top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

June 26th, 2008 · 171 comments

5. being a stupid, retarded jerk.

$don\'t be stoopid$

4. what, can’t you read?

3. seriously, are you fucking illiterate?

2. do we look like the kind of store that sells “i just called to say i love you”?

and last but not least…

1. the internet (probably)

EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!

FILED UNDER: "customer service" · exclamation-point happy! · music · retail hell

171 responses so far ↓

#1 Quite Contrary

I love bitter people. They write the best PA notes EVER.

Jun 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm rating: +2

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#2 southern girl

omg, lol, the sad part is…back in the day when I bought cds instead of making my own, I have put them way in the back, behind others, hiding them until I came back to purchase them, and never returned!

Jun 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm rating: +7

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#3 jess

greed never pays…

Jun 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm rating: 0

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- #3.1 claw71
  
  Nope. Greed collects.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 9:18 am rating: +8
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#4 Troy McClure

But nothing beats alphabetical order!!!

Jun 26, 2008 at 11:32 pm rating: +2

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#5 Bikerbabee

They closed because all the customers got tired of doing the employees’ work for them.
-Team do your job and shut the f*ck up.

Jun 26, 2008 at 11:41 pm rating: +17

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- #5.1 lieberhaeschen
  
  team f*ck you, this looks like the best job ever!
  
  Jun 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm rating: 0
- #5.2 Chucklyn
  
  “Team do your job and shut the f*ck up” ??
  
  HA!!!!
  
  Totally agree with that - well said!
  
  Jul 1, 2008 at 12:37 am rating: 0
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#6 Ambie

“Scuz us a sec” certainly shows great knowledge and use of the alfabet … alfebet .. alphi..

Dammit.

Jun 26, 2008 at 11:57 pm rating: +27

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- #6.1 Burghardt
  
  You would think their physical and mental superiority would’ve landed them a better job than a music store shelf stocker.
  
  …and I think you meant Damnit, dear (unless you have a wide, flat tail).
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 4:22 am rating: +3
- #6.2 bellabeastie
  
  Is that hot for you?
  
  wide flat tail? Damnit - tell the truth…
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:59 pm rating: 0
- #6.3 Amanda
  
  But Burghardt, I think you didn’t get the memo that music store employees are the hippest, baddest, most creative (read: intelligent) people whom you will ever have the honor of meeting. They just don’t feel like applying that intelligence toward The Man, because that, like, totally disrupts the sanctity of the Music, and it’s Meaning.
  
  Jun 30, 2008 at 1:17 pm rating: 0
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#7 fantasy

♫ ♪ The Day, The Music died……… ♪ ♫

Jun 26, 2008 at 11:59 pm rating: +13

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- #7.1 zombieBlanco
  
  The Alphabet Song
  
  ps: thank you miss fantasy for the earworm of the worst song ever
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 12:36 am rating: +1
- #7.2 fantasy
  
  …….oh, lil’ Zombie, you are so lucky I didn’t try
  
  for the whole damn song!
  
  ♪ ….i was singing, bye, bye, miss amercan pie…… ♫
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 12:45 am rating: +2
- #7.3 zombieBlanco
  
  Just remember miss fan…..
  
  …..there’s nothing like revenge for getting back at people.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 1:02 am rating: +1
- #7.4 fantasy
  
  Oh Zombie, you will be humming that one until the earworms …. ♫ make the music DIE! ♫
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 1:12 am rating: +1
- #7.5 zombieBlanco
  
  ♫ For Fantasy ♫
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 1:57 am rating: +4
- #7.6 secondsout
  
  How can either of those songs compare to the all-time worst earworm?
  
  All together:
  
  It’s a small world after all
  It’s a small world after all
  It’s a small world after all
  It’s a small, small world
  (repeat)
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 3:24 am rating: +1
- #7.7 Sirius
  
  Hey, the earworm game is evil, especially on Friday. You could ruin a person’s whole weekend.
  
  Oh
  You
  Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang
  Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang
  We love you !
  
  FTW
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:22 am rating: 0
- #7.8 tracy
  
  Worst. Earworm. Ever. =
  
  “Well i was shopping for a new car, which one’s me, a cool convertible or an S.U.V. Too bad I didn’t know my credit was whacked, now I’m driving off the lot in a used sub-compact…..”
  
  And its twin, “They say a man should always dress for the job he wants, so why’m dressed up like a pirate, in this restaurant. It’s all because some hacker, stole my identity, now I’m in here every evening serving chowder and iced tea…”
  
  Kill me now. Yes, I didn’t even look any of the lyrics up… they were already torturing me in my head.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 3:00 pm rating: +5
- #7.9 changeling
  
  its fun to stay at the YMCA
  its fun to stay at the YMCA
  they have everything for young men to enjoy
  you can hang out with all the boys
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 3:08 pm rating: 0
- #7.10 changeling
  
  even worse imagine this sung by a bunch of three year olds. Every year at my kids daycare they have the little kids sing this at the “talent show”
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 3:10 pm rating: 0
- #7.11 amazon
  
  Oh god! Now I’m gonna have chitty chitty bang bang stuck in my head until I can netflix that damn movie!
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 4:15 pm rating: 0
- #7.12 Quite Contrary
  
  Let me help, Amazon. How about thinking of the worst song from the 70’s instead? Say “Afternoon Delight”?
  
  Really, no, you don’t have to thank me.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 4:20 pm rating: +1
- #7.13 EY
  
  On A CLEAR DAY,
  Rise and Look around you,,,
  And you’ll see whooo youuu arrree
  
  WHOO HOO !
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 7:00 pm rating: 0
- #7.14 cricket
  
  ooooooohhhhhhhh I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 8:50 pm rating: 0
- #7.15 cricket
  
  I get knocked down
  but I get up again
  you ain’t ever gonna keep me down…
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 8:51 pm rating: +1
- #7.16 Sarah
  
  I’m blue, da ba dee, da ba dai…
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:43 pm rating: 0
- #7.17 morpho aurora
  
  i always thought this was the most annoying song
  
  Jun 28, 2008 at 12:31 am rating: 0
- #7.18 fantasy
  
  morpho aurora-
  
  YOU WIN!
  
  …..a complimentary recording of the most wretched song ever! Congratulation’s!
  
  Jun 28, 2008 at 12:56 am rating: 0
- #7.19 Sarah
  
  I was expecting a rickroll. Now I’m disappointed.
  
  Jun 28, 2008 at 1:08 am rating: 0
- #7.20 fantasy
  
  My dear Zombie ♥
  
  Thank You so much for the revenge remix! I will treasure it forever. Here is something for you Lil’ Zombie ♥
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQN96wJlTDM
  
  Jun 28, 2008 at 1:28 am rating: 0
- #7.21 zombieBlanco
  
  …the bestest zombie friends ♥ ♪
  
  Jun 28, 2008 at 10:45 am rating: 0
- #7.22 Mishee
  
  Umm. I think this one wasn’t mentioned maybe cause everyone has blacked it out of their memory??
  
  I’m too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
  So sexy it hurts
  And I’m too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
  New York and Japan
  
  How’s THAT for an Earworm?!
  
  *cackles devlishly*
  
  Jun 28, 2008 at 12:15 pm rating: 0
- #7.23 Bikerbabee
  
  Y’all totally overlooked “Muskrat Love” if we are talking earworms from the 70’s.
  
  Jun 28, 2008 at 6:23 pm rating: 0
- #7.24 Quite Contrary
  
  And the “Pina Colada Song!” Aaargggh!
  
  Jun 29, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: 0
- #7.25 Mishee
  
  Macarena…. ’nuff said…
  
  Jun 29, 2008 at 12:30 pm rating: 0
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#8 itmustbeken

THIS is why people illegally download music.

Jun 27, 2008 at 12:28 am rating: +17

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- #8.1 secondsout
  
  Oh, bullshit. I download music illegally because it’s free.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:48 am rating: +11
- #8.2 RunBarbara
  
  i do it because i like stealing. if you dont nail something down, its going in my purse.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: +9
- #8.3 Mishee
  
  I do it so I can hear the funny fake songs that the artists (aHEM, Madonna) put out there to fool you…
  
  and the feeling of superiority when I finally get one of their songs and it’s real..
  
  Take THAT RIAA!
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: +1
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#9 Crash

I think the person who wrote note #3 has a “would” fettish.

Jun 27, 2008 at 12:31 am rating: +1

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- #9.1 ryan
  
  haha. i was thinking the same thing
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:52 am rating: 0
- #9.2 abeliever
  
  I would would agree
  
  Jun 28, 2008 at 4:06 pm rating: 0
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#10 YouRCunt

Fuck the store with the two question limit. I would’ve gone in there and asked him what shoe he likes. Then I’d ask him how far up his ass he would like it.

Jun 27, 2008 at 12:32 am rating: +21

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- #10.1 itmustbeken
  
  Wow, You are a cunt…no seriously, YouRCunt.
  That’s your name.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 12:35 am rating: +3
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#11 Sarah

Dear passive-aggressive record store owners: People like me frequent your businesses because we want you to stay afloat. Maybe if you stopped being asspandas, you would have more customers.

Jun 27, 2008 at 12:37 am rating: +43

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- #11.1 PercussionQueen7
  
  I might just have to steal “asspanda”. Hope you don’t mind.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 1:35 am rating: +6
- #11.2 snee
  
  I MUST work “asspanda” into conversation tomorrow.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 2:39 am rating: +3
- #11.3 Crash
  
  I might just have to yell “asspanda” to any random person tomorrow,
  screw conversation…
  “Hey asspanda !!”
  I Love it !!
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 2:45 am rating: +12
- #11.4 thebutterzone
  
  Is that spoken:
  ass panda, or Italian-like, ass-panda!
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 3:39 am rating: 0
- #11.5 Quite Contrary
  
  I called a coworker an asspanda today. They thought it was a compliment. I just smiled.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 7:56 am rating: +6
- #11.6 unholyghost2003
  
  I too must have “asspanda”
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 9:16 am rating: 0
- #11.7 KikiMode
  
  “Asspanda” WIN!
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 9:17 am rating: 0
- #11.8 Agatha Christie
  
  I cackled out loud at asspanda, and the girls in my office thought I was having a fit.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 4:50 pm rating: 0
- #11.9 My own buisness
  
  ASSPANDA!
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 5:12 pm rating: 0
- #11.10 Sarah
  
  Pretty much any ass______ combination works as a pejorative.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 10:15 pm rating: 0
- #11.11 Quite Contrary
  
  But there’s something about “panda.” Asshorse doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
  
  Jun 29, 2008 at 11:52 am rating: +2
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#12 Crash

Note #5

So I could be a spitefull asshole and it’s all good then, right ?
As long as I’m not a stoopid jerk, or physically, or mentally incapable ?

Jun 27, 2008 at 12:44 am rating: +1

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- #12.1 fink
  
  I’m pretty certain that “stoopid jerk” is an umbrella term, encompassing all forms of “asshole”.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:01 am rating: 0
- #12.2 Naks
  
  and asspandas
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:45 am rating: +2
- #12.3 Crash
  
  I think “stoopid” or rather stupid is someone who doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong.
  And asshole is someone who does, but doesn’t care….Like me !!
  So it’s okay for asshole, right ?
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 7:25 pm rating: +1
- #12.4 bellabeastie
  
  Hi Crash..ah.. asshole is harsh.
  
  Stoopid — is stupid. Chill. But why would you want to be an asshole?
  
  It’s so much easier to be nice- girls will like you more..
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:21 pm rating: 0
- #12.5 bellabeastie
  
  And I’m not effin kidding.
  Being a grrrll, I know how you can be — nice.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:45 pm rating: 0
- #12.6 fink
  
  stoopid, combined with jerk makes asshole
  
  1+1=2, people!
  
  Jun 28, 2008 at 12:12 am rating: 0
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#13 zombieBlanco

Poor employees! It’s tough to tell what came first, the music or the misery.

Jun 27, 2008 at 12:50 am rating: +1

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- #13.1 Quite Contrary
  
  I thought the letter “a” came first.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 7:57 am rating: +11
- #13.2 My own buisness
  
  Our store put numbers first.
  
  Plus, we had a section for names starting with “Mc” that was separate from the “M” section.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 5:13 pm rating: 0
- #13.3 Stitchin-Liz
  
  I hate when they put the “Mc” section off on its own, could they not figure out that Mc comes after Mb?
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 6:37 pm rating: 0
- #13.4 bellabeastie
  
  That’s what happens when you have your own “buisness”.
  
  Everyone is all up is your Bwizz Nezz and they post signs on your lawn and you never ghetto any sleep for Lord’s sake.
  
  Hard to make the benjamins.
  
  Jun 27, 2008 at 9:24 pm rating: +1
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#14 Ashley

#3 - now in the case of an ACTUAL emergency, somebody might be stopping to read that

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

June 26th, 2008 · 171 comments

171 responses so far ↓