wie bitte(r)?

June 19th, 2008 · 93 comments

as our submitter peter points out, the residents of berlin — with their trademark berliner schnauze — are not known for mincing words. but this sign, found at a coffee shop of sorts in the u-bahn station kottbusser tor, takes that characteristic berliner directness one step further.

peter’s rough translation: “anyone who doesn’t buy anything PLEASE leave the store!!! thanks.” (that’s at least one request we haven’t seen at a starbucks…yet.)

related: danke!!! [for the sarcasm]

EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!

FILED UNDER: "customer service" · berlin · deutsche · more aggressive than passive

93 responses so far ↓

#1 unholyghost2003

I think the real difference between this place and Starbucks is that THIS sign says “Please” and “Thank You”

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:22 pm rating: +4

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#2 RunBarbara

this doesnt strike me as particularly passive or aggressive. i think it is polite, to the point and magnificent as a young show pony! in fact, i am going to post that sign every where i go. unless you intend to buy something you shouldn’t go into a shop. that classifies you as riff-raff and, as you all know, i have no patience for riff-raff! i also have no patience for hippies as they smell like a fake leg full of fish sticks.

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: +18

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- #2.1 TC
  
  And patchouli.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:29 pm rating: +3
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#3 TC

…except David Hasselhoff. He can loiter all day and buy nichts!

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:27 pm rating: +4

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#4 GhostWriter

…and just like that, all the German baristi walked out of the shop.

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:29 pm rating: +4

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- #4.1 secondsout
  
  And by “walked,” we mean goose-stepped.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:34 pm rating: +6
- #4.2 RunBarbara
  
  and by “shop”, you mean tank.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:37 pm rating: +10
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#5 zchamu

This could be applied to numerous situations. Unless you plan to give me money PLEASE LEAVE MY HOUSE! Unless you plan to mow my lawn PLEASE GET OFF MY PROPERTY! Unless you plan to give me sparkly presents PLEASE GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!

I’m going to start using this.

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:29 pm rating: +21

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- #5.1 RunBarbara
  
  unless you plan to trim my hedges GET OUT OF MY “GARDEN”!!!!
  (well, for zB anyway…)
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:33 pm rating: +4
- #5.2 zombieBlanco
  
  “trim my hedges”
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:35 pm rating: +5
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#6 zombieBlanco

✔ Block letters

✔ Hasty underlining

✔ Extra exclamation marks

Passive-aggressive = the universal language

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:31 pm rating: +23

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- #6.1 Voca Popula
  
  All this sign needs is a pair of tiny hearts to replace the umlaut.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 3:33 pm rating: +5
- #6.2 Mishee
  
  or two little happy faces.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 4:16 pm rating: 0
- #6.3 amazon
  
  I dunno, German is a weird language that capitalizes random letters. For all we know, ALL CAPS is grammatically correct for that statement.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 4:56 pm rating: +1
- #6.4 Jenny
  
  German capitalizes at the beginning of every sentence and nouns. That’s all that’s grammatically capitalized.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 9:02 pm rating: 0
- #6.5 Canthz_B
  
  interesting. all nouns or just proper nouns?
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 9:21 pm rating: 0
- #6.6 amazon
  
  all nouns. it’s very odd for an english speaker.
  
  p.s. for jenny: http://xkcd.com/386/
  
  Jun 20, 2008 at 1:16 am rating: 0
- #6.7 Jenny
  
  Why does everyone send me that link? I was just trying to be helpful…
  
  Jun 22, 2008 at 12:13 am rating: 0
- #6.8 get figgy with it
  
  I found it interesting, Jenny. I think (hope) amazon’s link was put up in good humor.
  
  Jun 22, 2008 at 1:07 am rating: 0
- #6.9 Canthz_B
  
  I think that amazon was just joking that her earlier joke really did not require a serious response, but I have been known to be wrong.
  Besides, I was curious about the all nouns thing, so I learned something new from both Jenny and amazon!
  
  Jun 22, 2008 at 3:11 pm rating: 0
- #6.10 Canthz_B
  
  Sometimes jokes here are really subtle…like the fact that I used no caps in comment #6.5.
  Totally out of character for me, but missed by all.
  
  Jun 22, 2008 at 3:19 pm rating: 0
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#7 GhostWriter

“Please, Bin Laden- Thank You! ”

Those Germans can never be counted on in our War on Terror.

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:33 pm rating: +2

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#8 GhostWriter

Is it my imagination, or does the photographer reflected in the window have a huge Herman Munster-like head?

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:36 pm rating: 0

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- #8.1 secondsout
  
  Shh, you don’t want to give Peter a complex.
  
  *Hmm? Vas? PETER SMASH!*
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:40 pm rating: +2
- #8.2 Peter
  
  thanks secondscout. until you pointed it out, it didn’t, but now i DO have a Herman Munster Head complex. It’s common in Germany, tho. We call it the German HMH complex. It’s a medical term. Look it up.
  
  Jun 20, 2008 at 5:13 am rating: +1
- #8.3 Mishee
  
  Is there a medical insurance code for that Peter? I wonder if German medical codes are the same as US codes…
  
  Jun 20, 2008 at 8:05 am rating: 0
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#9 Mishee

“Hurry up and buy!!”

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:38 pm rating: +2

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#10 Kev Orng

WENN SIE DICH DIE MONGOLEI POTLUCK SORGEN MÖCHTEN, HOLEN SIE BITTE 5 EURO ZU CASEY IM PERSONAL FÜR IHREN HUT.

DNK SANDRA

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:43 pm rating: +47

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- #10.1 TC
  
  Now that’s brillant.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:46 pm rating: +1
- #10.2 kalieris
  
  This is a thing of beauty…
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 3:34 pm rating: +1
- #10.3 Peter
  
  This is deep. I’m going to print this out. Maybe on a shirt
  
  Jun 20, 2008 at 5:14 am rating: 0
- #10.4 Ami
  
  I understand what the words mean, but I don’t get it.
  
  =[
  
  Sep 4, 2008 at 11:26 pm rating: 0
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#11 Canthz_B

Scram you dirty browser!
What do you mean you’re looking for the perfect gift?
Figure it out and come back when you know!

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:45 pm rating: +8

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#12 paranoiagirl

I love that “please” is the only lowercase word, as if they’re dragging it out slowly and quietly before exploding into “LEAVE THE STORE! Scheiße!”

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:46 pm rating: +3

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- #12.1 djr
  
  …. and yet, it warrents TWO underlines.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 4:21 pm rating: +1
- #12.2 Canthz_B
  
  …even warrants them!
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 4:42 pm rating: 0
- #12.3 djr
  
  Oh look at you and your spelling things correctly! XD
  
  Jun 20, 2008 at 11:42 am rating: 0
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#13 Quite Contrary

So, in PAN land, does this mean I need to leave the bathroom if I’m not going to do drugs there?

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:47 pm rating: 0

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- #13.1 TC
  
  Not as long as you BUY your drugs there and then use them.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:49 pm rating: +2
- #13.2 amy d
  
  No. It means you must leave the website if you are not going to be snarky.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:50 pm rating: +5
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#14 Mishee

ooh, I see on the menu that they have chocolade…

Well, it is the Land of Chocolate, after all!

Jun 19, 2008 at 12:53 pm rating: +2

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- #14.1 Mark
  
  It’s like Kool-Ade (or its ghetto cousin, Flav-r-ade), but made of chocolate.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: 0
- #14.2 TC
  
  Who needs that fancy packet of Kool-Aid when you can make City Punch!
  
  http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=city+punch
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 1:05 pm rating: +1
- #14.3 Moonsilver
  
  That chocolate was f…
  On second thought, German chocolate isn’t that good.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 4:08 pm rating: +2
- #14.4 Jenny
  
  German chocolate is better than American chocolate.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 9:07 pm rating: 0
- #14.5 Canthz_B
  
  Everything German is better, just ask any German.
  
  But not in Hershey, PA.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: 0
- #14.6 amazon
  
  The sausage is especially good in Germany
  
  Jun 20, 2008 at 1:18 am rating: 0
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#15 claw71

Germans are very efficient people. There’s no such thing as shopping to them, only purchasing. Shopping is for the French and it is why the French were defenseless in WW2.

Jun 19, 2008 at 1:04 pm rating: +17

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- #15.1 secondsout
  
  Oh, the French had a defense. The Maginot Line was its name and all the guns were pointed at Germany. The French must have forgotten WW1, where the Germans invaded France through Belgium. They did so again, and their guns were sadly pointed the wrong direction. Eh, Bonjour, we surrender!
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:03 pm rating: +3
- #15.2 Canthz_B
  
  They also were guilty of two-dimensional thinking on a three- dimensional battlefield.
  Airplanes make fixed defenses obsolete.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:36 pm rating: 0
- #15.3 Mark
  
  “His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking.”
  
  “Z minus ten thousand meters.”
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 3:32 pm rating: 0
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#16 claw71

or
You learn something new everyday.

Who would have thought that there are Korean store owners in Germany too?

Jun 19, 2008 at 1:06 pm rating: +5

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- #16.1 Canthz_B
  
  Oh those nutty Asians!
  I heard on NPR yesterday that in South Africa Asians have won the right to be classified as Black.
  And they say there’s nothing new under the sun! Ha!
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 1:11 pm rating: +1
- #16.2 Quite Contrary
  
  That is actually very interesting. A friend just returned from three weeks in Africa. There is a distinct class/caste system between the whites (the clear minority), the blacks and the coloreds. It’s an actual classification and the blacks want little or nothing to do with the coloreds. My understanding is that most of the coloreds are mixed ethnicities. And blacks are considered “better” than coloreds.
  
  I’m very much looking forward to Claw’s response.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 1:48 pm rating: 0
- #16.3 RunBarbara
  
  you know, claw is part black.
  i would tell you which part but it might choke me up…
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:41 pm rating: +1
- #16.4 Mishee
  
  “choke” “up”
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:43 pm rating: 0
- #16.5 RunBarbara
  
  “part”
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:45 pm rating: +1
- #16.6 Canthz_B
  
  From my understanding, and I admit to having paid little attention to the report, in South Africa Blacks have been granted some social compensations for the apartheid years and Coloreds have not received the same in equal measure.
  The Asian community seems to have petitioned to be classified as “Black” so as to qualify for the same benefits.
  
  That was my take on it, I could be very wrong.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:53 pm rating: 0
- #16.7 amazon
  
  Actually, in Germany, the minority of choice are the Turks.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 5:02 pm rating: 0
- #16.8 Jenny
  
  Hmm. I thought the Turks were actually had a pretty big representation in Germany. Maybe it’s just Berlin. There’s also a growing population of Africans.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 9:09 pm rating: 0
- #16.9 Canthz_B
  
  Then you agree with amazon that the Turks are a large minority group in Germany. jeez
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 9:26 pm rating: 0
- #16.10 Jenny
  
  Amazon didn’t say how large the population of Turks were. Just that they were the “minority of choice.”
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 10:46 pm rating: 0
- #16.11 amazon
  
  I think I’m developing a little crush on Jenny. *swoon*
  
  Jun 20, 2008 at 1:20 am rating: 0
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#17 Ana

Where is that café anyway? Everything’s so cheap! A sandwich for 15 Cents?! How great is that? I wouldn’t even mind the rude sign…
Ana, Leipzig

Jun 19, 2008 at 1:47 pm rating: 0

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- #17.1 karmacoma
  
  A “Schrippe” is not really a sandwich, it’s just a roll or bun (not sure about the right word in English) without anything on it. But it’s still pretty cheap.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:27 pm rating: 0
- #17.2 Canthz_B
  
  “Lump of dry bread” will do.
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 9:08 pm rating: 0
- #17.3 Ana
  
  I do know what a Schrippe is (I’m German by the way), but a Schrippe usually has some Wurst or cheese on it, so I’d say that you can compare it to a sandwich…
  
  Jun 20, 2008 at 1:37 am rating: 0
- #17.4 Stylewalker
  
  Schrippe is Berlinian for Brötchen. Like Rundstück in Hamburg or Semmel in Bayern.
  
  Jun 20, 2008 at 4:50 am rating: 0
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#18 ErikaBlare

Vee haf ovens een ze back for people who loiter.

Jun 19, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: +3

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- #18.1 Mishee
  
  “Und, you must sign ze papers, old man!
  
  But, I cannot sign these papers!
  
  Why can not you sign ze papers?
  
  Because you have broken both my hands!”
  
  100 points to anyone who can figure that one out (without google) - and remember, Would Jesus Google The Answer?
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:26 pm rating: +3
- #18.2 Mark
  
  But first you need to take a shower… a shower with no water…
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 2:28 pm rating: 0
- #18.3 ErikaBlare
  
  Ah, Mishee, I love you more and more each day. Viva la Cheech and Chong!
  
  Jun 19, 2008 at 3:26 pm

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

wie bitte(r)?

June 19th, 2008 · 93 comments

93 responses so far ↓