three things your health teacher didn’t tell you about herpes

June 18th, 2008 · 106 comments

(a passiveaggressivenotes.com public disservice announcement)

1. from portland, oregon…

2. from williamsburg, virginia…

3. from miami, florida…

related: come get some
extra credit: herpes: it’s got new york by the balls [nymag.com]

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FILED UNDER: FYI · miami · not-so-veiled threats · now that's not true · portland · roommates · smiley · starbucks · stealing · university · virginia · warning · whiteboard · williamsburg

106 responses so far ↓

#1 zombieBlanco

herpes! the gift that keeps on giving.

Jun 18, 2008 at 11:52 am rating: +7

reply to this comment
- #1.1 pistola
  
  Q. what’s the best thing about herpes?
  
  A. you can only get it once.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 7:27 pm rating: 0
- #1.2 leigh
  
  Technically that’s not true. You can reinfect yourself or be reinfected in new areas… plus Simplex I and II are different… so you could have it on your junk and later get it on your mouth or visa versa.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 4:57 pm rating: +2
- #1.3 amazon
  
  http://xkcd.com/386/
  
  (I kid! I kid!)
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 5:14 pm rating: 0
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#2 RunBarbara

Thx Brad is the distant cousin to Thx Sandra.

Jun 18, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: +12

reply to this comment
- #2.1 zombieBlanco
  
  I totally read that as B Rad. So much cooler than Brad, even if he does have herpes.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 11:56 am rating: +19
- #2.2 RunBarbara
  
  SO DID I !! But then I realized that it was Brad and back edited.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 11:56 am rating: 0
- #2.3 Mishee
  
  You guys apparently both watch too much “Malibu’s Most Wanted”
  
  “I’m the shiznit!”
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:41 pm rating: +1
- #2.4 potterspoet
  
  Hi guys- i’ve been lurking for a while, but i do have to say, i think it IS THX B Rad. otherwise he would have capitalized the A and D or not capitalized the r. plus, B Rad is totally an awesome way to sign off, right?
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 3:11 pm rating: +1
- #2.5 Mishee
  
  My big brother used to do “T Roy”
  
  Weirdo.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 3:16 pm rating: 0
- #2.6 potterspoet
  
  ha. i suppose. i still like B Rad better.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 3:22 pm rating: 0
- #2.7 djr
  
  Maybe the writer is trying to say that “Thanks are rad”
  
  Because being thanked is pretty rad.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 5:50 pm rating: +7
- #2.8 potterspoet
  
  this is true.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 5:54 pm rating: +1
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#3 zombieBlanco

p.s. will soon be publishing my book: 101 reasons to avoid starbucks

Jun 18, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: +8

reply to this comment
- #3.1 RunBarbara
  
  This is a Miami Starbucks- I think it may be it’s own entitiy. I heard that in Miami you can get herpes just from sitting on a bar stool. I mean, they do vomit in the urinals….
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 11:56 am rating: +3
- #3.2 Vivitop
  
  I hope those urinals can handle big jobs!
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 8:57 am rating: +1
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#4 Joe

The dishes comment is definitely PA amusing, but I must say I heartily approve of the other two!

Jun 18, 2008 at 11:56 am rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #4.1 fantasy
  
  *Starbucks*
  “WhyAren’tUDeadYet!”
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm rating: +8
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#5 unholyghost2003

I suppose stealing Ice cream COULD give you herpes if the owner of the ice cream has open mouth sores and was licking the container moments before YOU lick the container. Doesn’t that say more about the owner of the ice cream than the thief though? Quit wasting your money on pricey ice cream and buy some condoms bitch!

Jun 18, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: +7

reply to this comment
- #5.1 RunBarbara
  
  or atleast a dental dam!
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:10 pm rating: +8
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#6 Canthz_B

Yes, you too can remain herpes-free if you fill your car with dirty dishes rather than leaving them in your sink!

Jun 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
- #6.1 RunBarbara
  
  is there a medical code for getting herpes from taking a bath in a tub filled with dirty dishes?
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:03 pm rating: 0
- #6.2 Canthz_B
  
  054.10 = genital herpes
  302.81 = sexual fetishism
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:09 pm rating: +13
- #6.3 amazon
  
  There’s a code for sexual fetishism?? That’s awesome!
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 7:43 pm rating: 0
- #6.4 Canthz_B
  
  I’ll never understand why they listed it under mental disorders, amazon!
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 8:08 pm rating: 0
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#7 Mishee

This post doesn’t help me pin down where I got herpes…

oh wait, RunBarbara… that’s right… nevermind…

Jun 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #7.1 RunBarbara
  
  why don’t you ask your husband where I got it from…
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: +15
- #7.2 Mishee
  
  I think we all know that Mr. Mishee is just a figment of my imagination! You may be able to get herpes from a sink of dirty dishes; but an imaginary man?? Hmmm…
  
  I am actually not sure who I got it from, either YOU or YOUR MOM…
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm rating: +1
- #7.3 secondsout
  
  I defer to Tom Lehrer to answer this question.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:41 pm rating: +4
- #7.4 amazon
  
  Classic ^^
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 7:46 pm rating: 0
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#8 unholyghost2003

what note 3 doesn’t tell you is that “Starbucks” is the name of the “working girl” around the corner. Just a public service announcement from her pimp to let the regulars know she is having an outbreak.

Jun 18, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: +23

reply to this comment
- #8.1 zombieBlanco
  
  apparently his day job is being a general to surgeons
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: +4
- #8.2 unholyghost2003
  
  Oh that is just his street name, kinda like Huggy Bear.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:10 pm rating: +1
- #8.3 Mishee
  
  or Graham Kracker?
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:12 pm rating: 0
- #8.4 RunBarbara
  
  she got the name after a night with claw, something about his great white whale……
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:12 pm rating: 0
- #8.5 Canthz_B
  
  Nice catch. I hadn’t noticed the apostrophe.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: 0
- #8.6 djr
  
  “Nice catch”
  
  *snickers uncontrollably*
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 5:53 pm rating: +1
- #8.7 amazon
  
  Or maybe she’s an intergalactic fighter pilot!
  
  Anyone? Anyone?
  
  *Frack* I’m such a nerd!
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 7:50 pm rating: +2
- #8.8 zombieBlanco
  
  Kara would beat the *frack* out of you for even suggesting she has an std. What the *frack*?
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 1:17 am rating: +1
- #8.9 amazon
  
  mmm… promise, ZB?
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:35 am rating: 0
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#9 fantasy

This is just one big “Herpes” extravaganza!

“From coast to coast, with Art Bell!”

Jun 18, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #9.1 Mishee
  
  I actually think that “Herpes” is a HILAROUS sounding word…
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 12:06 pm rating: +1
- #9.2 fantasy
  
  I like HILARIOUS extravaganza= extravagina, HILARIOUS!
  
  Herpes too of course.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:08 pm rating: +1
- #9.3 RunBarbara
  
  if i had an extra vagina i would save so much money on purse shopping.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:16 pm rating: +12
- #9.4 Mishee
  
  if I had an extra vagina RB and Mr. Mishee wouldn’t have to get violent fighting over me anymore…
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:21 pm rating: +1
- #9.5 RunBarbara
  
  if you had an extra vagina your mom would finally stop calling me.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:29 pm rating: +4
- #9.6 unholyghost2003
  
  I have one, but it is full of olive oil.
  .
  .
  .
  wait, that is extra VIRGIN
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:30 pm rating: +6
- #9.7 RunBarbara
  
  are you using it as a deep fryer? cause i have a hankering for some onion rings.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:34 pm rating: +1
- #9.8 Mishee
  
  MY MOM?
  
  You don’t even WANT to know how many whenever minutes YOUR MOTHER uses to call me!
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:34 pm rating: +2
- #9.9 RALPHY
  
  9.4 If you had an extra vagina, you could retire in half the time, but wouldn’t be a life of luxury-And if you had an artifical eye to take out-income would triple. Then when the john left, you could say”Hurry back, I’ll keep an eye out for you.”
  CRAP-there I go stirring the turd again.
  I love you Mishee
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 2:21 pm rating: +2
- #9.10 Canthz_B
  
  You already have one.
  I like to call it North Vagina.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 2:28 pm rating: +2
- #9.11 Mark
  
  “I don’t want to hit a sore spot, but can we talk about herpes?
  Herpes herpes, bo-berpes, banana, fana fo-ferpes — her-pes.
  Ow!
  Hey: that spot on Gorbachev’s head — herpes, trust me!
  Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh?”
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 2:39 pm rating: +3
- #9.12 RunBarbara
  
  Ralphy, if you had any vagina, at all, even a plastic pocket one, you probably wouldnt come in here so much and insult Mishee.
  Actually, Im quite certain that you have a creepy little crush on her and, much like boys in 4th grade, don’t know how to express your feelings, so you resort to insults. Getting kicked in the shins during dodgeball and eyesocket fucking stopped being sexy a long time ago.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 3:14 pm rating: +3
- #9.13 Mishee
  
  I heart u RB.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 3:18 pm rating: 0
- #9.14 Canthz_B
  
  No “me-my-mo-merpies”?
  Sacrilege!
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 3:38 pm rating: +5
- #9.15 Mark
  
  (it’s a quote from Krusty in the gambling episode of The Simpsons)
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 3:59 pm rating: +1
- #9.16 Mishee
  
  Mark - you are still giving me faith in Humanity.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 4:00 pm rating: +1
- #9.17 Canthz_B
  
  Long before Bart was born there was a song by Shirley Ellis called “The Name Game”.
  Krusty was using the song.
  
  Sorry, I didn’t mean for my “Sacrilege” comment to seem like an attack, I just thought everyone knew the song.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 4:13 pm rating: +1
- #9.18 Mark
  
  Oh, I know the song.
  
  Chuck!
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 4:13 pm rating: 0
- #9.19 Canthz_B
  
  LOL…That was on the adult release! ROTFL
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 4:20 pm rating: 0
- #9.20 djr
  
  If *I* had an extra vagina, I wouldn’t need a girlfriend!
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 5:57 pm rating: 0
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#10 Canthz_B

“Stealing ice cream gives you herpes” if you use it to pay a crack-whore.

Jun 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #10.1 Mishee
  
  Or RB apparently…
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:33 pm rating: +1
- #10.2 RunBarbara
  
  i dont accept ice cream as a form of payment…you of all people should know that.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:36 pm rating: +1
- #10.3 Mishee
  
  Well shit, I am sorry, I guess I don’t make the distinction between Ice Cream and Sorbet like you do then!
  
  (zB will be happy to know that RB does take visa, mastercard, amex (NO DISCOVER), and Sorbet)
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 1:38 pm rating: +1
- #10.4 zombieBlanco
  
  Yesterday one of the property maintenance guys said he ‘owed me a free hedge job’.
  
  Yeah right, like I’m going to let anyone but RB trim my hedges.
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 2:21 pm rating: +1
- #10.5 RunBarbara
  
  zombie, i’d be glad to give you a hedge job anytime. unfortunately, it wont be free but im sure we can figure out a down payment….
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 2:52 pm rating: +1
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#11 Joe

Note #1? Yeah, I think that’s just what Brad told his naive girlfriend after he passed it on. “I swear, sweety, you must have gotten them from those dirty dishes in the sink.”

Avoid the blame, AND get her to clean up the place? Double-win!

Jun 18, 2008 at 12:10 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #11.1 amazon
  
  Crap! I have a sink FULL of dirty dishes. Time to go get the Valtrex prescription refilled…
  
  Jun 18, 2008 at 8:00 pm rating: +1
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#12 TandA

I had no idea one could contract herpes in so many ways! Yikes!

Jun 18, 2008 at 12:34 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
#13 xenylamine

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

three things your health teacher didn’t tell you about herpes

June 18th, 2008 · 106 comments

106 responses so far ↓