    Their MySpace page shows that each member has a nickname: ‘Kat’, ‘Pink’, ‘Rolling’, etc.

    Graham didn’t like his nickname: ‘The Cracker’

    Jun 17, 2008 at 1:38 am   rating: +37  

    • #3.1   Joe

      Looks like Trevor “The Trevonator” passed the audition.

      But really? “The Trevonator”? They couldn’t get anything better than that? (Trevor “The Vampire“, maybe?)

      EDIT: Oh, upon reading their “About Katlama” section, I realized Trevor joined in ‘06. So he must have quit. Can’t blame him. Trevonator. How lame.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:23 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #3.2   Total Douche

      …and the “Sounds Like” section should actually read, “Sounds Like: Every band in the world, taking a shit together, on the same stage, at the same time.”

      Jun 19, 2008 at 7:57 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #4   Canthz_B

    It must be difficult to snare a good drummer!

    *don’t hit subm

    Jun 17, 2008 at 1:48 am   rating: +31  

    • #4.1   Total Douche

      You’d be surprised.

      Jun 19, 2008 at 7:59 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #5   Tanya

    that’s amazing

    Jun 17, 2008 at 1:57 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #6   G.Pat

    Graham died in a bizarre gardening accident…

    Authorities said… best leave it… unsolved.

    PS: love the title!

    Jun 17, 2008 at 2:43 am   rating: +6  

    • #6.1   Sarah

      Pfft. Everyone knows Graham died in a blogging accident.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 2:54 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #6.2   zombieBlanco

      Pfft. It’s obvious he died in a bizarre choking to death on someone else’s vomit accident.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 11:12 am   rating: +5  

       
    • #6.3   mere

      but you can’t really dust for vomit. :pfft:

      Jun 17, 2008 at 2:28 pm   rating: +1  

       
     
  • #7   César

    hahahaha, EXCEPT GRAHAM.

    So, who else hates the music?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 3:12 am   rating: +1  

    • #7.1   Total Douche

      Seriously, they suck out loud.

      Jun 19, 2008 at 7:42 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #8   TuesdayPillow

    Graham had one arm.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 3:17 am   rating: +6  

    • #8.1   Emma

      And Parkinson’s.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 7:53 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #8.2   Crash

      #8, So did this guy,

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p0z1y5mg_E

      8)

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:19 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #8.3   TuesdayPillow

      Before I YouTube, I’m sure you’re sending me to a Def Leppard video and I’m not sure I want to venture into screaming 80’s today …

      Jun 17, 2008 at 4:58 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #8.4   Mishee

      Crash isn’t that kind of guy…

      Now, if I had posted the link, then you might have something to worry about!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 5:45 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #8.5   secondsout

      Oh, BS, Crash isn’t that kind of guy. Crash would most definitely, and did, post a Def Leppard link.

      Which reminds me of one of my favorite jokes - What has seven arms and sucks?
      Def Leppard!

      Jun 17, 2008 at 5:55 pm   rating: +2  

       
     
  • #9   Cricket

    downloads or free cd for serious candidates…because that’s the only way you’ll willingly listen to our music.

    many styles will be played…except for the style Graham likes. fuck that guy.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 3:57 am   rating: +13  

     
  • #10   Jsmoke

    Why do I fell like I’m taking an eye exam when I read that flier.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 5:32 am   rating: +10  

     
  • #11   Ambie

    I think you felled the eye exam.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 6:18 am   rating: +13  

    • #11.1   Joe

      Tiiiiimberrrrr! :)

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:18 am   rating: +19  

       
    • #11.2   Jsmoke

      That’s what I get for posting when I’m three sheets to the wind I guess.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 6:27 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #11.3   Quite Contrary

      At 5:32 in the morning?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 6:29 pm   rating: +1  

       
    • #11.4   Jsmoke

      Yeah I get off work at 1:00 am

      Jun 17, 2008 at 6:31 pm   rating: 0  

       
    • #11.5   Jsmoke

      The time is Eastern Standard time too, I’m in the Pacific Time Zone. So I was stinko around 2:30am if that makes it a little more acceptable to you. My motto “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere”

      Jun 17, 2008 at 6:42 pm   rating: +4  

       
    • #11.6   Quite Contrary

      I’m just jealous.

      And I always thought that “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere” meant pm. Silly me.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 6:55 pm   rating: +3  

       
     
  • #12   toni

    Awww poor Graham. His MC Hammer moves must not have impressed the band.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 6:35 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #13   Captain Quirk

    I know a one-armed drummer and he’s really good. His name’s not Graham, though.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:12 am   rating: 0  

    • #13.1   GhostWriter

      I know a drummer with one arm not named Graham.

      However, his other arm is named Graham.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 8:47 am   rating: +25  

       
    • #13.2   Mishee

      Wow, that was an awesome Mary Poppins reference.

      Do you enjoy watching Disney movies GW? :D

      Jun 17, 2008 at 9:05 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #13.3   GhostWriter

      Everything has been crap since Tron.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: +10  

       
     
  • #14   RALPHY

    After suffering mild rejection in the coffee shop, Graham noticed the ultimate humulation on his way out, his former band had bannished him from their applicants list. Completely disheartened, he decided to accept the position as lead drummer with the little known foreign band Chicago, just to see how it went.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:44 am   rating: +3  

     
  • #15   LeishBlog

    Graham will never rock this town again. Such a waste of talent.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:49 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #16   GhostWriter

    As the ancient Incan priests gathered around the idol, in hopes of improving this year’s maize harvest, they heard an unearthly voice- the idol was speaking to them:

    Katlama - - - Require - - - Drummer!!

    “Hmmm,” said the high priest (who didn’t speak English).

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:53 am   rating: +3  

    • #16.1   Dr. How

      Katlama Shakti De! Katlama Shakti De!

      *pulls out heart*

      Jun 17, 2008 at 11:42 am   rating: +9  

       
    • #16.2   HolyHamstersBatman

      Nice Indiana Jones reference..

      Nov 21, 2008 at 2:27 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #17   claw71

    After listening to Katlama’s playlist on MySpace I can confidently say that no matter how bad Graham was on the skins he was the least of this bands worries.

    If you can imagine post Natalie Merchant 10,000 Maniacs covering Lorretta Lynn that’s what Katlama sounds like.

    Now if you’ll excuse me I need to stab my ear drums with paper clips.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 8:56 am   rating: +7  

    • #17.1   prairielily

      I listened for less than ten seconds, and I have a headache now.

      Maybe they all got tired of Graham holding them back by saying that they’d maxed out on shittiness and it was so bad that he felt like he was living in the shower or a dressing room.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 6:11 pm   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #18   Mishee

    It looks as though Graham started to rip off one of the phone number tags… and then he saw that he wasn’t able to re-apply for the position.

    Head hung in shame, he walks back to his dorm and decides drumming isn’t for him… what he really wants to do is dance!

    Jun 17, 2008 at 9:10 am   rating: +14  

     
  • #19   Sheepish

    Maybe when Graham brought in his ‘Rock Band’ drum set and asked where the red, blue , green and yellow lights were to follow along they realized that he may not be what they’re looking for.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 9:13 am   rating: +15  

     
  • #20   Dr. How

    Relations in the band degenerated quickly after he put his foot down. Graham had enough of paying for all the drugs.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 9:29 am   rating: +8  

     
  • #21   Nickster2000

    I am loving this thread!

    Jun 17, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #22   Bev

    My mother might have liked this band.

    Graham should be thanking his lucky stars he didn’t get to audition.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 9:47 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #23   se

    Their MySpace page shows they use rotating cast of drum- mers, saxophonists, flautists…
    What the hell is a flautist?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: 0  

    • #23.1   claw71

      Oh, flautists…flutes. I thought they were looking for flatulists. I sent them an email and some clips of my work. I bet they call me anyway because their music is crap.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 10:07 am   rating: +23  

       
    • #23.2   Kelly

      A person who plays the flute.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 10:12 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #23.3   Mishee

      claw is world renowned skin flautist.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 10:13 am   rating: +2  

       
    • #23.4   claw71

      So what do you call somebody who makes flautas?

      QUE SE DICE?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: +1  

       
    • #23.5   RunBarbara

      An illegal immigrant line cook at Chevys?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 10:38 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #23.6   Mishee

      Hey Chevy’s is an upstanding company and place of employment that does NOT employ illegal immigrants.

      It’s Applebee’s that does.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 10:57 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #23.7   se

      Mishee, re: #23.3
      I think you actually meant renowned skin flauntist.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 11:11 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #23.8   RunBarbara

      well, he does like to display the python quite a lot….

      Jun 17, 2008 at 11:15 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #23.9   Mishee

      he flaunts and then flauts…

      Jun 17, 2008 at 11:31 am   rating: 0  

       
    • #23.10   Kev Orng

      Claw, isn’t a QUE SE DICE someone who makes Quesadillas?

      Jun 17, 2008 at 2:48 pm   rating: +3  

       
    • #23.11   fuchsiagirl

      flutist? flautist = someone who flaunts his flutes?

      Jun 18, 2008 at 6:23 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #24   Mishee

    Soooo, who here is gonna be the one to send them a MySpace message with a link to this page?

    Jun 17, 2008 at 10:12 am   rating: 0  

    • #24.1   se

      I sent them a link to this page. hope they come look.

      Jun 17, 2008 at 11:09 am   rating: +3  

       
     
  • #25   claw71

    Graham was a good drummer but his bluegrass-inspired vibe didn’t fit with Katlama’s Susan Vega-meets-The Cure theme.

    Graham is now working with Kid Rock’s former DJ on a country album. It was rough going at first but Graham gets first billing in the act. Still I’d have gone with something a little less cheeky than Graham Kracker.

    Jun 17, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: +10