Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

June 26th, 2008 · 178 comments

5. Being a stupid, illiterate jerk.

If you are physically or mentally incapable or putting these back in their correct spots, then please just leave them there. DO NOT just stick it anywhere just because you are in a hurry. People that do that PISS me off and make it hard for everyone else who knows the alphabet and is looking for a CD that is supposed to be there but isn't. If you are a JERK who is stashing the CD with the intention of coming back for it, you are LYING to yourself. We'd be happy to hold it until the end of the next day if you would just let us know. DON'T BE STOOPID!!!

4. What, can’t you read?

'Scuze us a sec...If you don't know the alphabet very well or you haven't been fully trained on how to put records back where they belong, please leave and come back with someone who can accompany you through this confusing process. For our good customers, please enjoy our current selection!

3. Seriously, are you fucking illiterate?

 EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY!!! Do NOT use this door as an exit unless there is an emergency. If you use this door, you'll be met by us at the top of the stars and possibly held for the police as a shoplifter. At the very least, you'll be 86'd from both Recycled Records, never to return. Neither of us would like to see that happen, now would we? After all, the stuff's only a buck...

2. Do we look like the kind of store that sells “I just called to say I love you”?

No more than two questions per customer

And last but not least…

1. The Internet (probably)

related: Our customers are always right…except when they’re wrong.

extra credit: thanks, mr. hipster

FILED UNDER: "customer service" · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Ithaca · most popular notes of 2008 · music · retail hell


178 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Quite Contrary

    I love bitter people. They write the best PA notes EVER.

    Jun 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   southern girl

    omg, lol, the sad part is…back in the day when I bought cds instead of making my own, I have put them way in the back, behind others, hiding them until I came back to purchase them, and never returned!

    Jun 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   b!tchzilla

      I would have done that BECAUSE of the sign…

      Sep 18, 2008 at 5:13 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   jess

    greed never pays…

    Jun 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   claw71 bang

      Nope. Greed collects.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:18 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Troy McClure bang

    But nothing beats alphabetical order!!!

    Jun 26, 2008 at 11:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Bikerbabee

    They closed because all the customers got tired of doing the employees’ work for them.
    -Team do your job and shut the f*ck up.

    Jun 26, 2008 at 11:41 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   lieberhaeschen

      team f*ck you, this looks like the best job ever!

      Jun 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Chucklyn

      “Team do your job and shut the f*ck up” ??

      HA!!!!

      Totally agree with that – well said!

      Jul 1, 2008 at 12:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Ambie

    “Scuz us a sec” certainly shows great knowledge and use of the alfabet … alfebet .. alphi..

    Dammit.

    Jun 26, 2008 at 11:57 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Burghardt

      You would think their physical and mental superiority would’ve landed them a better job than a music store shelf stocker.

      …and I think you meant Damnit, dear (unless you have a wide, flat tail).

      Jun 27, 2008 at 4:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   bellabeastie

      Is that hot for you?

      wide flat tail? Damnit – tell the truth…

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Amanda

      But Burghardt, I think you didn’t get the memo that music store employees are the hippest, baddest, most creative (read: intelligent) people whom you will ever have the honor of meeting. They just don’t feel like applying that intelligence toward The Man, because that, like, totally disrupts the sanctity of the Music, and it’s Meaning.

      Jun 30, 2008 at 1:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   hambone johnson

      i’m willing to bet that, just like many waitresses, bartenders and other retail employees, many record store clerks are just paying their way through school. what’s with the inferiority complex? i did work music retail to get through school, and i’ll tell you what, i never gave a shit what people bought… and experienced a game of “stump the record store clerk” daily.
      also, do i begrudge the bartender because he knows what booze is the best? it is his job, he probably knows.
      just a thought.

      Feb 25, 2009 at 8:17 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   fantasy bang

    ♫ ♪ The Day, The Music died……… ♪ ♫

    Jun 26, 2008 at 11:59 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   zombieBlanco bang

      The Alphabet Song

      ps: thank you miss fantasy for the earworm of the worst song ever

      Jun 27, 2008 at 12:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   fantasy bang

      …….oh, lil’ Zombie, you are so lucky I didn’t try

      for the whole damn song!

      ….i was singing, bye, bye, miss amercan pie……

      Jun 27, 2008 at 12:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   zombieBlanco bang

      Just remember miss fan…..

      …..there’s nothing like revenge for getting back at people.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 1:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   fantasy bang

      Oh Zombie, you will be humming that one until the earworms …. ♫ make the music DIE!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 1:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   zombieBlanco bang



                        ♫ For Fantasy

      Jun 27, 2008 at 1:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   secondsout bang

      How can either of those songs compare to the all-time worst earworm?

      All together:

      It’s a small world after all
      It’s a small world after all
      It’s a small world after all
      It’s a small, small world
      (repeat)

      Jun 27, 2008 at 3:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Sirius bang

      Hey, the earworm game is evil, especially on Friday. You could ruin a person’s whole weekend.

      Oh
      You
      Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang
      Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang
      We love you !

      FTW

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   tracy

      Worst. Earworm. Ever. =

      “Well i was shopping for a new car, which one’s me, a cool convertible or an S.U.V. Too bad I didn’t know my credit was whacked, now I’m driving off the lot in a used sub-compact…..”

      And its twin, “They say a man should always dress for the job he wants, so why’m dressed up like a pirate, in this restaurant. It’s all because some hacker, stole my identity, now I’m in here every evening serving chowder and iced tea…”

      Kill me now. Yes, I didn’t even look any of the lyrics up… they were already torturing me in my head.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 3:00 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   changeling

      its fun to stay at the YMCA
      its fun to stay at the YMCA
      they have everything for young men to enjoy
      you can hang out with all the boys

      Jun 27, 2008 at 3:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.10   changeling

      even worse imagine this sung by a bunch of three year olds. Every year at my kids daycare they have the little kids sing this at the “talent show”

      Jun 27, 2008 at 3:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.11   amazon

      Oh god! Now I’m gonna have chitty chitty bang bang stuck in my head until I can netflix that damn movie!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 4:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.12   Quite Contrary

      Let me help, Amazon. How about thinking of the worst song from the 70′s instead? Say “Afternoon Delight”?

      Really, no, you don’t have to thank me.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.13   EY

      On A CLEAR DAY,
      Rise and Look around you,,,
      And you’ll see whooo youuu arrree

      WHOO HOO !

      Jun 27, 2008 at 7:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.14   cricket bang

      ooooooohhhhhhhh I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 8:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.15   cricket bang

      I get knocked down
      but I get up again
      you ain’t ever gonna keep me down…

      Jun 27, 2008 at 8:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.16   Sarah

      I’m blue, da ba dee, da ba dai…

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.17   morpho aurora bang

      i always thought this was the most annoying song :D

      Jun 28, 2008 at 12:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.18   fantasy bang

      morpho aurora-

      YOU WIN!

      …..a complimentary recording of the most wretched song ever! Congratulation’s!

      Jun 28, 2008 at 12:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.19   Sarah

      I was expecting a rickroll. Now I’m disappointed.

      Jun 28, 2008 at 1:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.20   fantasy bang

      My dear Zombie ♥

      Thank You so much for the revenge remix! I will treasure it forever. Here is something for you Lil’ Zombie ♥

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQN96wJlTDM

      Jun 28, 2008 at 1:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.21   zombieBlanco bang


      the bestest zombie friends ♥ ♪

      Jun 28, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.22   Mishee bang

      Umm. I think this one wasn’t mentioned maybe cause everyone has blacked it out of their memory??

      I’m too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
      So sexy it hurts
      And I’m too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
      New York and Japan

      How’s THAT for an Earworm?!

      *cackles devlishly*

      Jun 28, 2008 at 12:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.23   Bikerbabee

      Y’all totally overlooked “Muskrat Love” if we are talking earworms from the 70′s.

      Jun 28, 2008 at 6:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.24   Quite Contrary

      And the “Pina Colada Song!” Aaargggh!

      Jun 29, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.25   Mishee bang

      Macarena…. ’nuff said…

      Jun 29, 2008 at 12:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   itmustbeken bang

    THIS is why people illegally download music.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 12:28 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   secondsout bang

      Oh, bullshit. I download music illegally because it’s free.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:48 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   RunBarbara bang

      i do it because i like stealing. if you dont nail something down, its going in my purse.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Mishee bang

      I do it so I can hear the funny fake songs that the artists (aHEM, Madonna) put out there to fool you…

      and the feeling of superiority when I finally get one of their songs and it’s real..

      Take THAT RIAA!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Crash bang

    I think the person who wrote note #3 has a “would” fettish.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 12:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   ryan

      haha. i was thinking the same thing

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   abeliever

      I would would agree

      Jun 28, 2008 at 4:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   YouRCunt

    Fuck the store with the two question limit. I would’ve gone in there and asked him what shoe he likes. Then I’d ask him how far up his ass he would like it.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 12:32 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   itmustbeken bang

      Wow, You are a cunt…no seriously, YouRCunt.
      That’s your name.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 12:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Sarah

    Dear passive-aggressive record store owners: People like me frequent your businesses because we want you to stay afloat. Maybe if you stopped being asspandas, you would have more customers.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 12:37 am   rating: 56  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   PercussionQueen7

      I might just have to steal “asspanda”. Hope you don’t mind.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 1:35 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   snee

      I MUST work “asspanda” into conversation tomorrow.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 2:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Crash bang

      I might just have to yell “asspanda” to any random person tomorrow,
      screw conversation… :mrgreen:
      “Hey asspanda !!”
      I Love it !!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 2:45 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   thebutterzone

      Is that spoken:
      ass panda, or Italian-like, ass-panda!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 3:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   Quite Contrary

      I called a coworker an asspanda today. They thought it was a compliment. I just smiled.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 7:56 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   unholyghost2003 bang

      I too must have “asspanda”

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   KikiMode

      “Asspanda” WIN!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.8   Agatha Christie

      I cackled out loud at asspanda, and the girls in my office thought I was having a fit.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 4:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.9   My own buisness

      ASSPANDA!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 5:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.10   Sarah

      Pretty much any ass______ combination works as a pejorative.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 10:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.11   Quite Contrary

      But there’s something about “panda.” Asshorse doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

      Jun 29, 2008 at 11:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Crash bang

    Note #5

    So I could be a spitefull asshole and it’s all good then, right ?
    As long as I’m not a stoopid jerk, or physically, or mentally incapable ?

    Jun 27, 2008 at 12:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   fink

      I’m pretty certain that “stoopid jerk” is an umbrella term, encompassing all forms of “asshole”.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Naks

      and asspandas

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Crash bang

      I think “stoopid” or rather stupid is someone who doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong.
      And asshole is someone who does, but doesn’t care….Like me !! :mrgreen:
      So it’s okay for asshole, right ?

      Jun 27, 2008 at 7:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   bellabeastie

      Hi Crash..ah.. asshole is harsh.

      Stoopid — is stupid. Chill. But why would you want to be an asshole?

      It’s so much easier to be nice- girls will like you more.. ;)

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   bellabeastie

      And I’m not effin kidding.
      Being a grrrll, I know how you can be — nice. ;)

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   fink

      stoopid, combined with jerk makes asshole

      1+1=2, people!

      Jun 28, 2008 at 12:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   zombieBlanco bang

    Poor employees! It’s tough to tell what came first, the music or the misery.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 12:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Quite Contrary

      I thought the letter “a” came first.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 7:57 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   My own buisness

      Our store put numbers first.

      Plus, we had a section for names starting with “Mc” that was separate from the “M” section.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 5:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Stitchin-Liz

      I hate when they put the “Mc” section off on its own, could they not figure out that Mc comes after Mb?

      Jun 27, 2008 at 6:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   bellabeastie

      That’s what happens when you have your own “buisness”.

      Everyone is all up is your Bwizz Nezz and they post signs on your lawn and you never ghetto any sleep for Lord’s sake.

      Hard to make the benjamins.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Ashley

    #3 – now in the case of an ACTUAL emergency, somebody might be stopping to read that sign to look for, oh, I don’t know, an emergency route out of the store/mall/where ever and now they are burning to death because they stopped to read about getting accusing of shoplifting. At least they have a nice music collection for someone to inherit, I mean, c’mon, this stuffs only a buck!!

    Jun 27, 2008 at 12:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   MalaSuerte

      Hey, note 3… is that from the Recycled Records University store in Reno, NV? Looks familiar… they had an awesome bargain basement.

      Never noticed an emergency exit, though… too busy reading signs.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 3:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Bellabeastie

      DO NOT USE THIS DOOR AS AN EXIT or you will be held at the top of the stairs and abducted by aliens who will anal probe you until you cry for your mommy.

      And we wouldn’t want that, would we?

      Jun 27, 2008 at 4:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   bellabeastie

      After all, this stuff is only a buck.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   fantasy bang

    I was so confused,and could not find anyone to accompany me since I was not trained properly……

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPxY8lpYAUM

    *oh, fuck this job….*

    Jun 27, 2008 at 1:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Captin Shmit

    Well this is a new record! I’ve already had my photo posted here after just a few hours of being a fan! (But what happened to linking to the flickr page? – http://www.flickr.com/photos/captinshmit/886992206/)

    Jun 27, 2008 at 1:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   secondsout bang

    Er, excuse me. No banging your head on the display case please, it contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide. Thank you.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 3:23 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Mishee bang

      Do you at least still have the photo of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore???

      Jun 27, 2008 at 5:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   bellabeastie

      I think I just want Sean Connery rodeo style with lots of tequila.

      I can take the wiplash. oooh baybay.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   secondsout bang

    Kudos to the PANGoddess for the High Fidelity quote on #2.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 3:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Hornby

      Yesss!!!!

      Cheers for offending golf buddies!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   hayley

    #5 – Oh, Fopp! I miss Fopp and their cheap cheap prices.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 3:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   CarsmileSteve

      dude! that is one of the five (?) fopps that reopened! it’s the one on cambridge circus in london’s trendy london.

      Jul 2, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   gc3160 - that homo that u know bang

    I used to work in home electronics and we all were responsible for a different section of the CDs, keeping it organized and in alphabetical order, with our department manger going so far as to place stickers with our names on them in hidden areas so she would know who to narc on to upper management if the section was not up to par. There was this one chick though who was a fanatic about the whole CD area and would spend hours O.C.D.ily alphabetizing and organizing the music instead of doing important ish like helping customers. It wasn’t until after one of our managers forced her to quit for being a worthless piece of space whom lacked motivation to actually do most of her job, that I realized how farking much I hated organizing and fixing the music section. To make it worse, I am in the South & surrounded by xenophobic, racist rednecks & because I was the only one that listened to Reggaeton & had half a clue about Hispanic music, my assigned section was the Spanish language music, which was so horribly f_cked from normal customer laziness and the inability of my co-workers to put Spanish music in proper alphabetic order. One time a co-worker & I were putting up new music stock & she commented that there sure were a lot of music CDs to go into the L section. I was like how so and she said well tons of the band names start with Los. I very nicely informed her that Los in Espanol is the English version of The and therefore she shouldn’t alphabetize by that word. Also I hated the fact that my co-workers would refer to the Hispanic section when making their racist/xenophobic comments as the Mexican music section. I was like wtf, not everyone who speaks Spanish is Mexican. Fun times then. Ha!

    Jun 27, 2008 at 5:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   aaa

      Aside, from the “los” thing, the alphabet’s the same in English or Spanish (well, if you don’t count the diacritics). Maybe crapping up the Hispanic section was their way of striking back at the impure unwhites infiltrating their country.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 6:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Quite Contrary

      Did we not learn anything from the spine thread! Cliff notes, people!!!!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Mark bang

      To be extremely pedantic, the Spanish alphabet includes more letters than the English alphabet, not including the diacritics. ll, ñ, rr, ch are all considered letters.

      Thank you, come again.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   Burghardt

      To be extremely, er, pedanticker, I believe no Spanish words begin with enyay (I don’t have that key on my keyboard) or rr, so they don’t count toward alphabetizing.

      I like the word “diacritic”, though. It sounds like a word that would describe people on this site. “OMG, stop being such a diacritic!”

      Jun 27, 2008 at 1:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.5   RunBarbara bang

      i dont have an enya key, either…which is good. you can only hear “sail away” so many times before your ears start to bleed.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.6   Summer

      ~
      n that’s about at close as I can get.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 3:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.7   Mark bang

      If you have a full keyboard (i.e. with number pad on the right), you can type ascii codes. By holding down the alt key and typing 164 on the number pad, then letting go of the alt key, that brings up ñ. Also:
      160=á
      161=í
      162=ó
      227=?
      242=?
      248=°

      There are others, from 0 to 255.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 4:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.8   Mark bang

      Apparently all of them don’t show up correctly when posted here, though they showed up fine when I typed them. 227 is a “pi” symbol and 242 is a “greater-than-or-equal-to” symbol.

      There are others — 26 lower-case letters, 26 upper-case letters (I’m assuming English language here, heh), 10 digits, bunches of punctuation, 26 (?) greek letters, various shaded boxes…

      Jun 27, 2008 at 4:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.9   bellabeastie

      Ooh snap ! I guess it’s time to upgrade from my abacus.

      Shit. Hope Best Buy has a sale on.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   babybat

    The last one is a picture of dear, departed FOPP, here in London. It was a great record store, and then the chain literally went bankrupt overnight, leaving most of the staff out 4+ weeks wages. Can’t say I really blame the staff for leaving PA notes given the circumstances – I’d be walking out with anything that wasn’t chained down to try and recoup my losses!

    Jun 27, 2008 at 5:28 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   tom

      but the funny thing is that this branch of Fopp (I think it’s the Shaftesbury Avenue one in London) has now reopened…

      Jun 27, 2008 at 7:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Nightwalker

    Can anyone tell me what they mean by saying “you’ll be 86′d”? (Item 3)

    Jun 27, 2008 at 6:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   TuesdayPillow

      ’86′d means you’ll be dropped like a bad habit, man.

      Booted.

      Kiz-icked Iz-Out.

      Word.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 6:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   killer-tofu

      in restaurants they use it to mean that there is no more of a particular item.

      i don’t know if that goes anywhere else like retail or not…

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      From Wikipedia so “Citation Needed” but…

      “Article 86 of the New York state liquor code which defines the circumstances in which a bar patron should be refused service or “86ed”"

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Abe Froman

      Legend has it that during the Prohibition Era, a speakeasy in New York would quickly remove their contraband through a small door marked with an “86″. When the cops came to bust up the party, the owners would “86″ the booze into the back alley. Saw it on Discovery Channel! So it must be true!

      Jun 28, 2008 at 9:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   PANU bang

      Ferris? ↑

      Jun 28, 2008 at 9:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   Abe Froman bang

      Yes, I am the Sausage King of Chicago.

      Jun 28, 2008 at 10:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Scaryduck

    “Do I only get two questions?”

    “Yes”

    “Really?”

    “Yes”

    “Why’s that then?”

    “Please leave”

    Jun 27, 2008 at 6:43 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Phalange

      Damn, if you only get 2 questions, how are you supposed to find out where Dr. Evil is hiding?

      Jun 27, 2008 at 8:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Neil

      “Why is there a two question limit?”

      “Because sometimes customers ask us too many questions, and we can’t get our work done. …You have one question left. Shoot.”

      “Okay, in that case, can you show me where you keep the perfect CDs for a 12-year-old who loves the current hip-hop top-seller, the song that goes ‘I’m in love with the way you love’, wants the first album by Nirvana, needs the best Beatles bio you sell, needs something cheap from the World music section with sitars in it for a school project, and would like me to listen to all of this before I purchase it for him?”

      Jun 27, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Kev Orng

    “Rap… metal… rap… metal… And Whitney Houston.”

    “It’s for my girlfriend, okay?”

    Jun 27, 2008 at 8:13 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   karla

      Suuure it is. You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical.

      Hold ‘em against your chest, stand against the wall, and they’re gonna take a photograph of you.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Ashley

      Maybe you bite me?

      Jun 27, 2008 at 2:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   blaux

    …oh, lots of classic passive-aggressive alphabet complaints… and then kind of a new one thrown in at the end.

    How ’bout some clip art

    how ’bout ‘I PRAY NO ONE TAKES UNPURCHASED RECORDS INTO THE BATHROOM AND THEN “PUTS THEM BACK” WHERE THEY DON’T BELONG!!!!!’

    Jun 27, 2008 at 8:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   xindi

    i am physically and mentally incapable of reading that sign… helP?

    Jun 27, 2008 at 9:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   claw71 bang

    • But I am putting them in alphabetical order.
    See, I put Dido under “e” for Eurotrash. I put Ani Difranco under “b” for Bjork wannabe. Bon Jovi belongs in “m” for midget along with Jordin Sparks who is there for morbid obesity. Bruce Springsteen is under “o” for old and I moved all of the country albums to the trash.
    I wasn’t sure about Coldplay. I thought I’d put them under “u” for U-2 but I moved U-2to “w” for wimpy. Then I thought I’d put them under “s” for Sting but Sting is in the “p” section for pretentious. Somebody told me that Coldplay is a lot like Radiohead but I actually like Radiohead so I struggled with that until I realized that “r” also stands for retarded and retread, both of which fit Coldplay’s style.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 9:12 am   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   handsdown

      this is one of the best comments I have read on this site. Love it.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   se

      Jordin Sparks is obese?

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   hungry_hippo

      She’s pretty beefy.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Apple

      Daddy, why do people think you suck?

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   Canthz_B bang

      claw, is Apple’s Daddy?!

      Jun 27, 2008 at 1:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   aaa

    Do these places really place so little value on their customers’ money (not even the customers themselves, just their money) that they find it appropriate to be antagonistic asses and potentially decrease their profits? Jeez.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 9:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Xtroll

      Well all you have to do is look at the people that usually work at music stores. All most of them care about is what body part they’re going to get pierced or tattooed or when they’re going to get their next buzz. Then you have those that somehow think that working in a music store is going to help their music career. I’m thinking none of them have their NASA union card. For those that are having a hard time comprehending that, think rocket scientist and get back to stocking CDs.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   bellabeastie

      but only if they are in alpho-betical order, man.

      WTF — tryin’ to lissen 2 sum music here.

      get off @ six – and I got like band practice at camp. sux.

      Oh – me – well gotta exam @ .. dunno, like early.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 9:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   bellabeastie

      Don’t be a Troll. (eeeuyeeyuk). They have warts and stuff and live under a bridge.

      Or an asspanda.

      Because the X-Men aren’t stocking either one.

      Save yourself. Because I don’t think NASA will release your Green Card. Take the first flight back to wherever the fuck you came from and have a nice day.
      We’ll send you a gift card from Best Buy.

      THX SANDRA (not my real name..shhhh)

      Jun 27, 2008 at 10:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   aaa

      Piercing, tattoos, and intoxicants all cost money though. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you piss of your customers, their money leaves with them.

      Jun 28, 2008 at 12:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   Burghardt

      I’d rather not do anything with the “piss of your customers” except maybe flush it.

      Jun 30, 2008 at 5:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.6   Miss Unloop

      Up yours, Xtroll for your gross generalizations about music store employees. Where I used to work, you would think we were proctologists we saw so many assholes. Yet, we dealt with them with silent dignity. Those notes above are the kind of thing we could only fantasize about doing. Salespeople get shat on all the time by customers – I’m glad to see retail workers getting some of their own back.

      Jul 15, 2008 at 10:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   unholyghost2003 bang

    All I have to say to #1 is:
    .
    .
    .
    DAMN THE MAN! SAVE THE EMPIRE!

    Jun 27, 2008 at 9:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   RALPHY

    YIKES! They should post the I.Q. required to come in and spend your money. If you happen to be on the cusp, do you have to sneek in the emergency door? If you don’t know your I.Q., will they administer an exam to see if you’re qualified? If you’re a genius and off their charts, do you get to shit in their trash can? Oh–only two questions? That really sucks!

    Jun 27, 2008 at 11:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   RunBarbara bang

      Speaking of IQ requirements….you mean “sneak”, don’t you? “Sneek” is in the northern Netherlands.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Sirius bang

      If you sneek in the emergency door, be prepared to clean it up.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 11:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   secondsout bang

      I do believe that’s four questions. Either you’re going to be 86ed from the store, or forced to wear the unitard.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 12:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   RALPHY

      Yea–I tried to sneak into Sneek one time but was 86′d.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 2:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   claw71 bang

    I really have only one question:

    WHY DON”T YOU HAVE ANY MATTHEW SWEET?

    Jun 27, 2008 at 11:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   pockets

      Now the song “Evangeline” will be stuck in my head the rest of the day.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 12:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   My own buisness

      PLUS TO YOU.

      I’ve been re-re-re-re-hooked on Girlfriend this week, coincidentally.

      Mr. Sweet has a new disc coming out pretty soon here, too.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 5:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   pockets

      release date is August 26th. you can go to his myspace and listen to a couple new tracks..
      http://www.myspace.com/matthewsweetmusic

      Jun 28, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   pistola

    Record store nazis should only be allowed to procreate with baristas, forming an army of the world’s most annoying minimum wage employees ever.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 11:48 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   itmustbeken bang

      That imaginary army of the sullen and rude could then work at any upscale boutique! Oh wait…

      Jun 27, 2008 at 12:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   RALPHY

      Is that the army that has done so much with so little for so long that they are now capable of doing everything with nothing?

      Jun 27, 2008 at 2:42 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   jimmyjimmyjimmyjimmykalamahoo! kalamahee! kalamabringachairplease!

    FOPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in the last picture.

    its being opened up now though :):):)

    Jun 27, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Craig

    I liked this post a lot. It took me back to my record shop days.

    http://friendsofthestars.co.uk/2008/06/27/the-bored-girlfriend-chair/

    Jun 27, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Canthz_B bang

    “Dude, we’re all wasted back here. If you can’t return items in alphabetical order, it just cannot be done.
    Move along now, Man, you’re harshing my buzz.”

    Jun 27, 2008 at 1:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Thomas

    And you wonder why these stores are soon going to be a relic.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 1:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Sheepish bang

    is that the correct use for the term ‘neither us us’ in note # 3?
    it confused me ’cause it makes me feel like there are 2 people scolding at the same time.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 2:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Canthz_B bang

      It works if the sign is directed at only one person, not if it’s for the general public. (I think, not really my strong suit)
      A little help from our grammarians please. :-)

      Jun 27, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Fromeo

    it’s too bad that #3 was cut just a little bit too high to show the SCOTS poster underneath it.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 2:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   cricket bang

    #2 probably sounds like this:

    “is this sign real?”
    -yes

    “are you kidding?”
    -no. NEXT!

    Jun 27, 2008 at 3:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   secondsout bang

      Mind you, this has been done on the Simpsons, of course.

      Apu: He is the benevolent and enlightened president and C.E.O. of Kwik-E-Mart — and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart. He is the one we must ask for my job back.
      Master: Approach, my sons. You may ask me three questions.
      Apu: That’s great, because all I need is one –
      Homer: Are you *really* the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
      Master: Yes.
      Homer: Really?
      Master: Yes.
      Homer: You?
      Master: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.
      Apu: But I must –
      Master: Thank you, come again.
      Apu: But –
      Master: Thank you, come again.

      Jun 28, 2008 at 6:31 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   cricket bang

    goddamn it, I just saw that ScaryDuck said the same thing.

    oh well. gotta get up earlier to get the PAN worm.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 3:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   GhostWriter bang

    I only get two questions? OK- riddle me this, Rob Gordon:

    (1) Does Pink Floyd go under P or F?

    (2) What about 10,000 Maniacs?

    Jun 27, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Mishee bang

      Well smartass, 10,000 is numeric, which traditionally is at the very beginning, before A. Within that it would be under “1″ – and Pink Floyd is a band, it’s not a person’s name so it would naturally go under “P” – now, if it was Pink Anderson and Floyd Council, the two men who were the inspiration for the band’s name, well, then we don’t know if it would be under A or P or C or F…

      *exasperated*
      Geez!

      (you know i lurv you GW!) :)

      Jun 27, 2008 at 4:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   GhostWriter bang

      You must have realized that your answers would only spawn more questions.

      (1) Why wouldn’t “10,000″ be filed above “1″ instead of under “1″?

      (2) The name “Pink Floyd” is alluded to in “Have A Cigar” and the entire “Wall” album. I have always believed that Pink is actually an important but quiet member of the band. Are you telling me this isn’t true??

      …and if I was allowed a third question (which I know I’m not) I would have asked, “Where do I file “Mr. Mister”; before or after “Sir Mix-a-lot”?

      Jun 30, 2008 at 9:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.3   Mishee bang

      Ummm…

      the third question has actually nullified all questions preceeding it…. Thank you, come again…

      NEXT IN LINE!

      Jul 1, 2008 at 8:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   GhostWriter bang

    To complicate matters even further, the clerks at the store with a two-question limit either always lie, or always tell the truth.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Sarah

      Butbutbut, do they also stab people who ask tricky questions?

      Jun 27, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   pistola

      GW, is that a labyrinth reference?

      Jun 30, 2008 at 11:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   GhostWriter bang

      I had to Wiki- Labyrinth to know what you were referring to. The answer is “yes” (but perhaps I am a lying guard).

      Jun 30, 2008 at 12:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   GhostWriter bang

    Note 5′s author is lying to himself. I’ve tried to hold it until the end of the next day, and I daresay it can’t be done, much less will anybody be happy to do it for me.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 4:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Sarah

    Holy crap. I like this website because it reminds me that I shouldn’t ever post signs like the ones I posted in the record store I worked in from 1996-2001. That job made me a bad person. Thanks for keeping me in line now that I work in an office with people who forget to turn off the coffeemaker, etc.

    Jun 27, 2008 at 6:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   Quite Contrary

      And how’s the office microwave doing? Screaming that it has 27 seconds left all the livelong day?

      Jun 28, 2008 at 12:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   Quite Contrary

    Does the two question limit apply to customers only or does it apply to employees as well?

    Jun 28, 2008 at 12:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Jsmoke bang

    Dear Pompous Record store employees,

    Your ironic punishment in hell will be to work at a Ross Dress for Less for eternity.

    XOXO :),
    The Devil

    Jun 28, 2008 at 10:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   Quite Contrary

      PS And for those of you who have been real asspandas, you get to work at the true inner core of hell, aka WalMart.

      Jun 29, 2008 at 2:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   Ryan

    I think this is when a music blogger like me-self is supposed to say something clever and ironic….

    Open a dollar store. I hear there’s money in it.

    Jun 30, 2008 at 11:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   elle

    what i love about these is that while people should probably be putting albums back in order, what the hell do record store employees do all day?

    along with “word of the day”, i agree that pretentious record store employees and baristas should go to a terrible island where they’re only allowed to mate with each other, producing offspring so lazy and irritating that only they can tolerate them.

    seriously, people, just because you make a cup of coffee doesn’t mean you’re cooler than anyone else who comes in there. sorry i have a good education and i’m not an expert on espresso.

    Jun 30, 2008 at 12:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Russ

    Ahh the irony… anyone who is too impatient to put a record back where it belongs, is certainly not going to take the time to read that epic sign…

    http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/

    Jul 1, 2008 at 1:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   RussSucks

      Stop being a stupid, retarded jerk and trolling where you are not wanted.

      Jul 1, 2008 at 1:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #50   The Commish

    I used to work in a used record shop in high school. We had a shitty selection but a very profitable head shop in the back. People buying glass pipes, as you could imagine, were especially high-larious.

    Too bad I quit after my boss got high and yelled at me for refusing to sell food stamps he kept in the register.

    Needless to say, that record shop is no more.

    Jul 1, 2008 at 12:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   glastonberry

    Reminds me of that great Onion article:

    “37 Record-Store Clerks Feared Dead In Yo La Tengo Concert Disaster”

    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27870

    Jul 8, 2008 at 4:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   misterpain

    I filed the music according to cockney rhyming slang, but I can’t remember where i put James Blunt…

    Jul 9, 2008 at 6:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   the powerseller of pompano beach

    [...] top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers; extra credit: how do you get out of an ebay auction? [...]

    Jul 26, 2008 at 11:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   SuperSparky

    This is why people with educations get paid more. Don’t like alphabetizing and organizing at minimum wage? Well, then pull out those piercings, tidy up that hair, get some nice clothes, get an education, and learn to speak without the word “like” and “fu**”, and stop leaving your mouth and bottom lip gaping at the end of every sentence, and you may never have to work a register again.

    Alphabetizing records/CDs and talking to stupid customers is your job. It’s why you are being paid. You certainly do not have a grand and masterful intellect to be given the “privilege” of manning the register. You know, McDonald’s are always hiring.

    You are the master of your own destiny. Stop blaming others for your stupid choices.

    Jul 28, 2008 at 9:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   Becca

    this is all very championship vinyl.

    Aug 9, 2008 at 5:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   ahoymate

    As someone who works in a record store, I can feel nothing but compassion for the people who made those bitchy notes. Since we’re supposed to be a “friendly” store, our only sign says “please do not open sealed records.” Really, I would love to find and shake hands with all the people who make me spend an hour locating a single misplaced copy of Katy Parry when I’m doing inventory.

    Nov 19, 2008 at 3:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   toastnuances bang

    I’ve seen #2 in the flesh, as it were. It’s at Mr. Cheapo’s Used CDs in Commack, Long Island, NY.

    Mar 12, 2009 at 8:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   gone, but not bitter or anything

    [...] related: top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s [...]

    Aug 31, 2009 at 2:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   Counter attack | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s [...]

    Mar 22, 2010 at 8:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   "It's Drama." | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] Do we look like the kind of store that sells “I just called to say I love you”? [...]

    Apr 8, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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