(a passiveaggressivenotes.com public disservice announcement)
1. from portland, oregon…
2. from williamsburg, virginia…
3. from miami, florida…
related: come get some
extra credit: herpes: it’s got new york by the balls [nymag.com]
three things your health teacher didn’t tell you about herpes
June 18th, 2008 · 109 comments
FILED UNDER: FYI · miami · not-so-veiled threats · now that's not true · portland · roommates · smiley · starbucks · stealing · university · virginia · warning · whiteboard · williamsburg
109 responses so far ↓
#1
zombieBlanco
herpes! the gift that keeps on giving.
Jun 18, 2008 at 11:52 am rating: +7
#2
RunBarbara
Thx Brad is the distant cousin to Thx Sandra.
Jun 18, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: +13
#3
zombieBlanco
p.s. will soon be publishing my book: 101 reasons to avoid starbucks
Jun 18, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: +9
#4
Joe
The dishes comment is definitely PA amusing, but I must say I heartily approve of the other two!
Jun 18, 2008 at 11:56 am rating: +1
#5
unholyghost2003
I suppose stealing Ice cream COULD give you herpes if the owner of the ice cream has open mouth sores and was licking the container moments before YOU lick the container. Doesn’t that say more about the owner of the ice cream than the thief though? Quit wasting your money on pricey ice cream and buy some condoms bitch!
Jun 18, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: +7
#6
Canthz_B
Yes, you too can remain herpes-free if you fill your car with dirty dishes rather than leaving them in your sink!
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm rating: +4
#7
Mishee
This post doesn’t help me pin down where I got herpes…
oh wait, RunBarbara… that’s right… nevermind…
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm rating: +2
#8
unholyghost2003
what note 3 doesn’t tell you is that “Starbucks” is the name of the “working girl” around the corner. Just a public service announcement from her pimp to let the regulars know she is having an outbreak.
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: +24
#9
fantasy
This is just one big “Herpes” extravaganza!
“From coast to coast, with Art Bell!”
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:02 pm rating: 0
#10
Canthz_B
“Stealing ice cream gives you herpes” if you use it to pay a crack-whore.
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm rating: +2
#11
Joe
Note #1? Yeah, I think that’s just what Brad told his naive girlfriend after he passed it on. “I swear, sweety, you must have gotten them from those dirty dishes in the sink.”
Avoid the blame, AND get her to clean up the place? Double-win!
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:10 pm rating: +3
#12
TandA
I had no idea one could contract herpes in so many ways! Yikes!
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:34 pm rating: +2
#13
xenylamine
Whew, good thing I avoid Starbucks as fastidiously as I avoid stealing ice cream and leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Or in the car.
Is it just me, or is the
on the end of the second note absurdly hilarious?
ETA: Stupid auto-smiley. :/
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:39 pm rating: +1
#14
secondsout
So what if you already have herpes? Can you steal ice cream with no other consequences?
Not that I have herpes, but, um, damn, I’ve said too much already.
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:44 pm rating: +10
#15
fantasy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXnM8SiUs7I
A Big Hunk ‘O Love
Elvis Presley
Hey baby, I ain’t askin’ much of you
No no no no no no no no baby, I ain’t askin’ much of you
Just a big-a big-a hunk o’ ice cream will do
Don’t be a stingy little mama
You’re ’bout to starve me half to death
Well you can spare a starbucks and still have herpes left, yo, yo, yo,
Baby, I ain’t askin’ much of you
Just a big-a big-a Cuppa Latte will do
You’re just a natural born beehive
Filled with herpes in and out
Well I ain’t greedy baby
All I want is all you got,herpes yo, yo, yo,
Baby, I ain’t askin’ much of you
Just a big-a big-a hunk o’ ice cream will do
I got herpes in my pocket
I got a rash ’round my wrist
You know I’d have all the things that Herpes is bound to bring
If you’d give me just one sweet kiss, no no no no no no no
Baby, I ain’t askin’ much of you
Just a big-a big-a hunk o’ herpes will do
I really wanted to do this to a “Hunka, Hunka, Burning Love” Just couldn’t get it!
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:51 pm rating: +4
#16
se
Wow, I thought maybe that you would have to eat the ice cream to catch the herpes, but I was mistaken. You only need to steal it…
I wonder if a certain brand or flavor makes it easier to catch herpes?
Jun 18, 2008 at 1:12 pm rating: 0
#17
RandyinReno
No mention of herpes being spread by dirty dishes in the bathroom. Probably safe…
Jun 18, 2008 at 1:13 pm rating: +1
#18
Mishee
I wonder what Note#3 means by entering Starbucks now… like, now as in “nowadays” or now as in, RIGHT THIS INSTANT…?
‘Cause if I just wait 5 minutes to enter, I should safe from the Herpes, right?
Jun 18, 2008 at 1:28 pm rating: 0
#19
Cricket
“stealing ice cream gives you herpes”
you TELLING me that makes me think YOU have herpes, which makes ME wanna TELL all our friends.
Jun 18, 2008 at 1:32 pm rating: +4
#20
Cricket
it’s a sequel
The Adventures of Katoya & Towel Man, Episode 2: The Empire Strikes Back-accino
Jun 18, 2008 at 1:35 pm rating: 0
#21
secondsout
What the second note didn’t mention is that stealing ice cream gives you herpes, but that’s not all. Stealing cookies gives you chlamydia, stealing candy bars gives you crabs, stealing popsicles gives you syphilis, and stealing potato chips gives you Hep C.
Stealing or legally purchasing, I am NOT shopping at this store.
Jun 18, 2008 at 1:53 pm rating: +6
#22
P'chick
Damn….That ice cream was fucking delicious….
Jun 18, 2008 at 2:04 pm rating: +1
#23
Sheepish
this reminds me of: “Enjoy your yeast infection!”
“hope you enjoyed that ice cream and that it was totally worth getting herpes!”
Jun 18, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: +2
#24
KittyKat
Is carful anything like car pooling? ‘Cause I heard you could get herpes from that. Must be from all the p in the ool.
Jun 18, 2008 at 2:47 pm rating: +2
#25
TC
If stealing ice cream gives you herpes, what kind of venereal disease would eating potluck Mongolian barbeque give you?
I’m going to go with genital warts…but I’ll check with Casey in Human Resources for clarification.
Jun 18, 2008 at 2:50 pm rating: +3
#26
claw71
You know, that last note is funny because it’s true. Those x-dropping emo punks who work there are big time herpes carrieres.
Jun 18, 2008 at 5:01 pm rating: +2
#27
Lurker
It’s just, y’know, a general warning. Nothing specific.
Jun 18, 2008 at 6:39 pm rating: +5
#28
TuesdayPillow
I’m still trying to figure out the Starbucks one. Maybe if you don’t wring out your towels you can get herpes or something?
Jun 19, 2008 at 1:53 am rating: 0
#29
Jahzzie
Now, why does it always have to be HER-pes? why can’t it be HIM-pes for a change?
Jun 19, 2008 at 4:49 am rating: +1
#30
chrae
What the hell kind of surgeon just gives a general warning anyway?
Jun 19, 2008 at 7:10 am rating: +1
#31
Ambie
enter the word “employees” after “Starbucks” for better understanding.
Jun 19, 2008 at 6:48 pm rating: 0
#32
Ermine_Violin
You all just kill me. And not with an STD related illness either.
Please marry me.
Jun 20, 2008 at 9:13 am rating: +1
#33
Malice
I don’t know… for some reason I’m in love with the ice cream person’s handwriting. It’s pretty.
Jun 20, 2008 at 2:09 pm rating: 0
#34
Matty
when looking at pictures of herpes I start to realize that this isn’t as funny as I had originally thought.
Feb 4, 2009 at 4:17 pm rating: 0
#35
Sara
Hah! Isn’t it “Surgeon General’s Warning” and no “Surgeon’s General Warning” lol
Jun 29, 2009 at 10:56 am rating: 0
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