TMI all around

June 23rd, 2008 · 117 comments

daniel in new york spotted this note (and the follow-up) on the door of his soho office building’s restroom — “a nice single seater with a window.” adds daniel: “i understand the sentiment — my sphincter locks up like a vise with any distraction. but i do hope that the large white area on the thoughtfully typed response will illicit a petition of like-minded others.”

EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!

FILED UNDER: TMI · bathroom · cell phone · new york · noise · office · toilet

117 responses so far ↓

#1 the sos

where exactly IS st. airwell?

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:12 am rating: +6

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- #1.1 amazon
  
  I think I saw them in concert once.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:19 am rating: +2
- #1.2 A Random Tourist
  
  I think I saw them once over at this place. It’s a very common place to find errors and other spacing mistakes such as this one.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: 0
- #1.3 RunBarbara
  
  That was almost as bad as a Rickroll. I sentence you to three hours in the unitard!
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:51 am rating: +3
- #1.4 Mishee
  
  Now I know why locals fucking hate tourists….
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:07 pm rating: +3
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#2 Rob

What I really hate is when I am on the cell phone and the person on the other end is taking a number 2. Now that is rude!

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:14 am rating: +25

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- #2.1 Potty Mouth
  
  I am one of “those people.” YES, I am a Potty Mouth! Sorry Mom!!!
  
  Jun 24, 2008 at 9:03 am rating: 0
- #2.2 bellabeastie
  
  “(privately)” number two?
  
  What? As opposed to publicly? We all know there is a long list of other places to Do the Poo. And as for the (private) phone convo, better check with St. Airwell, Patron of all who Talk & Poo in public.
  
  THX
  BUDDY
  
  Jun 24, 2008 at 11:14 am rating: +2
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#3 Mishee

I’m thinking it’s bad manners to use an entire 8 1/2″x11″ sheet of copy paper, when a scribbled on post-it would’ve sufficed….

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:18 am rating: +13

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- #3.1 RunBarbara
  
  does the second note imply that this bathroom in question is a handicap only restroom? like, the person who gets gun shy is being rude by using the wrong bathrooom?
  today they get their own bathroom, whats next? their own olympics?
  and where are my rights?
  im going to demand my own “NO handicaped persons” line at the DMV. those crippleds take for-fucking-ever.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:31 am rating: +27
- #3.2 TL
  
  Having to go to the bathroom is a serious - albeit temporary - handicap.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 8:11 pm rating: +3
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#4 Mishee

If he is so pissed at this “pooper-yapper” then why call him “Buddy”…?

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:21 am rating: 0

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- #4.1 KittyKat
  
  “I’m not your buddy, friend.”
  “I’m not your friend, pal.”
  “I’m not your pal, buddy.”
  
  ** Repeat **
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 4:05 pm rating: +8
- #4.2 vndlfan
  
  I personally prefer “chief” it just sounds so friendly.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 7:52 pm rating: +3
- #4.3 philip
  
  I personally prefer “Gaylord”.
  
  Jun 24, 2008 at 1:59 am rating: +3
- #4.4 jadefirefly
  
  I’m fond of “champ”, myself.
  
  Jun 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm rating: 0
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#5 amazon

Ir’s really annoying when I go to use this bathroom to (privately) snort coke, if you will, only to hear someone taking a dump.

Seriously, if you want to take a dump (privately) take it to the stairwell or outside next time, buddy.

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:23 am rating: +32

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- #5.1 Sarah
  
  The stairwell? Aw, crap, I’ve been using the gym shower all this time!
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 2:48 pm rating: +3
- #5.2 vivitop
  
  I usually use the alley behind the building…
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 5:10 pm rating: +1
- #5.3 jadefirefly
  
  At least it’s not the changing room…
  
  Jun 24, 2008 at 4:00 pm rating: 0
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#6 RunBarbara

as opposed to using the bathroom for a number two (publically)?

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:27 am rating: +14

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#7 Ana

Who talks on a cell phone while they are shitting? How gross is that?!?!?

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: +10

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- #7.1 RunBarbara
  
  phone sex operators and investment bankers.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:29 am rating: +16
- #7.2 secondsout
  
  Actually, it’s really fun to do when a telemarketer calls. It’s way better if you’re taking a piss in a bathroom where the sound amplifies well from the tile. Nothing says “I care about the credit card you’re offering me” like taking a piss while the guy’s talking.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:03 pm rating: +20
- #7.3 Cowgirlgraphics
  
  One word about who’s talking on their cell phone while (not so privately) taking a dump: REALTORS …. must be what they selling.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 1:26 pm rating: +1
- #7.4 Potty Mouth
  
  GOVERMENT EMPLOYEES!!!
  
  Jun 24, 2008 at 9:06 am rating: 0
- #7.5 Will It Work
  
  Government employees, as well.
  
  Jun 25, 2008 at 3:28 pm rating: 0
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#8 Jimmy Straightline

On the list of ” really annoying” things about public restrooms, this one doesn’t even make my Top 20. Suggestion: if you simply repeat every word you overhear, the ‘poop-talker’ will usually wrap up their conversation pretty quickly.

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:35 am rating: +25

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- #8.1 Mishee
  
  I would just pretend to respond to everything they say, like I was the one they were talking to… that would probably work just as well, but be more fun with getting to choose the creepiest responses!
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:42 am rating: +25
- #8.2 secondsout
  
  or grunt loud enough for the other person to hear. “WHOO, this is a BIG ONE. It might set off the SMOKE ALARM!” The person on the other end will comment soon enough and the cell phone guy will retreat to a quieter locale.
  
  *joke plagiarized in memory of the late George Carlin.*
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:05 pm rating: +32
- #8.3 GoodNamesGone
  
  Dude, I was lucky. My “Poo Talker” asked the person on the other end, “What are you doing?”
  
  So I grunted loudly and said, “I’m poopin’!”
  
  She won’t even make eye-contact with me now- Score!
  
  Jun 24, 2008 at 5:42 pm rating: +3
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#9 unholyghost2003

Wait. I am VERY confused. “a nice single seater with a window.” suggests to me that there is only one toilet in this bathroom. So, would someone please explain to me WHERE the Poo-Talker is pooing and talking whilst the pink note leaver is pooing quietly?

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:35 am rating: +5

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- #9.1 RunBarbara
  
  i have two options:
  1. there is a toilet and urinal. the pink note leaver is in the stall (with the toilet and the window) and someone is taking a dump in the urinal.
  2. they are standing right outside the bathroom talking on their phone.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:37 am rating: +1
- #9.2 unholyghost2003
  
  but if they are standing right outside the bathroom talking on the phone … I hope they are not pooing and talking!
  
  BTW “Poo-Talker” sounds like someone who would help constipated people … like a horse whisperer
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:44 am rating: +30
- #9.3 Mishee
  
  ugh beat me to it! Poo Talker… Ugh, I swear you are gonna get me fired today!!
  Now I can’t wait for the “No Pooping in the Halls” note to get submitted! Then we will have run full circle!
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:45 am rating: +2
- #9.4 RunBarbara
  
  maybe they are sharing the same toilet at the same time and the note writer didnt want to interrupt her poo-conversation to mention that its distracting him from his own poo.
  yes, that seems logical and right.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:53 am rating: +4
- #9.5 hamburke
  
  I thought about that too. If it’s a ladies room, I’m guessing that there’s a single stall but a sink area too. I’ve been to more of these than I care to visit. They are usually the dirtiest, stinkiest and tiniest. Seriously, why waste money on a stall when you could just buy a lock for the door?
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:19 pm rating: +1
- #9.6 Mishee
  
  duh hamburke - that’s so the people who go in there do to drugs don’t have to wait for the pooper-yapper to finish their “big jobs” before they can come in and get a fix…
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:21 pm rating: +4
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#10 PANdemic

Isn’t it bad manners to type a note in ALL CAPS? I feel like they are SHOUTING.

If someone is going to type it up and use a whole sheet of paper, I would suggest some interesting font and maybe a cute graphic to entertain future poopers and get the message across in a more passive-aggressive way.

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:46 am rating: +5

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- #10.1 Mishee
  
  Well, I hate to tell you PANd - THX SANDRA is all the way on the other side of the country…
  
  Not everybody has her P/A note and Clip Art skills!
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: +4
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#11 Canthz_B

I hate over-hearing cell phone conversations anywhere.
My major pet peeve is hearing someone make a call and say “Hi, I’m on my way. I’ll be there in about five minutes”. Couldn’t they just wait five f-ing minutes and say “Hi” in person?

Team put back the phone booths!

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:46 am rating: +5

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- #11.1 unholyghost2003
  
  They are starting a new thing … Cell phone booths. They are Phone booths w/o the phones. So people who need to make or receive a call can do so w/o disturbing others.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:51 am rating: +3
- #11.2 secondsout
  
  Sounds like a waste, really. Most people just aren’t that considerate. The only reason they would go there is if it blocks out everyone else’s noise and they can hear their pointless conversation better.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: +2
- #11.3 SavageCarmina
  
  Sounds like just another place for people to have sex, and/or crap on the floor.
  
  Jun 24, 2008 at 8:23 am rating: +6
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#12 Canthz_B

Here’s a tip: Invest in toilet paper and drop your poops in the privacy of your own bathroom.

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: +2

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- #12.1 RunBarbara
  
  but what if you are far from home and have to “go real bad”?
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: +3
- #12.2 Canthz_B
  
  This guy seems to be a frequent user of this particular throne. What makes him think his co-workers want to smell his crap each day?
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:03 pm rating: +4
- #12.3 Mishee
  
  he must eat All Bran everyday…
  
  or that Activia yogurt…
  
  He’s extremely regular.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:05 pm rating: +8
- #12.4 RunBarbara
  
  no one (apart from a select group of fetishists) wants to smell another person’s crap all day but you cant help having to go to the bathroom- i mean, it creeps up on you! thats why there is air freshener, usually, on the back of the toilet.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:06 pm rating: 0
- #12.5 Canthz_B
  
  I don’t know about that.
  Drop a turd at home in the morning before you go to work and that should hold you until you return home again.
  That’s being “regular”.
  This moron has made his bathroom break a part of his daily work experience.
  I worked with a guy like that. Every day at 10am he’d head into the john and take a crap. Now I have to hold a pee until 10:30 for this slob?
  
  Jun 24, 2008 at 12:24 pm rating: +2
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#13 zchamu

I dunno, I think dude’s missing a golden opportunity. The second someone started yapping on the phone, I’d start making the most heinous toilet noises possible. Wet, sloppy farts, splashing, you name it. You can’t lead a horse away from the bathroom but you sure can make them run in horror.

Jun 23, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: +20

reply to this comment
- #13.1 Mishee
  
  don’t forget to grunt with the occasional moan of pain…
  
  whimpering for mommy also adds to the fun….
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:04 pm rating: +10
- #13.2 RunBarbara
  
  i find that talking to one’s poo as though its your co-star in a porno is really helpful with big jobs:
  “yeah? yeah? you fucking like that, you dirty poo? you gonna come out for me? UHHH! fuck yeah, HARDER! c’mon baby, make me remember you tomorrow!”
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:12 pm rating: +44
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#14 Moonsilver

Dear Pooper,

If you are having a bathroom “emergency” then please see Casey in Human Resourses for the key to the locked Mens Room downstairs. This bathroom is proven to be scientifically cleaner and therefore more suited to my “potty mouth” habits.

THX SANDRA

Jun 23, 2008 at 12:08 pm rating: +15

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#15 GhostWriter

I’ll tell you what’s annoying- a guy who will only go into the bathroom “if you will.” Why is he so scared of crapping alone? Last week, he practically dragged me in there with him, and I ended up missing the season finale of Lost.

Jun 23, 2008 at 12:16 pm rating: +12

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- #15.1 RunBarbara
  
  did he ask you to hold anything for him? cause that’s where i draw the line.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:18 pm rating: +5
- #15.2 claw71
  
  Where’s that line drawn? Before holding anything or after holding but before wiping?
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: +2
- #15.3 unholyghost2003
  
  The Mr. had a friend at his old job who liked to freak guys out by asking them to hold his hand under the divider wall while he took a crap.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:28 pm rating: +5
- #15.4 Mishee
  
  claw - I think for you RB & uhg would go all the way….
  
  sans rubber gloves.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:28 pm rating: +1
- #15.5 RunBarbara
  
  after before wiping.
  but, as always, i can make an exception for you, claw. btw- the little bo peep costume finally arrived! will i see you tonight? my sheep need “herding”.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:29 pm rating: +2
- #15.6 claw71
  
  I’d love to tend to your flock and I wouldn’t mind shearing that ewe of yours either. baaaaaa!
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:31 pm rating: +2
- #15.7 RunBarbara
  
  oh God, i love it when you wear the bell.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:34 pm rating: +3
- #15.8 claw71
  
  I love it when you wear the kilt and the strap-on and play the Scotsman.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:49 pm rating: +4
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#16 claw71

I love it when people try to use their phones in the restroom. I’ll yell out from the stall I’m pooping here! I pooping over here!

That usually gets them off the phone because they’ll either have to admit to the other party that they are in a restroom, thus revealing a level of disrespect that can alter the course of the friendship, or they have to make up a story about being around the downtown whackos.

Jun 23, 2008 at 12:24 pm rating: +17

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- #16.1 the sos
  
  i must admit to occasionally “taking someone” to the restroom with me, but only after saying, “i’m going in and you’re coming with me” and giving them the chance to say, “whoah, sister. just call me back.”
  
  and, i always hang up if there is someone else in the restroom (ever since that one time the person next to me kept yelling “I’m pooping over here! I’m pooping over here!”).
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 12:41 pm rating: +13
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#17 claw71

I know there is a segment of the population that prefers to poop privately and that there are bogus unwritten rules to public restroom usage.

All I can say is that the best way to attain privacy in a public setting is to go potty in your pants. Nobody ever suspects.

Jun 23, 2008 at 12:30 pm rating: +11

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- #17.1 secondsout
  
  And rather quickly, everyone walks away from you. It’s particularly effective on a crowded bus.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 6:58 pm rating: 0
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#18 Sheepish

i’ve never understood the use of ‘if you will’ in this type of sentance.
and, why is privately put in like that?
not only am i confused by the story of the stall with a window but the general construction of the note.
i must not be smart enough to follow along.

Jun 23, 2008 at 12:32 pm rating: +1

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- #18.1 amazon
  
  No, your problem is that you’re too smart, and actually know gramatical rules.
  
  It’s like trying to read a 13 year old’s text message.
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 7:04 pm rating: +1
- #18.2 Sheepish
  
  thanks Amazon.
  that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
  i’ve been called a lot of things in my life but this is the first time anyone has said that i’m too smart.
  *blushing*
  
  Jun 23, 2008 at 7:08 pm rating: 0
- #18.3 Sheepish
  
  as a side note, your comment about a 13 year old girl made me go back and read the first note in a teenage girl voice.
  
  which also sounds like my gay man impression.
  
  maybe there is a connection to writing notes like a hormonal girl and gay office workers.
  
  seriously.

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

TMI all around

June 23rd, 2008 · 117 comments

117 responses so far ↓