spinal manipulation

June 26th, 2008 · 231 comments

after messing up his back, clay in knoxville figured he’d give a chiropractor a shot, but when the doc he saw refused to show him the x-rays he’d taken until after a “seminar” about payment plans — oh, and treatment options — clay decided to take his aching back else where. a few days later, he got this caring follow-up letter in the mail.

UPDATE: too good to be true, you say? clay clarifies: “the reason I didn’t block out the “woodacre” is that it was wrong - it was wrong on my charts and i pointed it out to the receptionist. one page even had a “verified by” signature on it and ALL my information was wrong. i have no idea how they got the address right on the envelope and wrong on the letterhead (the same as on the paperwork i pointed out to them), but they did.”

related: happy to be of service

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FILED UNDER: "customer service" · a little patronizing · knoxville · oh-so-sincerely · tennessee · thanks (but not really)

231 responses so far ↓

#1 catherine

wow, this is like a drawn out “i’m sorry that you suck”. what a gem!

Jun 26, 2008 at 1:00 am rating: +14

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- #1.1 Ryan
  
  But what about the children??!!!???
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:07 am rating: +1
- #1.2 Michael
  
  This is a hoax. There’s no Woodacre or “Wood Acre” Road in Knoxville, TN. At least not according to google and mapquest. Nice one, though.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 4:04 pm rating: +2
- #1.3 trixare4kids
  
  Michael, whoever you are, you stole MY comment made flickr, without crediting me, you plagiarizer!
  http://www.flickr.com/photos/8326992@N08/2611808291/
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 5:12 pm rating: +2
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#2 Mark

I totally sympathize with this! I went to a “health screening” (i.e. some dude looked at me as I stood in front of him) at a chiropractor booth at a beer festival recently, the dude found (surprise) that my spine is misaligned, and the chiropractor has called me at least three times a day since then. I recognize the phone number after the first couple calls trying to sucker me into an appointment, and now I ignore it. I must not take my health seriously enough.

Sincerely,
Mark
B.S.Ch.E., M.S.E., P.E.

Jun 26, 2008 at 1:03 am rating: +24

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- #2.1 zombieBlanco
  
  peb schemes?
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 1:42 am rating: +1
- #2.2 secondsout
  
  I once heard the advice that you don’t go to a lawyer, doctor or dentist who advertises. Good practitioners don’t need advertisement; they should get the word-of-mouth referrals. Whether or not you believe chiropractic is quackery, any reputable chiropractor is not likely to be setting up shop at a beer festival. Did this dude offer to sell you any snake oil while he was there?
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 2:14 am rating: +6
- #2.3 anglophile
  
  If this does not convince you of the evils of drinking, Mark, I don’t know what will!
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 7:11 am rating: +5
- #2.4 Mark
  
  Yeh, I’d had a couple at the time, so I was slouching a little. And my inhibitions were lowered, so I didn’t flinch at giving out my phone number (which I’m usually reticent to do). I’m paying for it now. 3 calls yesterday — 10am, 1:30pm, 6:30pm. 2 the day before. I ignored them all. Yes, a little P-A, I know… I’m wondering when they’ll figure out that I’m not interested.
  
  Sout, I think you’re right, I should have known better than to trust a chiropractor who advertises at a beer festival (and of course finds something wrong with everybody that stops at his booth). There was no snake oil, but there was a spinal alignment gajiggeridoo, basically a frame with several strings that can slide around. You stand in front of it, and the guy slides string around behind you, assumedly corresponding to your spinal alignment (though I have no reason to believe it is correct…) and then you step away and look and… surprise, it’s all out of alignment! Surely you want to come in for a health screening and x-ray! Only $40, normally $250!!!1!
  
  OK, enough babbling.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 10:42 am rating: 0
- #2.5 EyeHeartA2
  
  WOW. All those titles. I’m impressed. You have more degrees than a thermometer.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:03 am rating: +1
- #2.6 Ruth
  
  Wait– you went to a health screening at a beer festival and didn’t expect it to be some kind of scam in which a “doctor” convinces drunk people they need to come to his clinic? Were you drunk?
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:03 pm rating: +1
- #2.7 Amanda
  
  I, too, had a similar experience with a “drop your business card in this box for a free massage (and ahem ahem in small print a consultation). It is unfortunate that there are so many smarmy chiropractors - even if the whole practice isn’t bunk (jury’s still out) these sniveling guys just have nothing positive to counteract my or anyone else’s suspicions.
  
  Jun 30, 2008 at 1:29 pm rating: 0
- #2.8 Dr.T
  
  It’s unfortunate that there are poor examples and “smarmy” practitioners in every field–they tend to be the “loudmouth at the party” and are often in the limelight, much to the chagrin of the rest of the profession.
  As secondsout says above, most of my referrals come from word-of-mouth, but new practitioners are often forced by their employers or encouraged by their “marketing gurus” to make bad choices in how they present themselves to the public. I’ve had to do all kinds of marketing over the years I’ve been practicing–I’m not proud of some of those events, but sometimes one has to do what one needs to do to put food on the table, even if it means lowering yourself down a notch or three…
  
  Jul 9, 2008 at 11:56 am rating: 0
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#3 The Great Joe Bivins

If you wish to avoid dying, please give me a call and I’m sure I’ll drop whatever I’m doing and see you immediately! That is if you would like to not die.

Jun 26, 2008 at 1:06 am rating: +28

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#4 zombieBlanco

That loopy-ass signature is scary even tho’ it’s partially blacked-out. Sends shivers up my spine just imagining being manipulated by this freak.

Jun 26, 2008 at 1:09 am rating: +5

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- #4.1 Mishee
  
  I wonder what happened to our resident Criminologist and his handwriting analysis.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 10:33 am rating: +1
- #4.2 bellabeastie
  
  Hmm — good question. Maybe he had a “big job” with the CIA and is in the witness protection program because of his boundless knowledge.
  
  Team call Homeland Security and hope he has the bathroom key cuz he may be in there for a while.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:59 pm rating: 0
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#5 PANU

After they got all his money, I’m sure they wouldn’t take his health seriously either.

Jun 26, 2008 at 1:13 am rating: +12

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#6 Conlan

U.S. Mail, professional letterhead… Maybe he really is sorry. This one’s a hall-of-famer.

Jun 26, 2008 at 1:17 am rating: +6

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#7 leigh

What a crock!

I’m sending this to my chiropractor because I know that he’ll get a kick out of it.

Jun 26, 2008 at 1:18 am rating: +8

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- #7.1 GoodNamesGone
  
  Totally.
  
  My Chiro wouldn’t touch my back till he showed me the x-rays, and made sure I understood what was wrong and was sure I wanted him to do something.
  
  And when it came to pricing, there was no seminar, it was him looking at my co-pay and telling me what worked. Even before he looked at my insurance he said he’d try his best to make it reasonably priced if I didn’t have medical.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 2:02 pm rating: +1
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#8 Sarah

His signature looks like a freaking EKG.

Jun 26, 2008 at 1:45 am rating: +5

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#9 secondsout

I already don’t take chiropractors seriously. This note is just another reason why.

A friend of mine had a father who was a chiropractor. He was claiming that if you are marked as an organ donor, then the people in the ER will just let you die so that they can harvest your organs. He claimed to know because his dad was a doctor. Oh, a doctor? Funny, I could have sworn that chiropractors don’t have much access to emergency rooms.

Jun 26, 2008 at 2:08 am rating: +14

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- #9.1 amazon
  
  Duh! Everyone know that if you have the organ donor sticker on your drivers license, when you go to the emergency room, they’ll harvest your ograns, whether or not you’re even dying.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 8:01 pm rating: 0
- #9.2 secondsout
  
  And there’s documented proof!!
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 8:12 pm rating: +1
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#10 Canthz_B

Please be advised that attending our almost-free “payment seminar” is essential to your good health.

Jun 26, 2008 at 2:37 am rating: +17

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- #10.1 Burghardt
  
  Please be advised that attending our almost-free “payment seminar” is essential to ~~your~~ our good health.
  
  there, fixed.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 3:42 am rating: +12
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#11 Pants

I had a chiropractor yell to his receptionist (in front of a full waiting room) to cancel my remaining appointments because I couldn’t take his pain anymore. Those freaking adjustments were HELL.

Jun 26, 2008 at 3:12 am rating: +1

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#12 Tyler

My Dad visited a chiropractor once and felt better after his first appointment. He didn’t feel better at the end of it when the “Doctor” came out with a schedule to come and see him weekly for the next several months.

Jun 26, 2008 at 3:36 am rating: +1

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- #12.1 ljchan
  
  One time, at band camp, I had to go to the chiropractor because I was feeling out of tune.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 3:38 pm rating: +2
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#13 Burghardt

Q: How many chiropractors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just one, but it will require 3 sessions a week for six weeks.

Jun 26, 2008 at 3:40 am rating: +20

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- #13.1 expletive
  
  *rimshot*
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 1:17 pm rating: 0
- #13.2 Amanda
  
  Perfect.
  
  Jun 30, 2008 at 1:32 pm rating: 0
- #13.3 Joey's Stinky Foot
  
  Only six weeks?
  When I was 16 my mother signed us both up for chiropractic therapy at some town fair. Bless her gullible heart, she thought it would help me because I had scoliosis. We had to come in three times a flipping week and at first it seemed to help…that was, until the chiropractor didn’t really seem to give a damn anymore and had begun to make me feel as if I was wasting HIS precious time. He’d rush in and take about 15 seconds to give me adjustments that were so rough they were painful, and I actually had to tell him to tone it down. He always seemed to have time to ask about payments, though. Eventually I told my mother that I refused to go anymore because the adjustments were painful and it wasn’t doing anything to relieve the pain from my scoliosis. My mom complied easily, whereas the chiropractic office gave me that whole song and dance about how I apparently don’t care about my health. I snapped right back telling them that, on the contrary, I do care about my health–and that’s why I quit the chiropractor.
  If it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck…
  
  Jul 1, 2008 at 11:15 am rating: +1
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#14 cricket

the chiro forgot to list his Ph.D in P-A.

Jun 26, 2008 at 6:15 am rating: +2

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- #14.1 Joey's Stinky Foot
  
  Ph.D? What’s that?
  
  signed,
  The Chiropractor
  
  Jul 1, 2008 at 11:17 am rating: 0
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#15 Rev Matt

This is standard practice for chiros. News flash: if they have to engage in emotional manipulation and hard sells it’s probably because they can’t get repeat business.

Jun 26, 2008 at 6:51 am rating: +6

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#16 Troy McClure

I really thought the way you talked was neat
The other day with the office staff who work for me
But you’re staying out of reach
I guess you’d rather go to the beach
And I’m scared that we won’t meet—I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you

You’re the only one who can decide you’re gonna take
Your health seriously, and get rid of that back-ache
It would really make my day
If you’d visit lots (and pay)
Please know we are available to help you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you

But you’re always out of reach
I guess you’d rather go to the beach
And I’m scared that we won’t meet
I’ve got bills to pay, can’t you see
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
Touch you, touch you, touch you, touch you, touch you
(Here’s the original)

Jun 26, 2008 at 7:24 am rating: +13

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- #16.1 Max
  
  Brilliant!
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 8:19 am rating: 0
- #16.2 C
  
  I was scrolling through the comments and the mock Catherine Wheel lyrics caught me off guard! Love your reworked song, love the original–just saw Rob D. perform last night in Philly.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 9:27 am rating: 0
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#17 Canthz_B

Can you imagine having someone who is about the manipulate your spine asking you if your payments are up to date?
The correct answer is a loud “Yes!”

Jun 26, 2008 at 8:14 am rating: +1

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#18 RALPHY

I think I’d perfer to remain spinless, rather than submit to a siminar on “Payment plans and treatment options”. It’s not like I really need my spine if this quack makes a booboo.

Jun 26, 2008 at 8:51 am rating: 0

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- #18.1 Bellabeastie
  
  “spinless”
  
  ????
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 10:13 am rating: +2
- #18.2 park rose
  
  Cut the guy some slack. It was his response to the rejection letter from the Whirling Dervish Academy of Dance.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 10:24 am rating: +8
- #18.3 Mishee
  
  “siminar”?
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 10:37 am rating: +1
- #18.4 Pajibill
  
  “perfer”?
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:12 am rating: +1
- #18.5 Tyler
  
  “quak”?
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:24 am rating: +1
- #18.6 secondsout
  
  So if Ralphy is actually spineless, like I think he meant to type, what does that make him? A slug? An earthworm?
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:25 am rating: 0
- #18.7 Mishee
  
  …jellyfish?
  
  I don’t even want to speculate on “siminar” though…
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:40 am rating: 0
- #18.8 secondsout
  
  So long as it’s not a “semenar”
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: +1
- #18.9 Mishee
  
  possibly scimitar?
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: +2
- #18.10 RunBarbara
  
  i went to a “semenar” once. i left with an sore eye and dreadlocks.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 12:06 pm rating: +4
- #18.11 Mishee
  
  as long as they didn’t “perfer” your “spinless” RB!
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 12:14 pm rating: +1
- #18.12 cricket
  
  secondsout, I hope to hell you meant ’seminar’ because ’semenar’ sounds very gross and sticky.
  
  hot damn, I do love it here!
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 1:09 pm rating: +1
- #18.13 secondsout
  
  Cricket, I’m quite the fastidious speller, so I’m well aware that “semenar” is something that sounds gross and sticky. That’s why I hope that Ralphy didn’t mean such a thing.
  
  Jun 26, 2008 at 1:46 pm rating: 0
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#19 Canthz_B

Thanks to the “Obesity Epidemic” in the US, some chiropractors are making “phat money”!

Jun 26, 2008 at 8:57 am rating: 0

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#20 xindi

I’ll be baaaaack! And I am baaaack!

Jun 26, 2008 at 9:08 am rating: 0

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#21 theblackdog

That health was fucking delicious.

*ducks*

Jun 26, 2008 at 9:12 am rating: +5

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#22 xindi

This is Spinal Tap. The rudeness goes to eleven.

Jun 26, 2008 at 9:17 am rating: +19

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#23 einekleinetiger

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over