Three tactics for dealing with soap thieves

June 24th, 2008 · 142 comments

1. Prey on their insecurities.

Stealing soap is NOT cool

2. Get Jesus involved.

I PRAY No one steals These items...Please Leave this in the 8th fl Back bathroom...God Bless

3. Oh, screw it.

To: soap thief To whomever it is that is stealing the soap. I would like to inform you that we will no longer be providing soap for you to steal. Thanks to you we can not trust that the things we put in here for everyone's enjoyment will be here. You are a thief and you should know this. Thanks for ruining it for everyone else.

related: Maybe you should switch to body wash?

FILED UNDER: bathroom · irregular capitalization · Jesus · office · soap · stealing


142 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Super Tash

    God Bless! I hope God smites you for being a disgusting thief!

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:15 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Sheepish bang

    “He that stealith the soap shall be known to all as a sinner. And he that nameith the sinner and callith him out shall be known to all as an ass” Lavatories 12:5

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:18 am   rating: 64  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Mishee bang

    Keep prayin’, note writer #2! I think even JESUS would steal soap. I mean, cleanliness is next to Godliness, right???

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:19 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Sarah bang

      Jesus wouldn’t steal jelly. What makes you think soap qualifies?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Sirius bang

      Keep prayin’, note writer #2! I think even JESUS would steal soap. I mean, cleanliness is next to Godliness, right???

      But, as Tom Robbins pointed out, it’s been two thousand years already — if godliness hasn’t found something more interesting to be next to than cleanliness, maybe it’s time we re-evaluate our opinions about godliness

      Jun 25, 2008 at 12:54 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Sarah bang

      You have a point. After all, God sells cocaine.

      http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,23915073-5005961,00.html

      Jun 25, 2008 at 3:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   fantasy bang

    Bless me Father for I have sinned……

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Troy McClure bang

    Soap is for enjoyment? What next? Are sticky buds going to get my hands clean?

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Mishee bang

      No, but soap is essential when you need to wash your hands before going back into work after actually ENJOYING your sticky buds…

      At least for me… my thumb reeks of pot all the time.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 9:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   RunBarbara bang

      I put a ferris wheel in my bathroom…you know, for enjoyment. The soap simply wasn’t fun enough.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Moonsilver

      My underwear reeks thanks to my husband’s “secret” stash.

      I installed a phone booth in my bathroom.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   wright

      And here I thought lube and Mishee’s momma were for enjoyment… I guess I need to get out more.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   claw71 bang

    Wait a second, Numer 3, you say you provide soap for everybody’s enjoyment but yet the person who gleefully absconds with the soap is called a theif and is saddled with the guilt of ruining everything. You are a hypocrite and you should know this.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:28 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   fantasy bang

      Well you know how God and hypocrites go hand in hand.

      …… unclean, unclean. Oh, that is
      leprosy, not hand washing.

      *Salmonella, salmonella!*

      Jun 24, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   RunBarbara bang

      that almost sounds like a Queen parody in the making. i started one but soon lost interest in the project.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Moonsilver

      ok, it sounded like fun to try it, so here goes, sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody:

      Is this stall smelly
      Or is it just me
      Talking on cell phones
      No escape for a poop for me

      Please shut your mouth
      I just can’t go you seeeeeee
      While you are talking
      My sphincter’s all closed up
      It’s not an easy poo, easy go
      While you chat, on the phone
      Should I steal some soap? Doesn’t really matter, with herpes

      Graham, just killed a band
      Sold his soul to play the drums
      To that Casey InHuman
      Graham, you can’t audition
      But Katlama’s got gigs all over town
      Soap (Pooooo)
      Didn’t mean to steal your Dial
      But I meant to eat your ice cream and hot pockets
      As if herpes didn’t matter

      Jesus, how I have sinned
      Stole the air freshener too
      Now the bathroom smells like poo
      Look out everybody, I’ve got to poo
      Gotta let it out real bad in the men’s loo
      Jesus, (pooooo)
      I don’t want herpes
      I sometimes wish I’d never heard of PAN at all

      I see a little red ripe fruit in my hand
      Tomato, tomato will you make me barf and shit?
      Thunderous gas and fever, very, very frightening me

      Salmonella, Salmonella
      Salmonella, Salmonella
      Salmonella tomatoes, I’ve got to goooooo

      I’ve stolen ice cream in the name of herpes
      She’s been disfigured because she’s a thief
      Pray for her soul and she might get to pee
      I’ve stolen windex and will not let it go
      Let it go! Moonsilver will not let it go
      Let it go! Moonsilver will not let it go
      She will not let it go
      Will not let it go
      Will not let it go
      Oh diarrhea, diarrhea, diarrhea let it go
      Beelzebub has a devil put aside for mishee
      For mishee
      For mishee

      So you think you can steal our soap from on high
      So you think you’ll infect our tomato supply

      Ohhh, Casey
      She wouldn’t give me the key
      Just gotta get out
      Just gotta get soap out of here

      If you have a big job
      Anyone can pee
      But throw up in the trash can
      Throw up in the trash can
      Thanks Sandeeeeeee

      Sickening tomatoes

      Jun 24, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Quite Contrary

      Please, please, please come to hell with us!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 3:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Sheepish bang

      Moonsilver. That is AMAZING!
      Bravo!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 4:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   zombieBlanco bang

      ♥ Moonsilver

      bravo! absolutely phenomenal!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 8:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   secondsout bang

      This is one of the best song parodies I’ve ever seen on these threads. Well done, Moonsilver. I hope you post more.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 9:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   bellabeastie

      Spot on Perfect !! Rock ON — maybe would you save me an itty bitty beastie spot in hell with y’all.

      I’ll bring the toilet paper and soap. And the
      Mama Mia soundtrack. Just for fun.

      LOL…. ;)

      Jesus jelly and booze iz on U.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   Moonsilver

      Thanks everyone. I don’t think I’ve ever had a nicer welcome than this invitation to hell. I guess we’ll need a bigger basket.

      Jun 25, 2008 at 8:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Kev Orng

    “Oh Jesus, somebody keeps stealing my soap!”

    “Cry me a river, sweetie, I’m nailed to a fucking tree!”

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   zchamu

    1 and 2 are Passive Aggressive. 3 is just plain aggressive. I am surprised they finished that note without saying “die in a fire”.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:33 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Joe bang

      If you cross-breed note 2 with note 3, you would get “die in hell-fire.” Close enough, methinks.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Voca Popula

    I have this vision of a bunch of non-soap-stealers standing on a street corner, with packs of cigarettes rolled up in their sleeves and the collars of their jean jackets turned up.

    “Hey, Frankie, what are we gonna do tonight, huh?”

    “Alright, listen up, guys. We’re gonna hang out, shoot some pool, and avoid stealing soap.”

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:34 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   unholyghost2003 bang

    #’s 2 & 3 seem to be in dorms or office buildings. Why not just let building services do their job? I mean #2, why are you buying cleaning products for a public bathroom? Not your freakin’ job. If you are so OCD that you have to scrub the bathroom yourself you should keep your cleaning products and your crazy to yourself!

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   KittyKat bang

    I’m a thief?! Thank God! Here I thought the mountain of stolen soap in my bedroom pointed to a severe psychological disorder when in reality it just points to my lack of morals. Whew!

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:48 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   RunBarbara bang

    I didn’t even want to steal the soap until they put that neat note on it! I don’t have soap with a note at home and now, by way of their actions, I must have it!

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:55 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   fantasy bang

      …..more impressive than say “Crabtree and Evelyn”?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   secondsout bang

      Screw the soap. I just want to steal note #2. That self-righteous bunch of shit is hilarious!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   claw71 bang

    God: Jesus! Get in here.

    Jesus: What’s cracking, Pops?

    God: When you were walking the Earth spreading the Word of Me, did you explain how praying works to people?

    Jesus: Umm…yeah…sort of…I guess

    God: Jeee-SUS?

    Jesus: OK, I might have missed that part, but I told them about turning the other cheek, and…ummm…I threw merchants out of the temple…and, and….

    God: You turned water into wine, didn’t you?

    Jesus: ummmm

    God: DIDN”T YOU?!?

    Jesus: OK, yeah I turned water into wine. I even walked on water. And I hooked up with a whore too. What did you expect? You sent me to the desert for a month with no food or water so I could come back and get crucified. So, yeah, I forgot to tell people about praying. What’s the big deal?

    God: Well, look at this idiot praying for their soap.

    Jesus: Dude, that’s fucked up

    Jun 24, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 60  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Sheepish bang

      as a side note to your comment Claw, i would like to recommend a book to everyone who enjoys blasphemy.
      “Lamb, The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal” by Christopher Moore.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:01 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   RunBarbara bang

      claw, i would also recommend moving to a hot climate so you will be prepared for the flames in hell.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Mishee bang

      at least claw didn’t refer to our Savior as Jeezy Creezy

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   fantasy bang

      …sad but true there is also a book, “The gospel according to Starbucks”.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Mishee bang

      fan – what about this:
      A “Good Book”

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   fantasy bang

      Mishee, I cannot imagine how they could simplify the old testament.

      I mean has anyone really read all of “Numbers”?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   Mishee bang

      Well, fan, they can certainly condense it !! Saves on reading time!!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   claw71 bang

      I’ve embraced my damnation and I’ll be sure to check out “Biff”, but I think it’s important to note that many of you will be joining me. Which is what I expected because everybody knows the really cool people are going to hell.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:25 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   Mishee bang

      claw! you can jump into our handbasket, it’s stocked and ready for the road trip!

      I know quite a few of us are definitely going! I mean, I was making fun at the expense of Anne Frank yesterday… I am soooooo going! And I will even give you shotgun! (RB is gonna be in the back making out with sout anyways)

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.10   anglophile bang

      There’s a spot for you in the handbasket Mishee, Quite Contrary and I are taking to Hell, claw. We have jelly packets and booze.

      OK, should have know that little beeyotch Mishee would beat me too this. :roll:

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.11   Canthz_B bang

      I couldn’t be around yesterday to honor George Carlin and I’m still too out of it to link a youtube of him, but Carlin had some interesting things to say about praying for what you want vs. God’s Divine Plan.

      Ever consider that the stolen soap is part of God’s plan? Maybe it is being used to help the homeless.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.12   KittyKat bang

      The great unwashed masses?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.13   Mishee bang

      CB – this is for you

      The whole religion bit including prayer…

      He even mentions someone defecating in a mall… I wonder if he was the guy in the next stall!! HAHA!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.14   secondsout bang

      On the subject of condensing books, I agree. Who has time to read anymore? I recommend Book a Minute.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.15   Canthz_B bang

      The Bible is already condensed…see the Dead Sea Scrolls for some material that was left out.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.16   Bunnee

      Is there room for me in the handbasket? This made me think of “Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil” and the song, “All the people holding hands, holding hands, holding hands. Makes me want to wash my hands, dirty hands, dirty hands.”

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Bev

    hmm,

    This sounds like a perfect Thx Sandra note.

    Anyone?

    My talents aren’t good enough to keep up with you guys. You guys ROCK!

    Jun 24, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   kalafudra bang

    It’s also obvious that people who steal soap are no humans anymore… at least for note-writer #3.
    “To whomever [ouch] it is _that_ is stealing the soap…”

    Jun 24, 2008 at 10:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Sue Do Nim

      Ouch is right! Whomever wrote that should be shot.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Lurker

    Is that the 8th floor of a church? And do you need special Windex for stained glass?

    Or maybe it’s a typo and she meant to write “I Spray.”

    Jun 24, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   bellabeastie

      But it’s the 8th floor Back Bathroom.

      You know, where they keep all the dirty dishes and that’s why they need the soap, duh.

      Please leave your keys and the soap on the stairs with a current contact number or St. Airwell will take your name off the list for the annual Parish Mongolian BBQ.

      THX
      SANDRA

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Quite Contrary

    Dear Pious Prayer Person (that’s you #2): God bless you. However, I’m a little concerned that someone who clearly believes in power of prayer, would pray that someone doesn’t steal cleaning supplies. Aren’t there some other things a little higher on the universal prayer list? Oh, for example, no hunger in the world, peace in the Middle East, or the Cubs winning the world series?

    All the best,
    Soulless

    PS The cross was a *really* nice touch. Did you borrow the clip art from my mom?

    Jun 24, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      Rather than pray that someone doesn’t steal the soap, would it not be more pious to pray FOR the soap thief?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Lurker

      Or just pray that the bathroom stays clean by itself.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   park rose bang

      It’s not just a cross, is it? Isn’t it a clipart of the type of monument you find in a graveyard? I think it’s a warning. I PRAY no one steals this hydrochloric acid… (the notewriter put up the signs as a cunning kind of reverse pscychology – of course people will use and steal the ‘soap’, and anything that happens to them is just desserts and will be chalked up to divine retribution).

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:42 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   park rose bang

      psychology…it’s late where I am!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   octavius

      You’re right, that is a gravestone. Which makes this a death threat from a religious maniac. Call Homeland Security!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   RunBarbara bang

      QC, i borrowed something from your mom…its long, black and smells like fresh rubber. Let her know I’ve decided to name it “the punisher”. My uterus has never been the same.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Kev Orng

    What happens if someone DROPS the soap?

    Jun 24, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Mishee bang

      It’s liquid hand soap. I assume the container would probably crack open and there would be soapy messy goo all over the floor. Then you would have to go get a towel to clean it…. God, do I have to spell it all out for you?? Were you raised by wolves???

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   fantasy bang

      Of course someone could see the image of Jesus in it and make it into a shrine, sell tickets to go into the bathroom and see the miracle .

      Which would really suck if you had to go really bad!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Mishee bang

      fan – I, too, know what’s it like to have to go “real bad”…

      LOL

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   wright

      Mishee, trust me on this: dropping your soap if you’re part of a wolf pack is NOT a good thing.

      Because then you have to bend over to clean it up… and then the Alpha wolf grabs you by the scruff of your neck, pins your hind legs with his, and snarls in your ear, “Howl like a PA poodle for me, punk!!”

      … So I’ve been told.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Sarah bang

    Inspired by/ripped off from Kristin Hersh’s Twitter:

    8th Floor Back Bathroom – jam band or not jam band?

    Jun 24, 2008 at 10:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   bellabeastie

    Then you gotta get the key from Casey in Human Resources.

    Let’s hope she’s not under her desk or something… ;0

    Jun 24, 2008 at 10:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    I didn’t steal your damned soap!
    I prayed that God may provide me with a fresh supply and when I walked into this rest room I found that my prayer had been answered!

    Jun 24, 2008 at 11:05 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Mishee bang

      But CB, I highly doubt that Pious Prayer Person would have damned soap in their very own bathroom!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Canthz_B bang

      Just an expression of righteous indignation, Mishee. Not to be taken literally.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Mishee bang

      Not to be taken literally?? Tell that to the Bible Thumpers! :D

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Canthz_B bang

      They’d never hear me over the thumping and the shouts of “Get thee behind me Satan”.
      Independent thought is not the strong suit of a bible thumper.

      I go by “To each, his own”.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   Sarah bang

      Jesus hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors. Why can’t a pious person emulate him and hang out with damned soap?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 3:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Bikerbabee

    I guess they needed to wash the dishes, before leaving the keys on the stairs.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 11:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   unholyghost2003 bang

    Am I the only one who thinks it is awesome that the Blogher ad network ad keeps playing the Henry the Hippo ad? BTW if the soap in the bathroom was Henry the Hippo soap with its blinking 20 sec timer … I would TOTALLY steal it and not feel guilty at all. That stuff looks SO FREAKING COOL!

    Jun 24, 2008 at 11:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   amazon bang

      My blogher ad is for birth control… I think they’re trying to tell me something…

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   KittyKat bang

    Stealing soap is NOT cool – it’s hot! Call me, baby, you dirty, dirty soap thief.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 11:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Phalange

      Wait, how can the soap thief be DIRTY, wouldn’t he be clean now that he has freshly pilfered soap?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Quite Contrary

    I thought soap was left out to be used by those sharing the space. When the bottle is empty, it is disposed of. Perhaps the bottles are “missing” because they were empty and thrown away.

    Or, perhaps I can start praying for a better understanding of the dilemma so I can be more sympathetic.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Rumblefish

    The toiletries from the second picture are obviously from the Pope’s bathroom.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 12:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Mishee bang

    OMG – I just REALLY looked and it’s not even soap in note #2! Windex and air freshener…

    Well, that’s a little different then…

    Jun 24, 2008 at 12:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   secondsout bang

      Try washing your face with that! You’ll never clean yourself again.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   MJaz

      Yeah, but it’s NAME BRAND stuff! I bet the generic crap doesn’t get the fancy-pants label.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   MJaz

      My last post reminded me of a former coworker, who told me that she would put the “Bounty” paper towels on the holder, but use the no-name cheapies when she didn’t have guests over. LOL.

      She was a nice lady though. No passive-aggressive notes stuck to the towel bar or anything.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Quite Contrary

      It’s a good guess that your former co-worker also had decorative towels that were not left out when guests were around either.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Sheepish bang

    “Nobody’s perfect… Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.”
    ~The Romans

    Jun 24, 2008 at 1:08 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Mishee bang

      I thought the Jews killed Christ. That’s what everyone always told me!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Sheepish bang

      i think that the Jews wanted Christ killed but the Romans did the killing.
      i was going to put ~The Jews but i changed it.
      it was a team effort.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 1:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   Mishee bang

      How could anyone be afraid of The Romans?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 1:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   Mark bang

      I thought it was the Judean People’s Front that killed Jesus.

      Blessed are the Cheesemakers…

      Jun 24, 2008 at 1:50 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      no no no The people’s Front of Judea

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.6   unholyghost2003 bang

      Oh and Mish yup, the Jews killed Christ “… and his little dog too!”

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.7   claw71 bang

      The Jews did want Jesus dead so they did what anybody else would do…they found the nearest Italian and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

      You wanna me to rough him up a bit, or just kill him quick and simple-like?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.8   Mishee bang

      Wait a minute – going back to the original comment… Jesus wasn’t perfect…

      I thought God was the only one who was perfect… geez Sheep! You really didn’t think this one out now did you?? :D

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.9   Sheepish bang

      *feeling sheepish*
      oh mishee… if only i had half the wit that the rest of you have.
      i want so badly to be funny.
      it’s probably because i try too hard.
      i’ll do better next time i promise.
      i won’t let you down again.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 3:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.10   KittyKat bang

      *sigh* I love Mark and UHG.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 4:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.11   Mishee bang

      It’s okay sheepish – just remember next time I call you out, you just need to say “Thank you sir, may I have another”

      Can I call you Chip?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 4:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.12   Sheepish bang

      only if you promise to spank me.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.13   Mark bang

      Ooh, and me! Yes, we all deserve a good spanking!

      -Zoot

      Jun 24, 2008 at 5:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.14   Mishee bang

      Hey, I bring up a great Animal House reference, and you had to bring in Holy Grail??? What’s with that Mark?

      You can’t cross genres like that man!!
      :D It was pretty good tho… I’m chuckling…

      And after the spanking, the oral sex.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 5:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   se

    NOTICE TO SOAP THIEF
    That last bottle of nice white liquid soap that you stole?
    It wasn’t SOAP.

    HAHAHAHA

    Jun 24, 2008 at 2:28 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Mishee bang

      But it made my skin so tight and everyone told me I had a glow

      WTF do you mean it’s not soap!?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   RunBarbara bang

      I washed my feminine areas with it and now I throw up every morning and Im craving pickles and ice cream…wait-
      Fuck.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   se

      uh,oh…
      there are now 15 mail sorters and security guards worried.
      actually a few of them are walking around proud.

      Jun 25, 2008 at 9:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   claw71 bang

    To the tune of “Jesus is Just All Right”…you can choose the Byrds or the Doobies. I’m partial to the Doobie Brothers myself. So is Mishee.

    Doo Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
    doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do

    Jesus will watch my soap for me
    Jesus will watch my soap, oh yeah
    Jesus will watch my soap for me
    Jesus will watch my soap

    I don’t care for dirt you know
    I don’t care for grime it’s gross
    I don’t care for missing soap
    Jesus will watch my soap, oh yeah
    Jesus will watch my soap.

    Don’t try to take my suds away
    It’s not a cool thing to do
    You’re a theif that’s what we’ll say
    Jesus will watch my soap for me
    Jesus will watch my soap.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 2:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   claw71 bang

      Do you suppose the songwriter was Jewish and wrote the song in response to all of his Christian pals who insisted Jesus is Lord and could walk on water?

      Again with the Jesus. Jesus schmeezus. Look, kid I don’t mean to be rude but he’s not the Messiah. Jesus is just all right with me.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 2:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Quite Contrary

      Mishee: before the van to hellfire leaves, we need to come to some sort of understanding re Claw. Is there any possible way I could convince you to share?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   RunBarbara bang

      QC, I will slap the taste out of your mouth! You know about the line. You know Mishee is first and then its my turn. Although, I dont mind sharing you might want to wipe the python down after Mishee has her go….I hear she steals ice cream…and you know what that means, right?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Miss Grace

    Not just this post, but all the posts on this site:
    I don’t understand where you find the time to put so much effort into the MAKING of the snarky notes. The half-crazed scrawls are at least quickly done. I think if I was willing to invest the time in typing shit out and inserting clipart, I would skip it and just yell at somebody.
    Which I guess is why I don’t make weird notes…

    Jun 24, 2008 at 3:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Quite Contrary

      Why deal with a problem directly when you can use fancy fonts, pink penises, clipart and multiple colored markers?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Numinous bang

      Dude, we LIVE for the snarky comments. If you don’t get it, then maybe you should just be grateful that you don’t know any of these people in person. I have a feeling that things could get truly wild if Claw and Mishee and RB and UHG and CB and everyone else got in the same room. Depending on Mishee’s mood, it might even get X-rated.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 4:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   Mishee bang

      I’m always in the mood….

      …the mood for python

      Jun 24, 2008 at 4:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   Moonsilver bang

      “And now for something completely different…”

      Oh sorry, not that kind of python, huh?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 5:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   Canthz_B bang

      I’m pure as the driven snow!
      I’d never be a part of such debauchery! :-P

      Jun 24, 2008 at 5:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.6   Mishee bang

      CB – That’s the dirty snow that’s on the side of the road right? Cause I don’t think it’s that pure!! :D

      (Get it? driven snow?? Har!)

      Jun 24, 2008 at 5:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.7   Mark bang

      Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow…

      Jun 24, 2008 at 5:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.8   Kev Orng

      Great Googly Moogly!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 8:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.9   bellabeastie

      Well well Miss Grace.

      Welcome to the world of half-crazed scrawls and snarky comments. So happy you could join us, and thank you for your weird note. I think.

      So sorry that my clip-arty party has ended before you arrived. Darnit.

      I was typing shit out and was going to yell at somebody, but I quickly lost interest in the project.

      And if you feel the need to “shit out” better yell at Casey in Human Services and PRAY that you get the key.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 10:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.10   RunBarbara bang

      amen, brothers. now whos ready for a snarky dildo party?

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.11   Numinous bang

      Hmmmm… Is that so you can make snarky comments about the dildos, or do the dildos make snarky comments when you use them?

      Jun 25, 2008 at 2:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Canthz_B bang

    Stealing soap is not a fond murmur.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 4:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   vivitop

    Stealing soap IS cool

    Jun 24, 2008 at 4:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Kev Orng

      Your mom says its cool!

      Jun 24, 2008 at 5:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   RunBarbara bang

      Your mom said that I have the most perfect fist she’s ever seen up close. She meant it, to. You cant fake orgasms like that.

      Jun 24, 2008 at 11:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.3   vivitop

      At least my mom doesn’t stink!

      Jun 25, 2008 at 10:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   xindi

    God forbid people use soap regularly and promote everyone’s general well-being. That would be disgusting. Soap Thief must die.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 4:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   secondsout bang

    Maybe the soap isn’t stolen. Maybe it was just used really quickly. As in, this is the bathroom for the obsessive-compulsive, and they have been obsessively washing their hands so much that the soap is just gone. Now it’s your fault, shitty hospital, for not supplying enough soap or windex or whatever’s in note #2.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 5:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   WPoFD

    Shouldn’t be too hard to find the soap thief after a few days…

    Jun 24, 2008 at 6:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   cricket bang

    er…if you’re calling him/her a ‘soap thief’, I think the fact that they steal is pretty much a given.

    Jun 24, 2008 at 7:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   snee

    that soap was fucking delicious!

    (i know, i know–so last week…)

    Jun 25, 2008 at 12:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   zombieBlanco bang

      -so last week year

      Jun 25, 2008 at 12:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   snee

      last week for me; i just started reading this site!

      Jun 25, 2008 at 11:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Crash bang

    Note #3

    I wonder what their doing with the soap…
    Shouldn’t they have some sanitizer…for the soap…after that ? :mrgreen:

    Maybe the thief was from the Health Department :?

    Jun 25, 2008 at 1:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Ryan

    Recommendation: You should put some chains and a lock on that soap then mock the soap thief with signs – laughing at their inability to steal the lathery goodness.

    Also, I recommend writing the sign so that it portrays the numerous vandals as one diligent but inept soap thief (who keeps trying again and again to steal the soap) to really strike at their black heart.

    Jun 25, 2008 at 10:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Calophi

      Couldn’t a *really* diligent soap thief just use the soap until it was small enough to slip out of the chains, and then steal it anyway?

      Jun 25, 2008 at 3:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   Will It Work

      Unless it was liquid soap.

      Jun 25, 2008 at 3:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   TC

    I am pretty sure there is something in Deuteronomy about coveting thy’s Softsoap.

    Jun 25, 2008 at 2:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Bright Idea

    If you really don’t want people to use your precious liquid soap, your passive-aggressive sign should say: “Dear Sharer of My Soap: I hope you have been enjoying my soap. You might notice that over the past three days your skin has become softer in feel and brighter in tone. That is because my boyfriend has been masturbating into the bottle. Keep enjoying his spooge (as have I). Sincerely, Spunky Brewster”

    That should take care of things.

    Jun 26, 2008 at 9:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   scott w

    The overuse of ‘that’ makes me crazy.

    Jul 1, 2008 at 10:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   tomservo bang

    But that is something that makes that such a great sticker on that bottle!

    Jul 2, 2008 at 3:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   stephanie

    SO, I keep my laundry detergent in the basement with several other tenants’ soap, and I came downstairs to find my soap was GONE.
    I took the great idea of the above with a little spin– “Stealing laundry detergent is NOT cool. Now my clothes are dirty… AND SO IS YOUR SOUL! THANKS. :(

    Jul 15, 2008 at 12:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Tool

    Soap is for dirty stuff. Head shrinks are for issues. Which one does not belong in the bathroom?

    Nov 12, 2008 at 9:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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