courtney in california spotted this in the front yard of a neighborhood she happened to be cruising through today — one she says is “full of blue-hairs.”
adds courtney: “i may be knocking on this person’s front door sometime this week. i HAVE to know what melba’s letter said!”
related: you can do it. we can’t help
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FILED UNDER: MYOB · california · crazypants · exclamation-point happy! · old folks · spelling and grammar police
— Wade
"customer service" "helpful" advice a little patronizing actions speak louder actually totally reasonable all-staff e-mail anthropomorphism art austin australia bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach boston brooklyn bullet points california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe confusion??? crazypants d.c. die bitch die dishes dogs e-mail ellipses-crazed ex drama excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family florida food frenemies fridge garbage gloriously redundant group bitchfest guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene illinois irregular capitalization jersey jesus kids kitchen landlord laundry london los angeles martyr complex massachusetts mean girls meta michigan microwave moms & dads money more aggressive than passive music neighbors new york noise north carolina not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh no you didn't oh snap old folks ontario opening/closing p.s. parking piss pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell rhetorical question roommates saga san diego san francisco sarcasm say wha? seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley smoking spelling and grammar police stealing temperature texas thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting toilet toronto touching u.k. university unnecessary "quotation marks" virginia visual aids water whiteboard wtf? you call that punctuation?
110 responses so far ↓
#1
Lori
too bad cardboard doesn’t have spell check.
Jun 25, 2008 at 10:44 am rating: +36
#2
RunBarbara
This is one step from roadside attraction- all it needs is a few strands of Christmas lights, a plywood Santa and a few urban legends circulating about what happens if you turn around three times and shout Melba’s name….
Jun 25, 2008 at 10:48 am rating: +20
#3
unholyghost2003
When telling people to mind their own business it is best to broadcast the message to the entire neighborhood. THAT is the sure way to be certain that things are kept private.
Jun 25, 2008 at 10:48 am rating: +39
#4
My own buisness
MELBA!!!!
Why is your toast so good?!!
Jun 25, 2008 at 10:48 am rating: +19
#5
Mishee
This is how they did P/A notes before the invention of e-mail.
Jun 25, 2008 at 10:51 am rating: +22
#6
john
an interesting mix of upper and lower case letters…
Jun 25, 2008 at 10:53 am rating: +1
#7
KittyKat
WTF is a letter?
Jun 25, 2008 at 10:56 am rating: +8
#8
Al
I wonder if this letter was written by the Friend, or on their behalf? If it is the latter, there’s a bit of hypocrisy goin’ on. I heart hypocrisy.
Jun 25, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: +3
#9
Ryan
To Self: “I certainly hope Melba drives by the old homestead to see the weirdo sign I put out front. And I hope she takes time to read it. Caus’ boy, am I mad!”
Seriously: What fool what decide to air their dirty laundry like this – on their own front lawn?
Jun 25, 2008 at 11:02 am rating: +2
#10
karla
All this note needs for perfection is :
THX SANDRA
Well, that and clip art.
I just made it my desktop background!
Jun 25, 2008 at 11:03 am rating: +3
#11
GhostWriter
The beautiful part is that Melba lives right across the street, and has to view the note every time she looks out her front window (through her venetian blinds).
Jun 25, 2008 at 11:11 am rating: +9
#12
Mishee
I bet you $10 that the “upsetting letter” had something to do with a cat.
Jun 25, 2008 at 11:18 am rating: +21
#13
Al
I hope the letter has something to do with swinging.
Jun 25, 2008 at 11:20 am rating: +8
#14
drago
this isn’t really passive-aggressive…
Jun 25, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: 0
#15
KittyKat
Anyone notice the little heart cutouts in the shutters? Niiiice.
Jun 25, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: +2
#16
secondsout
*said in best pro wrestler voice*
My buisness is Passive Aggression. And buisness is gooood!
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:20 pm rating: +6
#17
pwiggly
sounds like melba is toast.
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:20 pm rating: +2
#18
mere
which letter was it?
i bet it was ‘q’. ‘q’ can be upsetting..
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:21 pm rating: +27
#19
secondsout
If you could see to the left of this sign, there would likely be a pink flamingo lawn ornament, or a plywood cutout of an old woman bending over in the garden.
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:21 pm rating: +3
#20
secondsout
Dear Ethel,
Your husband Otis came on to me the other night. We were down at the senior center and I was wearing my bathrobe really tight. I was on a hot streak at bingo, and he got his Viagra pills mixed up with his metamucil. He couldn’t help himself much longer, so he asked me to go foxtrot with him in the ballroom. One thing led to another, so he invited me to at 4:45pm dinner at the Country Buffet. I was drunk with the passion in his eyes. We went back to my apartment, watched The Price is Right, and, well, I’ll spare you the details.
Suffice to say, he says he’s tired of a woman who just lies in bed and doesn’t help. He’s mine, now, bitch!
Oh, and I made some fudge for your grandkids.
Miles of smiles,
Melba
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:27 pm rating: +58
#21
trifioso
Melba, you have upset your friend….
but your toast was f*cking delicious!
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:33 pm rating: +5
#22
Cowgirlgraphics
I sit here and ponder the *no good reason.* Is there ever a good reason? In the end Melba is told to *mind your own business* which leads me to believe that there was a good reason, one that someone didn’t like being called out on. No matter what, Melba is toast. She was just trying to be a friend.
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:37 pm rating: 0
#23
Buschman
Public airing out of personal affairs is no way to conduct buisness!
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:43 pm rating: +2
#24
claw71
I wonder how many complaints the city code enforcement division got from nosey old hags complaining about the big, unapproved sign posted in the yard down the street.
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:47 pm rating: +9
#25
claw71
I really need more background.
Who is the friend? Who posted the sign and what relationship do all these people have?
I think it’s ironic that Melba is being told to mind her own business. Isn’t the person who posted this sign meddling in affairs to which they are not directly affiliated?
What’s more, the author clearly doesn’t share the same affection for the offended party that Melba does. If so the sign would read our friend or my friend.
Jun 25, 2008 at 12:54 pm rating: +5
#26
hibousoir
Is this from Yucaipa? Every other yard in Yucaipa has a sign in the front yard, but most of them have to do with repenting or accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Also, lots of blue-hairs in that town. Blue-hairs, yard signs . . . hm.
Jun 25, 2008 at 1:14 pm rating: +4
#27
nmallen
Is Melba’s friend a wallaby named “Rocko”?
Jun 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm rating: +1
#28
Kev Orng
This buiznitch is the shuiznit!
Jun 25, 2008 at 1:59 pm rating: +2
#29
TC
The landscaping and rock formations are something right out of HGTV’s ‘Curb Appeal’.
Jun 25, 2008 at 2:05 pm rating: +3
#30
Quite Contrary
I think the note was written by Melba (Toast)’s neighbor Graham (Cracker).
Jun 25, 2008 at 2:28 pm rating: +8
#31
Sarah
The Ugly One, why you always gotta be all up in my bweez-NASS?
Jun 25, 2008 at 3:00 pm rating: +5
#32
Freddie
I think this is my favorite PAN ever. That’s a thing of beauty.
Jun 25, 2008 at 3:11 pm rating: +1
#33
Sheepish
Buisness Time
I heart Flight of the Conchords
Jun 25, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: +6
#34
xindi
And whose buisness should the sign-writer be minding? Unless she normally refers to herself in the third person. Which is equally freaky.
Is this the same Melba as the acclaimed Melba Toast family?! Oh, I guess everyone already picked up on that. But when it’s Zwieback’s turn, I’ll be ready….
Jun 25, 2008 at 5:23 pm rating: 0
#35
not my problem
So the note upset her friend for no good reason? Then I wouldn’t worry about it Melba.
Jun 25, 2008 at 5:31 pm rating: +2
#36
First Timer
Long-time fan of the site, but this is my first time posting! Here goes – to the tune of Kenny Rogers’ “Oh Ruby”:
You look so sweet and harmless with curlers in your blue hair
Melba, no one would know of the malice that lurks there
So get me some cardboard, I’ve got some laundry to air
Oh Melba
Mind your own buisness
Well now I’ve told the whole neighborhood of your treason
Everyone knows about your letter (period) And it wasn’t pleasin’
And I added four exclamation points – for no good reason
Oh Melba
Mind your own buisness
It wasn’t me that started this whole crazy-biddy war
But now you have hurt your dearest friend and tell me, what for?
It won’t be long before Courtney’s knocking at the door
Oh Melba
Mind your own buisness
Jun 25, 2008 at 5:40 pm rating: +15
#37
Candice
Why all the exclamation points after MELBA?? I guess she was thinking, “Melba might not see this big ass sign on my lawn addressed to her so maybe I’ll add four exclamation points behind her name just to be sure this bitch knows I mean buisness.”
Jun 25, 2008 at 6:15 pm rating: +3
#38
Candice
From that handwriting, I’m almost positive that Gertrude (aka Your Friend) was once an elementary school teacher in a one-room schoolhouse somewhere.
Jun 25, 2008 at 6:18 pm rating: 0
#39
agong
That letter was lovingly painted and than propped up at JUST the right angle for maximum BUISNESS!
Jun 25, 2008 at 6:23 pm rating: 0
#40
SquirrelBrains
I bet Melba doesn’t actually exist. She is an imaginary 6 foot tall rabbit whose only crime in life was to comment on how homely this lady’s grandchildren are.
Jun 25, 2008 at 7:23 pm rating: +3
#41
Quite Contrary
This certainly does not look like Marin County. I’m thinking Riverside County.
Jun 25, 2008 at 10:18 pm rating: 0
#42
hmmm..
Well, I was thinking, what if the letter writer is an old man. Melba’s friend has been getting frisky with him, and Melba doesn’t like it, so she writes her a letter. This would explain the whole “your friend” part of the sign. It’s “your friend” because they are female friends, but not the letter writer’s friend, because well, they are much more than friends. Hmmmm
Jun 26, 2008 at 1:32 am rating: 0
#43
Rowdy
this is worse than the light brown apple moth debacle!!
Jun 26, 2008 at 10:03 am rating: +1
#44
JPav
I am disappointed that the sign is not wrapped in plastic to protect it from the elements. The lack of duct tape is also alarming.
Jun 26, 2008 at 1:37 pm rating: +1
#45
The Commish
I hope when the poster asks the blue hair what the letter said she let’s us all know. I’m dying over here.
Jun 26, 2008 at 8:41 pm rating: 0
#46
TuesdayPillow
All that runs through my head is, “Mind your own BWEEEEZNESS”! Teehee.
Jun 27, 2008 at 6:35 am rating: 0
#47
Jinx
I bet Melba will a better pretty good reason next time she sends an upsetting letter! XP
Jun 27, 2008 at 2:32 pm rating: 0
#48
benefis healthcare
Please let me know if there are any equally great sites like this you can recommend to me. Thanks Again
May 20, 2009 at 5:27 am rating: 0
#49 is your babysitter trying to get in your kid’s pants?
[...] related: you’re toast [...]
Jul 11, 2009 at 7:31 pm rating: 0
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